#and ppl understand him and his perspective. i guess part of that is the thing im afraid about tbh. that they think im following a trend

[agueforts]

sometimes i think when some of u talk about gorgug u forget zac isn't white

#aspen tag #it's not like a concrete thing i just get the vibe sometimes #like sometimes ppl phrase things abt his heritage and relationship to his rage #or how he fits with gnomish culture n stuff #in a way that kinda frames it as like..... passive #when there's obviously very deliberate themes being explored #or like. idk. #talk about him in a way that gives the impression they've never thought about it from the perspective of race #i'm having an autism moment or smth and the tone machine is like fully offline rn #but i guess i just don't get how someone could just. not consider it at all #it's not like it's a stretch it's very much like. baked into him #his parents don't understand his rage or how it's a part of him #their house isn't made for someone his size #he shies away from anger because he already knows the world wasn't made to fit him #he spends s1 looking for his bio parents-- people who'd be like him. who he could connect to with this part of himself #digby & wilma don't talk to the rest of their families because they thought adopting gorgug was a bad choice! #their parenting (well-meaning as it may be) is all about redirecting rage #and gorgug's teaching himself not just how to channel it constructively #but how to be comfortable with it at all #because the environment he's in doesn't offer security in expressing it. not for people like him #and so he's learned to control it and distance himself from it #in a way that he has to dismantle to fully engage with his barbarian class #it's just. it's there #i can't convince of a world where someone could look at him and just. not see it #idk how to end this. yeah 👍 #d20

[the-kipsabian]

.

#feeling really weird in my body tonight so im going back to bed #idk just.. have had gender and identity issues today. its just. a lot #like being ngc and not out of the closet cause i dont wanna talk about it is so exhausting and im just. yeah #not to mention the whole aroace thing #just been thinking a lot today. idk. i know im not faking any of it but bringing it out to ppl is just. so much sometimes #i have two irl friends who know. one thats thankfully very careful about it around other friends cause he knows im not out yet #but its still exhausting. especially when the conversation goes on those rails while undermining specifically my identities #without these ppl knowing about it. and i dont wanna talk about it cause technically its irrelevant but like.. #idk. im just afraid of being left alone. being called awkward and weird and faking it and that its just a phase and... yeah idk #idk where this is going im just complaining now. i would just like to exist as myself without having to explain shit #cause these are terms and things i would have to explain. oh whats an agender? then why do you still look feminine and not enby(???) #how do you know youre ace if youve never dated? or aro?? as if these things dont work the other way around #im just already tired of it but i feel like eventually i should break it out. these ppl are my friends. we have a trans person in this grou #and ppl understand him and his perspective. i guess part of that is the thing im afraid about tbh. that they think im following a trend #or an example. that i havent been dealing with this for at least like five or six years before they came out as enby and later trans to us #but.. idk. its just hard. these identities are so hit and miss with ppl and them understanding and being hurtful later on #aaaand now im crying. this is so stupid im going to bed good night #night is an absolute mess on main #(tho be clear tho ive known im ace for over half of my lifetime now. the five to six years was about being agender/enby. fyi)

[im-a-hoping-beetch]

Many people genuinely get confused when we, native people, get uncomfortable when Katara, a native character, is reduced to a mom and her canon relationships with characters are put down in favour for a boy who lived in a society that benefitted from her oppression, antagonised her and her friends for most of the series and was even racist at times. But because he's hot and had an episode with katara, everything should be forgiven, because god forbid a native girl gets with anyone who isn't from a group of people who aided the genocide of her people. God forbid two characters who experienced genocide have a relationship and connect over this shared trauma, in favour for boy who also has mom trauma

Look, while I can understand your feelings of discomfort towards the ship, I’d still like to put certain things into perspective.

Now, I don’t really know what you meant by her being “reduced” to a mom. Do you mean that her relationship with Zuko would confine her to such a role? Which, by the way, is absolutely laughable, since one of the main reasons why so many ppl ship these two is bcz unlike every member of the gaang (aside from Suki), Zuko is the only one with who she doesn’t have to act like a surrogate mother. Katara is allowed to be angry and be vulnerable with him. All things that we rarely see her be able to do with the rest of the bunch, let alone her own brother.

Actually, one of the main appeal of the two is bcz, both have the same level of of maturity and similar way of interacting with the members of the gaang. Which is why so many ppl label the two as “parents of the group”.

But, if you’re talking about how, we zutarians usually talk abt the intricacies that come with her being a motherly person, I’ve got some news for ya. Most of us, usually, never fail to highlight how much of a tragedy, her being pushed into a role of adulthood at such a young age is. Also, on how, ironically, her canonical partner (Aang) has never really helped with that phenomenon, actually he perpetuated it even further.

Besides, wanna talk abt canon relationships being put down for a boy, well, look no further than canon itself, anon. I’m guessing that you’ve probably read this post, due to the phrasing at the beginning of your ask. One thing I specifically touched on, was how much of Katara’s existence seems to revolve around Aang, the biggest example being, the comics. In them, we do see the creators ready to strain Katara’s established relationships with the gaang (aside from her brother) in order to shove kataang down our throats. Cuz if you think abt it, Toph and Katara’s interactions are heavily reduced, let alone meaningful ones and do not even get me started on Zuko or Suki.

Yes, Zuko lived in a society that benefited from her oppression. He has antagonized her and her friends. But Zuko is also made to recognize the harm his actions have caused. Additionally, at no point is he not faced with the consequences of what he has done towards the gaang. Every single member gets to express anger or/and resentment over what he’s done in the past, Katara is no exception. Actually, she’s the one who’s given the most leeway in terms of doing so. Even for things he had no control over such as her mother’s death and the fire nation raids. However, instead of whining about how he’s not responsible for all of this taking place, something he could’ve easily done, he makes it up to her. He helps her seek justice for her mother while her canonical future boyfriend is out here reducing her righteous anger to blindsided revenge.

I don’t know what you mean by “Because He’s hot and had an episode with her, everything should be forgiven.” To me, that last part owed to make me scratch all the dandruff off my braids. Language is a powerful tool, but often than not, people don’t really know how to use it nor seem to understand the ramifications of their use. When you say “everything should be forgiven”, you are framing forgiveness as something passive, when, here, it is active. Someone does the action of forgiving Zuko, Katara does. Katara forgives him, because he earned it.

Right now, I’m assuming that you thought you were in defence of Katara, but the truth is that you are actually perpetuating an habit that many have had when it comes to the Southern Raiders. Which is to perpetually strip any agency Katara has in an episode literally centered around her character!?!

Nobody forbid anyone from anything. If people don’t feel comfortable shipping these two, so be it. However, to act as if Zuko hasn’t actively fought against the system that has led to those atrocities being done or like he hasn’t used his position of power in order to make actual change or/and retributions, is simply disingenuous.

Aang and Katara did have a relationship, but have never connected over their shared trauma. More specifically, Aang failed to connect over their shared trauma, when he should have and instead used as a way to silence hers. @sokkastyles makes a very good point about it in this post.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #zutara #anti kataang #anti bryke #anti aang #atla fandom critical #zuko #katara #pro katara #the southern raiders #anti atla comics

[bruciemilf]

tim-liker here! :3 thank u for responding, i think i get ur point. i also am not partial to ppl treating him like he won the suffering olympics or smth bc everyone in that family suffered -- just in different ways. he did suffer a lot of losses all at once, but i think the point of his character is his tenacity to stick to the lifestyle -- arguably to his own detriment bc the things he did to cope...he tightropes the morally grey area like no one's business n tbh that's what makes me drawn to him. i guess nothing i say can make u like him but maybe i can try giving a new perspective...? i'm aware that some of his stans -- with good intentions or otherwise -- tend to blame bruce (who was depressed n mourning) for tim's hardships when he was robin, but i personally see him as the robin who was most fitting to work w/ bruce even when bruce was in that mental state, bc tim is the one most similar to bruce in the "headstrong, mission-driven, self-isolating" kind of way. welp idk if all that makes sense?🥲 but maybe what i'm rly getting to is i rly love ur bruce/batfam/(and bruharvey!!❤️💕) hcs so it's kind of sad that sometimes tim gets sidelined bc some of the takes on his character are...like that. anyways thank u again for replying!! sorry for rambling in ur inbox lol

That's more than understandable! I would love for Tim to be given the complexity he deserves, because you're right, I do think his moral ambiguity can be interesting. As long as it really IS ambiguous and fluctuates.

Moral ambiguity goes only as far as the person writing it and their own angle on morality in general, I think.

My definition of it is a person who understands the stakes, the sacrifices, the bad side effects, and how their decision impacts people around them. Because the grey part has to BE grey. Otherwise youre just writing a self aware asshole.

You don't have to be the hero, but you don't need to be a villain.

Tim, for me, is incredibly self-aware. He knows what's wrong with him just as well as he knows what's wrong with everyone else.

He's a perfectionist and he's self critical and he's goal driven to the point where people get hurt because of his emotional detachment and inability to comprehend that his decision have long term consequences.

But I don't think that's a red mark on HIM, because hey, everyone in the batfamily is like that. The fandom's problem is not understanding that there's no black sheep in a wolf pack.

#asks #tim drake #meta #dc #i agree with everyone who says tim is woobified. but darkness can only make up for complexity so much #i think the core lesson in the batfamily is that they're all incredibly flawed and incredibly damaged people who choose to be good #when they have every reason to be evil

[silver-wield]

Hi! I feel like I've found my people in you. After beating Rebirth, I've had extremely complicated feelings towards the ending and though it's slowly marinating with me. One of the reasons why the ending has been bothering me is because I've just felt off about Aerith's characterizations.

I was endeared by Aerith in remake but in rebirth I totally see the qualities that some people in og did with just how tone deaf she can be. In a way, I find that her character is interesting since she's flawed but her pushiness to cloud just rubbed me the wrong way. If ppl get Aerith in chapter 8's date we see Cloud clearly mourning Jessie and the only thing she cares about is if Jessie was a gf...like girl come on. Do people not see how this comes off?

Which brings me to say, I just don't get Aerith. The devs portray tifa and aerith as close so clearly she knows about Tifa's feelings and even seems to push the two together at times but then she constantly seeks Cloud's affection and even says they went on a date in front of Tifa? That's where her character loses me. Her constant seeming to push CT together yet constantly seeking Cloud's affections despite knowing Tifa has feelings for him and a shared history just doesn't sit well with me.

I can appreciate Aerith recognizes she doesn't know the real Cloud but this is why I'll never understand why Cleriths are so insistent that CA are "romantic" - she dies so she *never* gets to see who the real Cloud is. They clearly have a deep bond that helps enrich the story but the fact that Tifa's role was greatly expanded on in part 2 should be telling but some fans and Cleriths just straight up ignore that. Cloud is also the one who initiates everything with Tifa...the only time he's ever vulnerable and VERBALLY opens up his true feelings is with Tifa (Gongaga) and it baffles me how Cleriths just bypass this entirely. It makes me realize they're just here for the ship and not for the overarching story.

