#cole🥾

[ashtraysystem]

Life is feeling really really difficult right now.

I feel exhausted and depressed. I feel horrible about my body; my weight and having major chest dysphoria. like literally all week has been dysphoria. but because of how large my chest is there's really no option that doesnt make me uncomfortable besides getting top surgery which i dont have the resources to do right now.

I cut my hair which helped a tiny bit with my dysphoria. and ive been trying to wear more masculine outfits to help a bit too when im out and about.

#ive cried so much already today that even though i want to cry im too dehyrdated to #cole🥾 #vent #dysphoria #dysphoria vent #body dysphoria

[destinygoldenstar]

(Context: Zane has died for the dozenth time, but this time he wrote a will and testament for his family)

Wu: As the master of Zane’s estate, I have been empowered to read Zane’s last will and testament.

Kai: Well get on with it, the bars open soon.

Jay: Oh poor Zane! 😭

Nya: There there Jay…

Lloyd: FSM, how predictably boring.

Cole: I’ve never worked for a kinder ninjroid.

Wu: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the reading.

Lloyd: I knew it.

Kai: *snicker*

Wu: “I, Zane Julien, being of sound, mind, and body-“

Kai: That’s a laugh! 😆

Wu: “Do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows: To my overly emotional brother Jay-“

Jay: 😭

Nya: Jay dear, he’s talking about us.

Jay: Oh.

Wu: “Who grubbed with his girlfriend Nya, grubbed for everything they could get from me and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy…”

Jay: What?

Wu: “To Jay, I leave… A BOOT TO THE HEAD.”

Jay: A WHAT-?!

🥾

Jay: OW!!

Nya: Jay, are you okay?!

Wu: “And another boot to his wimpy girlfriend Nya.”

🥾

Nya: OW!

Kai: 😂

Jay: This is an outrage!

Wu: “Ah, but still, you are my friend. You’ve both admired my veichle collection and since I no longer need it-“

Jay: Oh, Zane! He’s too kind!

Wu: “I bequeath, ANOTHER boot to the head.”

Jay: Wha-?!

🥾

Kai: 😂

Wu: “And one more for the girl.”

🥾

Nya: OW!

Wu: “Next to my hot headed brother…”

Kai: Hey I don’t want no boot to the head!

Wu: “To dear Kai whose never chilled a day in his depressing life-“

Kai: I’m covering up my head!

Wu: “I leave my wine cellar and three crates of the finest bacon.”

Kai: …really?

Wu: “And a boot to the head.”

🥾

Wu: “And another for Jay and the girl.”

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Wu: “Next, to my know it all brother Lloyd-“

Lloyd: This is so predictable.

Wu: "-I leave a boot to the head."

🥾

Lloyd: I knew it...

Wu: "And one for Jay and the girl."

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Wu: "And now to Cole..."

Cole: Wha-?! I-I don't want nothing...

Wu: "Who took care of me faithfully these many, many years, who cared, made me laugh, shared some cake..."

Cole: Aw! I didn't mind!

Wu: "To Cole, I bequeath... a boot to the head."

🥾

Wu: "And one for Jay and the girl."

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Wu: "And so, to my falcon companion, I leave my entire vast-boot to the head."

🥾

Wu: "And finally, to my sensei who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head, but a rabid ice devil to be placed in his trousers-?!"

❄️

Wu: 🥶UGH OH HAH HAH HAH And-and-"And I leave my entire estate of ten million dollars to the Formlings so they can afford to live somewhere warmer!"

Nya: ...is that it?

Lloyd: That's it?

Kai: That's disgraceful!

Wu: There's one last thing for everyone... 😓

Kai: Cover your heads everybody!

Wu: "I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream."

Nya: ...ice cream?

Kai: Ice cream?

Lloyd: Ice cream? That's all?

Wu: That's all.

Cole: But what flavor is it?

Wu: BOOT TO THE HEAD!

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Based on The Frantic's "Boot To The Head" skit. I replaced some of the dialogue to make sense for the Ninjago world and characters. Look up the original skit, it's one of my favorites.

I have to wonder, if you've died multiple times and always came back, what would do to take advantage of that? Would you too troll your family?

#ninjago #ninjago zane #zane julien #ninjago wu #ninjago jay #jay walker #ninjago nya #nya smith #nya jiang #ninjago kai #kai jiang #kai smith #ninjago lloyd #lloyd garmadon #ninjago cole #cole brookstone #boot to the head

[toopandabear]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Cole Haan’s Men’s Brown Boots 🥾, size 9, preowned.

