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ineedrelationshipadvice · 3 years

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How do you keep a relationship fresh and fun? I want someone that still acts like things feel “new” and continue being cutesy and flirty even years after being a couple! How do you find the person who is going to do that?

Every person is different, and frankly, the expectation that things are going to feel fresh and new forever is a very high bar to meet. That's not to say that you shouldn't give up on this goal, and that's it's impossible to achieve. There are lots of people who are creative in that way to be able to maintain that "just like new" feeling for a very long time.

But what's really important to understand is that is a characteristic of personality and of ingenuity rather than a quality that you can just look for. Like, bro, I'm fucking boring. If you were going to date me, you'd be sorely disappointed with me keeping things lively. Yeah, I tend to be flirty and affectionate, yeah I like to do dates and stuff. But I'm lazy and boring too, and I like my routines, so I'm a very unexciting person to date. That's my vibe.

Everyone's vibe is different. So if you're looking for a fresh and spontaneous vibe, you're going to have to find someone who is fresh and spontaneous. That's a test of you finding the right person that you're really compatible with; there is no advice to give there beyond good luck!

The other thing to remember is that if you're looking for a real, good, long-lasting relationship with someone... I hate to break it to you, but people are really fucking boring. Eventually you're going to run out of things to talk about, you'll have done most of the cool stuff you can do, and all that stuff. Eventually, every relationship will get boring and will not feel fresh. And then a new challenge arises: are you going to be okay with that reality? Are you going to be able to settle down when you finally reach that point of total routine? Or does that idea scare you? If so, that's a thing to think about, because maybe you're not prepared for a really long-term relationship, and should find people who are more interested in shorter term things that feel genuine and fun rather than something more committed that may eventually be a burden to you.

_________

Okay, but this is still kind of dodging the question right? I said it's possible to pull this off, so HOW is it possible to pull this off? What tangible things can you actually do?

1) Date nights. This is kinda obvious, but dates never get old. The key to fun date nights into the future is making sure they are diverse. The first time you kiss at the movies or go on a fancy dinner date, it's a novelty; the 50th time you do it, it's just another time at the movies or at another restaurant. And while there's no shame if that's what you are into, if you want freshness, then you gotta mix it up. Make sure your dates are doing different things in different places. Go to different restaurants. Bonus points, get super dolled up for it, like dresses and heels and suit jackets with a tie. Go to unique locations, like rock climbing, or swimming, or an arcade. Go on long drives. This can be scaled up all the way to road trips or vacations with your significant other. The point is, if you're bored of the same ol', same ol' style of date, the only thing limiting you is your imagination. I saw this cute tiktok about a couple who played Super Smash Brothers in their car, and winner of the round got to pick where they got to go to a restaurant. The more creative you get, the more fun it stays.

2) Be silly. Lots of people, especially younger people, take relationships WAY too seriously. I know I did, and I know most people writing into me do too. But the reality is, being in a relationship is like having a best friend who you do naughty stuff with sometimes (if you're into that). So treat them like a best friend. Do stuff with them like you would with your best friend. Play pranks, goof off, do nothing, karaoke night for no reason, sleepover in the living room. Just have fun. That fun attitude will leak into everything, and not only will it make your relationship as a whole better and more happy, but it'll keep things from feeling like you're doing this epic event in both of your lives and instead that you're just having a great time with someone you care about.

3) Value experiences. Here comes the cringey millennial with the generic advice, EXPERIENCES WOW. But seriously, scientific research shows that our dumb monkey brains value experiences over products. Everyone is different of course. But your brain is more likely to find happiness in that trip to the Grand Canyon over that iPad you bought, even if you use the iPad every day and go to the Grand Canyon only once. So, knowing this, put that same emphasis into your relationship. This is why continuing to go on dates in a committed relationship is so nice, because it diversifies the likelihood that you have unique experiences that make you happy. Doing things actively that don't rely on physical stuff, but instead, are events in your life, can make your entire relationship as a whole feel wholesome and nicer.

4) Learn each others love languages. Love languages are a little cheesy, but there is value in figuring them out. There are a few different versions of it out there. But the simple Love Language quiz thing is usually sufficient for this. Figure out what you like if you don't already know, figure out what your partner likes, and then double down on those.

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/

Here's my chart! Very instantly, looking at my results, you know EXACTLY what not to do: DO NOT GIVE ME GIFTS. I hate receiving gifts - it means you spent money, if I don't like the gift I feel like a burden, and if I do like the gift I feel like I took away from something nice you could have gotten for yourself. Meanwhile, I'm pretty evenly split between all of the other styles of loving. So a partner who wants to make me happy can use any of those methods!

What does all this actually relate to with regards to the source question being asked: keeping relationships fun and fresh? Because if you know what your partner likes, what you like, and how you both can meet in the middle, you will know exactly how to bond with each other when interacting with each other. I'm very touch focused, so if you really want to make my day, give me kissies or hugs, or stuff like that goes a very long way, and will be more meaningful. Having those closer bonds can help you feel more contented in everyday interactions.

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ratherhavetheblues · 5 years

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THE COENS’ THE BALLAD OF BUSTER SCRUGGS “All day I’ve faced a barren waste/Without the taste of water, cool water…”

In many ways, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (2018), looks to a past leaving it nearly an anachronism. The helmsmen here, Joel and Ethan Coen, have, in their business affairs, been forced to locate their complex communications in the swill of the multi-cocktail Happy Hour known as Netflix. (Years before, David Lynch, apropos of the vein now virulent, was heard to declare, “I didn’t make this picture for your damn phone.”)

As you probably know, the boys are nothing if not resilient, and with this unwelcome matter in the air they prove to be even more feisty and irreverent than usual. Their strategy to be large as life is a wild and wonderful tour de force. Inasmuch as this film with a vengeance is multi-faceted, let’s ease into it by way of its amusingly wicked parody of Millennials, those softies utterly disinclined to show up at a theatre to see a Coens’ film.

You might think the lads are staging some kind of revival of Cowboys and Indians entertainment, inasmuch as the setting is the “Wild West,” and its six vignettes comprise the product seen to be slices (in various tones) of the fateful drama of what used to be a big money-maker. Actor, Tim Blake Nelson—directly addressing the audience as if it were packed with fast friends—leads off with a singing cowboy, Buster Scruggs, so hilarious in enjoying his domain that we barely register that the song he so confidently sings is about dying of thirst (“Cool Water”) and that he takes low-key umbrage that one of his wanted posters accuses him of being a misanthrope (his horse whinnying in support when prompted to consider that the charge is patently unfair). That he brightens up with the thought that “Song never fails to sooth my restless heart,” constitutes the first of many displays of assurance that heavy baggage can be exorcised on the order of a good cleaning lady. (The writer/ performer of the song, “Cool Water,” Marty Robbins, was not only a country/Western musical profit-centre in the Nixon-era, but also a NASCAR driver, always in the hunt. On one racing occasion, he was seriously injured swerving into a wall to avert smashing into a stalled vehicle. Hold that thought in fathoming the protagonists stalled here, in other ways.)

Buster visits two bars along that musical afternoon, and although his tenderfoot appearance elicits disdain from the regulars, he manages to maintain some of the tenets of a civilization which emphasizes sweetness and light, and also systematic/ mechanistic advantage. On the first visit, asking for whisky, he’s told that, “This is a dry county…” Noticing that everyone is drinking, he points out the discrepancy and his temerity tweaks someone to recognize him as, “The Texas Twit.” Buster corrects that whisky-driven rudeness to, “The Texas Kid” and, being a virtuoso technician has to shoot the uncontrolled mental-health victim with a bullet symmetrically placed in his forehead. That is followed by Buster’s vigorous massacre of the bad-mouth’s friends, including one wounded at the doorway to be needles, “I’ll leave you to the wolves and the gila monsters.” Confidently moving along to the bar in the next town, the straight-shooter complies with the establishment’s gun-check policy. He soon (ever the games-player, presaging cyber-mayhem) is at a poker table being coerced to take up the hand of somebody, perhaps feigning, needing to leave quickly. Buster takes exception to the irregularity, eliciting from the pushy, burly and surly contestant the problem of a six-shooter in his face. Always expecting from others sweet reason, the Texas Kid points out the violation of the authority’s rules of passivity. Of course the unreasonable one prepares to do away with an obstacle, but he meets acrobatic Buster’s resort to stomping on the several planks consisting of the gaming table, each time breaking parts of the gunman’s face. Our protagonist goes into a victory lap, singing about the loser in terms of “Surly Joe,” a bit of professionalism and wit which enthralls the room and also us, somewhat. We are especially touched—beyond the volatile emotional outpouring—by Buster’s being located in a social media heaven, going viral. (Part of the deadly improv consisted of the plaint, “He never really took to empathy…” followed by the smug axiom, “When you’re unarmed, your tactics might gonna be downright Archimedean ” [the latter being remembered for an effective screw].) Interrupting the fun, the victim’s brother cries out, “You killed my brother!” and he demands a shoot-out on the dusty street. The muddled and aged aggrieved is far from a gun-geek and the people’s choice toys with him, shooting off four of his fingers. (He had swaggered out to the site, remarking, “I should go into the undertaking business.”) Supposedly charming us with his bonhomie, he grants the “geezer’s” not knowing give-up; and, with only one bullet left (having geared up with the six-shooter but not the pair of effete collectible micro-shooters which he calls “princesses”) he decides on a “trick shot” with a mirror and shooting backwards (his supposed constituents holding firm). With that show done, another begins. A man in black, the sartorial opposite to Buster’s creamy white (would you call the former, “Death?”), playing a doleful harmonica, rides slowly to the trick-shot zone. And, being another simplistic country/ Western singer, he declares he’ll reap the bounty on Buster’s head. Buster, unarmed now without his gadgetry, has a moment of less insulation (“I should have seen this coming, Can’t be top dog forever…”). Shot symmetrically in his forehead, our majoritarian has taken the easy way to sustain joy. To the song the hunter in black sings, “When a Cowboy Trades his Spurs for Wings,” Buster is shown with angel wings coursing high above problematical life. His parting words here have to do with certainty of life after death, because—conformist-style—so many have written to that effect. Likes!

