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seelestia · 2 years

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HI HI NEW WRITING MOOTS <3 <3

o gosh heizou would have immediately found me out lol oh i see you!! helloooo <3

aaaa thank you ;w; hehe i’m a lil proud of the voicelines thingy! i just posted the full thing today and i might want to do it for the other series too maybe in the future! the code itself is nothing too complicated actually, just basic HTML / CSS / JS!! given time and the knowledge anyone can do it haha hnggg i’m glad the lore was interesting i was nervous it would be too cliche or boring lol

he’s a very fine gentleman ok give him the appreciation he deserves /j aww that does sound adorable!! and slkdjfsljdf pls you’re making me blush 🙈 yup yup!! i am just here to have fun and i shall remember to do what makes me happy <3

will albedo succeeds in wooing you?? or will susbedo realize that he has fallen in love with you??? or will you decide to ditch the two ‘bedos and look for a more suitable partner like zhongli??? we may never know….

👀 wdym lia come on now i merely chose that intermission from my collections of intermissions… zhongli being picked is just a coincidence… and i definitely haven’t been spending time at all with mr. zhongli, no no….

…. ok look i mean now that i’m off anon and you’re free to explore my account, you probably know about my… ahem… affection…. towards a certain refined, gorgeous, voice-like-velvet-eyes-of-molten-lava-drop-dead-gorgeous man…. sooo…. i’m just gonna to simp openly in your askbox now hope you don’t mind 🤭 /lh

wdym when YOUR brain is just as big, if not bigger than mine??? look at all your ✨amazing✨work!!! so beautifully written, exquisite storytelling and description 💯💯💯 i love your work sm too <3 <3 <3 hehe hope you enjoy binging the masterlist!!

you're right, it doesn’t ;w; i love xiao’s playstyle so much, it’s just so high-paced and gets me super engaged, so yeah definitely recommend to pull him next if you can!! and omgggg 15 pity kazuha…. i lost 50/50 to qiqi at 77 pity and kazuha only came home at 66…. at least xiao was kind and came home at 43 pity last time (altho i lost 50/50 to jean first slkdjflksjdflkjsdf). i wanted klee too but… kazuha ran me dry… super glad i stubbornly persisted tho, his synergy with xiao is really good!!

funny you ask that cause i’m saving up for hubby’s next banner :D but also…. same!! al haitham looks interesting ;)) and i heard from my friend that dori will have an ‘adorable’ kind of gameplay (kinda like klee), so she’s on my radar too!

hello, rin !! >:) ah yes, heizou and his dearest sidekick named, "intuition". 🔍 hehe, me and my emo albedo theme says hi too~

yeah, let's leave the 2bedo's in dragonspine and go search for that one fine man in liyue harbor FJDWKKDK ignore the teleport waypoints, the journey by foot will be worth it <3 (/j)

AS YOU SHOULD???? IT'S SO COOL I'M FLABBERGASTED??? the live version makes me float to cloud nine, aaaa. the way zhongli talks about his spouse so reminiscently and lovingly + the graphics >>>. oh my goodness, they help sm with the immersion !! you've outdone yourself, rin !! even if it's a simple thing in your eyes, i still think you did an amazing job ;D

[ talks about unreleased sumeru characters under the cut !! ]

if i ever create a genshin oc and want to make a cool edit for them, i'll definitely ask you for help! (/hj) rin best editor in my eyes <3

rin, it's either you've specifically typed his name when you're searching for that intermission or you've already used that gif before, hmm. 👀 either way, you seem quite smitten with him and by all means, do as you please. walk side by side through the streets of liyue, share a few stories and knowledge, have a meal and some drinks, be merry with him! ꒰˘꒳˘๑꒱

