#are there like tags for people who are in ag but Not that kind of person lol

[welcometololaland]

almost uploaded a picture of my bank statement instead of this header! happy days!

thanks for the tags @hippolotamus @kiwiana-writes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @rmd-writes

@nancygillianmvp @terramous @tellmegoodbye @freneticfloetry @beautifulhigh

@orchidscript @myheartalivewrites and @strandnreyes (don't think that was a real tag but i'm taking it anyway to force you to love me).

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

49 (last time it was 46 but i feel like that isn't enough of a difference? disappointed in myself dfhskjh)

2. What's your Ao3 bodycount word count?

1,119,086 which does include some co-writes, but I also have around 200k of unposted WIP in my google docs so i'm counting it (including a fully written fic - someone put their hands around my neck and force me to edit it PLEASE).

3. Which fandoms do you write for?

red white and royal blue, 911 lone star, top gun maverick (flirting with winter's orbit always)

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

the order of these has changed but not the identity:

Speak for Yourself (RWRB) (you know when eminem said he'd never be able to top My Name Is? this is my version of that)

Fifty First Dates (RWRB) (oodie agenda reigns supreme)

The RIng-In (Lone Star) (otherwise, lone star is in danger of being eviscerated from this top 5 lmao)

(Not) A Cinderella Story (RWRB) (NDAs are hot, apparently)

Cursed is a State of Mind (RWRB) (cursed caffeine is the main drawcard let's not lie)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try my absolute best to. i am currently really behind and i apologise for that (the problem is, i reply to comments before i post anything and i haven't posted anything in ages).

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

serious answer - Contaminated

my answer - oh baby i'm a fool for you because we never find out if they actually watch twilight and that's a damn shame

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

literally everything else - i don't really do open endings or sad endings! in the words of the great philosopher, skepta: "nah, that's not me."

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i used to, but i haven't in ages! thank god for that.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, although i have to say i've been moving away from pwp lately. i feel my best smut is written into longer fics where the sex serves a plot or characterisation purpose within the frame of the overarching narrative.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

yes, a RWRB/LS but i never finished it. ALTA is a veronica mars inspired tarlos fic which kind of feels like a crossover at times.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge :)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! Phonography (Lone Star) has been translated, as has Baby, Make Your Move (Lone Star) and Warm Whispers (Lone Star). I'm very grateful to the incredible people who have made these translations happen - you are so talented.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

yes, many with @dustratcentral. I also wrote a chapter of a co-written fic with a whole bunch of incredible RWRB authors called never the same twice.

@rmd-writes and I have created (Un)Professional Services and (upcoming) Call Me (By Your Name).

The Rainbow Fish was co-written with @strandnreyes.

I love co-writing so much and I am always open to anyone who wants to give it a go!

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

me + my unposted wips.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the aforementioned crossover which was apparently also my answer last time.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm allergic to giving myself compliments but i would say maybe dialogue/banter and worldbuilding.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

keeping things short. also, exposition.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

kinda scared to because i don't speak any other languages and i'm so hesitant to annoy my very talented multi-lingual friends with my annoying questions.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

we don't talk about that.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

probably still Love Game because the experience was just so amazing and i never wanted to stop writing it.

heaps of people have already done this so leaving an open tag and also a couple of suggestions under the cut but apologies if you've already participated or been tagged 7 million times:

@bonheur-cafe @theghostofashton @thebumblecee @indomitable-love @eclectic-sassycoweyes

@tailoredshirt @vineofroses @liminalmemories21 @mikibwrites @birdclowns

@ladytessa74 @basilsunrise @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @rosedavid @sanjuwrites

@alrightbuckaroo @three-drink-amy @marjansmarwani @dumbpeachjuice @doublel27

@lemonlyman-dotcom @blueink3 @ambiguouspenny @clottedcreamfudge @emmalostinwonderland

@sail-not-drift @inexplicablymine @celeritas2997 @cricketnationrise @reyesstrand

@goodways @carlos-in-glasses @heartstringsduet @sunshinestrand @sherryvalli

#20 questions #20 questions for fic writers #911 lone star #rwrb #tarlos #fic games #welcometololaland

[sjofn-lofnsdottr]

— B A S I C S

Name: Bellinor Lanverlais

Nicknames: Dusk, which is the name he goes by in almost all circumstances. The vast majority of people don't know his actual first name.

