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bts-sexy-reads2 · 6 years

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Dive Part 12

Dive

Jungkook x reader

Warnings: Smut, strong language,

Subject: Smut, Angst

{ More Chapters }

Anonymous said to :

I would like to make a request and I wish you can make it a series. BTS- Jungkook. Smut- it doesn’t matter, anything does it. Angst- 3 (he uses you but you catch feelings and because of it you don’t seem to notice he’s using you, until one day.) sorry if that doesn’t makes sense. AU- 2,5 and you can make something on your own too. I JUST REALLY LOVE ANGST, SO PLEASE MAKE PURE ANGST OUT OF IT, I AM FEELING SAD THESE DAYS, I LIKE TO CRY! 😊😊😙😙😍

{ Jungkook POV }

I stared at my reflection as the gash in my lip healed, dried blood stained my chin, blood shot eyes stared back into my own. “i shouldn’t have drank so much before…” I sighed bending over the sink and splashing water up into my face, rubbing at the dried blood as i hiss from the feeling of cleaning my cracked lip.

I saw his eyes as i stared at my own. How he looked at me as i kissed (y/n), showing him clearly that she was mine. Mine until she left… I slammed my hands angrily against the sink, head burning from the headache that was coming on from losing my buzz. Music thumped behind the bathroom door, voices i didn’t even know screaming and loving on one another; only to stain my walls with unknown memories.

(y/n)…

She hung up on me after i got in here. I stared at my cracked phone screen remembering how i threw it on the ground when she hung up on me. i scared her away. that and Jimin ruined it for me. She was so soft, smelled good and was cute. She made me feel something every time i kissed her… it scared me.

“Jungkook come to your room when you are done in there.” Namjoons voice spoke into the back of the door. Chest tightening as i thought of what he could possibly want.

“k'ay.”

Pushing past a bunch of drunk needy girls was honestly so annoying. It made me just look forward to moving away from this god awful city. “what do you want- why are all of you in here?” I questioned as i opened my room just to see taehyung, namjoon, and Yoongi sitting on my floor; passing around a lit joint. “can you not smoke that in here-.”

“sit, we are waiting for Jimin.”

“Why?”

Yoongi cocked his head back as he released a cloud of smoke, eyes locking with my own. “because we need to talk about (y/n).”

{ (y/n)’s POV }

what did he just say?

“I was dating this girl, Chasity. But before that i was just like jungkook. Sleeping around and shit. But Chasity was different to me. She sent me some nudes and i kept them of course, mainly cuz i was her boyfriend and you know-.”

“Jimin.”

“Anyway, I found out she cheated on me with jungkook. So being the dumbass freshman I was, I sent her nudes out to a few people.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you listened to him pour his story out to you. “thats so-.”

“I know.” He paused, eyes glossy as he finally looked at you again for the first time since he started telling the story. “i think about it everyday and reflect on it. I want to be better.”

“Jimin how could you-.”

“(y/n) i was young and dumb and i thought it was the best way to get back at her because i loved her.” He spoke aloud closing his lips after hearing himself. "i loved her… and he took her from me…“ He muttered as he stepped closer to you and sighed. "Jungkook wasn’t really my friend anymore after she was found dead. He tried telling me that she forced herself on him. At first i believed it. But then i watched him pick up girl after girl, slept with them, and throw them away.” He paused. “After i came to realize it was really him who convinced Chasity to sleep with him, i found every guy in school with the picture and paid them to delete it.”

Silence fell over the two of you. Your temples pulsed as you took in all this information. The cute boy from 8th grade was talking about a rough time from his past and believes he is the reason the girl is dead. There is proof that he probably is but no one will really ever know unless they were there. A tear slipped down Jimins cheek as he turned away from you, your feet moving on their own as you grab him and turn him to look at you. “everyone makes mistakes. Dumb terrible mistakes. But mistakes none the less.”

“I killed her though…” He muttered voice breaking as another tear slipped down his cheek. “I killed the one thing i actually cared about.” He frowned leaning forward and placing his head on your shoulder, body tensing as he shook and stained your shirt. “I shouldn’t have sent out that picture, I should have just talked to her-.”

“Jimin you cant change the past but you can learn from it.” You reassured him as you pulled him off your shoulder, cupping his face in your hands. “It’ll be okay.”

You told him that, that night. But could you believe your own words? Here you were believing that jungkook was a bad guy. Maybe you just needed to talk to him as well? no. You shook your head at your thought as you rinsed the shampoo from your hair and continued onto conditioning it. You wanted to focus back on your normal life. To stick to the walls again, do your homework, ace every test and finally graduate.

