#and i wish i could live off of that

[1ouis]

.

#i #idk #i'm feeling some regret for account hopping fandom to fandom so much over the years and not posting my art regularly #it's so hard to not compare myself to other artists but i can't help that i have severe anxiety and burn out... #would i have already had a loyal following that genuinely cared about me? #would i have been able to live a more comfortable life working remotely and not have to do so much physical labor? #i feel like i'm wasting my life away. my potential. #people tell me to go to art school but i just don't have the time or resources to rn #i wonder if pursuing art as a career is even possible for me #i also can't help but wonder if my personality is likeable or memorable enough to even sustain that kind of thing #i'm not well-spoken nor would i make a good leader or role model #i just wanna make art #art for me and the people who get me #and i wish i could live off of that #i know i can get there some day if i keep trying and that it's ok to go at my own pace... #i just have no confidence in myself at all :( #jeri venting #I- ACCIDENTALLY POSTED THIS AHSHAASCG #whatever. i wanna practice being more vulnerable again anyway lol 😵‍💫

[th3e-m4ng0]

med student megatron....

#wip #totally and directly inspired from echoes of messatine #and from my own experience that one time in highschool #i was battling for my life to not fall asleep in literature class one day. i dont remember closing my eyes but suddenly my head i was on th #table and class was already over. i fell asleep so suddenly lmao it surprised me #ohh another recent one was last year where i fell asleep standing up while on the bus as i gripped the seat in front of me with Strength #i wish i could live off coffee but coffee has never ever worked on me grahhhhhhhhhhh

[dollypopup]

I can't stop thinking about Colin on his travels. Colin, alone, on a journey to 17 different cities, across several countries. Colin on his own.

Colin who writes letter after letter, to his family, to his friends, and barely gets a response back. How long before he understands that they didn't get lost in the mail? How long until he realizes that, just like when he was a boy, no one has the time for him? The space for him? How many letters unanswered before he lets it finally take root and fester in his mind?

He could have died on that tour.

Would they even notice? Would they see when the letters slow until they cease? Would they wonder why? His mum, surely (maybe, possibly, but she has enough on her hands, besides, and he's never been a concern, in need of her assistance, before), but anyone else? Anthony on his honeymoon, Eloise a stormcloud personified, Benedict taking on the familial responsibilities, Fran preparing for the marriage mart and in Bath, regardless. Daphne, his closest sister, a mum running her own estate.

Greg and Hyacinth who enjoy his stories, but are children.

Pen who ignores him. No explanation, no goodbye.

Colin who has no one in his corner. Colin who travels city to city, putting on personas. Will they like me? What about now? Colin who has hardly anything to read from the people he loves. Who do not think of him.

And yet he thinks of them. Brings them back gifts, writes his recollections for them until it hits him that, oh, they don't care. They don't care what he's doing, how he's doing. They didn't want to hear it before, when he was there with them, and they do not want to hear it now, either. Did they even open those envelopes? Did they see them come through the post, just as proof he's alive, and shrug off the contents? Did they look? Once, Colin sends an empty page. No one notices. Easier, then, to send just the outsides. People only ever care about the outsides. Pretty and prim in neat packages, uncaring of what lies beneath. Sea sick on the rocking boats, staring up at stars on the continent, Colin grows aware, but not bitter. Sad, but resigned.

He loves his family, he loves Pen, loves them to grace, loves them to it's okay. It was him, he determines. Too chatty, his letters too long, uninteresting, his passions dull or droll, or else, worse, he's displeased them in some way. Colin who takes refuge in stranger's arms and homes, who dreams and tries to sate his curiosity. Colin who pretends, because anyone, anyone but him would be received better, he's sure of it. Colin who must talk too much, surely, and with no one to listen. Colin who learns to hush.

Yes. Remarkable- as in, I have many remarks about it.

How many times did he go to excitedly write of what he did that week, and stopped himself, knowing it was a waste? How many times did he write and throw into the fire a letter asking Why don't you see me? Why don't you care?

If he didn't make it, how long would it take for anyone to notice? A month? Two? A year? Would they wave it off as his frivolity, denounce him as a flake and fume about the funds? Would they wonder where it was he had lost himself off at?

He cannot fall into that, so, he writes in his journal, instead. Of the ache of it, of how he longs for connection, for understanding, for someone to take him seriously. He keeps it with him, this log of his discontent, of his folly and felicity, of his pitfalls and pains.

