#and i’ll be living for myself and not for money

[matilyntheweirdo]

Out of curiosity- How much do you know abt ur fav character in The Outsiders?? My fav is Dallas, who was the sixth character to be introduced by pony in the book- hence my blog name lol

Dally’s full name was Dallas Tucker Winston (as we know)

was 17 (also as we know) and died just two months short of his birthday, which is November 9th, meaning the book begins in September on a Friday

got his disc memorized- you know the drill with him so I’ll keep it shortish: described as tow-headed with an elvish face, with high cheekbones and a sharp chin, small sharp animal like teeth and ears like a lynx, his hair was almost white it was so long, but he didn’t like haircuts or hairpins either so it went over his forehead in wisps and kicked out in the back in tufts along the nape of his neck and curled behind his ears. The shade difference between a greaser and a hood wasn’t present in Dally, he was a wild as a brumly boys, like Tim Shepard’s gang. He had pale icy blue eyes, cold with a hatred for the whole world- he didn’t have anything specific to hate. (So much for short- Read it 217 times since 7th grade)

gave pony the letter from soda and didn’t want to get beat tf up by Darry for giving pony the money and the gun

bought pony and Johnny food at Darry Queen :D

he showed up to the rumble with his arm burnt tf up and fought anyhow

Took Ponyboy to see Johnny because he knew he was dying in the hospital and wanted pony to seem him one last time too

he was born in 1948- since the book was finished in ‘65, I just subtracted 17 from there- so he would’ve been 76 this year :,(

on a lighter note, S.E. Hinton confirmed that he was most likely out of the gang to be scared of spiders- had me rolling 🤣

Lmao it got to the point where I gaslit myself into thinking he lived and Johnny lived based on a fic I read years ago and when I reread it this past month my whole reality with him shattered- please send help I can’t be the only one obsessed with a character to this degree🫠

Wow I think you’re more obsessed with this book than me 😭 HOW HAVE YOU READ IT 217 TIMES? I’m on my 3rd reread in the past 8 months or so.

But seriously wow! I’m glad I found someone who is as obsessed - if not more than me lol. Dallas is probably my 3rd favorite character (ik don’t come and find me lol) behind 2. Johnny and 1. Darry

Darry has always been my favorite character ever since I read the book for the first time. He just stuck out to me and I love his character so much. He also is played by Patrick Swayze and he is the finest man to ever walk the earth sooo. (Like seriously I’m obsessed with this man I’ve watched almost every movie he’s in please send help)

Even though Darry’s my favorite character I don’t know everything about him off hand lol. I’m just gonna make a list of everything I know off the top of my head about my favorite character (yes out of every book I’ve read he’s my favorite character, secondly being Katniss Everdeen if you would like to know lol)

• He’s 20 years old

• His full name is Darrel Shayne Curtis Jr (I say this at least twice a day idk don’t ask why)

• Don’t quote me on this but I think he was introduced last in the book

• He works as a roof repair man person

• His birthday is January 5th

• He’s the oldest brother (obviously)

• He is said to not be a greaser if it weren’t for his brothers and the rest of the gang

• Darry was a MESS when Johnny and Pony were at the church (DARREL STAYS UP ALL NIGHT LONG, TILL HE FINALLY FALLS ASLEEP BY THE TELEPHONEEE - Sodas Letter from the musical)

• Also he was the football captain in high school and was voted boy of the year

• Don’t ask me how I know this offhand (I need a hobby) but in the book Darry is one of the tallest if not the tallest greaser but Patrick Swayze isn’t crazy tall so in some of the photos you can see him standing on bricks to make him look taller lol

Okay that’s all I remember right now but I know more will come to me later lol. And also I sincerely believe also that the events in the book are fictional (well no shit) but like FICTIONAL in a FICTIONAL way. Like Ponyboy definitely just needed a good grade so made up a bs story lmao. I really have tricked myself into thinking both Johnny and Dally are alive and well and the gang is still partying in Tulsa.

ALSO thank you for this ask it was really fun to do!

