do you ever think reader would storm out of the house after a fight between her & satoru? (referring to ur keeping secrets fic.) i feel like part of her wouldn’t bc she’s also thinking about the kids and she just can’t leave them, but she also seems a lot more grounded than satoru in general. i think the other part of her would also need a minute to step out for a bit bc i just know satoru drives her to insanity. i don’t knoww, satoru’s reaction to her storming out just infects my brain, but i know she couldn’t do that to megumi and tsumiki </3 i’m such a sucker for your hurt/comfort fics
“where are you going?”
“not sure,” satoru says, barely mumbling. “i didn’t ask.”
“you didn’t ask?”
he looks at you, just a glimmer of teasing in his eyes. but the rest of him is apprehensive—he knows what you’re thinking.
he always does.
but he looks back down, shoving shirts into a suitcase in the worst possible way.
“does it matter?” he asks, dryly. “it’s just another work trip.”
“how long are you going to be gone?”
“however long it takes to—“
“can i come with you?”
satoru pauses, and his eyes trail to you.
to you, where you’re standing in the doorway. you only know he’s leaving because of the suitcase, you only know that you can’t deal with him being gone again because of that feeling.
it’s reminiscent of packing your own bag at fifteen. of never returning home.
“you want to come?” satoru’s voice is too smooth, too unserious. “you hate planes. and what about work? you want to take your students too?”
“how long are you going to be gone?”
satoru sighs. he finally relents, walking over to you. his smile is a little irritated, tired. “it won’t take long,” he says, rubbing your shoulders. “you’ll get the bed all to yourself.”
“this is the fourth trip in the last three months.”
he tilts his head. “it’s the same amount as always.”
“it’s—“ you stop.
it’s different.
and your heart is racing, because you’re used to this feeling.
really, satoru has taken regular work trips for as long as you’ve known him. his passport is well used, his suitcase replaced almost once a year.
but it’s different.
because it used to be you, satoru, and the kids. it used to be you and the kids waiting at the door, talking about him behind his back, going to the airport to pick him up.
and even if you missed him, you knew that tsumiki missed him just as much. you knew that megumi was waiting for him to come back just the same—getting restless without someone there to mess with constantly.
it used to be you and the kids, when satoru was gone.
but now…
megumi is at school all week—and even when he comes home, it’s only to keep you happy. so that he can take a break from jujutsu, and sleeping in a dorm right next to yuji’s.
and tsumiki—
you stop thinking about that almost immediately.
it’s just not worth it.
when satoru leaves, you’re all alone.
“i wish you could come. you know how the higher ups are about—“
“why don’t you tell them no?”
satoru is wearing his blindfold, so you can’t see his eyes. but you see it as he leans back, looking at you curiously. “what?”
“tell them no. they’re scared of you, aren’t they? they’re not going to make you—“
“what other special grade sorcerer are they going to send?” he asks, shaking his head. “i hate them too, but if they need me—“
“i need you.”
satoru stops. you want to see his eyes—you want him to stay here.
you don’t want to walk around the house and chat with ghosts. you don’t want to be the only one left behind—the only one who has nothing else.
what about you? what’s supposed to happen to you when satoru leaves you behind?
he’s done it before, and he’ll do it again.
“what?”
“i don’t understand why you have to go,” you say, and you’re angry now. “i’m tired of your work trips, and i hate that you don’t even care, and i hate being in the house all alone—“
“what? what do you mean i don’t care?”
you pull away from him. just to do it first. “you don’t even try to get someone else to do it, you just leave—“
“why are you blaming me? i didn’t ask for this.”
“because you’re always gone! and i’m always alone, and you haven’t even asked me how i feel about it—“
“it’s not like i enjoy doing it,” he says, frowning. “i don’t like leaving you or the kids, it’s just work—“
“i think you do enjoy it,” you spit. and you know that you shouldn’t but, “you like being the only one that they can call. being the strongest. that’s why you haven’t told them no, that’s why—“
“what?”
