#as if that'll fucking help me

[emo-nova]

Okay, au where Shen Yuan is the older than Shen Jiu and Yue Qing. And this boy just goes "I'm a single mother of two" mode, he is responsible but is on the fringes of unhealthily independent as to make sure both of these kids get food and water and have a somewhat decent childhood.

Shen Jiu most likely sees Shen Yuan as a reliable adult but with a bad penchant of focusing too much on Shen Jiu and Yue Qi for resources. Yue Qi sees the same but wants to help Shen Yuan in getting more food and water.

Of course when the Qiu House comes knocking, Shen Yuan puts himself in the stead of Shen Jiu and ensures both of them leave. While Shen Yuan tries to both get a better standing in the house and looking to leave over the course of the years, he doesn't hold out much hope for Shen Jiu and Yue Qi to come back.

Last SY saw of them, they were kids, thin and tiny and barely fast enough to outrun adults. But when almost a decade comes, both of them rock up.

SJ is pissed, but looks composed, but still ready to burn the place down. YQ is livid, looking calm as anything, but is talking very nicely with the Young Master of the house in getting one of their slaves.

SY is brought out. He looks slightly healthier, not much, but he has some weight to him, and he is clothed better than rags. He looks presentable. He looks over to the two and has a mini heart attack.

Dawning realisation that "oh fuck, I was raising the scum villain and the head of Cang Qiong Peak" add a light anxiety attack in his head as he just watches everything happen.

They leave, SY in slight shock as he is now free, to Cang Qiong. Now this can go anywhere.

I personally want SY to not be a cultivator but a librarian to the libraries of SJ's peak to help Binghe get the correct manuel but also guide him a teacher-adjacent way to him and others.

Sure, SY would have a shorter life compared to others, but I think with him trying to become a cultivator when he is an adult already would be more difficult and just not worth it.

But anyone can pick this up to something else, possible with a hibernating system until Binghe comes around? Who knows? But enjoy this random, in the moment au :D

#svsss #svsss shen yuan #shen jiu #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #shen twins #not really?? #shen brothers #thats more of the tone #yue qingyuan #svsss au #svsss ideas #help the chokehold of older shen yuan is killimg me #please someone steal this from me before i write it >:( #but also Yue Qi deserves an older brother figure who gives him as many gray hairs as his younger one >:) #poor boy will be stressed by the mere image of these two being on the same peak #lol imagine Cumplane becoming friends and everyone going like “the librarian and the stats lord??? the fuck??” #that'll be funny #svsss shen jiu #luo binghe is going to be so confused by the two Shens #imagine you have kinda mean(less truamatised) Shen Jiu being harsh and strict #and flighty and ready to just jump away from loud noises Shen Yuan librarian who just wants to give snacks and help at any given moment #and being told they are brothers

[leonardcohenofficial]

imagine not being in constant fucking physical chronic pain every single moment of every single fucking day could not be me

#in other news i am in a horrific flareup and i'm straight up gonna lose it #being in this much pain every single moment of my existence is getting real fucking old man #i am really grateful that one of my closest friends out here gave me a gift card to get a massage as a holiday gift because it'll at least #give me a modicum of relief (since stretching is not really something i'm supposed to do since being slightly hypermobile it means i could #injure myself ANYWAYS i hate it here) so hope that'll help on tuesday

[byanyan]

catch me sobbing bc I'm about to have a desk of my own for the first time since I was like 17 😭

