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#any group shot they have with sth will always be funny to me
theredengineapologist · 4 months
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Sometimes a family can be just a dad and his seven giant steam locomotive children.
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Bonus James-centric screenshots because I have a favorite child (clearly):
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himbowelsh · 6 years
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I know it's not Halloween anymore but can I have sth kinda spooky with Webgott as two ghost stuck in same building? You know they both died there but at different time, so they didn't know each other before they became ghosts. Maybe it's kinda ones fault that the other is dead and stuck in this place? It's a lot of bitching and trying to get on the others nerves. And maybe other guys are there to check out this haunted house but instead of scary brooding ghosts hey find two arguing twats.
Addition to ghost Webgott. I just can’t get that image of my head. Luz sets up his heavy machinery to hear any potential ghost talking and first thing they all hear is “God, Joe, you’re such a dick!” and Liebgott repeating with all the grace of five year old in slightly girlish voice “God, Joe, you’re such a dick!”. + Web is the kind of ghost who summons all his celestial energy just to turn TV on and watch shark documentaries and Lieb for some reason sits with him every time.
The camera flickers on to catch a close-up of furrowed brows and a set of focused brown eyes.
After a second, the frustration clears from the man’s face. He leans back just enough to adjust it, flashing a wide grin, before stepping away from the camera.
“Okay,” he announces, taking a step away from the camera stand. “We’re set! Who’s ready to roll, huh?”
“Nice goin’, Luz, you just have ‘em a huge shot of your face,” a gravelly voice offscreen chides. Luz looks past the camera, cheshire grin widening.
“They oughta be grateful. C’mon Joe, get over here, let them see you too. We gotta show who’s in charge of this whole thing. For when we get famous later.”
Reluctantly, another man steps into the frame. He looks awkward as awkward in front of the camera as Joe does comfortable, even as Luz tugs him down to crouch next to him.
Luz turns to him, officious and commanding, as he adjusts a pair of invisible spectacles. “Mr. Toye,” he says, in a spot-on impersonation of that one guy from 60 Minutes, “how does it feel to be the first person to get definitive scientific evidence that ghosts exist?”
“It feels like I’m in an old crackhouse at midnight being interrogated by a crazy person,” Toye replies flatly, casting a sideways glance at the camera lens. When Luz flares up in indignation, he is ignored.
“Okay, this wasn’t a crackhouse. This was a boarding house, you know? Where people used to live back in olden times.”
“Then it was abandoned. Then it turned into a crackhouse.” Toye’s gaze bores into the camera; it's like he’s trying to make it more uncomfortable than its making him.
Luz rolls his eyes. “The point is that it’s not a crackhouse now. This place has been abandoned for years.”
Toye is determined not to lose his impromptu staring contest. “Sure. When can we be done here?”
“Oh, we’re just getting started,” Luz extols. “We’re here all night. As soon as those two get done setting up the sound equipment —“ He pauses. His gaze wanders past the camera again, brow furrowing. “Where the hell are Bill and Babe with the sound equipment?”
“Oh my god,” says Toye, and smacks his hand against his face as he slumps over.
In another part of the house, a high-tech voice recorder is finally activated, after fifteen minutes of tinkering, puzzling, thumping, and “how the hell does this thing work”s to kill a man from boredom.
“Hey, here it is!” exclaims a supremely thrilled voice, too close to the speaker — his voice is a static scream. “I got it, the little bastard!”
“Move away from the thing,” another voice demands. “What the hell are you tryin’ to do, kiss it? Whisper sweet nothings? Get back, genius.”
“Watch it!” exclaims the first voice. Then, after a few seconds: “How’s your stuff coming? Pick anything up?”
“No, I haven't picked anything up, because I’ve barely got the thing turned on yet. What, d’you think all this ghost shit’s just gonna happen at once?”
“Well. I was hoping.”
“Sure you were,” Bill huffs. “I know this is your first hunt, Babe, so get used to waiting. It gets a lot more boring than this.”
“My brain’s gonna melt out of my skull.” Babe pauses, considering. “Hey, Bill, you think people would find that spooky?”
“Jesus,” mutters Bill. If he was hoping Babe was done, though, he’s out of luck.
“I mean, the deaths before were pretty weird too, right? The ones George told us about. This place was a boarding house from the 1930s to 60s, and then sometime in the 60s that author guy — Werner?”