A scintillating Buster like that comes down the pike rather seldom. In the second chapter, the young hacker can’t even gain the affection of his horse. Thinking a solitary bank, manned by another geezer, would be something to keep him in 5-star dinners for a while, he discovers that the old are not always the weak and the ridiculous. The contretemps involves him having a shot-up leg in being suckered that the big denominations are near the floor, under the counter. While the sprightly banker repairs for some protective coating, our protagonist clears out the till and limps to the stone well in the yard. There he’s snubbed by his less than wonder-horse, who could have effected an escape. (Settling for a clunker seeming OK, if you imagine a life of ease has to involve an angel replacing every wreck.) The banker returns wearing pots and pans, and the marauder’s efforts to kill him bounce off. An uncool local posse strings him up, the horse now on hand to lurch forward and let the rope on the tree branch work the nose. The officiating judge tells him he now has his opportunity to say his piece, before dying. First, he decries, as a primordial crisis, the unfairness of the banker’s armor. An argument erupts about who gets the horse, and the voice of the new declares no one should get it. At this juncture of smallness an Indian war party appears, sending arrows into necks and putting an end to reveries for those whose reveries go nowhere. The nemesis here is as shallow as the one in the first episode, the Coens’ irreverence being truly wild. The dude with the noose is spared by a chieftain on the (false) basis of thoroughgoing challenge of authority. With everyone in sight dead, except the tied-up complainer and his recalcitrant horse, there ensues the clown-show, slow-motion acrobatics of his attempting to dismount without strangulation—he leaning back, and the inattentive mount meandering as he nibbles on some weeds. He sees a horseman and a few cattle, calls out, is rescued, and soon they regard each other as “sidekicks.” Within the same hour the newcomer bolts away from an oncoming posse after cattle rustlers; and the bank robber goes to the gallows on an erroneous charge. His having recently escaped one execution seems to have allowed him to strike a brazen tone in the vicinity of the hangman. (But perhaps he and many of his sidekicks, from years before, had been beneficiaries of a stunning leniency.) Tied up on a four-noose extravaganza in a town turned out for the morbid event, the failed bank-robber looks for something good turning up. An elderly felon cries and the insouciant youngster asks, “Your first time?” He spots a pretty woman in the crowd. Their eyes meet, and she smiles. The black hood covers his head. From the perspective of inside the hood there is a crunch and a cheering clientele. What wouldn’t miss, missed.

Another presumptuous figure, follows. But unlike the first two, he generates far more cogent passion. In the wintry Northwest mountain ranges, where mortals find nothing easy, a young man with no arms and no legs sings for his supper on a cold roadway as enclosed by a proscenium arch and stage, doubling as a caravan. His “song” involves declaiming stirring instances of a fate of finitude few mortals take to heart. The eeriness of his presence is enough to whet curiosity. But, far from a freak-show, as we discern this outreach, his skill in dramatic expression is of a caliber to haunt and maybe elicit reflection. A keynote of his performance is the sonnet, “Ozymandias,” engaged by the poet Shelley. as drawn to lyricism by the “recent,” 19th century discovery of a Pharaoh’s tomb—far more mineral than personal. Not only does he convey the emotive pathos of the impermanence of all creatures; but in reciting the Gettysburg Address he brings to bear the paradox of powerful love for human kind. Moreover, in an onstage scene called, “The Sash my Father Wore,” his commitment iterates the exigency of going to war—perhaps military, perhaps the wider and deeper factors of struggle every day of one’s life. This first performance we see is well appreciated and rewarded. The impresario feeds him some morsels of meat; but such a viable constellation does not last long—the fickle clientele far more amenable regarding the catchy enough oddity than the rare spoken and facially powerful gifts. The burden of “Ozymandias” and the fading of fame bites rapidly to the point of the businessman, seeing how popular a “mathematical chicken” could be, changing the show and dumping the orator into a rushing cataract. That the food had become indigestible and then no more was one more (and monstrously problematic) ingredient of the dubious calculus counting upon the world to gratify one’s thriving. Also, the performer’s insufficient food and mounting desperation resulted in a fine heart becoming a mediocrity. Perhaps his campaign was based upon suddenly needing to find kindred spirits to help him survive. As such he would be a barometer of his era’s sensitivities, and ours. There is a scene where the “Professor,” still caring to a point, visits a bordello, with his carrying his associate; and he turns the little man facing away from the bed. The hooker wonders if all of his appendages are gone. That excruciating, shared strangeness, flows to the measure of remorse after the murdering. Zaniness arrested, this singular expediency widens, deepens and tempers the jolly hatchet job.

Chapter Four features a protagonist even older than the impresario, who becomes an unlikely inspiration to those not finnicky about the full measure of facticity, in their film experience. Whereas the foregoing three dramas had been situated in badlands or austere, cold darkness, here we have a near paradisal valley, replete with many monarch butterflies and ravishing woodlands creatures. An elderly prospector and his cute donkey enter this range through a narrow opening in a thick, green forest, and the jaunty protagonist, a veritable Santa Claus, proceeds to pan for gold in a lovely stream. Before finding his mother lode, he had climbed a tree to loot four owl eggs, with a beautiful mother owl watching untroubled nearby, giving you just one of many moments that only a Mexican strategist and his far-flung fans could like. Perhaps Disney sanguinity infuses the sequel, where those owl eyes have an effect, and he replaces three of the four eggs. The rationale, “She won’t have remembered how many she had,” smacks of a constituency of shoplifters. As if this were not alone Academy Award enticement, the old elf comes to us in song—“Oh, God keep you, Mother McCree…” After back-breaking toil and impressive savvy, he finds the Bonanza, only to be attacked by a gunman. Shot in the back, his jersey becoming a blood-red blotter, he waits his turn to turn the tables. He kills his adversary and walks out of the pit where his gut was blown away, revealing his intestines pouring out on the ground. He’s heard to insist, “It didn’t hurt nothin’ important.” Next day, he’s in a clean shirt and looking pretty good, looking like The Revenant. His tag-line, “There’s a pocket up there. Where, I don’t know,” is a limp cliché. But it conceals everything the virals won’t touch. Similarly, the declamation, “I’m old but you’re [the gold] older,” mocks the primordial, with self-satisfaction.

Demonstrating that there are vast options to skin a cat, we now come to a composition called, “The Girl Who Got Rattled.” Our protagonist may be a young nineteenth-century woman taking orders from a brother about a spiel of very lucrative matrimony which would greatly help his floundering business career; but it is her own reckoning which tells us something about life today. At a boarding house in a “civilized” State of the Union, she’s made much of by the presiding host, in sharp distinction from how the latter regards an elderly woman who has fallen asleep at the dining table. That the girl’s imminent trip by covered wagon train to Oregon has been speculative with no firm commitment of marriage in sight (not unlike Buster’s being drawn to heaven); and only the feckless urging of an underperforming and exaggerating sibling to count upon, introduces to us, notwithstanding the era, to a figure sanguine to a fault. (Another boarder, a middle-aged man, who would, over the months, have seen through their effete wishfulness, strikes a tone of down-to-earth being disregarded in not only unpleasant ways but also in very dangerous ways.)

Once on the go, the weak brother soon dies of a cholera phenomenon which, to put the matter in full relief, could be called a plague. (The optics of the ox-wagon train must put into critical relief a very different protagonist, namely, Emily, in Kelley Reichardt’s film, Meek’s Cutoff [2010], a figure evincing a progress of courage and circumspection truly of another world from the placid and vaguely safety-net-assured, Alice Longabaugh [pronounced, Longbow].) The Coens’ film’s momentum of upending, has, by this stage, spotlighted not a single trace of strong coherence. Here, though, there is a partial equilibrium, requiring the rather reckless depiction of Indians being very inept, whereby to place Alice in a fool’s paradise, or Wonderland. This circuitous range of parody may best be disclosed with regard to the recently-deceased brother, and his spunky terrier, “President Pierce.” She remarks, after the burial on the range that Gilbert, her brother, “did very little,” but radiated intense political views, which she abhorred (in her once-over-lightly way). President Pierce, the politician, was a one-term American President just before the Civil War, whose lack of consideration for blacks sowed much turmoil. As with the rough trade about “wild Indians,” Alice, being remarkably confrontational, in her pat, namby-pamby way, channels to the present time, where political correctness has become a gigantic and cirrhosis creed, particularly amongst young, diet-puritan women. Hearing about her plight and her brother’s politics, the handsome young straw-boss of the junket, namely, Billy. is quick and pleased to pronounce, “He was a failure.” That ruthless assessment, by one being a member of her generation, clearly coincides with the protagonist’s needs. In the same vein, she’s in a quandary about many of her fellow travelers’ annoyance caused by President Pierce refusing to stop barking. He offers to put down the dog, and she doesn’t bat an eye finding it the way to go. She plugs her ears The Good Samaritan, however, flubs the shooting. He tells her, “We’ve seen the last of the President.” A few days later he’s back She finds she has had Gilbert buried many miles back, having left all of her funds in one of his pockets. The youngster tending to the oxen—having been promised a wildly inflated salary—begins to want some down payment. Billy promises to deal with the matter; but he soon admits he doesn’t have a clue. More of the same, the young outdoorsman finds that Alice, the low-wattage misadventurist, is his kind of girl. He proposes, and she quickly accepts. Though neither has any skills for life in a frontier town, they plan to settle down there. Their ace-in the hole is a one-off premium for married couples.

Apparently inured to the neighbors taking umbrage, she’s seen, with the canine survivor on her lap, straying away on her pony from the train and having a Saturday Night Live giggle about a prairie dog colony. Her Wonderland quickly sours when an Indian war party comes to play. The senior guide, Mr. Arthur, had noticed her disappearance and was able to single-handedly rout the dubious warriors. But, with the battle in doubt, Alice, crouching in a sort of pot hole, uses the suicide revolver, a sort of magic cake, provided for the possibility that the expert warrior might be killed. A lack of fight, extending beyond unruly mobs.