THE DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS, HELP. yes, i can feel your affections from a mile away and who am i to go against your wishes? >:) you'd do this for me if i word-vomit about heizou or that one fancy commissioner too 🤝 (/lh)

you're the best at coming up with ideas while i excel better in elaborating them a teeny tiny bit, so i'd say i am naught if i don't have my partner in crime to release plot bunnies with me !! and ofc, i will! your works are a jar of expensive candied petals to me like they are so simple yet so eloquent fjwkkdksk love em <3

mhm, xiao's playstyle really said "you better focus here." because i remembered being taken aback because his e skill is SO QUICK and as a kazuha main back then, the lack of having to hold the e skill shocks me. (/j)

your struggles to get kazuha... he saw you with zhongli and left the chat. (/j) i'm glad he has come home for you tho! zuha is super fun to play + the less cooldown bonus with double anemo on your team !! and about qiqi... hmm, let her be the unofficial adoptive daughter of zhongli and his spouse 👀 fun fact: qiqi is the only standard chara i don't have! my c1 mona is staring at me menacingly as we speak.

your hubby's shield is on another level, i think i might try my luck with him??? if i win the 50/50, that'd be cool but if i lose, then it means guaranteed al-haitham >:) OOO, DORI !! i saw her gameplay's leaks and she's so cute??? a little merchant on a squishy creature swinging a claymore <3 once upon a time when my klee used to have lost prayers as her weapon before i gave it to heizou jfkekdksk she says hi with her dodoco tales!

#GUYS THE LIVE VERSION OF THE VOICELINES IS SUPER COOL !! rin's skills >>>#her zhongli x god of war!reader au... delicious chef's kiss with these two being simps for each other ;(#i hope your day has been good rin! my partner in crime deserves to have the best day <3 #ask box! 📬#visitor: dearest rin! 💠

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jjungkookislife · 3 years

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Crybaby [Ch. 2]

ღ pairing: namjoon x crybaby!reader

ღ genre: s2l, f2l, angst

ღ summary: Sometimes you wish you weren’t a crybaby.

ღ wc: 3.6k

ღ warnings: cursing, alcohol use/consumption, oc is a crybaby but joon likes her, allusions to depression, insecurity

ღ date: May 13, 2021

“What was that about?” Jimin asks as he corners you in the kitchen later in the evening. You allow Taehyung to help you onto the kitchen counter, standing between your thighs after you’re settled. Jimin stands beside him, a brow raised and a smug smile on his pretty lips.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you shrug, knowing damn well what they’re talking about.

“Yes, you do,” they say in unison. It baffles you, despite being accustomed to them answering together when talking to one or the other. You weren’t going to lie, it was off-putting at times.

“Must you do that? It’s creepy.” you stick your tongue out at them, reaching for the bag of Ruffles beside you.

“What’s creepy?” they ask again.

“I can’t handle the two of you when you do that,” you mutter under your breath, crunching obnoxiously on your chips.

“So you’re on kissing territory with Namjoon?” Taehyung smirks, feeling slightly bad when you choke on your chips. He pats your back with his large palm until you’re spitting chewed up chips into Jimin’s hand.

“Namjoon’s got forehead territory now?” Jimin chuckles, turning on the sink faucet to wash your mess off his hands, not once grimacing. This was the man who’d held your hair back when you’d just turned of age to drink and gone a bit overboard until you realized your limit. Chewed up chips and spit were nothing to him; it desensitized him.

“Okay, if you won’t tell us, I’m sure Namjoon would,” Taehyung shrugs, stepping away from you, his curly hair bouncing when he turns.

“Wait!” You call out.

“Yes?” Taehyung smiles smugly. Jimin laughs from beside you, drying his hands with a kitchen towel. They’ve got you now.

“I was scared, okay? Jungkook picks the worst movies,” you grumble, hopping off the counter. You grab the snacks you promised to get during your intermission while the others stretched, went to the bathroom and voted on what to watch next.

“Jungkook does what?” Jungkook asks as he walks into the kitchen to see what’s taking the three of you so long to grab snacks when almost everything was on the counter.

