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goldenchan-fx2thepeacock · 3 years

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Don’t Go Running Off Into Danger, Even If I Do pt 3

Hek. I woke up today and found that my FNP phic has 41 notes and my DGROIDEIID phic is gaining attention and reblogs; holy shit. And I woke up at noon. It’s Saturday. I sleep in on such days. Anyways. Last I checked, Val and Danny were gonna go get Dani, but we need some Dip and Mabs action cause I forgot last night. I will probably develop an uploading schedule later. For now, just have random updates. I might even make a side blog for this shit.

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Chapter 3

Dipper stood off in the background as Danny got into an argument with a dracula ghost. By the amount of times he heard Plasmius, this must’ve been Vlad. Danny looked pissed when he finished. He still took Dipper and Mabel to their classes, but when they tried to find him at lunch, he was absent. “I wonder where he is?” Mabel pondered. “I’m sure he just had something to do,” Dipper replied. Some guy walked up to their table. “Hey, you’re the kids Fenton is touring. Listen, he’s Phantom and I have proof!” “And you are?” Mabel said patiently. “Wes Weston. Listen, you gotta believe me!” “We legit just moved here, we have no clue what you’re talking about. Leave us alone,” Dipper said. Wes looked taken aback. “Fine! Fenton better worry. I will expose him. I just need more proof,” Wes stalked off. Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look. “Should we be worried?” He asked Mabel. “He seems to have it under control,”

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Danny stared off into the daylight as they flew. Val set down. “Come on. She’s fine. Why are you losing it?” “Just a certain Wisconsin Ghost told me about you keeping her,” “Vlad?” “Wait, you know?” “I’ve known since I met Dani,” “Jeez. I’ve known since I met the guy during my parents college reunion. I’m still pissed at him for that whole invisble wall fiasco,” “That was him?” “Yeah. I mean, I started it, but he kept trying to get in my mom’s pants. I needed to put him down a peg,” “You made his wall invisble!?” “Yeah. But it’s not like being naked on camera is going to tell the public any secrets,” “I’m confused. Why do care so much?” “It’s nothing,” Danny grunted. They were headed to the basement. “It seems to be something,” “I have things I’d prefer not to reveal to the entire school,” “No one saw your dick. You managed to catch it in time,” Val was confused. Danny laughed. “Hey Val. Why would a guy have a female clone? Oh right. I forgot to tell you. Dani is more or less my clone because Vlad was being extra creepy,” “Weird. So she isn’t your cousin. Wait. OH MY GOD! Danny, I understand completely. If Dash knew, you’d be dead meat,” Val caught on quickly. Danny couldn’t but laugh at the dead meat. “Hey! What’s funny?” “I am dead meat Val!” “I’m an idiot. Anyways, we’re here,” She opened the basement door. Dani was sitting on the couch. “Danny? Val? What’re you guys doing here. Shit, sorry Danny,” “It’s fine. She knows,” “Who else knows anyways?” Val said. “You, Jazz, Tucker, Sam and literally all the ghosts,” “Vlad included?” “Vlad included,” “And Amity Park can’t connect the dots?” “No one knows Danny Phantom has a human life. I’d be seriously pissed if someone told the general public,” “That’s fair. Anyways. We’re here because a certain Dracula cosplayer told Danny you were in danger,” Val said. Danny snorted. “Dracula cosplayer? I have to use that on him,” “Why would anyone think that’s a good look?” “My ‘dad’,” Dani said. Thus causing both her and Danny to break out in laughter. “Where does the whole cousin thing come in?” Val asked. “My ‘Unkie Vlad’. It’s his way of making me family,” “Unkie?” Val looked lost. “I like being a little bitch to him,” “He deserves it! You should expose him,” “If I expose Plasmius, Masters exposes Phantom,” “Oh jeez,” “And there is a very good reason not to expose Phantom. And they wear way too much white,” Dani said quietly. “I’d prefer not to get dissected,” Danny said haughtily. “They already want to,” Val made a noise of disgust. “How could anyone with a set of morals do that?” “Heh. I’m a ghost. Not really real to most of the world. I don’t have feelings. Don’t feel pain,” Danny repeated what the ghost hunters had told him way too many times. “That sounds awful, but we should get back to school. Cya Dani!” Val waved and put on her helmet. “Hey, wanna leave the quick way?” “What do you mea- AAAAAAAH!” Val screamed as Danny made them both go intangible and up through the roof. “Never. Do that again,” “Hey, at least you didn’t end up going through the table and random floors and get banned from handling anything fragile,” “I’m confused,” “When these powers first came in, I was stuck dropping everything. From my pants to beakers,” “Oh jeez. So, why aren’t nerd and nerdette with you?” “Tucker had to go see a doctor out of town and Sam’s mom took her to this convention thing. They’ll be back tomorrow,” “No comment on the nicknames?” “They’ve been called worse,” Danny shrugged. “And I’ve been shoved in way too many lockers to care,” “I have one last question. Why on earth would you try to date me when I was trying to kill you? And why did you destroy the suit when I could’ve been inside?” “That’s two questions. But Fenton and Phantom needed a distinction, and I knew you weren’t inside. Technus was controlling the suit,” “You are a mystery,” “I’d like to keep it that way,” “You won’t tell anyone my secret if I don’t tell anyone both of yours?” “That makes it sound like you’re going to tell one of them,” “That’s not what I meant,” “We need to come up with an excuse as to why The Red Huntress suddenly has a truce with Phantom,” “Later. I need coffee,” “I couldn’t agree more,” The plume of blue air showed up. “OH COME ON!” “What,” “I have to deal with something,” Danny sped off.

