#and to be afab and feel something similar to dysphoria when I’m mistaken for a boy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gettin-bi-bi-bi · 3 years

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Sorry this isn't about being bi, but this blog is p active opposed to the usual I'd go to and i wanted to get this off my chest. (Afab) I'd been questioning my gender for a while and rn Im not uncomfy with being seen as a woman perhaps I've just been gnc or something, like I have felt dysphoria about my chest and lower area before but now I'm not and I know there's fluidity but I'm kinda worried that I had been faking being trans/enby. i still dont really like she/her pronouns though.

Hi anon. You’ve not been faking being trans/non binary. Maybe you were simply mistaken but you’re allowed to change your mind about things as you advance through life. And probably more people should be questioning their gender even if it turns out they are just whatever gender they were deemed to be at birth, questioning and exploring other options is not a bad thing to do and overall usually makes us more open-minded and more accepting of people who aren’t like us.

Maybe you are trans though and your feelings about specific aspects of your identity and body have just changed. Even if you do experience gender dysphoria then that doesn’t have to manifest constantly or always in the exact same way. Maybe you’re just more comfortable in your own body now in general than when you were younger and that has resulted in the dysphoria fading. And sometimes dysphoria fluctuates or sometimes it can go dormant for a while until something specific triggers it again, or sometimes you may just end up focusing on other things, perhaps other stressful things in your life for example, and the dysphoria kind of recedes into the background. Dysphoria that fluctuates or fades away for some reason doesn’t automatically mean you’re not actually trans after all.

Or perhaps you do have a fluid gender and you’re just in a more female phase of that right now. I’m not genderfluid myself so I can’t really say how people do experience that but it’s a definite possibility.

Whatever you are though, please don’t worry about this ‘faking’ anything idea - these claims being spread around about all these ‘transtrenders’ and there being all these thousands and thousands of people ‘faking’ being trans is nonsense. People are allowed to explore their identities, they are allowed to experiment and try on different labels and they are allowed to get things wrong sometimes as they explore things. If you have been mistaken about being trans then so be it, the world isn’t going to end just because you used a label for a while that turned out to be incorrect. Making mistakes is just a part of life and a lot of the time that is how we develop and grow and also how we find out our true identity.

Also if you are cis, cis people can still have issues about body shape or particular aspects of their body, like hating having large boobs for example. I would imagine some of those issues feel very similar to certain kinds of gender dysphoria experienced by trans people so it’s not surprising to me that sometimes people may think they’re trans for a while when actually they’re not. I can completely understand why some people might be confused because of that and that is just an honest mistake, no one is faking anything.

And when it comes to pronouns you can use whatever you want whatever your gender is, even plenty of cis people use the pronouns associated with the ‘opposite’ binary gender or prefer more neutral pronouns. Whatever makes you comfortable, they’re your pronouns and you’re the one who gets to choose which you want to use.

- Tiger

#Anonymous

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secretmarial · 4 years

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So I’ve been thinking a lot about the KFC kids in general and their genders. Obviously all three are non-binary, and seem to prefer they/them, though Frisk only spent a day among monsters and is probably the youngest so they may pick out different pronouns at a later point. Anything from this point on is headcanon, do not feel as though I am trying to push my opinions on you!

Long post under the readmore!

Then I decided to start thinking about their assigned genders, just to get a better handle on backstory. Actually, that’s a lie. I saw that one galaxy brain meme about afab nb being perceived by other people, thought of Chara, and then when I thought about it I decided that being afab would give Chara maximum suffering and as much as I love them, suffering at the hands of humans is a major part of their personality. Note that I say afab would elicit maximum suffering because ‘male’ clothing is worn by basically everyone, while a-hole bios looking to force Chara to be a ‘good girl’ could shove them into dresses. (And also periods ohGod)

Chara now has problems with anything stereotypically feminine which they would hopefully address in therapy. MTT would of course be delighted to help them become more comfortable with the concept of dresses and makeup not meaning ‘girl’ though only at their own request. They end up a tendency to recoil from femininity so much that they overcorrect into masculinity. They do not identify as a male-nb, however, but as agender.