#me spending my entire adulthood taking up as little space as possible #everywhere I'm living in an effort to be less of a burden on whoever I'm living with #now my mom's gone & cleaned out the storage room so I can make it my space to exist so I'm not just isolating in my bedroom #we spent today in town buying shit for the room.... desk & chair & lights etc.... #and I'm v emotional about this..... i think it's going to help me a lot to like. actually exist & function. #not to get emotional about my pathetic life on the dash or anything but wow... realizing it's probably not just depression & anxiety #and that I'm actually probably autistic has done fucking WONDERS for me like. taking steps forward again. #actively working on change & like. figuring out how to cope & regulate & not blame everything about my life on myself being lazy adjgksh #honestly it's 7pm but I'm probably gonna set the desk up tonight bc I'm so fuckign excited to get that room set up now oh man... #that'll probably be most of my day tomorrow too tbh. at least until we leave to go watch d-day in cinema 😭😭 #IT'S A GOOD WEEK GUYS..... it's gonna be a good week #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me. #personal cw

[crehador]

overtake! ✧ episode 6

#crab watches #overtake! #god i wasn't fucking ready #i thought oh silly f4 anime that'll probably be a bit of mild fun but unspectacular #AND THEN THE EMOTIONS APPEAR #THIS IS DEVASTATING (positive) TO ME #the more they come to care about each other the more they're able to help each other overcome their pasts #but of course as kouya starts to care about haruka more he worries more #and doesn't want him to literally die #THIS IS FAMILY. TO ME. #i've said it before but i still REALLY love that it's not such a formulaic father-son bond #tbh i think it would've felt weaker if kouya were put in a position of replacing haruka's father #because like even without following a rigid family structure THIS IS A FAMILY!! BEING FOUNDED RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES!!! #i haven't even finished the episode yet i'm dreading what's to come and already on the floor from this moment #LOVE haruka going from so withdrawn to being able to make a grand speech/declaration like this #only to be told no i don't want that #ue ue ue GOOD WRITING IS AFOOT

[bluesidedown]

hnggghhggg

#just realized a little too hard that im packing my entire life up into a single suitcse and hitting the road for a month. in a month. #im also turning 24 in a month #both of these things perturb me in some direction or another. #its also 1030pm but i am Vibrating unfortunately #also realized vividly today that ill be attending my college graduation less than 48hrs after landing back in canada #and that will be after 30+ hours in transit coming directly from a 12 hour time difference #so that'll be fun #not really how i imagined graduating when i started my freshman year? #actually dear lord i could not have fathomed Being Here when i was 19 and starying college #i remember hearing about the program im currently doing and thinking 'wow that's incredibly cool but im just not the kind of person #who can do that sort of thing' #i still periodically have moments where i just look around and have to be like Yes I Really Am Here #and yeah turning 24. in a month. that's far too grown up of an age for how i feel inside. #and yeah trvaelljng to 5 vountires in a month again? wild. #didnt think anything could top seeing the great pyramids for out of body wild experiences And Yet. we sure are gonna be going some places. #also being in a serious relationship huh. didnt think this was going to happen until i was 35 if ever. #skmeone needs to tell me why my brain decided to watch wedding dress youtube shorts today with a vague expectation that might be relevant #to my life within a decade. #so yeah all that to say my life feels fucking insane to me. #I Am Not Qualified For This Experience Help #(this is not entirely negative im just ??????)

[reginaofdoctorwho]

SO saw the cardiologist again (np but it was a followup so), cardiologist changed my diagnosis from neurocardiogenic syncope to POTS. not much difference in the lifestyle "changes" they'd want me to make but because it was switched they're prescribing me midodrine, already picked it up from the pharmacy gonna take first dose today (unless i forget)

looking it up on reddit and tumblr it does seem to help a lot of people so hopefully it helps me too :)

kinda scared of being diagnosed with POTS since there are so many people online who have such a horrible time with it but at the same time i'd be having these symptoms whether i was diagnosed or not, i've been having them for a couple years now, and even if the med doesn't work now i know it's not just all in my head

#pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #literally if the meds help me that'll be a fucking godsend #a lot of people were talking about how they don't have energy until they take their midodrine and like #goddamn i hope I get energy from it #i hope so badly that it works

[ghost-proofbaby]

