#did I make this 2 self soothe during a meltdown? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lex-munro · 2 years

Text

[Glitter on the Wet Streets: Part 10] Mirror Eyes

Matt invokes Rule 2, and Eddie explains how courage works.

Chapter 10 of (almost defintely) 12.

So, for us to have a young Peter, clearly this isn’t the main Blood & Tears verse like my brain originally let me believe. But it’s so much closer to that verse than canon, lol. And that universe is just, honestly, more interesting. I dunno. So many Peters already, so much multi-verse silliness… (In Fateverse terms, let’s call it Secondary Branch BTV613, a fascinating little set of recombinant loci where this Peter will eventually grow up to be Science-Teacher!Peter living at Avengers Tower with his sassy wife.)

Warnings: Canon divergent based on the MCU. Oblique spoilers for Black Widow, Wandavision, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Hawkeye, Daredevil, Iron Fist, The Defenders, and Luke Cage. Talking things through like well-adjusted humans. Polyamory/Consensual Non-Monogamy. Venom’s endless appetite. Morgan’s dads had trauma, and I can 100% see Tony teaching her how to self-soothe during a meltdown or panic attack. Brief panic attack, worsened by refusing to leave the trigger. Language: PG-13 (primetime TV plus s*** and f***).

Pairing: Matt/Eddie, past Eddie/Venom, background Happy/May, background Peter/MJ, references to past Pepper/Tony/Steve and Tony/Steve, references to Pepper/Victoria.

Timeline: A year after the events of No Way Home, but (kind of) concurrent with the events of Hawkeye (told you it was canon divergent).

Disclaimer: I doesn’t owns the movies or the characters. Or the assorted objects of pop culture reference.

Mirror Eyes

Eddie’s just about to put his key in the lock when the door opens.

“Jeez, babe, you let me get my key out and everything.”

Matt’s expression is not a happy one. “Get inside,” he says, stepping back.

Eddie’s hands start to tingle, and his heart feels like a very enthusiastic hammer on a very unenthusiastic anvil. He does as he’s told.

You are having the panic thing again. I don’t like it.

Shut up. I mean it. Do not fuck this up.

The door shuts and locks.

Eddie leaves his shoes on, just in case.

In case this is him fucking up.

“This is rule two, Eddie,” Matt says. “We’re going to talk. I am…so angry with you right now I want to scream, but the rule is that we talk.”

“Me? What the fuck did I do?”

“Let’s sit.”

“I’d rather not.”

Matt closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Eddie, one of us needs to be calm, and I called dibs on panicking, so you get to wait your turn. Please sit with me before your knees give out and you hit your head on something.”

Venom walks them to the couch.

“Traitor,” Eddie growls under his breath.

Matt sits next to them and takes their hands—his are shaking. “Tell me you didn’t let her put her name on that article.”

Eddie feels panic making way for anger. “They’re not toddlers, Matt. They want responsibility, they want consequences. It’s her scoop, always was—I just happened to have some inside knowledge.”

“She’s seventeen! She lives with her father, she—she hasn’t even gotten to go to a full week of college! What the hell does she know about the kind of consequences that come with angering a man like Wilson Fisk? They still think they’re invincible, but that man demolishes the people who get in his way. Fisk knows me, and Foggy, and Karen. He’s threatened them before, and only the gravest and most personal counter-threat I could think of was enough to keep him away from them. He knows you. Rafael may have told him all three of their names, and from there it’s the work of minutes to get names and addresses of all their loved ones. You’ve made him angry, which already put a target on her back, and now you’ve let her walk right into the crosshairs.”

Eddie fumes. “You seriously think you’re the only one who knows how bad it can get? Has MJ ever told you about her mom?”

Matt frowns. “No.”

“She was from Queens, but all her family was from Harlem. An uncle got in deep, under the thumb of a bad old Harlem legend, and she tried to do something about it. Cottonmouth decided killing her would be a great way to get his granny’s approval, so he and some other punks gunned her down in broad daylight and nobody did shit about it. And that was the end of Patricia Jones-Watson.” Eddie shrugs. “MJ was more afraid of being murdered by Tracksuits before she could get her story out than she’s ever been about publishing. She wants to be brave, and you don’t want to let her…but Matt, she’s not a child, and you’re not her damn father.”

“Okay, let’s tell her father.”

“Only a shitty friend would undermine an act of courage by doing something like that. I didn’t get them to trust me by pulling shit like that. You’re fine with me putting myself on the line, but not her—what, because you don’t have any faith in her?”

“That’s not it.”

“Enlighten me.”

Matt’s shoulders slump, and he lifts their joined hands to press his forehead against them. “Everyone who raised me is dead. I’ve had to watch the two greatest loves of my life die in my arms—one of them twice, or so I thought. Foggy and Karen have been kidnapped, held hostage, shot at. All of it feels like my fault. The thought of one of those kids getting hurt because I told myself it wasn’t my responsibility…”

“Me gettin’ dead was on me.”

“And if I hadn’t been an overprotective busybody, Peter and Venom would never have made it in time to save you.”

“You are, and they did. And life in a bubble is no kinda life. The way I hear it, you usually show up beat to shit and have had multiple brushes with death—Foggy and Karen never had anything to say about that?”

Matt sighs heavily. “They tried to get me to stop. Several times. But pretending Daredevil wasn’t part of me…it felt hollow. It made me feel like I was living half a life.”

Eddie gently bumps their shoulders together. “That’s me and sticking my nose into corrupt shit people wanna keep hidden. That’s Peter and Spider-Man, Jess and putting assholes in their place, Ned and helping his friends absolutely any way he can. And hey—that’s MJ and writing, okay? She loves it, and she’s good at it, and she’s got shit she wants to tell the world. You love us, right? So let us live.”

Matt’s hands have stopped shaking. Slowly, he tips to the side and ends up leaning on Eddie’s shoulder, close to the place he rests his head when they share a bed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I can’t promise I won’t get absolutely livid about it again, but I’ll have this conversation to look back on. She wants to be brave, and I want that for her.”

Eddie kisses Matt’s hair. “Besides, you know V wouldn’t let anything happen to her—they’re evil cohorts. Let me up, and I’ll cook us something. Twenty bucks says you haven’t eaten since somebody at the office made you eat lunch.”

“Objection—leading the witness.”

“Overruled, babe. I saw leftover carne asada and a bag of frozen veggies in there somewhere, and stir-fry is so easy, even V can do it.”

Fuck you!

