#drawing this to make me feel better about procrastinating on uni work lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nightroo · 2 years

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I’m procrastinating working on the next chapter of my comic by... sketching the main characters lol

Their anatomy is kinda off bc I didn’t sketch before “lineart”. Also on Abigail I added the legs after I finished the torso completely... I do love how their faces ended up looking. They both look very serious and cool.

I also ironed out a style for flowing fabric when I drew Abe. There’s going to be a type of entity that has a lot of fabric like that, and I didn’t really know how to make it interesting up until now. From Shep’s drawing I found a way to render liquid that makes it look magical. The liquid on their hand was supposed to be water but I... don’t know how to render water in this style lmao so I winged it and it looks nice so I kept it I would also like to apologize for disappearing, both from my blog and my comic. I have a lot of things to figure out with uni (finding a good place to stay at is hell, literally all the websites are fucking broken in some way) and that stuff is time sensitive so it takes priority. I’ve been working on the next chapter and I’m at the final stages (just backgrounds left). In general I aim to post once a month, and whenever I miss a month I feel really bad, but I need to remember that I have about a million other things I do, and the style I use for the comic is pretty detailed. I don’t want to rush it. It will take years to finish, but I’m content with that. I don’t talk about it much but (and here’s a trigger warning for suicidal thoughts)

I’ve been suicidal for a very long time now. Death is both something I’m afraid of and find comfort in. I’m afraid that I will leave nothing behind me, and be forgotten. That my death won’t have an effect on anyone. I started really getting into art when my mental illnesses got worse, and when I felt like every day is the same, and it’s not worth it for me to keep going, I told myself “there is no one out there that will tell the stories in your mind. You must keep going.“ and I kept going. And I’m at a better place, with people I care about and who care back. I have more reasons to go on now, but I will always remember the story that made me keep on fighting. And I still fight, and sometimes lose, but I won’t let the fucking illness in my head win.

I uh... don’t know why I started talking about this. I think I just wanted to say it here since I use this blog as a sort of journal, a record of my process. Maybe I wanted to leave this for when I’m gone. One amazing thing about being an artist is that you leave so much behind you when you die.

To know that I leave something behind makes death less scary. For better or for worse, considering I’m still suicidal maybe I should be more afraid of death lmao

Alright enough depressing shit. Probably shouldn’t post this online for everyone to see but it’s not as if I never talked about this lol.

#Daughter Of Death #abigail #shep #original art #I'm back on my rambling bullshit #the atmosphere is very nice #and the rendering style in general #i might use it again in the comic for like gritty moments #the brush I used has nice textures for that

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kyutown · 3 years

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Good evening my liege! 💖 I was intrigued to find out about you while diving deeper into tumblr hell so, I am here with a plead to ship me with nct and svt, of you'd be so kind ✨

Alright so for starters, I'm an infp! I'm a generally well-mannered person with people I meet for the first time, borderline sweet and awkward at the same time. I like not to overinvest in first meetings with people and sometimes I think I am somewhat defensive of myself. My emotions always show on my face, both the good and the bad ones. So if someone does say something that I find offensive or whatnot, it SHOWS. I generally hate rude and offensive people all together, as well as people who are vulgar if we're not well acquainted first.

I'm not good at starting conversations and I usually just tend to listen to my friends talk most of the time. It's not like I have nothing to say but I really like listening to my favorite people ramble on about things they love or generally talk about their lives. Im a pretty good listener and I am always objective, even with my family. I won't hold back and I will give you my honest opinion in every case. I always try to see from all perspectives, maybe that's why I'm often somewhat indecisive.

That being said, I really don't shut up about things I love or my hobbies. I'm usually the mood maker of the group as I hate conflict and tension. I am a very sarcastic and cynical person in general and that reflects on my humor, which can vary from vulgar to very dark and inappropriate. Yes, the type of person that will try to hold in their laughter cause I made a mental joke to a funeral. I love witty, stimulating and deep conversations. I'm not that big on casual chitchat but it's okay most of the time I guess.

I'm the personification of open-minded and im also quite opinionated and I can back up my arguments if needed but I tend to avoid getting into heated conversations cause again, my mind reads it as tension. I love being around friends doing nothing and everything but most of the time, I find alone time to be very healing for my mind and soul. I find authenticity and weird little quirks that people have extremely attractive. I'm somewhat stubborn as well.