Age: 39, I'll tick him over to 40 when Dawntrail starts. Happy birthday?

Nameday: 21st Sun of the Second Umbral Moon

Race: Elezen, Wildwoodishgardian

Gender: Dude

Orientation: Pansexual, polyamorous

Profession: Gunbreaker, will still do DRK and DRG things occasionally. Also a carpenter.

— P H Y S I C A L A S P E C T S

Hair: Blondie blond blond with some white highlights that he doesn't want to think about but luckily blend in pretty well. He also has a beard. He will never shave it.

Eyes: Dark Green

Skin: Light skinned, but does look like he goes into the sun occasionally. He promises he goes into the sun occasionally.

Tattoos/scars: Nope!

— F A M I L Y

Parents: Extremely alive. His father is named Bernon, and he was a pikeman in the Ishgardian military until he and his wife deserted left, and he is currently a maverick Wood Wailer who should probably hand in his badge. His mother is named Gwenolie, she was a chirugeon in Ishgard, which is how she met Bernon in the first place. She retired completely upon reaching Gridania ... as far as Gridania knows, at least.

Siblings: His twin sister, Orianne. Her nickname, of course, is Dawn. She's a botanist most of the time, unless she feels like the Scions are not doing a good enough job keeping an eye on her brother. Then she's a lancer who recently picked up reaper, since it's hard to feel like you're pulling your weight when your brother and his boyfriend bro are both extra special dragoons, you know?

Grandparents: ALSO VERY ALIVE, although they're all getting on in years. Gwenolie's parents are Lionnet and Aurelle Tirauland. Lionnet is a (mostly) retired chocobo trainer, Aurelle is a retired knight. Bernon's parents are Ciceroix and Iliette Lanverlais. Ciceroix was also a pikeman in the military (now retired) and Iliette is a retired archer.

In-laws and Other: It's kinda funny this asks for in-laws but not ... partners? Farron is Dusk's almost-husband, which makes Farron's semi-adopted dad, Bjalla, Dusk's almost-father-in-law. Farron also has two kids, twins, named Sverre and Kara, who seem keen to adopt Dusk. The twins live on the First. It's a whole thing. And Estinien is ... <waves hand vaguely>.

Pets: Dusk and Farron are currently raising two amaro babies, which probably count. Their names are Eo Lad and Sul Lad, and they're adorable. There's also Duck, of course, but he's not a pet.

— S K I L L S

Abilities: He has an excellent memory for names and visuals. He is an excellent carpenter. He's also usually pretty good in social situations.

Hobbies: He enjoys woodworking, playing piano or cello, or painting when it's Hobby Time.

— T R A I T S

Most Positive Traits: Kind, determined, resilient.

Most Negative Traits: Sore loser, has a very difficult time telling concise stories, tends to hide when he's Not Alright from most people.

— L I K E S

Colors: Greens and blues.

Smells: Sawdust, and the way super cold, crisp air smells.

Textures: I have never thought about this question, and I do not intend to start. He probably likes when he runs a hand over something he's sanded and it feels perfect, though. Does that count?

Drinks: Likes finding new teas to try. Also a closet wine snob.

— O T H E R D E T A I L S

Smokes: Not tobacco! :D

Drinks: As mentioned, he is into wine. He usually stops drinking once he feels himself getting tipsy, but ... not always.

Drugs: don't worry about it

Mount Issuance: His chocobo Pike, of course. He also has an amber draught chocobo named Lance.

Been Arrested: Uhhh unless that one time in Ul'dah counts, nope!