In the final vignette, middle-aged stage-coach riders hope to convince their fellow-travelers that they have everything figured out. (Here, in contrast to Alice and Billy, in having a flood of facile clichés, most of the premises in the coach have been subjected to long-term perception.) A trapper displays his gift for clever gab, as disarming the assumption that he is of no account. He had for years lived with an Indian woman who knew no English, just as he knew nothing of her language. His kernel of discovery involves that range of communication whereby it is possible to share a remarkable level of understanding by body language. His own pell-mell fluency, however, lands him in a bemusing embarrassment. Shifting from elevated one-to-one to amateur anthropology, the laborer hastily insists, “People are like ferrets.” A lady coming to reunite with her husband (a minister of the cloth and a theologian), after being with her daughter and the latter’s children for three years, begs to differ. She posits the more complicated situation of the upright and the sinning. That brings into the fray an elegantly dressed French bounty hunter, who, with Cartesian confidence, concludes that “one can’t know another’s soul.” The lady counters with, “Any decent person knows of eternal love, the love of the Creator.” A Polish gambler ridicules her position, and gets hit over the head with her umbrella. He then goes forward with a probability that her daughter had been eager to get her out of the household; and that her husband could not have sustained love during her long absence. His Slavic accent and poker deceptiveness adds to the aura of certainty about the traditional bonds rotting away, to the advantage of cynics and fatalists. (More important than the ideas floating around, is the gulf between this series of taking a stand by going to some trouble, and the smoothie addiction in the foregoing stories.) The French killer, with a lucrative corpse on the roof, has a partner. The latter is the one pulling the trigger while the diminutive Parisian chats up the prey to lull the victim to an easy death. This more middle-of-the-road figure has a fine singing voice and he proceeds to shower the company with a heartfelt rendition of, “The Streets of Laredo.” “I saw a young cowboy wrapped up in white linen…” Within the calm in effect from the song, the Gallic spellbinder treats the assembly to the land he really inhabits, and its conveyance. He evokes an aura derived from the moment the wanted man realizes his death has commenced. “The passage to death.” (Conjuring such intensity accomplishes [or hopes to accomplish] more than a disclosure of matter of fact. The French connection has opened a door to the surreal, the more real. Such mood enacts energies surpassing normal communication, but including its generally underestimated sensual presence. Soldiers of fortune. What could that mean, about change going forward?) Though that pristine moment fades, and on reaching the hotel the pair joke about possibly displaying the corpse along a corridor for the night, the mystery of that passage to death holds forth in another way. With the travelers in their hotel late at night, the coach makes a turn-around and races at full speed passed the place of arguers and swayers of truth. The tight linkage of the team of horses recalls the engagement of another group of flounderers being dragged along a nondescript countryside by the spectacle of Death, in Bergman’s The Seventh Seal.

Aspects of that latter film saturate The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, and their presence here add to the questioning about happy (even goofy, even lethal) trails in the 21st century. With happy-go-lucky Buster on horseback and singing, we have an amalgam of, first of all, the vigorous, bawdy, Squire Jons, far more viable than his precious master, the knight, Block. But in the gathering of that harp and those angel wings, we have a Buster buying into Block’s obsession for immortality. Jons excels in cleaning up nasty bars and other places where inferior entities should not be, though they pose extreme difficulty; but, in the end, he joins with Block in that linkage driven by the phenomenon of Death. (The veer to pointlessness for those once on top of the world, being a cinematic volatile, endowment of the other kind of energy our energy-mad planet won’t touch.) The song Scruggs (a name first of all seeming too rude for his wit and couth) sings for us at the fanfare carries a quirky version of Bergman’s duo of persistent ease, and a down-to-earth warrior/ wag. First, we have Jons: “All day I’ve faced the barren waste/ Without the taste of water, cool water/ Old Dan and I with throats burned dry for water/ Cool, clear water.” [Now Block] “The nights are cool and I’m a fool/ Each star’s a pool of water/ Cool, clear water. And with the dawn I’ll wake and yawn/ And carry on to water/ Cool, clear water.” And now, a sorely put-upon employee denounces that unhinged leader. (Here the factor of misanthrope comes forward with its paradoxical juggling.) “Keep a-movin’, Dan, dontcha listen to him, Dan/ He’s a devil, not a man/ And he spreads the burning sand with water…” Back to the deus ex machina (a millennial instinct as old as the hills). “Dan, can ya see that big, green tree?/ Where the water’s runnin’ free/ And it’s waiting there for you and me?/ Water/ Cool, clear water” [always metaphorically there for the right acrobat]. “The shadows sway and seem to say/ Tonight we pray for water/ Cool, clear water/ And way up there He’ll hear our prayer/ And show us where there’s water.”

The most notable feature of the ho-hum robber, in the second episode—over and above his being an inveterate predator upon wealth he doesn’t own, and, therefore a version of the clergyman who became a thief upon victims of the plague, in The Seventh Seal—is his being a witness to the noisy and blood-letting flagellants peeking out from that Indian war party, temporarily saving his skin. Here the boys touch upon—here, and later—the matter of a Happy Hunting Ground, supposedly reached by such observances. Irreverence, reminding us that other passions (far less showy and presumptuous) occupy the field and spread a frisson for those who have taken the trouble.

The lucky “sweetheart” in the gold business brings aboard The Seventh Seal’s reflective performer, Jof, the inventor of acrobatics and impossible juggling. The childish prospector serves as a contrast to real uncanniness and delight.

The tale of the damaged thespian evokes the mad woman prisoner, caged and headed for burning at the stake (in our Bergman shoot-out), on the pretext that it was she and her impiety who caused the plague—when, in fact, you could say the plague has always been here, and always will, millennials bringing on, with their overexposure to cheap thrills, their special poison.

Alice and her tepid Wonderland traces to the caravan of Jof’s wife (the “practical one”).

And the coach in the last hurrah—pegged as a death march along the sightlines of The Seventh Seal—now shows, in the unstinting power and flair of the horses, a fresh dynamic. A bit stressed though our helmsmen might be, they’re still alive and kicking.

#coen brothers

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rapfornication · 7 years

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A List of a Bunch of Songs We Liked by Siya Mbatha & Norman

2016, what a year. Included in this list are the emotions and memories that came with these songs. Here is a list that attempts to consolidate a most uniquely strange year .Fuck Donald Trump and enjoy the links to other pieces we thought you might enjoy too. And also fuck Donald Trump.

Danny Brown – When It Rain

Produced By Paul White Album: Atrocity Exhibition

One of the more left field songs that still somehow has an underlying jitty foot-light feel to it. It sounds like ‘Dip’ if it grew up in a dark basement and suffered from crippling anxiety. Danny Brown matches the atmosphere with some of his most vivid, impressive writing to date as he describes Detroit as a city that sees no change but gentrification, grannies getting robbed and more guns than necessary. Unforgettable.

Kendrick Lamar - untitled 02 | 06.23.2014.

Produced By Yung Exclusive & Cardo Album: untitled unmastered.

Cornrow Kenny brought out the circus tricks without losing his seriousness. The build-up is one captivating performance but once his voice swings into high pitched, the stunting and trumpets go into overdrive and you’re left pleasantly stunned. Get God on the phone.

Fat Joe & Remy Ma Feat. French Montana & Infa Red - All The Way Up

Produced By Cool & Dre & Edsclusive Album: Plata O Plomo

They say regionalism is dead but this all NY affair begs to differ. Cool and Dre provide the bass and unforgettable horns and the legends (plus Montana) rip it apart like a swaggier version of The Avengers. Remy Ma came back and ignited desperately needed fire.

Fat Joe & Remy Ma Feat. Infa-Red, Jay Z & French Montana - All The Way Up (remix)

Produced By Cool & Dre & Edsclusive

Lean Back left a lasting legacy, even for the millennials like my whack self who remembers slogans like Terror Squad, before Khaled was Billy Ocean, back when Fat Joe had the red parka in the video

"Lemonade is a popular drink and it still is". Lemonade the album that I still haven't listened to has just dropped and every beyhive fan on Twitter was up in arms mad that Jay Z was getting his lemonade from a woman named Becky -if you're into that kinda thing. And that’s all Hov was gonna do in terms of speaking on it. One more time, let it sink in. Lemonade is a popular drink and it still is. He pretty much ethered Beyoncé if you think about it.

Rihanna – Needed Me

Produced By Kuk Harrell & DJ Mustard Album: ANTI

For the first time in her long career, Rihanna sounded liberated. ‘Needed Me’ amplifies the dark, sexual charisma she always displayed in ways that feel less put-on (Rated-R, basically) and more like self-expression. A fantastic wonky Mustard beat gives her room to remind her past flame who really was doing who a favour. Savagery personified in one song. Oh, that shot of Robyn in a lacy blue dress, gun in hand, looking out to the beach? Iconic

BBNG Feat. Samuel T. Herring – Time Moves Slow

Produced By BADBADNOTGOOD Album: IV

It’s been great watching BBNG grow into their own. The legendary Sam Herring lends his heartfelt voice to this perfectly crafted number. Personally, it got me through a messy situationship. Unreciprocated love makes it feel like time is moving slow.

Kid Cudi Feat. Travis Scott - Baptized In Fire

Produced By Mike Dean & Plain Pat Album: Passion, Pain & Demon Slayin'

This is the most Kid Cudi Kid Cudi has sounded for a long time. And it's scary to figure that your preference for an artist is derived in their articulation of their personal pain and struggles, I mean it's why we fuck with a Basquiat right? But here, here it's like Cudi just wanted to make his number one fan Travis Scott happy. The reserved role that La Flame takes in this feels like that, like he's soaking the moment in. The production overall sound is very reminiscent of Man On The Moon, if not a remake considering Plain motherfucking Pat, Mike Dean, La Flame and Cudder were all on this, SQUAD.

