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fuckingfroggymemesorsomeshit · 4 years

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Pt 2 of monster hunter post

Deviljho - Deviljho is truly the Dark Souls of monster hunter. Deviljho was the hardest fight in the game when he was first released, not through gimmicks like Kushala or strange attacks like Kirin, but through aggression, ferocity, and broken hit boxes. Deviljho’s main weak point is it’s face, and you harvest needed parts from breaking its face, which is nothing new. It’s face is also it’s most dangerous part, still nothing new. However the level of danger that comes with fighting Deviljho head on was higher than any monster before him, as he could legitimately kill combo you off one hit, especially from a bite or from dragons breath. Deviljho, also, is incredibly tall. So tall that you probably won’t hit it in the head unless you’re using a long gunlance or ranged weapons, and trying more often than not will get you killed in your attack animation. Deviljho also loves to stagger, stun, and use tremors, which he can then turn into a kill combo. Just by being near one of his attacks, you are at risk of losing the mission. He was the first taste of how unfair monster hunter can be, and it gets much worsea in Iceborne. 10/10.

Kulve Taroth - Very cool looking, but an introduction to the ugly side of MHW grinding. At the time of release, KT had some of the best weapons in the entire game. However, they just had a random chance of dropping, and he could drop several types and degrees of these weapons, making you fight him over and over, battling RNG to get one fucking weapon that didn’t even look that cool. Neat design, nice fight, wouldn’t wanna do it 100 times like people have before.

Lunatsra - I didn’t fight lunastra lol

Beotodus - The first monster you encounter in Iceborne. Beotodus is actually okay. It is just a Jyuratodus/Laviosoth clone, but it’s model and move set are just different enough to make it stand out. Probably not a good first monster, not very impressionable, but palatable.

Banbaro - Banbaro is what should have been the introductory Iceborne monster. He is an incredibly fun fight with great environmental interactions and weapons. My only complaint is that you should be able to break his antlers more than you can. I know it’d be kinda game breaking to just shatter his main offensive weapon, but it’s monster hunter, lemme break his fucking horns

Viper Tobi Kadachi - The first of the Iceborne subspecies, Viper TK is a pretty challenging fight. His poison seems to act faster than other poisons in the game, and he rarely stops attacking. This is a trend that continues in Iceborne. One of the best gunlances in the game drop from him.

Nightshade Paolumu - Annoying. Puts you to sleep and then one shots you, while just kinda floating around. Really unremarkable, but unfun.

Coral Pukei-Pukei - Honestly, a really fun fight, his water jets are unique and his vibrant colors make him easy to look at even in spite of his horrific asshole tail that jets water at you.

Barioth - One of the hardest monsters to fight in Iceborne, Barioth is the first cat Wyvern you fight. His attacks are relentless, his hit boxes are huge, and every move sends him flying across the map. It’s a challenge just to keep up with this monster, and it’s incredibly difficult to be able to consistently DPS his health bar down. Even if you’ve memorized his attack patterns and can stay alive during this fight, his attacks send him so far and they happen so frequently that comboing him without a knockdown is nearly impossible, making you rely on chip damage for the majority of the fight. Because of this, the fight takes a much longer time than it should.

Nargacuga- Another cat wyvern. Coming off the fight with Barioth, I was very afraid of Nargacuga. I was worried this would be another 30 minute fight with a cat that just wouldn’t keep still, and while Nargacuga can match Barioth in aggression, he is significantly less mobile and some attacks even keep him held in place entirely, making the entire fight much more streamlined and fun. However, his weapons and armor are significantly less worth farming than Barioth.

Glavenus - At first glance, this monster was giving me flashbacks to Deviljho. His massive frame, heavy, fast attacks and fire breath brought back memories I wasn’t ready for. Luckily, Glavenus is a bit of a pushover in comparison. Unlike Deviljho, it is fairly safe to just sit at Glavenus’s legs and fire gunlance shells through his weak points without much worry. Obviously it isn’t the fastest way, but he really can’t do much about it and gunlance shells do set damage no matter if they’re hitting a weak point or not, so it gets the job done.

Tigrex - Tigrex is quite the difficult fight. His ferocity matches Deviljho’s and his attack range and speed is on par with Barioth. If you don’t know how to approach this fight, Tigrex will probably just roll you. His enormous hit boxes and constant attacking seems almost insurmountable. However, if you play the beginning of the fight slowly, sever his tail and break his arms, the fight is much easier. His tail no longer has the incredible range it did before, and his wild charge now had a chance to make him stumble, granting you a free knockdown. Some of the best armor in the game stats wise.

Brachydios- Really not much to say. His design is so different from every other monster, yet he manages to be incredibly boring to look at anyways. He slimes and he explodes, break his hands and head to castrate him. His armor is Shinjis mech from NGE and that’s kinda cool.

Shrieking Legiana - I want to mention that I won’t bring up every subspecies from here on out since most don’t really add to the monsters fight or how you approach it, but Shrieking Legiana is different. Legiana was already a fast, aggressive apex predator with Iceblight and constant flight to worry about, but pair that with the constant attacks of Iceborne monsters, and this is a new beast entirely. Shrieking Legiana NEVER slows down. She is always flying through the air, staggering, inflicting Iceblight, and one shottinf you. This fight is annoying.