If he didn't make it, would they realize all that's left of him is what he sent them, not even a body to bury? Did he look over the side of a bow of a boat and look at the churn of the ocean and think of how many bones it held? Did he tip his face to the sun? How many new scars did he earn? Who did he befriend?

Who did he become?

Somewhere along the line, Colin learned. He learned the real him wasn't wanted.

Somewhere along the line, somewhere between Patmos and Paris, Colin left Colin behind.

And, somewhere along the line, Colin laid face to face with loneliness in his bed, and it wrapped its arms around him.

#colin bridgerton #bridgerton #polin #say what you will- i understand why pen did it- but i still think ghosting your friend with no explanation #when he's off on a journey he could very well die on. . .not great #and what the fuck else was his family doing that they couldn't respond to his letters? they are aristocrats living in an off season #in the country- write a letter back to your son/brother who could perish in a land where no one knows him #idk i think about this a lot like colin was just. . .so uncared for and so unseen #he went off on travels to Europe in the early 1800s #anything could have killed him #and eloise last told him his letters slogged on and on and if he liked it so much he should have stayed #in an ideal world when colin said he apologized for what he said pen would ALSO apologize for not telling him sooner #i don't think she realizes just how lonely colin actually is #just how unseen he is #she thinks like so many others think that he's a popular man and oh so well regarded #that colin isn't real #colin isn't listened to- i wish more people would have empathy for him about that

[bubblebaath]

he only eats candy

#oc:michael #oc:mike #i wish i could live off of candy...........//

[unhinged-nymph]

Having so many thoughts about both of their reactions

#SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIORS #rhett blushing and clearly not knowing what to say #link looking around like he knows something #and like he shouldn’t have said what he said #and rhett looking off camera at someone who probably knows something we don’t #and then the “because you’re not the one pushing for it” ???? #Jessie pls #there’s options here #1. link neal #2. a biiiiig man who can finally make rhett look small #just to name a couple #this will be living rent free in my brain for the foreseeable future #I wish I could remember when link recent did the NEXT thing #cuz it was a similar sus sitch #they’re exhausting #rhett and link #rhink #gmmore 2607

[yardsards]

how to explain to your parents that you can't move back in with them because every time you're near them a big part of you buries itself and you're not sure how long that part can stay buried before its hidey hole becomes its grave?

...without offending them, of course

#eliot posts #last time i was forced to move back in w them was when the dorms closed for quarantine #and a part of me DID die then #and i think in those first 18 years i spent living with them so many parts of me died before they even had the chance to be born #they keep framing it as a generous offer. i won't have to pay rent AND they'll get me set up working oart time for my dad's friend #AND they'll replace my car with a newer one #but i do NOT fucking trust it #they act nice while i'm not living with them and am able to freely escape #but that niceness goes away once i have nowhere to go #like that's exactly what happened when i was forced back to them during quarantine #and how hard they're pushing this seems realllly sketchy #i told my mother i'd think about it (to get her off my back) and she said ''don't waste time thinking. just agree to it.'' #like hellll no. i do NOT trust like that. #even my sister was trying to talk me into it which i don't get because she of all people should understand. #but anyway. i'm applying for jobs and looking at extending my lease. i am NOT going back there. #i just wish i could tell them that without getting yelled at and guilt tripped and talked to like i'm a stupid little baby.

[ingravinoveritas]

Just wanted to drop a line to say that I know folks are concerned about Michael unexpectedly not appearing in Nye tonight, but there is a good chance that all of this is related to technical issues/preparing for the live filming of the show that is set to be broadcast into cinemas tomorrow night. Michael also doesn't strike me as the type of person to miss work unless he absolutely can't help it, so the best thing at this point is to stay calm until we know more, rather than getting worked up for potentially no reason...

#michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #nye the play #national theatre #i just hate to see everyone freaking out when this could literally be nothing #sometimes it's good to take a breath and step back for a moment #as shoemakerobstetrician also said if it was announced only 30 minutes prior to the show that means someone knew about it well before then #so i don't think this was as last minute as people are thinking it is #sending all best wishes to Michael of course #and hoping tomorrow's live filming will go off without a hitch #fandom woes #thoughts #discourse #gif by me

[sigsfigs]

sorry for no art was too busy MEETING BRENNAN ZAC AND ERIKA????????