Wriggling, Matt gets both arms wrapped around the nearest one of Eddie’s. “Five more minutes.”

“Nope. I will give you all the cuddles after you eat.”

“Such blatant bribery!”

“Says the guy who got my tentacle-monster a fish castle with a working drawbridge.”

“New evidence!” Matt protests, burying a laugh against Eddie’s throat.

“I love you, dammit, now let me feed you.”

“Badgering!”

Just take him with us. As you so sweetly pointed out, I am perfectly capable of stir-frying. There was a whole lesson on Test Kitchen.

So they hoist Matt over one shoulder in a storm of cathartic giggles from both men, and Venom hums some vapid pop single as his tentacles grab implements and ingredients.

~*~*~

Eddie.

Eddie frowns and rolls over; Matt grumbles at being dislodged and aggressively spoons.

Eddie, wake up, it is Christmas!

“Fffuck d’you care ‘bout Christmas? I didn’ get you jack shit. Go t’ sleep, asshole.”

He’s almost asleep again when his phone rings.

“Nooo, people suck,” whines Matt.

Eddie’s phone goes quiet.

And then Matt’s phone buzzes and calls out plaintively: ~“Peter. Peter. Peter.”~

Matt grabs it in a hurry. “What? What’s wrong?”

Eddie can hear the tinny sound of laughter and voices.

“Mph. Is it? Sorry, I meant to be up earlier.”

More talking.

“Oh. I mean, if that’s not awkward for you…I’m pretty sure our plans were to sleep, watch the parade, order takeout, and sleep some more. Foggy is being passive aggressive, but I basically blackmailed him into spending the day with his wife, after five years of just us.” Matt holds his phone out to Eddie.

“Whattaya want, Parker?” Eddie grumbles. “Oughtta be some kinda crime, waking a man this early on a holiday.”

~“It’s eleven, Mr. Brock. May wants you to come have lunch with us—she made a turkey and everything, and she seemed real excited to hear you’re dating Mr. Murdock. Did you give him our present yet?”~

“What? Oh. Nah, we had some stuff to talk through, and then we ate a late supper and passed out like old people who had way too much excitement the past couple days.”

~“Well, MJ says you should make him open his present and then come to our place. Happy and the Starks are coming, and MJ is bringing her dad, and Ned says he’ll come after his lola packs a bunch of food for him to bring—do you like Filipino food? She does this barbecue-type-thing that—~

“Jesus, take a breath. Sure, we’ll do as Queen MJ commands.”

~“Great! Happy should be downstairs in forty minutes. Bring your appetite!”~

Eddie hangs up.

“Dunno about you,” Matt mutters. “I can be up and ready in ten minutes.”

“That sounds like twenty more minutes of sleep, to me,” Eddie agrees. “That way I got time to give you your present.”

Matt flops onto him and shoves a cold foot up the leg of his pajamas. “I like the way you think.”

~*~*~

Foggy, bless him, bought Matt an amazingly terrible Christmas sweater the year before, complete with drunk-looking dancing reindeer, pixelated elves, and fuzzy pompoms. They lose at least two minutes to Eddie laughing hysterically and covering Matt’s face with kisses.

The present from the kids is a simple necklace with three charms on it.

“Are those… “

“Those are the bullets I got rid of. They still smell like us.”

“Jeez, MJ and her memento mori obsession.”

Matt sniffles and presses the box into Eddie’s hands. “Put it on me?”

Eddie feels a little left-of-center. It’s just three little lumps of copper-jacketed lead. If anything, it’s three insulting little middle fingers flown by some jackass in a green tracksuit who’d packed iron he never had to use before. Even Venom is confused by the intensity of Matt’s reaction.

But it’s obviously important to Matt, so…

He takes the chain out of its box and unscrews the clasp—easier for a blind guy to navigate than a spring clasp, for sure, but it seems redundant when he looks at how long the chain is. Start to finish, he absolutely doesn’t understand this present. Still, he leans in and gets it around Matt’s neck and doesn’t say any of the minimizing shit that floats through his brain.

Because his boyfriend is in tears, and it’s Christmas, and even Eddie knows that now is not the time for dismissive, self-deprecating bullshit.

The bullets rest in a little row just under the hollow where Matt’s clavicles meet.

Matt wipes his eyes and smiles, fingers tracing over the rounded shapes. “Near miss, huh? Could’ve lost you when we barely knew how good this could be.”

It’s unusual for Eddie to feel guilty about something, and he’s definitely never felt guilty about almost dying, right up until this moment.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“No,” Matt says gently, pulling him into a hug. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. Like you said last night—if I love you, I’ve gotta let you live.”

“I don’t wanna make you sad.”

Matt laughs. “Grief is an inevitable part of love, but don’t you worry about that. Go feed Snowflake so we can hit the road.”

~*~*~

May answers the door wearing a saucy little Mrs. Claus dress that Eddie finds very distracting (hey, no harm looking).

“Eddie, Matt, we’re so glad you could make it!” She drags each of them through the door in turn with a quick hug. (Happy ducks around them to join the rest of the gathering.) “Merry Christmas, boys!”

“MJ commanded,” Eddie says. “Our plan was literally to sleep all day and order shitty takeout.”

“Not while I have a working kitchen!” she declares. “The turkey’s resting right now; I’ll carve it in about ten minutes, we sit as soon as Ned gets here—his lola’s bulalo is to die for, and we still haven’t told Peter what pata is, so don’t ruin that for him.”

Where is the mute button?

“Have you boys met Morgan? Peter was very close to Mr. Stark, one of her dads—we don’t bring up the dads first with her, always let her bring it up—Pepper is her mother, complicated poly-stuff, none of my business, they were very happy before the whole…um…” May winces and gestures. “But I digress. You know, it’s such a relief that you boys are together, I was worried about you both, and now you can look out for each other.”

She is still talking? Get out of the way of the food!

Stopit

“Worried about me?” Matt echoes incredulously.

“Well, a blind man all alone, and in frankly a pretty rough neighborhood?”

foodfoodfoodfood

“I’ve been blind a long time, May,” Matt assures her with a grin. “I can take pretty good care of myself. We should let you get back to your turkey—I promise we’ll mingle like good party guests. Right, Eddie?”

“Yeah, yup, absolutely!” Eddie says, maybe a little too loudly in his efforts to ignore the stream of inanity from Venom.

Because Matt enjoys Eddie’s embarrassment far too much, he laughs and steers Eddie into the party.

It feels like too many people, even though he knows it’s just four more adults, two teens, and a little kid.