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Dipper and Mabel looked at the chaos in the caf. “Students! Hide under tables! Ghost Hunters and/or Phantom will be here soon,” Mr Lancer yelled into a megaphone. “Already here!” Someone yelled. A flash of white said Phantom. There was blue ghost throwing boxes around. “I am the BOX GHOST!” It yelled. “Yeah, we know. Just say it already,” “I will win this fight with boxes of... spoons! BEWARE!” “Don’t you know not to bring a spoon to a knife fight?” “You do not have a knife!” “No, but I do have a thermos!” Phantom pulled out a green and grey thermos and flipped the lid. “I will not stay in your cylindrical object!” “Looks like you’re gonna have to,” Phantom pressed a button and a beam of light came out of the thermos and sucked the Box Ghost inside. “Is everyone okay?” Kids pushed out from under the tables. “Phantom! Will you sign my book?” Dash said. This must be a cruel joke. “Ghost boy! The Fenton Peeler is back in action,” “Whoops, gotta go!” Phantom dashed off as Jack and Maddie Fenton came rushing in. “Darn it. Missed him again,” They ran off. Danny walked into the caf and ran over to them. “You guys are lucky that your first ghost attack was the Box Ghost. Harmless,” “Doesn’t look very harmless to me! That’s gotta’ve been at least a level 5,” Dipper opened the journal. “Nah. Box is a solid 2. Hardly a step up from an ectopus. Might get concerned if Desiree shows up. She’s a level 5,” “What’re you?” “We more or less tested it. Pretty sure I’m a 7,” “That means they aren’t a big concern to you most days,” “Mmm. King Pariah was a level 10. That was terrifying. Vlad’s an 8. Convinced he’s a 9,” “Okay,” “Skulker gets to be a 6 on a technicality. Without the suit, he’s a 1. He can be an 8 on a bad day. I think Frostbite is a 9. He won’t bother you guys though. Dan must’ve been a 9, but I’m not going into that. Technus is an 8, but can be a 10 if he gets his hands on the right tech. Clockwork is an 11, which technically doesn’t exsist, but Clockwork breaks the mold. He won’t bother you unless you end up destroying the world in the future,” Danny shivered. “Who’s Dan?” Mabel looked confused. “Nobody. Just a horrible way to learn not to cheat on tests,” Danny shivered again. “But that’s not important. I didn’t cheat on the CAT,” “Your life seems more hectic than Gravity Falls sometimes,” Dipper said. “Where is that? I’ve never heard of it,” “Oregan. Never Mind All That,” He knew the rules. “You know, the way you say that is kinda creepy,” “We’d be breaking the law if we told you why,” “Jesus. Well, it’s not like we’ll get another Pariah unless an idiot thinks it’s a good idea. He’ll never get his hands on the crown of Fire,” “Time Out,” Dipper and Mabel looked around. “Umm, CW, why aren’t they out with everyone else?” “They’ve met Cipher. At this point, I cannot pause time for them,” “Eh, whatever. Mason, Mabel, this is Clockwork. What’d you need?” “I actually came to speak to you about the Crown of Fire. In defeating Pariah, you gained ownership,” “I, uh, did what now?” “Gained ownership of the Crown. Though in your case, it would be the Crown of Ice,” Clockwork repeated. Danny looked lost. “I don’t need to be the King of the Ghost Zone,” “Someone must take the place. It’s your duty,” Danny looked like he was about to have a full on panic attack. “Can it wait?” “Two years is a long wait as is,” “B-but it went thousands of years before!” “Because they failed to remove the crown and it wasn’t a singular person,” “What’s two years in the Ghost Zone? As far as I’m concerned, that doesn’t seem like a long time. Walker was gonna give me a thousand year prison sentence,” “You get some time, but I’ll tell you, if you take the crown, the Ghost Zone enters an era of peace unprecedented,” “Danny, what’s happening,” Mabel asked. Danny snapped and started hyperventilating. “I can’t. No. Why? I just wanted to keep the world safe! Is that too much to ask?” “Daniel, you do get time to think about it. Just remember, time can pass however fast or slow I want it too,” “Right, of course. Cya CW,” “Time In,”

