#basically a teacher today told me I did the homework wrong and then implied I copied it from my friend who made the same mistake | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

takerfoxx · 3 years

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Well, in honor of the Rebellion sequel FINALLY being announced, here’s something I was going to do today anyway! Here’s the second part of the crew of Walpurgis Nights watch The Rebellion Story, stretching from Madoka arriving at the school to Hitomi’s nightmare!

Note: I originally was going to write this as one big piece and release it all at once, but then I realized what a dumb idea that would be, so it’s going to get released in chunks as they’re finished.

Note the 2nd: Every time a prolonged conversation takes place, just assume that they’re pausing the movie to talk.

Reminder:

G=Gretchen

H=Homulilly

Op=Ophelia

Ok=Oktavia

Ca=Candeloro/Mami

Ch=Charlotte

...

G: You know, I can’t get over Tavi having legs, or Fee having hair.

Op: It does look good, I gotta say. Must’ve been a bitch to keep it looking so fresh though.

Ch: And probably sets fewer low-hanging branches alight or set off fewer sprinklers.

Op: As far as you know. That style is smokin’

…

H: Seeing all those boys is…weird.

Ch: I know what you mean. I mean, I can picture what they look like, and I’ve seen recreations, but even still…

G: It is interesting to think about. I mean, here it’s perfectly normal for girls to get into relationships with other girls. But there girls like us would be a minority.

Op: Can’t imagine why. Now that I’m seeing them…not really getting the appeal. They don’t even have tits!

Ch: I guess you had to be there.

Ok: Hey, is it true that girls who liked other girls got picked on a lot?

Ca: Well, that’s an oversimplification of a serious problem, and I certainly never saw it happen. But then, I was a little…sheltered. And yes, in some places of the world, that does unfortunately happen. And worst.

G: Poor girls.

Ch: And guys. It happens to the gay guys too.

Op: I never got the gay thing. I mean, using the word as an insult. Like, why would that even be something to be ashamed of?

Ca: That’s…a really complicated question, and I’m not sure I’m really qualified to explain.

G: Well, I think they’re just being silly! I don’t see how anyone could see anything wrong with this!

=Gretchen leans over to give Homulilly a small kiss on the lips. Homulilly is more than happy to reciprocate=

Op: GAAAAY!

=Homulilly smacks Ophelia upside the head=

Ca: All of…that aside, I have to say, this is sort of nostalgic.

Ch: Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?

Ca: Oh, relax. I mean, just this. The school. The girls and the boys. The uniforms. Don’t worry, I’m not going to be struck with an uncontrollable desire for penis.

Op: Though if you do, I know a girl who-

Ca: Thank you, Ophelia. Please don’t finish that thought.

…

Op: Ha. Still a rebel, even then.

Ca: You were. You definitely were. Even more than this version. At least this version of you is going to school.

Op: And Tavi’s the goody-goody, sneaking off…hold up.

Ok: What?

Op: Rewind it a bit.

Ch: Okay…?

Op: So, does this version of me and Oktavia…do we live together?

Ch: Huh?

H: What?

Op: How would she know about me slacking on my homework after school if she wasn’t there? Like, in the same house?

Ca: W-Well, friends visit after school, sometimes to work on homework…

Ok: No, I’m going with Ophelia. We were totally shacking up. I mean, look at us. Look how irritated I am with her. That is love.

Ca: Girls, I hate to burst your bubble, but nobody was actually dating anyone back then.

Op: Oh, come on! Look at us!

Ok: Yeah, I mean the only other explanation is…

=silence=

Op: Is what? What are you…Oh, my God.

G: What’s wrong?

=Ophelia and Oktavia both start to look very uncomfortable=

Op: Candy, tell us the honest truth here: are we sisters?

Ca: What?!

Ch: Oh my God, I’m not hearing this.

Op: If you hid it so we wouldn’t freak out, I understand, but we really need to know-

Ca: No! No, you are not sisters, and you did not live together in our timeline! You knew each other for little over a month when we died, and only really got along for about two weeks!

Op: Oh, thank the flames.

Ok: Whew.

Ca: Seriously, what’s wrong with you? I already told you your stories.

G: Yeah, and Hitomi’s known Oktavia and me for a very long time! I think she’d mention it if you two were related.

H: Plus you look nothing alike. At all.

Ok: Okay! Okay! It was a momentary slip of stupid! We panicked! Leave us alone.

H: Would you two have stopped dating if it turned out you were related?

=Ophelia and Oktavia exchange looks=

Op: Probably not.

Ok: Nope.

Ch: Great. Now that we’ve established yet again how degenerate you two are, can we please continue the movie?

…

G: Huh?

Ok: What’s her deal?

Ca: I…kind of remember her? She was a teacher, and I think I had her my first year. But it’s been so long that-

Op: This lady’s bugging.

Ch: Too many shots in her coffee.

Op: I don’t think that’s alcohol.

Ok: Look at the class. Look at us! We’re all as confused as…we are…huh.

Ch: Don’t think about it too hard.

Op: Okay, seriously! Who allowed this lady around children?

Ca: I can remember her being a little eccentric, but this is on a whole new level.

Ch: Well, as the first few minutes proved, this whole city’s totally drugged out of its mind.

G: Does she want the world to end?

Ok: You know, I’m kind of feeling her.

G: Eh?!

Ok: Okay, look! Way back in the day, before I had a reliable gig, I used to sub every now and then for the FIB’s music department, and let me tell you, after a couple days of trying to keep those sand crabs under control, the apocalypse wasn’t sounding too bad!

Ch: How bad does her class have to be for her to go that far off the deep end?

Ok: Well, me and Fee are in the class.

=Ophelia snickers=

G: Oh, I saw Hitomi!

H: Fantastic.

Ok: I thought you two were cool now.

H: Eh…

Ch: Hey, kids! It’s time to play, “Spot the important characters!”

Ca: Did our hair really stand out that much? I distinctly remember other kids having bright hair colors!

Ch: Well, if you have a bunch of characters that you’re only animating for one scene, then you gotta skimp on some of the details.

…

G: Oh, there you are, Lilly!

Ca: Okay, this part I remember as being fairly accurate.

H: Huh?

Ca: I mean the bit about you being a transfer student and having been in the hospital for a while.

H: Ah.

=pause=

H: My God, I look stupid.

G: Don’t say that! You look cute!

H: Did I really wear my hair like that?

Ca: Well, no. You wore it straight. And I don’t remember there being glasses.

…

Ca: This part…is different though.

G: Really? How so?

Ca: I didn’t know Homulilly before she showed up.

Op: Yeah, you talked about that before. She just sort of appeared out of nowhere one day?

Ca: Yes. And pretty much just…aggressively inserted herself into our group. I mean, she wasn’t rude about it, but…

H: I was a time-traveler trying to save the only person that had ever cared about me from a terrible fate and had already failed several times. No doubt I wanted to skip the pleasantries.

Ca: I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything negative.

H: No offense taken.

Ok: So basically, you had reloaded your save over and over and was skipping the cutscenes so you could get to work on the part you were having trouble on.

H: That is…a remarkably accurate way of putting it. At least I assume that was the reason. I don’t know anything other than I was told, and to be quite frank, I’m glad of it.

Op: Hear fuckin’ hear.

Ok: Cheers. Oh, uh, sorry, Candy.

Ca: Don’t worry about it.

…

Ok: Well, Candy’s really talking you up. Guess you were kind of an ass-kicker, Homulilly.

H: No, it’s like the other version of me said. I was probably in a support role.

Ch: What, with the time-stop thing?

H: Yes.

Ok: Support role, my scaly ass! That is like the most OP power ever! I mean, what could I do?

=pause=

Ok: Uh, that wasn’t a rhetorical question. Candy, what could I do?

Ca: Oh, uh. In addition to your sword, you could use boost pads to jump and heal very quickly.

Op: So a tank, basically.

Ok: See? Just take and give damage! Basic as hell! Now time-stop, that’s a power with some class!

Ch: Plus time-travel.

Ok: Yeah, that’s like the jackpot of unfair.