I also used to have stress and anxiety issues, not anything serious but enough that I had trouble sleeping at night. It was just a few years ago that I decided to not care about every single thing and have a more of a "fuck that" approach in life and honestly, I've never imagined that it would be so liberating. I regained my confidence, physically and mentally, it was an empowering process! I really do believe that self-exploring and healing is the no1 most important thing that someone can do. Love yourself first and foremost and fck what anybody thinks.

So, moving on xD I am a romantic and soft deep down, even though I try not to show sad emotions when around people. But you can be sure I cry at random rescuing dog videos, or videos with people helping each other. I love humanity but hate it at the same time? 😂 Idk if that makes sense, it is what I feel lol I love to learn new random stuff! I'm currently studying linguistics and uni and I aim to be a translator or interpreter, cause i love languages and the cultural differences that come with it. Hence my undying love for music of different genres and languages! Music relaxes me and I couldn't imagine going on without it for more than 3 days. While I do tend to listen to kpop which is more upbeat and experimental, I also LOVE Latin music and rock. I love love traveling around the world! My hobbies include drawing which I'm self taught, fashion and creative writing! I tend to daydream A LOT during the day and so many ideas pop up in my head. I love exploring other cultures' religions and beliefs as well as mythology. I always found it fascinating. I love plants as well! My room is basically a garden xD I also love mystical but also borderline creepy and gory stuff xD I call skulls "pretty" the same way I would call a puppy "cute" 🤣 I'm aware οf that but I can't help but enjoy the look of horror in people's faces xD

oh, I really enjoy observing people as well! Not in a weird way! Their mannerisms, the way they speak, their features. I also love thriller and horror movies the most as well as dark social drama ones. You know, with murders, suicides etc I like how in even the tiniest ways they depict our society as people and frankly, it's sad but I try to be optimistic and keep a positive approach in life. I also really appreciate stand-up comedy xD

Closing up this huge essay, some last things xD I, and I cannot stress this enough, am unable to flirt. Like at all. I can't even maintain eye contact for more than two Seconds. I wish I was kidding. Sadly I'm not 😂Weird thing is, turns out I am actually able to flirt but I'm not aware I'm doing it?? I'm a master at text flirting apparently lololol. What I am, is also called DENSE AS SHIT when it comes to couple things. True story, if you want to do the freaky with your s/o and you need me to leave the room you better TELL ME RIGHT TO MY FACE or else, we gon be there aaaaall night xD And its actually a remarkable feature of mine, considering how dirty minded I usually am lol

I also think I'm touch starved sometimes, like I really like hugs and cuddling and teasing but I'm not gonna ask for it🥺I'm a night owl and I tend to procrastinate a lot. I can't work efficiently if there's not a deadline, like I need that pressure on me in order to function xD My weak spot is actually to act whiny and needy and cutely in front of me. I can do ANYTHING that u ask me of when this happens. And if I show any resistance, JUST KEEP IT UP. I'm jelly on the floor when this happens. Idfk why, it just works?? My sister is abusing the sht out of this method 😭I can't say I make friends easily, cause I believe I do come off as maybe off-putting or weird at times, plus as I said if you're really cant shove your conversation in my face the first time we meet, imma be just an awkward ball of giggles and smiles and "can I go home now pls" 🤣 My general aesthetic / vibes would be sunsets on beaches, soft grunge, cottage core, lofi and hedge witch aesthetics!

Okay so, I think that's everything and probably way more than u needed, so thank you for reading everything my stupid ass wrote❤️

hi! thank you for responding!

for nct, i think yuta would be a nice fit! yuta also likes rock as his favorite band is one ok rock which is a rock band. i feel like you guys would always listen to music (not always rock) and would enjoy making time go by like this!

for seventeen, i think you would match well with the8! the8 would be the type to enjoy exploring new cultures with you and new religions, he would also love to dress up with you and put together outfits with you!

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quarantingz · 4 years

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seven things i’ve learned so far in quarantine

wednesday, 29 april on my longer-than-what-i’m-usually-allowed lunch break

This entry stemmed from a prompt I had written on one of my contemplative yet meditative roadside walks a while back. Looking up at the trees and unabashedly into the windows of houses I’d pass, jotting down in messy prose what I see and describing it in detail in my Notes app. Revisiting places in my community that both look and feel familiar and observing them closely as if I’m getting to know them again for the first time has been a new-found hobby of mine as of late.