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Danny trudged home. Exhaustion and anxiety gripped him. Mason and Mabel had been concerned, but he wasn’t about to explain everything. He’d talk to Sam and Tucker tomorrow. It didn’t help that he’d had gym after lunch. At least there wasn’t any more disappearing walls. “Danny! How was school?” Mom asked as he walked in the door. “Great!” Danny said and rushed upstairs. He’d deal with The Box Ghost in a minute. Jazz stood in his doorway. She didn’t know about Dan, but she did know about Pariah. “Danny, is everything okay?” “No, everything is not okay!” “What happened? Is it Dash again? We should report him,” “It’s not just that. You remember the Pariah incident?” “Yeah, you don’t just forget that,” “Well, turns out that by beating him, I ‘gained ownership’ to the crown,” “That doesn’t sound bad exactly,” “It’s horrible!” “How?” “I just wanna be a kid, ya know? It’s hard enough living a double life, but ruling the Ghost Zone? I’d have no chance to do anything remotely useful in the human world,” “You wouldn’t need to. If you ruled the Ghost Zone, ghosts wouldn’t come here anymore,” “The King can’t enforce rules in the Human World. It’s just scary,”

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Aight, that’s a chapter, I guess. The ideas tend to come from random places, and my brain is running out of ideas. I need to do another “planning session” which is coming up with scenarios in my head to make sure they make sense.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #jazz fenton #maddie fenton #jack fenton #dipper pines #mabel pines #clockwork #crown of fire #gravity falls #crossover #trans!danny #trans!dipper #dash baxter #valerie gray #danielle (dani) phantom #bill cipher (mentioned)

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echelondetectivesblog · 3 years

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What makes someone think it is acceptable to stalk a celebrity?

In terms of disappointment when in regards to someone famous, at what point does your anger, disappointment, and vitriol become unhealthy?

Well for starters, when you have surrounded your whole existence in running hate pages and blogs. 🤯 That is when you have a few options. You can and should seek professional help. Or if you think it's acceptable to dictate who they should date, what they do, or eat. When you speculate they are groomed and treated poorly because of their age or inexperience level. When you think it's OK to tell everyone you're married to them or even have kids with them or better yet, when you stalk their girlfriends and friends in hopes to gather information to there-by use against them to attempt to poison their fanbase against them. This type of stalking is really no different then the one who would attempt to contact the celebrity by means of showing up at their home professing their love. Or for the kind who will follow them and shoot them in a dark ally. Ie: Mark David Chapman.

