#and top of everything i just. cant get myself a fucking job

[hermoglobiini]

.

#this has been such a shitty week and were only on wednesday #my rent will be raised in may w 30 euros #i spairned my back yesterday and everything is pain #and top of everything i just. cant get myself a fucking job #for the last month i have been waiting an answer while constantly exchanging emails from this one place i really really wanted to go #and the ceo there said id really fit there but none of the project managers seem to want to take #me as their apprenctince or whatever i cant come up with a better word #so now i gotta keep looking but ive already sent so many applications and 0 asnwers #i just dont get it what is so incredibly wrong with me that i get no answers #its this same struggle every single spring #im so so so scared i wont have a job this summer #like hello im turning 25 and have had like . one proper summer job since turning 18 #it fucking sucks so fucking bad i just dont get whats wrong with me #am i really that bad at writing applications??? i just dont get it aaaaaaaaa #im so sick of everything i just want a job please give me a job #im so tired of stressing out money everything costs so fucking much and i just know the prices will never lower again #bc we live in a capitalistic hellhole #im disappointed in me and everything and #idk i wish i could sleep for the next 3944 months

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

[actual-corpse]

Was gone for a week and a half.

Cats had no water

Trash not taken out

Piss on tub

Shit on toilet

Dishes in sink

CATS. HAD. NO. WATER

I can forgive everything else, it's fucking annoying, what the fuck ever....

BUT THE CATS HAD NO WATER AND I DONT KNOW HOW LONG THEY DIDN'T HAVE WATER

#fuck him #he can live in filth once I leave #i wanna take his cat tho #if you cant be bothered to make sure the cats have water (I topped everything off before I left) #then it proves just how fucking selfish and self-serving you are #you holier-than-thou ape #get me out of here #i have to meal prep for this fucker and he WASTES HALF OF IT #I CANNOT AFFORD FOOD FOR MYSELF AND HE FUCKING WASTES WHAT I BUY #and wants to make ME out to be lazy because i dont work #CANT work #WALMART STEALS HOURS TO KEEP THEIR WALLETS FULL #not really worth it to risk a lower paying job with even less hours #im exhausted

[timehascomeagain]

im literally this close to giving up on everything love and light

#i need to quit my job i need to finish my personal statement i need to get my coursework affairs in order for my other subjects ohhh im #going to kms actually for real this is sick #im so upset about my grades it's not even that theyre bad it's that theyre not as good as they need to be and i feel like i just totally #fucked everything up for myself and i cant even do it like i feel so delusional about my top 5 now #IM SHTRESSINNNNNNNN get me outta here im too pretty to be this stressed #i have 3 months of work to cram into 3 days plus a personal statement which is cool and fine and normal when u think abt the fact im working #7.5 hrs the day after tmrw

[carrotpiss]

This is a bunch of sad lost and confused and frustrated and lonely sludge, advise not reading

#im just so completely miserable and exhausted and just angry with everything #gic has gone silent. im getting so stressed about the ethics of my top surgery fund because i dont know if its something i should be still #doing how long until they talk to me again if they do will the waitlists even be livable is it ethical is it worth it does anyone even have #the money to spare anyway to help before the endless nhs waitlist #why am i being left in the dark #im terrified that i dont know when my pap smear will be and that i have to go under anesthetic for it because i fucked up my own body by #being a pathetic cowardly idiot who is to stupid to exist like im supposed to so now im worth nothing and i cant navigate dating bc of it #bc it just makes me shut down immediately when i realise its something i do have to disclose because im shitty and broken and worthless #and i dont know whats happening and i dont want the smear anymore and the nhs sent me a terrifying letter saying im not a real person and i #predictabley got to scared to reply to so now i may have fucked up literally everything which is my fault but also why does the ngs not just #have a system that works and isnt briken just because im trans #and i jsut want to die i cant die but im jsut scared and i want to hide forver #i dont know whats happening with my job am i still getting paid will i get the November cost of living backpay will i get my pension refund #i jjst feel lost and pathetic and desperately clawing out for any vague threads of interest for sex and dating even though im as previously #mentioned in these tags not fit for that and should just die forever in box alone and aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhj #I just want a hug for the next millennia #instead im kust fighting off thoughts about starving myself as punishment because i dont deserve to eat jm not worth the expense of my own #paycheck to buy food for not that it matters because im sick and getting sicker amyway and of course one of my moles is looking insanely #dodgey and ive had to book a doctor's appointment for it but its so tempting to kust ignofe it surely itd be better if it was cancer and #then j could just die amd people wouldnt blame me for being pathetic or whatever removing myself but sad and tragic for dying from something #scary or whatever the fuck im fully aware thats a fucked up thibg to be thinking im just a bit at amessy ends atm and j dont even have a #hot chubby dude or not dude to pretend is ever going yo be interested in me or whatever and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #dw to anyone reading this in the event someone is i wont remove myself im a huge coward and too lazy to do that #crouch speaks #and its only November! we still got winter to come!!!!! my favourite (sarcastic) time of the year that doesnt absolutely fuck with my head

[hecksupremechips]