So I present to you, an elaborate list of seven things I’ve learned so far and everything in between, whilst in quarantine:

Accepting, learning to be okay with and I’d even go as far as saying dancing with loneliness. This is a funny one. I realised after my breakup that I was taken for majority of my adolescence. At least the years where I was still learning how to be an adolescent. This meant that I based a lot of my decisions and sometimes even my happiness on the person I was with. Being the fragile, reserved and passive teenager I was, there were instances where I let people step all over me and take advantage of me. I can say this without feeling an ounce of bitterness now because they’ve already happened. I’ve already borne them. I got out of that labyrinth essentially. I think it’s important to look back on our past selves (and I’ve noticed my peers do the same which is amazing) as we tend to look over our growth and forget to give ourselves credit for overcoming hurdles that at the time seemed insurmountable but in hindsight (to quote Alyssa hehe) now seem trivial. I guess the challenges we go through get harder as we grow up. Like in a video game where the quests increase in difficulty the closer you get to finishing it. Anyway, I digress, so my point is that I got used to having someone to vent to when something particularly exciting or devastating happened to me. While I do think it’s important to open up to someone and not be shy about seeking comfort from them, we can only really rely on ourselves at the end of the day. It’s during these moments of solitude that we’re not influenced by anyone or anything. Perfect for self-reflection.

Doing things “while I remember” them. I thought to myself every now and then that if I had a memoir the title of it would be “While I Remember.” I think I can speak for both myself and Alyssa that we operate on to-do lists on top of to-do lists. To me personally, it was all a matter of quantity over quality. If I didn’t write something down the moment I thought of it, it’ll leave me entirely. As an easily-side tracked procrastinator, I loved putting things off in pursuit of something else that seemed more immediate. But for the last 2 weeks, I found myself taking the initiative to just do something while I remember and while I can. Like if an opportunity to do my laundry when it’s sunny out arises, then just take it. I guess this links to intuition as well. Relying more on intuition when I do things on a daily basis rather than thoroughly thought-out to-do lists has made me feel good recently.

Active listening, being more attentive and sensitive to people and things. At a time where everything seems to demand our attention, I thought I’d never be able to focus on one thing ever again, whether that’s an episode of a TV show, a podcast or a video. Whenever I get some down time I’d put a film on, deceiving myself that I’ll watch the damn thing when I know I’ll just go on my phone anyway. About two weeks ago though, to my surprise, I managed to watch BlacKkKlansman without getting distracted which is worth scoffing at as it shouldn’t even be considered a feat lol. ANYWAY, let me ineffectively segue into mindfulness – something I’m still trying to get better at each waking day but find myself adopting more in daily activities, whether mundane or taxing. Like when I’m working out or stretching, I try to really focus on the physical sensations I’m feeling as I bend and manoeuvre my body in different forms and motions. Being mindful of my breathing, in for 8 seconds, hold, then out for 8 seconds or so, while doing a child’s pose or that yoga pose that I don’t quite know the name of where you place one bent leg on the other, kind of squatting back and putting your hands together as though you’re praying. Back straight, chest out and finding one spot in front of you to focus on as to maintain balance. Or when I’m running and my breathing starts to increase in tempo – inoutinoutinout, but surprise myself that I somehow haven’t fainted and collapsed on the ground 4 kilometres in. Which brings me to my next bulletpoint:

I learned that I can do almost anything so long as I put my mind to it. Like the fact that I and you too can make any edible substance from scratch, be it a tortilla, challah (Jewish braided bread) or buttermilk. Or even something inedible like a shelf. Although I don’t have the willpower to cross that one off my list yet. Going back to my observation of mindful running, I’ve also been describing my fitness progress to a few people as “running becoming second nature that it almost feels like walking.” I think that’s beautiful. How our bodies can quickly adapt to strenuous movement with training. That being said I also learned the importance of:

Rest (I’m looking at you Alyssa! Haha jk). It’s so easy to get into the rhythm of things and forget to take a breather. I’ve had my fair share of these “poor practices” in the last few years. Like doing uni work for 5 hours straight without drinking water, eating or even doing as little as getting up or looking at something that isn’t forcing blue light into my eyes for a couple of minutes, slumped over my laptop and later complaining about having a perpetually sore back. Also to bring it back to running again, insisting to my sister but more to myself that I can keep running even though my shins are practically crying out for rest. I know it’s hard to pause and take a break when you’re on a roll but resting proactively, rather than as a last resort after we’ve crashed, is integral to the function of our bodies. This book called Why We Sleep highlights that if sleep wasn’t so important then why has it evolved up to this point where we still need at least 7 hours of it for optimal physical and mental health as well as daily performance? Alyssa and I have tackled hustle culture a few times on this blog but it’s so important that we keep coming back to it. Then again we’re so hypocritical because we always seem to remind our loved ones to rest but we hardly ever do ourselves hehe. We’re getting there! No pressure.