#the outsiders #johnny cade #ponyboy curtis #darry curtis #sodapop curtis #dallas winston #steve randle #two bit mathews #the outsiders 1983 #patrick swayze #darrel curtis #darrelshaynecurtisjr #patrickswayzeisman

[themistymountainscold]

is it too much to ask for the vibe of my life to be like what solider, poet, king makes me feel like 😔🖐️

#ONE DAY #ONE FUCKING DAY #i’ll be so comfortable with my life #i’ll have my surgery #i’ll be comfortable in myself #i’ll be on t #and i’ll be living for myself and not for money

[stuckinapril]

I’ve always loved medicine bc it’s the perfect intersection of science and humanity—the two things I value above all else in this world. Truly adored it since I was in the cradle. But now I’m thinking about how so much of my journey to neurosurgery will have to involve KILLING my feelings essentially bc how do you survive otherwise

#Not to mention the surprisingly high suicide rate of surgeons that’s been brought to my attention lately #Honestly I just started my neuro internship and just saw my first patient in clinic #And on the day I did I was critical of my neurologist for being so robotic about it #Now I can see why #I’m still at a point where I can’t even do a chart review for a patient without feeling so fucking sad #And I can see how that can get unsustainable after a while #But it’s like if I kill the feelings that drive my passion for medicine to begin with then what’s the point #It’s not like I’m in it for the money or prestige bc that’s so dumb considering how long the schooling is #But literally how to deal #My supervisors at the clinic very much all speak about the dementia patients w a learned impartialness #But I don’t wanna be that way one day :( but how to be anything else and still survive #I’m pre med so I still have time and maybe my opinion will change and I’ll wanna do another specialty #But when it comes to this every specialty will involve human lives and navigating that regardless #That said I can see why surgeons are at higher risk or depression suicide etc #The whole point of this internship is to teach myself how to navigate this stuff but. Hate it #p #med tag

[rapidhighway]

I didn’t go to sculpture again……

#please please please I have anxiety I have a mental illness #I can’t make myself go there it’s hell idk why I’m just so nervous every time I make myself feel sick #and then I get another excuse not to go becuase I literally feel like I’m gonna throw up #I’m not going to pass if I don’t start going there……. #and I cannot handle repeating a semester #I live in fear #and it doesn’t help that I have intermedia class later today which is my second greatest enemy and just as dreadful #banging head on the table #I need to be wrapped in a blanket and go to sleep forever #god even if I go there I’m never going to be able to come up to my prof and talk to him about my project I get physically I’ll at the #slightest suggestion from my friends that I should finally do it #everyone’s done it already #I will literally cry if anyone talks to me #the profs just intimidate me so badly I feel like they hate me #and everyone says they’re super nice but I can’t make myself believe ittttt they will eat me alive #but if I never go I won’t pass the class and repeating the semester will cost money #pleas I have the stupid project idea ready but I just can’t do it I’ve thought about just emailing them and doing it all through email but #I couldn’t do that either I’m just in panic mode instantly #so yeah I’m just venting not asking ppl for solutions 😶✌️ I just don’t want to text my friend again bc I’ve been putting way too much on #them #they do practically everything for me anyway bc I can’t do shit by myself #uh ok I just need to put this SOMEWHERE #I’m gonna curl up and draw metal or whatever #ugh I know I’m making things worse by not coming #but I can’t make myself I just cant I’m gonna have an anxiety attack ✌️ #no one look at me #I being sensitive and vulnerable here

[pokemonruby]

my therapist telling me that i’m smart, i have immense potential, and that she genuinely believes that i can add something to this world is just… man. stuff you need to hear for real 😭

#she’s so understanding and kind. #my situation is extremely unique so i sometimes wonder if i’m even making progress as it’s been slow-going but. #she said that i’m really coming around and i am most certainly not a lost cause. #it’s really been hard. i’m sickly and disabled and i don’t have a lot of money coming in as of writing & it oftentimes feels hopeless #i’m in a bad domestic situation and it feels like i’ll be trapped forever but #i want to have the faith that it won’t be like this forever & there’s still a chance for me. i can find a place for myself eventually #even if i’m just living out of spite it’s better than giving up entirely #sometimes it doesn’t feel worth it but at the very least i’m too stubborn to let the people who’ve put me down get the better of me #riley rambles

[fingertipsmp3]

I love the sims 2 because it will completely wreck your shit right when you’re least expecting it