“Jungkook is the best friend ever,” you cover, throwing your arms around his waist, nearly toppling the both of you over when he loses his footing. He chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re something else, Crybaby. Come on, you get to pick the next movie.”

“Woo-hoo!” you cheer, your arms wrapped around Jungkook’s back as he leads you back to the living room. Jungkook laughs, turning to grab you and throw you over his shoulder. You squeal, making all your friends laugh as Jungkook drops you onto the couch with your blanket.

“What are we watching, Crybaby?” Hoseok asks from his spot, tugging his blanket away from Yoongi.

“We’re supposed to share,” Yoongi grunts, tugging the blanket back to himself. Hoseok rolls his eyes before giving in to the older man.

“Anyway,” Seokjin interrupts. “What are we watching?”

Namjoon looks over at you for a moment before looking away. He takes his seat beside you, going to his phone to pretend to be uninterested, but he’s paying attention carefully, eager to learn more about you by what movie you choose.

“Can I pick anything?” you ask your friends, making sure they’re all on board before you pick something.

“Yeah, go for it!” Taehyung exclaims, knowing he’ll probably fall asleep half-way through.

“Beetlejuice,” you state, taking a bag of chocolate-covered almonds off the coffee table. Your friends are pretty content with your choice, settling into their original spots as Jungkook finds the movie and starts it.

“Gimme,” Jungkook pulls on your blanket until you’re sharing it with him. You place your head on his shoulder as the opening credits begin.

Namjoon watches you from his side of the couch, biting his lip. He can’t help but feel jealous at the sight of his younger brother wrapping his arm around your shoulder to pull you close, your giddy laughter filling the air as he throws popcorn at you to catch in your mouth.

“Jungkook!” you shout, pouting until he presses the popcorn to your lips, your mouth opening easily to accept it, licking your lips after. Jungkook chuckles, tossing popcorn into the air, only to catch it in his mouth effortlessly.

Your friends lose themselves to the movie, but you lose interest near the end. You grab your phone, looking through your socials for a while before you set your phone down.

When the movie comes to an end, most of your friends are ready to do something else, bored of sitting still for hours on end.

“Let’s do shots!” Yoongi cheers before running to the kitchen, pulling out a bottle. Jungkook shrugs as he grabs shot glasses for everyone.

“You want one, baby?” he asks, an eyebrow raised in your direction. You nod as Taehyung talks to the Google Mini, “Play Baby One More Time.”

“That’s an old ass song,” Hoseok chuckles as he waits for Jungkook to finish pouring shots for everyone.

“My loneliness is killing me!” Jimin starts singing loudly before Taehyung chimes in. “And I!”

“Oh god, don’t start,” you laugh, shaking your head at your friends, an incredulous smile tugging at your lips.

Hoseok looks at you, taking your hands in his as he sings, “I must confess, I still believe!”

All your friends (except Namjoon who’s trying to pretend he doesn’t like the song, but is very much tapping his foot to the beat) scream-sing, “Still believe!!!”

“When I’m not with you...!” Yoongi shouts, causing you to giggle.

“I lose my mind!” Seokjin continues, blowing you a kiss. You catch it and pocket it for later, earning a wink from him. Jimin begins dancing in the kitchen with Taehyung.

“Give me a siiiiiiignnnn,” Jungkook sings with a wide grin, finishing filling the shot glasses, winking at you to make you laugh. You shake your head, rolling your eyes before giggling as he uses the bottle as a microphone.

Everyone looks at Namjoon, who sighs. “Hit me baby one more time.”

“Whoo!” Seokjin cheers as Jungkook hands a shot to everyone.

“Bottoms up!” you lift your glass, taking the shot and grimacing as it goes down your throat. You gag, you fucking hated tequila. Before you can say anything, you’ve got Jimin, Yoongi, Hoseok, and Seokjin offering you a lime and salt. You smile, taking Yoongi’s and thanking him.

“So are we doing karaoke next? ‘Cause I am so ready!” Hoseok exclaims with a bright grin.