I was tagged by @alixennial, thank you! I don't want to tag every single FFXIV mutual I have, so uh ... if you're one of them, do the thing if you want. :P

#tag game #just dusk #let me tell you about my characters

[kangals]

way back in 2014, probably a few weeks or months after you posted that picture of boone with the stick on his head, i checked your blog out and so dearly enjoyed all the dogposting that i followed. i think you were the first dogblr blog i actually followed at the time, but it's been ages and my memory is bad, so i'm not fully sure. it wasn't long before then--2012 i think?--that i had gotten a new dog of my own, a border collie. iirc he and boone were just about the same age.

in 2018 i lost that blog i'd followed you with, and a lot of connections with it. i didn't return until 2021, and when i did, i didn't refollow most of the old blogs; i don't think i even really went looking for them. it took me a while to get back into the swing of using tumblr.

last september, my border collie had a sharp health decline, and i had to say goodbye. it's not the first time i've had to put a pet down, but i think it was the hardest. i'm still not over it. even just typing this now, i feel raw.

then in march or so, i made a new fandom friend who knows you, and i enthusiastically recalled following you before and how much i enjoyed it. i didn't even know about stellina, and now there's kep too! but... i also didn't know you'd lost boone. i followed because i still really enjoy your blog, and i love your collies too. and butters!!! so glad she's still here!

idk what made me look tonight... maybe because i talked about my old border collie with someone today. i went looking for the posts immediately around when you lost boone, because i guess some part of me wanted to know what happened. i spent the better part of an hour (maybe longer?) reading posts from the weeks before the decline, and then the loss, and then the deluge of old boone pictures after, and i've been crying pretty much the whole time just reading your posts and tags about him.

and this is a long and windy way to get to saying thank you. i'm glad you shared your grief, though that seems like a weird thing to say. there's something cathartic about crying over someone else's dog when you still hurt about your own, and knowing you're not alone in that kind of sorrow. boone was such a beautiful boy. i'll never forget that silly post that made me check your blog out in the first place, or the years of posts i stuck around for after. i wish i'd remembered to follow sooner, but the archive is still there, and it's so fun looking through all those old posts about him and his quirks and antics. he was amazing.

sorry for the length of this, i just... really wanted you to know that he touched yet another life, i guess. and i've been so deeply enjoying your posts about stellina and kep. i know it'll be a year soon... i hope there's some peace in how things have gone since he passed, and i hope the anniversary isn't too hard on you. thank you for sharing him with us.

i've been on tumblr for 14 years and this is, genuinely, the nicest ask i think i've ever been sent.

thank you - sincerely. there's been a lot of times over the course of this blog that i've felt like i was oversharing, or talking about pointless things only i cared about. i still so frequently start typing out a post only to stop mid-sentence and delete it because i can't help but think "no one cares about this." possibly it's why i like to talk about my pets so much - they're not me, but i'm the one who knows them best, so i get to say "hey look at this" and ramble and have people say "i'm looking" back. when boone passed, i lost that filter and i poured my grief out into this blog because it was the closest outlet i had. and to have hundreds of people not only acknowledge this but to commiserate, to reassure, to share their own stories - that helped healed me more than i can put into words. it's exactly as you said: there's a catharsis in grieving together.

i am sorry you also had to say goodbye. i wish i could say it gets easier, but i think that would be defeating the point of grief. your grief is your love and damn it if there isn't any act more loving in the world than choosing to say goodbye to an old, loyal dog. you think of how dogs were domesticated tens of thousands of years ago, of how human society and dogs have developed intertwined, of how we have records of ancient greeks and romans carving loving epitaths on their dog's graves, of how a prehistoric dog's skull was found with a bone placed in it's mouth after death, and you wonder if grieving a dog isn't one of the most consistent experiences in the whole of human history that there is.

i'm glad to know that this could bring you some comfort, in some way. it's incredibly touching to know that you kept me and boone in your thoughts for all this time. i am doing ok - i've been reflecting a lot as we approach the one-year mark. i'm not sure if i'll be able to condense those thoughts down into coherent words, but i'll do my best. i hope that my silly little pets continue to bring you some happiness, and that you've found peace with your own grief.

thank you, again - this is extremely touching and means a hell of a lot to me.

