#and i WAS right that poor edward would fuck a bishop (me)

[sparingiscaring]

I once again have remembered that 10k Poor Edward fanfic I wrote in a fevered haze 2 years ago and never shared with anyone

what the fuck

#it was a swing and a miss of both a theory and a ship #but i WILL say #i WAS right about a master fucking a deviless and having a kid #and i WAS right that poor edward would fuck a bishop (me) #it was just. the wrong permutations #i went south not southeast you know #i think it was inspired entirely by accidentally seeing text about edward having slitted eyes + inhuman strengh #and going #oh i don't know WhY but i sure can make up some shit #i was going to say 'i didn't even like him then why did i do this' #but realistically. this was just a very longwinded attempt at denial as i Procrastinated Roof #fl #ThE VOICE PITCh TOO #his weird voice pitchiness i forgot that was the other main insp #just like... hMMMMMM.... i only know 9 other things here that do ThAT-

[sulcrafatejackets]

The drive thru thieves want me to love them

Andy and bishop though? Bishop should be dead.

My army got off Track

Okay well, bishops farts smell low class. Not like diet. Like chi is gross fact

If you leave everything up to worthless politicians, they will destroy everything of course everybody knows people want politicians dead and we will see blood whether they want that or not. Of course they don’t want that they want to say that you’re a terrorist. If you wanna take over am I trying to do some kind of awful thing. Now I want democracy for people, they want totalitarianism they want to be able to take from every poor person, every middle-class person, every rich person, and that’s where every politician in Kentucky and the United States crashed the wrong female because they still think that they are going to keep money which they are not going to keep

She already knows that I don’t need everybody’s approval to see if I’m doing right of course, I’m doing right that you know like some of the other Coopertons I’m fragile they said Rebecca, you’re not even a goddamn Cooper. Oh gosh, what do you think I am

Hey Enrique, did you know that brandy Nestor is the translator for my work allegedly yeah, that shocked everybody considering she’s worthless and she is not a part of my life

Darren Hayes, he was like oh Jesus Christ. Well, what did you do?

Does that mean I don’t get any help? No that doesn’t mean at all. Yeah there’s a lot of stuff to consider down there. Yeah I will definitely have to figure out how to do that. I’ve Gotta add long-distance to my son Firm I would say so. Yeah I would absolutely want main child to be a lawyer, especially after all this shit, but I am I don’t know I’m thinking that maybe I am something else something else I don’t think a lawyer is good enough to protect my baby I think that if I’m talking about successfully killing politicians, and I do think that I will be successful, and if you can’t put on because it’s too much of a fucking teacher statement is that it it’s okay Ed, why is it that I teach your children if you’re such a smarty-pants motherfucker sit the fuck down and finish your goddamn vegetables the fucking ape

Liar

“Stop making fun of Edwards tiny dick!”

[lovelylogans]

what are your favorite episodes of gilmore girls?

ooOOOOOOH GREAT QUESTION i’ll break it down season by season:

season one

pilot. i mean, obviously. it sets them all up so well, character-wise; plus, you can tell some episodes in season one that were filmed shortly after the pilot vs a while later, just bc of emily’s differing hair lengths

the lorelai’s first day at chilton: introduces such great characters (paris, madeline, louise) and also is such a great way to continue the transition into learning about this world

rory’s birthday parties: god. just. the stark difference between emily and richard’s world vs stars hollow...... the found family of practically all of stars hollow showing up to rory’s home party...... “lorelai’s right. i don’t know my daughter at all.”...... God

forgiveness and stuff: like, gOD. a masterclass of acting especially from kelly bishop and lauren graham; it hits so differently after edward hermann’s actual passing. luke and lorelai’s relationship displayed on what he’d do for her. lord!