Literally feeling sooooo horrible and hopeless oh boy 🌝

#theres just a lot of horrible factors rn that have built a perfect storm #canceled the internet to my old apartment months ago and then they decided to charge me for ‘not returning their equipment’ #when ive literally tried to send it twice and get like no fucking direction from them #and i dont have anyyyy money right now #yesterday i was woken up at 10:30 by my dad who had to come home from work #just to move the car cuz these fuckijg. i dunno. gutter guys showed up and couldn’t do anything with my car in the way #i had no way of knowing theyd even be there but i checked my phone and had mean angry missed calls from my dad #all cuz i just couldnt be fucked to wake up earlier #this whole week ive been completely exhausted and i cant do anything as a result i cant focus i cant feel anything its all numb #my mother tells me shes gonna spend money that i guess she does just have ready to throw away on getting me diagnosed with autism #something i tried and tried to tell her for months that i dont need nor want and that its too much hassle #not to mention the price which all my parents do is guilt trip me for costing too much money everything i do that costs money is being cut #necessary meds are being cut off cuz its a waste of money even though insurance covers most of it #but they spend money on this and i just know. i know its gonna be used against me #that if i dont obey them theyre gonna bitch about how i cost them so much money on something i explicitly said i didnt want them to do #its all getting in the way of me just trying to escape now i have to take care of this i just want to cut them off but how can i do that now #i like to lie to myself thinking ill get a job but then i dont my dad yells at me every day for not applying to a job #he gives me big lectures on religion and how im failing and how i shouldnt trust anyone except family #ive gotten an excuse to avoid him last week and this week but its over now so im stuck here again #annnddd to top it off i found a fucking lump in my stomach who even fuuucking knows what it is maybe a hernia or something #so great now i have that to deal with what the actual fuck did i do to get that ughhhhhh #its just another thing forcing me to stay in this shithole it seems i wanna fuckijg bang my head until it explodes #i cant cry though i just want to cry so i can feel the relief but that wont ever happen again cuz im a worthless nothing robot #who feels nothing and does nothing and is nothing

[cherizzx]

Omg... He fell!

Todo Aoi x Black Reader!

This my first story y'all so be nice! well critic but keep it cute!

' Omg...this nigga dumb as hell' I thought, seeing Yuji and Todo arm wrestlin but with..pinkies? Like I understand they both got loose screws in they head because of..I truly don't know but, they don't get it all up there! I was watching til my friend Liyah taps me and snickers " Girl you finna burn a hole in they head!" she giggled, and I just roll my eyes adjusting myself in my seat to look at her. " Hey na!, not too much I'm only watchin" I responded still somewhat looking at them but not Yuji; I mean he's cute and all buttt, I LOVE ME SOME TODO! I mean his muscles, and his smile that little smirk just gets me goin!, and lets not talk about his confidence! Usually, cocky guys just give off red flags but him, he's confident in himself! He don't need to prove himself to nobody because he knows he's the shit he like drake but not drake ( Fucking hate drake).

Me and Liyah continue talking about random shit like baddies and if Coi Leray a real rapper when Yuji and Todo waltzes, they big asses up to us.

" Hye ladies- I mean young pretties!" Yuji starts, to be honest he walked up like Chris Brown did that girl in the Fine China music video all smooth and stuff, me and Liyah side-eye him and we say our little " Hii!"s Yuji starts talking about how it's a new cafe opening up downtown and he and Todo wanted to invite us! I turned to Todo to speak to him but, he avoids my eyes! Like I'm Ms. Netta in the face and I'm like ' Don't make me cry rn why tf you are looking at me like my lace liftin!?' (But you don't have a- chile..) I looked and Todo, his tan a little darker around the cheeks and I ask what wrong.

" N-nothing! Just a little hot today! Afterall, I just whopped Yuji's ass in battle so i am a little sweaty" Yuji then cuts his eyes to Todo and gives him a stank face.

" Todo..I flipped you 12 time-"

" That don't matter brother" Todo cuts him off with a smirk.

Me and Liyah laughed at that and agreed, Yuji told us be ready by 5pm and we say our goodbyes and I headed to my dorm. I opened the door and let out the biggest giggle of my life! I'm going on a date with my man that's not my man, but ya know..we basically dating! I opened my closet to pick an outfit, not thotty but shows some skin, not too modest thought because it too hot to be a nun, and not too casual because we never gave basic; I just picked some blue and white dunks, light blue flare jeans, and a cute top and I touch up my hair and face ( Face card neva declined) and I called Liyah while doing my hair to see is she ready.

" Hey boo! You ready or almost ready?"

" Heyyyyy! About that.. I cant go"

... and I remember thinking.. I'm about to beat this bitch up.

" What you mean ' YoU CaN't Go' I mock, getting anxious and a bit pissed off.

" I'm Sorry! My job said for an extra $50 I can come in really quick for today! But don't worry Yuji told me Todo is still going an-"

" Wait YUJI NOT COMING!?" I almost yelled, I mean if the world wanna crash down on me it can! But GOD WHYYYY??

Liyah explained Yuji had a mission a bit far and he went but, Todo was going because it close to his gym. I just roll my eyes at the phone and just says ok and hangs ups, I finish up my hair and face and I grab my purse and keys when I open my door and Todo is mid pause of knocking on my door.