“I don’t see why not,” Jungkook shrugs. “Seokjin and Tae, go set it up in the living room. I’ll make drinks.”

“Do you need help, Kookie?” you ask in a sweet tone.

“No, baby. Go pick a song. You can go first,” Jungkook tells you, dismissing you with a wave of his hand. Yoongi helps Jungkook with the drinks, making everyone’s favorite as the rest of your friends pile into the living room.

Seokjin and Taehyung easily set up the karaoke, handing you the mic as you look through the songs. You hand the second mic to Tae, who takes it graciously.

Yoongi and Jungkook come in with a tray of drinks, handing them out to everyone and placing yours on the coffee table.

“Do you know this song?” You ask Taehyung, who nods as you start it. Jungkook moves the coffee table to the side carefully as you stand beside Taehyung, knowing the both of you tend to get carried away.

Namjoon watches on from the sidelines, sipping his drink as the song starts. He doesn’t recognize it but he notes the way you lose yourself in it.

“Sometimes I kiss her, and wish that it was you that I'm kissin',” Taehyung sings, his arm around your waist as he sings.

“Sometimes I miss him, and wish that it was you that I'm missin',” you meet Tae’s gaze, the world fading into the background. Tae’s the only one in front of you, and you lose yourself as he sings.

“Sometimes I hug her, and wish that it was you that I'm huggin'.”

“Are they always like this?” Namjoon asks his brother. Jungkook nods, shaking his head, “Crybaby and Jimin are the worst though.”

“I can’t fathom that,” Namjoon comments as you finish the song, belting out the last of the notes before bursting into tears. Taehyung doesn’t miss a beat, wrapping you up in his arms as you bury your face in his neck. Seokjin takes the microphones out of your hands, handing them to Yoongi and Hoseok, allowing them to go next.

Taehyung pulls you with him, sitting on the loveseat and placing you between him and Jimin. Both men soothe you, rubbing your back, and whispering sweet nothings until you’re calmed down once again.

You watch from the sidelines as your friends take their turns; you hum along from the couch, sipping your drink and growing more confident as the alcohol flows through you.

Namjoon can’t seem to keep his eyes off you, becoming more confident as time goes on. He takes his turn, but avoids making eye contact with anyone, not wanting to give himself away by meeting your gaze. Instead, he raps along to one of your favorite songs, Yoongi joining in until everyone sings along, allowing Namjoon to rap at the appropriate parts. Namjoon may think he's being slick, but Jungkook knows his brother very well. He also knows you very well, so it's not a surprise to see the both of you trying to sneak peeks at each other. He's tempted to meddle, so bad, but he knows that could easily backfire in his face is he's not careful. For all he knew, it was just a crush, nothing worth pursuing for either of you. Jungkook shrugs. If you wanted him in your business, you'd ask.

The night fades away until you’re all too tired to go on. You fall asleep on the couch with Jimin on the other end, sharing a blanket. Yoongi joins Jungkook in his bed, Hoseok takes the recliner, Taehyung and Seokjin share the loveseat and Namjoon retired to his bedroom.

Unfortunately for Namjoon, he can’t fall asleep. Thoughts of you race through his mind as he stares up at the ceiling. He thinks about how you felt so soft and warm against him. How despite your fear, you found comfort in him for the first time. He knew he liked to tease you more than your other friends, but he would never cross any lines when it came to you. He still wanted to be your friend, even if his heart fluttered whenever you were near. He wasn't dumb; he knew he liked you, had a crush on you at the very least. He had to listen to Jungkook's teasing day in and day out whenever you weren't around, and that was torture in of itself. Tonight had been amazing... he was not expecting to kiss your forehead. It had felt nice, too nice.

As he laid there in his bed, he wondered if he'd get the chance to do it again. Would you even want him to? Or had it been because he was there while Jungkook was engrossed in the movie? Was he just second best compared to his brother? All these thoughts swirled in his mind, keeping him from being able to sleep. Namjoon just wanted to know where the both of you stood. If he was way over his head when it came to you.