#i didnt get a pic with zac but i did get his autograph which is huge #doxxing myself a little but i really needed to post abt this #i was front row and rverything it was amazing .. i wasnt even going to dreamhack for them i was going to watch the cs2 tournament with my #best friend and then i got an ad about dnd with brennan and i was likw WHAAAAAAAAT #i missed the finals of rhe cs2 tournament AND seeing my favorite team win live just to stand in the meet and greet line for three hours but #i have absolutely no regrets.. i wish i could post the video of my meet and greet w brennan he complimented my piercings and makeup right #off the bat before i even said anything but my name.. we had a super sweet convo #AND ERIKA WAS SO SWEET TOO! rhey brought brennan food bcs he stayed in the meet n greet for way longer than he needed to and they took #pictures and signed stuff and talked to people even tho they werent meant to be in the meet n greet for some reason.. idk why it was #only brennan poor him . but anyways i had a lot of fun it was awesome the one shot was so funny and fun i love d20 #dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high #brennan lee mulligan #erika ishii #zac oyama #dreamhack #dreamhack 2024

[seaglassdinosaur]

I know we collectively agree that Hiccup isn’t romantically inclined, and his getting married and having kids didn’t make sense in the epilogue, but consider: Hiccup getting married for political reasons.

It’s a marriage of alliance, which is recognized both by him and his partner, and they enter it without expectations of romantic involvement. Since they’re now married, they live in the same castle, spend time together, and Hiccup finds he really likes his spouse. They’re funny, get along with his friends, and has the same interests and values. They both probably speak multiple languages. She understands why Hiccup is so dedicated to making the Wilderwest better, and holds similar views. She’s a good politician (her job after all, was to be an ambassador). Hiccup likes spending time with them, and the feeling is mutual. They’re not in love, they have their own lives, but they’re dedicated to each other and eventually decide to raise children. They teach their kids how to train hawks and hunt with dragons, riding, history, the Languages, and all the necessary skills of their world. They’re not in love and they’re happy together.

#pushing the aromantic hiccup agenda and also the queerplatonic agenda #as much as the idea of hiccup getting married was always a little off to me it was more the romantic angle #which I why I like the idea of a marriage of alliance and a partner who understands that #and then of course the montage of them being a good team and getting along #and going ‘yeah I like this person. I think this is the person I want to spend my life with.’ #also a) a lot of arranged political marriages did have the foreign spouse function as an ambassador #b) polyglot hiccup is canon and I think it would be neat if his spouse was as well. it is a marriage alliance after all. #she isn’t from the small area of berm #(actually give all the Vikings regional accents. I think it’s neat) #c) she/they because I didn’t feel firmly about the partner’s gender and the nords were pretty gender diverse #anyway I think the partner would probably be fond of the library and admire hiccup got it open way back when #get along with Fishlegs and camicazi well enough #and enjoy dramatic stories of their adventures. maybe have some of her own #also: normalize people having their own lives outside their partners. hiccup and they are happy together but also have their own friends #oh and you know hiccup would be a great dad. he loves Stoick but he would so much be the dad he wished he had growing up #are the kids bio related? are they adopted (cast off and No Names)? who knows! #I could build in my head what hiccup’s spouse is like but I’ll leave it here #they exist as we construct them #httyd #httyd books #my post #book!hiccup #hiccup the third #hiccup horrendous haddock iii #book hiccup

[inkandarsenic]

I didn’t know I needed incredibly high stakes Candy Land in my life until I watched A Crown of Candy but now that I’ve finished it? I need more of it. I need more political intrigue high stakes d20 seasons in general, Brennan, @quiddie

#dimension 20 #brennan lee mulligan #aabria iyengar #a crown of candy #high stakes candy land baby #I live for the political intrigue #i wish i could do that #even HALF as well as Brennan did crown of candy #that being said #Brennan #I am in your house #i am in your walls #how dare you kill off Preston the Pig #also I was so invested in all of this campaign #and also kept being forcibly reminded that all of these characters? #they are food #dropout #dimension twenty #intrepid heroes

[euphreana]

So I try to not talk about it much, but I struggle with the effects of depression periodically and the last few weeks haven't been great to me in the meals department. I found out about 'The Sad Bastard Cookbook' today though and it's been so useful. (Free to download too!) Lots of ideas for no-spoons meals.

https://traumbooks.itch.io/the-sad-bastard-cookbook

Just in case someone else could use it

#got some extra energy today so going grocery shopping with some ideas from the book #living off cereal and protein bars isn't fun #I love cooking when I can and wish I could now because I just had a ton of dietary restrictions lifted #it's upsetting

[fairweathermyth]

JUSTIFIED: CITY PRIMEVAL 1.05 You Good?

#justifiededit #tvedit #justified: city primeval #justified #vondie curtis hall #david cross #made by carolyn #sweetie i wish you could have lived and run off with your hot young boyfriend #too bad you made bad choices and had bad luck #a tricky combo!