Not to indulge the BG3 " brain rot " but.... can we see what your tav looks like? Maybe hear a little bit about them? Sorry I'm just also on a BG3 kick right now

sure! don't apologize for that <3

this is my first tav, for my only currently completed playthrough. named her seraphina, she was a wild magic sorcerer elf and she romanced astarion, and she was 100% a goody two shoes. not to flex or anything. always gonna hold a special place in my heart. kinda sad i don't have more screenshots of her. also, i went through this playthrough without any mods!

and then my current playthrough is actually my first durge! i've made a couple so far (my bad), but this is going to be a redeemed/resisting the urges playthrough. her name is aruna, and she's also romancing astarion (what a shocker). she's a storm sorcerer elf you can tell i have a preferred class and race huh. i also caught the wonderful lil sideye exchanged during the gur encounter between her and astarion which i laughed at for a good five minutes. so far, this playthrough has been 100x more chaotic, and is definitely giving her and astarion sharing a brain cell (the blood of lathander quest is still a sensitive topic for our dear pale elf womp womp). she's simply bhaal's god's favorite princess with her crew of scary dog privilege while she fights the voices. (and yes, this playthrough i am using mods. sue me.)

i also have two bard durge playthroughs (one as a tiefling, one as a half-elf), and one of them in a multiplayer campaign with my friend in which uh.... we're gonna do full on evil ! wish me luck !

#terrified of the full on evil playthrough and losing karlach and wyll #gonna have to fight for my life to keep gale as he's been assigned as my stray cat in our playthrough #also at this point just assume all my tavs romance astarion lmao #i keep saying i'll romance gale or shadowheart and then DON'T #he just gives me those puppy dog eyes and i'm back in the house ya know #my first playthrough had a lil chaos but nothing compared to the durge one so far dear lord lmao #i did end my first one with telling gale to just fuck off and ascend to godhood if he really wanted to because i was so tired of him asking #like bro you're not my problem anymore stop #I ALSO KILLED SHADOWHEART ON MY FIRST ONE I'M TRAUMATIZED #HOW DO I SAVE HER??? HELP???? #also i didn't get to keep halsin in my first playthrough because i didn't notice the quest for him #AND I LOST THE LAST LIGHT INN SO NO JAHEIRA BC SHE DIED IN BATTLE #I WENT FUCKING THROUGH IT Y'ALL #thank u ily #ghost plays bg3 #<- that'll be my tag for bg3 stuff #also yes seraphina is the one who fucked the mindflayer my bad my bad

[scrawnytreedemon]

I want to finish ALBW before I go talking about it... And I want to try and 100% it before then.

I have two heartpieces left.

One I have no idea where the fuck it's supposed to be,

And the other one is Octoball Derby.

#scrawny rambles #tloz #a link between worlds #albw #god fucking help me #octoball fucking DERBY 😭 #i know the basic controls i know technically what you're supposed to do #BUT THE TIMING IS TOO TIGHT FOR ANY ACTUAL PRECISION AND EVERY SHOT FEELS LIKE A HAIL-MARY #i FINALLY manage to get three pots. and then miss the fucking bird. #i need to get 100 to obtain that piece of heart. fuck yuo. #i've 100%'d the treacherous tower(save for that second go on advanced but that'll be a piece of cake) #but i cannot remember for the life of me obtaining the heartpiece you get for completing intermediate first time #even though i KNOW i must have there's simply no other way #i also remember doing both rupee-rushes but i'll do the hyrule one again if nothing else gives #god fucking help. I WANT TO FINISH THIS INCREDIBLE GAME SO BAD. #I WANT TO FISTFIGHT YUGA AT FULL HEALTH IS THAT SO HARD ????!?!!? #fuck YOU boarman i WILL get you i fucking PTOMISE #i'm keeping the typo a ptomise is a ptomise #watch the fuck out pygmalion fucking w a t c h it

[philcoulsonismyhero]

Spent this last week tired and in pain and I want to draw about it, but unfortunately aforementioned condition of being tired and in pain makes drawing impossible, so I guess I just have to suffer instead. Why this.