Resourcefulness and/or as I like to call it “working with what you have.” I have been very adamant about cooking using ingredients we already have on hand as opposed to finding a recipe and flocking to the supermarket to get all the ingredients on the list. Hell, I sometimes even draw mind maps of meal ideas that share as many components with each other to make sure I get the most out of my money. I think I really did age 20 years since not being with my parents for 3 months, speaking of which, I think this turned out to be a blessing as it made me more intuitive and understanding of the struggle my mum used to, not really complain about but she sure wanted us to hear, that it’s hard to think of what to cook for dependants sometimes [most of the time]. Hats off to all mums out there doing the leg work for us!

Lastly, and I think this point actually ties everything I said together into a neat bow, I learned that life is indeed what you make of it. Emphasis on the doing word “make” as we often tend to be lived by external events and our thoughts when in reality, although these can attack us from different directions, we can choose whether we’ll let them affect us. I recently learned more about the Greek philosophy of stoicism which is living by the fact that “we don’t control and cannot rely on external events, only ourselves and our responses.” Again I think that’s beautiful. Hard to practice but beautiful nonetheless.

I’ll end this one with a line by Ottessa Moshfegh which I think encapsulates how I view and treat this quarantine period (or at least try to):

“Here is how I spend my days now. I live in a beautiful place. I sleep in a beautiful bed. I eat beautiful food. I go for walks through beautiful places. I care for people deeply. At night my bed is full of love, because I am alone in it. I cry easily, from pain and pleasure, and I don’t apologise for that. In the mornings, I step outside and I’m thankful for another day. It took me many years to arrive at such a life.”

- p

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hitsugikuro-blog · 7 years

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tagged~

From @thedarkestcrow , thank you for tagging me!

1. How has your opinion of yourself changed over the years?

I’m definitely more confident and easygoing than I was as a teenager/young adult. I was an only child and had a period of severe self-esteem issues brought on by bullying that took me a long time to overcome. But I got help, worked through my issues and am now relatively healthy! Or as healthy as a huge geek can be I guess. xD

2. If you had to pick one book to read for the rest of your life, which book would you pick?

JUST ONE??? What kind of sadistic question is this?

If it isn’t cheating, I’d opt for The Lord of the Rings trilogy because I’ll probably never get tired of reading them. If not... whatever. NEXT QUESTION?

3. What’s your favorite season? Do you have a particular reason for liking it?

I love Fall/Autumn because of the warm colors and the relief that comes from summer turning to cooler weather. There’s just something about the season that’s magical and makes me want to drink cocoa and cider and go for long walks. Plus it has Halloween, which is the best holiday. :)

4. What’s your favorite thing to do when you want to relax?

Put on a calm playlist and play a game. I’m a big fan of collection or repetition games where I don’t have to engage my brain too much but I still feel like I’m doing something. I’ve never been the type of person who can just like... draw a bath and soak for a while. I get bored too easily and then I’m not relaxed anymore. ^^;

5. Do you consider yourself lazy?

Eeeeh, it depends on the day? I’m pretty self-motivated but sometimes I just say screw it and let things slide until I decide to pick them up again. There’ve definitely been days where I’ve skipped doing laundry or cooked for myself when I really should have. And I’ve procrastinated on projects and papers before. But it’s not something I chronically do.

6. What’s your view on morality?

Everyone’s morality is different but there are some universal truths to it. My personal view is that everything is fine as long as it isn’t actively causing trauma to yourself or someone else, whether it’s physical, mental or emotional. This might seem like a very relaxed stance on morality but eh, I think people jumping down one another’s throats and arguing over minor details that really don’t matter in the long run is more harmful than not. You might disagree with someone and judge them for it, but you probably do things they judge you for too so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

7. When are you most productive? 

Afternoons, evenings and nights. I’m not a morning person and it takes me about two hours and a couple cups of coffee or tea to wake me up every day lol.