H: Didn’t do me any good. We all died anyway.

Op: We’re chilling in our expensive, two-story house in a really nice neighborhood watching all this on our expensive big-screen instead of getting our asses beat every night and worrying about homework. I’d say things worked out.

…

Op: GAAAAAAY!

Ca: Oh, come on. It’s just hand-holding.

Op: Look at that blush! Look at it!

H: She has a point. By all accounts I was already pretty infatuated with Gretchen.

=Gretchen blushes=

Ca: Fair enough. GAAAAAAY!

=group cracks up=

Op: Though, seriously. Were any of us straight?

Ca: Well, Oktavia did have that crush on that one boy that supposedly started the whole trouble, and I had a couple of crushes of my own.

Ok: Did you not see me earlier in the movie? I at the very least bisexual!

Op: Or Kyoko-sexual. Everyone’s gay for Kyoko! Even the boys are gay for Kyoko!

G: I don’t really know what that means.

Op: It means the boys find me incredibly attractive, but in a gay sort of way.

G: I still don’t know what that means!

=Oktavia leans over to whisper something in Gretchen’s ear. Gretchen’s eyes go wide=

G: Oooohhhh…

…

Ch: A month? So do the landscape shots just mean a time-skip?

Ok: Okay, we were joking just now, but this is pretty explicitly romantic.

H: As I said, it was at least on my end. Though I don’t understand why he has to be there.

Ca: He was always around, unfortunately. I’m mainly wondering why he’s being so quiet. Or catlike.

H: Why, was he talkative?

Ca: Very.

Op: Huh. Maybe that’s why we got Cheese. We were just used to the animal companion that wouldn’t shut the hell-

=Cheese starts screeching from the other room=

C: Pickinilly! Pickidelly! Picadely whore!

Ch: Great, now you’ve set him off.

=Cheese flies into the room and lands on Homulilly’s flower. She tries not to laugh as he prances about before spying the movie playing=

C: Rat bastard! Rat bastard! Rat bastard!

Op: Where’d he learn that? I didn’t teach him that.

C: Rat bastard! Rat bastard!

Ch: Oh, for the love of…Here, I’ll take him.

=Charlotte offers Cheese her arm, and takes him outside=

Op: I’ll say this: the bird might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he is smart.

Ok: …did anyone else see the freaking dirigibles flying around in the background, or just me?

….

Op: Shit, those are a lot of airships. Hey, Candy-

Ca: No, those are new also.

Op: Something’s seriously off about this timeline, then.

Ch: Who the hell is that?

G: Oh! It’s Hitomi!

H: Of course it is.

Ch: Huh. Guess she does get more than a cameo.

Op: Jesus Christ, does her entire family all sleep in the same bed? You could fit an entire studio apartment into that thing!

G: Well, we were apparently all pretty well off.

Op: You had a normal-sized twin with a bunch of stuffed animals. She’s captaining the HMS Spoiled Rotten in there.

G: She’s not spoiled!

Op: Look, there are like three queen-sized beds between the six of us. You could put them all together and they still wouldn’t be as big as that monstrosity!

Ch: Isn’t she like living with three other girls now?

G: So? That doesn’t mean anything. Lots of people have roommates.

H: They’re dating.

G: What? What are you talking about? That’s silly to just assume-

Ok: Gretch. C’mon. It’s not a secret.

G: B-But-

Ok: Poly relationships happen all the time.

G: I…how did you find out?

Ok: You do know that I talk to her too, right? And honestly, you’re making more of it than she is.

G: I guess so.

Op: She should’ve brought that bigass bed with her, then. Gotten some use out of it.

…

H: Who’s she calling?

Ok: Oh boy.

Op: Well, well, well! Violin-boy!

Ok: Fantastic. Hey! I sold my soul for you! Hope it was worth it!

Ch: Er, you okay?

Ok: Yeah, I’m fine. I am pretty curious though.

Op: Oh! Stood the fuck up!

Ch: Wow, he just shot his own rich girlfriend down to play with his stringy stick!

Ok: Violins are way more than just stringy sticks! But yeah, he did shoot her right down, didn’t he? Starting to think I dodged a bullet.

H: You literally died.

Ok: I know what I said.

Op: I guess Hitomi dodged the same bullet. Traded in one deadbeat for three smokin’ hot girlfriends. Can’t see how that’s not a win!

G: Uh, her family? Whom she still remembers?

Op: Er…yeah. That’s a good point.

…

Op: Oh, she mad.

Ca: Teenage relationships are just like that sometimes. You feel all these big emotions and-Huh.

Ch: And you throw up yarn all over your room? What’s going on here?

Ok: We’re back on that weird shit again, aren’t we?

Op: Does she not notice any of this?

Ok: She just got shot down by her own boyfriend. Cut her some slack.

Op: Did the bed just…Okay, it ate her. It ate her and threw up even more yarn.

Ca: This is all getting very…witch-like.

G: I thought only Puella Magi could become witches.

Ca: So did I. But clearly my knowledge is very obsolete.

Op: Goddamn, Homulilly! You butterfly-effected the universe something crazy!

H: How is this my fault?

Ch: Oh, there’s another freaky teddy-bear. At least we know how they’re made.

Ok: Teenaged angst?

Ch: Most terrifying force known to mankind.

#WN Rebellion MST

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bangtan-gal · 5 years

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How to Break a Heart Step 1

Summary: The biggest lie the universe has ever told is that everyone finds love at some point in their lives. Warnings: swearing, angst, fluff, implied smut, underage drinking and drug use Word Count: 3.1k A/n: i will be doing a tag list for this series, so if you would like to be tagged, please dm, comment, or send in an ask!

Jung Jaehyun

Junior Year—2012

He was definitely an idiot, but for what it was worth, he was pretty dang cute.

“Have you ever noticed the way his eyes sparkle when he smiles?” You sighed, cupping your cheek in your hand. Your friend huffed beside you, not even looking up as she continued to work on the lab report.

“Have You Ever noticed how you act as if you’d sell your soul to him?” She retorted, waving her hand in front of your face. You snorted, pushing her hand away and continuing to ogle at him. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he laughed at something his friend said. His hand was moving animatedly, coming dangerously close to spilling the beaker of chemicals everywhere.

It would stain and ruin his clothes if it spilled.

“Believe me, if he was a succubus of some sort, I wouldn’t even hesitate to give him my soul,” you muttered.

A string of cuss words fell from his friend’s lips as the beaker fell from the table and shattered on the floor.

Green goop spread out along the floor and you were knocked from your trance.

“You shouldn’t date a guy for his looks, Y/N,” Lia reprimanded, still scribbling madly away at her lab report. “Especially not a guy like Jaehyun, whose thoughts are always on basketball and what kind of trouble he can get into next weekend.”

You sighed, glancing down at the worksheet in front of you and assessing the questions. You wished she wasn’t, but LIa was right. Jaehyun was only the glorious prince in the scenarios you created, not in the world that spun around you. In this world, Jaehyun only knew you as the student who sat behind him in chemistry and occasionally offered him help on his homework. Jaehyun was just a basketball player with a pretty smile.

Class ended as the teacher dismissed everyone so the mess could be cleaned up. You and Lia hurried down the hallway and exited the building silently. It was cold and the ground was covered in clumps of white. The wind was harsh against your face and you pulled your jacket up, looking over at Lia. She brushed her hair out of her face and then pursed her lips.

“What about Mark? Hasn’t he asked you out?” She asked.

You stuffed your hands in your pockets and shrugged, following her through the parking lot.

“He’s my brother’s best friend, that doesn’t even feel right,” you huffed, blowing a piece of hair out of your face. “Plus… it’s Mark.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You slid into her car, brushing the snow off your shoulders and hair. Lia started the car and then turned to you, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

“It’s Mark. The boy I used to play hide n’ seek with, the boy who put snakes and spiders in my backpack in middle school; Mark, who sometimes would hug me through my tears and paid more attention to me than my own brother ever did,” you explained. Mark was a good guy, but not in the way you wanted. He was a good guy in the way where he was like an older brother who threatened to beat up anyone who broke your heart.