However, he hadn’t had an opportunity to talk to you after the horror movie, but he was glad he'd gotten to see another side of you tonight. That had to count for something, right? He genuinely hoped so.

In the living room, you awake with a start, a pout on your lips as you look around to see all your friends are asleep. It hasn’t been too long since you’ve gone to bed, but you’d had a nightmare and it was impossible to go back to sleep.

You knew you should have just woken up Jimin, or any of your friends, but you didn’t want to bother them. Instead, you carefully got off the couch and walked to the bathroom down the hall.

You washed your face, trying to calm your racing heart. “It was just a dream.” However, it doesn’t help and you’re still scared as you open the bathroom door, only to bump into Joon in the hallway.

“S-sorry,” you stutter, looking down at your feet, unable to meet his questioning look. Namjoon stares at you, watching as you shift uncomfortably under the heat of his gaze.

“Hey.” Namjoon’s tone is soft, cautious as he hesitates to grab your shoulders. You look up at him, tear-filled eyes meeting him. “Are you okay?”

“Bad dream,” you answer him, stepping away from him. “I’m fine.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No, I don’t want to bother you,” you say, tears rolling down your cheeks. You wipe at them, sniffling, before forcing a smile on your face. Namjoon feels his heart ache in his chest. He takes your hand in his, leading you to his bedroom.

“Sit,” he tells you as he grabs a box of tissues to hand to you. You gratefully take them, wiping at your tears and blowing your nose. He sits beside you, leaving an ample space in between.

“You can sleep here,” he offers you his bed. You begin to protest, but he’ll have none of it as he grabs a blanket out of the closet to lie on the floor.

“You don’t have to. I’d feel awful if I took your bed.” you rise from the bed but Joon pins you on the spot with a look. “Okay, but you can sleep here, too. I’d feel awful if you hurt your back because of me.”

“I’ll be fine,” he assures you, but when your eyes tear up again, he sighs before getting into bed beside you. “Happy?”

You sniffle, nodding.

“I know we don’t know each other well,” Namjoon starts, cringing to himself at how awkward he sounds. You look up at him, meeting his gaze, waiting for him to continue, so he does. “But you can talk to me… if you want. No pressure.”

“I appreciate that, Joon.” you tell him sincerely. He nods, wondering what he should do now. “I’m gonna go wash my hands.”

Namjoon watches you go, sighing heavily. What has he gotten himself into? He should just go crash on the couch or sleep on the floor of Jungkook’s room. He rises from his bed, about to make his escape when you come back.

You quirk your head to the side, “You’re not leaving me, are you?”

Namjoon feels his heart somersault. Fuck, he can’t leave you like this. He’d hate himself if he did. It was one night, hell not even a full night, just a few hours. Surely he could survive sleeping beside you for a couple hours?

“Um… no? I just didn’t know what side of the bed you wanted to sleep on,” he lies, but you buy it. You take the side closest to the wall, which makes Namjoon smile. He can leave without having to go over your body or scooting downward to get out of bed in the morning. He was banking on his friends sleeping in.

You lay in his bed. His scent engulfs you as you pull the blanket up to your ribs. You stare at the ceiling, thankful you’ve washed the dry tears off your face. You’re still a little sniffle-y, but nothing as bad as before.

Namjoon clears his throat nervously before he settles into his side of the bed with his own blanket. Should he say something? Should he stay quiet until you fall asleep? Is this an awkward silence or a comfortable one?

“Thank you for letting me stay,” you whisper, turning to look at him.

He nods. “No problem.”

“I hope I’m not too much of a bother,” you say, making Namjoon raise a brow.

“Why would you think you’re a bother?”

You pause, licking your lips to wet them. Should you confide in him? Were you ready to let him into your head? In your heart? Even as just a friend? He was Jungkook’s brother, and you trusted Kook with your life… was that enough to trust Namjoon?

Yes.

At least you were willing to give him a chance.