Velkhana - Imagine Barioth if he could fly. Same situation. Fuck this fight.

Namielle - Another one of the coolest elder dragons in the game. Namielle has one of my favorite designs of any monster, with an almost squid like appearance and the aesthetic of the abyss. She’s a water themed monster, and her gimmick is the fill the arena will puddles then elecrocute you. Her armor is woefully ugly, but the weapons are top notch.

Shara Ishvalda - My number one monster in the entire game. The fight is amazing. The appearance is amazing. All the armor and weapons are amazing. The design of the monster is amazing. This monster is what Xeno’jiva wishes it could be. It blows Xeno’jiiva out of the water in every single way, the lackluster, dull fight is now an epic, beautifully scored battle, and Xeno’jiva boring and uninspired appearance is put up against one of the most unique designs of any video game enemy I’ve ever seen. Shara Ishvalda starts the fight encased in rocks, appearing as a giant stone golem that is slow moving but lethal. Once you break away it’s armor, it reveals the most disturbing but beautiful monsters in the game. Shara Ishvalda is sickly, but vibrant at the same time. The freakiest part is it’s eyes, which do not follow the player, but the camera as you fight it. It’s a very weird feeling, making it seem like Ishvalda is staring at you behind the screen. The issue is that the fight takes fucking forever, but for a one time final boss, it’s fine. However, like I said, Shara has some of the best weapons and armor in the game. If you want them, you won’t be just doing the fight once. Grinding Shara Ishvalda is one of the most tedious experiences in the game. Each fight takes in excesss of 30 minutes, amounting to a damage check where you simply are spamming the same combo on its legs over and over and over. Not fun to farm, but a great final boss.

Rajang - monke

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zephyrthejester · 7 years

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Let’s talk at length about NGE episode 15′s final minute

After Episode 15 of Neon Genesis Evangelion, everything changed. Everything! And the idea of moving straight on from it with such little fanfare didn't sit right with me. Not when nearly all my theories were tossed out the window, not when many past events got re-contextualized. Not when I've obtained some entirely new theories...! So today, in an effort to gather all my thoughts in one place so you readers are on the same page as I am as we move forward, I'm going to write an essay on the final minute of NGE's fifteenth episode... and also some other details I haven't talked about yet.

Ready for some words? Click "Keep Reading" to continue.

Part 1: Adam and...?

We need to talk about the big, white, seven-eyed elephant in the room first thing. Adam, the First Human. Adam, the First Angel. Adam, the Enemy. Crucified and skewered by the Lance of Longinus, as I've been informed, in the exact same manner that Christ himself suffered. So what is his deal?

My first thought here was that the Angel attacks on Tokyo-3 haven't been to destroy the city and Nerv HQ, but to rescue Adam and bring him home. Or maybe to trigger Third Impact... But then I remembered that there were multiple Angel attacks on the city well before Adam was delivered to it, which greatly complicates that theory. I've nothing to continue with concerning this matter, so I guess I'll have to move on to talking about his origin.

Misato identified Adam as being the cause of Second Impact. There was the briefest flash of the roof of a building being torn apart by the winds of the incoming explosion, which I remember from the flashback to Second Impact we had a few episodes ago. That's proof enough for me. It is very reasonable to assume that Adam is indeed the First Angel that was discovered and experimented on by a team of scientists, Misato's father among them. And as we'd recall, it was specifically human meddling that incited Second Impact.

But what happened to Adam immediately afterwards? When Kaji handed him off to Gendo, he was encased in an amber-like substance and in the form of a fetus. The fetus form, I'm guessing, being a default state that all Angels are born/created in before emerging from their Chrysalis and taking their true shape. Remember Clusthulhu's initial similarity to Adam? I can only assume that Adam reverted to fetus form and was flash frozen following Second Impact. I think that the folk at Nerv let Adam take his true shape, then crucified him.

And now Gendo wants to kill him. But is that all? Kill him with the Lance of Longinus, and no more Angels appear? Humanity is saved? Is he slowly dying after being stabbed with the Lance, or are further plans in store? Is the Lance even killing him, or doing something else entirely? Is this the Human Instrumentality Project? I guess time will have to tell. Right now, all I can do is speculate.

Moving on, I'd like to note that Adam is probably very, very special among Angels. He bleeds golden blood, for one thing. I know that the other Angels are identified as having "blue blood type," even though they bleed red. Weird. Furthermore, he is probably the progenitor of Humanity, if the humanoid growths on its lower half are any indication. They aren't moving, so maybe the Lance put a stop to that... Oh yeah! Remember how Angels share 99.89% matching DNA with humans? Now we know why! In a sense, is the being called “Adam” closer to “God?”

Finally, we need to talk about something really big. Like, really important. 'Cause man, there's still one Angel unaccounted for. The Second Angel. And you know it, man, you just know it... Where there's an Adam, there has to be an Eve.

And I speculate that "Eve" is none other than Evangelion Unit 01.

Why else would Gendo place extreme importance on the safety of Unit 01, even beyond the other two Evangelions? Why else would the intro of this show prominently depict Unit 01 sprouting golden wings that strongly resemble those that Adam sprouted during Second Impact? And you just know it'd be the juiciest drama for the show's main character to one day discover.