#i know exactly what you mean about reading posts about other peoples loss and grieving in camaraderie with them. i do that too #also mayhaps i am nosy sometimes and want to intrude. i cant help my nature to be a looky-loo #which is to say: you should never feel like you are intruding for doing so back to me.

[natolesims]

OC Deep Dive Questionnaire Tag

Thank you for the tag @windslar!! Our favourite blonde is going to be in the eye of the hurricane for the next days, so let's get to get to know Lottie a bit better :D

1. What uncommon/common fear do they have?

She's afraid of thunderstorms! And also, death. She lost her mom at a very young age, so an early demise is something Lottie feels uneasy about.

2. Do they have any pet peeves?

People who talk too much about themselves. Ironic, huh?

3. What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

Expensive perfume bottles, at least one bouquet of fresh flowers and a manicure set.

4. What do they notice first in a person?

Their general hygiene. Lottie won't judge you about your clothing and style (maybe a little), but uneccesary messiness? Bad smells? Dirty teeth? Ew, no thanks.

5. On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Oh no, a complete 0. She'll cry rivers for the smallest, non-visible scratch anytime. She's a terrible patient whenever she's really hurt or sick.

6. Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

Lottie will choose violence whenever she feels the lightest pressure on her glamourous and delicate self, thank you very much.

7. Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

No and yes! Her family has been always her and her dad since she was a toddler, and she always grew apart from other relatives or acquaitances. On the other hand, being close to Tiana made Lottie become included by the whole White bunch in their chaotic family antics, what shaped her into a a very familiar person. That's one of the main reasons she would love to have a big family of her own!

8. What animal represents them best?

A very much spoiled angora cat, of course.

9. What is a smell that they dislike?

Artificial strawberry, specially on cosmetics.

10. Have they broken any bones?

Nope! And let's hope things stay that way!

11. How would a stranger likely describe them?

It would depend on her mood, since she can be your best friend or ignore you completely if she feels like it. In general, people often say she's elegant, well-educated, pretentious and too loud.

12. Are they a night owl or a morning bird?

Her? A night owl? She won't interrupt her beauty sleep even if her life depends on it. Lottie prefers to wake up early and get things done with a freshly rested face.

13. What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

Hate: coconut / Love: vanilla!

14. Do they have any hobbies?

I don't know if it counts as a hobby, but wellness is her main thing. From doing yoga and meditating to research crystal properties, Lottie is very passionate about it!

15. Boom, surprise birthday party!How do they react to surprises?

Oh, she LOVES surprises! Only if they reach her standards, what's a bit troublesome. But anything that makes her feel like the main character is a yes, thank you.

16. Do they like to wear jewelry?

It's not a preference, it's a sport. And she's the national champion.

17. Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

Of course it's neat! She wouldn't dare to leave elegant handwritten and scented notes to people with an horrendous one. Fun fact: she even took calligraphy classes to improve her style at some point.

18. What are two emotions they feel the most?

Flirty (of course) and confident (of course x2).

19. Do they have a favorite fabric?

Silk! So fresh, smooth and flattering. And expensive, as usual.

20. What kind of accent do they have?

US English, rich girl edition.

I tag @payte @goldoradove @samssims @pixel-bloom @zosa95 @akitasimblr @duusheen @marcishaun @nitrozem @micrathene-w and @bakersimmer! Feel free to ignoreee

#thank you!! #tag game #happily ever after extras #the princess and the frog

[lunarharp]