It feels like a hummingbird has replaced your heart as you try to gather the courage to confide in the man beside you. It’s not necessarily a secret but opening yourself up, being vulnerable with someone you didn’t know that well was terrifying. A shaky breath escapes you, your tongue feels like lead.

Namjoon remains silent, waiting for you to speak. He knows this must be difficult for you. Your inner turmoil becoming evident on your facial features as it overwhelms you. Unfortunately for you, this kind of vulnerability makes you want to cry. It’s obvious when tears pool in your eyes, making them glossy once again. Your throat feels raw, like you’ve swallowed a thousand knives as you try to hold the dam, but it bursts.

In an instant, Namjoon has you in his embrace, warm hands touching you as he coos that everything will be okay. You don’t need to tell him anything; you don’t have to put yourself in that position if you’re not ready at all. His sweet demeanor just makes you want to tell him more, makes you want to break down the walls you’ve put up to keep him out.

“Crybaby,” he whispers gently, his hands rubbing your back in soothing circles. “You’re safe. I’m here for you. Can you take a deep breath for me, sweet girl?”

You try but it’s stuttered, tears rolling into your mouth. You grimace at the saltiness, accepting the tissue Joon hands you.

“Let’s try again, Crybaby. Inhale,” Namjoon inhaled purposefully, his chest rising as he holds his breath for a few seconds. “Exhale.”

You mimic his actions. A sympathetic smile sent your way when you manage to get your breathing under control. A few stray tears roll down your cheeks, but it’s only a minute or two before you’ve stopped crying. You’re still overwhelmed, not just by his presence, but because of the darkness you feel within yourself at being the way you are. It’s been a struggle to accept yourself, and there're times like tonight where you wish you were different. Despite your friends’ best efforts, sometimes the darkness seeped in and festered in your mind. Of course, with the love and support of your friends, the darkness rarely came but when it did, it licked at you like a white hot flame. It scorched your mind, your progress, your being to the very core. It was a nightmare, one you could never seem to overcome.

So you did your best to lock it away, but it slithered like a snake out of the lock, poisoning your thoughts and you. Whether it was a curse or a poison, the affects were all the same. It was debilitating, and you often wondered how much you could take—how much your friends could take—before it became too much? You hoped to never find out.

Your hands tremble as you wipe at your tears. Namjoon’s firm hand still on your back as you exhale shakily. You avoid meeting his eyes, swallowing thickly before you speak just above a whisper.

“I’m an emotional person. It doesn’t matter if it’s happiness, sadness or anger. My emotions overwhelm me. They manifest in tears. I despise it. I wish I wasn’t this way. My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t so easy to read. If-if I didn’t feel emotions so deeply. Felt them so physically… I don’t want to be like this. I’ve wished, bargained and begged the universe to fix me, to make me not feel so passionately but I’m still stuck as this bawling baby. A crybaby.” you sigh heavily, feeling sorrowful. “I wish I was different. I wish the guys didn’t have to try so hard to make me happy. I wish I could make being my friend easy.”

Namjoon takes a moment to allow your words to sink in. He hated that you feel that way about yourself but he hasn’t known you long enough to see the full extent of this. He only knows what he’s seen and what you’ve said, so he tries his best.

“Changing yourself for the benefit of others is an injustice to yourself. And to the people who love you just the way you are.”

“Wouldn't it be better though?” You ask, finally allowing yourself to meet Namjoon’s gaze. It’s soft, but cautious.

“Not if you lose yourself in the process.” He says, his hand coming to cup your face. You’re unable to look away, captured by the softness in his eyes. Your heart flutters in your chest, and you know in that moment you’re in too deep.

You blink once, twice before you’re thanking him for listening to you. You feel the need to make an escape, chastising yourself for opening yourself up. You don’t need to drag Namjoon down with you like you dragged down the rest of your friends.

“I should go,” you finally state, moving to rise from the bed.