I just feel like I'm being gaslit by Cleriths or some fans who insists that Cloud loves both girls. I'm definitely not denying that the og had more leeway with this but in Remake and Rebirth? I would say the opposite. Tifa is the best suited for Cloud *and* he feels the same way. I am all about shipping whoever you want but CA's are always spewing nonsensical things. The theme songs, the over analyzing hand holding debacle and bringing up japanese culture as if a kiss isn't the most intimate thing between two people regardless of culture. Ignoring the most central theme of the songs which are regret (Cloud's guilt in hollow of failing to save her) ...Yes NPTK is about Aerith TO Cloud but we never see anything from his perspective TO Aerith. Guess who does? Tifa. Cleriths also conveniently ignore that Tifa was pushed to the forefront the entirety of rebirth until the final 2 chapters for obvious plot reasons and they all dismiss Gongaga's near kiss between CT.

Then there's Aerith's dream date at the end...Cloud has no agency in that date, he can't even choose the items himself! It's HER dream and things are predetermined for him. And is it just me or is Aerith basically re-creating her date with Zack in CC? I get why CA's think that dream date is romantic but objectively it doesn't read romantic at all...it just reads tragic because Aerith knows she's about to die - one last ditch effort for her which just doesn't amount to anything other than Cloud caring deeply for her as a person/friend. Or am I just not seeing something that "everyone" else is? Aerith herself sounds unsure how she feels towards him. Yes she has feelings for him but she's never been able to fully define them ("There's liking and there's liking"...huh?) This is also the perfect opportunity for the devs to have both girls in equal footing and cloud still doesn't kiss her or makes his supposed romantic feelings known. I like to understand the "bigger picture" in the narrative and the bigger picture to me is just obviously spells out Tifa in the end - just from a pure narrative standpoint.

And do Cleriths not see how Cloud reacts to Aerith? As someone who actually likes Aerith minus her pushiness to Cloud, even I was surprised at how he straight up told her to stop calling it a date in Costa Del Sol. Cleriths argue it's "cute banter" but this is where they lack media literacy because lmfao if anyone said this to me irl I'd be mortified because Cloud really does not give any indication that he's "joking." And Cloud doesn't even remotely have any kind of dialogue like that towards Tifa at all...even all of Tifa's optional choices are sweet at best and neutral at worst but you can straight up be an ass to everyone else including Aerith.

I just hope that in Part 3, the devs just kill the LTD with finally cementing CT and tying everything nicely with them and Aerith and Zack. Zack is one of my favourite characters ever and I feel like they did him so dirty in this game...having Marlene straight up tell him to his face that Aerith loves Cloud like???? He deserves his happy ending and perhaps WHEN Aerith and him reunite (cause they're both dead they have to right?) then it'll all click to her.

Also, Cloud is a really well written character and I really do not think he'd go after his dead best friend's girl who he just remembered. It's such a disservice not only to Zack but to Cloud's own character. The fact that Cloud says "Zack fair, head over heels for Aerith" is telling, no? Objectively and narratively CT and ZA make the most sense but again I feel like I'm constantly being gaslit into seeing CA when I really don't and the only thing CA has going for them are the last 2 chapters which are Aerith heavy for a reason because you know...she dies lol.

Sorry I didn't mean for this to be long but just wanted to have some engagement on the topic (I know you always get asks but just wanted to get something off my chest!) Thank you so much!

Couple points: hollow isn't about Aerith in any capacity. Hollow is set before Cloud arrives in Midgar and an instrumental of it plays in the wasteland outside Kalm near where Zack died, so yeah, not about her.

And nptk is about zack. If it wasn't then why tf is she crying at the end? If it's about Cloud then why doesn't he acknowledge this obvious confession in her date or any other? Why does he take Tifa's hand? Literally the opening verse about how she didn't know how much time passed until she saw someone who reminded her of Zack is the only part featuring Cloud and it's hardly complimentary. It highlights she only took an interest in him because he reminded her of Zack. Idky anybody would want something that skeevy.

Tbh I hate both songs. They're shit.

Gaslighting is what those dumdums do. They don't play the game, they skim YouTube and lie about the clips they saw.

The best thing to do is block and ignore them.

#ship war #for the plot

[dotdotdango]

i rant a lot abt genya and sanemi so here’s 8 rants abt genya and sanemi that no one asked for. but still got.

dedicated to everyone on twitter that got sad after reading them.

1.

i feel like ppl misunderstand genya i think bc they’re projecting into him like “he should be mad abt what sanemi did” no he shouldn’t????? don’t get me wrong he sure COULD but the whole point of the character is that he doesn’t, bc he’s simply not that kind of person !!

he’s so empathetic. he understands sanemi more than,,, probably anyone lmao, not in a logical sense bc he doesn’t analyze sanemi per se hes just led by feelings !! the thing abt genya is that ppl degrading him didn’t make him hate them, it made him hate himself.

i feel like that’s rlly important to who genya is, his values, how he sees life,,, he’s a naturally forgiving and loving person and sees the good in everyone by empathizing,,,

many people wouldn’t do the same but some other people would and that’s the beauty of his character, that he has his own ideals and perception.

2.

one thing that gets me is that genya was,,, healing. he met friends and people he appreciated and appreciated him. he wasn’t alone as he was when he was a kid and as he was when sanemi was no longer by his side.

he was healing until he wasn’t, right? physically and mentally. not even regeneration, not even having friends could save him. he got strong enough to save others, but not himself.

replying to a comment : I actually think it’s a great trajectory narratively speaking,,, specifically bc it’s unfair. The whole thing with kny is that demons are stronger than human, that their lives are on the line, that it’s a war and people die unfairly.

3.

i think genya didn’t feel like sanemi HATED him or something big like that, i think he just thought sanemi didn’t want him as a brother bc he had hurt him with what happened in their past

genya is hurt bc he wants a good relationship with sanemi and therefore wants to apologize, and that’s where his insecurities abt if sanemi hates him arrive, but he never questions sanemi being a good person

and he doesn’t think sanemi wants him dead or to hurt him, he just thinks sanemi’s mad at him and has every right to be (in genya’s mind)

i interpreted it this way bc of the scene where he talks to tanjiro and tanjiro tells him sanemi isn’t angry (he has doubts abt sanemi’s feelings) and bc of the scene where he punches zenitsu (he knows sanemi’s not a bad person)

(both of this scenes are before sanemi’s confession of his true intentions, bc genya’s perspective could’ve changed after that giving place to the death scene. but this leads me to believe this were his feelings before all of that)

but yeah i think we tend to extrapolate their behavior towards each other to every field when i think it’s not it

genya felt hurt on a personal way bc sanemi was trying to cut their relationship, but i didn’t get the feeling that he felt abused

besides genya being a kind and understanding and forgiving person, sanemi was always dismissive towards him. not aggressive.

i mean, he was mean (and he got worse due to genya not relenting) but his objective wasn’t to actively hurt genya by saying he was a worthless piece of trash, it was more to make him see he didn’t have talent.

but he never searched for genya to degrade him and ruin his life, in fact, what hurt genya wasn’t being degraded it was being ignored. related to what i said earlier abt him wanting a good relationship.

genya also has self esteem issues and i guess it’s partly influenced by what sanemi said but it’s mostly bc it’s true that he can’t use breathes. this never deterred him from eating demons to be able to fight though, he was determined to overcome this.

in kimetsu gakuen it’s said sanemi’s hard on genya so genya can be better and i think it’s based on this part of canon; it’s characteristic of genya bc it helps him get stronger (study more in gakuen) and it makes him kinda doubt himself

(in gakuen he thinks sanemi might like him more if he was smart like the tokito’s) but it ultimately doesn’t mean he has a bad relationship with sanemi, it’s just a depiction of their brotherly dynamic smh.

in canon though, the being ignored part IS what’s making their relationship fail.

also, the fact that genya didn’t think that sanemi hated him (he only wanted to be away from him) explains why he was so surprised in the eye poking scene,,, he didn’t feel like sanemi hated him so he didn’t expect him to do that, it felt out of character for him.

i don’t know what genya thought about sanemi after that but i bet it’s something related to not hating him, but hating that he was eating demons and doing something so foul.

4.

sanemi overthinks about genya. about life. on his desperation not to loose people he loves, he makes intricate plans to push genya away.

genya’s simpler, in a way. “you had many horrible memories and i want you to be happy” he’s not carefully crafted plans to protect, he’s much more genuine. he just loves.

5.

i can’t with the shinazugawas bc they loved each other sm they didn’t want the other to die before them. the only thing sanemi wanted for genya to be alive and viceversa bc they could handle loosing their relationship but they couldn’t handle loosing each other

6.

no bc i just know that genya was terrified while he died but i think that he was also happy that sanemi didn’t, everytime i think abt how selfless he actually was i get sick he deserved sm more

he must’ve also felt so broken bc his brother loved him !!! but they’ll never see each other again !!! and they didn’t enjoy their moments together to the fullest but he really only wanted sanemi to survive and viceversa.

7.

i think a lot abt how family dynamics affect the shinazugawas storyline bc sanemi feels like he has the duty to protect genya bc he’s the older sibling

but genya’s the second oldest . was the second oldest and he also has the instinct to protect

genya feels responsible too and more so after he wasn’t there for sanemi when sanemi needed it the most

he had to fight to protect bc sanemi wanted him to be the one protected but he saw the suffering he wanted to help

he’s an older brother who doesn’t have little siblings anymore

comment : Oh not to mention Genya was the one who witnessed his siblings getting killed, sanemi wasn’t in there when it happened. I feel like that would also effect genya majorly since he seen it happen yk?

YEAH THAT TOO that must’ve affected him sm bc he couldn’t protect anyone that night. sanemi protected genya but genya was there and he was unable to do anything 😭

i think that’s also why he’s so insistent on apologizing to sanemi bc like . looking back he’d see that the only thing he could’ve done that night was at least be there for him and he wasn’t

reply to a comment : yeah sanemi could’ve had better communication skills, but honestly? i get him. he wanted genya to get away and be safe and if he had accepted genya’s apology and showed him a bit of warmth genya wouldn’t have let go 😭

8.

we talk a lot abt how sanemi’s issues affected his relationship with genya but not abt how genya’s issues affected his relationship with sanemi

i feel like more ppl see genya only as a victim bc his way of reacting to trauma was to blame himself but that is too his issue

he could’ve hated sanemi or defended himself but he . didn’t . and he probably should have bc that was what sanemi was aiming to do too 😭 but genya just blamed himself

genya didn’t have to keep being after sanemi given how bad he was being treated, and then sanemi wouldn’t have been driven to extremes

it’s the fact that their interests and ways of reacting to trauma and family dynamics conflict what makes the events of kny possible but genya’s trauma did influence it he wasn’t acting like any normal person would, either.

#kny #genya shinazugawa #sanemi shinazugawa #demon slayer #i rant abt this two too much for my own good #the hyperfixation is taking over #took over three years ago actually #but i’m still not over it #what a clever wordplay im a genius

[elijahlittle]

I have been scouring this fucking app for Julian fics, never really occurred to I can just request some lol.

So yeah, if you're up for it I've got a little plot/trope set up that'd id love to see. Outsider(fem)reader/julian.