paris is burning: paris................ the Beginning of turning from enemies to friends...... plus, like, you get to see some of lorelai’s commitment issues, which plays out throughout the entire series (sometimes To My Great Aggravation)

concert interruptus: the bangles 🥺paris and rory 🥺

christopher returns: i mean. you see the dynamic between rory and christopher, lorelai and christopher, and emily, richard, and christopher, which just paints such a clearer picture of what lorelai’s life might have been like back then. PLUS, emily being soft toward rory; it’s one of my fave relationship moments for them, and i kind of regret taking that line from her and giving it to christopher in wyliwf.

star crossed lovers and other strangers: the same way we get to see emily and rory, we get to see richard and lorelai; also, you can see how lorelai’s commitment issues might have inadvertently affected rory in this. plus i love love LOVE the backstory of the stars hollow lovers festival, i wish they’d repeated it in later seasons!

emily in wonderland: i really wish you’d gotten to see the effect of learning about lorelai and rory living in the shed play out more than a one-episode arc, i really wish we did, but like. emily bishop, once again, acting her damn heart out. phenomenal.

season two

the road trip to harvard: you get to see the beginnings of how rory leaving for college might affect lorelai, plus you get to see rory in her ivy league habitat. luke getting so suddenly, “inexplicably” cheerful when he hears that lorelai’s not marrying max. and at the very ending emily being sympathetic to max. bless it.

nick & nora/sid & nancy: first jess ep. “dodger.” what else is there to say. points off lorelai tho for immediately losing it at jess when he snarks at her, when, like, that is your move, lorelai, you should recognize that?

presenting lorelai gilmore: rory stepping more and more into her grandparents’ world in a way lorelai never wanted to; though i don’t ship christopher and lorelai, their dance scene is adorable. plus, emily and richard fighting a bit and the beginnings of richards (seasons long!) arc about his journey with his work.

the ins and oust of inns: MIA. you get to see mia for the first time! lorelai and sookie having a fight is :( but you get to see lorelai’s turmoil over actually leaving the inn. emily coming to see mia! luke yelling at the town over them being rude about luke! lorelai coming to his defense! rory telling jess off and jess wordlessly fixing luke’s toaster in silent apology!

the bracebridge dinner: GOD. love it. the horses and carriages! the absurd historical acting! emily and richard! rory and jess! luke and lorelai! it’s fantastic!

a-tisket, a-tasket: I LOVE THIS EPISODE. some of the town absurdity that was just A Plus. “it’s not like she’s shipping off to ‘nam!” is a great line. jackson proposing to sookie! and poor lane........

there’s the rub: emily and lorelai, seeing how great they could get along, but seeing how either of them wreck it just when it’s getting a-okay. god. it’s just such a great microcosm of their relationship.

dead uncles and vegetables: luke......... Luke. lorelai and rory and jess all rallying around him in their ways, and stars hollow by extension. even tho they were pretty shitty at first, they, like. managed to make it up to him in the end.

lorelai’s graduation day: GOD LAUREN GRAHAM, KELLY BISHOP, AND EDWARD HERMANN KILL IN THE GRADUATION SCENE!!!!! i ADORE that shot of the three of them, gets me every single time!!! the only thing i dislike about it is rory accidentally missing the graduation bc....... :/. like. i really like jess. but. come on.

i can’t get started: sookie’s wedding!!! her freaking out over the cake so much in her dress is So Her, she looked so pretty omg! plus, if the spa ep is a good microcosm of emily and lorelai, this is a great microcosm for christopher and lorelai. plus!!!! RORY AND JESS FIRST KISS!!!!!!

season three (look, full disclosure, seasons 3/4 are like. my faves. so)

haunted leg: gosh. lauren graham kills it in that last couple scenes. plus! kirk asking lorelai out on a date is hilarious! emily and lorelai’s lunch at luke’s going So Bad! and i know that not a ton of people like the francie chilton student politics intrigue subplot isn’t great for some people, but i do think that the potential was Great and there are definitely some really good scenes that arose from that subplot, so

take the deviled eggs... like. just. a great blend of town insanity (patty’s new boy, the town loner pitching a protest no one knows the reason behind) and lorelai and rory bonding (by deviled-egging jess’ CAR) and just!!! yes!!!!