#i’ll set the scene for you: i’m doing the prosperity challenge (basically a challenge where you create a number of completely randomised #families and you play them in rotation. rules vary but generally the goal is to make all your sims as successful as possible #and it’s meant to add some variety and drama to the game) #so i’ve played through the first four families which were all some variation of either grandparents or teenagers looking after kids #just because that’s how my rolls fell. so i got to the last house which was just one adult man and i was like okay. #i JUST need an heir out of him. just ONE. and things were going great! he already had a boyfriend (the random uncle of the first family #i played realllly liked him and i was like ‘this might as well happen’) so i had them try for baby. then his dream job (slacker lol) #came up in the newspaper on the FIRST DAY and he kept getting promoted! i also had him adopt a stray dog i thought was cute #his pregnancy went unbelievably well. he only passed out while eating one time. i allowed myself to be lulled into a false sense of security #and then mans ✨WOKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND GAVE BIRTH TO QUADRUPLETS✨ #look this is honestly on me for downloading the triplets and quads mod. i don’t even know why i do it. just for the risk factor? #regardless there was only a 3% chance for this and yet it STILL happened. on the first birth in the neighbourhood no less!!!!! #bear in mind this man is living in a 2 bedroom starter home; has one paycheque (GROCERY STORE CLERK) AND he’s just spent a bunch of money #on his new dog. and we can’t exactly sell the dog’s stuff because it’s essentials #i managed to find the money for 4 cribs and a nanny fucking Somehow. and then carnage ensued #i don’t think this man bathed for 3 days. i got the dog a job and then realised it got weekends off so wouldn’t be going #aging them all up into toddlers aged ME. i think they’re technically classified as some being a day older than the others but idc #i’ll rectify it at the next birthday. or at one of their birthdays anyway #it was just SO messy. next rotation should be better though??? i had him marry the kids’ other father (who is an elder so will probably be #around approximately 5 minutes) who bought in exactly £5 but at least there’s an extra person to change diapers and get bottles #i see a lot of nannies in these kids’ future i fear #personal

[itgoeso]

i’d be so fucking powerful if i let myself enjoy things

#no seriously there hasn’t been a second of my miserable life #that i have actually enjoyed/let myself enjoy a moment #i’m having this chance to travel for free to the beach for a week #and instead i’m worrying about what will i do about one of my jobs #that i’ll probably have to quit because it’s a travel i’ll do because of my internship #i wish i didn’t stress so much over every single little thing fr #like i still live with my parents but sometimes i stress over money like a person who actually has to pay rent or something #i don’t even like the other job i hate it actually lmao

[paulic]

The bug man announced a tour!!!!!!!!!!! I just hyperventilated in the shower

#I’m not kidding when I’m saying I would pay any amount of money to see him #if he comes to Europe I’m buying a plane ticket to any city and front of stage tickets #I have enough money saved up for this (i wanted to use it to pay my way through a semester of uni abroad) #BUT this is much more important to me than any stupid ass uni Semester could ever be #I will not let myself believe that I’ll see him because I had tickets before and the show got cancelled and I was inconsolable for weeks #but I’m just saying #I’ve got my credit card ready paul please say you’ll come to Europe #I’ll give you my Kidney my lung my heart whatever you want boy just sing your silly songs for me PLEASE #I think this is what religious people feel like when they think they’re going to see god or whatever #the thing is this is the single most important thing to me and IF it happens it’s downhill from then on. there’s nothing more there I think #imagine seeing lady Madonna live imagine seeing him okay wings stuff imagine seeing MCCARTNEY 3 SONGS LIVE #imagine holding up a sign and he reads it and — I shan’t say #play* not okay

[itsukicoded]

biting on my hand for having to buy a new laptop

#im so scared to spend money #and im literally getting it on sale too but #the thought of spending more than $25 on something is making me uneasy #i know i’ll be glad i did but still #it’s giving me so much stress!!!!!!!!! i need reassurance 😭 #i’ll earn it all back #but im scared!!!!!! i need money!!! #but im also at the point where i don’t want to stay in the same spot anymore #i know I’ve been saying that but i want to make tangible changes to better my future #begrudgingly even since im the one that chose this stupid life anyway #and as much as i take pride in keeping my word i want more than most to not quit on that kid that chose this stupid life #at twenty one i decided to keep living…..it seems so far away now but #i don’t give two fucks abt all the ‘ppl who would miss me’ if i ‘died’ i couldn’t care less abt any of it #but it makes me feel guilty to think that person back that wanted to become something and i let them down #not that it’s healthy that i keep shedding my past shelves and looking at them as someone separate from me but #i should stop sulking and try to do something at least try something #then if i fail then….maybe they won’t be disappointed in me when the time comes for us to me again #i can say to myself ‘you worked hard and did your best’ maybe that’s why i just feel passively dead these days #but…..idk #all i know is im scared to make this stupid purchase #i don’t have much money as it is #deleting