It's meant to harm the celebrity. The stalker is angry and wishes to cause that celebrity pain. What better way then to "kill" them, physically.or figuratively, or spread poison and manipulate their fan base against them?

A stalker who targets public figures doesn't necessarily have the same motives as someone who stalks an ex.

Now some will say they were triggered to hate these celebs by their "lies and games." I am not sure what these lies and games are, but I feel like they missed the part where this is the famous persons chosen profession and their job is to "entertain " you. They have chosen to be in the "entertainment business. Yes I SAID BUSINESS. Just as you may have chosen to be a lawyer, or a secretary. Or even maybe a nurse or school teacher. However they have NOT chosen to involve you in every part of their life. Just because the celeb choses to keep their private life private, some people feel they have a right to speculate, ridicule, drag, and flat out bully them. It's absolutely mental and unwell. When you have found yourself analyzing floor tiles and background items, just to prove someone is with them? You may have become an obsessed, crazy & dangerous stalker.

Since when did it become accepted behavior online or otherwise to bully someone? I find it incredibly interesting that so many people find it absolutely ok to contribute to these people's behavior under the guide that they to, have somehow been "wronged" because the human being that is the celebrity, didn't live up to their fantasy or expectations. But yet if someone did this to you or your child, the teacher. The principle, or your Human Resources Department would know immediately, because you wouldn't tolerate it. But somehow a celebrity, (who, let's face it, doesn't even know you exsist,) should be acceptable to berate and bully. Because why? Why is it OK TO EVER bully another human being regardless of their chosen profession? Somehow being a celebrity shields them from this? I doubt that.

Who a celebrity dates, marries or even loves Is not any of your business. Go ahead amd justify it by claimg its a gossip blog or its all in fun, have a sense of humor and laugh at the circus.....

It's not funny. It's mean, cruel, harmful to their reputation & lets face it, manipulative.

Stalkers feel they have a right to invade the celebrities life, and comment about these celebrities to start rumors, speculation, spread hate. Because let's face it how do you harm someone? You destroy them. Most effective way? Destroy their ability to market themselves for employment. Be it in Hollywood or the Music industry, or at your local Supermarket or Lawyers office. Your reputation is ultimately the seller. Do something stupid or put out a lackluster album, say the wrong thing to someone, or touch someone in a way that could be perceived as inappropriate and its curtains. Especially nowadays. Fact of the matter is no one, not even celebrities, are perfect. We all do and say stupid things. Most of us are forgiven and continue marching on in life. But those who are famous are held to a different, yet unattainable, standard where it is next to impossible to be treated with the same respect. Instead they get "cancelled" and most stalkers, want to see the mighty fall & fall hard. That is when they are finally entertained.

Take Chrissy Teigen for example. Who's willingness to admit her own guilt in bullying another model, had her many endorsements and projects cancelled and Target even removed her cookware from their website as well as Macy's & Bloomingdale's! Not to mention losing a TV show! Is she not allowed to be apologetic and carry on? She should be applauded for coming clean and setting the proper example for her children. Not punished. The worst I have seen is those who comment on her socials indicating how she deserved to loose her baby & that they hope she suffers for all eternity. That is just downright horrific & cruel. To even suggest ANYONE deserves that is just beyond reprehensible.

However joe public can run bullying hate blogs and that is accepted? And you can contribute and you don't loose your job? ( None of these Social Media platforms including this one, will remove them because there is not a threat of physical harm. Insanity.) In our society, it used to be that common respect for another human being was demanded, expected & the norm. Nowadays, the norm is to bully, shame, degrade, & destroy. Its now wonder there is a mental health crisis. How it ever becamr acceptable to tear down another person simply because you do not enjpy their work or you disagree with their beliefs, I for one will never comprehend. Kindness is a commodity. Cruelty and Mental illness has become acceptable. (Not shocking Suicide, is the 10th leading cause of death and Depression and Anxiety is the trigger)

For example, the "Rejected" stalker is usually someone who knew or had some sort of previous relationship with the celebrity be it romantic or business related. They usually have inside knowledge and access to the celebrity.