“Well, at least he has a heart, unlike Jung Jaehyun.”

You were trying not to fall asleep as you waited for class to start. You had been unable to sleep the night before, your mind repeatedly mulling over what Lia had said to you. Should you have given Mark a chance? But it just felt wrong. He was your brother’s best friend, that was almost worse than dating your brother.

“Aye, Jaehyun!” You forced yourself not to perk up at the sound of his name or his cheerful reply. He was cute, but he was stupid and the epitome of trouble. Lia sat down beside you, smacking the back of your head teasingly.

“Damn, wake up,” she chortled.

The bell rang and your Chemistry teacher stood up.

“Today, we’re going to be switching up some seat partners… due to an event yesterday,” he announced. Jaehyun and Johnny both chuckled. You sighed, sitting up in your seat and watching as the teacher’s gaze ran over the class. His eyes landed on you.

“Y/N.”

Shit.

“Could you switch seats with Johnny, please? Maybe you’ll keep Jaehyun in shape,” he huffed, sending an annoyed glance the boy’s way. Your throat closed up as you stood up, grabbing your backpack and bumping shoulders with Johnny as you passed him. You fumbled to sit down and then cast a stare over your shoulder at Lia. Her eyes darted between you and Johnny and then she shrugged.

The whole time you found yourself aware of how close the boy was to you. His knees brushed against yours and if you shifted slightly, your shoulders would be touching. You couldn’t focus on the teacher’s lecture as he spun his pencil and would occasionally lose his hold on it and it would skitter across the table. You pinched your eyes shut, trying to remove his smile from your memory.

“Hey.” Goosebumps erupted along your skin as he leaned closer. “Were you paying attention at all?”

You opened your eyes and side-eyed him.

“No…”

He leaned back in his seat, a curious stare running over you. Then he turned around, brightly smiling at the boy behind him.

“What are we supposed to be doing?” He asked.

The boy didn’t look impressed.

“Weren’t you listening?”

“Damn, tough crowd,” Jaehyun muttered to you and despite the situation, you found yourself smiling.

“You have a pretty smile.”

The compliment took by such a surprise that your smile disappeared. You looked up, meeting his bright stare. His dimples were on full display. Your heart thumped in your ears and you were certain your face was red.

Jaehyun tilted his head.

“Can I see it again?”

You should’ve been working, but when the boy overdramatically pouted, you smiled again as a small laugh escaped you. Jaehyun smiled back, his eyes flicking over your face. As the two of you continued to stare at each other, you couldn’t help but feel conscious. This was weird.

“It’s Y/N, right?” He asked.

You cleared your throat.

“Yeah, that’s me,”

He grinned. “I remember you—Freshman year in PE class, you told the teacher that he should be the one running instead of us.”

If your face wasn’t red before, it definitely was now.

A dry laugh escaped you and you nodded warily.

“Yup… once again, that’s me,” you squeaked. He threw back his head and laughed.

“Damn, I remember really wanting to talk to you—that was so cool. I didn’t have the guts to though, you seemed kind of scary,” he murmured, shaking his head. His gaze dropped to the desk and he started to trace the worksheet. You ran a hand through your hair, teeth working on your bottom. He was scared to talk to you? Another smile bloomed on your face, but this time it was different, it was wide and goofy and all you could think about was how the two of you were basically in the same boat.

“Well, I’m not all that scary,” you teased softly, unable to look at him as you started to work on the sheet. “I might bite a little bit though.”

It was a weird and tentative start, but it was a start nonetheless. The two of you started to talk more often and continued to work together in chemistry. It grew from there, becoming more than just homework. You talked before and after class, would go the extra length to see each other during lunch or study hall. Eventually, you got his number and the two of you started to hang out outside of school.

You learned quickly that Jaehyun wasn’t the perfect prince you saw in your mind, but he wasn’t some heartless monster like how Lia tried to depict him. He was… well, he was human. He sometimes forgot about your plans, but always made up for it with paragraphs of apologies and horribly made cookies.

wA day into your friendship with Jaehyun, you learned not to eat anything he made himself.

“I don’t think you understand how this works,” you grumbled, frowning at him. He frowned back.

“It’s four significant figures—”

“No, it’s three,” you argued.

“How?”

“When you multiply, it’s the smallest amount,” you explained, pointing to the numbers on the problem, “so therefore, it’s rounded to three.”

Jaehyun groaned, collapsing against the table. “I fucking hate Chemistry.”

You shook your head with a laugh and laid your head beside his. “The year is almost done and then you won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

“Watch me fail the final,” he whined, turning to look at you. His face was extremely close and this close you could see just how long his lashes were. They curled up against his brow bone. You smiled, not realizing how obvious your visual trace of his face was. He had defined cheekbones, with a soft spray of freckles dotting along them and over the bridge of his nose. His lips were light pink, but were darker near the middle.

Jaehyun smiled back at you.

“Hey,” you whispered.

“Hey.”

His lips were warm. They were soft. Your eyes fluttered shut as his fingers ran up your arm, your neck, and over your jaw. His thumb massaged the area underneath your ear as his fingers played with your hair. You felt dazed as you pulled back, eyes still closed and soft breaths escaping you. Finally, you opened your eyes, a tilted smile on your face. Jaehyun chuckled, pulling back a bit more, pink spreading along his face.

“God, I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he muttered. You looked down, still smiling, Jaehyun’s hand dropped from your head to your hand, his fingers curling over yours.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Jaehyun twirled you around. It was a warm day, the sun bearing down on both of you. You were certain you’d never seen him smile any wider.

Summer had started a month ago, but your summer truly started today. Jaehyun had been gone on vacation in Northern Europe. Seeing him again was like a breath of fresh air. You’d missed his smile, his hugs, his laugh… you just missed him.

“I missed you so much,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You don’t even know.”

You laughed. “I don’t even know? I missed you more than you could ever imagine!”

He smirked and kissed you again.

“Maybe,” he chirped. His eyes ran along your face. Silence grew between you. You smiled nervously, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear.

“What are you doing?” “Commiting you to memory,” he sighed. You snorted, elbowing him in the ribs.

“That’s creepy.”

He laughed.

“Fine, I was just thinking about how you’ve become prettier in the past month,” he explained, “or I have a sucky memory.”

You didn’t let your smile falter, even though your heart seemed to fall. Something wasn’t right. It was like there was something pulling in your gut. Jaehyun was acting the same, but there was a dark flicker in his eyes. A flicker that you didn’t like.

“Hey, you okay?” He asked.

You nodded, forcing your smile to widen.

“Yeah.”

He wrapped an arm around your shoulders. His smile was wide and dimples on full display. The kiss he pressed to your temple was soft and sweet. You leaned into him and brushed away the earlier look. Jaehyun was just tired. He’d been on a plane for 12 hours and came to see you right away.

“Oh yeah, I got you something,” Jaehyun said, “close your eyes.”

You obliged, letting your eyes flutter shut. There was a soft rustling and then Jaehyun stepped behind you. Something cold and delicate was placed around your neck. You opened your eyes slowly, glancing down at the necklace. It was rose-gold and glimmered in the sunlight. A rose-quartz hung at the end, a daisy dry-pressed in the center. It was stunning.

“I remember you talking about a rose-quartz ring you used to have and how much you loved it. And you love daisies because of Narcissus, that Greek myth dude,” he whispered. Your heart raced, tracing the gem carefully. Then you turned around, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips and pulled back with a grin.

“Thank you, I absolutely love it!” You mumbled against his lips. Your arms wrapped around his neck and you stood there in your front yard, the two of you swaying back and forth. The light breeze tugged at your hair, twirling it around your head. Jaehyun’s eyes sparkled under the sunlight.

He looked ethereal.

Hell, he was ethereal.

Your mind wandered back to before you started dating, when Lia used to tell you that he was toxic: that he was just a boy who ruined others lives. Yet, the only thing you’d seen from him was the exact opposite. He was sweet and caring and could be a total goofball at times. He’d always put you above him and would go to great lengths to make sure you were happy. You had never been happier before your time with Jaehyun; you always felt like you were on cloud nine with him.