#i mean i know why this it's the hypermobility #but this is a new record for number of joints that hurt at once #hands and in particular thumbs; elbows; shoulders; and feet if i spend too long standing up #i can't currently use my thumbs because the thumb braces are the only thing stopping the pain getting worse #and that means no drawing because i can't hold a pencil #no piano or video games either which are other go-to distractions #i can't hold my phone properly #and i can only type in short bursts with fingers and no thumbs #i hate not being able to use my hands properly #the whole hypermobility thing has been causing me more and more problems lately and it sucks #i really need to get back to the doctor about it #but i'm so damn busy with work this month that i haven't had the time #and being so busy is just making things worse #driving is getting harder and i'm really worried that's going to become a problem #at least the thumb braces help with the pain #and physically prevent me from doing the things that'll make it worse #even if those things include. basically all of my hobbies #fuck this honestly #starting to come to terms with the fact that i am. a bit more physically disabled that previously assumed #happy disability pride month to me i guess :/ #personal stuff

[quickhacked]

pictures from mikhail's camera roll

#cp2077 #art:vincent #nuclearocs #nuclearart #i'm going to cry i love my babyboy so fucking much help #someone put me in a blender. that'll fix me surely #his smile... painted nails... i'm putting him in my pocket

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#delete later #hey haven't made a vent post in a while that's gotta be a good thing right #I dunno. got an appt in like a month and hopefully that'll fix me but until then...... #...sigh. tw for heavy shit for the rest of this don't read on unless you can manage with that kinda thing #is it like. nights? does my brain just shut down any level of dopamine response at night? is that it? #cuz fuck I spiral so fast. not 5 hours ago I was on cloud 9 cuddling a cute girl I may or may not have a- #anyway #now it's midnight. #and I just kind of want to carve my self awareness out of my body like a cancerous growth #and never be aware again #loneliness and jealousy and despair and self hatred and my god I can't really think of anything negative I *don't* feel #i just want it to stop #i wanna stop hurting every time I see them being so intimate with someone else I've already been rejected I need to get the fuck over mysel #ugh #I...... #i usually try to keep these vague cuz I know people follow me and despite my best efforts do tend to read these #part of me wants that? that cry for help I guess? some way to reach out without having to be vulnerable #on the other hand I don't want to guilt anyone or to make anyone feel bad for being happy cuz that's toxic as fuck #I.... I don't fuckin know I'm just kind of rambling now. #....I'll be fine eventually #maybe #god I can't even say that for certain anymore huh #what do i even do why can't i see the solution anymore #all that's there is 'stop feeling x emotion' and thats just not a reasonable thing to expect myself to be capable of #you can't just turn off your emotions as much as I wish I could #.......want to be held close and touched a lot and told it'll be ok and complimented and. wanted #want to be wanted. #.....sigh #.......i am wanted. I know I am. I know so many people want my attention that it's nearly impossible to keep up #so what the fuck is my deal why do I still want it so bad? what isn't clicking? why doesn't it fucking work

[izzy-b-hands]

One last fix it fic for rn (bc I need to go shower and try to nap a little lmao. Been putting it off bc I think changing activities is gonna make it Really Hit and Feel Real and well. I'm gonna be crying. But at least there's always fanfic.)

Mostly Blackhands with implied future potential steddyhands. Usual warning for s2 spoilers applies.