“is it fun to leave the house? to escape for a week or two while i’m here to take care of everything?”
satoru scoffs. “are you kidding?”
“what? you can admit it. go on and leave. you’ve done it before, satoru.”
his jaw clenches. “if you don’t like being here,” he says, so soft—but you can feel it. the impending blow. “then go somewhere else.”
immediately, your body flinches back. you fall inwards, wanting nothing more than to fall back against him.
but it’s too late.
“i can’t help that im the strongest, i don’t enjoy leaving you—but ill do it because it’s my job. if you hate being alone, then find something else. go see megumi, or nanami, or—“
you take a step back, almost stumbling into the wall.
“you’re putting words in my mouth and i—“
but you don’t hear the rest of that sentence.
and maybe this is your fault. you shouldn’t have picked a fight, you shouldn’t have even said anything.
satoru isn’t to blame for your loneliness. he isn’t to blame for anything.
you turn around. and you walk out the door with shaking hands.
go somewhere else, he said.
and you will.
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do you think forgiving rapists / abusers is necessary for healing? i've been reading a lot of essays and articles that all basically boil down to the same thesis: i couldn't heal until i forgave him. many of them also say that they wanted to reject the idea that survivors are all angry and want their rapists / abusers to die, which is something i have been struggling to find anywhere. there's margaret cho [Margaret Cho Explains Why She Wants To Kill Her Rapist] but beyond that i couldn't find much on this topic aside from people criticizing it.
there seems to be a consensus that all survivors want is accountability. all they want is their rapist / abuser to admit they did it and apologize. and then that's it? what about the research that sex offenders cannot be rehabilitated? there is no known program to rehabilitate sex offenders that works in any meaningful way. they go through the program(s), learn how to game the system, get released, and immediately go back to harming women and girls.
why is it so taboo to hate them? hating them doesn't make us the same as them. it's quite literally the opposite. they love the violence they do and we abhor it, there is no way anyone can look at it and say our hatred is just as bad as theirs. we hate them for what they do, they hate women and girls for what we are. massive difference. if they don't want to be hated, they shouldn't rape. it's that simple.
i think a reason why it's generally frowned upon to want any kind of meaningful justice or to hold any rage or hatred in your heart for rapists is because men as a whole are aware of how many of their own are rapists. they know that if every rapist was imprisoned or killed, there would be maybe 5% of men left in the general population. and that scares them. i wish we lived in the world they think we live in, the one where being a rapist and being called out for it means your life is ruined or even ended. wouldn't that be nice.
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I do wonder, with Hodgson, whether he was perhaps more affected by lead and scurvy than previously thought, and affected sooner.
I'm skimming the E07 script - because clearly I have nothing better to do on a Saturday night - and there are several tiny details that suddenly jump out at me.
During the confrontation prior to Morfin's death, for example, and after the line "My head. Cut if off. Put it with the others..." it is Hodgson who is singled out and mentioned specifically as noting the oddness of Morfin's comment and actively being spooked by it.
Then, of course, Hodgson leads the burial party where it's unclear whether he actually takes part in the physical work - we only really see him standing eerily still in the background and then staring contemplatively down when the job is done.
And afterwards, there's slightly more in the script compared to what we eventually see on screen. Hodgson walks through the camp, appearing much more explicitly upset by the events preceding and actively trying to settle his thoughts. He literally sits with his head in his hands when Hickey finally does approach him.
With all that in mind, it would make sense to me if Hodgson were already suffering the ill-effects of the lead and/or scurvy, if he took one look at Morfin's sorry situation and came to the terrifying conclusion that the same thing would soon be happening to him.
And if Hodgson were thinking more along those lines, then it also makes even more sense why he would be swayed so quickly and effectively by Hickey providing such an immediate solution to the issue, right there right then, literally in the flesh.
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