they shoot gilmores, don’t they?: i mean. come ON. what list would be complete without this? literally every single favorites list has this episode on there. the dance marathon is the perfect example of town insanity! lane and dave getting their bonding! that little luke and lorelai moment about having kids! that scene of rory crying into lorelai’s shoulder!

a deep-fried korean thanksgiving: i love the whole “three thanksgivings” thing. Can Relate, Do Understand. i think that lorelai freaking out at rory for applying to yale is definitely a contrived subplot (i mean. she was never going to apply to only harvard. ma’am.) but i do like seeing sookie, and luke and jess, and just.... Yeah

dear emily and richard: our ONLY flashback ep! while i do think that only lauren graham can really pull lorelai off, the actress is, like, fairly decent (young christopher, however, does not really fit) and you just! yeah! you get to see them back in their youth and FINALLY get the context of how lorelai ran away!

the big one: like! yay paris! lorelai’s reaction (”i’ve got the good kid!”) is Gross, Frankly! it’s gross and bad! but also poor paris 🥺but!!! rory helping to comfort her afterwards!! richard falling asleep in the middle and having No idea of what just went down is also inexplicably hilarious to me!

those are strings, pinocchio: i mean. it’s the graduation episode. God. i just???? god. it’s such a great episode, there’s so many great moments, i just. 🥺

season four

the lorelais’ first day at yale: a great little titling parallel to chilton, but also, rory panicking when lorelai leaves is like. such a Thing ya know??? i just. yeah. i really like that ep it’s a nice introduction

the festival of living art: one, this show won its only emmy bc of the makeup, so that alone is great. uh, kirk being so adversary to the guy who plays judas is god tier humor! plus! sookie and jackson having their baby!

ted koppel’s big night out: THE FOOTBALL GAME EPISODE! i actually kind of love it, but more the first half than the latter; it’s such an emily and richard way to prepare for a football game, you know? and then meeting pennilyn lott! igniting the arc of emily and richard having doubts about their marriage which has Acting! Moments! but this also has jason and lorelai’s first date, which i Dislike, bc i Dislike Jason Very Much.

nag hammadi is where they found the gnostic gospels: seeing jess come back into town and you get to see how unfinished things are between him and rory..... the luke angst..... Yes.

the incredible sinking lorelais: a very realistic part of college, imo, in which you feel overwhelmed and anxious and EVERYTHING SUCKS NOW CAN I JUST CALL MY MOM, though i wish they’d set it up a bit more and followed it longer than an episode, and also that rory hadn’t gone to dean; but also, trix, and richard standing up to her, which!

scene in a mall: idk i just love this episode? seeing emily in her shopping element; seeing her break down in that way; seeing how shopping is like, one of her Only ways to execute power, and how she’s kind of jealous of lorelai’s career bc she was born into a generation where the only thing it was really acceptable for her to do was cultivate a husband and a nice house; plus!!! that last bit of emily and richard and the apples at the table just BREAKS your heart!!!

girls in bikinis, boys doin’ the twist: SPRING BREAAAAK which is so unexpected for paris and rory and therefore very funny. you get to see madeline and louise again—i actually really love their characters, lmao! paris and rory kiss! just! yeah!

tick, tick, tick, boom!/afterboom: another “idk i just enjoy it” episode. richard and floyd coming to a head; kirk’s easter egg hunt; seeing little davey. however i have some Words for rory because lindsay deserves better??? i understand that she could get a part time job but also MIND YOUR BUSINESS?????? dean’s the one taking classes! that’s an unnecessary expense! he has two jobs!! he’s allowed to take a pause!!! also i can’t believe i’m forced to defend dean right now!!! fuck asher, tho, but yay! breaking up with jason!!! yay breaking up with jason!!!!!!