" Oh! Hi, why are yo-"

" Hello lovely reader!"

" Hi Todo, are you here to pic-"

" Ive come to pick up up for our outing this evening!" ...Well no shit I couldn't have guessed. I turned to lock my door and we are off to the cafe, as we're walking Todo seems quiet...for the first time he's not yelling or anythuing but he's calm almost nervous.

" Everything alright Todo?" I asked looking up at his stature.

" yes..eveything fine reader, just a bit off ease" Todo says stone faced or regular I don't know really but, I ask what wrong and he gets into how he feels like I don't like him like I like Yuji... this man must be dumber than a box of nails because I can't!

" That's not true Todo, I like you just as much as I like yu-"

" But its not what I want." He stops, I turn to look at him confused.

" I want you to LIKE me, not friend like, not family like but, LIKE me how I like Takada Chan, LIKE me how I like you"

I fucking knew it.

I get bitches and niggas, I'm that girl fr, I'm practically like Lori Harvey; Todo just confessed to me and all im doing is smiling like got $5 from my auntie randomly. I giggled though and Todo looks up at him and kind of frowns.

" I know you may not return my feelings but laughing i-"

" OMG SHUT UP BRO" I yelled and somewhat laughed, Todo confused just plainly stares at me.

" I've liked you since liem forever, when you told me how your favorite singer girl impacts you ti was soo cute! Like you really are kind, goofy, maybe a bit idoitic but it ok! Becasue it makes you well you!" I go on and on with my feelings and when im done odo is just crying

" Oh! Todo i dint mean to-"

" THATS THE KINDEST THING SOMEONE HAS EVER SAID TO ME!" Todo says well sobs, He hugs me tightly and goes on about his crush and I'm just patting his back awkwardly (I'll bite him tbh)

Todo lets go and wipes his face and smiles at me a bit, I return it and I grab his hand and I hold it tightly. The warmth of his hands cools down my cold hands, the world seems to slow just a bit, and everything seems more peaceful.

We interlock hands and Todo smiles, and we walk onwards happily...until Todo trips on a rock and busted his ass.

" OH- Omg..OMG! Are you ok!?"

Todo just lays there and says nothing...for a while, I look around and I just drag his body to a bench. He's big and hungry because aint no way your 17 and you weight 55,000 pounds you big and freaky man! I fan and him and clean him up with a spare napkin and he groans to consciences.

" You ok?"

" Yes...where is Takada Chan?"

...Don't tell me he thought I was Takada bro...he so dumb.

Omg y'all this was like a spontaneous thing! And it soooo long like I'm really Shakespeare fr if you think about it. But yea this my first lil story or whatever tell me if like it or if it needs some work because I lowkey wanna expand on my headcanons about this FINE ASS MAN! 😍😍

#todo aoi #aoi todo x reader #todo aoi x reader #jjk #black reader #jujutsu kaisen #x black reader

[f444keitflowers]

Yellowjackets characters as Boygenius songs !!

Taissa Turner - Souviner

Always managed to move in / right next to the cemeteries / and never far from hospitals / I don't know what that tells you about me / pulling thorns out of my palm / working midnight surgery / when I cut a hole into my skull / do you hate what you see? / like I do.

Vanessa Plamer - Emily i’m sorry

Headed straight for the concrete / in a nightmare / screaming / now i’m wide awake /spiralling / and you dont wanna talk / just take me back to montreal / i’ll get a real job / you’ll go back to school / we can burn out / in the freezing cold / and just get lost / Emily i’m sorry baby / you know how I get / when i’m wrong / and I can feel myself becoming somebody i’m not / I’m not sorry

Jackie taylor - Cool about it

I came prepared for absolution / if you’d only ask / so I take some offense when you say “no regrets” / […] / once I took your medication / to know what it’s like / and now I have to act like/ I cant read your mind / I ask you how you’re doing / and I let you lie / but we dont have to talk about it / I can walk you home / and practice method acting / i’ll pretend being with you doesn’t feel like drowning / telling you it’s nice to see / how good you’re doing / even though we know / it isn’t true.

Shauna Shipman - Letter to an old poet

I said "I think that you're special" / you told me once that I'm selfish / and I kissed you hard / in the dark / in the closet / […] / you don't know me / I wanna be happy / I'm ready / to walk into my room / without looking for you / I'll go up to the top of our building / and remember my dog / when I see the full moon / I can't feel it yet / but I am waiting

Lottie Matthews - Not strong enough

Always an angel / never a god / always an angel / never a god / I don't know why I am / the way I am / There's something in the static / I think I've been having / revelations / Coming to / in the front seat / nearly empty / Skip the exit / to our old street and go home / Go home alone

Laura Lee - Without you without them

give me everything you’ve got / i’ll take what I can get / I want to hear your story / and be a part of it / thank your father before you / his mother before him / who would I be without you without them? / speak to me / until your histories / no mystery to me.