You had your moment of fame.

And now it was time to hide in the shadows again.

“So you arent talking to him anymore?” Sarah questioned as you woke from the guest bed beside hers. You were back to spending the night at her house more than your own, it felt like home to you again. You nodded your head and yawn a yes as the thick smell of bacon entered the room. “I cant believe you are missing out on an opportunity with Jungkook.”

“I just dont feel like being one of those girls Sarah, simple as that.” You came to her house that night and told her everything that has happened and what has been going through your confusing head; everything but jimin story.

“Jimin is just like him though-.”

“Jimin is different Sarah.” You answered too quickly, catching your breath as you look at your sock covered feet, “Plus im not trying to date him or anything like that.”

“Cant you just be ‘friends’ with jungkook instead?”

“I still dont think you are getting it and it’s honestly pissing me off.” You replied stepping into the kitchen, sarah hot on your heels; her mother looking at you two fighting.

“Oh dont fight.” she begged pouring orange juice in your cups and placing the syrup on the table.

“All i am trying to say to (y/n) is that she needs to get out of her bubble and let herself experience somethings-.”

“And all im trying to say is that i had enough of that and im ready to grow up.”

Silence filled the room as the two of your chewed intensely; her mother breaking the silence. “is this about drugs?”

You spent the rest of your slow sunday with a mutually agreement between Sarah and you to not talk about jimin or jungkook anymore. So the two of you went to the mall where, of course, Sarah met with her boyfriend jackson. They were honestly really cute together. They were the same height, wore practically the same clothes and took several pictures of each other in secret.

“Have you tried their wraps from here?” Jackson questioned your frozen body as you stared at the menu in front of you. Eyes scrolling up to his own to signal that, no you haven’t. “I’d recommend it dude, its like sex in your mouth.”

Sarah nudged jackson to lower his voice because we were still in public. “I think ill pass on that.” You joked ordering what you normally get and waiting for it to be done. You watched the tables fill with other shoppers as you stood there, straw in hand. “Who would have thought a sunday would be so packed at the mall.”

“Nah this is actually the better of the days.”

“Really?” You cocked your head at jackson, admiring the slight eyeliner he had on. pointing at it you smiled, “Dude you wear makeup?”

“N-n-no.” He stuttered slapping your hand away making you laugh at his embarrassed body as your name is called for your food. “Go find us a table trooper.” He spoke to you saluting you as you disappeared int he sea of mall eaters.

shes dating a complete dork. You smiled at yourself as you spot a table by the large windows, napkins and crumbs littered it but it was empty. You jumped at the table, slammed your tray down and cleaned the area around you. “perfect.” Your mouth watered at the food on your plate.

As you were about to chow down, you could hear your name a few tables down from you. Eyes widened as yous stared at the bodies a few feet away from you. Namjoon and Yoongi were sitting there sipping on coffee and muffins. You threw up the hoodie you wore as you listened to what you could hear.

“Dude all im saying is we were right about (y/n).”

“No i get that but Jungkook is too childish still.”

“I think he’s changed a bit.” Namjoon sighed as he sipped at his coffee once again. “He’s saying he cant have a serious relationship with her but he cant get her off his mind, even if he’s fucking some other chick.”

You were stuck. Stuck staring at the sandwich in your hand, condiments spilling from the buns and onto your knuckles. What was he saying? Jungkook what….? Chest tightened, throat closed, and mind fell fuzzy. Jungkook cant stop thinking about you.

but he fucked some other chick….

Before you could stop yourself the knot in your throat broke and tears began to stain the bun in your hands.

“(y/n)! Found ya!” Jackson screamed loud enough the have the entire cafeteria stare at you. Your head immediately snapped in the direction namjoon and yoongi were sitting in, eyes widening, lips mouthing your name. “Whats wrong-.”

Before anyone could ask you what was wrong, you took off running through crowds of hungry people and angry shoppers. Your chest tightened as you rounded the nearest corner and out the exit door, cool air kissing your wet cheeks as the storm clouded sun screamed at you.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck.” You uttered to yourself as you began walking down the sidewalk, palms pressed against your eyes as you tried to calm yourself. you didn’t want to be this upset over something as stupid as this. But it really did hurt. When was it he slept with someone else. Was it after you didn’t have sex with him the first time? Was it that night?

Your phone vibrated in your hand as the storm clouds finally broke and soft patters of rain kissed your hoodie. You took cover from one of the closed stores, sitting on the cold cement as a curtain of rain began to fall. The smell of rain was calming, the patters hiding your own sobs from yourself.

more messages streamed in from Sarah until she began to call you. You answered it quickly.