luke can see her face/last week fights, this week tights: i can’t, okay??? i literally had to. the beginning of jess’ (admittedly mostly off-screen) development arc! luke and the self-help books! the absurdity of the renaissance wedding! the WEDDING DANCE!!! 

raincoats and recipes: truly an episode has never gone from such a “FUCK YESSSSSS FINALLY” scene to a “FUCK NOOOOOO WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGGG” but honestly it’s just. it’s Such a fantastic episode like i can’t

season five

written in the stars: their first date 🥺the horoscope 🥺”i am in, lorelai. i am all in.” 🥺 HER GOING DOWNSTAIRS IN JUST HIS SHIRT 🥺 HIM YELLING AT THE TOWN ABOUT HOW IT’S THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS 🥺🥺🥺

we got us a pippi virgin: literally the concept alone of “nearly coming to blows via bop it” is great. also luke being like “rory is like pippi!” and showing off what a high regard he holds her in 🥺

emily says hello: LITERALLY so many great little things about this episode. emily deciding she wants to try dating! rory and christopher snapping at each other! KELLY BISHOP’S ACTING AFTER THE DATE WHEN SHE CLOSES THE DOOR ON HIM AND BURSTS INTO TEARS!!!!!!!

women of questionable morals: the dog. 

wedding bell blues: HUNDREDTH EPISODE couldn’t NOT make it on here, so here it is!!! luke and lorelai looking at each other when she’s next to the aisle! luke and christopher both yelling and logan—AcTING! also emily being so manipulative even on her second wedding day, it’s just So classically her, and kelly bishop and lauren graham in the final scene is just. Mwah!

so... good talk: rory literally stepping into lorelai’s shoes for a dinner and being the one to snap at emily and richard is Such a role reversal for her but honestly whenever it does happen i actually really enjoy seeing the dichotomy between the grandparents seeing rory as their perfect little second chance and lorelai seeing her as her mini-me and how rory walks the line between each. AND THAT ENDING KISS SCENE BETWEEN LUKE AND LORELAI????? I CAN’T?????

pulp friction: LORELAI CONTINUING TO ICE OUT EMILY AND RICHARD!!!!! the yelling scene at the diner!!!! plus seeing the chilton skirt come out again was nice imo i too have reused private schoolwear

season six (the season, admittedly, i have watched the least)

we’ve got magic to do: the outfits of the dar bash. paris’ sudden dedication to the proletariat. emily’s rant to shira. that is all

twenty-one is the loneliest number: them finally starting to talk; “this is luke, my soon-to-be-stepfather”; the pastor scene is also just. hilarious. but also so very richard and emily

let me hear your balalaikas ringing out: lorelai’s emotions toward paul anka being sick Oof and luke and the soccer team lmao but also JESS RETUUUUURNS!!!!! RORY SNAPS OUT OF IT!!!!!! FINALYYYYYYY!!!!

friday night’s alright for fighting: literally the montage of all of them intercut with fighting and them sitting in silence while the other two yell in the background to them laughing is just. Peak gilmore

this turned out..... even longer than expected lmao

#not ts #Anonymous #ask

[jeks-tgs]

Surprise, Dr. Jekyll!!

(For @darling-dolly-darlene uwu)

Henry had been sick with anxiety for the past month or so. Hyde, his idiotic, stupid, fool of a counterpart had fallen asleep after a rather... ahem.. intense hookup. He hadn't left in time, and when Hyde suddenly spasmed in agony, the couple he'd bedded with had leapt up, concerned and startled. When Henry had coughed the last remaining bits of green fluid over the side of the bed, the pair had stood, staring in shock, and it wasn't until Henry had lifted his head that he realized just how fucked he truly was.