more phoenix wright situations

#ace attorney tag #maybe i should tag this narumitsu or something. but i dont really care. #gearing up to rereading/illustrating bits of my fic i suppose...i think nick really is too dense to realise he's in love with edgeworth #without some scheming fop trying to intrude. i love villains like kristoph..villains can be fun..witnessing their pathetic folly.. #or more like edgeworth would never have mentioned his feelings ever in his life if he wasn't sure phoenix reciprocates. #i want to see it this way because Falling in love during childhood with the person you're going to end up with. is not relatable #there have to be Situations that make you Realise. #as with orufrey i adore the idea of people not working out their romance with that person until their 30s+ #but... i mean. even with orufrey i often think how alaira could be qifrey's ex. and oru having been pursued by noble fops through his work #there is that delicate sliver of time before orufrey start living together that such believable situations could have happened. #Then the relief of politely and amicably extricating themselves from those untenable situations #the idea of falling in love age 7 and saving your first kiss for age 35 or something is all very well but more relatable is #people realising how they really feel whilst trying something that ends up feeling wrong. #The comfort and joy of living with your dearest one as if it's platonic - much preferable to trying anything more with anyone else. #But i doubt i will ever portray that or mention it further. it is indeed very delicate to me. #and i really am an OTP FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kind of person who can barely bear to consider this anyway...NOT a polyshipper i'm afraid ! #so i wouldn't mind either if they do have their first kiss in their lives age 35 with each other either. I would not mind that at all. #i love bi/gay couples apparently... bi father figures & their grumpy gay men waiting for them to work it all out... #not used to using colour in comic-style drawings..or at all..so this is messy and awkward looking..but colour is refreshing #i imagine i will go back to witch hat art soon btw. my destiny in life. #i still remember writing my nrmt fic expecting to write their first kiss & then partway through twas like Umm No. They have kissed prior. #does that really line up with this comic though... i think i had their early dinner dates/first kiss BEFORE disbarment. #so i guess this comic doesn't line up with my ficverse.... No..... U___U Oh well. sorry kris! <3

[brother-emperors]

CAESAR AUGUSTUS AND MARCUS LICINIUS CRASSUS

this is about the spolia opima that crassus was robbed of lmao. like, yeah okay octavian could've asked him not to claim it, but nevertheless. a kind of theft happened there.

Fact and Fiction: Crassus, Augustus, and the Spolia Opima, Catherine McPherson

#this is one from the vaults I started a few months ago and finally finished. it’s always the furniture details that put things on hold lmao #the former co consuls are fightinggggg (?) #rome is built on top of other people. this is about both the imperialism-slavery machine and the way that all these guys would #politically devour their own generation to sit on a throne. etc. anyway. octavian specifically sits on a throne of other people’s #accomplishments. that’s a specific kind of debt to carry around your neck. or theft depending on who is doing what #this was theft. anything involving Agrippa was a gift so there’s an obligation to succeed which is it’s own kind of currency so to speak #sugghrhfh. every crassus always has to be like this. in my heart i always root for whoever decides to go up against rome #and then i'm stuck with the guy who should've got a spolia opima like. congrats on your win. i guess. i think. RIP. #ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT. while im talking about this crassus. domina fucking sucks. what an absolute clusterfuck of a show #anyway. if anyone ever does augustan age politics again. octavia would be a great character if you want to invent shit #but also more importantly octavian should seduce crassus for this. thank you. #octavian #marcus licinius crassus.....christ how do i write down that he's the grandson of my crassus. i'll figure it out later #roman empire tag #drawing tag

[tetedurfarm]

rusasi-ma -> tetedurfarm

welcome to the new look; let's get it started with the perfect photo to encapsulate the changes

#the name means 'hard-headed' in cajun french #which. hi. i'm cajun. #i used to use frithyeer farm but it's uhhh not so sunny here in washington and also i have more than just rabbits now and felt like a chang #i'm not sure if i should post old pics too or just start posing newer stuff as it comes #also should i use like homesteading and farming tags. i don't wanna interact with tradwives/cottagecore people.... #are there like tags for people who are in ag but Not that kind of person lol #goats #rabbit #blanc de hotot #kits #mini nubian #nigerian dwarf #violet #hallow

[reluctantbylerblog]

my superpower is that could not care less if byler becomes canon or not. not saying I wouldn't be overjoyed if it did but I've been through this rodeo enough times to just not give a damn what happens in canon. if I like a ship I like a ship and whether canon agrees with me or not is irrelevant. that is shipping nirvana in my eyes