[clefairytale-poke-dating]

I've been struggling with writer's block so...

Send ❤️ or 🥾 in my asks to get me and/or Cole to post sooner!

If you can't see the emojis send 'heart' or 'boot'.

#pokemon irl #rotomblr #pkmn irl #pokeblogging #irl pkmn #misc. #ask game #ooc post

[maisonfleurant]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Kenneth COLE NWT NUBUCK KIERA 🥾 BOOTS.

[snowdrop22]

立冬.......

早いこと！！暦の上では冬支度のころ......

美味しい 信州名物【おやき】が........＼(^o^)／

晩秋のお山で〜ちょいと充電出来たと🏔 〰︎ 🥾

よかった〜よかったこと♡ ♡ ♡

ほっこり旅のお土産Thank uuuuu です....

しみじみ美味しくいただきま〜す😋〜🍵✨

🎧........ Nat King Cole 〜 “Autumn Leaves” 〜🎶

[ashtraysystem]

prof: we need to talk about the unprofessionalism going on in this classroom

me: wtf do you mean unprofessionalism?? you're the one who shows us tiktoks all the time?? wanna talk about unprofessional i have plenty of examples from you alone! i have recorded examples even from recording lectures!!

#this was second hand knowledge btw #a classmate told me that tomorrow the profs wanna talk about unprofessionalism #and im over here like #you wanna talk about unprofessionalism? you've made MULTIPLE students cry!! #thats unprofessional!! #she makes me so mad #cole🥾 #vent #rant #school vent #school problems #school rant

[ashtraysystem]

im stress sick and it is not fun (not that it would be).

the thing about stress sickness is you really cant do anything. you have to let your body and mind rest and reset in order to get better quickly. and even though i would enjoy playing some sort of video game or something i can barely really get myself to move much beyond basic needs.

i technically have a presentation today, but honestly i'm skipping class i think. i just feel too sick and overwhelmed by it all, and would rather spend today catching up on homework than sitting through presentations and being anxious and icky feeling.

i know my classmates wont blame me, but i still feel bad that i wont be there for them, even tho they dont even expect me to. i care about them and i dont wanna see them being torn apart by our professors anymore tbh. i just cant handle it. i wish i didnt care, but i do, i care so much and its in my nature to care.

#vent #ash🍄 #cole🥾 #school vent #stress #stress vent #school stress #stress sick

[ashtraysystem]

learning to cope properly with my big emotions has been a tough journey.

learning that big emotions, bad or good, are okay. bc as a child i was told to shut those away. that having too big of emotions is bad, it makes you a bad daughter, a bad child. that you hurt others with your big emotions.

but,,, im learning thats not true. its okay to have big emotions. its okay to have too much sometimes, and to let it out whatever way you need to.

ive been told that when i was younger i used to lash out at others when i was having big emotions. when i was sad people would leave i would hurt them. i dont remember any of that, at all, nor why it ever stopped. but i think its cuz i wasnt really allowed to cry. if i cried i was told to shush, that it wasnt a big deal, that i was too sensitive, and that i'd have something to really cry about if i didnt stop. bc i was the first kid, back when more of that stuff was acceptable.

sitting here with my little and feeling some of those feelings rise up again. the want to hold onto someone, to never let them go even tho i know they'll come back again. but that ingrained fear from my childhood, it doesnt leave, bc i was never allowed to deal with it properly.

so many people in my life when i was younger left for one reason or another. there were very few people I actually chose to leave. Most of the time it was people abandoning me. And even tho i know that wont happen now, that they will come back eventually, my little has a hard time fully comprehending that. its something we're working on tho, thats the best we can do right now. is work on it together. thats why we have each other.

#vent #rambles #big emotions #childhood trauma #axel🦕 #cole🥾 #xavier☕️

[ashtraysystem]

i have a headache right now and gods what i wouldn't give to have my partner playing with my neck and my hair at the base of my skull. touch there just feels so so so good, and i absolutely hold a lot of tension there so their gentle yet firm touch there makes me purrrrrr.

it sends shivers down my spine in the most wonderful way, and i am craving it hardcore right now.