The "Resentful" Stalker is generally the most common type. This is the jealous one, who deep down wants what the celebrity has. The money, the applause and adulation. The girlfriend (or boyfriend) . The awards and respect & love they never received as children. They often project their anger outwardly in a destructive manner. Ie: hate blogs and speculative rumors amoung the fanbase, anger and vitriol.

The "Intimacy seeker" is usually delusional. (Erotomania) fixated on their celebrity of choice, they often believe they are entitled to, or already have, a relationship with the celebrity, be it romantic 0r professional. These are the ones who are EXTREMELY volatile and dangerous as they will do and harm anyone or anything, who the feel is coming between them and their object of affection. The Intimacy Seeker, is the one who sneaks into the celebrities home, and bedroom. They are well known for manipulating others into their delusions and gaslighting them into thinking they are crazy for not believing them.

In some forms, this would also describe the stalker who feels entitled to every aspect of the celebrities personal life and who will analyze floor tiles, backrounds, and surrounding friends in an effort to identify anyone who may be deemed a "threat" to their love interest. They will also stalk or threaten, make rude comments to, or physically and verbally attack anyone they do not approve of or who identifies them. In an effort to "destroy" the relationship and manipulate everyone else into believing only them. They often attempt to isolate their prey by bullying and gaslighting anyone who is a fan of them.

The "Help" seeker stalker is the type who is not yet resentful, but has become so desperate, they look to their celebrity for help with some problem in their life. Be it a job in the industry or otherwise, they look to the object of affection for guidance. When they do not receive their expected result, they tend to become resentful or angry and it can manifest into other forms of stalking. Most of Gen Pop will be hurt and stop supporting the actor/actress/ musician and move on. Unfortunately not everyone has the Mental Capacity to do so.

The "Incompetent " suitor. Well...they generally just make a fool of themselves by attempting to romance their target with inept courtship antics which become increasingly disturbing over time such as sending them a vial of your blood or maybe a severed ear? If that doesn't work, maybe try showinf up at their house to entice them into an afternoon at a barbie convention? 🤯

I could go on listing the differemt types of classified stalkers in the Mental Health spectrum but I think you, the reader, get the general point.

Those who run, write, or contribute to these "hate blogs & pages" make distasteful and disturbing comments on a celebs profile or comment under their girlfriends pictures, can sit back and justify their abhorent behavior & comments/lies by saying these celebrities create their own hate by behaving as they do, by making a bad movie, or a lackluster album, by saying one thing and maybe doing another because it works better for them. Or even cancelling an appearance due to illness or because they just need a dam break, maybe even due to a pandemic. Thus adding fule to the Stalkers "fire". They can get mad all they want. Call them names to degrade them, stomp their feet like a petulant child all they wish. They can even point out the errors in poor judgement on the celebs part. As the consumer they have a right to say where they spend their money. They have that choice. Ie: WALK AWAY if you are unhappy and move on with your life.

What is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE is tearing another person down for their work, digging up their personal life, and home address and plastering it all over their hate blogs in the hopes that someone will take that information and harm them. (Just because its on a real estate site does not give them the right to endanger another human being) Tracking down all their friends and associates. Degrading their friends, the clothes they wear, the food they eat, and the fact that they are associated with said celebrities, making assumptions ahout their relationship status, (which is not their business) degrading their choice in partners, and business associates. Making rude, degrading and cruel comments on their friends/girlfriends pages, accusing them of rumors and elicit things they truly have zero knowledge of, (& just because its on the internet does not mean its true) or even going so far as to harrass their employees to share their thoughts on how their choice of romantic partners upsets them, how they just "know" they are going to jail if they don't "get rid" of them quick.

The Stalkers can even degrade the celebrities fanbase for supporting them. Ridiculing those who purchase merch regularly, buy multiple VIP experiences because they can and they want to, go to multiple shows on a tour, defend that celebrity in the wake of the hate & pretty much support everything their object of destruction produces. Verbally attacking them and even their families. In am effort to paint themselves as the logical and sane person.