Following this theory, I'm going to have to assume that the other two Eva units are purely artificial. After the Simulation Bodies were shown to us, it seems likely. Or, just maybe, Eve was really flipping huge and all three Evas are made of her flesh, too.

Part 2: Gendo and Seele

I'm grateful to have been informed that the HIPC is really just Seele. Those other bigwigs at the council in the dark room? They're Seele. At least, that's what I've gathered. I get the sense that Gendo is sort of lone-wolfing it... Though the others speak down to him like they're his superiors, Gendo is self-assured because he holds all the cards. And that is true. Something tells me that if it came down to it, Gendo would be willing to totally screw over Seele just to do what he thinks is right. But for now, it seems they're all working towards fulfilling the Human Instrumentality Project. Though there's no telling if Gendo and Seele's vision of the HIP are identical.

One big mystery is what Gendo was doing in the Antarctic a few episode ago. It was well after Adam was delivered, so it couldn't have been related to that, right? For some reason, Gendo personally payed a visit to the site of Second Impact... But to do what, exactly? Why did he need to be there?

I'd also like to mention the strange long, thin object covered by a tarp in the Moby Dick episode. Looking back on it, that was probably the Lance of Longinus, yeah? That really confuses me. Is the Lance man-made, then? What's so special about it that it's apparently needed to kill Adam? Was it picked up from Germany along with Asuka and Kaji, or did it come from somewhere else? Still a lot of mysteries here.

Part 3: Rei and Shinji

It's pretty clear that Rei is indeed genetically engineered now. To pilot an Evangelion, certainly. To wield the Lance of Longinus and stab Adam, most probably. But what comes next for Rei? Does she have more business with Adam in the future? Why is it that she and Gendo are so close? Rei is definitely intentionally keeping secrets from Shinji, not that the boy asks any questions anyway.

If it comes down to it, I won't be surprised if Rei sides with Gendo over Shinji and Asuka if some sort of conflict arises.

Furthermore, the vat Rei was floating in was hooked up to a giant machine that looked a lot like the Magi. Did the Magi help create her, then? (Does that mean Rei is technically Ritsuko's sister?) And furthermore, what was Rei doing in that vat, anyway? Regenerating, or something? Undergoing further DNA modifications? It's really weird!

Part 4: Misato and Kaji

I haven't said this yet, but Misato is my favorite character on the show. I really admire her calculating, razor-sharp decisiveness during Angel attacks, and outside of those situations, she's truly the only person who shows Shinji any true kindness and warmth. I've only just realized it, but her conflicted feelings for her father really does make her like Shinji. The two are far more similar than I've given them credit for. And the thing is, because Misato sees so much of herself in Shinji, she can really offer just the right words of encouragement to help him out. She’s a great character.

Then there's Kaji. I didn't mention it at the time, but we learned who he's really working for: Japan's Ministry of Home Affairs. So he's working for just some standard-fare government thing? How boring. Still, I guess I should be grateful that the scale of wackiness doesn't go beyond Seele.

When it comes to Misato and Kaji's relationship, well... If Misato loves him, knowing full well the sort of man he is, I guess it's kinda okay? I just hope the nature of their jobs don't land them in deep trouble down the line. Things could really turn dangerous and nasty if stuff hit the fan, y'know?

Part 5: Asuka and Shinji

Let's end this on a happy note, shall we? I can't believe I'm only now realizing it, but Asuka is just a straight up tsundere. I've even noticed her many attempts at showing off for Shinji's benefit and her many gripes that Shinji isn't more interesting. Heck, there was even the synchronization training! But it's only now clicked...

So what prompted the kiss? I'd wager that spending a day out with some boy from school on an arranged blind date was what did it. She probably spent all that time thinking about a certain someone she'd much rather be with! Claiming to be bored, that she did it just for fun, is her way of making an excuse so she could back out of it and maintain her self-perceived dignity.

Shinji being a lonely, horny teenager who was already attracted to her, yeah, I'd guess that he'd be more than willing to pursue Asuka. He almost passed out holding his breath for the kiss, after all. If Asuka said "Shinji, we're dating now," I guarantee you he'd say "O-okay." Though I can imagine that the shipping wars in this fandom must have been... intense... during its heyday.

So yeah, guess that's all the thoughts in my head vomited out. Not sure how to end this, so... See you with more Evangelion tomorrow!

#Neon Genesis Evangelion #NGE episode 15 #Neon Genesis Evangelion Liveblog #Liveblogging #Liveblog

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moonprizmz · 7 years

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Stolen from @ambulantics <3 (she said to do them in her tags, but also these are fun and I do what I want)

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

My emotions have been all over the place lately and I have to start applying for classes soon and have no clue which ones to pick and AHHHHHHHHH

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Nopw

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

Not really, just don’t do it around me please.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Sorta, depends

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Watching anime (NGE specifically)

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Pird most likely

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

I honestly don’t know. I’d probably be devastated though

8: Are you close with your dad?

Yeah sorta, but I don’t get to see him as much as I would like for reasons

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

10: What are you listening to?

Lion Heart - SNSD

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Chai Tea Lattes!!!!

12: Do you like hickeys?

