#christ. this is why plurality is so associated with being white | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

butterflyinthewell · 7 years

Text

“Stigma” #AutisticsSpeakingDay2017

*** ***

* * * TW: Religious imagery, violence, torture, blood, restraints; mention of ABA, electroshock, bleach enemas and other abuse (via thumbnail image). All clips of me stimming and having meltdowns were recorded and uploaded by me. * * *

My Catholicism is totally hanging out in this video and I’m not sorry. This is how I see it through my faith.

My speech is clear because I wrote what I wanted to say and read it for the camera. Anyone who sees my off the cuff videos knows I stumble and have a hard time putting words together.

*** ***

youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNN4mzAjKf0

(Transcript below, anything in brackets is image description. Apologies for any weird “digital” noises in parts where I’m not talking; I tried to digitally remove the annoying click of my camera’s autofocus, but people wearing earphones may still hear the weirdness. I just can’t win with audio. -_-;; )

[Title screen is “STIGMA #AutisticsSpeakingDay2017″ in white text.]

The dictionary defines "stigma" as "a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person." The plural form of this word is "stigmata", and those are also the wounds inflicted when Jesus was nailed to the Cross on Good Friday. Stigma isn't something people are born with. It is inflicted, like the holes caused by the nails hammered into the hands and feet of the Man who saved my soul because He loves me. [Images of Jesus in undignified states during His Crucifixion and a closeup of His beaten, bloody face.]

Many autistic people endure something like crucifixion without being able to fight back. Their dignity is stripped, their privacy violated and their humanity ignored. They endure what Jesus did. And so do I. As an autistic person, I feel the piercing stigma nailed into me and all other autistic people on a fairly regular basis.

Every time a parent tells me "you are not like my child" when I try to help them see things from the autistic point of view, wham goes the hammer. [Black and white image of a nail being hammered into Jesus' hand.]

Every time someone rebukes me with "you're so high functioning that it doesn't even affect you" because I can talk, get dressed, put on makeup, sing with my church's choir and do some tasks for myself, wham goes the hammer. [Black and white image of a nail being hammered into Jesus' hand.]

Every time the response is "you have no clue what living with this is like" when I mention I can't live independently, have extreme sensory issues and have violent meltdowns with self-injurious behavior, wham goes the hammer. [Black and white image of a nail being hammered into Jesus' hand.]

Every time I'm told "they don't feel embarrassment or know better" when I tell a caregiver they are violating an autistic person's privacy, dignity and autonomy when they post behavior crisis moments online, wham goes the hammer. [Black and white image of a nail being hammered into Jesus' hand.]

Every time people tell me "you don't know what you're talking about" when I speak up about why Autism Speaks is a damaging charity that deepens the stigma against autistic people, wham goes the hammer. [Black and white image of a nail being hammered into Jesus' hand.]

Every time I hear a caregiver say "they can't communicate" as a reason to shut me down when I question why they don't ask the autistic person if they are in pain or upset about something, wham goes the hammer. [Black and white image of a nail being hammered into Jesus' hand.]

Every time I was bullied for being different from my peers, wham goes the hammer. [Black and white image of a nail being hammered into Jesus' hand.]

Every time I am ignored when I speak out against the injustices committed against autistic people, wham goes the hammer. [Black and white image of a nail being hammered into Jesus' hand.]

But guess what? You can hammer nails into me all you want, but it won't stop me from speaking the truth. Just as death could not hold Jesus prisoner, you cannot keep the truth held prisoner either. And just as Jesus rose above death on Easter, so to will autistic people with all kinds of support needs rise with the truth. We have endured our Cross, and now our "Easter" is dawning. This is our time to be heard, and this is the truth. [Images of the empty tomb on Easter, and Jesus showing one of His wounded hands to his disciples to prove He really has risen from death.]

You co-opt the autistic identity when you call yourself an autism parent. It's hypocritical of you to identify yourself that way, but tell me "no, honey, you're a person with autism!"

SHUT UP!!! I am talking now, and YOU will listen!

[Images of me stimming, lining up nail polish bottles and slapping my head during a self-injurious meltdown] I am like your child.

I am neither high functioning nor low functioning because those labels are damaging and dehumanizing, and your view of me will probably vary depending on what you see when you first meet me.

I know exactly what it's like to be autistic because I live it every day.

I am so disgusted by your refusal to presume the competence of someone you claim to love.

I do know what I'm talking about when I say Autism Speaks is a harmful charity, and I will keep talking about it until something changes. [Photos of me taken for #REDInstead where I protest against Autism Speaks. 1st photo has my mouth taped shut with "Autism Speaks" on the tape while surrounded by Post-it notes saying "Broken, not a person, tragedy, burden, financial drain, missing" and one more above me with "autistic person" and an arrow pointing down at me. 2nd photo has me holding a sign that says "Not a puzzle piece!" 3rd photo has me holding a sign saying "Stomp out stigma! #REDInstead" 4th photo is my shirt, which says "I can't keep calm, I'm autistic" with a sign that says "Not a tragedy, not an epidemic, not a crisis, not a burden, not missing."]

Communication is a two way street. Communication isn't always words. YOU are the one who can't communicate. [I point from my eyes to yours, from my mouth to yours and from my ears to yours. This is followed with clips of me stimming with Wile E. and having a meltdown where I beat on a pillow with my fists. All of this is autistic communication.]

I was bullied for how I looked and acted. I didn't deserve it.

People blow me off when I speak out on ableism committed against autistic people. I speak out anyway.

And I will keep talking. With my words, my behavior, my text posts, my photos and my videos. I will endure the metaphorical hammer and nails for those who can't defend themselves because Jesus endured the same, and more, for me. What you do for those society sees as the least, you also do to Christ. Guess where you put autistic people? [Image of Christ's beaten, bloody face again.]

I am autistic. I am speaking. This is my language. This is me.

And this is what society does to people like me. [I stand back and hold up my hands to be "crucified" by a series of words: (Center, like thorns on my head)Burden, Broken, Crisis, Fear, Inhuman, Tragedy. (Right hand) Cure, Awareness, Prevention, Lovaas ABA. (Left hand) Electroshock, Chelation, Bleach enemas. (A blue puzzle piece and text obscures my mouth) AUTISM SPEAKS. This image goes by fast and it intended to be subliminal. It is also the video’s thumbnail.]

But not today.

Today, I am speaking.

YOU be quiet and listen.

#actuallyautistic #autism #autistics speaking day #Catholic #stigma #my video #long post #tw for a lot of things

30 notes · View notes