This somehow is meant, in their eyes, the members of the celebrities fanbase less then worthy of respect, or human kindness & a threat to their master plan of all encompassing destruction & slowing the opportunity to watch a fanbase "burn"

What this doesn't change is the FACT that the stalker needs Mental Health assistance. The FACT that the stalker IS Clinically unwell and that FACT is that these people are Dangerous. Do your part and report them, to the Social Media platforms they run on, to the Authorities when appropriate, and to any celebrity handlers you can. Avoid commenting or posting on these pages or blogs, your efforts will be futile as they will always try to justify their behavior by picking apart your comments and gaslighting you at every turn. Do not let evil in.

To those who have committed suicide because of the pain, we loved you. You are in our prayers. To those suffering from depression and suicidal ideas, you ARE LOVED. Please do not take your life. You ARE worthy. YOU are beautiful. #RIP

To those who stalk and bully......I hope you someday realize the pain you cause.

#celebritystalkers

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thewoodbine · 5 years

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Update: Im considering turning off anon

And this is why:

I have noticed a considerable difference in quality of questions & tone when I get messages from people who's names are on it. I can also give better answers and have context if they send me another Ask. For the intimate and high communicative style In which this blog operates I feel it is more appropriate.

Here are a few things to comfort you if you're an anon asker:

I promise I do not judge you guys, and if I do I just say it publicly but also with the mindset that my opinion means literally nothing more than my opinion on what was specifically addressed. So even if I disapprove of an Ask or a topic, it doesnt mean I dissaprove of you.

There is no question too silly, I promise Ive responded to a lot of weird or repetative stuff on here I should have ignored.

I also have people who publicly send me a lot of questions and I'm totally fine with that too! Its good to be curious!

The only thing I dont want in my inbox is you guys beating yourselves up or apologizing for existing. I dont know what your backgrounds are and why you have been denied the ability to express yourself or ask questions in the past, but that shaming no longer exsist here.

Notice: If I do disable anon feature, please know that you can always let me know that you want a private response and I will always respect that! No questions asked. (Unless its hate in which I was publicly display you on a pyre)

Any thoughts or strong objections? Would you guys be cool with this arrangement?

~ ☀

#e #update #anon #ask box

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crittervolocity · 5 years

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So...

I kinda wanna post an update since the holidays are over and my life isnt shit for once.

So i got a computer/tablet for Christmas and is where my three recent doodles came from. Ive been exploring with it and realized that now i can make comics and upload them to WebToon.

I would love to do this but ... i fear that it might end up being like my au's, which everyone seems to forget or not know about due to really popular ships/writers/artists who dont care and have zero regards that other au's exsist.

As ive said on my fic blog, "i would love to continue FreakShow AU, add new characters, give more background, but ive noticed that no one ever responds or sends asks about it.

This is with all of my au's at this point, do any of you know about ZABBSAU? Trauma Au? How about Guardian AU or Protection AU? Not to mention DotM AU, the one i was working on? You probably dont, cuz no one asks or cares if it exists.

Srry for ranting, but this is the main reasons why im not continuing most of my au's, Trauma Au is probably the only one i will update. If you do want the other au's, send asks or comment on them or reblogging helps ...

#critter chats #au shit

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girlmedusa · 4 years

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How do I gain self esteem and confidence when both of my mom and dad have non exsistent self esteem? Really struggling and find myself getting into bad pattens in my life all aspects (career, dating, making friends). Here is some background, my mom grew up in a large catholic family with 10 siblings two great supportive emotionally available parents her father worked only mother didn’t, my mom has made it very clear that she doesn’t like herself (talks about her weight constantly, how much she eats, how she’s not pretty, needs plastic surgery, etc) and she always talks about growing up feeling overweight and bad about herself...my dad grew up in a completely different household he had divorced parents no religion he lived with his dad who wasn’t emotionally available according to what my mom says neither was his mom and moved a lot...he has a lot of mental issues I believe has an eating disorder, anxiety, alcoholic, self image issues. has been diagnosed with narcissistic disorder through my mom going to see a concelor about him, that and him cheating that led to them getting a divorce...I am now 22 (they got a divorce this year and feel pretty bad I keep on liking men that just want to use me and have a hard time believing in myself. Any advise? I know this is long I need some input on what to do💕

my best advice? do not depend on a tumblr blog for this kind of thing. do not depend on a friend for this either. you need to speak to a trained professional about this. this is a lot of weight to unload and as much as people might want to help, they have their own to carry.

so i beg of you, do not ask a tumblr blog for a one shot all encompassing answer when this requires regulated sessions with a trained professional. everything you listed can not be answered by me and me alone. i hope you understand this.