“Webster,” contributes Bill absently.
“Right, Webster died. He drowned in his bathtub, right? Only they don’t know how it happened because he was supposed to be a really strong swimmer. Plus it was a bathtub. I mean, that’s weird.“
“The guy was having a rough night, had a bit too much to drink, fell asleep in the water. It ain’t much of a mystery, Babe.”
“Okay, sure. Even though people kept saying someone killed him — I’m just saying, that’s creepy! And then in the 90s, the other kid —“
“The drug addict. Come on, that’s not weird.”
“They found him with half his blood painting the room, Bill! And the news article said he drowned! How the hell do you drown on dry land? That’s freaky as anything!”
“No, it’s not. The guy got in a fight, because this used to be a crackhouse, and fights happen in places like that. The article says he was stabbed. He probably... bled out, drowned in his own blood or something.”
“Doesn’t say that. Just says drowned. If it were blood, it would say blood.”
“So who the hell cares how he died? Point is, he’s dead now. And after he showed up dead, the cops cleaned this house up, so there’s no more drugs here now. We’re as safe as we can get.”
“Yeah, ‘cept for the ghosts.”
“For the last time, Babe, there are no fuckin’ —“
It’s funny to see how the duo jumps when one of the ancient books suddenly topples from the bookshelf onto the floor. Joe has to hold back a snort at the sight of them.  The redhead almost leaps out of his skin, while the stockier man with the iron-cut jaw has assumed a position like a threatened hedgehog. His eyes are wide, his fists are in the air, and he’s in full fight-or-fight mode.
It’s hilarious.
This group is hardly the first so-called “ghost hunters” who have come to observe the house, but Joe gets the feeling they’ll be the most fun to mess with. From the two in the other room, who are too busy pretending they’re making a damn documentary, to these guys, who can hardly get the equipment working… screwing with them will be like taking candy from a baby.
“Will you quit that?”
Joe tenses up. Like terrorizing small children, however, there’s always going to be someone around who ruins your fun.
When he turns, he finds Webster leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. He’s got that sour look on his face again, like he’s sucking on a lemon. “It’s immature.”
Believing in ghosts is immature, in Joe’s (totally non-ghostly) opinion. As far as he’s concerned, these four dumbasses have got it coming.
He could say this to Web, but by now he’s learned there’s no point. Webster makes a point of discarding his opinions at every opportunity. Joe can’t reason with the guy. He can’t make him see logic when he’s already devoted to his opinion. No, there’s only one surefire way to get through to Webster, and that’s to pick a fight with him. Joe’s had enough arguments to last an eternity — which is, coincidentally, as long as he has to spend in this house.
With Webster.
Webster, who haunted this house long before Joe decided to die there. Webster, who was the last thing Joe saw, like an angel appearing in the midst of a fever dream, before he started choking on liquid that should not have been in his lungs. Webster, who Joe’s still not certain didn’t kill him. Webster, the most pretentious ghost on the damn planet.
Fate can be a bitch sometimes.
So instead of saying anything reasonable to Web, he just looks over his shoulder and sneers. “Why d’you care what I do? Butt out, author boy. Go back to your room.”
“My room has got two more ‘investigators’ in it.” Web sounds phenomenally put out. Joe can’t find it in himself to be sympathetic.
“Boo-fuckin’ hoo. Go scare ‘em off.”
“Wow, great idea.” Webster sounds dismissive, but Joe knows the truth. He doesn’t want to exert the energy that manifesting will actually take. It will leave him exhausted for days, and Web just hates it when his “aura is drained”. In Joe’s opinion, he’s a lazy ass.
“Do you want me to do it? I will. I’ll write in blood on the walls. I’ll bang on windows, I’ll throw their fancy thousand dollar equipment around. I’ll whisper naughty words in their little machines.” Joe can’t help smiling at the thought of the investigators’ faces lit up with terror. “Hell, I’ll drag one of ‘em through the house by their hair. That’ll get the ghost hunters excited.”
It looks like Webster wants to smile, for just a second; but he ducks his head, and when he looks up, he’s the same old superior Webster. “You’re an idiot,” he says.