And so, after hastily tugging on Hyde's clothes, he'd fled, the man and woman chasing after him for a good bit, shouting for him to come back. Obviously, he hadn't listened, not wanting to end up in Bedlam, thank you very much. Ever since then, he'd been terrified, jumpier than usual, enough so that the Lodgers were starting to notice. Of course, they just added this to their little roster of insults, and for once Henry was glad Frankenstein had turned them all against him. What could he say if they'd shown concern? That he was near ill with panic because a couple he'd indirectly had a threesome with had seen him transform from Edward Hyde into Henry Jekyll?

So, his panic remained, and only grew over time, waiting anxiously for Scotland Yard to burst through the doors and drag him, kicking and screaming, to Bethlam Royal Hospital. His only relief was, ironically, treating Frankenstein. It was easy to forget his troubles when he was being harrassed by an old woman, having to out all his focus on not throat-punching her the next time she called him a slut. Hyde's hisses that, technically, by proxy, Jekyll was a slut, he could do without, though. It was during one such insult-filled checkup that the other shoe finally dropped.

"-just a hack doctor, an industrialist slut groveling at the boots of the wealthy!" Henry's eye twitched, it getting harder by the second to keep his smile in place. The Lodgers were being extra stubborn today, refusing to leave while he treated their oh-so-valiant hero. As Frankenstein started up with another batch of repetitive jabs, Henry bit back a sigh. Could today get any worse?

"Oi!!"

Henry stiffened as all the Lodgers turned to look in the direction of the unfamiliar voice. Well, unfamiliar to them. Henry knew that voice. It had shouted repeatedly at him as he had fled. Shaking with dread, he turned to see that, yep, Hyde's 'friends' were in the doorway, looking livid. Henry paled as they marched towards him. This was it. This was the end of his life. They would grab him, throw him into a police coach, and then he'd be Moreau's new neighbour, tested on each day until the insanity truly did set in—

"You leave our Jekyll alone, you ol' hag!!" Henry squeaked, startled, as the man slung his arm over his shoulders, the woman moving to lean against his side. His mouth opened and closed, akin to a fish being told the most shocking news imaginable, unable to speak. The Lodgers seemed even more surprised than Henry was, and the look of shock on Frankenstein's face admittedly gave Henry a maliciously gleeful sort of feeling. "Henry is brillian', unlike you, ya deadbeat parent!" The woman's voice was thick and slurred, and if it weren't for the fact that Hyde knew that was her natural accent, Henry would have assumed she was intoxicated.

"That's right, ya old bint," The man gruffed, scratching at his bearded jaw as he eyes the old woman with cold disinterest. Henry had by now turned from pale to a vibrant red, so fast he was worries his blood cells would experience whiplash from it. He stammered, unable to form a full word, let alone a proper sentence. The Lodgers were looking at the duo with more interest now, and when the woman casually wrapped an arm around Henry's waist, rubbing his hip soothingly, a few murmurs and titters broke out. Needless to say, Henry was humiliated. Frankenstein shook herself out of her shock, grinning, "Well, I guess my 'slut' comments weren't far off!"

Quick as hounds catching a whiff of blood, the two stormed over to the old scientist, gritting their teeth. It was almost hypnotizing, watching the way they seemed to weave around one another, and Henry tugged at his collar, ashamedly admitting to himself that, yes, he did find their aggressive coordination and brash attitudes attractive.

"Now you listen 'ere, bitch!!" The Lodgers gasped as the woman got right up in Frankenstein's face. "Tha's our boy, ya go' tha'!? Don't say anothe' wor' abou' 'im, or I'll knohk yer damn 'ead off!!" She leant back, her partner easily stepping around her to take her place.