#asks #anons

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lokbobpop · 4 years

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Day 1

So I’m very excited to start this 21 days as it’s something I really want to get over my lack of confidence I’m fed up of having no confidence and the only confidence that does seem to exsist is linked to my ego which is such a shame only living confidence there and not being confident from a place of ease.

I want to chat on social chats with confidence maybe do a vlog with confidence and break through that fear, the main thing that holds me back are my blank stops where I don’t know what to say or do, I have nothing to express because I can’t find anything slightly intelligent to say lol so I want to work through what I’m going to do when this comes up.

But to be truthful after looking forward to this day for the last couple of weeks today I just didn’t want to do it which means to me I really have to do it now as if a resist it’s will persist these moments are the best to show you where you stop yourself and as soon as I started writing I was fine but just imagine if I thought hey tomorrow will be ok I’ll start then, and then tomorrow the next day and the next day so here I am :)

Why don’t you have any confidence

Because I get things wrong and I don’t like being judged for getting it wrong by myself or others

Why

Because I feel humiliated small worthless

Why

Because I was wrong and looked stupid now in the eyes of others

Why

Because I know they will being thing about that because that’s what I would think!

So maybe if I change the way I think about myself that will be the only thing that really matters here because all the rest is just a belief and only an assumption and if it is true and they do how do I let that affect me fearing what others think well if I start with me and get confidence I won’t care what other think because I’m coming from a confident stable place and that’s all I need to be.

I love the way I can’t talk to people because I fear I might go blank and not know what to say and would before to stand there and not say a word to participate in the conversation because I fear not being good enough and or judge by them as stupid.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief I can’t talk to people because I fear I might go blank and not know what to say and would before to stand there and not say a word to participate in the conversation because I fear not being good enough and or judge by them as stupid.

I love the way I never chat on social groups and just hide in the background reading and juding without I feel consequences because hiding is easier then putting myself out there especially when I see another crash and burn.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the fear never chat on social groups and just hide in the background reading and juding without I feel consequences because hiding is easier then putting myself out there especially when I see another crash and burn.

I love the way I tell myself I can’t do video blogs because I look and sound awful and have no real context to share they other don’t already know so what’s the point and I like the way I judge myself as old and ugly when looking at the video afterwards

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief and fear I can’t do video blogs because I look and sound awful and have no real context to share they other don’t already know so what’s the point and I like the way I judge myself as old and ugly when looking at the video afterwards

I love the way I never tell anybody my real point of view because I fear there’s might be different and they might not like me for mine or get angry at me because of mine and want to argue/fight about this point and I be able to respond because I’ll go blank with fear and look and feel stupid.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief and fear I never tell anybody my real point of view because I fear there’s might be different and they might not like me for mine or get angry at me because of mine and want to argue/fight about this point and I be able to respond because I’ll go blank with fear and look and feel stupid.

I love the way I now think I’ve wasted my life on fear and I’ll never change this fear now it’s to ingrained in my being and can see a way out it’s just a brilliant starting point to getting nowhere and doing nothing about it like just living in the shadows unnoticed and fearful and believe this is the safest place for me to be because o know nothing and I’m stupid.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thoughts I’ve wasted my life on fear and I’ll never change this fear now it’s to ingrained in my being and can see a way out it’s just a brilliant starting point to getting nowhere and doing nothing about it like just living in the shadows unnoticed and fearful and believe this is the safest place for me to be because o know nothing and I’m stupid.