#byler #i get that a lot of byler shippers are on the younger side #and I'm very much not #I'm twice those characters age so like I'm way past caring if canon validates a ship #again #not saying i wouldn't be ecstatic if they did happen #but it's not a very healthy place to be to place so much of my emotional well being on whether a fictional couple gets together #anyways i encourage any younger shippers to learn to be okay with the possibility of byler not being canon #not because it's not likely or not important that it does happen #but because it's not a healthy way to approach shipping culture imo #byler doubt #← only tagging that for the people who absolutely don't like seeing that kind of stuff

[milimeters-morales]

can i get Miles G with a fucked up sense of his own mortality pretty please :3 and some concerning views on his relationships with people and religious imagery in there with how he is the sacrificial lamb and the person killing it and the witnesses and the better good they all crave :3 and then don’t make him say it or even think it often just in the shower and when he’s trying to sleep pretty please with a cherry on top :3

#like he’s got a lot going on in there and out there would love to see it be kind of fucked up 👍🏾 please i want to save him so bad #<- is the one making it fucking awful for him #like how does he view his relationships with people his age? people older than him? younger than him? are they all flesh and bones at some+ #point to him?? he values his mother above all else. what is he willing to do (if his prowler is like that in the first place?) #how does he see himself? is he fucked up in a ‘i’m their favorite im perfect at my job’ way? or a beaten and broken down to where they + #can’t run because that would mean leaving their food home a loved one #how does he handle pain? does he do it himself? does he think he deserves it? does he deserve nothing? does he even consider himself a+ #human anymore?? #does he feel like a weapon that this wonderful woman gave birth to and is burdened with? they just look so similar yknow maybe he hates #that at some point. maybe he is intriguing in his own home and body. #has he already killed miles? when he looks in the mirror does he see anything at all besides someone who’s killed + replaced the real miles #hes so eldest daughter core it’s almost 9pm i can’t be thinking like this. it’s going to ruin me #??? #not tagging #atsv spoilers

[wr0ngwarp]

when i was 11 years old, one of my favorite songs in the whole world was "firework" by katy perry. i was also at the time obsessed with pokepasta, but as an 11 year old tends to be, very afraid of it.

in order to make pokepasta scare me less, i would listen to firework on loop while reading it. instead of the desired effect, it instead made me irreversibly associate the song with pokemon gore forever. this association with classic pokepasta against all odds persists to this day.

this abandon lonliness art is an attempt to express the noisy manic nostalgic insanity i felt listening to nightcore firework at 2x speed while also having a migraine.

#pokemon #pokepasta #abandon lonliness #lonliness #sorrow leaf #<- no idea what tag people use for her oops lol #eyestrain #gore #blood #ask to tag #this is definitely art that exists exclusively for me and no one else but i think it looks cool anyway. #also fun fact there used to be a curse nail but i accidentally layered it under the gore explosion KLSDJGLKSDJG #you can still kind of see the top of it.... #this is also definitely like. the goriest thing ive drawn in ages tbh (not counting pastamon who just are gory by default lol) #also the ''you are a gift'' pin lonliness has is bc my irl lonliness plush has a pin similar to that.

[maggotwithanf]

2.5 DAYS TIL NEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LKHAKLDHLSALKASJLK

I just have to finish my Gladiator outfit!!!!!!!

#ik this might not mean anything to anyone outside of Wasteland #but I've wanted to be a gladiator since my first ever Wasteland??? at like age 23?? #so like 9 years now lmfao #and now I finally finally finally get to start living that dream kind of hahaha #i'm not a full gladiator yet (although I really wanna start training next year/when I move back to CA) #but I'm running with them/being a meatbag who's a designated kill during the initial Red Rover run at the Core #that's like the opening match #Gladiators is kind of like wrestling but with actual blunt weapons/morningstars/etc and in a VERY SMALL CAGE #like errr 6 to 9 feet in a circle I think?? #at Neo it's an open air thing with multiple people at once #and there are phase matches after the first match #but HOLY FUCKING SHIT #I remember grabbing onto the rails and climbing the cage at my first Wasteland and being like THIS IS THE COOLEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN #I'LL NEVER BE BADASS ENOUGH TO DO THIS #and here I am!!!!!!!!! #HDAKJHDKJAHKJAH #maggotposts #neotropolis #bonertown tag

[foxgirlmoth]

I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.

Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.

Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;

#Not to be too gay but I wanna build my life with my princess more and more #She's. So good to me and she's so pretty and she's so beautiful and attentive and she listens to me in ways I feel no one else has #She understands me so well!! And I hopefully make her feel the same #But yeah I've been a burden a lot to people due to autism (which I didn't know I had for fucking ages) adhd and physical disabilites #And she feels like she isn't taking care of me which is good because I'd honestly hate that #But she understands me and makes me a better person and that's exactly what I've wanted for forever. #And being demi/aspec is awesome with her since she's aspec too and there's no pressure for sex or sexy times but if we both want it #It can still be super fun!! We gotta figure more of that stuff out if we want but knowing each others kinks (and sharing a good bit) rocks #Idk its so so so so easy to love my wife Maxie #She's so dear to me and we've only been dating for 4 months but they've been 4 months I've felt the most alive and seen #Its so easy to be cringe but free with her too idk #She makes me better and I hope I do the same for her. I don't want either of us to stagnate yknow? #But anyways yeah this is just a big journal entry of some kind I might do these every once and a while #Not to like. Brag??? I guess. Or show my mental illness so much. Its just kind of nice if friends know where I'm at in my life I guess #And idk having outside input on thoughts can be good. If any friends see this and go 'Hey Runa this is real weird maybe tone it down' #I can look at that stuff a bit more #Gonna tag this in a way I can find it and others in the future too #Runa diary logs #But yeah you're not hearing this from me but I wanna be with Maxine for the foreseeable future more than anything. #Gotta get my degree and a good job too and she's ofc not the only person in my life (I have Sara who is so very dear to me too ;w;) #Nor is she the only 'goal' I have either. I wanna make games I wanna make art. I wanna make something that other trans people #And queer people and just minorities in general can look at or play or experience and just go. Life is worth living #I love my life right now and I'm so glad I've made it to my late 20's. #Its only uphill from here :3 #Wanna add on when I say she's not the only person in my life I mean that I have so many friends and people I love who love me too :3 #♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[andthebeanstalk]

It helps me to think about caring for myself like I think about caring for a child.

Like, 'yes, I know you feel fine, but I think you've watched enough scary things before bed. Let's watch something nice now, okay?'

#original #it also helps because i am a queer autistic person with adhd who was raised catholic and #i was taught that the only way to be a truly good person was to sacrifice myself for others at all costs #and therefore seeking my own happiness was a sin. denial's the game. the more the holier. #I often think about how lent was all about honoring Jesus's sacrifice for us. but none of the things we ever gave up ever helped anyone #jesus was like hey it is a sin to allow people to go hungry and we were like 'give up pizza for a month got it' #🙄🙄🙄 #I went to Catholic school and we would brag to each other about what we gave up #i think Lent is about as holy as weight loss #only holy in the eyes of a god who doesn't love me #so I don't care much for that one anymore. #anyway what I meant to say was one of the things that helps me break out of this mindset that was ingrained in me at a young age #is when I start sacrificing myself instinctively to please people I ask if I would allow this level of pain to happen to a child #if that doesn't work I ask if I would allow it to happen to a dog. #and the answer is almost always absolutely not. i would protect that animal. #and my next thought is don't I deserve to be treated at least as well as a dog?? #i think yes. #i think i ought to be treated at least as well as I'd treat everyone else actually. and i am kind to others. #so why would i be my one exception? #these tags were brought to you by: i am setting boundaries with my family #bc i realized if they had treated my dog like this I'd have disowned them and not have felt guilty for it #i would also protect a child at all costs just to be clear #that is never in question it is just a matter of side stepping my trauma's excuses since it may go like #'oh you don't deserve as much as other people' but it is LESS likely to be able to convince me I should have less rights than a literal dog

[lunarninja613]

.