#text post #still not tired but I do feel a lil gnarly not having showered #that'll help and then fuck it i can put s1 back and on watch my boy #while i arrange as much of con's filmography as possible to watch whenever I'm not sleeping today #i knew the finale was gonna wreck me but fuck me i didn't fully expect it to be like this

[theflyingfeeling]

aaaarrghghgh 😭

#overthinking hurts my head how am i supposed to sleep tonight #why am i so stupid so stupid so stupid #when BC said PANIC PANIC PANIC i felt that lol #yes this is about the job situation again (see my post from yesterday) #i'm fairly hopeful that'll resolve itself when i call them and ask for another opportunity tomorrow morning #(my mom helped me come up with a convincing enough story about why i cancelled the interview lol) #but i'm so scared of my employement agency contact person hearing about this #in the best case scenario i could handle it by telling her i had to cancel due to personal reasons... #...but was lucky enough to get a new interview #and i feel i should contact her first before she notices they have opened that position for applications again #(she knows i applied for it so IF she notices this she might wonder WHY they have re-opened it #because if there's been qualified applicants (=me) they wouldn't have to do that) #in any case i'm so so scared she'll call the place and ask them if i really did apply and if i really do have an upcoming interview #if i do get another opportunity it's not gonna be a problem i hope (unless they tell her why i said i cancelled it #because in that case i'd probably have to actually tell the employment agency person the REAL reason why i cancelled) #in addition i'm scared of what it might look like to the people i'm hoping will hire me if someone from the employment agency calls them #to make sure their customer hasn't lied about applying and agreeing on an interview?! #that's gonna make me look sooooooo good lmao #to conclude. i'm screwed and a fucking idiot byeeee #(this is complicated i know sorry lol)

[ladyimaginarium]

when's it gonna be my turn?

ivan konstantinovich aivazovsky. / did you know that there's a tunnel under ocean boulevard? — lana del rey. / did you know that there's a tunnel under ocean boulevard? — lana del rey. / did you know that there's a tunnel under ocean boulevard? — lana del rey. / starry night over the rhône — vincent van gogh. / did you know that there's a tunnel under ocean boulevard? — lana del rey. / did you know that there's a tunnel under ocean boulevard? — lana del rey. / arthur kearns. / did you know that there's a tunnel under ocean boulevard? — lana del rey. / ivan konstantinovich aivazovsky.

#arcana.yearnposts #arcana.weaves #web weaving. #mine. #oh we're really in it now #g-d ..... i& can't help but ask that sometimes... #''i just wish i had a f.riend like him someone to help get me by'' & ''when's it gonna be my turn''? & ''don't forget me'' Fuck Me& Up™😭 #it's not bc im& desperate im& arospec it's just i& hate the feeling of y.earning & pining.... bc atp it seems like smth that'll never come. #& it's like the moment i& feel like im& so close to feeling so damn good w/ sb they either fuck off & leave or just find smth or sb better. #& regardless of what type of r.elationship it is im& literally always forgotten & im& tired of it. is being held & remembered 2 much 2 ask? #w/ some exceptions ofc !! #my& qpp is lovely but yeah!!

[arcaneyouth]

i'm gonna be real with you i don't know how much more bad news i can take

#negative #vent post #it's just suddenly hit me. wow shit's bad huh! #and i just have to keep going? #fucked up. what if things were nice #why's everything going to shit at once can we like . breathe for a minute #please #i can't even like. stave away the guilt of not doing anything to help by donating to funds that'll help people #i have 0 dollars #shaping up to be a bad and scary year i think. and yet i will keep making art and playing games and laughing with my friends

[leofrith]

girl......... NOT the realtor who worked for the couple who bought my apartment and jacked up the rent so much i couldn't afford to stay there adding me to his fucking email list without my permission

#ooooooh i wanna kill this little fucker with my bare hands #yes all toronto landlords need to d*e but you know who else needs to d*e? toronto realtors 🥰 #the fucking audacity on this guy #sorry like I'm in shock. trying to decide whether i REALLY want to email him with a piece of my mind or if i just need to breathe #jesus christ #like yeah sure let me give you a nice commission on that $600 000 town house that'll probably sell for a few hundred thousand over asking #after you helped leave me houseless. eat shit and die. #ooooooooooh my god lmao #ky posts text