[emdotcom]

In this hypothetical, the prosthetics are detachable, able to easily be modified or repaired, even customized for visual or fucntional preferences.

Getting them is about as safe as any other major surgery; certain amount of risk, yadda yadda. There's more details that would sway an answer, if this were something currently going on -- like the cost, can you sub out these prosthetics if they ever halt production, do you need medication to retain them, blah blah-- but, here? This is wish fulfillment. If you have something that hurts, or you wish you could just fix or swap out, you get to have it, just this once.

#em.txt #poll #polls #honestly i run a lot of polls & sometimes am like 'oh i hope this one gets even 15 notes' no i hope this one gets big. 16 notes at least #because this is interesting to me. #idk. it's probably a sign I'm not as able bodied as i may think bc i constantly am thinking like. #i wish i could pull out my spine & get the crick out of it. i wish i could replace my ears. #they can't hear very well & they always hurt & i always hear tinnitus. if i could swap them out i imagine some of that going away #i get people that might object to this -- your ears aren't killing you/you can get hearing aids/pain meds/ignore it #but I've been living with this my whole life & it has only gotten worse. I'd like a way to make it not get worse #otherwise next option for me is spine. option after that is probably prosthetic top surgery i wanna be able to take them thangs off #& put 'em back on when i feel like it. i want them thangs to be see through plastic with wiring & lights inside ya feel me #like i got a dualshock controller for oubitties

[acanthemp3]

sorry for disappearing from tumblr for 3 months without saying anything but im back now :> hiiiiiii :> ill ramble a bit abt why i was gone in the tags. anyway yay hi guys :> good evening :> hows everyone doing :>

#i really do feel bad... i was originally just taking a few days off to catch up on assignments #but i got convinced the internet was poisoning my brain m i got super scared of coming back online for some reason i couldnt really identif #then i realized it was one of my classic attempts to self isolate to solve all my problems when all it actually was is self sabatoge. #many such cases! #so much has happened but also literally nothing has happened at all. crazy #youd think all that time not on tumblr would have made me more productive but it didnt. i just napped and wallowed. #i wish i could come back with more art or something but i lowkey got nothing. but im working on several things yay!! look forward to it #on the bright side i think i recognize the impulse a bit better now and im trying to stop shutting myself off from any kind of community #u know how it is when its almost ur birthday and u realize that time keeps passing and if u keep living the way u are - #- ur never going to be happy? yeah. #so im probly going to be a bit chattier online or at least try to be. im trying to live my life less afraid of everything in many ways #angel.txt

[skunkes]

when past experiences influence present day interactions

#talkys #i wish i could talk about it on here...aughhh #its one of those things that its like Yeah Duh We Are Shaped By What We Live #but i just hate seeing it's so Present. i dont like it. even if im better off now and smarter because of it. ykwim #like its Normal of course. i just hate seeing it crop up and knowing Why. sucks. #i wish i could somehow keep the Learnt Lessons but erase the memories

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Wait, but what is it about wally in the human au that makes him so weird?? Is it just an ableism thing or does he have like strange habits/interests

mmmm it's a bit of both kinda? more so the latter honestly! i mean by social norms & standards he's already a quirky guy, and i think he'd have a plethora of 'odd' mannerisms & habits on top of that. so yes, he's genuinely strange, but it's up to others to view/treat that as a negative or a positive or a neutral yk yk

#personally im standing off to the side sighing wistfully #wishing i could live my life so unbothered by how the world views me. oh to live your most genuine self without fear or compromise.... #like for example i gotta stick with the apple theme. he fucking Loves those things. he'll talk for hours about them #like in his & barn's kitchen there is an Apple Basket for him to gaze upon or pick out an apple to admire or paint #and he gets distressed whenever he views someone eating an apple or cutting one up cause to him they're Not Food & he loves them yk? #and of course there's the intense unbreaking eye contact with literally everyone #unless he's explicitly asked 'dont look me in the eye' he Will Stare Into Your Soul #and if asked he'll Remember & will literally never make eye contact with that person again. he'd rather close his eyes completely #& in this au he's still Constantly Smiling & honestly is very hard to ruffle to the point of it being slightly unnerving #he goes through a haunted house with his friends and has them all cowering behind him as he strolls through casual as anything #rambles from the bog #wh modern human au #i could go on! he's just... yk! he's Him! without compromise! he takes norms & expectations and crumples them up! #he looks at them and says 'wow! this is worthless!' #and keeps doing his own thing