Schoolboy Q – JoHn Muir

Produced By Sounwave Album: Blank Face LP

Deadly basslines and triumphant horns score Q’s coming of age tale to churn out one of the best songs on ‘.Blankface’. Can’t help but poorly crip walk when this album cut comes on.

Kemba – Already

Produced By Frank Drake Album: Negus

Honestly, one could have chosen any song on Kemba’s often brilliant LP, ‘Negus’ but ‘Already’ takes the cake for two reasons: it’s Frank Duke’s hardest beat since ‘Fuckin’ Up The Count’ and the artist sounds angry, dissatisfied and wounded by the awful recurring problems surrounding race. Isn’t that how we all felt in this bizarre year?

Samiyam Feat. Earl Sweatshirt - Mirror

Produced By Samiyam Album: Animals Have Feelings

This song was supposed to come right after Faucet but looking in this in totality it's fitting that it only dropped in 2016, a year later. A resolute Earl spits his way through his insecurities and imperfections "despite how they praising your face I'mma make do!". Earl's raps are never really about us, mans just telling his story and again we find ourselves in it. Looking in the mirror, seeing the only the nigga we wanted to be. It's not angry, it's aggressively encouraging.

Isaiah Rashad – Park

Produced By Park Ave. & D. Sanders Album: The Sun's Tirade

Trying to follow the topics Rashad dives into is genuinely exciting. In lesser hands, it just wouldn’t work but he’s always saved by the mere fact that he’s a compelling writer. Over fluttering hi hats and knocking sparse bass, he compares himself to Nicki Minaj and Guwop, reveals sexual infidelity while denouncing his savagery and still sneaks in discerning bars about fatherhood and religion. What really trips one out is how effortless it all sounds.

Noname – Freedom Interlude

Produced By Phoelix & Saba Album: Telefone

Out the shadows, Noname took her spot as one the more talented rappers of her generation. ‘Freedom Interlude ‘ is all her strengths wrapped in one warm song. Her intricate soliloquies spill over some steady drums and calming chords as she wanders and aches about Bill Cosby, perception, motherhood, becoming and everything in between.

Jeff Chery – Salty

Produced By Stefan Green

The cliché goes: if you don’t have haters, you aren’t doing anything noteworthy. So, naturally, songs about them are probably my favourite. Nothing like glorious flexing as a defence mechanism to truly propel a song and Chery leans into his naysayers over woozy bass and autotune.

J. Cole – Neighbors

Produced By J. Cole Album: 4 Your Eyez Only

Certain people will always let prejudices rule their perception of others. As a young black man, the hurtful reminders creep up on you every time who walk pass a car and the white person inside frantically locks their door or when you call your friends for a get together and your racist nearby residents bring the police to your doorstep to break it up. Cole explores this reality in a way that’s both relatable and fittingly hopeless. No matter who or where you are, the burden of being black is sometimes too heavy.

DJ Khaled Feat. Drake - For Free

Produced By Jordan Ullman & Nineteen85 Album: Major Key

I didn't want Khaled and Drake to have another anthem so they made another anthem. And as audacious as Drizzy Drake Rogers might be, as irritating as his love "Serana, Rihanna and JLo in one year" life might be, this is a really nice song. Like those moments after when you're feeling yourself, appreciating your agility wanting to ask the person next to you “... Is this sex so good I shouldn't have to fuck for free?"

Ma-E & AKA – Lie 2 Me

Produced by: Brian Soko, Mr Kamera & Ma-E

Ma- E is basically your uncle who tries way too hard to look/sound ‘hip’ but still somehow pulls it without coming off corny. This ‘Township Counsellor’ gem hides the lingering insecurity of being rich/famous and always wondering if people like you for you or what you offer. Roping in SA’s erratic egoistic makes perfect sense as the pair smash this one out the park.

Ka – Just

Produced By Ka Album: Honor Killed the Samurai

Gangster turned firefighter, Ka writes like how one would imagine if they found themselves in a ‘I Am Legend’ type world. Even the pragmatic, bare-knuckle beats can’t dull the emotionally profound bars about backstabbers, dead loved ones, poverty and unfulfilled potential. Guilt more than anything invades this samurais’ nightmares.

Lil Yachty - One Night (Extended)

Produced by TheGoodPerry Album: Lil Boat

It's really the most pleasant mean way to tell a hoe she ain't no wifey, matter of fact to tell anyone she ain't no wifey. But the video is tight tho, very Odd Future 2011-esq and very much Lil Yachty's assertion that he's pretty much here to do whatever the fuck he wants with this hip hop thing, and even scarier is that you actually can't stop him. Hook hella catchy tho.

Cousin Stizz Feat. Larry June – Down Like That

Produced By Puff Daddy Album MONDA

Billed as a showcase of star potential, Stizzy breaks out of the seriousness that drives ‘MONDA’ for some old fashioned hijinks. But Larry June truly murks this sizzling beat with one of the verses of the year. Who else can deliberately rap off beat, admit and end the bar with cold ‘fuck rap’?

Belly Feat. 2 Chainz, The Weeknd & Yo Gotti - Might Not (Remix)

Produced By Merlin Watts, DaHeala & Ben Billions

Between the time the original and now Belly had delivered consistently cold bars embodied in solid projects twice. And hip hops heavy hitters and OGs aren't asleep to this, Belly's signed to Roc Nation. Everyone on here does their part but it's 2 Chainz who steals the show with his playful but vicious flow with audacious lines like, "IF YOU LOVE ME TAT MY NAME ON YOUR UTERUS!". Belly comes through cold tapping into the drug taking, model fucking persona The Weeknd had before he went full pop on us. And while Yo Gotti's verse is otherwise forgettable, mans didn't go down without a fight.

Young Thug - Digits/Swizz Beats

Produced By Wheezy Album: JEFFERY

Thug’s output makes it hard to pick a favourite but these two highlight why I love Slime’s style. He’s a unique, eccentric singular voice that constantly defies rap norms and conjures up memorable hooks with ease.

A$AP Mob Feat. A$AP Rocky, A$AP Ant, A$AP Ferg, A$AP Nast, A$AP Twelvyy & Juicy J - Yamborghini High

Produced By Hector Delgado Album: Cozy Tapes Vol. 1: Friends

First off, s/o and daps to A$AP Mob for executing skits on a tape the way we remember skits on a tape, niggas too fucking cozy. It's the type of contextualising taking us back to Pesos. A corner store in Harlem. Second, you gotta want to believe that Yams in heaven tripping the fuck out not only watching the most tumbler-esque video but fact that the whole tape is not only an ode to Yams but also the preservation of his legacy.

Denzel Curry – ULT

Produced By Finatik N Zac, Nick Leon & Ronny J Album Imperial

The most gifted pick on 2016’s XXL Freshmen List. ‘ULT’ is the perfect song if you’re unfamiliar with Curry’s work. It’s high tempo and ferocious coupled with unyielding intelligence. Denzel sounds unflinching in the face of racial profiling and police brutality as he basks in the idea of unity. The chorus carries its 2Pac influence proudly. Revolt music.

Chance The Rapper feat. Saba - Angels

Produced By The Social Experiment & Lido Album Coloring Book

Chance is that guy, he either irks you or like Obama he's on your playlist(s). So this song found its way onto mine. This is the soundtrack to my success, the background music to scenes of triumph, the sound of joy, a thugs prayer of gratitude ..that's this song. Pain is beautiful but it takes real skill to articulate happiness.

ASAP Mob - Telephone Calls Feat. Yung Gleesh, Playboi Carti, Tyler, The Creator & A$AP Rocky

Produced By Plu2o Nash Album Cozy Tapes Vol. 1: Friends

The best thing about this song outside the quotable, outside Tyler stepping his flow up, outside walk Gleesh walk and outside "POST MAN, who dis?" is A$AP Rocky's verified lyrics where he writes about Tyler "I wish I knew this nigga my whole life" ❤

Frank Ocean Feat. KOHH – Nikes

Produced By Malay Ho, Om'Mas Keith & Frank Ocean Album: Blonde

Frank’s writing displays vulnerable humanity that we all try and tap into on our best days. ‘Nikes’ is filled with hilarious shit talking, short eulogies to passed peers and kin, lines about doing lines and trying to stay young. Life in your 20’s captured in 5 minutes.

Isaiah Rashad - Free Lunch

Produced By Cam O'bi Album: The Sun's Tirade

Damn, I hate to say this but drugs and depression gave depth to this man’s music and made it interesting. After Clivia Demo, I had feared that under the shadow of TDE/Kendrick hype, that like other almost kinda famous sorta artists we were going to lose him, collateral damage so to speak. But instead Rashad in the most cliche of ways turned tragedy into triumph.

Skepta – Man(Gang)

Produced By Skepta Album: Konnichiwa

The appeal of grime is its ability to be entertaining and aggressively haughty simultaneously. Skepta comes for everyone’s head on this ‘Konnichiwa’ standout. Fake fans and friends, washed rappers &wannabe fashionstas; no one is spared. London boyz made noise in 2016.

Childish Gambino – Me & Your Mama

Produced By Ludwig Göransson Album: "Awaken, My Love!"

The signal to the stars. Sitting through this ever mortifying gospel-rock joint feels transient. A shift from dick inspired punchlines to channeling Parliament Funkdelic; Donald Glover is proof of the rewards of artistic progression.

Danny Brown - Dance In The Water

Produced By Paul White Album: Atrocity Exhibition

I'd like to think that this song would fit perfectly in a Tarantino film that's already been made, maybe that one about the car with Rosario Dawson and the lady who did stunts for Uma Therman. I'd like to think those things, a perfect middle between the old world and new. Danny Brown, at his peak, paints the most perfect picture of curated chaos..

Saba & Noname – Church/Liquor Store

Produced By Cam O'bi Album: Bucket List Project

Two of Chicago’s more gifted writers take us on a ride through their hometown. Saba is insightful, sorrowful and clear headed as he tackles addiction, gang violence, gentrification and the school to prison system. Noname acts as the perfect foil. It soars with gorgeous keys and beautiful choir worthy voices that only add to the misery

Earl Sweatshirt & Knxwledge – Balance

Produced By Knxwledge Album: 2016 Adult Swim Singles

A sensible union. Two talented non stars whose styles fit each other like big feet & AF’s 1.Earl’s attention to detail add a personal touch to universal gripes of being young, black & confused. His mumblings feel at home over Knxwledge’s lush, anxious phrases.