[tariah23]

My birthday is Friday but I don’t even care about it fr, I just want to go to the movies with my sis and eat cake and watch John wick or some shit

#or finish the jjk anime I never watched the whole thing… I want to before the new season starts #my sis and I were supposed to have went to see tlc live but change of plans because money #so we said that we could probably go to the movies and get our free Starbucks for our bday and go to chilies or something like that #mom wants to get us a cake but I’ll pick it up #one of my sister’s friends bday is around ours so she wanted to go to a cafe with us so hm okay #rambling #I always get annoyed around bday time because if it were up to me I wouldn’t care to celebrate it but I’m a twin and my sis cares about #bdays and so does my fam but my little bro and myself really don’t be giving a shit 😭 #coughing… the. the 29

[filmcel]

Hey man, some advice from someone on their way into their mid twenties: don’t continue into higher education if you don’t want to. I know it’s easier said than done, but I mean it wholeheartedly. School is draining, and if just the thought of it is causing you stress, than actually going will be worse. It’s hard when it feels as though there’s all of this pressure to not disappoint yourself parents or anyone else that expects this of you, but you are what matters most. You should be your top priority. You should do the things that are in your own best interest. I tried to go to college multiple times after graduating (and struggling to do so immensely despite the fact that I’m smart and school came easy to me. I was just incredibly burnt out on life by that point) and it never ended up working out. College isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. You’re not less than or a failure for not doing what society tells you you have to do to be successful. You can find meaningful work that doesn’t break your body and soul without college. You can maintain or create new friendships without college. Put yourself first, and you’re doing great 💜

thank you 😭

#saying more in tags bc i’m shy #currently bc i’m so young i’m just going to stay with what i’m doing #i was able to figure out my shit for today and i start next week #i’m an easy quitter so if i fucking despise it u best believe i’m leaving #but maybe it ends up being amazing. i rlly don’t know . #just doing this now to please my family. #i still work and i have friends. my future goals aren’t limited to school and i have to remind myself of that. #getting a life outside of school has helped me become a better person i think. #and i hope if i remember that i do have a life outside of school i’ll survive going to class if i know it’s not the end of the world if i’m #not the absolute best. #for now i’m too young to say no to my parents #all things considered i should just say no #but living w them is hell dealing w this #i think my best option is to dip my toes in and see how it goes. #i don’t even have to push myself too hard. and they won’t either bc they know anything is better than nothing #but i do not regret at all the time i spent out of school #i was able to work so much and as annoying as work can b i’m very grateful i got to do that #bc not only has that helped me make my closest friends but also …MONEY. #soon i’ll get a car. and soon i can start planning my own future #captain’s log #One step at a time ☝️🙏 #incoming transmission #i appreciate u anon . #but this year i’m going to try and b easy on myself #we’ll see how that goes #also it’s low stakes bc it’s just community college #maybe if i can take stuff that interests me i can figure myself out more #bc while ik ever job doesn’t NEED college degree. idk what i want to work in. #there’s things i’d love to do. but i have zero knowledge of anything

[stuckinapril]

might have a parisian girl era soon. we’ll see

#uncle who lives in belgium knows i graduated a year early + currently studying for the mcat #and he’s practically begging me to visit him in belgium and study there #and belgium is only around 2 hours away from paris so you best believe id be taking the train there every day #the thing is i study full time & only have a minimal part time job on the side so he and my mom would have to foot that bill #and idk i’d feel so bad. i’m already so spoiled. like i never had to work a day in my life but im 21 #it’s very much in arab culture to spoil the daughters like this but still !!! #it just feels like i have to put my big girl pants on and start saving + relying on myself more & more when it comes to that #so that’s probably what i’ll be doing. plus i have research + my neuro internship here and i cant just drop that #but once i get a research publication in a few months + save up my own money im seriously considering j putting myself on a plane & going #i’m sure he and my mom would have no problem paying but it feels wrong. this is one thing i rly wanna pay upfront myself i think #but if i do manage to pull it off it’d be so cool bc i rly wanna see him #and i rly wanna bust out the 8 years i have in french #p

[goldkirk]

.

