#bitches learned of my transgenderism SO quickly

[apollos-boyfriend]

so my younger cousin is flying in to visit from brazil on sunday, and will be staying here for like, the entirety of july. which, don't get me wrong, is super cool! i love the kid! but it felt like a super weird move, considering his parents are the SUPER strict and borderline helicopter parents. even the smallest prank/roughousing with him/his little sister would lead to a strict talking to from his parents, he couldn't ever do anything without their clear permission, that sort of stuff. so letting him fly at alone at 16 to a whole different country and stay there for a whole month seemed WILDLY out of character. additionally, it just felt like a super last-minute trip. it's not like we have any plans to do when he gets here, and the flight itself and stuff only got booked like, midway through june.

and i was talking to my mom about it, kind of trying to nudge some answers out of her, and after a while she went, "yeah, i think they're sending him over here to get away for his boyfriend. see if the distance breaks them off." which, first of all, surprised me because last i checked, they didn't KNOW he had a boyfriend. literally everyone in the family did EXCEPT for them because while that entire side of the family being semi-conservative, his parents (mostly his dad) are EXTREMELY old-fashioned. so clearly something already went wrong. and considering the only reason the rest of the family knew is because one person found out and it spread like wildfire, i have a sneaking suspicion he wasn't the one to tell them, either.

and second of all. they're sending him HERE. to try to make him forget his homosexuality. i couldn't do anything but just wordlessly gesture to the multiple pride flags scattered around my room, then to myself, because really? he has like two other cousins in the us and they're sending him to me? honey i am about to introduce this kid to queer scenes you have never even heard of. he'll be returning home with labels only shrimp can perceive

#icarus speaks #i fully believe she's correct btw #they are. not the brightest people. and honestly probably believe this is something that could work #cause i can see the logic of get him away and hopefully he'll realize it's a phase. which is Likely what they think #but oh honey you have a big storm coming #side note this is the SECOND time someone's been outed without permission on that side of the family 😭 #bitches learned of my transgenderism SO quickly #also even if that's NOT why they sent him here. i will still be rocking his world #they have given me Infinite Power and i will use it to make this kid's life as queer as physically possible

[terpsichoreed]

I had a hellacious conversation while I was trying to leave work to get to rehearsal. Blatant homophobia and transphobia. It made me so uncomfortable that I couldn’t go to rehearsal because I was so shook up. People really think like that. And talk like that. And they’re everywhere. And they truly believe it, which is what made me so sick.

It all started because I called him out for sexism. I won’t use his name but I will describe him: straight, white, male, able bodied, mid-forties, lives in a fairly small town, upper middle-class, hunter, community college degree. These are by no means bad traits, I’m only listing them to help prove he’s not as worldly as some of us and how set he is in his ways (as in, he had fewer opportunities to learn about progressive intersectional feminism, but had a wealth of other opportunities and privileges he will probably never know how to check).

His first mistake was saying, “Goodnight ladies. And Abdellah.”

By ladies he meant me (cis female) and Harry who is the butt of all office jokes. I know this is something guys do to each other, but I hate this form of casual sexism. I called him out for his implications that being female implies weakness/that it’s the worse of the two binary genders. Then he, Harry, Jeremiah and I all had to sit down and have a conversation about sexism, stereotypes, language, and connotation. He did sincerely apologize for his behavior and I don’t believe he meant to be sexist. The language is so commonplace that we often don’t think about it’s deeper meaning or origins. I was ready to move on, forgive and forget.

But the conversation quickly turned transphobic, and then homophobic.

Trigger warning!!! skip to the next paragraph... After his first casual transphobic statement, I called him out immediately and told him why it was wrong to say out loud. He claimed "I’m not transphobic: I am against liars and deception”. He said all trans people need to come out to everyone they meet, or else, God forbid, a straight guy could end up in bed with another guy. He also refuses to use correct pronouns when referring to trans people, and he claims homosexuality and transgenderism are classified as diseases in the DSM. I. shut. that. down. I was livid and gave him an earful, as did Harry. Later on he said “I have no problem with gay people, I just don’t agree with what they do.” Why are all homophobic arguments along the lines of “I don’t like PDA when anyone of any gender does it”? Try as you might, I can’t be convinced that’s how you truly feel. Contrary to popular belief, even this uncuddly cactus (ace, aro, touch averse) bitch supports respectful PDA.

At first I thought Harry was just playing Devil’s advocate, but it felt like he believes in acceptance and tolerance. I had no idea he was so socially liberal. Even though we disagree on most everything, the two of us worked together to argue in favor of the liberal agenda. Thank goodness Harry came out of left field and spoke so eloquently because I was so shook I couldn’t speak without stuttering. Today would have been his last day at the company if his layoff hadn’t been cancelled.

I was just sick over this. While Harry and Jeremiah don’t have any trans friends, I do. This felt like it was a direct attack on them. My friends are great people and this guy would never be able to see past the “trans” or “gay” labels to see their greatness firsthand. There is nothing wrong with being LGBT. A salty married man tries to justify homophobia/transphobia by telling of his fears of being hit on by someone of his same gender. His strongest argument against homosexuality is that it’s “icky” and cringeworthy. We can fight this. We have to fight this.

I voted in the primaries and plan to vote next week, but I have been severely uninformed about what’s going on with the rest of the world. This conversation made me wake up to the fact that lives are at risk here. This is real and it has to be stopped. My inner bitch is awake and ready for a fight. This is one we can’t afford to lose.

#tw: homophobia #tw: transphobia #tl;dr #personal #uncuddly cactus bitch #there is nothing wrong with being LGBT