I love the way when I’m around people who I’ve categorized as being more intelligent than myself I go into complete dread and fear they will find out I’m not and fell awful about myself and who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief when I ’m around people who I’ve categorized as being more intelligent than myself I go into complete dread and fear they will find out I’m not and fell awful about myself and who I am.

I love the way I judge myself and life as pointless because I never accomplish anything great because of my lack of confidence and never got a career because I’ve always believed I’m thick stupid

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting that I judge myself and life as pointless because I never accomplish anything great because of my lack of confidence and never got a career because I’ve always believed I’m thick stupid

I love the way I’m not sorting out chris and mines retirement because I’m not confident enough I feel to do it on my own and believe all I will do will be to waste money and and make the problem even worse and just believe doing nothing is better than getting it wrong.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thoughts of and beliefs I’m not sorting out chris and mines retirement because I’m not confident enough I feel to do it on my own and believe all I will do will be to waste money and and make the problem even worse and just believe doing nothing is better than getting it wrong.

I love the way when I’m out I try to say as little as possible so the other person doesn’t find out I’m English because I fear they will start having a go at me for being a pommie and I should just go home and will just say yes and no answers when I’m out in public.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief that when I’m out I try to say as little as possible so the other person doesn’t find out I’m English because I fear they will start having a go at me for being a pommie and I should just go home and will just say yes and no answers when I’m out in public.

I love the way I have no confidence when around people with authority like police or people of importance and actually feel scared in there presence because I feel they will try to get me as they know something about me and I’m in big trouble when I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong but check myself to see if I have just Incase.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the belief I have no confidence when around people with authority like police or people of importance and actually feel scared in there presence because I feel they will try to get me as they know something about me and I’m in big trouble when I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong but check myself to see if I have just Incase.

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deppressed-indie-kid · 5 years

Text

“The rest of us just live here”

-Patrick Ness

My whole life is filled with scandals involving sex, drugs, inhibitions, bullying, the lot. It’s like every week there’s a new smear campaign against the latest ‘it girl’ or the hottest boys of the senior years. No joke, could actually make a whole real life ‘Gossip Girl’ blog and we don’t even need the rich Upper East Siderers to keep it going. It’s like a movie.

Trouble is, I don’t think I got a part. I don’t just mean the main role, I feel totally isolated and left out. All the scandals rushing around the school and home and yet I have no stance in them. Sometimes I’m even a friend of the star of this week’s episode and yet no one even seems to notice me. Everyday I hear about something new and exciting, not always even bad and yet they never seem to involve me, even when I’m there when the shit hits the fan it’s like I’m an extra, if that. I’m not even there to support the chracters or reinforce the plot, I simply exsist to get lost in the inbetween. I’m not the straight A student aiming for Trinity or Oxford, and I’m not the failing mess, denying my desperation to find some kind of path in life. I’m not the athletic jock or the bullied loner. Not the best and not the worst at anything. I’m just average. I’m just there to fill in the the empty spaces in college applications and school rolls. Just another faceless being set to walk through life never expecting anything.

Even when I’m the centre of a scandal, like when I was the cheated on my boyfriend, or when I got so high I fell out a window and went missing for a whole day, or when I tried to kill myself, nothing. Should someone else have done this the school would’ve been buzzing, a new houshold name proping up in the judgemental gardening clubs of Kinsale and the PTA members. The freshest blast of inducing gossip. But no. Nothing. No one talks, no one spreads, no one cares enough to talk.NOt even my friends seem to know about it unless they were there, even still they forget almost by the next day. Not interesting enough to make it to No one cares enough for it to be ‘gossip’.

I’m not the loser of the school, I’m not the peak of high school popularity. I’m I’m background, I’m nothing

Now some may call this a blessing. Ask me why I’m so upset about it, I should be taking advantage of it. I can do what I want right? Right? No. Have you ever felt so invisible that you could literally die and the only reason anyone would notice is because no one’s there to answer the role? If I died tomorrow would it even be an on-screen death?

Not that I think I’m the only one, there’s lots of us, just stranded extras in someone else’s movie, neither protagonists nor antagonists. Just empty faces to fill in the crowd. While they’re off creating drama and taking all the screen time, the rest of us are just left to live here.

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