AKA ft Yanga – Dream Work

Produced by KJ Conteh

Sampling ‘Street Fighter’ should already make this a classic but AKA takes it a step further by rightfully staking a claim to SA rap’s crown. The hook is masterful; Yanga’s voice complements the thumping bass perfectly and AKA sounds focused, sharp and agitated. A continuation of a 5 year streak that doesn’t seem to be ending anytime soon. Long Live Supa Mega.

Terrance Martin – Valdez off Crenshaw

Produced by Terrace Martin Co-Produced by Robert “Sput” Searight

Modern music would be less great without Terrace Martin. One could go on an endless tangent listing countless accolades and contributions but rather we stick to this one moment on “Velvet Portraits”. It’s a mesmerizing piece of jazz leaning funk that contains an electric guitar solo that’s so beautifully over the top you can’t help sit in awe. An experience.

D.R.A.M Feat. Lil Yachty – Broccoli

Produced By J Gramm Beats Album: Big Baby D.R.A.M.

There's this phenomena taking place where new kids want to be their own, don't want to inherit problems, keen to dictate their own narrative. This song is a prime example of this. D.R.A.M is on here with his puppy hugging positive healthy outlook on life bars and Lil Yachty is here in his whole self. The millennials Big Pimpin', I’m calling it.

Kadhja Bonet – Honey Comb

Produced By Kadhja Bonet Album: The Visitor

‘Classical music’ can be an off putting label. But Bonet puts a modern spin on the genre and breathes new life into it. It sounds so good it possess the power to you cleanse all your proverbial sins. Gorgeous piece of music.

Solange Feat. Lil Wayne - Mad

Produced By Troy "R8DIO" Johnson, David Longstreth, Sir Dylan, Solange &Raphael Saadiq Album: A Seat at the Table

Very rarely are us folk, black folk, worldwide given the space to be angry. Our sorrow, our pain and small glimmers of happiness have their time, designated hours. So when you're mad, you're mad on your own, you're carrying it on your own .. and when you finally exhale it's a lot. Mad about inabilities and inadequacies of the self. It's always just too much to never have someone ask "why you mad son?". It's a relief to have a song like this affirm that anger. Affirming the experience of holding on anger only for it to be dismissed, invalidated to be "why you always be so mad"-ed. I praise Solo for speaking this truth.

Rae Sremmurd Feat. Gucci Mane – Black Beatles

Produced By Mike WiLL Made-It Album: SremmLife 2

Mannequin challenge aside, ‘Black Beatles’ was destined to be a hit. Swan Lee sounds like a fallen angel; cautious and courageous. Jimi admirably keeps up and Gucci is his outrageous melodic self. Mike Will brings out the trademark ear wormy tunes and you’ve got a stellar song that celebrates youthful exuberance like no other this year. Rae Sremmurd > The Beatles

Rich Chigga - Dat $tick

Easily the hardest bars and hardest beat of the year, or the 2nd Quarter. Upper Echelon bars. YOUR FAVORITE RAPPER WAS SHOOK WHEN HE HEARD IT.

DJ Esco Feat. Future & Rae Sremmurd - Party Pack

Produced By Southside & DJ Esco Album: Project E.T. Esco Terrestrial

If you questioned the longevity of Future's "glow up" or how Rae Sremmurd would navigate beyond being the cute small guys then this song stands as testament. On this song Future sounds energized, he sounds damn near competitive on a song that features another well executed Swae Lee hook and a very well placed Slim Jxmmi.

Boogie – Nigga Needs

Produced By Keyel Album: Thirst 48, Pt. 2

Boogie has a knack of simplifying nuanced thoughts and conflicting feelings. Coupled with a video of him as a bleeding centrepiece in an art gallery, The Thirst 48 rapper tries to come to terms the difficultly of self-improvement in a world that conspires against him.

Travis Scott Feat. NAV - Beibs in the Trap

Produced By NAV Album: Birds In The Trap Sing McKnight

Ay, millennials finally get our own cocaine raps, that tight. But say no to drugs. Drugs ruin lives. Drugs also cost way too much money to pick it up as a habit. Also, who actually does cocaine anymore. Isn't tripping on anxiety meds, though troubling cos clearly in the purest sense of self we have proved incapable of dealing with the realities of this world, the wave? I dunno, just don't do crack kids. That's not glamorous. Neither is crushed up Ritalin on your gums. Great song though 5/5 shout outs NAV for the harmonies and production s/o Justin Beiber.

Westside Gunn & Action Bronson – Dudley Boyz

Produced By The Alchemist Album: Flygod

Wrestling and food references? Boasting about hardness and superior garments over velvet soft chords? Why didn’t this collaboration happen sooner? Old heads need to pay more attention to Westside and stop complaining about mumble rap.

DJ Khaled Feat. Jay Z & Future – I Got Keys

Produced By Jake One, G Koop & Southside Album:Major Key

The God MC came down a couple of times this year to bless his subjects but this Future – assisted joint was a highlight. Not a world beater but admirable considering it is a 42 year old taking a jab at a relentless Southside banger.

2Chainz – Ounces Back

Produced By DJ Spinz Album Daniel Son; Necklace Don

This Christmas, I’m thankful that the most entertaining rapper on earth was inspired all throughout the year. A performance littered with ludicrous lines about forgotten apartments in Jupiter(???), expensive jewelry and his upper echelon sex game. The flow is never forced or out of pocket over dreamy bass and stuttering keys. How is he over 40 and more inventive than rappers half his age?

21 Savage – No Heart

Produced By CuBeatz, Southside & Metro Boomin Album: Savage Mode

The line between fantasy and realism grows blurry with each social media update. We continue to laud rappers who seem to draw from real life experiences more than the ‘posers’ and that what makes ‘No Heart’ so great.21 is way too specific & menacing not mean any of his threat- filled lines. Metro Boomin’ matches the dead eyed feel with his most minimalist work to date and the end product is as enthralling as it is terrifying.

Chance The Rapper Feat. 2 Chainz & Lil Wayne - No Problem

Produced By BrassTracks Album: Coloring Book

Chance The Rapper Feat. 2 Chainz & Lil Wayne - No Problem Produced by: Album: Coloring Book Coloring Book is one of those polarizing projects, you either felt it or you didn't .. I didn't. But he made songs like this that didn't make you feel like you were at Christian Rap Camp, some menacing statements were made on here echoed by your mum’s church choir. Wayne told us about freeing the choir, Chance threw threats about labels meeting the real south side and 2 Chainz? Man that man effortlessly floated just right on this pleasant song that even this weird iPhone class project video even is enjoyable. ZBo8QA/K2O8

Migos Feat. Lil Uzi Vert – Bad & Boujee

Produced By Metro Boomin Album: CULTURE

An ode to classy fly women that even Uzi Vert couldn’t ruin. Offset’s show-stealing hook sticks in your mind like a deferred exam. A shining example of the power of Migos as a hit-making collective.

Kanye West Feat. Kendrick Lamar -No More Parties in LA

Produced By Kanye West & Madlib Album The Life of Pablo

It's only fitting that the most flagrant and audacious bars would find themselves sitting on this masterpiece. It's almost felt like a battle rap, Kendrick urging Kanye to rap again and Ye coming the fuck thru, "that God for me!" Pablo declares triumphantly and the song is so good, it's such a Kanye signature sample old heads the energy in the recording studio is crazy with McDonald's and Hennessy. Crazy. Fucking magical is what it is.

G.O.O.D Music Feat. Kanye West, Big Sean, Quavo, Gucci Mane, 2 Chainz, Travis Scott, Desiigner & Yo Gotti - Champions

Produced By Kanye West, A-Trak, Lex Luger & Mike Dean Album: Cruel Winter

Briefly, for but at least a second it looked like Kanye, Pusha T, fucking Kid Cudi, La Flame, 2 Chainz and even Big Sean .. it looked like the gang were back together. This single came as a result of hysteria, a just released Gucci, Kanye West finally releasing an album, a Quavo in his prime on a fucking MIKE DEAN track. In this moment, with the whole world in a frenzy doing everything they could do to somehow get their hands on these super stars, we were reminded that this label, GOOD Music, is a home to champions.

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bellaandthebabe · 6 years

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Some Thoughts On Wendy Williams' Announcement & Some Tough Mama Love

Hello. Welcome today to this episode of Bella & the Babe. It's becoming almost like Bella & the Babe TV. I talk to you all almost every single day practically about some topic related to self-care, self love, motherhood, and mindfulness. That's where I get my jam, and I really enjoy talking about it.

Today, I am coming on specifically to talk about the Wendy Williams announcement about Graves Disease, and what that has to do with us, as mothers. You're thinking, "What does that have to do with us?"

But before I do that I want to quickly go ahead and share this video out. I want to share it to make sure that the mamas in my Mindful Mama Community, right here on Facebook, have access to this, and that they are able to see this video. So, let me go ahead and do that really quick.

Yes, so if you're tuning in right now, you're tuning in because you want to understand what the heck does Wendy Williams's recent announcement about her Graves Disease have to do with me as a mother? Have to do with me as a woman, and this whole idea of doing it all?

Hello, welcome. My name is Brooke-Sidney, my company is called Bella & the Babe, which is all about empowering authentic and mindful motherhood. And essentially, what I do is I help tired and guilt ridden moms get free of mama guilt, find more time for self-care, and love the lives they're currently living.

Basically, why I wanted to get on today is I wanted to talk to you about the Wendy Williams announcement. And I am by no means an expert on Wendy Williams, let me get that out of the way ... and what we can all learn from her announcement, as well as other messages that she has shared. Because sometimes we don't get it when it comes from just me, just the other mama on the street. But, when we can hear certain messages sometimes echoing in our cultural chamber, then maybe, just maybe people will start to listen. And my hope is that mamas start taking better care of themselves. That's really my goal for today.