“How was Europe?” You queried. The two of you were still awkwardly slow dancing in your front yard.

He smiled and let his forehead rest against yours.

“It was really fun. You don’t realize just how pretty it actually is until you’re there,” he commented. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“What was your favorite part?” Jaehyun thought for a second before opening his mouth.

“Is that Jung Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun turned around and then pulled away from you, smile widening as he waved at a group of his friends. You deflated slightly, watching as Yuta’s car pulled up against the curb. The three boys stepped out, all of them clapping him on the back and loudly greeting him. Johnny winked at you and ruffled your hair, treating you as if you were Jaehyun’s younger sister instead of his girlfriend.

“Hey Y/N,” Taeil chirped.

“Hi,” you grumbled, your gaze flicking back to Jaehyun, wondering if he would shoo them away so you could spend more alone time together.

“I’m throwing a party tonight, the two of you should come,” Yuta jumped in, wide smile on full display. His hair had been dyed red at the end of the school year, but now it was mostly faded to a weird mix of deep brown and faded red. “Nine at my place.”

You opened your mouth, ready to decline, but Jaehyun beat you to it.

“We’ll see you there,” he hummed, fist bumping Yuta. The boy smirked and then glanced over at you before sending a sly look Jaehyun’s way.

“Unless you’re gonna be too busy,” he giggled.

And sometimes you forgot why Yuta was the most annoying one of Jaehyun’s friends.

The trio drove off, leaving the two of you to awkwardly stand and watch them leave. As the car disappeared around the corner, you turned to your boyfriend, arms crossed over your chest. You raised an eyebrow.

“Aren’t even gonna ask if I actually want to go?”

“Babe I just th—”

“You just thought that I’d want to spend my first day with my boyfriend at a loud ass party?” You snapped, taking a step back. Jaehyun grabbed your hand, dragging you towards him.

“Look, Y/N, I know you don’t like parties, but I haven’t seen my pals just as long as I haven’t seen you,” he huffed, “and I want to see them, but I also want to spend time with you. Just this once? I promise if you hate it, we can come back here and watch Finding Nemo.”

You sighed, staring at him through your lashes.

“Fine, but if we go home, you can’t complain about the movie,” you muttered. He grinned at you.

“Not even a little?”

You gave him a deadpanning stare.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

The second you stepped into the party, you hated it, but for Jaehyun’s sake, you didn’t give up on it right away. The reek of alcohol and the underlying smell of smoke underneath was sickening. Teenagers roamed around the house, each smelling like walking gyms. Johnny saw the two of you immediately and hurried over, wrapping his arms around both your shoulders. He smiled at the two of you.

“Let’s get the both of you drink, shall we?”

The last thing you wanted was a drink, but you followed them to the kitchen either way. Jaehyun immediately moved throughout the cabinets, making himself his own drink as Johnny turned to you.

“Beer or vodka?” You crossed yours arms, eyes wandering boredly around the place.

“Just water.”

Johnny raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? How boring can you get?” “How much of a douche can you be?” You retorted. He snorted, reeling away from you as if you had physically hit him. No more comments were made as Jaehyun finally had a drink in his hand and made his way over to you. You told yourself you’d make it an hour before you went home.

Just an hour.

“Jae!” Lucas shouted, appearing between you two, “You gotta come reclaim your spot as King bro.”

Jaehyun laughed, teasingly pulling away from the boy.

“No no, I’m content to just watch you idiots do it,” he chuckled. Yuta suddenly popped into the room, wrapping an arm around Jaehyun’s neck. He ruffled his hair and then grinned at you.

“You’re the idiot, considering how many times you won.”

That was the only coaxing Jaehyun needed to let himself be dragged through the dining room and the living room where the beer pong table was set up. You followed wearily, sending glares at anyone who brushed against you. Jaehyun handed you his phone and took off his jacket, moving to one end of the table. You sat down on the couch, clutching his coat tightly in your hands as you watched.

You hated this so much.

You could already see how this would end.

Jaehyun would be drunk off his ass by the end of the night and you wouldn’t see him for the next couple of days as he nursed away his hangover.

You watched the first several tosses, before your annoyance over took any pride you had in your boyfriend. You opened his phone to check the time and were greeted by a couple text messages. Some were from friends, one from his mom, and two from someone named ‘Sylvia.’ You weren’t one to snoop, but as his phone suddenly lit up from another next message from Sylvia, your curiosity got the best of you. You unlocked his phone.

Hey, I’ve missed you

Had lots of fun with you, never been with someone that fiery

Your stomach lurched and you didn’t even care to read the last message.

You stood up, tossing his coat and phone on the ground. Tears were brimming at the corners of your eyes and the sudden urge to puke was almost unbearable. Your hand covered your mouth as you glanced up, meeting Jaehyun’s stare. You saw it his eyes—that same dark flicker before they widened in horror, realizing exactly what had just happened. Tears were already sliding down your face as you desperately shook your head in disbelief. Then you left, sprinting from the house as if demons were hot on your tail.

Running away from the nightmare that had just occurred.

You stumbled out in the dark street, eyes darting around. None of the drunk or high teens spared you a glance as you started to hurry down the sidewalk. Your skin was flushed and your heart was racing as you tried to pretend that you were fine. That what just happened was all a dream.

That Jaehyun was just a dream.

Everything you gave him was only a daydream and now you were awake.

And Jaehyun doesn’t exist.

♡🎔🎔🎔🎔🎔🎔

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aro-ace-andi-mack · 5 years

Link

Inspired by the 3.13 angst (because what isn't nowadays), I wrote this instead of doing my homework. Time to give our little gaybies a freaking break.

“Do you remember your first crush?”

Cyrus looked up at Tj, a bit taken aback. After almost a week of avoiding TJ, Cyrus finally decided to show up at the swing sets. He figured that’s where the jock would be, and had Andi and Buffy both confirm that he was waiting there every day after school let out. Cyrus finally decided to face him today, and those were the words TJ chose to say first.

Why would TJ be asking him this?

“I-uh, yeah, actually. It was pretty recently. I mean of course I had little crushes in elementary school, or at least I thought they were crushes back then. I don’t really remember any of them. They were gone after like a day. I only had my first real crush last year,” Cyrus said anxiously, looking at the ground.

“But you know what it feels like, right? Because—“ TJ stopped midsentence, wringing his hands in his lap.

Cyrus sighed. He knew where this was headed. “You can tell me, TJ. I won’t be mad at you if you like Kira.”

“I don’t like Kira, first of all. And aren’t you already mad at me?”

“I am, but that’s just because you didn’t tell me,” Cyrus said, now turned toward TJ. "I spent three hours going through everything in my house trying to figure out how I could possibly dress up as salt. It was supposed to be our thing. You didn’t even text me to say you changed your mind.” Suddenly Cyrus was grateful he waited so long to talk to TJ. If there was any less distance between them, his voice would’ve cracked.

Instead, it was TJ’s voice that started to shift.

“I am so sorry, Cyrus. I wanted to tell you. I didn’t know what to say or how to say anything at all.”

Cyrus remained silent.

“Look, I know that sorry will never cut it. I came here to tell you why I had to do it,” TJ said, breaking his eyes away from Cyrus and turning outwards. His hands wrapped tighter around the chains of the swings, white knuckles outlining his grip.

“Had to?” Cyrus asked, starting to feel slightly worried.

TJ took a deep breath in; it came out choked. He took another breath, this time a bit quicker. “Your first crush. You remember how that felt. I forgot about my first crush for so many years. I actually did have a real crush, when I was in third grade,” TJ said, much quieter now. Cyrus stayed silent, still confused about what this had to do with costume day.

“My first crush . . . was a boy.”

Cyrus held his breath. Was this really true? Was this happening, right here, right now?

TJ looked over at Cyrus, and noticed his stance had changed. His fingernails were digging into his palms around the swing chains, chest not moving.