#i dont have the energy to do anything to myself in ways of pleasure #and i dont really want that anyways #i want nonsexual pleasure and intimacy #gentle and loving and there #vent #rambles #cole🥾 #vik💠 #intimacy #pda

[ashtraysystem]

I'll spare the huge rant bc i am trying so damn hard to just vibe, just chill, just be in my own vibes and not let others affect me. but i am so done with my family treating me like a 3rd parent. my dad fuckin whined at me when i asked him to take out the trash this time. like legit whined at me, so i mocked him and we whined at each other until he conceded.

my family is just so ungrateful for everything i do for them (minus sib2 who thankfully sees my efforts and gives me words of appreciation).

every time they ask me to do something (today specifically) i have been given a knife bc i have too many forks and not enough spoons, and certainly not enough fucks to be amiable about it.

#vent #rant #family vent #family rant #cole🥾

[ashtraysystem]

so i got home earlier and immediately just went "video game mode" for like. many hours. not including my pause to take a shower. but my brain was just so out that i literally said "no, fuck it, im not thinking about school"

but now that ive snapped out of that im like "yO wait a fuckin minute!!" bc my 2 shitty profs treated us like children in class today. literally getting after us for leaving the classroom for any reason, even if we were totally done with our work for the day and talked to them about it.

like, they've made people feel /anxious/ bc of calling people out. im so livid about it.

again, i can handle myself being mistreated, but the moment you mistreat my bros im pissed!!

i emailed the person above/in charge of them a very long and detailed email since god knows i wouldnt be able to organize my thoughts like that in person, so hopefully something comes out of that. at least it makes me feel a little bit better knowing ive told someone in some position of power to do something about it whats been going on. im still very *shaking chihuahua* about it, but its better than sitting here fuming 2 days out of every week until this class is over.

heck i'd take the other prof that made me cry over these two. at least he feels bad about it, at least he listened to me and listened to my concerns and genuinely gave me good feedback and expectations unlike these fuckholes.

im just so tired of playing their games of vague expectations and comforting my friends. do you know how genuinely exhausting it is to be the only person who is like "hey, it'll all be okay. trust yourself, and the rest will fall into place" while feeling like i can barely hold MYSELF together???? literally all i'm telling them is shit ive told myself, bc theres literally nothing else we can do rn but support each other. im so mad on everyone else's behalf, bc no one else is getting mad about it. they are bitching about it, sure, but they've fallen into the "it is what it is" and im starting to learn that no the fuck it aint!!!!

im just so tired of it. tired of fighting. but who else will? im the only one with the anger and will strong enough to keep trying rn. the only reason im fighting at all is because i care so much about people and i care so much about the way others are treated, and how they deserve to be heard and appreciated. and so many of my classmates have fallen into the trapped mindset, into thinking they deserve to be treated like shit.

#vent #rant #school vent #school rant #shitty professors #cole🥾

[ashtraysystem]

catch me warning my friends who are shit talking about the professor when the professor comes into the room by saying "hey professor! hows it goin?" despite not actually wanting to talk to the professor at all.

#we talk shit bc we are bored #we literally have nothing to do in this class #but like we respect the professor as a person #so we dont wanna have him catch us talking toooo much shit about him #we just dont like him as a professor #The Overlords on the otherhand.... #rambles #mild vent #cole🥾

[ashtraysystem]

I've been ticcing like hell all day to the point of frustrated tears, so i asked my mom if i could take some of her gabapentin (which ive taken before)

im probably gonna ask my doc if they can perscribe me some so that i actually have some whenever i need it or something. idk yet i just know it helps a lot with my chronic pain and my tics.

im working on getting a new doc bc i dont trust my current doc, so the earliest i can do anything is february 22nd or something.

i just get so done and frustrated with being in pain and being so ticcy that i cant breathe. i literally couldnt even give a nonverbal hello to my friend across the room bc i was ticcing so bad. aarrghh its just *strangles my tourettes*

existence has been extremely frustrating lately, and not in the ways im used to. im used to the every day bullshit of life, but when its shit like this thats very internal, very much like "there is no physical evidence of your experience" and its so unique to me that i cant complain about it and have people understand, i dont know how to handle that.

#i need a hug man #it feels like my body is trying its hardest to work against me lately #vent #rant #medical vent #medical rant #chronic pain #eli📓 #cole🥾

[ashtraysystem]

i can feel my brain searching for something to latch onto. like. personality wise. its. sucky.

#i dont know whats going on or why #i just know that theres shifting happening :( #im.. a little scared this time actually #bc i can feel it in a part of myself that i thought was solid #a part of me that i thought was constant #jeannie🍓 #cole🥾 #liam👾 #ash🍄 #i want to say its because i started watching the harley quinn series again?? #idk :( #vent #system vent

[ashtraysystem]

the theme of this week so far seems to be "anger is okay, it is okay to be angry" and im here for it honestly

#rambles #cole🥾