Something along the lines of a reader moving into the park from the southern us, new to Canada and parks in general. As an outsider, Julian expected you to be trouble or judgemental, so he acts like a dick to you at first. Later on, he starts to see instead how kind you are to everyone, understanding and totally up for doing ppl favors even when there's nothing for you in the end. This makes him feel real guilty for bein an ass to you, and also makes him start to feel other things towards u.. Take the fic in whatever direction you'd I wanna see u work ur magic

( + no pressure 2 write it ofc!!)

pairing: julian/fem!reader fandom: trailer park boys tags: smut (cis man/cis woman), fluff, a bit of angst, idk this is one of my more normal ones, heavy plot some porn (i kind of felt more plot focused with this one), julian is kind of hung (he gives me big dick energy)  author's note: i'm much more of a ricky kinda guy myself but when i got this request, i got really fucking excited. i loved the idea. i will say, this fic isn't structured traditionally. it's very dialogue heavy and kind of leaves some things up to the imagination. i wanted to establish relationships between the reader and other people in the park as well as share some of julian's private conversations about her. i'm really proud of the way this has turned out, though i'm sorry if it's not the interpretation you might have been hoping for (i'm a little insecure about the way i interpret storylines). i hope you like it, though. i worked hard on it and i'm pretty sure it's the longest julian/reader fic currently on the internet so i'm going to take that fucking win rn. also, i actually live in the southern united states. (fun fact: i'm looking to move because i'm a trans man and life here is kind of ass if you're trans), so i gave the reader a backstory that's kind of unique to what a woman in 1999-2000 would have gone through. i'm not satisfied with the ending though, i'm sorry if this fic is a little lackluster, but we can only go up from here i guess. text blocking this shit was a fucking BITCH. word count: 6,442

everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it.

The cultural climate of Sunnyvale Trailer Park wasn't exactly the most inviting. There were people who lived in the park and then there was everyone else. For the most part, newcomers never lasted more than a few weeks. The bottle kids drove away the weakest among them, but if those kids weren't effective usually Ricky's antics drove away the remaining lot. Sure, there were a few people here and there who moved in quietly, but those were usually the kind of people that minded their own business because lot rent was low enough for them to just ignore Lahey.

But in general, new people were not welcome. Especially know-it-all hipsters trying to live the simple life by casting away their possessions in an expensive storage unit and downsizing to a more humble trailer. Those were the kinds of guys that gave up quickly. Plus, new people threatened the balance of park politics. For the most part, Julian was well-liked and well-respected among the others due to his caring nature and dedication to his loved ones. He protected his own. And if there was one thing Julian didn't like, it was newcomers coming into the park without already knowing someone in it.

"Barb, I really think you should reconsider letting this girl in. I mean, you don't even know who she is." 

"Julian, this is a business, not a family estate. Her credit was just below decent, she has an okay-paying job, and paid three months of rent in advance. From a business perspective, she seems like she'll be a reliable tenant. It's a good thing you've grown close with your community, but you have to remember at the end of the day, this trailer park is here to make money. Whatever fit of paranoia you're suffering through, deal with it on your own time. Next time you come here with a complaint, make sure it's a business one." 

And just like that, Barb had shooed Julian off. What more could he say to that? Well, he had a lot more to say to that but she didn't want to listen. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, she only guided him further to the door. If Julian thought he was the one who ran this trailer park, he had another thing coming for him that's what. This dump needed more reliable tenants - normal folks who didn't like to get into trouble. Barb was trying to turn the park's image around.

"Julian, I just don't understand why you're so against this lady stayin' here. You know I'm no fan of newcomers myself, but she's been mindin' her own. She actually keeps her yard clean, which is pretty fuckin' nice if you ask me. It's nice to pass a yard that doesn't have a million fuckin' pieces of trash thrown all over the front. She even has one of those pink fuckin' yard flamingos in her yard. It's so bright and colorful. There ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of color, Julian. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of change." 

"Are you even listening to yourself talk Bubbles? Can you hear what you're saying? You're saying change for this park is good. Who knows what she believes in. She might hate dope growers, she may be workin' with Lahey, she could get nosy and bust us for dope and you know Ricky and I are growin' a lot of dope -" 

"- I know, I've seen that big fuckin' setup you got in that fuckin' trailer in that shitty little lot -" 

"- so then Bubbles you should know that new people aren't good. We can't trust new people, especially not now. Especially not when we're so close to selling them to those prison guards and retiring. A stranger could compromise the whole thing. Remember those bible scammers that came through here? I've learned my lesson since then and I'm not tryna repeat old mistakes." 

"Jesus Murphy Julian, you need to calm down. Those fuckin' assholes were obviously scammers, it's not like this lady is goin' door to door scammin' people." 

"Sure maybe she's not taking advanced orders on bibles Bubbles, but she is goin' in and out of everyone's house doin' favors for them. Why does she need to see the inside of everyone's house? Do you think she's lookin' for something?" 

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe she's just a nice person doin' a nice thing? Nice people exist. You've been dealin' with dope and crime and jail so much that it's like you forgot how to trust someone. All you think about is dope and how you're going to protect it from everyone else." 

"You're only defendin' her because she brings you boxes of canned cat foods for your cats. She's buyin' you off and you don't even know it." 

"So what if she's helpin' me take care of my kitties? My kitties are the most important things to me and unlike you, she fuckin' knows that. If someone's offering to help take care of my precious little kitties, who the fuck am I to say no?" 

"Bubbles, look -" 

"No, no, nevermind." Bubbles tucks a gray cat further into his arms, his posture becoming more rigid. It's clear that he's done with the conversation, no longer interested in trying to hammer commonsense into Julian's brain. He couldn't see past his own paranoia and it was infuriating. In Julian's mind, everyone in the world was out to get him - even the nice lady across the street who helped his friend support his kitties. "You just don't get it, Julian. I'm goin' back home, come talk to me when you get it." 

Julian was still convinced he was right about this girl. If the bottle kids didn't run you out, he'd just take matters into his own hands. He didn't care whether or not Bubbles helped. Julian was a man of many connections, and even if he couldn't find someone else to get the job done he had no qualms with taking care of the situation himself.

"I mean, if you think that lady's dangerous then you know I'm gonna follow you Julian 'cause you got the brains and stuff behind the projector, but I just gotta let you know I'm still workin' on my grade ten so whatever idea you have you got to make sure it's not illegal 'cause I can't go back to jail, not right before Trinity's birthday. That means we can't do any property damage or breaking and entering or any shit like that." 

"I promise you Ricky we're not gonna go back to jail, we're just gonna annoy the shit out of her until she leaves. I was thinkin' maybe you and Cory and Trevor could host like a really loud party across the street tomorrow night, you know - something to keep her awake. If we get a noise complaint, we'll just shut it down, but then once the cops leave we'll start it back up again. We'll do this for a few nights until she finally decides to move out." 

"That's a pretty fucking good idea, that's smart. Plus, since it's a party we can get drunk and high."

It's 2 a.m. and that fucking party is still going. There were several times you considered calling in a noise complaint but you decided that it was a better idea to just wait it out. It had to end at some point and overall, it was never a good idea to get involved with parties like that because sometimes they got out of a hand, and you were too smart to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Though when you stepped outside to 'check your mailbox' - spy on the party still going on into the early hours of the morning - you find yourself tripping over something. You stumble onto your hands and knees and it's only when you pull yourself up do you really get a good look at the man passed out by your mailbox. It's Ricky, and he's mumbling things almost incoherently. He mutters something about dope, bitches, Trinity, more bitches, Lucy, and good booze. It's a pathetic way to be, but you can't help but feel bad for you.

You use the toe of your shoe to rock his face awake. Ricky sputters before waking up in a drunk panic. He's angry and yelling incoherently, but your promise of a hot shower and a hot sandwich satiates his anger. He struggles his way through a shower, though almost slips a few times. He eats hand to mouth, chewing loudly, and drunk conversation ensues. He shares a lot with you - stuff he probably wouldn't have shared sober. He eventually passes out, not remembering much in the morning. That morning you share breakfast and a little bit about each other. He tried to hate you, he really did, but you were charismatic in a friendly way. There weren't any ulterior motives, you just enjoyed conversation.

"I don't know Julian, she seems fine to me. I mean, she's not all that bad. Her yard is pretty clean and you know, she has that pink little flamingo in her yard and honestly it's pretty fuckin' cute. I mean yeah she's kinda annoying and I hate that fuckin' southern fuckin' cowboy accent she fucking has but whatever. I think you're gettin' worked up over nothin'. You've been so busy tryna push out this lady who hasn't done nothin' wrong to you while I'm over here slavin' away watchin' after these fuckin' dope plants and tryin' to study for my grade ten all while play peepin' tom spy guy on some poor fuckin' lady." 

"You're just saying that 'cause she let you spend the night and made you breakfast."

"You know what I sure as fuck I am! She made me breakfast and kept me from sleepin' on the fuckin' ground drunk as piss and let me use her shower and shit and I didn't even have to put out! It's not like I trust her or anything like that - I didn't talk about dope or nothin' like that at all." That was the truth. "It's just at this point anything is better than fucking Cory and Trevor. I'm not sayin' you gotta like her or trust her, but she's not all that bad Julian. Maybe if you actually got to fuckin' know her like I have you'd see that you're just being a paranoid dickbag." 

"You know what Ricky, you don't anything about her. You're just seeing what she wants you to see. But I'm smart, so I see right through it -" 

"Come on Julian don't be like that -" 

"- and since nobody is going to take care of this fucking situation then I guess I'll have to." 

Julian felt like everyone around him was failing him. Nobody else seemed to feel the same way he did about your existence in the trailer park. As each day passed, Julian grew more overtly snide. When approaching Ricky and Bubbles, Julian never took the time to acknowledge you. It was obvious that he was just being an ass, so you opted to ignore it, preferring not to fight. Silence was Julian's strongest weapon. But as the days ticked by, the tension between you and Julian only seemed to mount itself higher.

It's not like you inherently disliked Julian. In fact, you liked to believe that there was good in everyone and you prided yourself in your ability to be able to pull even the toughest people out of their shell. However, Julian was no easy project. Every time you tried to approach him, he simply brushed you off. You weren't even sure that the two of you had even exchanged any greetings. He hadn't even said hello. So when trying to talk to him didn't work, you simply tried to stay out of his way. This was frustrating for Julian because what he wanted you to do was to blow up and make it a big ordeal. But you didn't. You simply kept to yourself and resumed helping others around the park without complaints. 

There were times where Julian thought about approaching you in the way Julian thinks about approaching any pretty thing in a summer dress that talks to him. But he remains strong in the face of adversity. Gone were the days of chasing anything in a dress. He had a dope business to worry about.

But sometimes the thought would creep up onto Julian ever so slowly. Sometimes, he'd get this kind of fantasy in his head - especially on the Sunday afternoons you'd spend gently pushing yourself back and forth in your rocking chair, enjoying the summer sunlight. He could think of a million ways you two could enjoy the afternoon together, but he often pushed the thought out of his head. He had a park to protect. Friends to protect.

"You know, you have some real nerve comin' up here in this trailer park and putting on a show like you're doing." 

You look up from the rocking chair you were gently pushing yourself back and forth in and offer Julian a small smile.

"So you're Julian?"

Julian can't help but be a bit enamored with your slight southern drawl. It sounds like you're somewhere from the deep southern United States - one of those more rural provinces like Texas or Alabama. He can't quite pinpoint the accent, but he secretly finds it endearing.

"And how do you know that?" 

"I mean, with how much you do for the people here it's kind of hard not to know who you are. Plus, Ricky and Lucy both never seem to shut up about you. You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say they're both in love with you or something. Also, yesterday you came to pick up Ricky and he pointed right at you and said well, there's Julian, see ya later. I just put two and two together." 