After a moment of silence, TJ continued. “I didn’t tell anyone. But on a field trip to the museum, we saw two men holding hands in one of the exhibits. Some of the kids in my class were staring, so the teacher shooed us into the next room. I don’t know if that’s because she thought it would somehow taint us, or if she thought we were actually the ones about to mock them. But the whole scenario felt wrong. So I buried it.”

Cyrus looked up at TJ now. His eyes were watery, but the tough jock was trying hard not to cry.

“Thank you,” Cyrus said.

“What?” TJ exclaimed.

“Thank you. For telling me. I am so proud of you,” Cyrus said, letting his own smile peek through.

“I—I was really hoping you would say something like that. That you would okay with it. I mean this doesn’t change the fact that I still stood you up on costume day, and I’m a phenomenal jackass.”

“You don’t need my approval to be who you are, TJ,” Cyrus said. “But, what does this have to do with costume day?”

TJ turned away again. “Kira found out,” TJ said, “or at least she acted like she did. And since Buffy kicked her off the girls basketball team, she wants to join the boys. I guess she thought she could cozy up to me during costume day, so I would let her try out. When that didn’t work, she basically acted like she would tell everyone about me.”

“What did she say?”

“She didn’t say it directly. But when I told her we were doing a costume, she pointed out how weird it was that I wanted to do a costume with a boy rather than a girl, like her.”

Cyrus caught his breath again. Kira saw the two of them, together, and could tell that TJ was gay? If it was that obvious, how could he have missed it all this time? Maybe Cyrus was the one who was actually sending those signals, and TJ just got caught up in it all by sheer coincidence. Cyrus hadn’t even realized that he was sending signals at all. But just like he knew he had a crush on Jonah after he got together with Andi, Cyrus finally identified his feelings when he saw TJ and Kira in that awful costume. Cyrus was in love with Scary Basketball Guy.

And right now, it all felt pretty shitty.

“I am so, so sorry, Teej. You didn’t deserve that. Whether Kira knows it or not, that was cruel,” Cyrus said.

Something about those words gave TJ energy. He suddenly started swinging, quickly. As his swing went higher and higher, it became more aggressive.

“You know something? After all those years of burying my sexuality, I only remembered it a few months ago. My older cousin was visiting our family, and she came out to me as bisexual. She likes girls and boys. All this time, and that was the first time I understood it was okay to be gay. I didn’t realize that I was gay again until weeks after she left, so I never got the chance to say it to her. I was going to wait until my birthday, when her family comes over next.” TJ’s swing flew higher and higher. “But then all this shit with Kira happened. And the worst part is, I still have to let her on the team. Because if the school finds out the basketball captain is gay, I’ll be a laughing stock.”

TJ jumps off the swing, now about ten feet up into the air. Yet, he somehow lands flawlessly. If it any other situation, Cyrus would’ve given him a standing ovation. Now, he was just sitting on the swing, completely still.

“TJ,” Cyrus began, “I wish I could tell you that things were different. But I don’t know how the future will pan out.” Now Cyrus finally took a deep breath. “All I know is we’ll get through it.”

“We?”

“Surprise. I’m gay too,” Cyrus said, his voice a bit lighter now. “Honestly, I don’t know how nobody has figured it out yet. I’m a disaster.”

“So nobody knows?” TJ asked.

“Sorry, bad phrasing. I told Buffy, Andi, and Jonah. All pretty recently. And Jonah was actually the first crush.” Cyrus’s eyes widened as soon as he heard himself. "Just don’t tell him that.”

“Oh,” TJ said, somewhat disappointed. Then he caught himself. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Am I your first?” Cyrus asked.

“First crush, oh no. But you are the first person I’ve told this to,” TJ said.

“Wait . . . I know I’m not your first crush. You said your first crush was in third grade,” Cyrus said slyly. He stood there looking at TJ for a moment, who finally realized what he implied.

“No—no, that’s not what I meant to say. You know what I meant,” TJ said hurriedly. Even if Cyrus was gay, there’s no way he could admit his feelings just yet. Or ever. “You’re my best friend."

Cyrus heard those words, and he wanted to be upset. But his gut instinct was telling him there was something more. It’s now or never, he thought.

“Teej, you’re my best friend too. But did you notice how quickly that happened? You were just this Scary Basketball Guy that I only knew because Buffy wanted to join your team.” Cyrus paused a moment, trying to read TJ’s face. No luck.

Cyrus continued, “I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary at first. But I feel a stronger connection with you than anyone else, not even Andi or Buffy.” He paused again. "I think I like you.”

Silence passed between them for what feels like forever. But suddenly a young girl, probably four or five, ran up to the swing-set and climbs on. Her mother walked towards them as well, wheeling a stroller with another child in it. Cyrus and TJ smiled at the mother, and TJ gave the little girl a few pushes on the swings before they walked off. After a minute, they were far away enough that her giggles no longer cut through the tension.

Neither of them talked for a few moments. Their footsteps sounded especially loud against the sidewalk, echoing through their thoughts. Cyrus wondered if he made the wrong decision by telling TJ that he liked him. Oh well, he thought, feeling beaten after the week he’s had. I’ve already spent enough of my tears on this boy, what’s a few more?

Suddenly, TJ spoke up.

“I know I said I would never be able to apologize for costume day. But—“

“TJ, please don’t worry about it. I’m way past that by now.”

“I know. But I still have to make it up to you. There’s a bakery a few blocks down from here. Interested in a chocolate-chocolate chip muffin?” TJ asked, now sounding oddly nonchalant.

No matter what his friendship with TJ would turn out to be after this, there was no way Cyrus was going to pass up a free muffin. “I’ll take you up on that offer,” he said.

“Great,” TJ said, smiling, “it’s a date.”

Cyrus stopped dead in his tracks. “A what now??”

TJ turned back at him, his goofy smile turning into a laugh. “You heard me,” he said, sliding his fingers in between Cyrus’s. “It’s about time we had our first date.”

Cyrus squeezed TJ’s hand, surprised at how nicely it fit into his. As they began to walk towards the bakery, Cyrus felt at peace. The birds started to chirp around them, and the sun seemed to shine just a bit brighter. Cyrus knew he had something sweet coming to him—and it wasn’t the chocolate-chocolate chip muffin.

#andi mack #am #andi mack fanfic #tyrus #cyrus goodman #tj kippen #ao3

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sellingmysoulforbts · 5 years

Text

You're having second thoughts about your career choice. BTS x Reader Reaction

Genre: mild angst, fluff. College AU. Gender neutral.

Warnings: strong language, self degradation.

as requested by @erraticsoul

A/N: I just wanna say that it is okay to change your career path. You're really young when you are forced to choose what you want to do for the rest of your life and we sometimes make mistakes. The most important thing is that you are happy.

Kim Seokjin

He was there for you, every single time you needed that extra support. This madness began when you started having trouble with some of the subjects that you had to take in college. Thoughts like 'how can I become a professional if I can't solve this simple exercise?' clouded your brain. Jin came on time only to find you crying over your homework.

"Tell me, how am I supposed to do this my entire life?"

"By giving your best, like I know you do, and if that's not enough then it's probably not what you should be doing" he would answer.

Then he proceeded to tell you one of his terrible jokes about the subject your having trouble with. Like if you weren't having it with chemistry he'd go "hey, are you made of copper and tellurium? 'Cause you're CuTe" and if that didn't work, he'd always come to you with a new plate he's made in class because he definitely a culinary arts major.

Min Yoongi

He was confused, like he didn't get how you felt at all. Since he was really young he new what his goals were and started working really hard to achieve them. You, on the other hand, have thought about every single career path, none of them seemed to completely fulfill you. Like you went from wanting to be a model to a rocket scientist in the span of two months, so you knew as soon as you filled that application form to enter college, with whatever career you had landed eyes on at the moment you weren't going to stick to it. Yoongi would try so hard to help you find something you like and would like doing for the rest of your life, just like he did.

"Okay, how about being a teacher?" He suggested one time.

"But I'll have to know the subject first, so what can I teach?"

"Never mind" he said.