I don't know if you guys follow Wendy Williams. She's a major talk show host. She has her own show, she's been in radio. She's been doing the darn thing for ... shoot, I don't even know ... 20 plus years, I would imagine. I myself am not a big Wendy Williams follower. I'm all for women doing their thing though. So hey, go get 'em, Wendy Williams. Just for me, I just don't watch a lot of television, and I definitely don't really watch gossipy television - but that is me. I still think there's a place and a time, and I'm all about her getting her coin and getting that bag.

With that being said, she does a lot of things. She has a very big following. She is very visible. She has her own TV show. She's got a lot of demands on her time, but she also has a family. She has a husband, she has, I think, at least one kid. So, she is definitely a mama, a mamapreneur, a mama business leader. She is doing it. So, I think over the past couple of weeks, she's been passing out. She has been fainting. I think she's known about her disease, or her illness, but she has decided to reveal it most recently. So, she has announced that she has Graves Disease, which is this autoimmune disease. I am not a doctor, I am a lawyer and a self-love guide for mamas, that is not my field.

But the point that I want to really make today with her story and what she shared in the past, is that she came onto a CNN Money interview, where she shared that women can't do it all. And I have been talking about this for years now.

I think that us, as mamas, and us as women, especially I would say like, Gen X, Millennials on down, we were fed the story that we can do it all. That we can have the career, we can have the family, we can have this amazing legacy. Like we can do it all. We can cook, clean, take care of the kids, go to work every day, smash it out there, be a rock star there.

Then, we can have all these other extra-curricular activities, run a non-profit, give back in the community, be a philanthropist. Like do it all, everything. But yet, be at home in the kitchen, serving it up in the bedroom. I'm just being real. All of these things are the messages that we are taught that we are supposed to be, as “super women.” And quite frankly, there are men and society that is buying into it. And if you don't know, or are not willing to admit, it is freaking hype. It is not the truth.

I have so many people that come and ask me, "Okay, I want to get better at self-care. I want some more time. My health is suffering." Take the Wendy Williams example. "My life is suffering, I'm not doing well with work, I'm not doing well as a mother because I'm trying to do it all." And I am here to tell you, just like I tell my clients, just like I talk about on any platform that I have, be it podcasts that I'm interviewed for, anything that I have to talk about as it relates to this "balance," -- it doesn't exist.

Balance does not exist, prioritization exists. Making time for the things that are important to you - exist. That is the key. Something is going to fall to the floor. And as Wendy Williams says, "Something is going to suck." I hate to break it to you, you cannot do it all, all the time, and everything goes swell. There's a key here, there's a reason I'm telling you this. Is that we have to start figuring out what is important to us and not compromising our health.

The way that we figure out what is important to us is to spend more time with ourselves, with Spirit, whatever that works for you, in meditation, in prayer, in some centering activity for you to get quiet, and take care of yourself.

It is anti-cultural to slow down. It's anti-cultural to say, "I can't do it all. I'm not the super woman." It's anti-cultural to say, "I need help." It is almost as if I should whisper it and say, "You have permission." You have permission to ask for help, and to spend time taking care of you, mama. You, woman out there. You, amazing being. Because the truth is that if you don't take care of yourself, there's gonna be a health scare. I hate to put it that way, but it is the truth. There is gonna be a health scare. There is gonna be a “some scare.” There's gonna be something that happens that's gonna wake you up if not now, later. Why wait until later? Let's start taking care of ourselves now. Let's start being honest about our lives now. Let's start reconnecting with ourselves, so that we can prioritize and live the lives that we want to live, and live them out loud.

I'm all about creating. I'm not bullshitting. I'm all about creating a tribe of empowered and mindful women that are not afraid to live this life out loud. That are not afraid to say, "I take time for myself so that I can be my best self for myself and for my kids, and for my spouse, and for my lover, and for everyone that I interact with every single day. And I am okay with it. And not only am I okay with it, I am great with it. And I want you to do the same." Because that's how we connect with our power. That's how we connect with our strength. That's how we stay healthy. That's how we stay tuned in to our greater power, whatever that is for you.

So I am encouraging you, I am inviting you, to spend some time figuring out what works for you, to spend some time being quiet, to spend some time really evaluating what your priorities are. So look back over 2017, and this first month and a half of 2018, and see how well is that working for you? Are there areas of your life that could be working better? Is there joy in areas of your life that you're leaving on the table? Could your health be better? Could your relationships be better? And more importantly, could your connection with yourself be improved?

If you answered yes to any of those things, let's work on it! Let's get it together. Let's work on our self-care. Let's work on our mindfulness. Let's begin to make strides in these areas so that we can improve our 2018, and leave a legacy when we're ready to go. Not because we didn't take care of business. And by taking care of business, that means taking care of ourselves.

So, if you want to learn more about mindfulness and self-care for mothers, I have a free group. I have a free community, jump on into it. And for those of you that right now know that you want to make a serious commitment, meaning you want to work on it on a monthly basis, join my Mindful Mama Membership Circle, where every month you get a lesson. You get an affirmation. You get a guided meditation from me. You get additional tools, worksheets, workbooks, journal prompts, whatever is needed to hone in that particular message around self-care and mindfulness. I'd love for you to join me. We have founding member benefits, and a founding recurring rate that will go away soon. Definitely the links are here, I invite you to join me.

I would love to hear how your 2018 is going. And what you think about this Wendy Williams thing. About what I feel like is the expose, which I have been preaching for I don't know how long, and talking about, that we can't do it all and the super woman idea is a freaking myth - and it's only hurting us as women. The longer that we perpetuate this, that doing it all is the equivalent of being a super woman, we're only hurting ourselves. We're already freaking super women, and the moment that we figure that out and take care of ourselves, we're even greater, because our powers are strengthened!

So, I invite you again, check out my free Mindful Mama Group. Join my email list, get connected. Or for those of you that are more serious and know that you want to take concerted efforts to really get in touch with yourself, and love this motherhood journey that we are so privileged to be on, join my Membership Circle.

Thank you so much. Like and share this video. Talk to you soon.

#self-honoring #self-care #self-love #motherhood #superwoman #myth #wendy williams #mindfulness

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madehq · 6 years

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The Kids are Alright (and Online)

If the latest warnings from the media are to be believed, millennials are on a killing spree, taking down everything from napkins to diamonds. Too consumed with the hunt for smashed avocado on toast, we seem to be single handedly destroying entire industries, all without looking up from our phones.

But it’s not just linens and precious stones that are being affected; many arts organisations are feeling the pinch, finding that they are not attracting the younger demographic needed to bolster ageing audiences. Audience Agency research has found that the average UK audience member is 52, signalling a crisis point in coming years if millennials cannot be brought on board.

This does not mean that nothing is being done by cultural organisations to draw in a younger crowd. Opera companies such as Glyndebourne and English Touring Opera show productions each season designed to introduce children to the art form. Many venues, including Young Vic, Donmar Warehouse, and National Theatre offer discounted tickets to those under 26, in an effort to make theatre more accessible to young people. Museums are utilising new technology to enhance exhibitions, creating interactive experiences more likely to attract those unfamiliar with their offerings.

Still targeted productions alone are not enough to make sure you are winning over young people. In a world dominated by digital, strong online offerings are essential in bringing younger audiences to your organisation.

Be a Phone-y

First of all, it is time to drop a truth bomb on you. Young people are online. I know, I know, it’s shocking, but it’s true. This means it’s essential that all your offerings are online. Paper processes, based around calling the Box Office, are outdated, and are likely to put younger users off from enquiring. Move your processes online. This not only centralises all your information, but allows you to store them automatically, making life easier for your staff. This was the case for BBC Proms, in which digitising the process helped sell 50,000 ticket in the first hour of onsales.

But younger audiences aren’t just online; they are on their phones, and they are using them to purchase everything (bar napkins and diamonds). Recent studies have predicted that by 2020, purchases from mobile phones will account for $284 million. This means that having your site be mobile-first is becoming more and more important. In fact, when it comes to web development, we work mobile-first, with design efforts focusing first on mobile, and the considering desktop. Embrace the features seen in apps like Spotify and Instagram, replacing fiddly buttons with interactive panels. A fully responsive, and visually clear site means that you will not be losing those users whose first move is not to head to a desktop.

Easy Does It…

As useful as this advice is, having all your services online does not act like a homing beacon for millennials. Apps such as Uber, Deliveroo and Dice have created a culture where purchases are quick, easy and intuitive. Younger audiences expect the same when it comes to ticketing. We aren’t saying that you have to completely reinvent the wheel, but cutting out some of the clunkier, long winded aspects of your website is key for drawing in new demographics.

Make it easy for users to select “Best Available”, allowing them to bypass the select your own seat pages, which can be particularly fiddly on mobile devices. To dispel the common preconception that cultural events are too expensive, follow Center Theatre Group’s lead and allow for filtering not only by date but by price. These changes provide an extra level of choice, as well as a streamlined process, so is a win win from a user experience point of view.

Next up on the hit list is the dreaded account registration. By offering guest check out, you will lower bounce rate, particularly from young users who are looking for one production. And these users are not lost forever; chances are that once they have bought tickets once, they will come back, and then consider registering. Getting new audiences through the doors and connected to your venue is more important than having them registered with an account straight away. Alternatively, social media logins make the process easy, saving any typing at all!

When it comes to actual payment, Apple Pay and PayPal are becoming facts of life. You can get things on eBay, use public transport and buy plane tickets with them, so why can’t you use them to purchase tickets? By offering these options, you reduce the chance of unsure users being put off by the rigmarole of your processes, or having to entrust their details to an organisation which they don’t trust as much as their favoured payment method. Plus, these automatically pull information including billing and delivery addresses, reducing the checkout process to just a few clicks.