Maybe he’d been hoping for a different reaction. Joe doesn’t know, and convinced himself he doesn’t care as he turns away from the other ghost. “You’re an asshole.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“You’re a prick with a ninety year old superiority complex.”
“You’re a drug addict.”
“Was,” Joe shoots back, finally flaring up. That was a low blow. “You drowned in a fuckin’ bathtub!”
“I was murdered! My landlady —“
“You want to have been murdered, you dumb ass! You didn’t sleep for three days, and passed out in the bath! Your landlady has nothing to do with it! Saying you were murdered just sounds cooler, doesn’t it?”
Webster’s eyes narrow, while the rest of him puffs up in righteous indignation. “You know, at least you can say you were killed —“
“Yeah, I was! By you, fucker!”
“You were stabbed!”
“You drowned me!”
“You were dying anyway!”
“That doesn’t make it okay!”
Web falls silent, still flared up and furious. Veins throb at the temples of his flushed face. His chest heaves; his shoulders shake. He looks two seconds from throwing a punch, and Joe almost hopes he does. Let them get into one of their wild, all out, shake-the-walls-and-ceilings fights. Give the investigators a real show.
“I can’t stand being stuck with you for all eternity,” Web finally says, voice tight and furious.
“Yeah, me too. I’d rather die. Oh, wait, guess what, I’m already dead!”
He watches with no small amount of glee as Webster’s lips curl back in a snarl, exposing rows of perfect bared teeth. He looks two seconds away from conniption, and it’s glorious. Nothing satisfies Joe more than leaving the eloquent bastard speechless. “Ficken arschloch!” Webster spits after a moment, and Joe allows a wide, manic grin to spread across his face.
“That’s it, liebling. Erzähl mir mehr! Bitte!”
“Fick dich!”
“So eloquent —“ He moans, tossing his head back in mock-ecstasy.
That’s the moment Web really does try to punch him.
They wind up fleeing the house in blind panic as the walls rattle, doors slamming at their heels. Babe doesn’t stop screaming until they’re already speeding down a side street, kicking and clambering over each other to find their seats in Bill’s oversized truck. Their equipment clatters where it’s been haphazardly thrown in the trunk. Were Luz not so distracted, he would be mourning the inevitable damage.
He’s too busy screaming. “Oh jesus. Oh jesus! Jesus, Mary, and the holy fuckin’ ghost, what was that?”
“That was exactly what you think it was!” Bill hollers back. “It was a fuckin’ ghost!”
“Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit —“ Babe choruses. He sounds like he’s sobbing.
Toye just drives. He does not look behind him. He does not take his eyes off the road. He just drives.
The first misadventure of the Pennsylvania (and Rhode Island, By Technicality) Paranormal Research Society has come to a premature end.
It’s not until they review the evidence they’ve collected later that night that they realize something was really wild in that house.
To be fair, they all knew that to begin with. The slamming doors had left little question of that; the way books flew off the shelves, broken furniture spun across the room,  and windows slammed open and shut left no question of that. There was something in that house and it wanted them gone so much that it chased them out.
It’s only when they’re safe and sound, holed up in Babe’s basement and clustered around George’s laptop, that they realize exactly what they caught.
“Am I losing it,” says Babe, “or does that sound like German?”
“No,” replies Luz. “That’s definitely German.”
“What’s he saying?”
“How should I know?”
“Shut up,” Toye hisses, and fast forwards to a particular part of the audio clip. Here, a very clear voice can be hear saying, “Joe, you’re an asshole!”
And then it sounds almost like someone mimicking him back, in a higher voice. The group thinks it’s a woman for all of a split second before it dawns on them. The first ghost is being mocked.
“I... think we found the ghosts of an old a married couple,” says Babe.
“A gay married couple.” Bill scrunches his nose up. “Gay ghosts? Can that happen?”
“They fact that they’re ghosts shouldn’t mean they can’t be gay. Straight ghosts can happen.”
“How do you know so much about ghosts?” Bill demands. “Have you met any?”
“No!” retorts Babe. “Just, ghosts can be as gay as anybody else! Maybe every ghost is a little gay, who knows? We ain’t here to make judgements on any ghost’s lifestyle! There’s nothing weird about being a gay ghost!”
“Oh my god,” Toye says again, and slams his forehead down into his hands.