I decided Frisk is intersex because they seem to fill a role of ideal-Chara. Not to say that they are a replacement in any way shape or form, but it sort of ties in to Asriel saying that Frisk is the type of friend he wished he could have had. Frisk also achieves Chara’s goal of freeing monsterkind, and is compared to them on at least one occasion, besides the mistaken identity. It would almost make sense that Frisk would naturally have the kind of body Chara would be envious of. Also, I love the idea of Frisk growing up to have all of the secondary sex characteristics. They’re tall as heck, have broad shoulders, wide hips, curvy breasts, facial hair, ect, ect. I just want Frisk to be visibly, aggressively nb to anyone who looks at them.

I decided to have one kid for each assigned gender so Kris is amab. This is mostly to differentiate them from their siblings, since a lot of people want to say Kris is one, the other, or a fusion. That’s really all I have to say for them, at least until we get a better handle as to what exactly is happening in Deltarune. So this basically means that Chara and Kris are trans, while Frisk is technically cis. This throws Chara for a bit of a loop but they roll with it.

Frisk and Kris are both totally cool with dresses, makeup, and jewelry, though Frisk enjoys dressing up more than either of their fellow adopted siblings. This makes sharing a headspace with Chara a little awkward though, so they avoid it at first to keep from giving Chara dysphoria.

I also made decisions on deadnames, which I wasn’t originally going to share because they don’t matter but I’m going to be honest I’m a little proud of myself here. I decided that Chara’s deadname is Lucille, because of the similarity to Lucifer, as a shoutout to the demon that comes when you call its name. My dad has a snake named Lucifer and we call her Lucy, a common nickname for Lucille, so that’s where that came from. I also decided that young Chara didn’t originally know that nonbinary was a thing, they just knew they weren’t a girl. So, they figure, they have to be a boy, right? (Wrong) So they cut their hair short in the middle of the night (I recently decided that this is prompted by a nightmare, which I might expand on later, especially if anyone asks). Then they stare in the mirror and realize that they need a boy name, right? They consider (I considered) Luke, based on their original name, but then realized that they could use this opportunity to name themselves after the coolest guy ever, Jim Kirk! (Chara is a canon nerd, fight me) Except, James is kinda a boring name? And Kirk sounds weird. So during their short time identifying as male, Chara goes by the name Tiberius. They announce this to all of their classmates the next day. ‘But it sounds a little pretentious, you can call me Ty for short!’ Their parents and classmates and probably teachers all gave them hell for it, which is depressing. Then they eventually realize that, even if no one is really respecting their new male pronouns or any of it, ‘boy’ doesn’t fit any better than ‘girl’ did. So they just ditch the concept of gender as a whole. I like to think they gave themselves their name as they were climbing Mt. Ebott, and it became something of a mantra to them. ‘My name is Chara. My name is Chara.’ Then they fall and meet Asriel, and the first thing they blurt out after he asks if their okay is “My name is Chara!”

Kris was adopted by the Dreemurrs young enough that they might as well not have a deadname, because they don’t remember it at all, not even the faintest inkling of it. Actually it’s possible that they don’t, that their bios didn’t name them, if they were adopted from birth.

Frisk, oddly enough, does have something of a deadname, though it’s only really on a technicality. I have weirdly specific Frisk headcanons, which involve their homeless single father calling them by dozens of pet names, so often that they legitimately don't realize that one of them is their actual legal name. That one name?

Angel.

No I will not stop being ridiculous and making things deeper than they need to be, you can’t make me. Anyway, have a nice day and please feel free to shout at me about any of this I would love to discuss, as long as you’re discussion does not involve the KFC children having binary genders.

#undertale #mystuff #chara #chara dreemurr #frisk #kris #kfc gang #deltarune #lgbtq+#nb #nonbinary #my stuff

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transadvice · 5 years

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Hi there so I have a question about experiencing gender. I'm afab and never questioned that but I heard people talk about how they experience their gender in regards of dysphoria and euphoria. That got me thinking because I just kind of don't think about my gender? I mean my sex is female and I call myself a woman and use she/her but I've never "felt" any gender. I just kind of Am. My question is what that makes me or how one even experiences or notices ones gender

There are a lot of reasons why you might not ever think about your gender:

Possibility #1: You are cis and everything is fine, so you don’t have to think about it.

Trans people have to think about gender because there’s something wrong. The disconnect between our physical bodies and our internal sense of ourselves is problem that causes us stress. We have to do the work of identifying the cause of the stress (which can be difficult, especially when our dysphoria symptoms are unusual or confusing, or we don’t know that being trans is a thing). We have to figure out how to fix it. And we have to do this while society works hard to convince us that it’s not a problem and we’re wrong about ourselves.