Never had one but the idea is kinda hot

13: What time do you go to bed?

between 3-6am (it’s summer vacation here and I don’t go out ever)

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Not really

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Probably not

16: Do you always answer your texts?

Generally yeah

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Texting her right now but in person/over the phone, I think last week

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

Yeah

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I need to stop sleeping at 6 am

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

Nope

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

Yeah

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Yeah

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

Yeah

25: In the past week, have you cried?

lololololol yup

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

Gray

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Maybe

29: Do you have a best friend?

Yeeeee

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

Yeah

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

My mom/Pird

32: Are you mad at anyone?

Kinda?

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

If a month older counts then yeah sure

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

35: How many more days until your birthday?

I don’t feel like doing the math but my bday is in Feb.

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

Maybe Little Tokyo/626 Night Market with fam, but other than that no. Oh and finally taking my fucking driving test (and hopefully passing first try)

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Yeah

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

Yeah

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

I don’t think so, at least not the big ones

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

Yeah

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

If you’re underage and even barely legal, yes, otherwise no just proceed with caution

42: Are you available?

Emotionally, no

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

One

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

Naval

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

It’d be nice

46: Do you regret anything?

Yeeee

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

School and people

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

It feels like it

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

Because it wouldn’t be right

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Yeah

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Not right now

53: What was the last thing you ate?

Pasta salad

54: Did you get any compliments today?

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

Probably Philippines

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

Yeeee (still crying from all the money spent in Japan)

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

Uh I think it’s pretty even

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

SoCal

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

Last weekend I think? (I actually drove for like 2 hrs not straight, but still I drove)

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

No (but like I always wanted to secretly, but only amongst close/trusted friends)

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

Yeah

62: Who do you text the most?

PIRD

63: What was the last movie you saw?

Wonder Woman

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

I’m single

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

0 (not counting the “middle school bf” I had at the time, that wasn’t a real relationship)

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

67: Do you curse around your parents?

68: Are you happy with where you live?

Not really

69: Picture of yourself?

I posted prom pics of me last year you are welcome to look for

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

Monogamy, I personally don’t think I could be in an open relationship

71: Have you ever been dumped?

Yeah I guess? But it was more along the lines of talking it out and then ending

72: What do you most like about making out?

Being physically close and intimate with a person I’m connected too

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

Once? In middle school but it was more the guy caught me by surprise and tried to eat my face for 5 secs before I pulled away all grossed out

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

The other

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

Hair and if they have more toned arms

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

Pird

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

Never had sex

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

See above

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

Kpop idols when they’re trying their best to speak English/the language of the country they’re performing in that isn’t their own

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

Not at the moment since I’m still pretty young, but I wouldn’t be opposed to it when I’m older

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

Yeah

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

Not really

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

Yeah

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

Prom last year

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

86: How can I win your heart?

Be a generally good person that can make me laugh and I can chill with and has something they’re passionate about

87: What is your astrological sign?

Aquarius

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Anime

89: Do you cook?

lololololol (I could probably follow a fairly easy recipe though)

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

Kinda

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

Not super experienced, but I think I’m too awkward/uncomfortable with dating around so probably monogamy

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

I’m not really super specific or picky, but taller than me (doesn’t have to be by a lot) and maybe have nice hair

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

MONEY, a driver’s license, more freedom/independence, a clear purpose in life (whoops, got too deep?)

95: Are you a player?

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

Yeah

97: Are you a tease?

I guess?

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

Yeah

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

Idk

101: Hugs or Kisses?

Both

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Yes

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Hair

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

Yeah

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

106: Do you flirt a lot?

Not really? I don’t think so?

107: Your last kiss?

2 months ago

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

Won’t say

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

Nope

112: Does someone like you currently?

Probably not

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

It’s confusing

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious relationship (never had a fling, but I’m pretty sure it’s not for me)

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

No? (it was an ambiguous time)

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

I think in a relationship, but I’m trying really hard to learn to be happy with just me

117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.

Would you like to be able to actually start/finish all these art projects you said you would do and have them turn out actually nice? Heck yesssss

#asks #answered #even though no one asked in the first place #i do what i want

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glittership · 7 years

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Episode #33 — Fiction by S. Qiouyi Lu and JY Yang

Download this episode (right click and save)

And here’s the RSS feed: http://glittership.podbean.com/feed/

Curiosity Fruit Machine

by S. Qiouyi Lu

“What is it?” Alliq says.

Jalzy runs eir hands over the object. It’s a box of some sort, made from metal with organic paneling; a narrow lever sticks out from one side. Ey finds emself reaching out to the lever, eir fingers grasping the pockmarked knob at the end as if working from unearthed muscle memory.

“I have no clue,” Jalzy says. “But… I kinda wanna pull this and see what happens.”

CURIOSITY FRUIT MACHINE and THE SLOW ONES are both GlitterShip Originals.

[Full transcript after the cut]

Hello! Welcome to GlitterShip, episode 33 for February 14, 2017. This is your host, Keffy, and I’m super excited to be sharing these stories with you.

We have two stories this week, “Curiosity Fruit Machine” by S. Qiouyi Lu and “The Slow Ones” by JY Yang. Even better, S. narrated both stories for us!