Natalie Scatorccio - Revolution 0

If it isn't love / then what the fuck is it? / I guess just let me pretend / I don't want to die / That's a lie / But I'm afraid to get sick / I don't know what that is / You wanted a song / So it's gonna be a short one / Wish I wasn't so tired / But I'm tired / If you're not enough / Then I give up/ and then nothing is / I used to think if I just closed my eyes / I would disappear.

Misty Quigley - Stay Down

I wasn’t a fighter til somebody told me i’d better learn / to lean into the punch / so it don’t hurt as bad / when they leave / there you were / turning my cheek / i look at you / and you look at a screen / i’m in the backseat of my body / i’m just steering my life / in a video game / similar accent / a different name / it’s a slow down / so would you teach me im the villain / aren’t I / aren’t I the one / constantly repenting for a difficult mind

#yellowjackets moodboard #moodboard #yellowjackets #jackie taylor #shauna shipman #lesbian jackie taylor #yellowjackets ship #yellowjackets jackie #taissa yellowjackets #taissa turner #taivan #van palmer #van yellowjackets #laura lee #misty quigley #misty yellowjackets #boygenuis #songs as characters #yj #natalie scatorccio #lottie mathews #yellowjackets nat #nat yellowjackets #shauna yellowjackets #vanessa palmer #laura lee yellowjackets #yellowjackets laura lee #jackie yellowjackets #lottie yellowjackets #yellowjackets moodboards

[sad-leon]

Hello! I hope you're having a good day!

So many people in my life seem to be going through something right now, and I just wanted to give you an opportunity to share anything you might be going through. Good or bad, as specific or as vague as you're comfortable with. Or feel free to ignore if you'd rather not. No pressure at all!

I hope things are going well for you! But if not, I'll be sending prayers your way if you're comfortable with that!

I am... not.

and i haven't for a long time

I'll preface this entire post with a warning: THIS IS A VENT POST the only tags will be trigger warnings

I thinks i've said it once or twice, but I started school this year. This is my first year in college after taking a gap year and also telling everyon i wasnt gonna go. I know jack shit about what im doing and its fucking exhausting. Theres so many things that i feel like I should know but dont because all the college information given out in my highschool was geared toward the college in that town specifically, which is not the college im going to.

I've also moved. im entirely on my own, physically and financially. I just met with my job and am starting very soon which is not good because my sleep schedule is all wrong. I may be switching jobs soon, but i can't just quit becuase, like i said, im on my own.

and those are only the big two. lets speedrun this. my anxiety, my autism, i need new glasses, my feet hurt more than i think they should, im a system, my eating disorder, my aversions that make it hard to drink the water up here, the burnout, the exhaustion, executive dysfunction, i also likely have adhd which mean rsd. im touch starved and touch adverse

those are just what i can think of off the top of my head

but all of this had been leading to what might be a pretty nasty breakdown and soon.

im so fucking tired all the time and that makes it hard to draw, but thats one of my only ways to relax. i like playing mc, but i get bored easily and also i cant sit at my desk for long becuase it feels like my head is too heavy for my neck. it hurts. everything hurts and my job doesnt help me at fucking all.

i was able to draw tsob while dealing with most of my issues becuase all i had to worry about was work. looking at my current schedule, i can find the free time. the issue is using that freetime to draw and not just sleep or dissociate. finding home is very dear to me, but drawing it the way i am can be exhausting and i dont want to start hating it, so i just.. dont draw it most days

i stress constantly about how i appear on my blog becuase i want so badly to do this right. i want to be good at something, like, as a person, not just as an artist. but i hate myself too much to believe in any progress i make.

i know its the rsd mostly but i see groups and i feel gross. its not as bed now (any of you beans that have made it this far, ily /p) becuase i found a community i can actually interact with, but it still comes up, especially because i've moved away from all my irl friends and its so fucking hard for me to make them in the first place. like.. actual friends, not just people i can work with at school

if i keep going i'll probably talk myself in circles, so ill stop it here. theres a lot more but im not going to ramble about my suicidal, intrusive, or sh thoughts on this blog. this is a post to inform you guys of the state of mind im in. im lonely and sad and its all building up to a massive breakdown.

im not going to be leaving tumblr or giving up on my comic, but i probalby wont update as often as i did tsob. i just dont have the energy.

i also will probably post some of my traditional art cuz i gotta fill up a sketchbook for my animation class, so that also takes away from the time i use to draw digitally.

im so tired

#vent post #tw vent #long post #tw exhaustion #tw burnout

[seongminiz]

camboy!taeyoung thoughts !!