“This was a bad idea,” Eddie mutters through a frozen smile.

“Behave yourself, V,” Matt says quietly.

A redhead breaks away from a conversation with Peter to approach them. “Mr. Murdock, great to see you again. This must be Eddie. Pepper Potts—well, technically Stark.”

Matt gestures between them. “May was unaware of this, but my firm sorted out Morgan’s trust when the validity of her double-inheritance came into question after all the Thanos mess.”

“Yikes,” says Eddie.

“My fault, I’m afraid,” Pepper says. “I should have had the whole thing set up and ironclad—if you’ll excuse the expression. The government tried to claim she only had one father despite a long history of public dating.”

“Nah, yeah, polyamory is complicated, I definitely get that.”

Matt raises his eyebrows and says, “Our third is a symbiotic alien living in Eddie’s body.”

Pepper’s brows only knit slightly. “That sounds like its own set of challenges.”

“Why do people keep talking about him in mixed company?” Eddie hisses.

Because I am awesome.

Pepper smiles sweetly and pats him on the cheek like a kid. “Superhero family, sweetie. My boys were Iron Man and Captain America. I sometimes have business lunches with intergalactic peacekeepers, and during the Blip I helped put down a few authoritarian regimes. I’m currently dating Victoria Hand, the head of SHIELD, as a point of interest. So if anybody were to, say, break Matt’s heart…”

“I really don’t need a shovel talk,” Eddie groans. “I already know how insanely lucky I am.”

“Good,” she says with another sweet smile. “Peter was like a son to my boys, and he’s like a son to me, and he’s very fond of Matt.”

“Okay, that’s enough scaring the dog!” MJ yells, swooping in to grab Eddie’s arm and drag him into the dining room (Matt laughingly trails after them).

food smells, food smells

Will you stop? It’s just empty calories for you!

It’s much quieter in the dining room, and MJ looks up at him like she’s searching for something in his expression.

So he goes out on a limb. “Scared about having your name on the third page?”

He expects her to scoff, to wave a hand, to dismiss him or make a joke.

She frowns. “My mom used to say…you can’t be brave if you don’t start out scared.”

He nods. “She was right. I’m a little scared every time I find a big story. Scared how deep it might go, scared nothing will change, scared innocent people will keep getting hurt. You have to experience fear at least once before you can know the power of discarding it.”

“This is what I can do,” she says quietly. “Peter can do amazing things, and Ned’s been helping him the whole time, and now…this is the only way I can think of for me to be heroic.”

“Preaching to the choir, sweetheart,” he says, squeezing her hand on his bicep.

Behind her, Matt holds his hands up to surrender the argument once and for all.

She perks up to drag Eddie back toward the living room. “Dad!”

MJ BRINGS US TO HER PROGENITOR

Do not embarrass us.

That’s my line, loser! Stand up straight!

“Eddie, this is my dad, Randall Watson. Dad, this is Eddie Brock, the guy who got me my awesome internship and stuck his neck out to get me on page three.”

Randall smiles and shakes Eddie’s hand. “The patron saint of Hell’s Kitchen, I hear. Sticking up for the average Joe.”

Eddie is very much aware that Randall lives in a very nice building in a very nice part of town because he bought and sold very important stocks at one point.

Awkward. “That, uh…that’s me.”

“Oh—no, I’m a big fan! Me, I just made a lucky investment, used the money as startup capital, and worked hard to build something honest in this crazy town. But that honesty paid for itself in spades—when companies were getting their dirty laundry aired left and right, big names like Fisk and Roxxon and Rand, I still had my reputation. Honest business.” He smiles, and it makes him look like somebody’s Sunday School teacher.

“Great,” Eddie replies, still vaguely uncomfortable. “I, uh, don’t think MJ ever mentioned what exactly…” Belatedly, he sees MJ frantically shaking her head.

Randall laughs. “No, I guess she wouldn’t. She still pokes fun at me for how hands-off I am most of the time. I bought a dying news company and completely overhauled it. Maybe you know a little rag called the Daily Bugle? I brought her up to speed, got good ol’ JJ out of his little conspiracy bunker and back in front of an audience. Heck, we even revived paper copy in a carbon-friendly medium, since it was so popular with the oldsters and the—whattaya callem—off-the-grid types. Preppers? Is that the one I’m thinking of?”

Eddie freezes. Randall is The Enemy. Not just corporate, but corporate press, the greatest evil of all.

Eddie do not say it do not open your mouth I CAN SEE YOUR STUPID THOUGHTS DON’T YOU DARE

Matt delicately touches Eddie’s arm. “I think I hear Ned out in the hall. Eddie, why don’t you go help him carry food while MJ helps me find a seat at the table?”

“Of course, Mr. Murdock!” MJ says, darting between Eddie and Randall. “Matt? No, feels weird… Right this way, Mr. Murdock.”

Eddie turns stiffly and makes for the door.

Honesty my ass! Talk about a fuckin’ bullshit merchant!

Nothing makes sense. I am shook.

Shutupshutupshutup. Knew we shoulda stayed at home. Fuck parties, and fuck meeting new people, and fuck all this awkward shit where I feel like I don’t know anything or anybody just like the rest of my fucking year stuck here in this shitty, confusing world.

“Hello.”

Eddie stops, and realizes his hands are shaking.

There’s a little girl standing in front of him. Dark hair, long eyelashes. “I get sad, too. And lonely. The world feels out-of-control sometimes, and strange, and scary, and you just wanna scream as loud as you can. It can be overwhelming.”

He takes a slow breath.

“It helps if you find the thing you can do. It can be anything. Just something to do that you know you can do. Daddy liked reciting the periodic table. Papa didn’t care much for the periodic table, but he knew a trick for finding square roots. This year, I like to count by sevens. Seven, fourteen, twenty-one, twenty-eight, thirty-five…”

He stares at her, and she stares back.

“See?” she says with a little smile. “Better already. I’m Morgan.”

“I’m Eddie.”

“Don’t worry about Ned—Uncle Happy’s helping him. Let’s go sit down. Remember, don’t tell Peter about pata. His stomach is weak about things like that.” She holds out her tiny hand.

Eddie still kind of wants to scream and run away.

Morgan sighs and wraps her little fingers around his thumb. “I’m seven—I’m pretty much a veteran at this kind of stuff. I’ll take care of you.” She pulls him along, past Happy and Pepper (chatting about some business thing or other). “When Daddy would get too scared, he’d go sit with Papa and hold his hand and pretend to me that he wasn’t scared at all.”