Finally, to call back to our point about digitising your process, make e-ticketing your primary delivery method. Offer up collection from Box Office or Print at Home by all means, but make sure that you can keep your ticket on your phone. E-ticketing is not just a simpler process, it’s also fast becoming the expected functionality when it comes to buying tickets online. And if that’s not enough to persuade you, it’s good for the environment, so that’s a bunch of instant karma points right there.

So be ruthless, and think as simple as possible.

Read all about it! (But read quickly)

If you want to draw younger audiences into your new and improved slick purchase pathway, the information leading there needs to be concise too.Many organisations find their older websites chock full of information. Not only do navigation bars come with long secondary menus, once you find a production page, you are confronted with a swarm of tabs.

So it’s time to get brutal. Rid your site of any extraneous information. Seriously consider what content is needed, and what can be moved. Many of our clients find upon review that their navigation bars duplicate information, or could be much simpler and more intuitive with fewer primary options.

Once your navigation bars have been stripped back, start work on the production pages. Move to one tab production page, with extra content integrated into the body. It makes everything clearer, and increases the chance of users interacting with the content now it isn’t hidden away.

It isn’t just content and production information that needs to be clear; it’s important that users can easily see how to proceed to purchasing tickets. Often so many competing calls to action are presented to users that they become bogged down with options. As great as it is to share an event, or see more information, you want to remove the clutter around actually finding and purchasing tickets. So whittle down those options, and really shine a spotlight on the Book Tickets button.

Between the simplified purchase pathway and trimmed down website, information is easy to reach, and users are less likely to get bogged down with facts, and more likely to actually book tickets.

Video killed the Interview Star

If you are going to have streamlined production pages, the content on it has to be carefully selected too. A picture is supposedly worth a thousand words, and that makes a video pretty valuable. Some organisations have embraced video in a big way, such as Globe Player or National Theatre Live, but there is plenty you can do to utilise videos, without breaking the bank. Adding trailers to your homepage, like Sadler’s Wells, draws attention to productions and sums it up more than a long piece of text, such as an interview, which may well be ignored.

Twitter, and Facebook, and Insta, oh my!

To provide one last piece of advice, away from your website, we are going to talk about the thing that keeps marketeers up at night: social media and young people. With recent news that young people are abandoning Facebook, it can be hard to know which platforms are best to utilise, and where to place your time and money.

The key is to stay flexible, with your digital strategy adapting as you see what works, and what doesn’t. The Bridge Theatre recently used Instagram stories to advertise their production, bringing advertising to a new audience in a non-intrusive (and short) way. Monitor the data you get back, and make changes accordingly.

Once you have the younger users coming to your venue for a performance, utilise social media to strengthen relationships. Social media walls, as seen on the Signature Theatre website, allow digitally attuned visitors to interact with your organisation, boosting your connection, as well as providing you with free user generated content. So promote the production hashtag, and encourage reviews and photos of your audience’s night out. You get more interaction, they get 15 minutes of fame on your site! This is the future Andy Warhol wanted.

Time for the takeaway…

As much as we’d love it, there is no magic trick to persuading younger demographics to visit your website, and purchase tickets through it. There are however steps you can take to make your site millennial-friendly, without resorting to expensive stunt tactics. It’s largely about streamlining the user experience, providing a service that fits in with the digital experiences that young people have in other areas of their lives.

If you make information clear, and keep purchasing easy, once users have been directed to your site, the chances are they’ll actually do something there. Better still, these changes not only increase the likelihood of young people booking with you, they improve the user experience for all visitors to your site. Ages 8 - 80 will be pleased, which makes it the most sensible thing you can do for your online offerings.

So there you are, our tips for making your digital presence ready for younger users. Time to sit back and wait for the distant rumble of overpriced ultra white trainers. Now I’m off to brunch. I hear they have avocado toast.

#opinion

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insecure-hbo-the-recaps · 7 years

Text

hella disrespectful

REMINDER/ALERT: Tumblr has locked me out of my original account and from now on I will be posting from this address. PLEASE FOLLOW ME HERE. Do me the additional favor of unfollowing the previous account though I have not yet figured out how to get Tumblr to delete these accounts that I am no longer able to access but that will probably simplify things a little, idk.

Previously on Insecure: "I don't want your conversation - get in my line up;" "Woot-Woot's dead;" "This whole open thing sounds super messy;" "I can't believe Issa's still out here seeing this dude;" "Did you really just do that in my fucking face?"

Issa's in the crib getting some moral support from Molly and I just gotta say I got kinda a bone to pick here:

Issa ain't riding no bike! You know damn well Issa ain't riding no bike! If she were she wouldn't be so fucked up after getting her car smashed. My ex lost a bunch of weight randomly biking all the time and I would get so worried about him biking in subzero temperatures. Getting worried about a partner was new to me, btw. I realized I never worried about it possibly happening that someone I was dating would die lol, like while I was dating him. He'd drop me off and I'd ask him to text me when he got home and if he didn't I'd wake up in the morning seriously thinking "omg what if he got in an accident and died last night?"

Molly is on Issa's team regarding the "surprise" facial. She wants Daniel to be fucked up on sight. Where is Molly? This room looks old fashioned and kitschy as fuck, and the headboard is different from the one she has at home. Issa doesn't want to see Daniel again, but that's not a problem for Molly, who wants to BRRRRR-TATTTT on Daniel with a water gun full of raw eggs.

Issa's pain is deeper though - she was trying to show Daniel that he was special to her and he embarrassed her. To be honest I am still having a hard time getting on the same page with Issa and her deeply insulted reaction to Daniel's surprise facial. On the other hand - I had that happen to me once and I literally never spoke to the guy again. Like in Issa's case, I assumed he did it on purpose... buuuuut, me and that guy kind of hated each other so it made sense. I guess I'm having a hard time relating to why Daniel would have done it and as such why Issa's so offended. It's a little contrived, I think, is what I'm saying. I repeat: a good dude wouldn't do this to you. So either Daniel is a good dude, or he's exposed that he's not. Accidental unwanted facials aren't a thing.

Molly is being a good friend, validating Issa's feelings, and ranting about how men watch too much porn and think that shit's ok. Molly possibly had an ulterior motive, because being in a safe space she feels ok to tell Issa she's still seeing Dro. "I thought that was a one and done?" Issa asks. "It's more like a seventeen and not stopping no time soon," Molly says, and SIGH. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS MOLLY? IT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA. Why would she even want this? Aren't some men just generally off limits? Dro seems like the kind of guy, with the kind of history, that should just be not an option (particularly considering he's married). Issa still isn't buying that anyone, especially Molly, benefits from this alleged open relationship, which Molly is offended by. They are telling each other hard truths, softened by years of honest friendship, and although they aren't on the same page, they agree to love each other through the stupidity.

Yaaaas, bitch. Issa' still on the bus. She spots the latino kid again, who removes his backpack and Entemann's donuts to give her the seat. When he pulls out a PSAT prep, Issa sees an opening and tries to chat him up about the teacherly and tutorly pursuits her job offers. Surprisingly to both Issa, and the audience I think, the kid says he tried to go but was told by Mr. Gates that the program was full. Issa finally appears troubled by this now that she is confronted by someone she sort of deliberately left behind.

Lawrence Tech Start up. Lawrence is wearing a Santa Claus/footie pajama red thermal and it looks crazy. Colin the Clueless White Guy sidles up to him (in an equally ridiculous printed button up - buttoned all the way to the top naturally) and burgundy pants and makes small talk while Lawrence pours himself a coffee. Colin is all in Lawrence's business for no reason in a gotcha conversation that just serves to prove Lawrence and Arpant have been kicking on the side and trying to hide it at work. Cliffs notes they suck at it and their coworkers have sniffed them out.

Molly is riding around somewhere with Quintin in his wood grain Lexus. He brought her popcorn from Garrett's and while I appreciate the shoutout I've literally never heard of such a thing as RANCH in Garrett's - like - what? It's cheddar and caramel. Stick to the script. Don't try to be new and exciting. You tell someone in Chicago Garrett's is doing ranch popcorn and they will look at you wondering who lied to you. (Note to self: get some Garrett's for the first time since high school.) Molly tries it and is hooked. Quintin asks about Molly's "white boy" meeting: apparently she is going to shoot her shot and ask for the raise. Quintin says he's going to be in LA soon and asks Molly to show him around. Molly: a beat passes before she goes "mm, ok," because she understands the pass he has made at her.

SILICON VALLEY IS SO MILLENNIAL AND COOL. Lawrence is looking for Arpana to make amends for blowing their spot. Arpana does that thing of being possibly offended at keeping things a secret WHILE playing standoffish at the implication that they are anything to be kept secret. Hmmm. Bold move, Cotton. Let's see if that works out for her. Lawrence confirms drink plans, Arpana teases him, blah blah.

At the office, Issa seeks out Frieda and asks to talk. Frieda isn't all that interested, but then Issa presents some research on how to increase latino enrollment at their school. Issa beams at her in approval because apparently they thought of the same plan. Frieda is relieved that she and Issa are back on friendly wavelengths again, and asks where Issa's change of mind came from. Issa acknowledges that she's been lost in herself and Frieda was right. It's a good apology and Frieda is cool with it.

Meanwhile at Molly's Dro shows up with a bag of groceries and Molly's keys. He asks her if she wants them back and she says no. MOLLY. WHY. I DON'T GET IT. There are literally billions of available partners for you. What the fuck is the draw of being emotionally open to A MARRIED MAN? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOOD OR WILL WORK OUT? If you're going to fuck a married man in an open relationship ok, I guess, do you even though it's a thing on its own. But why are you trying to give the motherfucker your keys to your apartment? Christ, Molly. Molly gives Dro her bag of popcorn - that Quintin gave her - which cheapens the rapport Quintin was trying to build in that she tried to transfer it to Dro. I don't get it, Molly, truly.

They change subjects to Derek's birthday party and Molly sours at the knowledge that Dro's wife will be coming. Goddamn that man is tall. Look at him. He's like a basketball player.