Namjoon knows your fight-or-flight response has kicked in and you’re choosing flight. He won’t stop you, he can’t.

“I understand.” he nods, offering you a small smile. You turn to walk out of his bedroom, looking back to see him staring at you with his deep brown eyes that remind you of home, of safety and love.

thank you for reading! ♡ if you liked it, please let me know! 💌

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#crybaby au #namjoon x you #namjoon x reader insert #kim namjoon fanfic #namjoon angst #namjoon x y/n #crybaby!reader #crybaby jjungkookislife

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hellotvv · 7 years

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Life continues to be fairly interesting haha. I had a pretty decent weekend overall. I believe on Friday, I went to the fair with my friend Brent, Elizabeth, Kristy, and Jessica. The fair in SB was honestly not bad! I had fun going on rides with my friends, eating fair food, and just walking/chatting. Later that night, we had game night at my friend’s Brents place. Julian put on the project some really fun party game that everyone could just connect and play using the phone! Was really fun and I plan on buying it, so when ppl come to my place, we have idk fun games to play instead of just watching youtube on my chromecast LOL. I think Bryan, Olivia, Elizabeth, Brent, Julian, Kristy, Jessica, and me all played and had a great night. On Saturday, it was a bit more simple. I had a really busy day on Saturday, since I had to get some studying done for my midterm on Monday for minority literature class. I knew my cousin was visiting UCSB this weekend, since she said she was. But I’m surprised she didn’t hit me up to show her around. It would have been actually inconvenient if she did :( since ideally I would have the whole day to show her a ton of stuff. But I had a music appreciation concert at 7 PM that I had to go to at night, and I had to study quite a bit. Surprisingly, she did not hit me up at all, and only ended up snapping me that she was at SB later that night haha. She was in one of the freshmen dorms, so I’m guessing she already had a friend that let her stay in her dorm and showed her around :O. I was a bit worried that if I didn’t show her all the cool stuff about SB, my cousin wouldn’t be too interested in attending and choose UC Merced in the end... ;-;!! Anyways, ended up going to concert that night, was super boring, left during intermission since didn’t have to stay till end just needed to stay long enough to write a paper on it. Then I went to library and studied with Kristy and Jessica until like 1 AM. Went home, knocked out, and idk. Sunday, I think I got lunch with Brent and Elizabeth, then I somehow procrastinated the day away, but pulled a strong all nighter to finish studying for my minority lit class lol. The midterm went okie not bad, and then I studied for my music appreciation class quiz that was at 12 PM today. Think I did pretty good on that, and passed out for a while. Got dinner with Brent, and talked to him. We talked about how it’s already week 5 of our last quarter of our 3rd year... Graduation is coming up and much scary ;-;... I asked him what he’s gonna do after grad, and he immediately answered about Elizabeth. Since Elizabeth lives in Washington, but attends UCSB, and I wonder what she’ll do after graduation. Like would she move to California or find work back in Washington, who knows :O Brent said he doesn’t know what she’ll do, but he does suggest that she’ll prob move to LA, since LA is way cooler than Washington haha. Anyways, I did ask him oh man what if we all drift apart after graduation. Since Bryan lives in Thousand Oaks and is kinda far, Rickie lives in Washington, and etc. Brent said it kinda sucks, but it’ll happen. He did say that we’ll still hang out, since he can always drive down to OC and it’s only like 45 mins. I also said that I could always go up to LA and hang too. Thankfully Kristy and Jessica will be nearby, and Henry lives near Brent. So it’s not like we’ll all drift apart. Just kinda will be diff not being able to hang out with the friends I hang out every week with anymore, but I guess that’s life yo. I’ve gone through it from going from HS to College, and I’m sure the friendships will stay strong. It’ll be those friendships where even tho you don’t see each other every day or maybe even text that often, when you do hangout it’s like no time has passed :) Idk life yo.