Simple, straightforward, matter-of-fact.

She just steers him to the chair next to Matt and hops up on his other side.

“Do we need to go?” Matt asks quietly.

“V wants food,” Eddie says.

Matt takes his free hand. “That’s not what I asked. May would happily pack some up for us. You’re upset—would it help to be home with Snowflake?”

“Can’t go now. I just made a friend.”

Morgan waves. “Hi, Matt!”

Matt smiles and kisses Eddie’s hand before letting him go.

Lunch passes in a blur of May asking prying maternal questions of everyone, Pepper asking the trio about work, Ned telling stories of Christmas morning with his family.

Eddie doesn’t even notice what he eats, but it gets him sideways looks from Happy and Randall.

foodfoodfood Venom says cheerfully.

“Forty-nine,” Morgan casually interjects. “Fifty-six.”

Sixty-three, seventy, seventy-seven…

So Eddie checks back out, because he thinks if he has to see Randall give one more condescending dad-laugh, he might flip the table.

He snaps out of his comforting reverie when Matt pinches his thigh hard.

He’s got a turkey bone in his mouth, and has a sneaking suspicion Venom was about to crunch right into it.

Ned is in full-on secondhand-embarrassment mode, eyes laser-focused on his plate as he takes a long drink of water. Peter and MJ have their panicked faces on. Randall and Happy are staring.

“Really good turkey, May,” Eddie says, putting the bone down on his plate.

nooo, marrowwww

don’tyoufuckingdare

“Rosemary,” May says faintly. “And a good basting interval.”

Eddie wonders if Venom managed to eat a bone before Matt could stop them.

Randall laughs again (Eddie feels his eye twitch). “I knew I’d like you, Eddie! You remind me of my granddad—now there was a man with a healthy appetite.”

Everyone relaxes as he spins some strange anecdote about a Depression-era man who would cook and eat any part of a chicken.

Eddie sits there, unmoving, and realizes that he hates this. He doesn’t want to spend Christmas around people who don’t know about Venom. He doesn’t want to have to be under wraps on what should be a day off. He doesn’t want to be here.

But the kids wanted to share this with him.

eddie

He’s being ungrateful. It’s just one shitty guy, who happens to be MJ’s dad, so he can’t be all bad.

So why does he feel like he’s suffocating the longer Randall goes on?

It doesn’t make sense.

Does it have to make sense? You are unhappy. We should go.

No, we got invited, and May fed us. It’d be rude.

Just as he’s about to get up and excuse himself to the bathroom, Matt takes his hand again.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt—I just remembered an important case I need to submit some papers for. So, thank you so much for having us, but we really need to go. May, the food was delicious. Morgan, Mrs. Stark, great to see you both again. Don’t get up, Happy; we’ll get a cab. Enjoy the rest of the day, everyone.”

Randall stops talking, and Eddie feels like he can breathe again. He stands and focuses on Matt. “Here—this way, babe.”

And Matt could probably sprint through the place without running into or knocking down a single thing, but he plays the invalid, all but forcing Eddie to lead him through the living room.

“You’re okay,” Matt tells him softly. “Five more steps.”

They make it out the door before Eddie starts shaking.

He doesn’t remember what number he was on, and it feels like a failure.

Matt just slowly, gently ushers him down the hall. “I shouldn’t have let him talk us into coming. The moment I heard there’d be strangers, I should’ve turned him down.”

Eddie shakes his head, but he can’t seem to decide what to say.

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling what you’re feeling right now, Eddie. You’re embarrassed—in your eyes, you stood out in a bad way. And you’re angry, because you hate everything Randall Watson stands for. And you’re frustrated, because you can’t do anything about your anger, because that wouldn’t be fair to MJ. But you’re having a panic attack because all of that reminds you of something that hurt you. V and I would never let Randall hurt you, okay? And MJ wouldn’t, either. You’re okay,” Matt says again, hugging him in the stairwell.

All the tension leaves Eddie in a rush.

Just like that. So simple, like a magic trick.

He takes a long, slow breath and lets it out. “I just wanted to spend Christmas with my awesome boyfriend and my stupid cat.”

Matt kisses his cheek. “I’m so sorry. C’mon, let’s go home.”

.End.

#fanfic #CANON DIVERGENCE #Venom liked the MCU so I let him stay as a treat #Matt/Eddie #rarepair #polycules all over the place #fic series: glitter (venom MCU)

0 notes

kmze · 7 years

Text

One Hell of a Lucky Guy

Steroline (sort of?) AU future fic - prompt what if Caroline meet one of Stefan’s doppelgangers in the future. Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Chapter 5

It had been about a week since the greenhouse incident and Caroline was still completely spooked, especially after her and Paul had searched the greenhouse inch by inch for any signs of a stray to no avail. Paul tried to convince her that it was probably just a strong draft and that maybe the plant had been too close to the edge of the table but Caroline knew better, she knew it was a sign that she needed to put a stop to this before it went too far.

She told Paul she’d call him before he left but she avoided it completely for days before feeling too guilty deciding to send a text instead during the middle of the week that she’d been swamped with the first week of school so spare time was limited. He seemed to understand, because of course he did, but still he wasn’t one to give up completely and as he replied that when she got some free time he’d love to see her again, she didn’t reply even when it left a pit in her stomach.

Josie and Lizzie told her she was crazy (nothing new of course) and that all she was doing was psyching herself out. They knew she liked Paul and they knew she felt like she was betraying Stefan but they wanted her to let herself be happy. She tried to reason with them that it wasn’t just about her happiness, that the plant was a sign from the universe and Caroline had dealt with enough bad omens to last her a lifetime and she knew that when the universe is telling you something you listen.

So now here she was sitting in her room drinking wine looking at her wedding photos wallowing in her own self pity, torturing herself over the happiest and worst day of her life. That is until her bedroom door flew open completely on its own. “Oh my god!” she screamed and she knew it she knew the bad omen was true she reached for her phone to call one of the old professors who used to deal in curses until a tiny beautiful black woman with wavy light brown curls yelled “Gotcha!” and jumped into Caroline’s arms.

Caroline was so shocked she couldn’t even process what had just happened but as soon as she realized her best friend was in her arms the tears of joy started flowing “Oh my god Bonnie you’re here I missed you so much” she gives her another big giant squeeze “I thought you wouldn’t be back until next semester?” as she lifted her up and spun the little witch in her arms.