"I'm not here to make small talk, (name)." 

"Then what are you here to do, Julian?" 

There's silence. What is he here to do. There wasn't anything that he could reasonably do and he wasn't the terrorizing type if he didn't have to be. Fuck, he had even promised that his greasy trouble-causing days were over. But here he was, standing at the edge of the patio stairs, contemplating whether or not he should threaten a woman.

"I'm just here to ask you about your intentions with Ricky, that's all." 

You can't help but laugh out loud at the comment. "Oh, please. There's nothing going on between us." 

Julian knows that because if there was something going on between you and Ricky, Ricky wouldn't shut up about it and the whole park would know. But he's trying to be covert about his intent to interrogate you.

"Yeah, well . . . there better not be . . . Ricky's a good guy and I'd really hate to see him get hurt . . ." 

"Why are you really here, Julian?" 

Julian stands in silence, thoughtfully cradling his glass in his hand as he tries to come up with a clever lie - but it's hard to think when he catches a glimpse of your thighs pressed together underneath your thin summer dress. He squints and then looks away briefly.

"I just wanted to stop by and tell you more about the culture of Sunnyvale. You know, we're really tight-knit. Like family."

"I know." 

"And you know, family protects family." 

"I know." 

"And you know, I'd do anything for my family." 

"I know." 

"Anything." 

"What are you getting at?" 

"I'm not getting at anything, (name). I'm just givin' you a little more info about our park, just trying to get acquainted with you." 

"Oh, you're trying to get acquainted with me? This is the first time I've spoken to you in the month I've been living here." 

"Well, you know, I was busy with the business I'm running -" 

"- that lawn mowing business you and Ricky got?" 

Is that what Ricky is calling it? "Yeah, we've had a lot of customers so I've been having to do a lot of bookwork to keep up with the business you know. But it's been busy, so I haven't had time to talk, but now I do and I want to get to know you." 

"You want to get to know me?" 

"That's what I just said isn't it?" 

"Well I'll tell you what Julian," You push the chair backwards in thought, looking up at the bright summer sky. The sun shines in your face, warming your skin. It's a nice feeling. "If you really want to get to know me, you'll come over for dinner tonight." 

Julian wasn't going to admit it but he was excited at the prospect of dinner. The last time he shared time - much less a meal - with a woman, she ended up stealing his dope plants and lying to him about being in love. In all fairness, most people would have been wary of someone saying I love you within the first week of getting to know them, but Julian (for the most part) was a hopeless romantic. He liked the idea of a life with someone else. 

Julian told himself that this was strictly business - that he was here to set the record straight. This wasn't get-to-know-you dinner, this wasn't a date. He was just here to let you know that he wasn't going to tolerate funny business. He just happened to be wearing his nicest clean black shirt and he just happened to be wearing one of his nicer pair of jeans - the ones that didn't have the holes in them. Julian knocks on your door. The two minutes he waits for you to answer feels like an eternity but when you open the door, he's glad he's waited. 

"You got a hot date you're going to after this?" 

"What, this?" You look down at the pink summer dress you're wearing, "This is casual." You had always been the more feminine type, enjoying softer clothes and pretty dresses. Plus, unlike jeans dresses were more comfortable. You usher him inside and he obliges, being careful to not spill his drink when he steps in. 

"Dinner is served." Dinner being a massive fucking bowl of macaroni and cheese with cheap ass hot dogs. "Sorry it's not exactly the best, but -"

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Julian sets his glass down. He's actually ecstatic. Macaroni and cheese and fucking hotdogs? "You know, I don't know where you're from but around here this is a five-star meal." 

You give a dry laugh. as Julian picks up his fork to eat. "You'll have to forgive me, I'm kind of new to the whole trailer park life and the whole being poor thing." 

"Oh yeah? Where are you from?" 

"Southern United States." 

"What state?" 

"Texas." 

"That's a long way from here, basically on the other side of the continent. Why'd you come up this way?" Julian tells himself that he's not trying to get to know you because he's interested in you - he's trying to get to know you to get dirt on you, to know what he's up against. 

"I needed an abortion." You answer dryly, "And even though it's been legal for some years now, no physician was wiling to perform one on me." 

"Why come to Nova Scotia? Why not just go to another state?" 

"Well, I figured things were just better here than they were there. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect by any means but it's better than where I was from. At least here I know if I need the service again, it's a little more reliably accessible. Plus, it's not like I had anywhere or anyone I could turn to. So I just kind of . . . stayed." 

"Heavy stuff." Julian sets down his fork, "Didn't have any family to turn to?" 

"No, and even if I did they're not the kind of people I'd want to be around." 

Julian could relate to that.

"So you just came to Canada for an abortion and then decided to stay? You know, when Americans come to Canada they want to go to Quebec. Nova Scotia isn't exactly on the top of the list, let alone Dartmouth. Let alone fucking Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Nobody just moves in here. Come on, (name) . . . what's the real reason why you're staying here?" 

Your mouth runs dry as you consider answering him honestly. "Well, uh . . . you know . . ." You twiddle your thumbs a bit, "I came to Canada with my passport and got my abortion and then . . . I just uh . . ." There's a long pause as your appetite disappears completely. "I didn't have anywhere to go to so I just . . . never left . . . this place was the only place that'd rent to an illegal resident . . ." 

"Holy fuck you don't have your papers?" Julian wasn't sure what kind of story he was expecting but it wasn't that. Now he feels like an asshole. "How did you get a job? How did you even afford this place?" 

"Well, I had some savings so that was a good cushion, but when that ran out I was able to find a job working as a waitress at that little restaurant just out of town. I'm not technically on the payroll, they just don't make me report my tips, and any extra money is kind of . . . earned under the table." You respond sheepishly.

God, Julian feels like such a fucking jackass for being a raging asshole to you. 

"That's . . . hard." Julian doesn't really know what else to say.

"Yeah." 

"Well, I've shared my deepest darkest secret with you. Do you want to share anything with me?" 

You and Julian talk well into the early hours of the morning, swapping life stories, funny anecdotes, and talking about all of the small things in between. Honestly, he feels at ease with you in a way he hasn't felt at ease before. The conversation flows naturally and even the silence you occasionally fall into feels comfortable. It's nearly two in the morning when you both look at the small clock hanging on your wall and realize the time.

". . . well, it's a little late . . ." You stretch in your chair, still sitting across the table from Julian. You don't really want him to go, but you've both run out of things to talk about and you still have some errands you have to run before work tomorrow. "You know, I have some things I gotta do tomorrow . . . but if you're feeling nice, maybe you can pay me back for dinner by making some for me. I'm usually too tired to cook when I get home . . . you know, only if you want to." 

It's hard for Julian to say no to that face.

"What time do you get off work?"

. . .

Julian continues to insist that he doesn't feel some kind of way, that he's just taking the opportunity to really get to know you - you know, in case you ever pose a threat - but the nightly dinner-dates seem to differ. 

"Why is it so hard to admit that you have a hard-on for (name)? It's so fucking obvious." 

"It's not like that Ricky. You know, I have somewhere to be so why don't you just fuck off and give me some fucking space?" 

"Oh yeah I know exactly where you want to be, all up in -" 

The truth of the matter was that even though Julian fantasized about it at night, truly nothing had happened. You were sweet, kind, intelligent, patient, compassionate - a truly wonderful person. And that was the problem. Normally, Julian found himself happy to jump into a relationship, but he found himself afraid of making a fool of himself. Guys like him didn't get with girls like you. Simple as that. Besides, love just wasn't in the cards for Julian. It just never worked out like that.

Tonight was yet another night of disappointment. You had lingered on Julian's doorstep after dinner, hoping that maybe he'd make a move and at least give you a kiss goodnight - but the two of you simply stood there awkwardly until he nodded, saying he was probably going to go off to bed now. It was frustrating because you thought you were sending all of the right signals. Light touches, flirtatious giggles, risque comments - the works. But yet again, you find yourself leaving empty-handed. It wasn't that you weren't satisfied with the friendship, you really liked the dynamic the two of you had. You liked that Julian showed you ways to save money, ways to spruce up the trailer home so it felt more roomy, showed you around town a bit - but it left you feeling a bit stupid because you could have sworn the two of you had something more. You could just feel it. But he never addressed it and it drove you crazy. 

You knock on the door nervously, your hands shaking.

Julian answers the door again. "What's going on?" 

"I don't want to go home just yet. This is about the time J-Roc films his adult films. Can I just sit here for thirty more minutes? He usually finishes up around one in the morning or so." 

"Uh, yeah, sure, come on in. You can hang out here. I have to shower because, you know, I got somewhere to be in the morning -" Tomorrow was the day he was supposed to drop off the product with the prison guards, "- normally I'd wait up but I got some important stuff I gotta take care of tomorrow. I'm about to get ready for bed, so you can just leave whenever you're ready."

"Alright." 

You find yourself sitting awkwardly on the couch as Julian disappears into the bathroom. The trailer shakes a bit when he turns on the water and you can hear the pipes rush before the water falls like rain into the tub. You sit in silence and contemplate. You couldn't keep going back and forth like this, it'd get nowhere. He had hinted a few times at maybe having feelings. Sometimes his hand would linger on the small of your back too long when he was moving past you, or he'd stand too close to you - so close your shoulders would touch - whenever he got the chance. But nothing would ever come of it, and you were tired of it. You think about maybe joining him in the shower but that's too ballsy of a move, so you simply sit there and listen to the shower run until it's turned off. There's more shuffling and you can hear him go into his room. The hallway light turns off and the door clicks close. You should probably get going by now, but you can't bring yourself to just leave.

. . .

You feel like a psychopath drifting down the hallway. You only came down here to use the bathroom, but now you were standing at his bedroom door - contemplating whether or not you should knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Ricky, is that you? I told you to stop picking my fucking lock -" 

"No," You answer meekly, "It's me. I uh, wanted to take that book back I lent you before I went home. I didn't see it in your living room so I figured you might be keeping it in here." 

Julian stares up at the ceiling in thought. Julian is pretty book-smart and it doesn't take a genius to know the game you're running. He's been down this road a thousand times. He wants to say yes, but there's still the lingering fear of ruining the good friendship that's already there.

Julian turns his head to look at his nightstand, the small paperback book sat there. Shit, maybe you weren't playing any games.

"Yeah, give me a moment, I'll come bring it to you." 

"You don't have to go through that trouble, I'll just come get it real quick . . . if that's alright with you." 

". . . that's alright with me." 

You gently push the door open, slipping through before gently closing the door behind you. You can only see the outline of Julian's body in the dark, a few shadows illuminated by the moonlight that drifts in through the blinds. 

"It's right over here." You see the shadow of Julian's hand reach over and grab the thick book. Infinite Jest.

"I'll come get it." You pull yourself up onto the bed, you're knees on either side of his feet. Gently, you shimmy your way up, crawling over him on your hands and knees. Julian shifts a bit. Both of your breaths are heavy and as you sit yourself comfortably on his waist, you watch his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths. Gently, you pluck the book from his hand. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." Julian's voice is barely over a whisper.

You thumb through the thick book, landing on a page barely illuminated by the moonlight, reading the page you've thumbed to. "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." Truer words have never been spoken. Like everything in life, Julian has sunk his fingernails so deep into it he's drawn blood. He likes to pretend he can let things go, but he can't. 