S. Qiouyi Lu is a writer, artist, narrator, and translator; their stories have appeared in Strange Horizons and Daily Science Fiction, and their poetry has appeared in Liminality and Uncanny. They are a 2016 graduate of the Clarion West writers workshop and a dread member of the Queer Asian SFFH Illuminati. Find them online at s.qiouyi.lu or follow them on Twitter at @sqiouyilu.

JY Yang is a queer, non-binary writer and editor who has short fiction published or forthcoming in places like Uncanny, Lightspeed, Strange Horizons and Tor.com. Their debut novellas, THE RED THREADS OF FORTUNE and THE BLACK TIDES OF HEAVEN, will be out from Tor.com Publishing in Fall 2017. They live in Singapore, edit fiction at Epigram Books, and swan about Twitter as @halleluyang.

Curiosity Fruit Machine

by S. Qiouyi Lu

“What is it?” Alliq says.

“I have no clue,” Jalzy says. “But… I kinda wanna pull this and see what happens.”

Alliq frowns. “Don’t. For all we know, that thing could be some sort of weapon. We should probably wait for the others to catch up so we can get the engineering team to take a proper look.”

Alliq’s voice fades into a mumble. Jalzy presses eir nose to the glass front of the object and brushes a tight curl of hair out of eir face. Ey can just barely make out some lettering—PAY. Eir grasp of 21st-century English is weak, but this seems to be a money machine of some sort. Surely, ey thinks, bringing eir arm down, a money machine can’t hurt em…

“Don’t—!”

The object whirs to life, three wheels inside the glass case spinning; a few of the bulbs lining the edge buzz and spark. Jalzy jumps back. Oh crap. Ccccccclackkkclackkclackkk—didn’t old-timey explosives make that sound? Or were explosives more of a tick-tock sound? One of the wheels clicks as it stops—Jalzy grabs Alliq by the wrist, drags xem to a safe spot behind a wall of heavy crates—then another click—they brace themselves—and—click!

Alliq flinches. Jalzy waits a moment—a dud, perhaps?—before peeking past the edge of the crates. The object’s face shows one symbol, then two of the same symbol. The first is an oblong, yellow shape, and the next two are round, red orbs connected by an inverted green V.

“I think we’re safe,” Jalzy whispers. Alliq comes up from xyr braced position.

“Goddammit, don’t do this to me,” Alliq hisses. Xe’s sweating a little, xyr forehead shining, and Jalzy has to suppress a giggle.

“Hey, we’re fine, right?” Ey steps out from behind the crates and goes back to the object. Ey crouches down. There’s a metal trough underneath the symbols, but it’s empty. Do they need to put something in there?

“Jalzy,” Alliq says from over eir shoulder, “those are—those are pictures of fruit.”

“What’s a fruit?”

“Seriously?” Alliq says, voice laden with exasperation. When Jalzy gives xem a blank stare, Alliq points at the oblong symbol and says, “Look, the first one is a lemon. Those two on the right, those are cherries.”

Jalzy squints. “I thought ‘cherry’ and ‘lemon’ were just colors. You know, like how we also have orange nutriblocks in our sustenance packs.”

Alliq snorts. “You know there used to be a fruit called ‘orange’, right? It wasn’t just a color. Those are actually flavors. They came from these.”

Jalzy straightens up and paces around the object. “So what is this, a fruit-making machine?”

“Did you never take terrabiology?” Alliq says. “History of Earth? Anything?”

“Look, I took astrophysics so I wouldn’t have to deal with so much reading, okay,” Jalzy says, flipping eir crown of curls over eir shoulder. “So just educate me already, O All-Knowing Alliq.”

Alliq crosses xyr arms over xyr chest in a huff. “Fruit comes from seeds, not machines. I mean, we perfected the science to duplicate the flavors all the way back in the 21st century, but we never really got down how to duplicate the organic material. So the best we’ve got now is our nutriblocks.” Xe unfolds xyr arms and circles around the object. “This—this is something else entirely. I don’t think it actually has anything to do with food.”

“So, if it doesn’t seem to be a weapon, and it doesn’t produce anything… wanna pull the lever again and see what happens?” Jalzy grins slyly at Alliq, who raises xyr hands in surrender.

“I’m going to check out the other room. If I were you, I’d just keep doing inventory until engineering gets here and can confirm what kind of object that is.”

Jalzy sticks out eir tongue.

“Good thing you’re not me,” ey says.

And ey pulls the lever again.

END

The Slow Ones

by JY Yang

“The grass is dying.”

Kira looked up from squeezing a sachet of turkey-flavored sludge into the cat’s bowl. Thom was standing by the living room window in his bathrobe still, holding a chipped mug of coffee and gazing out.

“What?” she asked.

“The grass. In the garden. It’s gone all brown.”

She dumped the sachet in the trash and almost rinsed her sticky fingers under the kitchen faucet. But she remembered in time, and instead wiped them on the dishtowel she’d hung up.

She hurried into the living room.

“There,” Thom said, “see?”

In the small rectangle of dirt they called a garden the sparse tufts of grass had shriveled and turned colorless like the hair on an old man’s head. A flap of crisp packet gleamed in the far corner, silver-underside-up, chicken bones scattered around it. The neighborhood kids. Kira wondered how long they had been there. Maybe forever. Everything seemed stuck in stasis these days.