Bonnie pulled back to look at Caroline before saying “I wasn’t planning on it but Josie called me and said you’d convinced yourself you we’re cursed and you’d been wallowing in your room every night this week.” Bonnie gave her that signature judge-y look of hers since she could tell that was exactly what Caroline was doing at this very moment “she also mentioned something about guy drama” as Bonnie wiggled her eyebrows at Caroline.

Caroline shook her head at Josie telling Bonnie all her secrets over the phone “Okay first of all I do not think I’m cursed because I am not allowing these bad omens to take it that far and second of all there is no guy drama because there is no guy, at least not anymore” as she did her best ‘so there’ look at Bonnie.

“Oh no was he that bad in bed?” Bonnie questioned trying to keep a straight face as Caroline lightly shoved her best friend and she laughed “Ugh Bonnie no I mean I wouldn’t know anyway we never even kissed” she said lightly as she moved to grab another wine glass for her friend filling it up and grabbing hers as well.

Bonnie took the wine and relished in a long sip before her interrogation continued “so he’s ugly?” Bonnie nodded as if she’d figured the whole thing out and Caroline had to stop herself from spitting her wine out all over her face. “Nope definitely not ugly” as Caroline took a long sip thinking how well Paul’s looks were her biggest problem his attractiveness was definitely not part of it.

“So then what is it Care because nothing is adding up as to why you’d be wallowing over a guy who you haven’t even kissed yet. I know you, I’ve known you for almost fifty years and you only get like this when a guy gets under your skin.” Bonnie says as she stares intently at her best friend “so just tell me what is it about this um Peter?” “Paul” Caroline corrects her “Right Paul I knew Josie said something with a ‘P’ so tell me what is it about this Paul that has you acting like a crazier person than usual?”

Caroline sighs figuring there’s no use hiding it anymore, she knows Bonnie and she knows she’s not letting it go until she just tells her the truth. “Well it’s just that he’s funny, a loving father, looks exactly like Stefan, chivalrous, he-” as Bonnie almost chokes on her wine to interrupt “um I’m sorry what? Did you say he looks exactly like Stefan as in your very much rest-in-peace-dead husband Stefan?” Caroline nods slowly eyes wide “yep that would be the one” downing her glass completely.

“Huh so those doppelgangers really are just going to keep popping up because I am not looking forward to the next Katherine Pierce” as Bonnie takes another sip smiling coyly at her friend. Caroline scoffs at Bonnie’s nonchalant reaction to finding out the route of her current crisis as if it means nothing “that’s it? That’s all you got from my current meltdown is that ‘oh well doppelganger shenanigans’ seriously Bonnie! What the hell am I going to do?” Caroline said with a frustrated sigh.

Bonnie put her glass down and places her hands on her friend’s shoulders forcing her to look at her completely before saying “you are going to do what makes you happy Caroline, because that is what you deserve and you are going to stop worrying about how this could be betraying Stefan because he would want you to be happy too.” Then suddenly Bonnie turns Caroline towards the strewn wedding photos across her bedroom table “but I know you don’t believe that because otherwise you wouldn’t be looking at your wedding album” she pauses before continuing “reliving painful memories of what could have been stopping yourself from moving forward with something that can make you just as happy.”

Caroline shakes her head feeling like Bonnie isn’t getting the point “no Bonnie you don’t get it it’s not just about the fact that I think I’m betraying Stefan I can feel that I am, when Josie told you I thought I was cursed it’s because of this moment in the greenhouse a week ago. I was about to let Paul kiss me and I really really wanted him to kiss me but then when the plant fell I just, I don’t know I felt Stefan again and I could just feel that I was hurting him” she lets out a frustrated sigh “you’re the only person I’ve admitted that to I know no one else is going to believe me.”

Bonnie gave Caroline a sad smile before giving Caroline a soothing hug “of course I believe you Care and maybe you’re right maybe Stefan is watching you and yeah maybe he’s a little hurt, although I think pursuing doppelgangers is something he shouldn’t be so judgmental about” Bonnie cheekily stated “but the only way for you to feel at peace about this is if you talk to him and tell him how you feel.”

Caroline gave her friend a confused look “and how am I supposed to do that last I checked talking to the dead wasn’t something even the all mighty Bonnie Bennett had been able to do, at least not since the other side was destroyed.”

“Well I never said you were going to get an answer from him but there is one spot where you know you can visit him and you know a part of him is still there. So if Stefan really was behind plant-gate then he will definitely give you another sign of which direction you should move forward in.” Bonnie smiled at Caroline before taking her hands and clasping them with her own. “When I could still see Enzo after he died he encouraged me to live my life and that he would be waiting for me when I’d lived it to the fullest. Even now when I can’t see or hear him anymore I can still feel him, and I think that’s what you’re feeling right now.” Bonnie said hopeful.

Caroline gave her a sweet smile while nodding back hopefully “okay I will, thanks Bonnie. Now let me put these photos away and uncork another bottle and you can tell me all about Thailand” she says as she starts clapping ready for the distraction of Bonnie’s latest excursion as Bonnie laughs at Caroline’s ever amazing enthusiasm.

The next morning Caroline got up early and rushed out of the boarding school before any of the day’s classes started, she wanted to make sure she had zero distractions that could somehow prevent her from doing what she knew needed to be done. She dresses quickly put on a black dress with boots and a light cardigan over it, grabs her keys and closes the front door quietly before vamping to her car.

On her way to the cemetery she stops at the flower shop buying a bouquet of red roses as she does every time she visits him, a tradition she says, just like the roses she left for him the day of his funeral.

She arrives at the Salvatore crypt about a half an hour after leaving her home and places the roses in front of Stefan’s grave. She runs her fingers across the inscription making sure to trace each letter as she reads along in her mind. She does okay until she got to the ‘husband’ part and its impossible to stop the small sob from escaping while the tears begin to well up in her eyes. She wipes them away with her free hand as she mentally pushes herself forward to finishing the rest ‘friend now at peace’ she recites silently.

‘Now at peace’ she reminds herself again that this is true, that Stefan had finally found peace after so much pain in his life, pain caused by others and pain he’d inflicted. Perhaps that was always his burden; that he never really believed he deserved a happy ending, at least not in this world.

It was something she loved and hated him for, that he would always sacrifice his own happiness for everyone else especially his family. He was kind and loyal but he was also stubborn and the one thing he could never do was let Damon die, even when Damon wanted him to. She understood that kind of priority for your family, she would never put anyone above her daughters, and she never resented Stefan for his need to save Damon she just wished he let himself be forgiven, because she knows Damon forgave him, he even told Stefan that he did but he never forgave himself.