Julian's hands gently grip at your hips, squeezing them softly - almost like he's afraid that if he squeezes too tight he'll hurt you. His fingers grip at your waist, gently pushing your hips backwards, guiding them in a gentle rocking motion against him. Your hips follow the movement of his hands, rocking against him with a pleased hum.

"Is that right?" Julian asks in a whisper.

"That's right." You respond gently.

"Me included?" He can't hope that you want him so bad that you'd sink your nails so deep into him that he'd never be able to leave you, even if he wanted to. And even if you wanted to leave him, he'd probably stay around and beg for you to take him back anyway.

"If you'll let me." 

If he wasn't rock hard before he's rock fucking hard now. "I want you." Julian's voice is hoarse, completely contradicting his typically firm and masculine present. He melts under you. Whether he wanted to believe it or not, Julian was a romantic and the touch of a woman he really valued meant a lot to him. His breath is labored as he guides your hips against him, "Please, I want you." 

If this were someone else in the park, it'd be a different story. Sleeping around with people in the park for Julian wasn't about emotions, it was about releasing a physical need, and when you can't keep a boyfriend sometimes you have to turn to your neighbors for some help. Everyone slept with everyone. But you're not them, this isn't just casual for Julian - he doesn't want to fuck it up. He shudders when your fingertips drag across his chest, tracing patterns and circles into his shirt as you rock against him, grinding your hips downwards to create more friction. You're a tease, you take your time, and he hates it but he loves it. Two large hands reach up to cup your breasts over your shirt gently, His hands trail downwards, over your abdomen, grabbing gently at your stomach for a short moment before finding themselves at the hem of your shirt. 

"What are you waiting for?" You ask him between small breaths, still making rhytmic riding motions. It's a softly-asked question but also a plea for action. "Please, Julian. I've wanted this since the moment I saw you." 

"God, fuck you're so fucking hot." It's like a flip switched in his head and he can't hold himself back anymore. Strong hands placed firmly on your hips flip you onto your back. Now he's on top of you, every part of him everywhere. His lips touch yours in a kiss, teeth pull at the skin of your neck, and tongue sooths the freshly bruised areas by rubbing itself on it in small circles. Like always, he can't help himself, and unlike recently, he stops wasting time.

Your shirt is the first thing to come off - Julian helps shimmy it off of you, throwing it to the side. The next thing to come off is your pajama pants, which he also tosses to the side after helping shimmy it off of you. He has half a mind to compliment the pretty color of your underwear and tell you it looks good on you, but he doesn't pay it any mind since it's about to come off anyways. His hands lift you up by the small of your back just long enough for him to unclasp your bra, letting you fall back down onto the bed. His hands hook underneath your knees, lifting them up and pushing your legs up so he can help slide your underwear easily off of your body. You're left naked under him while he remains fully clothed, lowering himself onto you before you can complain that he hasn't undressed yet.

His thumbs roll against your nipples, gently pinching and pulling at them before taking them into his mouth. Julian has never been the most gentle lover, especially when he gets excited, always eager to take matters into his own hands - but that's part of his appeal.

Kisses trail down your stomach, followed by him dragging his tongue along the skin, pushing your legs apart. He takes his time adorning your inner thighs with kisses, sucking on the skin and taking it between his teeth. He likes the way he makes you whimper and moan, it's intoxicating. But eventually the teasing becomes too much even for him, he's growing impatient, so he lends his tongue to you, circling it around your clit, strong nose pressed into sensitive skin.

Your body writhes as you feel a familiar pressure build in your abdomen, thighs tightening around his head so tight he thought he might suffocate. What a way to go that would be. Your fingers curl into his short hair, gripping and pulling at his hair while your toes curl. You whimper but that only encourages him to slowly push his thick index finger into you, followed by a second after you properly adjusted. His mouth and fingers work in tandem, his fingers curling and pressing inside of you in a come hither motion while his tongue continues to stroke your clit.

"Fuck, Julian, god, fuck -" But before you can climax, he's gone - pulling away. If Julian enjoys anything, it's edging. There's just something about bringing a woman to climax and leaving them nearly in tears that turns him on. 

"You look disappointed." Julian catches a glimpse of your lopsided frown illuminated in the moonlight, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." His shirt is pulled over his head, exposing his bare chest. When you touch the muscle, it's firm from years of consistent working-out. You trace a tattoos that look like they were done with a sewing needle and ink - probably stick and poke tattoos - but Julian frowns. He doesn't like those tattoos, he's not proud of them and he's not proud of his time spent in jail. But you only offer him an encouraging smile and place your palm over the tattoo before dragging your hand down to his belt, pulling at the buckle. Julian offers you a half-hearted smile. "Can't wait?"

Julian pushes your hand out of the way gently, taking his time to unfasten his belt and slowly pulling it through the loops. The belt is tossed to the side, along with his pants and underwear, leaving you both equals. Two hands hook themselves underneath your knees, placing your ankles on his shoulders while he uses his right hand to stroke his cock a bit, helping to harden himself up more. Sometimes the nerves just get to you.

"Holy fuck Julian you're big, you gotta be careful with that thing you're carrying a whole fucking concealed weapon -" 

Julian chuckles a bit at the comment but presses a gentle kiss to your ankles. "I'll be careful with you if that's what you're trying to say." 

The tip is pushed in slowly with great discomfort, pushing himself in. There's a stiff moment of silence as you let out a labored breath. 

"You good?" he asks.

You nod, dragging your teeth over your bottom lip. Julian takes his thumb against your bottom lip, peeling it out from underneath your teeth. His thumb drags your bottom lip down, exposing the inside of it before pushing his thumb into your mouth. Your lips wrap around his thumb, letting your tongue slide against the skin, sucking on the appendage as he pulls out just a bit, repositioning himself before he thrusts back in. Your body pushes upwards with the motion, head pressing against the headboard slightly. His thumb is still pressed in your mouth while his free hand keeps hooked underneath your knee, pushing it backwards so he can angle himself better - each thrust pushing itself deeper inside of you. Sweat coats his chest and runs down the side of his face, abdomen flexing the closer he gets to coming, but he restrains himself - wanting to ride it out for as long as he could. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." 

"Oh, God, Julian -" 

"Fuck, (name)." 

"Julian -" 

"(Name), (Name), (Name)." 

"I heard you did a real good job of running that girl out of the trailer park last night, Julian." 

"Hey, Barbara, why don't you fuck off?" 

#julian tpb #tpb julian #tpb ricky #trailer park boys #tpb #ricky lafeur #julian x reader #julian x reader tpb #tpb bubbles #tpb ricky and julian #ricky tpb #julian x you tpb #trailer park boys reader insert #tpb reader insert

[unproduciblesmackdown]

arrrghhh and having a moment just now b/c earlier i was rewatching this clip and appreciating how ofc not only is it a stellar little expression saga of jeremy's there but it's so Relevant to how we're being shown like [yeah clearly this is a bad idea but we are led to understand why he'd do it anyways] when like yeah jeremy's hurt & miserable as this new computer enemy immediately beating him up insulting him like you're the worst die Admit You're The Worst & Die. but also like jeremy was already There & already getting that message from others / life, which is why he's in this situation already, and why even though this obvious antagonism & hurtful treatment Does dig that hole a little deeper it's like, still more of the same from jeremy's perspective / a supposed further confirmation of what he was already sufficiently believing was true anyways. but what's so different & new to him is this like invented & temporary Vision Of How Things Could Be where suddenly he's getting attention that is so positive & everyone is sooo hyped about him we love everything about you....and That's what's so much more motivating to jeremy than the previous shit that he of course experienced as Unpleasant

and then just now was looking at this gifset again with christine being surprised by how as she's increasingly exiting the defensive mode of trying to stay out of the way / rein herself in, jeremy's just interested and encouraging and giving Thee clearest most positive feedback as earnestly and spontaneously as she's being rn....the way that she's having a parallel experience to jeremy's Mall Visions Of Possibility like here's this random person suddenly who is responding so positively to whatever tends to be reacted to negatively as [weird/wrong/overmuch]....their earnest spontaneous little parallel threads that keep weaving together throughout the story like. christine and this ever surprising new person who first crops up super nervous but then really openly enthused about Her enthusiasm; freaking out at a mall food court; doing great at play rehearsal even though he's new to this; then a whole moment where at first he's maybe being confusingly standoffish compared to that enthusiasm at their first meeting but then the whole [i guess a part of me xyz] section of a guy that i'd kinda be into like waaaaauugh oh lord and now i'm thinking of the agtikbi reprise like i am sweeping the bmc obcr up into my arms for so many reasons & including that track is a hell of one....being presumably a bit further bemused by jeremy's whole deal but during this period where christine's presumably a bit preoccupied w/the play and with trying to try new things and dating jake, there goes jeremy suddenly dating brooke apparently & eventually evidently christine is like okay i guess he's in this popular kids group more cohesively than i am & [whatever interpretations in how christine thinks that jeremy is also hooking up far & wide w/ppl in that group lol] but here he is also feeling in over his head & overwhelmed & out of place after trying to play the part & Act Correctly & indeed managing to end up here & yet....And Yet they can have another earnest vulnerable spontenaous enthused encouraging moment on the couch, despite that then of course christine's like okay look in general What is going on around here, and that's even before anyone's burned down a house & so forth, all before we he she they get Proof of what jeremy wants & feels & chooses, and have that reunion finally with finale jeremy where it's like, yeah he's got more confidence in Himself, ofc he still likes her and her as herself, and he's still nervous but okay with that, she's more comfortable likewise being out of her comfort zone lol not trying to maximally stay either in the one arena she can be herself Or otherwise out of everyone's way, ugh their vimh moment like that willingness to be vulnerable with this person b/c as in any interactions you're not guaranteed "safe" but the stakes of that and effort of navigating are made lower by having this trust and understanding and knowing this person genuinely cares....the fact that they can misunderstand each other And That's Fine because they can and do just go "no, i mean xyz" which in turn isn't to chastise but an earnest effort to connect & let this other person understand & know you better & believing that They want to exert the effort to Try To Get It, to Genuinely Care....waah

tl;dr that the way jeremy is (theoretically) looked at in the mall while simply existing when everything is going to be wonderful and so alive & is so moved by is the way christine experiences jeremy looking at her For Real when they're first properly meeting in the i love play rehearsal scene, and furthermore: ;ww;

#bmc #btw everything antithetical to that concept like [in this dynamic at its resolution in the end we see them misunderstand & get it Wrong #but then it's showing us that that's okay and it's Good navigating that rather than everything shown abt the harms of what it would take #to hypothetically paper over that or eliminate it entirely; namely the doomed destructive mission to keep tamping down on ppl being ppl] #has been found dead in miami. get ''we know our relationship's so good b/c of how we don't have 2 interact ft. Effort from us'' outta here #can extend the parallel where like obviously michael & jeremy have a mutual enthusiasm / effort in their relationship; less Novel ofc #hardly a negative lol & then that of course there's the entire period of Separation so there's hype for Glimpses b/w them over that lol #how what gym girl you look grim pensive emoji

[sewercentipede]

hello pretti human ^.^ i am interested in ket, i hope you dont mind me asking some questions... what does ketamine do for you? How long does a trip usually last? And is the trip more chill than for example mushrooms or LSD, I am a big advocate for mushrooms but I feel like I need to prepare a lot just for one trip, it takes a whole day and I need to book time away somewhere because I don't feel comfortable doing it around my flatmates, does ketamine bring similar benefits without being as 'deep' if that makes any sense? Thank you in advance!

hello! <3

1. I detail roughly what ketamine feels like based on dosage in this post but i don’t go too too much into *what it does for me*. so ill expand more now on that.

ketamine, being a dissociative, is really good at dulling, numbing, and at high enough doses even transforming into pleasure, the sensation of pain. this makes it a godsend for my crohns. nothing else even comes remotely close to the pain relief I get from ketamine when it comes to abdominal pain or during a flare. so it is a miracle drug for me. it’s also amazing with depression—in an acute sense—especially good at shutting down really intense/acute depression and suicidal thoughts even at super low dose (for eg: i was really depressed one night during a time when I was hypomanic and I felt really reckless and planned to self-harm, but then I did a line or 2 of ketamine and almost immediately all those feelings were replaced with a deep sense of calm, of everything being fine, that I was okay and i no long had any desire to do anything irrational. In more mild-moderate depression (not actively suicidal, but hopeless and can’t get out of bed vibe), ketamine is like… an immediate boost to mental wellbeing.. it helps me appreciate life as it is and the ppl in it and it makes me feel hope.