“Where did you go!” She screamed on the other side of the phone.

“I-.”

“Is that here?”

Your eyes widened tot he deep voice as the phone is taking and namjoon begins to talk. “(y/n) come back here and we can talk about this to your face instead. Can you do that?” He asked calmly, hands shaking as you rose to your feet and stared at the rain in front of you.

“Can you come to me alone please?”

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strawbbygjrl · 5 years

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hi,hey. i’ve had a tumblr for quite awhile at thispoint. and at a time i wanted to get all popular and have a following and be noticed. but i quickly gotover that. now im20. im 20 fuckng years old. im 20 and i feel like im 14 and trapped in my head. like most 14 year olds i was sad all the damn time, like depressed but like okay . like clearly not okay but i was “handling it” like i didnt tell anybody. and that was freshman year right so like 2014i was 14 ish. and so highschool. 4 years . 4 years of being sad. struggling. but like i liked it. i hated it but i never did anything about it? idk no need to beat myself up for that. i just i was okay and then my best friend was in love with my and i wasnt and that fucked me up, fucked us both up for sure. not to mention my friend group kinda like belittled me and always attacked what i said and people always pointed out how weird i was and lots of other things and i just like lost my spark. 8th grade was amazing i felt on top of the world i didnt let any thing people said get to me . i had an amazing friend and we had so much fun all the damn time (we are still friends thank god <3 ) but highschool like killed me, i grew quiet by sophomore year when we both switched schools together, i traveled for the second half and she went back .at that point i was talking to this guy, and as far as horrible people go he makes the cut. but i let him crush me to bits from the inside out. so we get to junior year and i must be completey fucked up at this point because i dont remember it at all. i spent contless wasted moments texting, snapchating and practically obsessing over a fucking psycho ass hole. i listened to music 24/7 and every time i hung out with my friends i felt like i didnt really fit. like i belonged to a different group of people that i never got the chance to meet. i was in theater in highschool and that was a horrible experience. and senior year i dont remember well either. then the past two years ive been at community college and still depresed and anxious . i cant even walk across campus without fear of having to talk to someone even if i knew them its just so uncomfortable. and in classs i was bored out of my mind . zero concentration. not to mention trying to study?? to sit down and write a paper?? and when i got myself to research things i couldnt hold in any information past my eyes for more than a second. id try to work and id just cry. id completely break down. id write and rewrite and try to read it over and it never made any sense to me. i just couldnt . the second year i ended up giving up finals week because i thought i just couldnt do it which looking back was so stupid because i probably would havefucking passed at the very least. and so this last semester i dropped two of the three classses and bearly passed the one i stayed it.

i had a brief moment of bliss when i started hanging out with an old friend who is now my boyfriend. it was so nice at first like getting to know him and hanging out with his roomates it was all very fun for those few months and i was working at olive garden and then came new yearas and i quite olive garden and practically moved in w my borfiend whos crashing at his parents . and so here iam now. the joy i felt getting to know him , all that new fuzzy feeling . it faded. it was no longer enough to destract form my painful insides. and ive been doing so bad . i was on a birthcontrol that seriously fucked my head up i was crying on the daily . and i switched to one that doesnt do that but my original depression anxiety is back and i dont know if its always been this bad or it i am just more grown and more wise, if i am just now more aware of how un normal the way i feel is. and im just so fucking sick and tired of this .

i am thnkfully not suicidal. i made a point to myself ,when i was first feeling depressed and tried some mild self harm, that killing myself wasnt an option and hurting myself was stupid and woiuld only cause more problems and make it harder to hid so i dont do that, even if sometimes i want to beat myself up. its not my fault . im just so sad that this is my life. oh man i just started crying . i told my doctor yesterday and i have a n apointment with a councilor tomorrow. im scared i dont want to cry in front of them, and i know ill break down at the first mention. anyway. im probably going to go on antidepressants and im kinda scared of the side effects or that it wont work.

plus im trying to move and well any of you whove moved out on there own with no help can vouch for how stressful that is, plus all this anxiety and depression on top of that you can imagine how shitty i feel lately, maybe.

so this wasnt cheerful or insparational i just needed to pu this out here. im not going to fix the spelling errors or grammer becuase it doesnt matter. wish me luck. lets hope i can get to a point of such happiness that it makes up for the past 6 years .

#self harm mention #suicide mention #depression #anxiety #strawbbygjrl #my posts #miakodank

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