The grass had been in decline for a long time, months before the invasion began. Once upon a time Kira had plans for that patch. She had imagined cultivating flowers: Tulips, daffodils, rosebushes. Climbing ivies for the trellis. Maybe even one of those outdoor water features. But there hadn’t been any time, had there?

“Hasn’t rained in weeks,” Thom said. “Might never rain again.”

Kira exhaled and stormed back to the kitchen. The clock said five to three and she wished it didn’t. She took a box of porkloin out of the freezer and popped it into the fridge.

“Might as well dig it all up,” Thom said from the living room.

“Yeah, why don’t you do it?” she said, louder than she’d intended.

The cat had cleaned out her bowl and now stood staring at Kira, tail stiff in expectation. Kira snatched the water dish off the floor, then gingerly ran a centimeter of water into it. “Don’t waste it,” she told the cat as she sat it down again.

In the living room Thom had settled into the armchair, knees apart, eyes blank. “What would be the point?”

“What?”

He turned to look at her, framed in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, and shrugged. “There’s no point.”

“Whatever,” she said, and went to put her boots on.

The cat had followed her out of the kitchen. “Come here, girl,” she heard Thom say, his voice soft and charming, like it always used to be.

Kira shoved her feet into the narrow confines of her boots. “I’ve left pork chops in the fridge to defrost,” she said. “If you have time, you could make dinner.” She knew he wouldn’t.

The cat settled on the windowsill to watch her as she stepped outside and locked the front door.

Kira pulled her coat around herself, and then, because she had to, like pulling a plaster off, to get it over with; because she couldn’t just ignore it, she looked up at the sky.

From horizon to horizon, the sky above their street was filled with aliens. A thick layer of massive silver bodies, like cumulus rolls made of mercury, slid by over the tops of the streetlamps, the roofs, the twisted fingers of bare trees. Sunlight sometimes leaked through their bulk, but not often; the world had been in a state of weak thunderstorm dusk for weeks.

The president of the United States had called them the Slow Ones, and the name stuck. Their enormous smooth bodies slipped against one another in a never-ending parade. There were scales and faint markings on each one whose purpose was impossible to discern. Concentric discs in alternating light and dark colors, larger across than a commercial jetliner, were assumed by observers to be eyes. But the gaping maw in front of each one, leading into unfathomable darkness: That one everyone could agree on. It was a mouth. A permanently open mouth.

They were sucking up all the water vapor in the atmosphere. That was what the scientists on the proper news channels—BBC, CNN, Al-Jazeera—were all saying. But even the so-called experts knew so little about what was going on that people were no worse off reading crackpot theories on the Internet. Those had sprung up like mushrooms in the wake of rain, or perhaps, in the absence of it. They offered up all kinds of explanations as to what was happening: Act of God, benign migration, hostile invasion, collective hallucination.

The first few days after the Slow Ones arrived, pouring into the sky above Alaska like reflective pancake batter until they blanketed the Earth, Thom had spent hours scrolling through theory after theory after theory, the most promising of which he served up to Kira over dinner, or texted to her while he was at work.

That was when he still had work.

The Slow Ones were aliens. This was something almost everyone—the scientist, the conspiracy theorist, the person on the street—agreed on. They were not of this world.

The prevailing theory was that these were migratory creatures and they would leave for unknown pastures in good time. And then sunlight and blue skies and rain would return to the world. Wind and weather and water evaporation, all those good things.

It was unlikely a theory as anything, but it allowed people to hold on to hope.

Kira put her hood up and hurried down the street. If she walked fast enough, she might catch the three-fifteen bus to the city center.

She missed the bus.

When Kira finally arrived at the city center, the air under the Slow Ones was still. Not a wing stirred in it, not a guttural call rang out. Gulls were a year-round phenomenon in Norwich, sailing from spire to spire and filling public spaces with their noises regardless of the season. But their numbers in the market square had been dwindling since the Slow Ones arrived, and today was the day, it seemed, they passed the point of no return.

Kira noted this with an odd trill in her belly. She, like everyone else, had grown numb to the clipped tones of a Dr. Somebody explaining to a presenter, in clinical terms, how the disruption to the Earth’s water cycle was killing all the fish in the ocean. But it was another thing entirely to watch all the seabirds vanish before her eyes, relegated to an unknown fate.

She hurried through the semi-sparse mid-afternoon crowd. When Thom’s agency had moved him here a few years ago, she had been struck by how many retirees she saw on the streets. It felt like a different kind of fabric had been sewn in place compared to London which she had just gotten used to, and Kuala Lumpur where she had grown up. It was a good move for them, Thom being promoted to Norfolk branch manager, but Kira had wondered about all the people here, aging in place. It put in her mind an image of people sinking to the bottom of a lake, like sediment.

Of course, at that time tourism was still a booming industry, and Thom had glowing images in his sights, futures full of holiday cottages and ski trips to the Alps. Neither of them knew what lay on the horizon: the shrinkings and the layoffs and the final collapse that awaited them. The arrival of the Slow Ones had only been a final straw.

As she walked past the market square Charles, who ran one of the fruit stalls, waved at her. “All right?” he asked.