Ketamine has long been known medically/pharmacologically as a first-line therapy for treatment-resistance depression but until recently was only used in rare and emergency cases, probably (im guessing) due in part to the fact that its antidepressant effects wear off when it wears off, for the most part. In the last few years however ketamine has become a whole area of specialization in the realm of psychiatry particularly for things like depression and eating disorders, with ketamine clinics and doctors prescribing ketamine infusions (IV ketamine sessions done regularly, from twice a week to once every 2 weeks), or IM (intramuscular injection) ketamine sessions.

when I did an IV ketamine infusion (as a very depressed and anxious individual) it was incredible, I felt real joy and gratitude and appreciation and love and the ability to just enjoy the present moment and “be here now” for the first time in a long long long time. this can be achieved through other ROAs with ketamine but IV is the most intense.

when my husband did an IM ketamine session he k-holed and when he came back he said “I saw my entire life” and couldn’t really explain it further but he said that it changed his perspective on his life a lot. as soon as he got up from the K-hole he went “I understand!” Lol, but what he understood was for him alone to know.

when my dad did IM ketamine the first time the dose was too low to hole, but it made him very emotional, talk about his childhood trauma, his recently deceased mom with whom he had a super complicated relationship, etc. ketamine will do that too at low doses, it’s kinda like a release valve for trapped emotions especially grief and I think that happens to some people whose depression cuts them off from their emotions (it did The same for me when I did a medium dose after my grandpa died and it made me emotionally purge A LOT of grief). his second IM session on a higher dose made him k-hole and he became a bodyless observer going through and inside and above and around the earth. he never revealed whether or not it gave him any insight but I imagine for a guy like him (tormented by his mind) it was a nice reprieve.

the dissociative effect of ketamine makes you detach, from everything, in layers/to degrees, your thoughts, feelings, worries, mindset, your physical feelings, your body, yourself entirely; and in this detachment clarity can be found. wisdom from that clarity can be found.

2. most ROAs of ketamine last no more than 1 hour, often 45 minutes to 1 hour. After 1 hour you will basically not feel any effects anymore (although with high dose there may be lingering motor coordination effects). doing a ketamine IV infusion however (which is done at a doctors office) will last longer (closer to 3 hours) because the full ketamine dosage is being administered slowly. sublingual lozenge ketamine I also notice while have far more subdued effects, lasts longer (2-3 hours). and just straight up IVing ketamine I think also lasts a bit longer than the 1 hour (but that depends on dose too and I’ve only done a pretty high dose that way so that could be why it lasted 1.5-2 hours.) For insufflated and IM ketamine, at whatever dose reaches k-hole, it’s the standard 1 hour max.

3. Girlllllllllll don’t even get me started on mushrooms and LSD in that regard like oh my god. I can’t do shrooms without mentally and physically preparing for like a week beforehand. it’s excruciating otherwise. And it absolutely requires planning a whole day around it (carving out time AND having a good place to do it at, that wont potentially cause a bad trip).

Ketamine isn’t like that at all…… ketamine is so fucking chill. It’s not a grueling emotional experience wherein you’re traversing the labyrinth of your mind and battling your mental pitfalls or whatever. It’s more like you’re being freed of your mind and body and letting the ketamine work its magic on you.

First of all it’s an NMDA-antagonist (dissociative), not a seratonergic psychedelic, so you won’t be having those weird seratonin effects (anxiety, paranoia, sweating, jaw clenching, feeling wired and awake, having funny tummy -or urge to shit- on the come-up, etc). there’s no come up or comedown, it’s altogether very gentle and chill, evornment only matters insofar as dosage. If you want to keep it at real low doses, you can do it anywhere. If you want to do moderate to high doses, you can do it at home or a friends house but not in public (you want to be able to lie down in a safe environment). The state of the room or house doesn’t matter (idk bout you but on shrooms or acid, if im in a house and the house isn’t clean it fucks with me. Ketamine doesn’t care). you can do it around other people without you yourself being affected negatively by their presence whatsoever (if they don’t know you’re on ketamine they might be confused as to why you’re walking like a drunk robot). and you can sleep as soon as it’s over. The k-hole if anything is extremely euphoric for me, not like mdma euphoria, its different, but my god it is euphoria.

however i have heard the occasional experience of the hole being scary particularly at too-high IM doses (my BIL after a high dose IM ketamine session said he “turned into atoms and got torn apart” and the intensity of it frightened him; he kinda has control issues though and did double the normal dose of IM ket, so it does not surprise me). In other cases of bad k-holes its 99.99% of the time people accidentally k-holing at festivals, i hear it’s very unpleasant, and I imagine it would be! but that’s what you get when you don’t respect ketamine by doing too much at a festival or rave so I have no sympathy for that lol.

4. This is a bit hard to answer. Does ketamine bring similar benefits without being as deep…. Yes and no? It’s very hallucinogenic, moreso to me than lsd or shrooms, but in a very very different way. It can bring perspective shifts and insight like the other two can. But again, in a different way. I would say yes it does this stuff without being as deep, mentally, emotionally. It doesn’t feel like “work” the way shrooms or lsd do, and is less interested in forcing you to confront and overcome your thought patterns in real time. your mind and awareness is not really necessarily what the work ketamine does is dependent on. When it comes to what we know about the effect of longterm microdosing mushrooms on depression and cluster headaches (and anxiety I believe?), I don’t think ketamine has a similar effect… I could be wrong though. I don’t know the effectiveness of longterm ketamine IV infusion therapy personally; anecdotally ive heard both “this saved my life” and “this did nothing”. Then again, shrooms for depression also doesn’t necessarily work on everyone either. So yeah idk, that’s my take.

One thing though, chronic ketamine use will affect your bladder. Like itll kill bladder cells. We see this mostly only in ketamine addicts (doing lots of ketamine daily for years type of people), but it makes me wonder for people who do regular infusions for years what the possible long term effects on their bladder might be. And also makes me advise against ketamine use if you have existing renal/bladder impairment. But If this doesn’t apply or you’re not planning to snort a lot of ketamine everyday for a long time then this isn’t something I’d worry about. But I feel like I should mention it all the same.

#ketamine #drugs

[iamfabiloz]

I love and heavily relate to Nightheart because of how much he reminds me of how I used to be from like 14-16. I genuinely do not think that I have ever found a fictional character to be more relatable before, for better or worse! A lot of this may be from the fact that I heavily relate towards his identity + name change issues (I am FTM trans so I’ve been through similar) and in my perspective I really do believe that he’ll come to realize later in the arc that part of his issues are his OWN fault - he’s pushed everyone away and then wallows in his own self-pity, not realizing that he’s gotten himself into this in the first place. He keeps taking out his insecurities onto others, believing that the world is out to get him - IE thinking Squirrelflight, Flipclaw, Thriftear, Finleap, Brightheart, etc are all purposely trying to hurt him when they’re… clearly not. He even gets defensive when Sunbeam calls him by his old name without possibly having known any better. Although I do think that Sparkpelt’s actions at the beginning of Sky in particular are pretty questionable… very guilt-trippy and manipulative, I guess? But other than that and Myrtlebloom’s off-handed snarky comment, nobody is really attempting to target him at all. They don’t understand WHY he wants to carve out his own identity within the clan, and he’s too insecure about it to actually explain the situation to his clanmates in a reasonable manner. He thinks that he has a deeper kinship with Bramblestar due to their similar identity struggles and such, but all Bramblestar does with this trust is use it to get back at his wife for some petty reason - which is quite sad, really. I genuinely believe that the point of Nightheart’s character is to start out highly insecure, rash, and defensive as he’s figuring himself out on the inside, and will develop into a much better person once he’s done so and can learn to be happy within his own skin. In this case, I actually would have to say that I think some of the transgender undertones were intentional on the writing teams’ part - obviously we won’t get an openly transgender character in the series, but I do feel like there are some underlying themes in Nightheart’s story that definitely parallel transgender peoples’ experiences a bit too much to be a coincidence. Maybe this is a bit of my own bias speaking here, but he reads as very much transmasc / FTM to me personally. I don’t think any of this justifies his behavior / the rashness of his actions, of course, but I think that’s the point. He’ll (hopefully) be able to carve out his own identity and life in ShadowClan without constantly feeling as if he’s in Firestar’s shadow, and he’ll learn and grown because of it. At least, that’s my interpretation of how things are most likely to play out - and how I HOPE it plays out, because that would send a really good message to the audience out there. It took me way too long within my own life to realize that it was me pushing everyone around me away and not the other way around, so I would hope that these books can help show people that they’re not always in the right, even if it might feel that way in the given time - and that it’s okay to recognize that fact and learn from it. Sorry for the rambling, I just really wanted to share my perspective on this!

Ooo this is a really interesting take, n ur opinion is totally valid!! And tbh I agree w u about relating to Night, bc i see some of my worst traits in him too, especially when I read river for the first time KWJW those feelings kinda faded w this book, w all the weird stuff goin on, but yah I get what u mean. Also yeye im trans too, and I can see some of the stuff ur talking abt n how trans ppl can connect to nights character.

And same I really really hope nightheart has a character arc or smth and the narrative realizes he’s in the wrong and makes him take responsibility and figure out his issues so he can be his own cat n understand where his family and tc clanmates r comin from!! Erins please don’t make us have read nighthearts misery hour chapters for an bummer ending AA the idea for like an unreliable narrator and pov who’s in the wrong is rlly interesting in concept but the way the Erin’s have been executing it is rlly weird n insufferable 2 me oof JWJW Erins please have ONE writer who knows what their doin!!

