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#but its still exhausting. especially when the conversation goes on those rails while undermining specifically my identities
the-kipsabian
·
9 months
Text
.
#feeling really weird in my body tonight so im going back to bed
#idk just.. have had gender and identity issues today. its just. a lot
#like being ngc and not out of the closet cause i dont wanna talk about it is so exhausting and im just. yeah
#not to mention the whole aroace thing
#just been thinking a lot today. idk. i know im not faking any of it but bringing it out to ppl is just. so much sometimes
#i have two irl friends who know. one thats thankfully very careful about it around other friends cause he knows im not out yet
#but its still exhausting. especially when the conversation goes on those rails while undermining specifically my identities
#without these ppl knowing about it. and i dont wanna talk about it cause technically its irrelevant but like..
#idk. im just afraid of being left alone. being called awkward and weird and faking it and that its just a phase and... yeah idk
#idk where this is going im just complaining now. i would just like to exist as myself without having to explain shit
#cause these are terms and things i would have to explain. oh whats an agender? then why do you still look feminine and not enby(???)
#how do you know youre ace if youve never dated? or aro?? as if these things dont work the other way around
#im just already tired of it but i feel like eventually i should break it out. these ppl are my friends. we have a trans person in this grou
#and ppl understand him and his perspective. i guess part of that is the thing im afraid about tbh. that they think im following a trend
#or an example. that i havent been dealing with this for at least like five or six years before they came out as enby and later trans to us
#but.. idk. its just hard. these identities are so hit and miss with ppl and them understanding and being hurtful later on
#aaaand now im crying. this is so stupid im going to bed good night
#night is an absolute mess on main
#(tho be clear tho ive known im ace for over half of my lifetime now. the five to six years was about being agender/enby. fyi)
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