"Lay off!! He's done nothin' but care for you, you wretch!!" He spoke slower than his lover, his accent implying he was possibly from Kent, or maybe Sussex, and Henry only grew a darker shade of red as Hyde teased him about liking the way it sounded. "You've got some nerve, comin' into a man's home and disrespectin' 'im! He's a fine gentleman, and jus' because he knows when and where it's appropriate to show the real 'im doesn' mean he's some stuck up prat! If anythin', it makes 'im smarter, knowin' how to play the game to keep those he cares about safe!" He narrowed his green eyes at her as he growled lowly, "Unlike you, he actually knows what it takes to survive. Then again, I wouldn' expect a spoil' rich girl who ran away from all her problems to understand that." With that final jab, he turned and strolled back to the woman and Henry, the two wrapping their arms around him and pulling him out the door as he sputtered. It wasn't until they were alone in a hallway that he hesitantly asked, "You.. aren't.. turning me into Scotland Yard..?" The pair looked surprised by his words. They shared a look, then cracked up laughing, leaving poor Henry even more confused.

"An' lose th' bes' shag in all of London~?" The woman asked, causing Henry to squeak with embarrassment. The man leant in next, purring in his ear, "What kind of stupid twat gives up a 'two-for-one' deal~?" Henry uttered a soft, "O-Oh, dear..", earning a chuckle from the man. He patted the doctor's back, beaming, "Come on, then, there's drinks to be had, gettin' to know each other, all the fun parts!"

"W-Wait, I–!! I don't even know your names!" Henry complained, not sure if he should be disturbed by how quickly a fond sort of exasperation was settling in his chest.

"Tom Bishop," The man rumbled, and Henry was flustered to admit he liked the sound of it.

"An' I'm Chasity Bishop," The woman crooned, and Henry realized with a jolt the two had matching copper bands on their fingers. Henry groaned, uttering, "Edward Hyde, what have you gotten me into?" The two only laughed, pressing closer to either side of them. As they approached his office, Henry shyly wrapped his arms around their lower backs, the two smiling softly as they recalled a certain blond who loved to do the same.

"I know Hyde has mostly been drinking brandy and gin with you, but all I've got is red wine, I hope that's alright?"

#tgs #tgs au #polyamory #daylight trio #is that what they're called? #daylight trio and moonlight trio? #I'm love them #Mod Jeks

[caredogstips]

5 Great Thinker Quotes You’re Using Wrong

Nothing obligates us appear smart like repeating something an actual smart being formerly did. Why bother coming up with your own droll reply, when you’re pretty sure you formerly read about something Winston Churchill may or may not have said to some other dick, course back in the working day? Or perhaps “its been” Oscar Wilde. Or maybe nobody actually used to say at all, and you’re just mincing up half-remembered takes in your foreman. You check their own problems: Some of the more popular quotes from some of the most famous geniuses don’t actually aim what we believe that they do. For illustration …

5

Murphy’s Law( “Anything That Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong”) Was Just A Dig At His Own Bumbling Assistants

You know Murphy and his damn Statute: “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” In other statements: The universe is always out to got to get. It doesn’t trouble if you plan ahead and preparations for all contingencies — something will always go wrong and bolt you over. Yep, the fundamental rules of the universe are why our last camping expedition was just going shit; it’s not because we strategy it at the last second and produced nothing but a Taco Bell combo box.

What It Actually Necessitates:

The original signify was more like, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong … when you’ve got these chuckleheads for assistants.” The Murphy in Murphy’s Law wasn’t some historic genius or ancient philosopher, but a U.S. Air Force engineer called Edward A. Murphy. His evidence was provoked by a military venture committing a rocket-powered sled, apparently designed as a way to capture and relish a particularly elusive roadrunner.

US Air Force * Holds up signed that replies “Yipes! ” * Murphy was tasked with installing sensors of his own design on the sled, to evaluate its speeding, but once the test was ended, the sensors hadn’t weighed shit. Murphy blamed the failure on his assistants, pronouncing TAGEND

Nick T. Sparks Murphy’s Employee’s Law: “[ shrug ]. ”

“If there’s any room they can do it wrong , they will.” Yes, the original form of this popular proverb was just a passive-aggressive boss chewing out his employees( for something that might have actually been his flaw ).