Was cool to hear ur thoughts about night :0 this makes me reconsider him a little JWJW picks him up by the scruff n shakes him, kitty u would be so much better if anyone else wrote you

#warrior cats #ask #fellidate #asc spoilers #asc #sky spoilers #river #a starless clan #nightheart

[sweetporcelain13]

with all due respect, this is not specifically against you, but how many times are we going into this phase of "Jimin and Jungkook are distant"/"they’re not as close as they use to be"? I’ve seen this so. many. times. and then something drops and they still as close as usual... only international armys are making all sorts of theories about them not being friends or a couple anymore, i lurk on k-kookminers and the atmosphere is different. If you changed your mind about them it’s perfectly fine but why does it always end up in criticizing a member of the ship? For some it’s JK who’s not behaving like the passionate lover they would like him to be- I never understand the arguments against him, maybe coz he is the member I relate to the most. like some see him as completely whipped for JM but some think he’s cold or not demonstrative enough, how come?. Same for the way some ppl perceive Jimin as completely love sick and clingy and others think he’s giving up on JK.it’s just so weird. Everybody is seeing things with their own standards and what they’re waiting for in a relationship. I wish more of us could learn and understand Korean (i’m just at an intermediate level but stil)- there are dramas in the k side as well but for the most part it seems way more peaceful and k armys and kookminers trust the members and JM and JK. idk I just find it sad how it’s all about overthinking and constant speculation around the maknae line behavior since last June.. I can’t wait for Jimin to drop his music, at least it may bring some fun. again this isn’t specifically against you and I hope I’m not being too harsh but it makes me sad to see some armys criticizing the members just for a ship :/

Read the red parts to get over this post

My fellow jikooker, I am excited to see you 😁

hallo 🙋

Let me just start by saying, I also think this ☝️ way in general. But that doesn't mean, I don't get other side of thoughts in my head. BTS being diplomats pushes my thinking capabilities to diplomatic side too. 😉

The "phase" never went away because many things that have been questioned aren't answered to yet. It doesn't need to be answered too. It kinda gives the space to bloggers like me to have discussions. I'm just criticizing the online presence of members because that is what they have made us part of in their lives (other than music ofc). That too I'm saying with pinch of salt because as I said, my opinions do change with the perspective. Just taking advantage of my human brain ☺️. I try my best to share my opinions diplomatically. I guess that's why I am getting all sorted and sanely written asks in my box. Khamsamida 💜

I get your point though. In general, there's a lot of fluctuations in the jikook spaces. One of many things that inspired me to open this blog. Irrespective of that, my thoughts doesn't come out of personal hatred. My funda is simple here, if I love them I will also point out the areas they need to work on. (As if they read and care about my blog 🤣). Here's to hoping that the people show criticism in a better way than sheer cut hatred and malicious language.

And Yes! Waiting for JM album! And all the other works to be...

Thanks for the ask 😊

- signed

#a little delulu jikooker #jikook #asks

[rev3rb]

You’re right it’s not that surprising, but it is pretty bold. He went from spending the last couple chapters fighting for everyone to work together, to deciding against everyone he knows. So I’m super interested to see how he plans to go at it alone given that the only ppl who would be on his side are probably the First and maybe the demons under him. Whom I definitely wanna get back to. I’m curious if Asuramaru’s return might lead to an interaction between him and Krul. Mainly bc I wanna know if the demons being exposed to other vampires might lead them to break away from the First’s plan and messaging.

Which brings me to the thing you brought up about potential ‘programming’. I definitely think that’s likely the case at some level. When there were so many versions of Yu created it makes sense to think that the First was maybe experimenting with him in some way to figure out how to get his desired results. If so, I think it would be cool to see how acknowledging that some part of their bond was manufactured could change Yu & Mika’s perspective on one another.

Also, as far as Yu wanting to save everyone, that would be a very expected goal for him to go after. But I think if he actually did it, that might become what we talked about awhile ago: an unrealistically easy solution. As a character, he has a habit of making up his mind and dragging along other characters with how he thinks things ought to be, even if he doesn’t have a solid understanding of how to achieve that. So, especially with Yu’s past naive behavior about having his cake and eating it too I personally think it would be more interesting narratively for him to take a path of either sacrifice or selfishness.

Although, I’m never truly against a happy ending, regardless of whether I feel it’s well earned or good for the plot. If everyone gets reunited and there’s world peace? Great 👍 lol

Thanks for chatting with me again :)

True, it is really bold. Yu isn't much of a planner. As you sorta say later, he kinda just does things. He's pretty decent at thinking on his feet, but rarely does it seem like he'll come up with a plan on his own, so I think that, at least for now, he plans on winging it. Probably thinks that he and Mika can do anything if they try. Yu's not stupid when he puts his head to good use though, so I guess we'll see. As for Ashuramaru, I wouldn't be surprised if he interacted with Krul soon. We kinda got faked out on that one back in 109 (iirc?), so it'd make sense if that was looming on the horizon.

Oh yeah, it would definitely be that too easy ending we talked about. I'm not entirely against it either, but I'd want it to feel deserved. Yu would need to develop and grow as both a character and person for that to feel deserved to me. If he just continues to pull people along and get his way essentially just because he's the protag, then that'd make for a lackluster ending. Pure speculation, but I could see an ending where, because Yu has some weird unknown power about him, it turns out that Yu can sacrifice himself to help bring back humanity and Mika. I'm personally not too sure how I feel about that atm since it just occurred to me. Don't wanna deep dive on it for length purposes (I could speculate about possible endings all day), but Yu already has no regard for his own life, so you know he'd do it in a heartbeat. What could be more interesting is if that option is available to him, but he's convinced not to. I digress though. We can speculate until the manga ends, but at the end of the day, that's all it is. Speculation.

Thank you for responding to what I said. Always fun to hear what you think about... well, my thoughts lol

#Owari no Seraph #OnS 115 #OnS 115 spoilers #Owari no Seraph spoilers #Asks #Anonysis Asks #My posts

[itsjaywalkers]

UMMMM NOTHING HAPPENS???

Dude. This, you’ve done something with this.

Like the first part REGGIES ADORABLE, and they’re obvs already soulmates, and it’s setting the Sirius dynamic. Like especially with James and Sirius, I think it’s a fun way to explore their friendship, and James’ inability to say no.

THEN THE NEXT PART! JAMES MY LOVE YOU.ARE.JELOUS!!!!!! Like my guy. The “baby”, James please have a conscious thought. The beef between Pandora and Sirius is so real <3. But it’s interesting to see like another sibling haver perspective on Sirius and Reg cause James is just James. Like it’s speaks a lot about everyone’s dynamic I think how everyone interacts with the twins (Love them but the way, your Evan is <333)

THEN THE LAST PART. HOLY SHIT. Like i thought they were about to have a cute moment (which i guess they did) but then BAM “what about your girlfriend?”. It was like a record scratch in my brain. I’m very excited to get Regs’ side of the story, and James is my bbg i’ll always defend him even if he sucks, if James said it was a platonic make out session, it was a platonic make out session. (I’m kidding he’s being a dick) BUT THE “You’re my best friend” while they were literally sucking face. Babe. Please. AND WHEN HE CALLED OUT WOLFSTAR, you have literally no room to talk. Like at all. But like, him being like “Em. Babe. ur overreacting” While reg was literally cuddled up in him. LIKE WHAT JAMES? THATS INSANE!

But like based of what you’ve posted IDK, but it’s different than what I expected?? (in a good way). Like the characterization is so compelling in this! I’m very excited for this and am very patiently waiting for the next part, in the meantime i’ll be re reading and finding even more insane bits i missed i’m sure.

(sorry for rambling, but thank you lots for writing <3)

NEVER APOLOGISE FOR RAMBLING and this ask made my day, i couldn't answer until now bc i've been shopping all morning/afternoon but !!! i read it as soon as i woke up and it made me <3 so very happy <333

ELEVEN YEAR-OLD REGGIE IS SOOOO CUTE i need to put him in my mouth and . chew . he's so very dear to me i swear <333 i also love his dynamic with sirius and all the banter between james and sirius was so fun to write. their friendship sort of . deteriorates . in a way . bc of regulus and both sirius and james' inability to share, so i'm glad i got to write them like this before that, like proper best friends!!!

HE'S SO FUCKING JEALOUS IT'S ACTUALLY CONCERNING the 'baby' was playing soooo dirty and so manipulative of him. and i'm so glad u enjoy sirius and pandora's rivalry bc it's one of my fav things in nothing happens hehe. and yessss james has a very . close-minded view of siblings, in a way, since he's an only child and he's never gonna understand what goes down in those kinds of bonds. so getting to see the twins and how they behave and interact with others helps with james' lacking perspective imo!! also nothing happens evan is my baby, i'm so happy u like him <333

THE LAST PART IS THE WOMAN OF THE HOUR I THINK so intense so hot so dramatic <3 the mention of james' gf IS supposed to hit, bc despite the fic being from his pov, he never thinks about her until reg mentions her, which is . wild . if u stop to think about it . idk if we'll ever get reg's side of the story bc nothing happens works better bc it's james-centric but !! who knows !! i'd love to write his pov of some moments for sure (and share more content of the twins too). also i'm so surprised to see how much ppl are loving nh james??? he's gonna get worse, so idk how long this will last but i'm quite pleased so far bc i adoreeee him. HE'S SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT DURING THAT WHOLE CONVO telling his literal gf she's overreacting when he has reg seated on his lap, telling reg he's his best friend after having his tongue down his throat . he's insane . especially bc he believes every single word coming out of his mouth

oh i'm so glad ur liking it despite the story not being what u expected (so relieved it's in a good way tho). the characterizations in nothing happens are what make the fic super compelling to me too so <3 taking this as a huge compliment <3 i'm gonna go back to writing oby + a pandalily pwp now so idk when the next part will be ready but !! since nothing happens is what i always write on the side bc it comes quite easy to me, it could be done sooner than it seems. we'll see!!

thank you so much for reading and for sending such a lovely ask, it means the whole world MWAH <333

#this got so long IM SO SORRY #im just . obsessed with nothing happens #as u all can see lmao #asks #anons #fic series: nothing happens

[aroace-cat-lady]

I was only bringing up some reasons for why Ash would maybe make more sense as a ruler of fae since he’s more familiar with his fae side than Kit is or ever will be with him learning about it all so late in his life, it’s all just fun speculation just thought I’d share my reasons with you to give you another perspective maybe that’s all. It’d be more fun for someone with a faerie tongue and experience to rule faerie than someone who acts like a mortal that’s all. But we’ll see what happens! I’m sure I’ll love the series either way it goes. Kit just makes more sense as a Shadowhunter to me even if he is the first heir I guess 😅

Oh that's fine dw!! I wasn't trying to come off as rude or anything, sorry if it seemed like that. I was just explaining my opinion on the matter. I know most ppl don't agree with me, but I'm really glad you're open to talk about it. It does help me to consider things from different angles and to keep my mind open.

You know, I keep seeing ppl trying to separate Kit and Ash as shadowhunter and faerie, and I really don't get why we do that. Like, none of them is one or the other, they're both. I find it similar to how biracial ppl describe their experiences of trying to choose between one culture of another, when their whole person is built with both, and to try to cancel one out is to cancel a part of themselves.

And I understand that the whole thing about shadowhunters is it's a sacred duty and you're a shadowhunter above all and blablabla. Not Ash nor Kit grew up with that. And CC has gathered so much experience and has explored so much of the universe that she's at the point where she doesn't need to write more rules, but she can start playing with them, break them. And I think it'd be so interesting if she used Kit and/or Ash to explore this perspective. Because, tbh, a big part of being a writer is to challenge yourself and to keep breaking/rewriting your own rules and get out of your comfort zone. I just think I'd be interesting, but I'm rambling at this point.