He would just enroll you in a bunch of classes that have nothing to do with your current major, just to see if you'd like any of it.

Wanting to become a producer was his lifelong dream, the feeling he got every time he got a step closer was something Yoongi wanted you to experience as well, so he'd never give up on you.

Jung Hoseok

He would be the one to notice and call you out on it. Hobi was a dance major, so he had practice almost every day and you'd come, even if it was late or skip classes to see him. At first he didn't think much about it, and he appreciated the effort you were putting into the relationship, but then you stopped coming like once a week or just skipping a class to have lunch together and began coming like three times a week, and he would see you around campus with friends when he knew you had class.

"Hey, I saw you today walking out of campus" he said one day, after he was done with practice and you were still there.

"Oh, really? I didn't see you, I'd have said hi. At what time did you see me?"

"While you were supposed to be in class" he answered, trying not to sound mad.

"Yeah, the professor cancelled it last minute, so I didn't really have time to tell you" you genuinely thought he was jealous because you were hanging out with boys, but he wasn't. You'd you really be here so late if you were cheating on him? No, and he knew you would never, but he was concerned.

"And has he cancelled classes all week, and last one?" He inquired.

His tone gave away he was implying that you had been skipping class for the whole month.

"No" you answered softly.

"Is everything okay?"

"No" you answered again. He took your hands as a way to show you his support. "Why?" "I just don't feel happy anymore, like when I first got in I was so sure this was what I wanted and now I find it hard and I'm really stressed. I've been looking for other career options and I might change majors so I guess I lost interest and just stopped making an effort to pass" you shrugged, he kissed your hands.

"It's okay. We're still very young and I want you to do something that makes you happy"

Kim Namjoon

You. Felt. Dumb. You were having such a hard time in some classes, and not understanding anything your teacher said. At first you just worked a little harder and visited your professor to ask some questions, but seeing your classmates getting good grades or putting a minimum effort to understand, made you feel out of place and dumb, like actually stupid. Namjoon was an extremely intelligent human being, and that's no secret. He was an English major, and an outstanding student.

He was going to surprise you, you had been busy all week with schoolwork and he knew how hard you worked so he gave you your space, but it was Friday and he missed you like crazy. He didn't expect, when he walked into your apartment, to see you crying over your homework. Like actually balling your eyes out. Your brain was so chemically imbalanced at the moment that you barely felt arms wrapping around your sobbing form.

He managed to calm you down a little bit, and finally asked what's wrong.

"I can't do it Namjoon, I actually am incapable of doing it. I'm just a stupid piece of shit who can't even solve her homework. Why am I even trying at this point? I'm going to fail because my brain does not have the capacity to understand this subject" you basically yelled out and broke down crying again. He was so pained to see you like that and hearing that horrible things from your mouth broke his heart.

"Shh, don't say that baby, you are not dumb" "of course you'd say that, mister my IQ is 148, I only get As with minimum effort. I've being working on this thing for a week. A WEEK, and I can't do it. My teacher is sick of me for going every single day to ask him something." You were getting angry at this point, not with him but with yourself. Maybe throw in your parents as well for making you this way, but not at him, never at him, even though your words proved otherwise.

"Baby, look at me." He said. You shook your head embarrassed at your attitude.

He squatted right in front of you and took your face in his hands, dried your tears and smiled.

"You are not dumb, not because you have to work a little harder does it mean you're less capable of doing something. Besides, you're so far from stupid. When I look at you I see a wonderful human being, smart and kind, and that's what I love about you. Your perspective on the world, and your unique way of understanding things." He told with a sincere voice and that made you smile a little. "Also, I do put effort into my work but I like what I do so much that I doesn't feel like it, now tell me, do you like what you're doing?" He asked. " I don't know anymore" "okay how about this? Let's take a break right now, we go grab something to eat, we get back, cuddle, watch a movie. Just relax and not think about college for a while. And we can discuss this in the morning with a fresh mind."

Park Jimin

He was mostly sad, you didn't choose this for yourself, it was your parents dream. He would just try and comfort you, by hugging you and whispering words of encouragement. You were sad, angry and scared. You couldn't do what you wanted because your parents didn't support you but you also didn't want to disappoint them.

"I'm so sick of this Jimin, I don't think I can keep doing this." You said one day, you had to study for your upcoming tests but finding motivation was hard.

He couldn't fully comprehend your dilemma, his parents were super supportive.

"I know baby, but the semester is almost over."

"And then comes the next, and one after that, and on and on, not to mention the years ahead of me of working in this" you wanted to cry, just let out your frustration.

"Hey, how about, you start taking classes for what you really want, until you build up the courage to talk to them." He suggested. "I don't know I'm so scared." Your voice broke a little. His caring instincts kicking in immediately, so he hugged you. "It okay, I'm sure what they want is for you to be happy and have a safe future financially, that's why you're here, but you can prove to them that you'll succeed doing whatever you want, and I'm here to support you every step of the way. I believe in you, and besides I'm quite thankful to your parents for picking that for you or we might have never met."

"You're right" and with him by your side you had the motivation you needed.

Kim Taehyung

It was hard, Tae, your boyfriend, always seemed to have more free time, and enjoy his college experience way more than you did. He was one of the few things you were grateful for, during your time in college. The little study dates you had were like the only way to get you to open a book, and they were a 2x1 deal for him. Taehyung was an art history student and it required to read a lot so he could do his school work and spend time with you. You weren't irresponsible or anything but you started to wonder if you chose your career right, because the lack of motivation was really dragging you down. You were in the coffee shop you usually went with Taehyung to study just contemplating how you wanted your life to look in ten years, when he came.

"Hey" he said. "Hi" you answered still a little distraught. "Did you order?" You nodded in response. "Is everything o-" he started but you soon interrupted him "how did you know what you wanted to study?" "well my school took us to a museum for a school trip once, and I was fascinated by the art, but also intrigued as to what led the painters to do such masterpieces and I guess I got hooked on that. Why?" "I'm just not sure with what I'm doing,I never had a revelation moment so I just went with what sounded the least unpleasant at the moment" "Well how about we finish here and we can go find some counselling for you?" "You think I should change majors?" "Baby, when was the last time you felt happy and satisfied with your work and what you learned?" He asked and you grew quiet at that. "Exactly. What you do for the rest of your life has to be something that you enjoy and you're clearly not enjoying this." So you did just that, found help to discover what makes you happy.

Jeon Jungkook

I mean he would be kinda disappointed that you didn't told him first thing and that he had to discover it for himself. You were thinking and rethinking if you had made the right choice, so you turned yourself into a little help from the internet, trying thing from quizzes all the way to astrological birth charts, of course when he wasn't around.

As you were spending the weekend together doing homework and watching movies, he stumbled upon a word he didn't quite know the meaning of. He was studying animation, and taking classes for film production, but he was trying to do some homework for an English class.

"Babe, can I use your phone real quick? Mine ran out of battery" he asked. "Sure, what for?" "I just want to Google this word" he said and have you that bunny smile, you handed him the phone unblocked, not worrying in the slightest. He got it,and quickly clicked on the navigator, as he was about to type he peeked at your search history, things like 'how to choose your major', 'how do I know if I made the right decision','best careers based on your zodiac sign' that last one made him chuckle but he was generally preoccupied, because something was definitely wrong. He made a mental note to talk to you about it. Jungkook quickly made the research and completed his task. He then approached you, to give it back to you. You were just in the couch reading something, as he handed you the phone with a smile you sensed something off. "So, what's the best career for a virgo?" He wondered. It took a minute for it to click. "Kook…" you trailed of, not sure as to what to say. He sat down next to you. "Why wouldn't you tell me?" "I just- I was.. am so confused. I believe I chose what I did for a reason but now I'm not so sure and it been going on for a while. I guess I didn't want to bother you with stupid problems like that." You told him. He just shook his head. "That's why I am your boyfriend, so you can come to me with whatever is bothering you and we can fix it together cause we're a team, and it works the other way around too." "You're right, sorry" "It's okay, but promise me you will from now on" " I will, I promise" you smiled at him and he answered back "now that that's out of the way, let's find your perfect major" and with a kiss on your cheek, you then proceed to go through a lot of lists and quizzes a lot of websites suggested, together.

a/n: I’m so sorry this took so long but the scenario really hit home and I got distracted, anyways i hope you enjoy it and like it.

gifs not mine

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vincejonesuniverse · 5 years

Link

I was born in 1955. Way back then there were basically 3 types of “kids”: just the regular let’s play hide-an-seek, build a fort, throw rocks, ride bikes, ring doorbells and run, make random calls and ask if “Ben Dover” was home (caller ID ruined that), get muddy, mercurochromed bloody knees and elbows, be home by dinner time kind. Then there were the “weird” kids. Now, this class broke down into the “weird” in an eccentric kinda way which made you kinda cool and then there were the “stay away from little Johnny” kinda weird which wasn’t so good, and everybody had at least one friend who fit the former and knew one of the latter. Today the latter generally hold elective office or work at the DMV.