With cis people, there’s no such disconnect, no gender stress, no work to be done, nothing to fix. So, they don’t have to think about gender because it’s all just kind of invisibly working.

It’s kind of like how you don’t go around saying, “Yay, I’m not in pain. Yay, my stomach doesn’t hurt. Yay, I don’t have a cold.” You don’t notice that kind of thing unless it’s wrong. When it’s right, you just take it for granted.

Possibility #2: You are agender or have low-intensity gender identity.

Gender is sometimes represented as a spectrum with male on one end and female on another, but I think there is also another axis of intensity; some people experience and relate to their gender intensely and others, not so much. Some people don’t feel they are any gender at all (agender).

Possibility #3: “My gender is fine” secretly means “my gender is not fine” and you’re on your way to exploring another gender identity altogether!

(I know, I know, I’ve covered everything these possibilities, but stay with me.)

I have to acknowledge that I might have described my gender identity in a very similar way to you before I came out to myself as trans. It was so unthinkable to me that I might not be a woman, that I simply thought I was a strange or “low-gender-intensity” woman, when really I was a pretty high gender-intensity man who was suppressing a lot of trans feelings. I would say things like “Sure I use she/her, because I don’t have any good reason not to.” Which is a very different thing from saying “I use she/her because THOSE ARE MY PRONOUNS.”

SO.... how can you tell?

If you’re happy and content with your gender (or lack thereof), great! You don’t have to do anything else. But if you think there is more you need to discover about your gender, that’s worth exploring!

Personally, I found gender euphoria a lot easier to identify than dysphoria. I was in denial about my dysphoria, but the random moments when I was treated or saw myself as more masculine/male, I felt a strong sense of rightness and pleasure. These moments sometimes happened by accident (such as being mistaken for a man by a cashier; being randomly assigned to play a boy role in a class play; hanging out with a group of male friends and being treated as ‘one of the guys’; accidentally putting on a too-small sports bra that flattened my chest). Other times, I intentionally made them happen in order to feel good (taking on a masculine screen name so that people on message boards called me ‘he’; playing a male character in a role-playing game; wearing a flattening sports bra on purpose; wearing clothes from the men’s department.)

So, why not try to create some of these moments and see how you feel?

More experimentation resources:

Play with the Pronoun Dressing Room.

Read a gender exploration self-help book, such as “My Gender Workbook” by Kate Bornstein or “You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery” by Dara Hoffman-Fox.

Talk to a LGBT-affirming therapist.

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blackbearmagic · 6 years

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NB Tag Meme

Considering myself tagged by @edderkopper

Rules: Tag all the nonbinary people you would like, and answer all the questions you feel comfortable answering! If you see this cross your dash and you haven’t been tagged, then by all means, participate anyways if you would like.

1. What is your gender? What language do you use to express your gender?

I’m bigender, and use she/her and he/him pronouns!

What I like to tell people when they ask how to refer to me is “You will never be wrong if you call me female”. I’m AFAB and didn’t realize I was nonbinary until I was an adult, so being called girl/woman/ma’am/her/sister/daughter has always been part of my identity! I’m just also very, very comfortable being referred to as “sir” or “him”.

Sometimes I lean more towards one binary gender or the other, but for the most part? I just feel like I’m simultaneously male and female. I guess one way to say it would be that most days I feel like I’m a Man, with the body of a Woman, and that that’s how it’s supposed to be. Like I’m a Man, just with a female name and medically female reproductive organs and secondary sexual characteristics and hormones, but that there’s nothing wrong with that arrangement. I’m Both, at the same time, and that’s how I’m meant to be for me.

Having watched many of my trans* and nb friends struggle with dysphoria, I feel so lucky that everything is so clear-cut and easy for me to accept.

2. How old were you when you first realized you weren’t cis?

Haha... 26. Specifically, Feb. 15, 2018.

The tag “Bear’s ongoing gender crisis” on my blog has part of the story, but for about a year prior to that revelation, I would periodically have these instances where I would be mistaken for male and I was Totally Okay with it. And the idea of being nb never occurred to me, so it would throw me into this panic of “but I’m cis??” for like three days and then I would forget about it. And then I really started thinking about it, and people were helping me, and then I just... the penny dropped, I guess.

3. In regards to the NB Presentation Scale, which do you feel describes you, if any?

Probably somewhere between a fox and a stag.

I definitely have powerful eyebrows.