Onto another topic, my cousin revealed to me that she actually SIRed to UCSB today!!! Woo, I told her we needed to have a celebration dinner or something together. She told me that she needed a bunch of life advice haha for college. I remember being in the same position worrying the same things like if I’ll make friends, what classes to take, and etc. She was super thankful and kept telling me how much she loved me, when I offered her advice LOL. I just want her to be successful and learn from my mistakes and become a doctor for me, incase I don’t make it LOL! So maybe this weekend if time permits, I’ll meet up with her and talk :D But I’m glad she idk got convinced, will prob have to ask her how did she get convinced lolol. I have a 66.6666% success rate now 2/3!! For the rest of my week, it’ll pretty much just be a bunch of studying for my midterm on Friday. Afterwards, I’ll be going home for the weekend for my mom’s bday and possibly to shoot with Sabrina and Cindy!! Woo :D haven’t seen/shot with either of them in a long time~ They both hit me up to shoot, so I feel special ;-; and wanted!

Overall, life is going okie can’t complain. Tried to eat slightly more now and work out too, so I build some more muscle. Uhm, I’ve kinda been in a pretty content mood nowadays. Like I’m back to a phase where I’m happy with what I have, not too stressed, have some stuff to look forward to to keep me going, and yeah.

The idea of relationships and love is something that I contemplate about a lot. I obviously always liked the idea of a SO, and I think that actually this year/4th year would probably be the last best times for a while to date a girl. Since I’ll still be in school and don’t look poorly in the dating scene, if I don’t have a job or idk. I’ll still be supported by my parents, but old enough to do cool things/go on adventures like going to Vegas this summer. I have a nice place and live alone, since I still attend school in SB, and not crazy busy, but have enough free time to spend with a SO. But the problem is, I haven’t really met anyone that really caught my interest... I mean kinda Amandi for a bit, but after finding out about what type of person she is, obv not gonna interact with her too much lmao. Maybe this sounds cocky or whatever, but I COULD date Chloe, if I truly wanted to. I mean Chloe is a decent looking girl, she’s fairly nice, and I could see myself in an okay relationship with her. But the problem is, I like her mostly as a friend, and just not that into her... Like I’m not that physically attracted to her, not that she’s bad looking or anything, and I’m not that idk mentally attracted to her. We just don’t have that much in common, and she prob only likes me for my looks?? Who knows. The thing is, I suppose a lot of ppl my age are kinda dating for fun or maybe some are serious. So it’s not like I have to date someone with the intention of long term commitment, I could just date and have fun with her for a while. Who knows, she might be wanting just the same thing. But the problem is, idk it’s just not me tho. Like let’s say we do date and have fun together spending time together, but what if I meet some cooler girl that I’m more attracted to while I’m dating her. Like I suppose the right answer is to idk keep it professional and stay with Chloe or the other option is to dump Chloe and date the new girl. But idk then I could be potentially hurting her if I did that and I wouldn’t want that. I’d be kinda leading her on, and it’s something I don’t want to do to ppl. Like idk I feel like if I date someone that I’m not totally into, it’s a disservice to them and myself, since they deserve better tbh. I think everyone deserves someone who truly cares about them and wants them, isn’t settling, or etc etc etc. So I don’t wanna date someone if I’m not completely into them, since they deserve someone who truly do and someone who thinks they’re amazing. I would want the same for myself. So I guess that’s a small dilemma that I have. I like the idea of dating someone, now’s probably one of the best possible times to do so, and I could. But I like being serious about someone, I don’t wanna hurt anyone by dating them if I’m not really into them, and I obv want to date someone that I am really into and would be proud of showing them off. So yeah, small dilemma, I guess the right choice is to not lead Chloe on too much, and prob not pursue anything with her. I suppose all I can and should be doing is continue to be chill and content/happy hanging out with my cool friends, keep myself busy with school/hobbies, and eventually I’ll meet someone who I’m truly into and they’ll hopefully be into me too? :O

That’s it for now... Back to writing my music appreciation paper, and The Flash episode tomorrow is gonna be lit af...

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