minors dni ; camboy roommate!taeyoung x afab!reader ; word count: ~770

warnings : not very detailed smut ; masturbation ; dont know how but this mighttt count as dubcon since both taeyoung n reader r doing everything behind each others back ? ; kind of exhibitionism idk ; i overuse the („• ᴗ •„) emoticon bc im insane

based on that one taeyoung video , might be- no its definitely all over the place , not proof read , was supposed to post this last night but i fell asleep , pls guys dont make fun of me idk how long i can still pull the autistic aroace lesbian card to defend myself from the shitty writer allegations , im very sleepy rn :3 , might post a part 2 if anyone is interested bc im not done with the thoughts („• ᴗ •„)

camboy taeyo- GETS RAN OVER BY A TRAIN

my god my god my god

he'd sometimes use fleshlights n stuff like that but nothinggg would beat when hes fucking his hand n cums all over his toned abs („• ᴗ •„) n he'd tease his audience sooo much ! being all cocky n mostly in a dom mood ,, but the most fun streams of his r the ones where hes more subby :( begging n whining n trying sooo hard not to come too early bc being this vulnerable in front of an audience makes him more sensitive n turned on •v• camboy tyoungie i fucking love u thats it

and and and and

roommate!taeyoung who also works as a camboy to have some extra money to spend on himself . u dont know abt it , u just assume hes rlly loud n horny all the time - which, hey, u cant rlly blame him for it - but u do question if hes that loud bc he wants u to hear him ,, if only u knew how ur guess isn't that far fetched , taeyoung having to keep himself from moaning ur name everytime he streams, touching himself to the thought of u - on top of him or under him , anywhere , he doesn't care , just thinking abt u is enough . and if only he knew how u took an habit of touching urself at the same time, ur bed being conveniently against the wall confining with his room .. u dont even worry abt taeyoung hearing u , you pride yourself in being on the quieter side - you really aren't and taeyoung anxiously checks if his mic is picking up on ur sounds every single time he hears u . until one eventful day - while taeyoung is out at the gym or something - u realize oh shit , u r unbelievably horny n ur personal jerk off material isn't home ,, u r so desperate , nothing you find on twitter or even those shitty porn sites seems to do the job , it's almost like you've conditioned yourself to only feel good bc of taeyoung </3 at some point , doom scrolling ur twitter tl u come across an account u follow promoting their ,, streaming channel on some obscure website that sounds like a scam . no its definitely a scam . you've never had that much of an interest in this kind of content , but you figure at this point u could try anything to get rid of how unbearably horny u r . again, nothing of what you're seeing piques your interest, until u see the thumbnail of a specific vod from a few days prior. despite being darker, you can still realize the room looks eerily similar to yours - to taeyoung's. u shake ur head, giving yourself a few slaps for good measure and whispering to yourself to 'fucking snap out of it', there's no way you're so down bad for ur roommate u r starting to imagine him as one of these camboys. no way. but u still cant fight the urge to click on the video, maybe the resemblance to taeyoung is what can get u to finally feel good . you hurriedly put your oh so beloved noise canceling headphones on and turn the volume up. that's when your heart sinks and u freeze, hand stopping halfway inside your shorts bc holy shit that sounds a little too much like taeyoung, n u r now a hundred percent sure u saw those same bedsheets in his room four days ago - coincidentally the same day this was streamed, and yes thats his shirt, the one that always drives u insane bc he looks a little too good in it .... before u know it , you're on ur third vod of his , basically binge watching all of his past streams and on the verge of tears with how much you've been overstimulating yourself . you're so lost in it u dont realize taeyoung has come back home around the midst of 2nd video or so , and knows exactly what ur up to when he hears u moaning his name . poor boy is fighting the urge to just burst into your room , telling himself it wouldn't be morally right to do so - as if jerking off to the thought of his roommate while streaming or standing right by their door as he starts to slowly palm himself over his pants while listening to you getting off is any more decent ,,

this might stay ur little secret , both too shy to confront each other abt it ,, or maybe taeyoung will just have to wait for a repeat of that day to catch you red handed and finally get what he's been craving for weeks („• ᴗ •„)

#🍰 seongminiz ! #🧇 crvt ! #cravity hard hours #cravity smut #taeyoung smut #btw op on twitter deleted the video i feel miserable #(i literally downloaded it on my phone)

[mouthpoisons]

tl;dr my council house that i was given so i can escape my abusive father is currently unlivable and i cant afford to make it livable because im disabled and cant work. my symptoms are also worsening and i cant afford the leg braces i need

for disability pride month it would be nice if people could swing me some money so i can put flooring in my livingroom and hallway, and buy an oven and furniture. i was given a council house in may in order to escape my abusive father, but i havent been able to actually move in yet because it came completely bare, with only old dirty concrete floors in all of the rooms except the bathroom and kitchen, and no kitchen appliances.

i only get between £600 and £700 a month in disability benefits, and the government is supposed to be helping me pay rent (£400pcm) but whenever i try and enquire about the housing benefits im entitled to i get ignored lmao. council tax also wont give me a deduction on the £1300 bill they gave me until im physically living in my house, which for aforementioned reasons i cant do yet.

i cant work due to my disabilities, and between me and my mum who has a below min wage custodial job its been very hard for us to afford to make the place habitable. since i was given the house in may we've only been able to put floor in one room, and buy a bed/mattress, wachine machine, and fridge. i dont have any of my own furniture to take with me for reasons that are too long to go into here, but im starting completely from scratch.