4. In your regular presentation, what are some “staples” to your style?

Men’s jeans are my new favorite thing, paired with a tight tanktop and either a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up (if it’s cooler) or a sleeveless vest with hella pockets (if it’s warmer). Sometimes a bandana around my neck. Back when it was cold, I was never without one of my personally-knitted slouchy beanies.

Fun fact: Because of the way I dressed, a kid on a school trip once addressed me, persistently, as “Mrs. Lara Croft.” He even wrote on his exit survey that his favorite part of the trip was “playing group games with Mrs. Lara Croft”.

5. In regards to the enby “archetypes”, which describes you, if any?

Woodpecker, for sure!

6. Do you headcanon any characters as nonbinary? Talk about them!

Not really? I’m a boring person who almost never headcanons characters outside of their canon identities or sexualities. Not against it, just never really do it.

7. If you know of any characters that are canonically nonbinary: Do you like how they were portrayed? Were they relatable? How did it feel the first time you watched or read about a canon nonbinary character?

So this doesn’t have to do with any media characters, but rather a character from the series I’ve been writing on and off with @captainoftheseaqueen since, like, 2011.

The character’s name is Yinny--specifically, Yineput--Reid. Her older sister’s name is Chickenfeather. The story is set in the real world, where everything is the same except magic is a Thing--and everyone else in the story around them has perfectly normal names, like Erin, Killian, Riley, Farra... Mrs. Reid just wanted to give her girls names that stood out. She gave her daughters “normal” middle names (Melissa for Chick, Sarah for Yinny), so that they could go by those if they didn’t like their names as they grew up, but it wasn’t needed. Chick is Chick, and Yinny is Yinny.

Yinny was meant to be a loose self-insert character, as her older sister Chick (who was written first, and is 21 years older than her) was based heavily on my older sister, MC. As Yinny came to life, the way all OCs eventually do, I realized that her gender was... not quite clear-cut. She was definitely okay with being identified as and addressed as female, but she preferred to be somewhat ambiguous and androgynous. It was around this time that I was first learning about nonbinary gender identities, and I thought “oh, I guess Yinners is nb, cool”. I had even drafted in my head her whole coming-out conversation with Chick.

Five fucking years later, guess who turned out to be nb? Yup, the person who Yinny Reid was based off of.

The kicker?

In hindsight, I realize now that, just like Yinny, the first person I came out to about my nonbinary identity was my older sister, because just like Yinny, I felt that my sister would be the most attentive and receptive to what I had to say, and would let me explain myself fully before she commented. And the conversation MC and I had was... eerily similar to the one Chick and Yinny had had in my head years earlier.

tl;dr, I apparently self-fulfilling-prophecied myself with an OC who talks to roadkill

8. If you’ve changed your pronouns or name since coming out, why, and how did that process go? If you didn’t change your name or didn’t change your pronouns, how come?

I didn’t change my name, and I really don’t see myself ever doing so. My legal name, Suzanne, just... fits me. It fits me in a way that I don’t think any ever name could.

Of course, the downside is that there is no way to make “Suzanne” even remotely gender neutral as a name--in fact, you can only make it sound even more feminine. But I don’t mind. It’s a great name, and the rightest name I can think of for myself.

When I came out to my sister and she told me to keep her up to date on any name or pronoun changes, she said “just let me know if you would prefer I call you Zayne or something like that”, and I toyed with the idea for about two minutes, because Zayne sounds kinda like Zanne, before she said “but seriously, please don’t call yourself Zayne, you can do so much better, that’s a terrible fucking name”.

So I’ll just continue to be a man named Suzanne, I guess. I’m cool with that.

As far as pronouns go, I somewhat recently added “he/him” as pronouns in my about section, so that’s a thing. I once asked a group of friends if they could refer to me with he/him pronouns intentionally during one of our gatherings, and it was nice, but of course... you don’t often use third-person pronouns when talking about someone who’s right there, so it wasn’t a lot, haha.

There is, though, something deeply cleansing and affirming to me about the thought of someone saying “I was talking to Suzanne and he said...”

As I said above, people are not wrong if they refer to me with she/her or female terms, so like... I’m not too fussed about it.

Oddly enough, unlike seemingly a lot of nb people, I personally don’t like singular-they pronouns being used in reference to me. People referring to me as “they” usually gives me a deep, visceral feeling of wrongness that I can only assume is what being properly Misgendered feels like. She/her or he/him please!

Consider yourself tagged if you wanna spill your guts.

#the Bear roars

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