#2023 is the year that I get my finances and my financial trauma sorted out #because it’s either this or it kills me and I’m all done leaving myself open to being killed #have to do a lot of hard work realizing how bad the money stuff was re: hours per week of being trapped in the kitchen with 1-2 people #damning me if I did and damning me if I didn’t #and one of them constantly watching my bank account because they had access till I was 25 #and all the fear they put in me and how they trained me to sabotage myself for them #NO MORE #it is not as scary to just face the hellish nightmare zone of loans and debts and not enough money for butter or dog food or whatever #than it is to not face it and live in guiltridden fear all the time #at least with the first option I have itemized spreadsheets I can take to debtors and a bankruptcy attorney if needed #I’d love to find a second job again but it’s been pretty hard #but regardless #no more avoidance NO MORE AVOIDANCE avoidance and shame don’t get me anywhere #the only thing that will is holding hands with the shame and the terror #and if all goes well #maybe I’ll be able to finally get my root canal and other cavities done 2 years late #and also rebuild some savings #mostly just I gotta do this or I’m going to give myself high blood pressure and an ulcer by the end of the year I cannot handle a mother #year of looming financial threat #it’s getting sorted out this year or not at all #and I’m all out of accepting ‘not at all’s #shh katie

[officialbabayaga]

tee hee went fully irresponsible and got tickets for wwwy 😌

#i want to have FUN also if i never got to see mcr perform i’d never be able to live with myself #howmever if they end up announcing another tour before wwwy happens i’m selling my tickets at as big a markup i can get sorry #but i’ll need that money to fund going to at least 3 mcr shows. is the thing #zoe stuff #libby and i have a PLAN

[thompsborn]

me, 30 minutes ago: its 1 am and i should sleep <3

me, immediately after: refreshes tumblr, decidedly does not go to sleep

#i say this like its funny haha #but tbh it is mostly because i am so fucking. Devastated about the horrible shit happening to palestinians #i saw so many videos and pictures today of such horrible things that they’re suffering through right now #and im seeing it through a screen from my safe little bubble in my house and its still destroying me emotionally and mentally #i cant imagine the fear and horror they must be feeling in gaza #and the fact that they have probably felt this fear and horror for a very long time because of israel’s ethnic cleansing of their people #im in such a privileged position and the least i can do is spread awareness and i donated what i could and i have plans to reach out to my l #local government and encourage them to speak up and condemn the genocide of palestine and im looking for local protests and shit like #im gonna do what i can but i know i cant do enough as just a singular individual with low social impact and not a lot of money #but i’ll still do what i can no matter what #i wouldnt be able to live with myself knowing i sat back and said nothing while the palestinians suffered so much #which honestly i already did because i wasn’t educated about it prior to this past week and thats entirely my fault #i mean partially i know its western civilization not showing the horrors that israel has committed but i try to stay in the loop on things #and try to be aware of things happening in the world and i failed to become aware of this before now #i could have been doing more for years to try and spread awareness for palestine and i never did and i wish i could go back and change that #but i cant #but what i CAN do is speak up now that i know and spread awareness and refuse to let palestine go down without a fight #sorry this is a fandom sideblog i know ive been posting a lot on my main blog and i do need to go to bed and whatever #its just hard to sleep knowing that as i sit here safe and comfortable in my bed there are children families innocent people dying in gaza #and the world is actively and successfully trying to paint palestine as the bad guys #its fucking awful and despicable

[yuribalisms]

Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that

#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them #I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I #think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills. #and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo #don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is #I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin #I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one #I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to #those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely #that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism #sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim #so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and #miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work #any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to #STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying #to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill #just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t #ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their #careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I #have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that #doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live #in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and #struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything #better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of #this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do #to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it. #I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps #kaz rambles