#asking a genius basic questions for his iq test to prove you’re smarter when you don’t even know the answer

[mr-smith-stories]

IQ Test #1 Leonard Philips

Leonard Philips opened the door slowly and stepped into the room. It was a little alcove, with a polished wooden arch extending from the wall above the bookcase. On the bookshelf were volumes of psychology and economics, in addition to philosophy. There was a table in the center of the room where a man by the name of Mr. Smith sat, a thirty something year old tall lanky man with sand colored hair. Mr. Smith was there to give Leo an IQ test today- Leo had previously scored 190 on the test, and at 16 years of age was already a senior at MIT, but people weren’t convinced Leo was actually a genius. The purpose of this test was to double check that fact.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Smith,” Leo said congenially. “How are you?”

“Not well,” Replied Mr. Smith.

Leo was taken aback. “And why is that?” He asked.

“Because you’re here,” Mr. Smith snarled.

“What do you mean?” Asked Leo.

“I have to give these IQ tests to you stuck up jerks every f-ing day. You all think you’re so much better than me. I bet you think you’re really clever, don’t you Jack?”

“My name is Leonard-“ Leonard began.

“Don’t interrupt me! You think I’m stupid, don’t you?”

“I never said that,” Leonard said. “Maybe we should get started on the test.”

“I thought we could just play Jenga instead. I bet you’re not smart enough to beat me at Jenga. I came in one hundredth place at a tournament last weekend. There were a lot of us too- one hundred and twelve.”

“We’re not here to play Jenga, I just want to take my IQ test.” Leonard said.

“Fine,” Said Mr. Smith. “Sit down, you stuck up intellectual jerk.”

“O-kay,” Leo said, pulling out a metal chair and sitting down.

“First test- spell go.”

“Go?” Asked Leo.

“Yes, spell go. I know it’s a hard word to spell, which is why I’M the genius here. I’m a good speller.”

“G-o.” Said Leo.

“Wrong. It’s N-g-o. The “n” is silent.” Said Mr. Smith smugly.

“That’s not how you spell “go.”” Leo said.

“Don’t contradict me! I’m perfectly qualified to give this IQ test! I made it all the way through Elementary School.”

“Do you mean you never even made it to Middle School?”

“Shut up! I dropped out of middle school! It was too hard and it was my dream to work on a puppy farm!”

“Did you work on a puppy farm?”

“No, but I did work at McDonald’s for fifteen years before I got this job.”

“Ok.” Leo said. “Please continue the test.”

“Spell “go” backwards,”

“Are you serious?” Asked Leo. “O-g.”

“Wrong. It’s K-o-g. The k is silent.”

“Why does it have different letters spelled backwards?” Asked Leo. “That makes no sense.”

“That’s how my parents taught me to spell at eight years old. My Dad’s really smart. He works on a puppy farm cleaning up the puppy excrement. That’s why it’s my dream if this doesn’t pan out.”

“That’s not something to aspire to,” Said Leo.

“Let’s move on to math, so- called- genius. What’s one plus one?”

“Two. How do you expect me not to know this?”

“Wrong, Einstein. It’s fourteen.” Smith said with a cocky laugh. “I’M a genius.”

“One plus one is not fourteen!” Leo exclaimed in frustration. “How do you even have this job? You don’t know what you’re doing.”

“My parents blackmailed the university into giving me this job. They said if I didn’t get it, they would tell everyone that the dean watches Dancing With The Stars.”

“Why is that a bad thing?” Asked Leo.

“My Dad convinced the dean it doesn’t make him a real man.”

“That’s absurd,” Said Leo.

“Well, it got me the job. Next test- vocabulary. Define the word ‘turtle.’”

“It’s an animal with a shell-“ Started Leo.

“Wrong! Turtles have a lot of fur and four legs, and sort of long necks. They can be found in a petting zoo.”

“I think you mean a “llama.”” Said Leo.

“I don’t know what that is,” Said Mr. Smith.

“Ok,” Leo said. “Please continue.”

“Test five- how do you get away with murder?”

“What?” Asked Leo.

“If you can’t answer it you’re not a genius, I’M a genius.”

“I’m not answering that. I don’t know why you would even ask that.” Leo said.

“I can do it. I have dead bodies in my refridgerator. I had to take all the food out to make room and now it’s all spoiled. I’m not really sure why.”

“Why have you not been arrested?” Asked Leo. “You’ve KILLED people!”

“My Dad bribed the cops to look the other way. He brings them snacks every day. They don’t do a thing.”

“That’s horrible!”

“Next question. Tell me every single digit in pi, including the undiscovered ones, or you’re not a genius.”

“It goes on forever!”

“Then you’ll just have to go on forever, or you’re not that smart.”

“I’m leaving,” Leo said. “This is ridiculous.”

“Then you’re no genius!” Mr. Smith yelled as Leo got up to leave. Then he said in a singsong voice, “Leo’s not a genius! Leo’s not a genius!”

“Whatever, you freak,” Leo said, and walked out of the room while Mr. Smith giggled and stuck out his tongue.

Fin.

***

#funny story #parodies #humour #mr. smith #silly story #idiot meets a genius #asking a genius basic questions for his iq test to prove you’re smarter when you don’t even know the answer #lying about the results of a genius’s iq test out of jealousy and deeply rooted rage