Next time Luz wants to do a “fun group thing”, they should all go rock climbing or learn to hotwire a car. It would be less chaotic than ghost hunting.
Webster seems much happier after the investigators leave, which Joe supposes is a good thing. A happy Web is less inclined to be a pain in the ass, especially if he’s allowed to curl up in front of the TV in his room.
Technically, the house doesn’t have cable. The house doesn’t have power. Ghosts can get around the laws of physics, so this isn’t a huge problem. Web’s biggest worry in his afterlife is making sure he doesn’t miss any shark documentaries when they pop up on the Discovery Channel.
Webster is a weird, weird dude.
“Think they liked the show?” Joe asks, plopping down on one side of the couch. Webster is slumped over, using his hands to pillow his head (the energy it takes to turn on the TV would be enough to wear him out, even if they didn’t mess around with the house earlier). He just makes a weird grunting noise and shifts over until his head is resting in Joe’s lap.
Joe allows it. Webster smells nice, in a faint, ghostly way; and his hair is fluffy. Laying on him is one of the least annoying things he could do. At least he’s quiet.
They argue all the time, but their fights never last for long. There’s no point holding grudges when you’ve got an eternity with someone, after all. Joe and Webster are both going to be here a long time.
Maybe fate is kind of cruel, but Joe is sure there are worst places he could have ended up than at Webster’s side. All things considered, it’s not the worst afterlife in the world.
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xiuhunsoo · 7 years
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11 Questions tag
got tagged by @stanminseok​ @chenshirejams​ @angel-osh​ and @parkcyeollie
Paige’s questions:
1. if you could be anything other than human what would you be
a cat, like, that’s the dream
2. if you were a zumba instructor what would your playlist be
omg i actually did zumba once but i forgot about 99% of the zumba songs but shakira was fun lmao, tbh i’d probably ask my old zumba instructor for her cds daskdjaks
3. would you rather take a scooter to the ankle or walk on legos
walk on legos, since i’ve been through both of these several times before i’d really rather walk on legos
4. describe your favorite movie
superhero dude tells his life story to one of his best friends while the friend is actually just sleeping and the film shows his life story lmao (if you can guess what this is kudos to you)
5. worst second hand embarrassment experience you’ve ever had
my mum had tickets to this one ballet show for us both and we went to the venue only to find out we were a week late although both my dad and me asked her SEVERAL times if it was the right date a month before and the lady at the entrance just looked at my mum like she was crazy when my mum was so confident about the show being that day and i just wanted to disappear into a hole that moment bc i somehow KNEW sth wasn’t right when we got there and i only saw people that didn’t fit the show audience at all
6. what is your childhood dream job
.....flute instructor......goodbye
7. how would you explain to your bias why they are your bias
oh god i could write a novel about why i love sehun so much tbh let’s just say it were his looks that drew me in initially but i learned to love the rest just as much if not even more like he’s so hardworking and puts so much effort into dancing and exo and cares so much for vivi, exo and his other friends and family and fans and he’s so cute and softspoken and also funny <3
8. name a city that starts with the same letter as your middle name
amsterdam!
9. who do you share a birthday with that is famous
uhhhhhh no idea tbqh i’m gonna google OHHH tchaikovsky!!!!!  and the dude that played the dad in mary poppins haha also gary cooper and idk the rest
10. describe your mood with a color
idk sth like a mudded dark green? 
11. what is your superhero name
LOL ok fun story i once dreamt i was part of the avengers and my super power was baking and i had a gun that shot muffins, i couldn’t remember my superhero name when i woke up but thinking back to this i’ll go with “Muffin Blaster”
Ari’s questions:
1. Suho’s dad jokes or Jin’s dad jokes?
Suho lmao 
2. Johnny, NCT: yes or no? (for science pls)
yes
3. Favorite girl group song?
Red Light by f(x)
4. ‘That’s right, my type’, ‘Never don’t mind about a thing’ or ‘E-X-O’?