#thanks for the ask 🫶 #im sorry if i was rude. im mexican. we're very straightforward. #AND IM SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING IT REMINDED ME OF THAT AND O WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT #its okay if you want to tell me what you think

[mythicalartisttm]

Have you played botw2? If so, what do you think of it so far?

I've been watching playthroughs! I can't afford the game rn, but I hope to get it myself eventually! In part for the experience, in part bc the ppl I'm watching play are hardly looking in the direction I want to. A game with so many options means that no one will play the same way, so that means if I want the best TotK experience, I'll have to make it for myself.

That said, the game thus far is driving me nuts (/pos and derogatory).

First and foremost, the game is trying to sell the fact that Hyrule and it's founders only came into play just before the Imprisoning War??? Baby, I understand that Hyrule could have been refounded after Ganondorf came in guns blazing after having just squashed the Hero and Princess of Time, and so Sonia and Rauru would be rebuilding Hyrule and re-establishing the monarchy. That makes sense. But that's just straight up not the case! I could go over all the timeline inaccuracies right here but my brain hurts trying to put it into words. The LoZ timeline has been a mess for over 20 years but this is the first time it's contradicted itself without a fix from what I've seen.

Naming the king Rauru was a fun little detail though, I like that 🙂

Speaking of Rauru, I have only seen as much of him as the Great Sky Island and one (1) tear, but he's going into the Fictional Dads of All Time folder. Both a goat and a G.O.A.T. I do not know much about Sonia yet but I like her. Both the king and queen really scored on marriage partners imo.

Tulin, my son. I have not played the game but the AI is so darn good it's job and he's saved the guy I've been watching so many times. I do kinda wish we could've fought alongside Teba but dang, Tulin is not just good, he's a really fun character in his own right and I'm glad he's here.

I haven't as strong feelings about Yunobo but he is a delight to be around. Rolling him around and smashing stuff is quite fun as well.

Bonus that I've taken to naming the sage mimics. So far we have Terin and Shobae. I've already decided to name the next (last?) two Raja (pronounced "rah-hah") and maybe Po (Po and Sidon).

Mostly unrelated, but Tulin's champion ability reminds my of the LU Champion AU craze from a a while back! That was the first thing I thought of when I saw Tulin use his power for the first time and it made me chuckle.

It still doesn't feel real to have the name of Zonai popping up in so many places in-game. Like, wow. Ok. I guess this is happening. This has still not sunk in.

Speaking of which, did you know that the Zonai tech was originally Sheikah tech in development? I'm actually really glad that it got changed because using a different kind of tech with it's own distinct color/aesthetic not only separates TotK from BotW, but it also prevents the Sheikah tech from getting stale. I wish we could maybe see some more Sheikah tech aside from the towers and the Purah Pad though, just to make it feel like it hasn't totally up and left. I did see a comment on yt say that the ppl of Hyrule probably dismantled the divine beasts and other weapons so they never have to worry about the tech turning on them again. I think that's a good way of looking at it, although the removal of the towers felt highly unnecessary from an in-universe perspective imo if they're just gonna build new towers.

Side note that when that one character (I can't remember if it was Purah or Josha) called them Skyview Towers my SS brain went 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

There's for sure more I have to say but this is all I can call upon atm! Thank you for asking <3

#the zonai aesthetic scratches my brain more than the sheikah one tbh #v good taste and texture #tm answers #tears of the kingdom #totk spoilers #tears of the kingdom spoilers #loz spoilers

[cosmicmoved]

HEADCANON for SUMI

actually, this is a headcanon for karam too but this specific post is more sumi-centric so maybe i’ll talk about the karam end of things later. for now, though, it’s sumi’s turn bc i don’t talk about her enough (:

Okay, so I’ve decided to drag Sumi into Karam’s plotline for no reason besides that...I Wanted To but it also helps his plotline make more sense if he has a sort-of go-between character like Sumi in there somewhere. This post will explain what that means and why I’ve come to this decision! Until now, Sumi was kind of just her own character and she wasn’t really tied to any plot besides her own but I didn’t really know what to do with her beyond her backstory. I think this was definitely limiting her as a character so I’d like to use this chance to give her more direction! So, from hereon out, she’s going to be part of the Karam plotline! She’s still her own character but I like making my muses know each other bc,,,idk,...it feels like a more complete universe in my head. Anyway, with that out of the way, I’ll get on to explaining the story behind this connection! Full disclosure though, I’m sticking it under a Read More because it got kind of lengthy. I did TRY to be more succinct but maybe it’s about time I just accept that I’m not capable of that /:

First off, a lot of stuff might be setting or verse-dependent. I guess I’ve written stuff where these muses aren’t strictly based in one country and there’s always the chance of one of them moving somewhere else for the sake of a certain plotline? But the fun thing about rp is its fluidity so I’m going to try and stop getting overly concerned about details that don’t really matter too much. Sumi travels a lot. Maybe Karam tags along sometimes. Shit gets vague. It’s fine. ASDFGHGFDS......

To keep things simple, Sumi is the one who first found Karam when he wound up in the city after his forest was destroyed -- or, rather, she was the first person to try and help him. Other people had likely found/seen him but ignored him one reason or other (he would’ve been pretty dishevelled and tbh,,,probably naked bc what the fuck is he gonna wear clothes in the forest for). As I’ve said before, Sumi can tell when people aren’t human. Her senses aren’t especially strong so she can’t always place what somebody actually is, only if they’re a human or a ghost; she doesn’t have an inherently ability to sense what somebody is but, because she’s spent so much time learning to separate living humans from the spirits of the dead, she’s developed the ability to tell when somebody is neither, even if she can’t say for certain What they are. Because it’s a feat of applied knowledge and not a natural ability, mistakes happen. Now, Karam is a spirit. Not remotely human, despite his appearance. Still, long story short, Sumi mistook him for a ghost and, despite her charging humans for help with their ghostly issues, she’s often willing to help a ghost in need free of charge (because um...ghosts don’t have money). When she found Karam, he was in a state of obvious distress so she assumed he must have been a pretty new ghost, the sort who haven’t at all come to terms with the fact that they are, y’know, dead. Much to her shock, he wasn’t dead and was instead very much alive and tangible but still very much in need of help. More in need of help than she’d expected, in fact.

Sumi has always been the sisterly type so it felt natural to reach out a hand to somebody in need, mostly out of the goodness for heart and because she felt bad for him but also partly because Karam reminds her a little bit of Chulsoo, her late brother (despite being much much older, Karam looks about the age Chulsoo would be if he were still alive) with whom she is in no longer contact despite his being a ghost because he decided to use the afterlife to See The World until he was ready for Sumi to exorcise him. Yikes. That’s another story for another post. She was able to offer Karam a place to stay, a spare room in her apartment (where he’d start this new experience by staying in his room for a fortnight straight, only leaving to slink his way in and out of the bathroom), and help him make sense of a new and confusing world. First, she would offer him her brother’s old clothes to wear and then she would eventually resign herself to the reality of the situation and agree to buy Karam his own clothes, letting him pick out what he liked but also giving him tips wherever possible (financially speaking, this wasn’t her smartest move but she has a guilty pleasure in clothes shopping and the knowledge that she was doing it to help somebody else made her feel better about the whole thing).

In fact, she helped him get tidied up in general. Let him pick out a hairstyle from a pile of magazine and used her experience with hairdressing to replicate it for him. Maybe it’s because Sumi’s rather vain herself (and proud of it, mind you) but she’d fully believed a good start for Karam was to help him discover his own image and use that to regain confidence. Well...that, and the fact he’d looked an absolute state when she found him and she was of the firm belief that it was a shame for him to be wasting his pretty face on dishevelled hair and ill-fitting clothes that hung off him. But, really, Sumi sees her image as the ultimate form of self-expression. The way she styles herself is her way of telling the world who she is --- and, for someone who spends so much time with ghosts, looking as bright and lively as possible means a lot to her --- so she believed that helping Karam with that sort of thing might help him with this strange transition into a new world and come into his own. Yes, she was aware that this plan might fail and Karam might have been distinctly uninterested in his own looks but it ended up working out well. Karam is slow to warm to most very human things but he picked up on this quite quickly and was very willing to engage with it. For Karam, it was a matter of everything changing too fast and those changes being so overwhelming that making these dramatic changes over which he had full control, changes that he made himself and that weren’t forced on him, helped him to process the situation --- but I’ll talk about that in more detail another time, this is Sumi’s post.

Karam is very distrustful of humans and, although he trusts Sumi more than most on account of her having helped him so much, there’s a part of him that is paranoid it’s some kind of trick. Because of this, he tends to keep Sumi at an emotional distance. After all, despite her abilities, she’s still essentially just human and he’s been forced to regretting humans in the past (that is also another story for another time because, again, this is not Karam’s post so I won’t be going into details here). Although it’s frustrating, Sumi understands this and lets Karam keep his distance. She understands that he’s grateful regardless and she doesn’t want to cause any unnecessary discomfort. But, even besides that, their relationship is a little odd simply because they butt heads a lot. She kind of just lets him away with shit because she finds him endearing. Often, Karam won’t even stick around at her place. He’ll just disappear for days on end and resurface when he feels like it but it’s more about the choice to have somewhere he can return. Y’know, the illusion of home. 

Perhaps it’s because of that initial comparison she made between him and Chulsoo or perhaps it’s because he has such a young appearance but, despite the large age gap (wherein Karam is just under 240 years older than her), Karam brings out the big sister in Sumi. Maybe this is also why Karam doesn’t like her that much LMAO...............actually, he kinds of HATES it but asdfghgfd. In the time since she’s met him, she’s seen him struggle with things; she’s seen that he does have good moments and that he’s not intentionally rude in any way so much as he just has a hard time with certain social rules. She’s grown fond of him and feels that she has to try and help him out. Again, it’s hard to say if this is because of the time she spends helping ghosts or if it’s because he ignites the part of her that feels guilty for not being able to protect Chulsoo. It could just be that she’s sincerely worried about Karam. Maybe it’s a combination of them all, Sumi can’t quite tell for herself.

#« 𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐃 (sᴜᴍɪ) » / 「 headcanon. 」 #« 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐘 (ᴋᴀʀᴀᴍ) » / 「 headcanon. 」 #like this if u read it i guess!! but no pressure ofc ASDFGH #the actual hc part of this is like 1.2k words long and i was gonna try and revise it but i can't be bothered #i UNDERSTAND if it's too long for anybody to bother reading it but i just wanted to get it out there #im gonna write a drabble abt when she finds him i think and idc if nobody reads it ASDFGHGFDS #i wanna write abt karam from another person's perspective bc writing him just from his OWN perspective doesn't really #let anybody know what kind of vibe he has ?? bc he keeps everything to himself #but also bc i love writing sumi's perspective on ppl bc she's just...she has strong feelings abt things ASDFGFDSA #anyway i just felt it was time i fleshed stuff out for sumi and i feel bad making her a supporting character in another muse's plot but #since she didn't even really have a concrete plotline on her own this is actually BETTER for her #im actually respecting sumi MORE by doing this #bc now she's actually part of smth instead of being that oc i vaguely ignore #also i like making my ocs know each other who cares #i can't be bothered rereading this to make sure it's not dumb sorry