An impulse seized her then, a screaming impulse, one which wanted to ask him how could he be so calm, couldn’t he see what was happening? She wanted to grab him and shake him, point him to the sky and the shuttered fish stall next to him and the sad twisted things that were left of his wares, she wanted to do that and ask, Can’t you see? Can’t you see? She wanted to run at all the white-haired folk shuffling down the street getting on with their business as usual and shout it at them, shout it into their hairy wrinkled ears.

She smiled at Charles. “Yeah, I’m alright.”

By the time she had gone down all the little streets that led her to the Pushcart she was half an hour late for work. As she came through the eatery’s glass-paneled wooden door she caught a glimpse of Melanie’s splendid silhouette at the till and her heart did that weird flutter it always did when Melanie was around. She shoved that sensation deep inside herself, where it belonged, and put on her shop-girl smile.

In the afternoons the Pushcart sold tea and scones and crepes with bacon and maple syrup. Come evenings and the menu switched to alcohol and deep-fried things served in small silver buckets. Today the sign said no tea, they were under rations, bottled drinks only please. The warm brown interior of the cafe held a handful of lethargic patrons in various states of apathy, chewing fitfully or reading the news. Some of them were watching the TV nailed to the far wall, framed by old ship ropes and seashells. They usually kept it off unless there was footy going on, but since the Slow Ones came it had been permanently fixed to BBC News. The prevailing graphic, set to an indistinct voiceover, said WHAT WE KNOW SO FAR.

(Nothing. They knew nothing. When governments and scientists sent drones and instruments up to the Slow Ones they stopped working, some kind of electromagnetic interference, they said. NASA was stumped. Everybody was stumped, grasping at straws.)

Melanie didn’t turn around as Kira stashed her things under the counter. That was an anomaly: For the past six months Kira’s work routine had always begun with her warm and buttery smile. She studied her coworker’s broad back, hunched over the till, noting the crooked way the apron was fastened around her waist. “You alright?”

Melanie straightened up with a speed that suggested she hadn’t heard Kira come in. “Hey. How’s it going?”

She looked tired, a collection of messy lines and dark smudges, as though the weekend had worn her face thin somehow. “You alright?” she repeated.

“Yeah, I suppose. The sky hasn’t fallen in, has it?” She gave Kira a laugh, and it was the kind that spoke less of mirth than it did of defeat. “How’s life at home?”

Kira’s fingers fumbled with her apron strings. Melanie noticed her struggling and said, “Let me get that.”

With her back turned Kira said, “Life goes on. Thom’s still moping.”

A firm tug at her waist. “He’ll recover. Have faith.”

“I’m an atheist for a reason.” She turned around. “How’s Angie?”

“Ha. Funny you should ask.” Melanie sucked in a breath. “She’s gone back to Sheffield.”

“What, you mean—”

“Yeah. Permanently. She spent the weekend packing.” Melanie was staring at her knuckles, which she kept lightly punching against the counter.

“I’m sorry. What happened?”

“Can’t quite say, really. Just th— I don’t know. She’d been planning it for a while, I think. She got back with her ex without telling me.” She looked at Kira suddenly, eyes bright and shining. “Might as well, eh? End of the world and all that.”

“I’m sorry.” She reached out and touched Melanie’s forearm for a brief, hot moment. “I’m surprised, honestly.”

“Are you.”

“I mean, I—” She wanted to say, I always thought you two had the perfect relationship. “You two seemed so happy.”

“We did, didn’t we?” She laughed again, and one corner of her mouth quirked upwards. In the slant of those lips Kira suddenly saw the cracking of facade and glimpsed familiar shores: the simmering irritations, the long silent nights, the cold stretches of not-arguments that thawed slowly into not-forgiveness.

“Come help me with this till,” Melanie said. “Something’s wrong.”

They fought with the till. It was an old-fashioned one, just buttons and a drawer that popped out. It was jammed. They figured out the problem—a coin had gotten stuck, down the side of the drawer, and they fished it out with a flat screwdriver.

“There you are, you little bastard,” Melanie said, shaking the coin like a misbehaving puppy. She put it on top of the till, a tiny victory.

At six a man barged into the Pushcart and slammed into the counter as Kira was ringing up an old lady’s tea. “Turn your TV on,” he rasped.

“It’s on,” Kira said, pointing. The President of the United States, looking like he had aged ten years in as many days, was speaking inaudibly. In one corner a red block declared “LIVE.”

The man was youngish, clean-shaven, dressed in clothes that were well looked-after. “Turn it up. Turn it up.”

Kira looked around, but she had no idea where Melanie was. The woman by the TV stepped up and reached for the volume dial. The voice of the US president, clipped and nasal, rose up and filled the room.

“… THAT I AUTHORIZE THE USE OF THERMONUCLEAR WEAPONS AGAINST THE PHENOMENON KNOWN AS THE SLOW ONES…”

“He’s going to nuke them,” the man who’d burst in said. “It’s mental.”

Titters of conversation filled the room. What could that mean? Kira felt like the ground under her was vanishing, but she couldn’t tell if it was her or the planet that was evaporating.

The US president said: The missiles would be released over the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, far from any centers of civilization.

The US president said: America could no longer wait for world powers to deliberate on a unified course of action.