on top of this my health is getting worse all the time and im not recieving any help. after bothering doctors for years and years about my worsening symptoms (and getting the ''its cus youre fat'' excuse several times), last year i finally managed to convince GPs to let me get an xray/blood test done. they now believe i have rheumatoid arthritis. im waiting on an ''urgent'' specialist referral that was first made in march and ive had to chase up 3 times. ive also discussed EDS with a GP who believes its a possibility

the process of just getting my symptoms recognised as a problem has taken at least 5 years, and im like. actively deteriorating while im waiting for these people to sort themselves out. ive gone from not needing to use a cane, to using one part time, to my cane not cutting it anymore, in just 3 years. i need to get hip/knee/ankle braces and specialist insoles and potentially upgrade to a different mobility aid. in addition to the arthritis inflammation i have in every joint in my legs according to my xray, i also have hypermobile knees, and very painful flat feet and plantar fasciitis. its so fucked over here and its getting worse while i wait for doctors to to actually follow up on the ''urgent'' care they think i need and i cant afford to help myself in the meantime. its scary and im sick of it and so so tired

if youd like to dono, my cashapp is £flintjupiter and my paypal is @/flintjupiter

if youd like to buy something, i have a merch shop which is closing down because 1. im too ill to run it anymore and 2. i cant afford to run it anymore, everything is heavily discounted

im also selling some of my old collector items on ebay, more listings will be posted soon while i unpack things from storage

cheers

#post #disability pride month

[imagintheworldaway]

Florida

A/N idk with this one, i just could't stop myself.

Warnings: Drugs, memory loss

Requests: Open

Life hasn't been easy. We both got dealt shitty hands, abusive childhoods, absent parents, people only ever caring when the fame and money followed. But that wasn’t for years. We were both broke kids trying to figure it out, only having each other as a comfort blanket. It's so shitty to think about, we were both just kids, two kids who were never given a real chance. That's where it started. At Least that's my theory. What do you expect, kids learn from the adults that raise them, and when the adults are shitty there is no question that the kid will more than likely also turn out to be shitty. Deep down, somewhere in my soul, I knew I had good in me, but what's the point of being good and decent and nice when the world and everyone in it had only thrown it all back in your face? 

I don't really remember the first time I met Frank. I remember we were kids, well teenagers, we ran in similar crowds, and he always had this smile, this cheeky smile which you just couldn’t say no to. And those eyes. Those emerald green eyes, the way the sunset shone in them when we were lying on top of a building, no cares, no one to answer to, just ourselves. Maybe the silence in knowing that we were both doomed was what comforted me. Maybe it was the fact he was tall and handsome, or maybe because he could do things to me that made my knees weak and screams echo through the city. 

When he suggested, well when he told me he was moving to LA there was no doubt I would follow him. There was nothing holding me down, so why not follow a boy to LA and see how it goes. I think that's when everything truly clicked for the first time. Being homeless, couch surfing, working dodgy jobs just to buy liquor and cigarettes was how we got by. That sunset, nothing really beat the LA sunset, the warm hues and bright rays that glistened in his eyes, illuminating his face reassured me that this was all worth it. 

But LA changed us. Like it does everyone else who gets sucked into the black pit which is the city. As we grew we were able to scrape together some pennies for an apartment. That's when the bug changed. My Frankie was now the sexy Nikki Sixx and I gained the nickname of Florida, or Flo. why? Well I was still as carefree as when I had arrived here. I didn't care where, when or what we did, and everyone we met said I was like a ray of sunshine, meaning I was like Florida. I was also majorly sedated most of the time which only added to the birth of the nickname. Nikki said he always saw Florida as the much more chiller younger cousin to LA, he always wanted to go to Florida, maybe it was the child in him that missed out on such a core memory that so many other kids got to have. So I became his Florida.

We had our own funny little rituals to get by. I would pray for snow and Nikki would produce the white powder that sent shivers down my spine but always brought me a great warmth. Our house was an apartment but our home was on the borderline. We would work these stupid jobs, meet our dealer, then climb on the roof. Heads frazzled in white powder but the same comforting silence that we had as tennagers still there, reassuring us that this was right. 

Sometimes Nikki would hold me so close I could swear that I could hear his thoughts. His hand was always squeezing mine, comforting me, knowing we were at the same place. But bliss cant last forever. 

I was happy that Nikki was finally in a band that made sense. Tommy was such a goofball and always knew the right thing to say, Mick was quiet, but we had a silent understanding, we looked after each other and then there was Vince, he was gorgeous, and always knew how to make my heart flutter and my cheeks red. They would practise and write songs as I would cut the lines. I never got involved with their business and they left me to mine. It was good. So fucking good. Until it wasn’t. 

The more popular the boys got the more money i got a hold of and the more lines, spliffs, pills, tabs and alcohol i consumed. I became the girl always at the show, dancing along on the side, supporting her boys. The music used to create colours, streams of vibrant vibrations would cloud my vision as I swayed and moved to the beat. I couldn’t care about the other girls. Why would i? He always came back to me, no matter what. I was the one in the pictures who he had his arm around, i was the one he brought to the parties, i was the only who kept his supply safe. 

It never stopped. I was the new guy everyone went to. You wanted something, you went and talked to Flo to get it. It was like my own dirty little secret that few people were in on. It was never my intent but it was easy. I kept the gear, he kept me satisfied. What I once thought was love I think was deeper. Nikki and I were the same person, and people knew that, you can't find Nikki? He's with Flo. Need some gear? Florida will be in Nikkis' room. A package deal, two of a kind, dare I say soulmates. 