8. Do you have any strong opinions about things most people don’t think much about?

Just fandom things, probably? Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions though, so idk if I’d call mine ‘strong’.

9. How do you handle stress?

Usually by throwing myself into something that will distract me from the stress, whether it’s music or a good book or a good meditation session or whatever I’m feeling like. If none of that’s available I do my best to remove myself from whatever’s causing the stress and allow myself to come down from it. I don’t get extremely stressed very often though, luckily enough.

10. What would your ideal world be like?

I’m gonna have to go with the typical response of a kinder, gentler world than we live in now. If everyone had more compassion for one another and squabbled less over petty differences it would be so much better. Also just less greed and power lust in general. People could still have their differences and their unique identities, but I dunno... I just feel like if more people realized that they could be happier by not being quite so selfish, it would do a lot of good.

Extra Questions:

1.) What’s one story that you want to write/create but won’t (or haven’t yet)?

I’ve started writing like 10 different books before but never got that far with them. I’m better at coming up with ideas and bouncing them off of other people than sitting down and writing out an entire work from scratch.

2.) What’s an interesting moment of self-discovery in your life?

When I realized that happiness is attainable when you’re doing something positive with your life, even if it’s something small. Greatness and renown aren't as important as touching the lives of the people around you; friends, family and strangers alike.

3.) Dream job?  

Forensic Anthropologist, hands down. I majored in physical anthropology and took a heavy load of science courses and I loved it. One of my professors was really into criminology as well and gave us really interesting lab work related to forensics. Plus, it’s usually benefitting the families of missing persons. If I ever go back to Uni for a Masters degree I think that’s what I’m going to aim for.

4.) What’s a book/movie/show that has had a large influence on you?

Oh man, I dunno if I can just pick one. This probably won’t come as a surprise after that last question but I was an avid reader of Sherlock Holmes and other detective novels as a kid. My parents and grandparents let me read anything as long as it was classic literature, so I read all of the Sherlock stories when I was 8 - 10. As far as movies go, I also loved the Indiana Jones series and it got me really into studying history and different cultures. And I guess anime and manga, in general, has influenced me a lot and helped cement that desire to travel and learn another language.

5.) Has music ever changed your life, or at least your outlook on life?

Yes, definitely! Some songs have always stuck with me and I still find songs with lyrics that impact me in some way. Music is a powerful way to convey messages (haha, Blue Sect Arc got it 100% right) and invoke emotion in people.

6.) Imagine you’ve become an established author/artist/creator. What would you want the fandom for your works to be like?

I would want them to be chill and nonargumentative with one another, but I know that’s only like a .0001% probability. Maybe if I had a fandom of like 5 people it’d be okay.

7.) Same scenario as #6. What would the fandom actually be like?

Probably like every other fandom out there. Mostly casual consumers but a good chunk that’s very invested. A smaller chunk of those would be the ones that rock the boat and make everyone unhappy.

8.) What’s a subject that you think should be taught in schools but typically isn’t taught at all?

It might sound odd, but responsible money management and how to save for retirement. Responsibly managing my money was one of the biggest issues I had to overcome when I went to University and was living on my own, and it was the same for quite a few of my friends. I think the spending lifestyle in America is mostly to blame for this, and businesses want to make as much money as they can off of the public so I doubt a class like that will ever be implemented. But it would be nice if we taught kids and teens how to live comfortably without being so materialistic. I think things are slowly changing on their own though, and the youngest generations are realizing this (see: all the whining about Millenials ‘killing’ everything lol).

9.) What’s a subject that you think should be taught differently in schools from how it usually is?

Difficult to say! I don’t know how schools in other states handle all of their subjects, but the ones I went to had a few issues. I think math and algebra are in the one area that’s most often complained about. In my experience, I either had an excellent teacher or an amazingly awful one with no exceptions. Which is a shame because algebra can be interesting and fun if the teacher enjoys the subject and has good lesson plans.

10.) Are there any patterns in your interests/works that wouldn’t be immediately obvious to an outside observer?

I really don’t look like the type of person who’d be into the things I’m into, I suppose? I’m just your average, small person who dresses in T-shirts, jeans, and trainers with earbuds in. ^^;;

And that’s it! Tagging @lapyn @beautifulbloomingblossoms @trollintrancy @justanotherfandomjunkie along with anyone else who’d like to answer it.

#not kuro related #about me #questions #tagged

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