She tries again to stop another sob from escaping taking a long intake of breath before sitting down on the bench in the crypt to begin her speech.

“Hey I know I’m early this month hope you don’t mind, I just really needed to talk to you. School started for the fall semester last week we’ve got one hundred and fifteen students now and we’ve already received four applications for the spring. I’ve even got an alumni association started up now, a few of our past students even asked about open positions on the faculty.” Caroline takes pause before thinking about everything she’s accomplished and the one person she hopes has seen it. “Hey the next time you see my Mom can you ask her if she’d proud of it? Even if I never know what she said I just want her to know that I hope she’s proud. She wanted me to be extraordinary and I just I really want to be that for her.” Caroline lowered her head as the tears started to fall and she gripped the edges of the bench to try and stop herself from falling over.

Stefan reaches for her hand just like he had so many times in the past trying to steady her, trying to tell her it was going to be okay that he and Liz already talk once a week about the school. How last week Liz and he talked about all the kids who adored Caroline and how she’s transformed that dusty old boarding house into a beautiful fully functional school. How they theorized in another hundred years she’d probably have campuses all over the United States until she went global in the following century.

He wanted so badly to tell her that, ‘you have me’ he thought as her sobs became louder and he pushes away the thought that starts creeping up in the back of his mind ‘not anymore’ as he shakes his head refusing to listen. He clutches her hand tighter willing for her to feel him to feel something until he hears her gasp.

Suddenly she looks at her hand realizing it hadn’t been a leaf or a strong draft that grazed her hand, she felt him she knew it. It was exactly the same way he held her hand in this same crypt when she thought she’d lost Bonnie forever. She remembers it vividly like it was only yesterday, he had no memories but he still wanted to be there for her. “You have me,” she whispers looking at her hand before lifting her head to her side knowing that somehow some way he was sitting there with her.

Stefan smiles through the tears in his eyes relieved that she felt him and even if she couldn’t see him right now at least she could feel that. He gave her hand another squeeze willing with everything he had for her to feel him again before he notices the small smile on her face. “Talk to me Caroline, please I’m right here okay.” He nods enthusiastically at her. ‘Finally’ he thinks feeling closer to her than he ever has in over thirty years and there’s no way in hell he’s going to waste it.

Caroline takes a deep breath before thinking ‘maybe Bonnie was right’. He was definitely here with her and that meant that this was her moment, and she couldn’t waste it. “Stefan” she says before turning back towards his headstone, she reasoned it was easier to look ahead while trying and keep her composure.

“I miss you so much” she whispers through her tears “and I would give anything anything to see you right now but at least I know you’re listening and you can see me.” Stefan nods along as she speaks “I always see you Caroline. I love you so much.”

Caroline takes a few seconds to try and find the right way to say what she needs to say but every time she opens her mouth nothing comes out. How was she supposed to do this, how was she supposed to talk to him about this?

Stefan noticing her hesitancy moves to kneel in front of her instead, just like he did the second time he proposed. “It’s okay Caroline you can tell me anything, ask me anything, we’re friends right? Tell each other things, trust each other?” he reaches for both her hands and starts rubbing them in a soothing circular motion “look about the plant I was being an ass, I let my jealousy get the best of me and I’m sorry. So please just tell me who you feel tell me what you want. Just talk to me.” He continues rubbing her hands until he notices that smile again telling him that she can feel him.

Caroline is beaming on the inside savoring the knowledge that Stefan was right there in front of her just like the second time he proposed to her. She can’t hide her joy and the memory while thinking back to his words that night ‘it means I get to grow old with my best friend’ and she tries to remember him that way, her best friend. Caroline takes a deep breath before she begins “there’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to let it all out with probably no tact and as my best friend you are obligated to just let me ramble and be crazy while you assure me that I’m not crazy.” She laughs and Stefan can’t help but laugh as well at her as he nodding along before saying “of course.”

“I meet someone, one of your doppelgangers. I don’t know if he was actually born right after you passed or if this was just the law of averages and he’s here because that’s when another one of ‘you’ was due by the laws of magic or whatever and okay I’m rambling already.” She takes a deep breath before starting again “the point is I think no I know I like him, he makes me laugh and he’s sweet and when I’m around him I just… I feel like I can breathe again. That I can just let myself be happy.”

Stefan smiles urging her to continue by drawing circles on her hands with his thumbs, “and I just. I need you to know that I’m not trying to replace you” she shakes her head emphasizing it “no one could ever replace you I mean you’re you but I need you to know that I want to try, I want to try and be happy, with him, and that I’m not betraying you and I…” she reaches the point where she can’t continue as the tears start rolling down and she lifts her hands to cover her face.

“No no no Caroline please please look at me” he pleads with her before reaching for her cheeks and trying to pry her hands from her face until she feels him again. She wipes the tears from her face at the feeling again and ashe wipes the tears away as she folds her hands and places them in her lap. She lets the feeling of his hands on her face wash over her just like she did in the carnival bathroom and the dozens of times after.

Stefan watches her intently realizing that she’s remembering the way he used to caress her cheeks, he smiles again ecstatic at the connection between them. “You remember your vows Caroline, how you said you remembered when I told you that when you were ready for me I would be ready for you?” he nods knowing she can’t hear him but still willing for her to get his message. “I need you to remember that moment and everything I told you that night because that’s what I’m promising you again, right here with you.”

Stefan pauses one last time before moving his hands to her lap and clasping his with hers “I understand that you’re going to live your life without me I understand that I have to wait for you. And I will. I’ll wait hundreds, thousands of years for you. And when you’re ready and you’ve lived the longest most fulfilled life that you deserve I’ll be here ready for you.” He rubs her hands one last time before rising up moving her hair from her cheek and saying “just be happy Caroline” as he kisses her on the cheek waiting for the hopeful acknowledgement that she still feels him and maybe just maybe knew as he makes his way towards the exit.

Caroline feels something different this time on her right cheek, not his hands like she’s sure she’s been feeling all day, this was softer, more intimate like his lips. She reaches for her cheek and rubs the spot smiling when she thinks back to that first memorable cheek kiss, how could she forget she even mentioned it in her vows.

She caresses her cheek again and she wants him to know that she understands “I remember and I promise I’ll be ready for you too.”

Stefan stops before leaving the crypt looking back at Caroline realizing she knew what he said, of course she knew even separated by death silent communication was always their thing.