All good things must come to an end. That's what our first dealer had said to us. How did he know that all the way back then? I don't know, I don't care to know. He always did warn us though. He always said how I was stupid for following a boy because I was in love. Love was only an emotion, so why did I care so much about a silly little feeling? Maybe because, as fucked up as whatever this thing we had was, it was the only form of love either of us had ever felt. 

I was a good girl. The perfect girlfriend, anything he could ever want, but i wasn't enough, i would never be enough. Florida was pretty, Florida was fun, but Florida wasn’t without its demons, it's blotches on its happy go lucky outlook on life, I truly was becoming the worst parts of it all. I took a second to think. When was the last time someone had called me by my real name? What even was my real name?  ‘Hold out your hand’ someone said, easily distracting me from my thoughts. Who was that? I was alone, wasn't i? Maybe not. I felt a light pressure on the back of my head, forcing it down. So that my nose met the white powder that had been lazily sprawled across the side of my hand. I took in the sensation of the powder I had felt so many times before. Don't forget to smile Florida, this is as good as it gets. 

#nikki sixx x you #nikki sixx x reader #nikki sixx imagine #nikki sixx #motley crue

[royalwilmon]

Get to Know Me Tag :)

thank you so so much for tagging me @skibasyndrome <3333333

do you make your bed?

almost never. like, when i wash my sheets, and then never again. cant be bothered!!!

what's your favourite number?

i dont really have one but ive been saying 36 for yearssss. from the glee days. iykyk

what is your job?

im a software tester!!

if you could go back to school, would you?

you couldn't pay me to

can you parallel park?

i mean. technically. i avoid it at all costs and if there is someone behind me witnessing me parallel park i will Fully Panic. but i can do it. mostly.

a job you had that would surprise people?

i worked at dunkin' donuts for three years. which isn't surprising, i live in new england. what does surprise people is when i talk about how much i genuinely loved that job and miss it Every Day

do you think aliens are real?

i guess i definitely think there are other life forms out there. hard to say what they'd be like, though

can you drive a manual car?

nah, i've never tried. don't have much of a reason to!

what's your guilty pleasure?

lmaooooo gut instinct is to say jimmy buffett. my spotify wrapped this year is going to be WILD

tattoos?

not yet! once i find an artist i trust, I'm going to get the comet chandelier

favorite color?

blue! i describe the shade as the darkest shade of blue the sky gets

favorite type of music?

my taste of music is absolutely all over the place, this is nearly an impossible question for me to answer. i have a lot of specific pockets of interest. i love anything that came out of laurel canyon -- really, a lot of 70s music i picked up from my dad. obviously i fuck with showtunes big time. and then lately i have a handful of artists im obsessed with that float somewhere in the indie/pop/jazz/folk world. like, so vague, i just cant say any sorta word that would sum it up. oh, also, omar?? seriously, i'm all over the place

do you like puzzles?

yeah! my sister loves them more than i do so i mostly only do them when I'm hanging out with her

any phobias?

birds!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate them!!!!!!!! im so afraid!!!!!!!!!!! so so so scared!!!!!

favorite childhood sport?

i played softball and basketball as a kid, but like. ehhhhhhhh.

do you talk to yourself?

oh, always. look, i work from home most of the time, and my roommates have very different schedules from mine so im home alone a LOT. i like to keep myself company. i am alwayssss chattering to myself. 100% of the time, just nonsense babble

what movies do you adore?

ohhhhh tricky question. i'll pretend im doing one of those letterboxd interviews and I'll give you my top four. fried green tomatoes (1991), camelot (1967), dirty dancing (1987), and everything everywhere all at once (2022)

coffee or tea?

coffee! like i said, i worked at dunks for three years. I'm one of those maniacs that drinks black coffee. i wish i liked tea, i really do, i just. dont

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

HAHA i don't know if it was the first but the story my mom always tells is how i wanted to be a cake decorator at Walmart. specifically walmart. she would encourage me to aim higher, like. 'why don't you be a cake decorator at the white house or something', but no. walmart. i was probably, like. five.

Onward tagging: idk!!!!!!!! im always late to these!!!!!! @goldenwilmon if you haven't done it yet??

#tag game

[bunnyb34r]

I think the universe WANTS me to have a breakdown at work honestly

Did the other side of the table's clearance, which was somehow worse?? I think this side had more items honestly. So I moved aaaaall the old Sharter's (even the pjs that the girls say are $8 and boys $6 but I leave the $8 sign up bc I dont want to hear front end whining ab customers asking which one was on sale/why isnt the girls one on sale. The boys will still ring up as $6, itll just be a suprise :) ). Essentially swapped them and the licensed shit but it wasnt a one to one swap bc ofc no one recovered for me overnight so it was pure hell. Someday I'll have to swap the carters onesies and the licensed pjs that are now on the "wrong" side of the table (ideally the baby stuff would be one side and big kids the other but fuck you that's why) put out 4 new items, thankfully they FINALLY got smart and got rid of the stupid way they used to do these boys shirts (cardboard hanger pinned to a cardboard bar) and they're packaged like NORMAL multi pack shirts 😩🙏

Then I was like phew everything is out of the steel except the endcap which I'll do tomorrow... what the fuck is that

Homicidal ForkliftDriver asked me if I wanted these new multi pack leggings. At 7:55am. (: no.

