#and that i have a naturally soft demeanor that offsets every ounce of effort i pht into my looks to be more masc

[this-should-do]

ugh

#genuinely think if i dont get therapy and medical transition soon i might actually kill myself #life is too fucking much and i cant take this shit anymore #its unfair that i got unlucky in the genetic draw and got sruck with the stupidest most feminine body in the world #and that being fat when i live the exact same lifestyle as thin people makes kt easier to tell that im born female #and that even if i do all the working out in the world its not gonan fucking chnage the way my body looks and manages its distribution #and that i have the face and mouth of every single fat comedy side character or fat villain #and that ive lived my whole life hearing about how pretty and wonderful i look and how i look like my grandmother #and that im short and have almost all my weight below my torso so i look like the worlds largest pear #and that i have a naturally soft demeanor that offsets every ounce of effort i pht into my looks to be more masc #and that i dont want to dress in baggy or sporty clothes and i dont have the budget to purchase those things even if i got desperate #or that i get overheated too easily to use layers and that i cant mentally handle being overheated #and its not fair that i cant for the life of me get my voice to cknsistantly be lower so i sound more maaculine #its not fucking fair #i cant fucking do this anymore #but im so fucking stuck reliant on ym fucking parents for mo ey that ill never get the help i need #and working as a teacher will never result in the money itll take to get the help i need #and it feels like even if i could get transition when i get a job itll be too risky with clowns like desantis #SPECIALLY as a teacher #i cant fucking look into a fucking mirror without wanting to cry and take a knife to every slab of meat that i ditn want on my body #and every day that im home im sruck hiding in my room so that i dont risk running inti my moyher and making her angry by existing #and having to affirm to her that im her little girl and be called by a name that isnt mine and pronouns that make me want to stab my ears #and be told by her that i just think im trans becuz im traumatized and dont want peole to think im attractive so they wont try to get close #to me becuz they wont know what i am when i dont even want to have sex and she says im just making that up to #my mental health is in shambles and has been for fucking months and its only getting worse #i want out #i want out so fucking bad #im tired of being jealous of my own fucking shadow becuz it looks like more of a man to me