#steroline #steroline fanfic #steroline au fic #one hell of a lucky guy #my fics #I actually cried while writing part of this #I'm curious if it hits anyone else too

92 notes · View notes

chocolate-brownies · 5 years

Link

Six-year-old Jada feels a persistent expectation of danger. She overreacts to provocative situations and has difficulty managing her emotions, which often flare up without warning. To her teachers, Jada appears touchy, temperamental, and aggressive. She is easily frustrated, which makes her susceptible to bullying. When something happens at school that triggers Jada, she may lash out in fury.

How can teachers manage a kid like Jada who may have suffered trauma, but whose emotional reactions make it difficult for her to learn? Not by getting angry, for sure. That would just trigger her, because she’s hypersensitive to criticism.

In my new book, The Trauma-Sensitive Classroom, I present key, alternative strategies teachers and schools can use to help kids who’ve experienced trauma to do better in school. I’ve found that when teachers recognize the symptoms of trauma, build supportive relationships and classroom environments, and build upon strengths to help traumatized kids learn self-regulation, they can play an important role in helping them heal.

How can teachers do that while still managing a roomful of other kids? It can feel overwhelming to contemplate, but many of the strategies are useful no matter who is in your classroom. And, as long as you couple them with care for your own well-being, they are certainly worth the effort.

Here are some of the suggestions I make in my book.

1. Build supportive relationships in the classroom

As human beings, the most important factor for our survival is supportive relationships. But trauma and adversity can disrupt the development of the important bonds that children need to reach their full potential. Fragmented families and communities make it harder for children and teens to find attachment figures to connect with, leaving many kids unmoored.

Trauma and adversity can disrupt the development of the important bonds that children need to reach their full potential

To support children and teens exposed to trauma and adversity, we can demonstrate alternative working models of relationships by building social trust. While a warm and supportive classroom environment is beneficial to all students, for students exposed to trauma and adversity, it’s a necessity. Teachers can make efforts to get to know each student individually, their strengths and challenges. They can pay special attention to the classroom social network, promote positive peer relationships, and teach and reinforce kindness and respect, while avoiding competitive situations that create social hierarchies.

Teachers can build relationships with students by practicing a mind shift—one that focuses on students’ strengths rather than their weaknesses. Instead of asking yourself, “What’s wrong with him?” when a student exhibits difficulties, ask yourself, “What happened to him and how did he learn to adapt to it?” Reframing in this way will help you to understand where he is coming from and how best to help him.

It’s best not to ask students who’ve misbehaved, “Why did you do that?”—because their behavior may be as perplexing to them as it may be to you! Educators need to understand that exposure to trauma often impairs self-awareness, self-regulation, and perspective taking, which interferes with these students’ ability to understand or explain reasons for their behavior.

If teachers can move away from blame, and provide warmth, empathy, and a respect for students’ strengths, it will go a long way toward building positive relationships in the classroom.

2. Create safe spaces

Effective treatment of complex trauma requires coordinated community systems that can effectively identify, treat, and provide support for children, teens, and families. The first order of business in building a trauma-sensitive school is creating a safe environment for all concerned.

This essay was adapted from The Trauma-Sensitive Classroom: Building Resilience with Compassionate Teaching, with the permission of the publisher, W. W. Norton & Company.

What does that mean? It means that all students feel protected by and connected to their teachers and the school community, and that rules for the students are always fair, made with their needs in mind.

At the classroom level, teachers can help build safety by creating fair, logical rules that are consistently reinforced. For children exposed to trauma, this is particularly important, because they come from homes where rules may be associated with arbitrariness and severe punishment. It may help to use the word “expectations” rather than “rules” to communicate with students in a way that is less likely to trigger them.

Since children exposed to trauma often feel powerless around what’s happening in their lives, having them participate in creating classroom rules, and giving them choices and alternatives when making assignments, can help empower them. However, it’s important not to lower your academic expectations. I have witnessed teachers give trauma-exposed students a coloring worksheet as an alternative to a math assignment out of fear that the assignment might trigger an outburst. While offering alternative assignments may be helpful at times, the alternatives must give the student an appropriate opportunity to learn the same material.

What can teachers do when students act out? While you must always address behavior that disrupts the learning process, it’s important not to rupture the students’ connection with the school community. Exclusionary policies, such as suspension and expulsion, only reinforce students’ feelings of rejection and low self- worth.

Instead, give students the opportunity to calm down by de-escalating the situation. Recognize that such behavior may be adaptive in their home environment and they may need support to learn adaptive strategies that are appropriate for the school environment. Alternative strategies include inviting the student to take some “time in” to settle and calm down, either in the classroom “peace corner” or in a “resilience room,” a place set up to give students space to self-regulate at their own pace.

3. Build upon strengths by supporting self-regulation

Hypervigilance, hyperarousal, and a tendency to disassociate—these are all ways students who’ve been exposed to traumatic environments try to adapt. Unfortunately, while being adaptive in some stressful environments, they can interfere with a student’s ability to focus their attention on schoolwork.

To support students exposed to trauma and adversity, teachers can help them learn to understand and manage their emotions better—both directly and indirectly. For example, you can monitor your students for signs of hyperarousal and use soothing talk to help them calm down. You can also teach calming strategies such as simple mindful awareness and relaxation practices, which help all students to deal with difficult feelings. Having a meditation or compassion-based practice yourself prepares you to teach practices to students and maintain your own resilience at the same time.

Be careful to avoid situations that are confusing, chaotic, or erratic. If these situations do arise, try to prepare these children in advance. Here is an example of how this might be done:

Let’s say that you learn of an upcoming fire drill, and you fear that it will set off a student. While all students deserve a warning, you can give special support to a student who may be particularly frightened. Taking her aside during early morning recess and explaining what will happen can help avert a meltdown. Also, asking the student to take a leadership role—perhaps leading the other students as you walk out of the classroom—gives her a chance to feel empowered in the situation. Giving her a last warning just before the fire drill happens and preparing for her special role can help her to build some self-confidence.

Exposure to trauma and adversity during childhood and adolescence has a significant impact on a child’s development, often interfering with learning and social and emotional functioning. While children may have learned to cope with a stressful environment in adaptive ways, their coping strategies can pose challenges to learning in school environments, especially if schools are not employing trauma-sensitive practices.

Schools can play an important role in helping students heal by recognizing and building upon their strengths and by building supportive relationships, creating safe and caring learning environments, and supporting their development of self-regulation. This requires adults who are committed to caring for themselves first, so they have the resilience to be compassionate in their teaching.