As the sled venture prolonged, other members of the team distilled Murphy’s phrase to a more familiar species( “If anything can go wrong, it will” ), and give it serve as a remember to make their patterns as idiot-proof as is practicable. Murphy’s Law was never meant to imply there’s a sitcom-like regulation that the universe is out to get you. Just that your boss thinks you suction. Of trend, this is all evidence of another universal rule that generally holds true: “Shit rotations downhill.”

4

“Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History” Was A Plea To Get Well-Behaved Women Some Recognition Already

One of many beads of wisdom assigned to Marilyn Monroe, the word “Well-behaved ladies seldom[ or rarely] acquire history” is most often used in one of two ways: A) as a announce of encouragement for women to stand up, get noticed, and carve their place into the annals of biography, or B) as an excuse for used to go and getting hammered. After all, Monroe, bless her being, was pretty good at both those things.

What It Actually Entails:

It is necessary that well-behaved women seldom obligate biography … but they should . You’ve probably already predicted that the matter is paraphrase wasn’t actually from Marilyn Monroe — it was reproduced 14 years after her death by historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. In 1976, she produced a scholarly essay documenting the eulogies of colonial females, which voices almost as merriment and sex as a Marilyn Monroe flick, sure. In her analysis of those eulogies — often the only the recording of these women’s lives — Ulrich manufactured the following see TAGEND

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich If you can’t to be dealt with when they’re polite, you don’t deserve them when they’re slightly more polite .

Ulrich’s message wasn’t “fuck the rules, ” it was more “can I get a little adore for all my virtuous sisters in the house? ” Her work is all about celebrating the ordinary people who gradually enact societal change over the decades, but are forgotten by biography since they are do it quietly. In her work A Midwife’s Tale , for instance, Ulrich combed through the( at first glance, unusually dull) publication of an average 18 th-century American midwife — uncovering the previously unknown economic and cultural rights wallop of midwifery in the country. For speciman: How many of people know “midwifery” was a word? We sure didn’t.

Unfortunately, Ulrich herself is pretty well-behaved, so people will probably resume ascribing her terms to more “unruly” women.

3

Charles Darwin Said “Science Has Good-for-nothing To Do With Christ” So They’d Stop Bugging Him About Religion

We can simply portrait it: Sir Charles Darwin was maybe taking part in some scorching conversation about progression with a cluster of religious zealots, when they asked about to explain how his dumb ape hypothesis jived with the Bible. And Darwin shut them all down with his famed, history-changing zinger: “Science has nothing to do with Christ.”

What It Actually Means:

Darwin didn’t hate religion — he just didn’t feel qualified to write about it. Harmonizing to his son, ol’ Chuck would get words from people expecting him about ethical and spiritual topics he simply didn’t suffer qualified to discuss. In 1879, at age 70, he replied to one such note like so TAGEND In other words: “What are you asking me for? ” He never set out to disprove the existence of God, and didn’t even consider himself an atheist TAGEND

So, how did Darwin earn his religion-hating honour? Blame his crony, T.H. Huxley. After On The Origin Of The Species was engraved, the British Association for Advancement of Science regarded their annual fit at Oxford and invited the clergy, since the two groups had been friendly up to that detail. Some clergy members hugged Darwin’s theory, some had skepticisms, and some were openly unfriendly. Bishop Samuel Wilberforce was one of the latter — he flat-out expected Huxley if the gorilla he condescended from was on his father’s back, or his mother’s.

Huxley shot back by saying that he would rather be related to apes than a humankind who employed his offerings to obscure the truth. Happens went downhill from there. Darwin, nonetheless, had the good sense to be sick that week and stayed out of the combat, which specified the colour for the progression debate in the 19 th century: Chuck would stay home and work on his volumes, while T.H. loudly antagonized creationists in his call. Others have since taken up that baton — you know them as “most of Reddit.”