ISsa gets a text from Tiffany who wants to know if it's cool that Lawrence is coming to the party. Issa screenshots and sends to Molly who is also offended at Tiffany springing Lawrence out of nowhere. This prompts Issa to check Lawrence's facebook, where she learns he has blocked her. She is really pissed about Lawrence taking their five year relationship to the brink of actually blocking her on facebook, resulting in another angry mirror rap. But she plays it off to Molly.

Law firm. Molly is sitting in front of a panel of three general pale men, pleading her case. She is cool and confident, all Law of Attractioning that she's going to receive the value she deserves. She parries their comebacks with all the agility of Serena. The partners agree with her, but are a bunch of stingy bastards that want to put her off as long as they are able to - they agree with her pitch and simply offer that it will be taken into consideration at her yearly review. And ain't that some bullshit? The idea of wielding that kind of bias because you understand you are bartering with someone that may not have the collateral to be as competetive as she could be. Stupid generic white boy Travis that is already making significantly more than Molly could walk into this meeting and be a threat if he suggested he'd leave because he isn't being paid fairly. When you're a black woman - what's she gonna do? Quit? She should be grateful she has the clout of such an establishment lended to her. Yadda yadda yadda, BULLSHIT.

At the school, Issa has not only decided what has been happening with their program is wrong, she decides she has to confront Principal Gates with it. She tells him they are discriminating and he asks what the problem is being the program is full - "now you're coming up to me with some 'All Lives Matter'?" Ouch. Frieda tries to step in and Gates looks at her, offended. Issa tells him that the latino students are being turned away and it isn't far. Gates again plays the "your tone is offensive/it's not that big a deal/calm down" argument and literally laughs in her face and walks away.

Lawrence forgot about Derek's party and wants to switch drinks with Arpana from 7 to 10. Yeah, no, Lawrence. He tells her his ex would be there and for some reason Arpana offers to go. That's a little messy. Like, have drinks the next day. Why insert yourself?

Back at Issa's, she's wearing a crazy dress getting ready to go to the party and Daniel calls. He wants to apologize and move on but Issa is still mad. She offers vulnerability and asks why he'd do that to her of all people. Daniel seems contrite enough as he asks for forgiveness - even tacking on a "please," and Issa visibly softens. She tells him she hates him which of course is female for "I love you."

Issa asks why their thing is always messy and Daniel, overestimating the strength of their reconciliation, offers that now they're even; he equates what he did to squaring things after Issa dogged him at the charity event last year. And honestly.... I mean, i won't ever condone an unwanted facial, but Issa did get off the hook pretty scott free for telling Daniel he was just an itch she had to scratch and don't tell her boyfriend because their shit was nothing comparatively. Like, Issa had to have known that was scoring points on him too. So, I'm gonna call this a wash. Issa is mad all over again that Daniel intentionally humiliated her, calls him disrespectful and petty, and tells him not to ever call her again. She stomps to her brother's car pissed off, who is apparently accompanying her to the party tonight.

At Derek's party, Kelli brought that random ass dude she met the other night - and good for her. Relationships can start just as well from the club as anywhere else - and for some reason Molly is wearing a black dress with random red armbands attached. And Tiffany is so fucking extra bougie as usual, like, she is simply not a sympathetic character. I can't with her Lori Greiner blonde wig and gratuitous bragging about how much she loves her man. How is anyone friends with her?

Anyway there is a random aside about how Kelli thought "Sweetie" was just going to be some strange, but she's meeting his parents at the mosque next week. Okey dokey. Dro shows up with his wife. While she's getting a drink he takes a moment to compliment Molly in Spanish. Remember Eric Jerome Dickey on Black People in California and how you could tell a black woman was upwardly mobile if she was fluent in spanish? (I have a friend who works in IR who once commented offhandedly that you only need to know spanish to liaise with poor people, and if you want to mingle with the wealthy you need to know French and/or Chinese. At the time I thought it was horribly offensive but now I know she was right.) Candace is awkward around Molly which does suggest she is aware and knows that her open marriage has led to her husband sleeping with this woman. Also this is apparently Dro's favorite dress which explains that, I suppose. Candace is wear a feathered burgundy cape, affixed to her shoulders with, apparently, double sided tape. I repeat: okey dokey.

Oh damn. That space is nice:

Tiffany signals for an extra toast, clinging the glass with a knife, to announce dinner is served. She makes Molly move from the seat she chose, putting her awkwardly seated at the head of the table. Issa and her brother arrive, and he's such a good buffer. Issa makes note of Candace and checks in with Molly about it. "What's up with y'all?" her brother asks. "Nothing, I'm fine, she grown," Issa says in one breath.

Lawrence's ridiculous ass shows up - in a nice denim button up - trying to ignore everyone aghast at him bringing a random date to this friends only event. He claims he didn't know it would be a sit down event, and everyone awkwardly makes room to accommodate his guest. See? Extra. None of this needed to happen. Lawrence decides to address the elephant in the room and introduces Arpana, who makes a crack about knowing how awkward she's made things. Yeah, that doesn't work when you knew full well in advance the circumstances were going to be awkward. But everyone is adults and they try to laugh it off. Issa orders a whiskey.

Mid-dinner. They are having lovely pretentious cultural conversation. When Molly tries to chime in everyone ignores her. She feels very left out and alone. J from ABG asks Lawrence why he's there, basically, and has to be informed that they all know each other because Lawrence is Issa's ex. By the next cut of passage of time, Issa is drunk.

The dinner continues awkwardly: Tiffany is fucking annoying, Issa's brother is a bitchy gay, and Issa is poor. Nobody's showcasing their best self, I think. When the conversation shifts to Issa's building being sold, there is a moment of Lawrence openly pining about how he and Issa used to live together. When Tiffany makes a toast to "the Barack to her Michelle" - so extra - Issa drunkenly comments about Lawrence's random. Enough being enough, Issa walks out. Lawrence follows. Oh boy.

He lies that he wouldn't have brought Arpana if he knew Issa would be there. She calls him out as being full of shit and tells him she knows he's just parading that girl in front of their friends. Also, she knows that he blocked her. Lawrence admits it, because he couldn't "stand to see pictures of the nigga you fucked" while they were together. The fact that Issa wasn't the one who posted them - parading around someone in Lawrence's face as it were - and that he accuses her of still fucking Daniel, as if that's any of his business, is more than enough to clarify that Lawrence is in the wrong here. It's all about his hurt feelings and what Issa did to him or owes him; that she would still be wronging him to see someone else after they broke up. He's bullshit, basically.

When Issa doesn't refute this, Lawrence lets his insecure flag fly freely and asks who else she fucked while they were together. Issa's voice breaks as she asks whether he's serious, especially since he fucked her while he was dating his bank teller. "And being some fake music producer's jump off is better?" Lawrene spits back. And... jump off? Are we still saying that? Also, he's hitting way below the belt whereas Issa was not. This is something that I suppose is an inherent misogyny in the black community that frankly at this point is no longer normal to me and is almost unforgivably egregious. So at this point I don't blame Issa for hitting back that Daniel has "way more going on than Woot Woot."

They both know that Issa has hit him below the belt now too, so they both go for broke: Issa asks whether all this was worth her supporting him for two years while he was depressed, and Lawrence counters that it is worth about as much as all the time she "spent being a fuckin' ho." And, again. Maybe I'm too far removed. But I can't see having anything else to do with someone who showed up with, I'm sorry it has to be said, an exotical to your black friendship group, calling your ex girlfriend a ho, and stomping off in a petulant rage. You couldn't come back from that for me, but that's just me. If you want to make the argument that Issa cheating on Daniel is equivalent to Lawrence mooching off Issa and doing nothing with his life with two years (WHO WAS PAYING ALL THOSE LIFESTYLE BILLS, MOTHERFUCKER?) and trying to hurt her by flaunting a new relationship in her face, I may be biased, but I don't think there's much room for redemption there.

Back at the party, Molly follows Dro to the bathroom and he already knows where her head is. Molly admits she wasn't expecting not being able to see him with his wife, and how left out she feels knowing that he won't ever be that way with her. Being someone's dirty little secret isn't fun. Dro convinces her that they have something too, and she lets him fuck her on the bathroom sink. I hope I am never this desperate for affection. And I'm not being hard on Molly, really. But I think she's being very foolish with her emotions and it's hard for me to understand why she would put herself in this position, knowingly aware every step of the way that she's setting herself up for failure. Case in point: Dro asks her to wait for a moment and let him leave the bathroom first. Still, inexplicably, Molly is hurt by this. Girl, please. You wanna play that big girl's game, but on your big girl panties then. She steps out to find Issa waiting for the bathroom. Issa wordlessly straightens Molly's bangs and zips up her dress and Molly thanks her, for her nonjudgment.

Lawrence is driving Arpana back and she asks whether he still wants to get drinks. He doesn't answer.

Molly finally calls her mom back, and tells her she just needed some time. She asks why Mom stayed with Dad, and Mom replies that she just loves him. Apparently Molly is in the same headspace and asks how she deals with the hurt. I don't want to be redundant and point out that Molly's hurt is unreasonable, because on some level I do suppose that's insensitive. But, I just don't have any sympathy for this. We all do shitty things. But you can't ask me to feel bad for the consequences of your shitty things when you are fully aware what you are doing is harmful to you. If I'm doing something that hurts, I figure my options are to keep doing it and stop whining, or to stop fucking doing it. When she gets home, Molly responds to Dro's scheduling text that she can't do this anymore but we all know it rings hollow.

Issa comes home to a letter on her door informing her of her rent increase, and it's finally too much.

Her experimenting with ho-ness turned out to be a bigger blow to her self esteem than she could handle, and she's clearly stung behind Lawrence calling her a ho. That's what she was trying to do, right? But in reality it didn't work out so well. Her side pieces were not pliable enough, the one guy she was seeing relatively seriously compared to the others deliberately humiliated her, and her ex that she had partially built a life with devalued the time they spent by diminishing her as the thing she was afraid of being seen as - a tool, a joke, a ho. She kicks a chair then just lashes out entirely, breaking dishes, throwing tables, smashing furniture.

#issa rae #insecure hbo

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