The US president said: America must take steps necessary to safeguard our future.

A young man near the front of house was telling his girlfriend, in loud tones, how the radiation was going to get seeded in the atmosphere and kill them all. He was a physicist, he knew. The hawks running America, drunk on their Hollywood apocalypse dreams, were going to destroy life on the planet as we knew it.

“It’s war, you know,” the old lady at the till said to Kira. “The Russians aren’t going to like it. They’re going to do something, you’ll see.” She declared it matter-of-factly, with utter conviction, and Kira saw the young girl she had been, bent over the radio, listening for news from the frontlines.

On impulse she said, “It’s on the house,” and closed the till. “Go on, everything’s free today.”

The man who had run in said, “Could I get—”

“No, no, we’re closing.” Kira walked out from behind the counter, her legs shaky but still functional, and went to the glass-paneled door. The US president was still talking. She refused to look at the sky as she flipped the “OPEN” sign over. “I’m sorry. Please, everyone, could you just leave. We’re closed. Everything’s on the house.”

The scattered handfuls looked at her and each other, uncertain.

“Go home,” Kira said. “Call your mother, hug your children. Go home.”

She watched them file out onto the dark streets. When it was just her in the Pushcart she abandoned the unwashed, undressed tables and turned the lights out. Craig, the owner, only came in on Thursdays and weekends. She’d sort it out later.

She found Melanie behind the storeroom door, chest still slowly heaving in the wake of a long fit of crying. She stood up, looking embarrassed, as Kira came in. “Sorry. I—still a bit of a mess—did something happen?”

Kira ghosted towards her, fixed on her red-rimmed eyes, her lips. “The world’s going to end.”

“What?”

“The Americans are going to nuke the Slow Ones. They’re doing it tomorrow.”

Melanie exhaled. “Madness.”

Madness, chaos, centers not holding. Just what was she clinging on to, anyway?

Kira reached up and kissed her.

Melanie’s body reacted with surprise at first, then hunger. She had strong arms that could lift a double carton of coffee beans over her head, and they trembled around Kira’s waist. As Kira sublimed into liquid Melanie closed the door behind them, so that nobody would hear.

Later, as they sat together on the floor, sticky skin to sticky skin, Melanie asked, “Why?” No modifiers, no clauses. Just ”why.”

Kira remained quiet for a while, pinching her toes inside the lingering damp heat of her boots. “Thom once told me about a theory he read. You know how they said the Slow Ones might be like migratory birds?”

“I’ve heard that one. Sounds like tosh. But pretty much everything does these days.”

“Well, migratory birds come back every year. So why haven’t we seen the Slow Ones before? Why has no-one, out of all of human history, ever mentioned them?”

“So they’re not migratory.”

Kira could still picture Thom’s face as he had grilled her over this theory at the dinner table. How his freckled face had lit up with schoolboy excitement at the prospect of humanity’s destruction, something interesting happening at last. “Well, the universe operates on a different scale, doesn’t it? Billions and billions. What if the Slow Ones do come back, but so long that they only appear once every geologic age?”

Melanie made a grunting noise. Kira settled her soft hip against Melanie’s bony one. “It’s the extinction events,” she said.

“What are those?”

“Big die-offs.” She curled her fingers around one of Melanie’s nipples. “Like the dinosaurs. The Cretaceous-Tertiary extinction. That’s the one everyone knows, but it wasn’t the only one. The fossil record is full of mass extinctions. Late Devonian, Permian-Triassic, Triassic-Jurassic… Once every thirty million years, like clockwork. Scientists don’t know why.”

Melanie turned her head, her attention caught. “The Slow Ones?”

“The oceans are already all dead. That’s how it usually starts.”

“So we’re going extinct.”

“Probably. I don’t know. It’s just a theory, anyway.”

Melanie blew air through wet lips. “It’s not like we can get off this planet, is it?”

Kira laid her head against Melanie’s shoulder and listened to the sound of her breathing for a while. “You know,” she said, “some scientists think extinction events are like planetary do-overs. Evolution speeds up after each extinction event. New forms of life start to flourish.”

“Like when you get left for a younger woman.”

Kira snorted. Melanie caught the edge of her hand and caressed the tip of her little finger, gently feeling around the shape of knuckle. How small our bones are, Kira thought, how fragile. What if whoever comes after us never finds them? It would be as if we never existed. A blank in the fossil record.

“Are you going to tell Thom?” Melanie asked.

Kira thought of what Thom’s reaction might be. The things he would say, and the things he wouldn’t. The look on his face, both accusatory and triumphant. She felt tired.

“No,” she said finally. “He’s got enough on his mind.”

She could see him now, in his bathrobe still, standing at the window, watching grass die in their garden as the sky grew darker and darker. In the fridge, untouched, a pair of pork chops slowly defrosted, waiting and waiting and waiting.

END

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Thanks for listening, and I’ll be back on February 28 with a reprint of “for she is the stars, and the sun revolves around her” by Agatha Tan.

[Music plays out]

Episode #33 — Fiction by S. Qiouyi Lu and JY Yang was originally published on GlitterShip

#GlitterShip #lgbtq fiction #queer fiction #short stories #science fiction and fantasy #podcast

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