Finally, there were the “special” kids (special being the term used in polite company). Now, I know a lot about this class, for you see, I’m a member. As a child I struggled to “fit in,” be “just one of the kids” and I lived in terror (strong word but completely accurate) of the “short bus” which transported them to school and home again. My generation pretty much walked to and from school. The only time a parent picked up their child was if they were injured beyond the school nurse’s ability to patch them up or they were sick, projectile vomiting kinda sick or did something REALLY BAD, like invade Poland. So, every day when the short bus would pass me, twice, I would freeze up inside, deathly afraid of being found out. I was seven when I first began considering suicide.

I was adopted at six weeks of age and unbeknownst to my new parents, I was “special” as well as being a sickly child; my heart stopping more than once before I was 9. As a result, my father felt cheated out of the son he envisioned having, and though I supposed he tried, it was abundantly clear he would have traded me in for a different model if given the chance. Mom was Mom. I could have been on death row, guilty as sin, and she would have been there patting me on the arm saying, “its OK honey, the Governor will call since I know in my heart you are a good boy.” But I couldn’t talk her or anyone about what I was feeling and experiencing, hell, I couldn’t even put it into words for myself.

I didn’t know why I was different, but it was clear I was. I would watch the interactions of my playmates, confounded as to the ways they related and responded to each other, and they did it so effortlessly. I’d hang in the background, try to be a part of without really being noticed, especially for the wrong reasons. And I watched a lot of TV looking for clues.

I had a hard time making and keeping eye contact and would often look off to the side when talking to someone. I would say “inappropriate” things (not like bad language or such, well, OK, sometimes, my mind just makes connections which make perfect sense to me, others, not so much) and had no clue as to why they were inappropriate. I would get that hated scrunched up nose narrowed eyed “say what” look and know I had somehow messed up.

In the early 60’s IQ tests were the rage. When the sealed envelopes with the results were handed out in my class, everyone got a white envelope, well almost everyone, mine was manila in color. That day’s walk home was filled with thoughts of suicide and ways to do it because I knew this was it. I left the envelope on the kitchen table (the thought never crossed my mind to disappear it) and waited in my room resigned to my fate. When Mom opened it all it said was the school wanted them to make an appointment to come in for a conference. My Dad was pissed (yep, that is the word he used) because he would have to take off work and was sure I had done something I was covering up. I maintained ignorance, thankful for the reprieve, dreading what I thought I KNEW was coming. The day came and I attended the meeting with the Vice-Principal as well. They were told I was, wait for it, ABNORMALLY intelligent. I don’t know what else was said after that, for I had shut down and blanked out. It was in the car driving home when I came back around to my father saying, “that was a huge waste of time.” I waited for “the” talk I had been dreading, but it never materialized. I went to school the next day as if nothing had happened and it was never brought up again. I really don’t know why they had my parents come in, this was before GATE or programs for gifted students existed, I think they were just as perplexed at what to do with me as I was.

At a very early age I decided the best course of action was to try to “fit in,” so I dedicated myself to mimicry. I would surreptitiously watch you: your facial expressions, the tone of your voice, the words you chose, how others reacted to you and how you reciprocated. And I practiced and practiced. You know how people say they have done something a “thousand” times? From that point (around 7) through High School I spent thousands of hours in front of the bathroom mirror rehearsing the things that came so naturally to you, until it became second nature. I taught myself to “fit in,” to act as if, even though I didn’t understand the underlying why’s.

And life went on. I looked at what generally qualified as “normal” (not surprisingly a lot of that came from TV) and started checking off the boxes. In time my fear of being “found out” diminished, but I was still a little “weird” which was kinda OK in High School. I played sports, got a girlfriend (relationships took my acting to a whole new level, and I still sucked at them), had a small circle of friends and was bored out of my mind. I drove my teachers to distraction by rarely turning in homework but acing tests. My poor mother on numerous occasions had to fight with instructors to pass me. I wouldn’t have graduated High School if not for her. She was 5’1 & ¾" as she would often proudly state and maybe 110 pounds soaking wet. One her favorite momisims was “dynamite and poison come in small packages,” she was a force to be reckoned with.

What really made High School tolerable though were the drugs and alcohol. See, if you were loaded or drunk you were expected to say and do inappropriate things. It would be forgiven with the blanket, “oh, he is just f#%ked up.” Talk about a get out of jail free card. As you can well imagine, drugs and alcohol became constant companions and close personal friends. Time passed and I kept checking off boxes: I got married (poor girl), bought a house, became a father and had the beginnings of a career in business management, because that is what “normal” life looked like, right? Things were good, at least I thought so, right up until they weren’t. My reliance on intoxicants turned on me and I ended up out of control, alone, broke, in dire straits physically and mentally. Then at 30 years of age I sought help and have been free of active addiction since 1985.

When I first I entered the community of recovery I was amazed. They talked about secrets and being “the actor,” of hidden feelings and motivations, lies and destructive behaviors. I felt like I was home at last and I let my guard down a little. Though I am still a part of this community, this feeling lasted only a couple of years until I had to face the truth, though I had much in common, I was still “special” and proceeded to work to “fit in” once again.

You see, I’m Autistic and all that implies. Hyper focus, given to routine, poor socialization skills, difficulty in forming and maintaining relationships, the whole eye contact thing (I have been practicing that for over 55 years and I still get it wrong) and so on. I am “high functioning” with (if you believe the tests) a high IQ. Sounds good, but to me it’s like being the car in the junkyard with the best paint job and good tires. I know, I know, just stop it. You must admit though it is a pretty good line. Shhh…just between you and me, the whole IQ testing thing, today I am pretty sure all it really denotes is someone who takes IQ tests well. Just sayin.

There used to be a thing called Asperger Syndrome, which pretty much described me. It is not a thing anymore though, which kinda sucks cause Asperger sounds like you’re having a burger made from snake and only real men eat snake burgers, I could see John Wayne or Errol Flynn eating a snake burger and liking it (remember, born in 55).

It wasn’t until President Kennedy came to office that the approach to mental health and how we address and work with children who are “special” began to change. In the ensuing decades a new world of resources and understanding has emerged, and had I been born a decade or so later, my life probably would have had a very different trajectory.

There are myriad of ways we can be defined, if we allow it. I am not DISabled; I am just other abled. I see the world through a prism of colors, sounds and textures different than you, not a good thing or a bad thing, it just is what it is. On the upside, having studied people’s expressions (micro and macro), vocal inflections, body language, etc. since I was a small child, I have an uncanny ability for “reading” people and predicting behavior, especially those who suffer from addiction.

Today, maybe it has to do with getting older, but I don’t care anymore about “fitting in,” I want to spend the rest of my days free of the fear-based restrictions I placed on myself and be honest. I met a young man recently who was Autistic, I asked him how he was coping with life and fitting in. You know what he said? “Screw’em. If they don’t like me for who I am, I don’t want them in my life.” I cried.