#i'm putting this in the tags because i'm scared of what could happen otherwise #but i am so fucking frustrated with the people who don't want minors and people under eighteen years old #interacting with their blogs! #don't get me wrong i understand that people put those up for a reason and i totally respect that #but what i don't understand is the fact that some of those people think it’s completely fine to interact with MY BLOG! #literally the first thing i have in my description is that i am under eighteen years old because i don't want to reveal my actual age yet #however some people seem to have missed that #i don't know if i'm just overreacting and just being a little shit #and i'm sorry if i am #but i just really don't like how some people are not giving the same respect that they want to be given #why have that age restriction if you're going to interact with me anyways #this has happened a few times and it's kind of frustrating #again i'm sorry if i'm being an asshole #please don't hate me

[lunarharp]

scribbly first date type affair (continuation of my modern au stuff)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #idk when the next modern au thing will be so i'll just post this by itself. hehe #that art was one of qifrey's first drawings. it was of a creepy eye. (it was around the time he got glasses as a kid) #(and was told that he might lose his sight completely one day so he became an emo because he already wanted to be an artist #like beldaruit who ran his foster home where he encouraged kids to draw art to express their feelings.) #and an insidious deviantart group called The Brimhats idk stole it & reposted it. he never got to the bottom of who exactly did it. #but one day. they will fucking suffer. #(he believes their goal was to develop AI art as they said stuff like 'all art should belong to everyone anyway' & 'there shouldnt be rules' #but actually they were probably just regular mean ppl who have moved on to new things in life than stealing kids' art on deviantart. #who knows though.) i want people to retain their disabilities or general tragedies like beldaruit would be in a wheelchair #and coco's mum is in a coma. but its just so funny if qifrey just has regular bad eyesight #and it's so cute that he would say he doesnt think of beldaruit as a dad & is distant with him but now basically runs a foster home too #where he doesnt just encourage like he was encouraged but actively teaches kids from sad backgrounds to become wonderful artists one day #anyway i am so fucking hungry now goodbye #P.S. BELDARUIT IS NOT OLD !!!!!!! i mean if qifrey is late 20s or older in canon like i want... i guess he..but.... NO !!!!!! 😭 #*edits in some follow-up drawings* #oru: i couldn't c-c-confess my feelings bc it always seems like he's worried about something..i shouldnt bother him.. #qif: *always worried about how to confess his feelings* #ive decided meeting at 7 on da is kind of ridiculous actually. i think they probably meet at like age 10 in canon..not immediately =_= #since beru-sama is like 'he finally found a friend'. whatever... this'll be my last art post for a while probably so see ya <3

[olliecoded]

thank u to the person who called me a "transtrender" and said i'm faking it and not queer enough and learned about queerness through tiktok etc etc. all because i made the absolutely fucking buck wild claim that we should let bi lesbians live their lives in peace. wow

#keira don't look #<- it wasn't keira they just know the person im talking about and this was AGES ago i dont want them to know im still upset about it hehe #anyway for context i was talking about how attempts to place queer people into rigid boxes & draw unbreakable lines in the sand r always #going to fail bcs queerness is complex and messy! and human beings sometimes have identities that don't fit neatly under one label! #and the people who say shit like ''aphobes terfs and anti-neopronouns dni'' r the same people who now bully mspec lesbians #like. ur exclusionism isn't better just because it's ''woke'' this time. it's still bigoted tee hee #ANYWAY IN SUMMARY. i was just saying that i don't think it's our business to police how others identify and why they do so #and this person starts saying that im only queer bcs of tiktok and saying that i cant have an opinion on queer issues #and that im faking being trans #which is. incredibly hurtful especially bcs im bigender genderqueer genderweird etc so exactly the kind of trans person that exclus hate #and it's like. is this what people do? they just start trying to kick queer ppl out of our own community when they dont like what we're #saying?? #sorry i think about this periodically and it makes me really upset it's like. keep trying to define the entire fucked up weird spectrum of #human attraction and gender and then make everyone use ur definitions. dont worry bro itll work this time. #queerposting #<- i talk in depth about queer issues sometimes so ill start using that tag for ppl who dont wanna see the discourse