While this is not always an easy task, I believe that the benefits in terms of improved school climate and student learning are well worth the effort. Long-term, the benefits to our students and society may be immeasurable.

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

The post How to Support Kids Dealing with Trauma appeared first on Mindful.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

0 notes

sarahburness · 6 years

Text

How I Stopped Emotional Eating and Started Feeling Better About Life

“Don’t forget you’re human. It’s okay to have a meltdown, just don’t unpack and live there.” ~Unknown

For the longest time, I wanted to lose weight. I wasn’t terribly overweight but it seemed to me that if I could just have the perfect body, life would be amazing.

So, I threw everything but the kitchen sink at my food and exercise habits.

Never one to settle for small wins, I pushed myself to have the perfect diet—I prepped meals at home, didn’t eat out very much, and worked out as often as I could. Yes, the kind where I would run myself ragged and feel exhausted for the next two days.

My day until 7 p.m. would go according to plan. I’d use all of my willpower to eat right. The moment I finished work, though, life would go downhill. I would self-sabotage, stuffing myself at dinner and snacking until midnight to feel better.

I would fall asleep feeling guilty, sick, and ashamed of what I was doing. I would berate myself for not having the self-control and the discipline—this was just a pack of cookies and I couldn’t even say no to it?

I hated myself while I walked to the convenience store at midnight to sneakily buy another pack of chips. It seemed like I was compelled to eat against my will. My life felt out of control and there was nothing I could do about it. More than anything, it was this feeling of helplessness that really hurt.

At the same time, I had a career in Fortune 50—by all outward means a great job at an amazing company—yet I was sad, disenchanted, and felt like I didn’t belong in my first couple of years there.

In hindsight, I can see how I turned to food for comfort; it was why I always overate at night when I was drained out after a long day. It was the time when I needed soothing to make myself feel better, to numb the voices in my head that told me I didn’t belong, and to quieten my mind, which was always searching for answers to existentialist questions of “what is my purpose in life?”

The more and more I ate to soothe myself, the more and more my body craved food. I felt restless if I wasn’t stuffed. Instead of stopping to deal with the pain rationally, I tried to use diet, exercise, and willpower to exert some semblance of control over my otherwise clueless life.

Soon, I realized that I was in a deep hole and that all conventional attempts to get myself out of it weren’t working. I couldn’t go on feeling like this day in and day out, so I began to make a series of mindset and behavioral shifts to start feeling happy again.

As a bonus, I also lost twenty pounds in six months, stopped having cravings, and finally felt in control of my life again.

My biggest mindset shift was being compassionate with myself.

Where previously I judged myself harshly, now I try to do my best without criticism.

Where previously I would look for perfection, now I accept that I am dealing with a difficult period in my life and it’s okay to fail sometimes.

Where previously I would try to numb my emotions, now I accept that I can’t fix them immediately.

Where previously I would expect myself to overcome challenges in a jiffy, now I realize that these things take time.

My biggest behavioral shift was noticing and facing my emotions.

1. I began to notice and realize for the first time when I actually overate.

For me, it was at night after work, and no degree of willpower or keeping trigger foods out of reach seemed to help. Just noticing this pattern, however, helped me anticipate what was coming so I wasn’t caught off guard. Automatically, this made me feel more in control of what was going on with my eating.

2. I started noticing my feelings during the urge.

What was that emotion, raw and murky, that I sub-consciously didn’t want to face? Was it tiredness or sadness? Exhaustion or a pick-me-up? Often, the reality of a purposeless existence hit me hard once I was back home and all alone. The last thing I wanted to do at that point was deal with it, so I ate to forget it instead.

3. I honed it on what I actually wanted to feel—what was it that food would give me?

Did I want to be warm and comforted? In control? Alert? I was always seeking comfort, so I made myself some hot tea and sipped it mindfully, feeling the tea warming my entire body. I always eventually took a deep breath at the end of it and I felt much better.

Sometimes this relief was only temporary; I would be fine for a few hours, but by midnight I would be reaching out for food again. That’s when I realized that I also needed to face my emotions.

4. I had to take the hard step and allow myself to feel my emotions.

For me, it was sadness and hopelessness. I didn’t try to forget it. I didn’t try to distract myself from it. I just accepted the feeling.

Sometimes, it would wash over me like a tide and I’d feel like crying. At other times, I felt numb and empty. All of these feelings were only natural and perfectly normal. My body and mind were just seeking some acknowledgement and I would feel a sense of relief that the knot of emotion that was so tied up inside me was finally out.

5. On some days, allowing myself to feel my emotions was enough. On other days I had to address my feelings head on even if they made me uncomfortable.

I asked myself why I kept feeling this way. Was I just tired and overworked? Was I unhappy at where I was in life? I kept asking myself why again and again until I found a reason that resonated with me, that wasn’t just another justification to myself. I was experiencing a quarter-life crisis, it was affecting me every day and that was okay, because now I could deal with it rationally.

6. Lastly, I always gave myself the choice to eat at the end of this exercise.

If I still wanted to eat, that was fine. If I didn’t, that was fine too. It was important to me that I controlled my actions, and wasn’t a victim to my feelings.

—

In hindsight, I realize that at the end of the day, it’s not our conscious habits or behaviors that determine our happiness. It’s our unconscious desires, fears, and emotions that go unaddressed that eat us up from within, literally in this case.

If you want to stop emotional eating, recognize that it started as a symptom of something much larger—perhaps dissatisfaction with your career, finances, or relationships—something you didn’t want to face head on.

As the eating habit evolves, it gets more and more compulsive so there is a combination of mental, behavioral, and emotional hacks that all need to work together to heal. That is why conventional dieting and fitness advice doesn’t work. That is why relying on willpower doesn’t work. It’s normal that these things don’t help, and you’re normal for feeling this way.

Remember that how you respond to an emotion or a craving is your choice, always.

However hopeless you may be feeling now, know that you have the power to make changes that can transform your life. You just have to start again, even if you fail sometimes—but this time, start differently. Use your emotional awareness to beat comfort eating at its own game.

About Sai Aparajitha Gopalakrishnan

Sai helps ambitious women quit emotional eating and cravings so they can focus on their careers and families instead of fighting food all the time. A childhood psych buff and big-time foodie, Sai blogs at My Spoonful Of Soul. Get her three exclusive free gifts for Tiny Buddha readers that step-by-step guide them on their journey to quit emotional eating.

Web | More Posts

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post How I Stopped Emotional Eating and Started Feeling Better About Life appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/stopped-emotional-eating-started-feeling-better-about-life/

0 notes