We all have gifts and talents, are part of the grand fabric of life, the tapestry of colors truly a wonder. All here to teach and be taught, no one without or lacking value. Today I see the world through a new pair of glasses and though the music in my mind is somewhat different from yours, it is all part of the great symphony, every note of value, even those off key for they provide the impetus for change and growth. The key is, and always has been, love, and from love acceptance and respect.

So, if we ever meet in the “real” world, whatever that is, I may say something a little off key or be a little too blunt, but don’t take it personally. Oh, and I am told I can be a little intense so there is that. It is just me, being me, no longer in hiding, and chances are excellent I will probably say something that will make you laugh and though I don’t own a 1949 Buick Roadmaster convertible I am an excellent driver.

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sunshineweb · 6 years

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My Interview with Farnam Street’s Shane Parrish

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Shane Parrish is the curator behind Farnam Street, a website aimed at mastering the best of what other people have already figured out. Shane is the founding partner of Syrus Partners, a holding company that acquires and operates businesses in North America. Before Syrus, Shane worked as an executive in the Canadian government, where he led the creation and execution of key cyber-defense initiatives.

This isn’t your typical value investing interview, but one around topics of reading, learning, and multidisciplinary thinking.

Over to Shane!

Note: This is an excerpt of my interview with Shane Parrish that was originally published in the December 2017 issue of our premium newsletter – Value Investing Almanack (VIA). To read the entire interview and more such interviews and other deep thoughts on value investing, business analysis and behavioral finance, click here to subscribe to VIA.

Safal Niveshak (SN): Please share about your background. What led you to the wonderful work you are doing at Farnam Street today?

Shane Parrish (SP):

I started working for an intelligence agency on Aug 27, 2001. Two weeks later the world changed forever, and I was thrust into a leadership role — not because of any competence on my part but rather because of necessity. As the promotions kept coming, I realized that I was increasingly making decisions that impacted not only my team and their families but also the organization and people around the world. The problem was, I had no idea “how to make decisions.”

My first response to this was to look around the organization and study how most successful people made decisions. This was a great inside view. To complement that I wanted to get an outside view, so I decided to get an MBA.

As intelligence agencies are incredibly insular, I figured the MBA was an opportunity to study decision making in the context of other environments. Only it didn’t really work out that way. A few weeks into my MBA, I realized that I wasn’t going to learn what I wanted to learn. I happened to run into someone who pointed me to how these two guys in Omaha made decisions. I was hooked. While I didn’t quit my MBA, I stopped doing almost all my homework and just focused on learning about Buffett and Munger.

When I decided to keep track of what I was learning, I created a website. That first website was called 68131.blogger.com. The reason it was 68131 is twofold. First, that’s the zipcode for Berkshire Hathaway’s main office. Second, I figured no one would ever type in a series of 5 seemingly random digits to get to a website. The site, which I no longer own, was a means for me to keep track of what I was learning. It was intended just for me.

To look at what it’s become today is crazy. From those beginnings we’ve come a long way. It wasn’t until about 2013 that I changed the website to farnamstreetblog.com so people could remember what to type in. Now we also have fs.blog which makes things even simpler.

Today we cover more than just decision making, but that’s always been the root of what we’re doing. Leading a good life is often a function of: Having good habits, good relationships, and making good decisions as they arise. It’s simple but not easy, my favorite category.

SN: You’re a voracious reader on a wide variety of topics. How did you first get interested in reading?

SP: When I was young, I hung out with the wrong kids. I was too busy to read — too busy with television, video games, and trouble. My report card was full of D’s. My teachers were not optimistic about my future to say the least.

Grade 8 was one of the worst years of my life. At 13 years old, I moved across the country to live with my biological father for a year. I had no rules. I could drink. I could stay out late. And I had near zero consequences.

Making friends was easy. One thing I’ve discovered is that it’s very easy to befriend the wrong people. These friends brought trouble — a lot of trouble. What began as childhood mischief quickly escalated into more serious problems. Skipping school was the least of my worries. If nothing changed I was headed to jail.

I can’t remember how I picked up The Stopwatch Gang, but that was the first book I read cover to cover. That book probably saved my life. I remember it because my friends knocked on the door to cause trouble, and I said “no” for the first time. Of course, I couldn’t tell them I wanted to finish a book. No, I told them I wasn’t feeling good and went back to my room to finish reading. As chance would have it, my friends found themselves in a police car that night.

Reading became a way for me to escape my reality and stay out of trouble. I could live in an alternate world. As I spent more and more time in my room alone, and less and less time with my so-called-friends, the amount of trouble I found myself in rapidly declined.

I was never the same after the year. Through reading I escaped a lot of disastrous outcomes. I returned to my mother for Grade 9 a very different person. And while we couldn’t afford many books, reading has changed my life.

One thing I did right away was that I changed my peer group to the smart kids. I learned how to program computers. Getting good grades became the expectation.

After University, I got a fantastic job working for an intelligence agency. I was making more money in my first year than my parents made combined in their last year. The only thing this changed for me was that I could buy any book that I wanted to read. Now my collection is over 2,000 volumes.

SN: That’s wonderful, your journey and your collection! Coming to the chief problem for someone who reads a lot, how do you retain what you read? Do you have any specific system for making notes and keeping track of what you’ve read?

SP: I get asked this question so many times, I wrote an in-depth article on how to remember what you read.

Let’s assume that you mean learn instead of retain. For me retain implies simply banging back some answer. It doesn’t mean I understand what I’m talking about. The world values understanding over retention, school is sometimes the opposite.

I’ve spent the last few years doing a deep dive into learning. Not just the academic theory but putting it into practice on myself and others. I’ve been experimenting with helping others learn better through our courses and our learning community, and I’ve dramatically improved learning outcomes across a wide variety of subjects for thousands of people from very different backgrounds.

One of the biggest misconceptions is that people think to read is to learn — we tend to think that just because we read something that we’ve learned it. That is simply not true.

To learn you need to mentally engage with what you’re learning. If it helps, picking up a book and reading it passively is the equivalent of going to the gym, but watching other people workout. You still have to actually do something for yourself – to own the book You have to think about what you’re reading and why you’re reading it. This is the work of reading. You won’t get the results you seek until you start to do this mental work. One thing I do that seems to resonate with others is to do the Feynman Technique before and after reading a book and compare the differences.

SN: What are some of the books that you’ve re-read multiple times?

SP: Oh man. There are many.

The first one that comes to mind is Poor Charlie’s Almanack, which I hope everyone reading this has gone through many times. I re-read portions of that basically every single year, and I keep learning new things. I re-read the Meditations by Marcus Aurelius with some regularity, of course. I re-read biographies I like – I’ve read the Buffett biographies several times, Steve Jobs’ biography, and a number of others. I also re-read great multidisciplinary books like The Lessons of History by Will Durant. Of course, that’s a short one. Re-reading is more important than reading. Schopenhauer nailed this.

SN: What big ideas have you changed your mind on in the last few years?

SP: My biggest learning over the past few years was to understand the value of vulnerability, especially amongst my close friends. I used to think that being open about discussing my worries, problems etc. was burdensome – but I learned that being a good friend means being open, sharing my problems and sharing my thoughts.

I wrote a piece about this on FS that resonated with a lot of people I think. It’s been a big change for me, it’s made me a better friend I hope. I have learned lots of other good ideas, but that one is important to note.

SN: What does your typical day look like?

SP: On a typical day, I’ll drop the kids off at school and head to the office. My mornings are blocked off for deep work. This is when I’m most creative and focused. Meetings and emails are moved to the afternoon. Everything else needs to fit in before I pick up the kids after school, and if it doesn’t, it gets dropped. At night we spend 30-45 minutes reading together before bed. The kids are now into the “Who Was…” series, so it’s fun. We’re learning together. After they’re asleep I’ll write down my top 3 priorities for the next day, read some of my own books, and then off to bed.

SN: Wonderful, Shane! Thanks for sharing your insights. I wish you all the best for your work and life.

SP: Thank you Vishal.

The post My Interview with Farnam Street’s Shane Parrish appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

My Interview with Farnam Street’s Shane Parrish published first on https://mbploans.tumblr.com/

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vincejonesuniverse · 5 years

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