That’s right, my type but why choose when you can have all ;)
5. Would you spend a day with Jongin’s dogs or with Toben?
kdjasdkasdksa Jongin’s dogs bc three dogs I’m sorry Toben, I’ll come and spend time with you some other day
6. Have you ever felt personally victimized by our lord and saviour Zhang Yixing?
daily tbh but I love it
7. What would your ideal date with your bias look like?
We’d probably just walk through the city, get some bubble tea, nice food and then pet all the dogs we see on the way and watch a nice film at home 
8. Favorite season?
Winter is my time to shine
9. What’s your current ringtone?
I think it’s still Monster but my phone is on silent 99% of the time lmao
10. What pet do you wish you have?
CATS ALL THE CATS and a snake and an otter and a pig and.....I want a whole zoo
11. Your bias group’s favorite stage?
Mirotic cover by EXO-M, Candy, 살다가 and El Dorado at EXO’Luxion (I’m probably forgetting 34234938248923 other stages)
Ana’s questions:
1. what disney movie would you pick to watch w/your bias?
just classics or every disney film bc i’d choose inside out but classic wise probably robin hood bc it’s my entire childhood tangled or brave are great too
2. if you had to repeat a year in your life what year would you pick?
mmmmhhhh 2015 just so i could relive the exo concert, i’d probably put up with the rest of the mess that year was just for that or maybe 2002 when i went to italy with my family that was nice too 
3. what food would you cook if you had your bias over for dinner?
oh boy i’m not the best cook but i’d probably ask what he wants?? and if everything else fails i’ll make pasta or japanese curry
4. lu or that good good?
that good good, it’s my most listened to song on itunes dakjsdakdskad (it’s a fake counting though bc i didn’t have the same laptop since i started listening to exo, el dorado would be much higher otherwise
5. which three members of exo would you want on your zombie apocalypse team? (ex members included)
minseok, junmyeon and tao probably
6. who in exo do you want to get a solo album next?
KYUNGSOO or minseok, i’d pay mad money for that
7. if you could join as a member of any girl/boy group which group would you pick?
uhhhhhhhHHHH well it’s hard for me to be a member of a boy group lmao and girl groups are always so underappreciated lmao i’d probably choose f(x) though
8. you just won a one million dollar shopping spree. what store are you headed to?
co’ex artium lmao goodbye money
9. sehun’s rainbow hair or ksoo’s red growl era hair?
THAT’S FUCKING RUDE uGH sehun’s rainbow hair i’m too biased for this
10. which exo song do you think deserves an mv? describe how it would look.
EL FUCKING DORADO! ! !  !  !! I DESERVE THAT MV, it’d fit the pathcode theme so well, with their powers trying to find whatever the el dorado is and mysterious and a bit darker vibes i guess
11. would you rather be yixings musical muse or chanyeol’s?
yixing, my man
Robin’s questions:
1. Is there a day you’d like to relive because it was so good?
7th March 2015, the day that changed my entire goddamn life bc El Dorado and EXO live wow
2. What is your favorite time of the year (because of the weather, or holidays)?
Christmas time is the best, I always feel so warm and happy 
3. What would you do if you could do anything anywhere in the world for one day?
Go to an EXO concert again???? lmao but other than that I’d probably go and visit all my internet friends <3
4. Are there any idols/celebrities you think you’d get along with really well irl?
Me and Luhan are the biggest Iron Man nerds I know so yeah
5. Is there a movie that you always go back to?
so many omfg Iron Man, Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter, Star Wars, LotR, Inside Out, Ponyo are just a few
6. Do you still like the songs that you listened to 10 years ago?
uhhh not really, some of them I can still listen to but I don’t go out of my way to do so
7. What small thing(s) in life do you enjoy/appreciate?
omg so many, food, seeing my friends, seeing pretty flowers, seeing pretty sunrises/sunsets, a good cup of tea or coffee, petting cute animals, baking
8. Is there anything you wish you had done as a kid, but can’t do anymore now because you’re “too old”?
not really
9. If you could go to anyone’s concert right now, who would it be?
EXO lmao although Luhan would be cool to see too
10. Do you have any recommendations for kdramas or other series that I need to watch?
......I watch so many things ahhhhhh depends on what you like I guess but kdrama wise my favs are It’s Okay It’s Love, Scholar Who Walks The Night and Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bokjoo and I love Crime Scene atm where Minseok was a guest for three episodes
11. What music do you listen to, if you want to get hyped?
uhhh faster paced songs I guess, I have a playlist...
good lord that’s already so long and most people have been tagged so i’ll refrain from making my own questions sorry!!! but thanks for tagging me!!!! i love this 
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