2

The Concept Of “Invisible Hand” Was Coined By Someone Who Actually Believed In Government Regulation

We’ve all was right here: You leave a quick provide comments on a picture of puppies wearing bowties, and next happening you know, you’ve been sucked into a days-long dialogue about financials. And at some place in that dispute, someone perhaps mentioned the “invisible hand” — the idea that even if corporations act like avariciou dickholes, the market will ever deal with them by itself, without Uncle Sam butting in. Predatory banks will eventually lose their clienteles. Non-abusive contractors will get more project. Capitalism is just best available, you guys.

This notion was first described by 18 th-century philosopher Adam Smith, who is considered the leader of modern economics( and examined precisely looks just like you just imagined, right down to the wig ). Smith fanboys like Milton Friedman have expended his ideas to explain why the government shouldn’t govern business, or tax the rich, or bother with commie bullshit like aid — exactly sit by, and give the invisible hand sort it all out!

What It Actually Necessitates:

You know who was a big fan of taxing the rich to help the poor, though? Adam Smith TAGEND

That’s Smith himself in the very same work where he justifies his invisible side intuition, so it’s not like he got softer with age or something. Smith knew that the free market had its restrictions. He exploited an entire section of his most famous run, The Wealth Of Nations , to explain the areas where “just let them do whatever they want” is not available — public works, the legal plan, education, and health care. Sure, he disagreed with rehearsals like prescribing tariffs, compensation caps, or setting monopolies, but these are not exactly radical standings. Pass a company a monopoly and before you know it, a cluster of drunkards dressed like Indians are dumping the produce in the Boston Harbor.

To sum up, Smith would have hated privatized health insurance, did not believe in trickle-down financials, and spurned the flat taxation. The invisible side can steer us, but when it is necessary to absolutely free markets, it’s not leaving out any glad endings.

1

Karl Marx Said “Religion Is The Opium of the Masses” Because Opium Is Awesome

Karl Marx is the poster boy for atheism.

The German philosopher and granddaddy of communism furnished a perfect slam-quote to explain why religious parties were such mindless dolts: “Religion is the opiate of the masses.” This short but persuasive suppose has inspired countless jumpy t-shirts and skeleton-filled signs. So, Marx clearly meant that he considered religion kinfolks akin to mentally impaired, unproductive drug addicts laying on their own squalor, right? There’s no other explanation here.

What It Actually Intends:

First of all, if the current state of widespread pharmaceutical drug addiction has shown us anything, it’s that opiates are the opiates of the masses. But, maiming social question aside, check out the context in which Marx said that TAGEND

Marx said some pretty nice situations about belief and its role in culture, before angsty college minors wanting to make their parents feel stupids at Thanksgiving started quote-cropping him. Marx announced religion “the heart of a heartless world” and “the spirit of a spiritless situation, ” praising its ability to help people get through a tough life. He experienced empathy for the persons who seek refuge in belief , not disdain. If he saw you exploding extinction metal at carolers, he’d call you a thoughtless dick.

Instead of abolishing religion in his red utopia, Marx talks about wanting to create a macrocosm absolutely amazing that people don’t feel they need it anymore. It’s almost like he’s speaking in a way that won’t alienate the great majority of the person or persons likely to be reading his wield. He doesn’t even appear to use the word “sheeple! ” Go figure.

Tim Lieder’s story has appeared in Lamplight, Shock Totem, and Daughters of Frankenstein: Lesbian Mad Scientists( published by Lethe Press ). His latest wrote narratives are in Sugarplum Zombie Motherfuckers. He too owns Dybbuk Press, through which he’s produced nine titles including King David and the Spiders from Mars. Stephan Roget infrequently tweets over at @StephanRoget, where he’s largely just excited he didn’t have to use an stres. Check out his most recent articles here . For other far-famed sayings you’re totally botching, check out 6 Famous Literary Quotes Everyone Expends Exactly Incorrect and 5 Classic Movie Quotes( Where We Wholly Discount The Context ) . Subscribe to our YouTube canal, and check out Iconic Pop Culture Moments You Remember Wrong, and other videos you won’t assure on the site !

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