Like son of a BITCH. That means I have ANOTHER fucking item to find room for (on top of the old tshirts I forgot ab when I was moving shit and didnt leave room for so I threw them in a box sgdgdgdgdggdgd) and with my luck like 6 new items bc we were so fucking behind and now everything is coming in at once! AUGH

And ofc the girl who usually recovers my area is either on vacation, quit, or just got equally overwhelmed with my area and bailed like everyone else, bc it was a goddamn mess. I haven't been able to stock the NikeShitë area in daaays let alone recover it and no one else will even try 😭 and it's getting worse by the day and I'm so overwhelmed like I want to cry

I know I'm the one putting this pressure on myself but I take pride in my job and it looks like I cant do my job and not that I need help bc I only work 20hrs a week and I'm the only one doing this area and that I'm getting overwhelmed with pallets and clearance but god I feel like pingu :( *sad noot noots*

#marquilla #it's like i know i can just leave the new shit in the steel until im caught up but i know that i cant bc if i do that then for sure the next #day ill get more in and then ill feel like i wasted my time by not taking care of it first and AUGH #when i do my new endcap ill need to find space for two shitty stacking items and i know the Chamagedon shit is coming down the pike soon bc #thats the alternate endcap and im like ohhh im gonna die die... #it's giving me suicidal ideation #and theres inventory in April and im on vacation the last week of march and idk WHEN we're going to do inventory and im like well i cant #cancel my time off bc i need it for more reasons than one but like i cant trust anyone to actually do my job for me and it's like just so #overwhelming to think ab and taking it day by day isnt helping when im fighting to get to the end of the day every day yknow???? #work talk

[moldy-avocado]

⚠️TW: VENT POST⚠️

im back to that point in my ed i promised id never let myself go again. the point where you know that if you dont do anything youll be dead in a year tops. but everything is so fucked up rn and this is how i cope. i cant lose it, yk? but on the other hand i got to experience what it was like to be a real person for the first time. and i dont know if i can lose that either.

i told my psychiatrist, im not currently at risk. so basically if she thinks its getting bad she can just admit me. i feel bad for using it as a safety net tho. if i have someone whos job is literally to keep me alive, i can get as bad as i want as fast as i want. and if she slips up? oh well, guess ill die. but she wont. shes been doing this for longer than ive been alive. she only works with tRoUbLeD yOuTh so she prolly knows exactly what my thought pattern is. or ive watched to the bone too many times and im expecting my shrink to do wtv the fuck dr keanu reeves was doing.

idk. ill make it. if not for myself, then for a shitty apartment that reeks of depression, student loan debt, and microwave dinners.

#dni #everyone dni #gir vents #gir needs help #ftm 4na #trans ana #4n0r3x14 #ed ftm #male 4na #trans ed #male ed #malespii #rexiia #4na diary #tw medical #tw psych ward

[presidentalpaca]

lowkey i cant believe ive gotten this job. like i just want to list everything out real quick. i have so much respect for service workers cause its fucking hard. and im just rlly grateful to get a break

getting fully licensed as a broker. studying is on the clock. tests are paid for. its assumed that i have jack shit financial knowledge and they take time to make sure everyone gets it

class discussions, independent study time, kahoots, quizzes, practice tests

if you study at home you gotta let them know so you get paid for overtime

learning financial literacy! aside from brokerage, theres insurance, IRAs, etc. ill finally know what that all means but i dont have to look it up on my own?? sick as hell

full benefits

classes and workshops not just on finance but also self care and health

everyone is so nice

despite it being finance, it seems like the most lesser evil i couldve found??? there are just a lot of green flags here. still critical of the system and all its parts ofc, but so are many people here

you dont gotta work to figure out how to get a promotion. and promotions are more abt what u wanna learn how to do rather than what you know from the get go

8 hrs a year PTO to volunteer in the community

so many gay people here. a lgbt+ organization and little flags at every couple desks

CONSISTENT SCHEDULING. bitch i need to know what ill be doing at work 3+ months in advance if im gonna get back into theatre.

also the routine of it all helps me take care of my body (sleep, meals, exercise, same shit every day, dont gotta replan and debate options)

bonuses throughout the year

two paid 15-min breaks on top of the 30-min lunch break, and u can take occasional 5-min breaks to go to the bathroom or get a coffee w/o permission

im not on my feet on concrete all day greeting every customer and never getting more than an "im just looking" and watching diligently for shoplifters. im not exhausted and in pain

at this point i dont have to sell anything!! or call anyone! i just help people who call us. thats so nice

desks that move up and down to be standing or sitting

working and growing w a team instead of figuring everything out all by myself

ive always wanted to move to chicago or atlanta to pursue film/tv but now it seems doable!! give it a little time and save money up and ill be able to move to the branch there and try to get a second job or just work on independent projects

and finally.... drumroll......

there's a free-to-use flavored seltzer machine

#not saying where bc i wanna keep being a goofball online w/o it affecting my professional life #babbles