#feel a lot lighter though

[lousiee]

metaphorically threw up my emotions that ive been feeling 4 th past couple years

#funky feelings #feel a lot lighter though #like everythings gone off of my chest #and everyone is gonna know what he did #after this im gonna draw for a week and make dinner every day #gonna talk to my friends and tell them i love them #collectivetalks #toby speaks #AND TELL MY PARTNER ILOVE THEM #his snores r so adorable btw i had 2 be so quiet but i like almost sobbed out of cuteness aggression

[laesas]

The hands holding yours are not clean either.

VegasPete + Hands || KinnPorsche (2022)

#Disclaimer: I have very complicated feelings about this show and this couple after everything that's happened over the past month #I actually started these in late december for a friends birthday but the colouring ended up so complicated I didnt get it done #and while I'm still untangling how I feel about the fandom and fan culture and the whole situation (tldr: bad sad parasocially betrayed lol #I was so proud of these for my 3rd ever gifset the absolutely insane amount of time I spent on the colouring and masking against shaky shot #like I genuinely had to keyframe adjust about 8 different overlapping layers frame-by-frame for at least 1 of these lol #and perhaps selfishly: I need to post bc I can't bring myself to work on new sets while this was staring back at me every time i opened PS #And I'm proud of it and it meant a lot and even though the shape of the fandom and friendships have changed its still worth something to me #anyway. enough rambling. on to the actual tags lol #VegasPete #kinnporche the series #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #asiandramasource #asianlgbtqdramas #lgbtedit #vegas kp #pete kp #idk idk idk I feel like this is my one last little love letter to these silly little characters that meant a lot to me #and to the friends that inspired it too #on a lighter note: the caption is an adapted taemin lyric and the colours were inspired by the criminal MV lmao #so like lol its not that deep :') #aaaand post. #bee.gif #kpts

[icewindandboringhorror]

I can't do much productively during the heat wave/health issue flare up/etc. like work on my games or anything where I have to sit at the computer/type for long periods of time, BUT.. I did passively sculpt a few tiny foods lol. I wanted to do one of my bigger usual sculptures, but those take so much more time and concentration, I thought something small just to keep my hands busy would be better.. close up photos look kind of weird and blurry from my camera settings or something, but overall they came out okay, especially in person.. Nearly the only reason I ever wanted to buy dolls as a kid was to get my hands on the miniature foods and plates and stuff that came with them, I've always just been obsessed with small versions of things like that, so.. why not make some! lol

#sculpture #ooops.. i could have posted this on the art blog but I forgor and do not feel like reuploading everything #into a new drafted post on a whole other blog.. not in this heat.. i have no patience lol #items are: tomato. asparagus. a four leaf clover (not food lol). some sort of folded bun or dumpling with meat inside (not based on #anything specific. I just wanted to fold a flat sheet of clay into a shape). pomegranate. cheese wheel. lemon slice. some sort of mushroom. #fish (not a real one. just made up. if it looks like any specific fish that'd be interesting). and fig. #I haven't been able to get many avocaodo pits to carve again. so sculpting. then is good for a tiny craft #WISH I COULD DO COSTUMES OR SOMETHING.. i have some pikced out. bundles of clothes laying on the floor of the closet #but GODS even before the heat wave it's just been so warm.. I know.. it's the summer. of course it's warm #but WHYYYyy............. what if it just snowed all year around and was awesome and beautiful and i was so cold and could wear 25 blankets #at all times.. what about THAT hmm?? .. the ideal.. #anyway.. my favorite is the pomegranate and the mushroom maybe #The fig is hard because in the pictures of figs I googled a lot of them have that sort of white powdery type of thing on the outside #that grapes and plums and stuff have sometimes and it's hard to convey that weird like.. sheen.. plus the purple with almost powdery blue #and little lighter specks plus streaks of light green and a little orangey on some of them. #It's okay in person I think but this doesnt show up as much in pictures. The cheese also looks betterin person than images. you can't tell #the slight shine in the pictures lol. but the pomegranates look cool and also photograph decent.. hmm #I should have made toast with an egg on it or something. that would be a nice addition #OH ALSO ASPARAGUS MY BELOVED.. though they look a little wonky. the cuticle pusher tool that I sculpt with in leiu of any actual sculpting #tools has a kind of triangle edge that was suite for the little leaf details of the asparagus so that was cool. its like..ALMOST right lol

[kismetmoon]

lapdog, always was and always will be

[ID: a digital drawing of an original stylised Flatland character named Atlas on a dark beige background.

Atlas is a light grey isosceles triangle with one eye with a star-shaped pupil, a bushy eyebrow, chips in his top and bottom right corner, scars in his side and across his eye, navy limbs and a black tail with a V-shaped tip.

He is stood with one leg crossed behind the other and his right arm held behind his back. His tail is curled to the left. His left hand is held out in front of him, offering up a silver lighter to a hand on the right with a cigarette holder trailing smoke. The hand belongs to another character, named Chief. The lighter’s flame is shaped like a heart, and Chief’s hand is dark grey with a cufflink. Atlas is looking at the flame and hand with a half-lidded, soft expression.

There is a slight pinkish tint laid across the entire image, with the only noticeable source of strong colour being the red, orange and yellow of the lighter’s flame.

End ID].

#something something atlas inadvertently encourages chief’s bad behaviours #here it’s shown in him being the one to pull out the lighter for the cigarette but it’s in a lot of other aspects too #in small ways he stands behind everything chief does. good and bad #bc that’s all he knows how to do anymore #even though he thinks what he’s doing for Chief rn is out of free will he’s still (literally) bowing down to him #but still views him through rose-tinted glasses. even if the feeling isn’t wholly mutual #regurgitating what i said about this piece bc i am unoriginal 😁👍 #iykyk #flatland #oc #atlas huntsworth #chief jr. #tw smoking #tw fire

[hel7l7]

No one ever said that it was gonna be easy

#the first oc story i ever wrote when i was like 13 had this as title lmao #but it is true #sometimes recovery is harder than staying stuck #in the end it will probably be worth it though #it will #i mean i'm struggling a lot again #with things i thought i was past #things i do not really talk about #but i know i've gotten through it before #and it wasn't easy then and it won't be ease noy #now* #but as long as we get out on the other side feeling a little lighter it is all fine

[maryoliverdotcom]

thinking about how i love murakami’s writing & narrative style, the way he subtly catches the reader’s attention etc etc & and at the same time despise the way he writes women & sex scenes. thinking about how i’m starting to appreciate him while hating the misogyny in his writing, & simultaneously recognising how his culture & upbringing played a major role in forming his misogynistic views & also understanding that he's a man before he's a writer &c &c........

#i have a lot of Thoughts about murakami & his writing #he loves kawakami's feminist works but then again......the way he describes women & their bodies....& also the bland sex scenes....... #the way his limited knowledge (or lack thereof) of female anatomy really shines through....... #but then again. he's rich. famous. the most celebrated writer of japan. brought up amidst the japanese patriarchal society #& hugely male-centric culture. i get why he is the way he is (like 90% of the japanese male population -- not only japanese #-- one could say global population -- except he has a remarkable imagination & a somewhat different approach to the mundane) #so i don't really. side w either those who hate murakami or are obsessed w him. #i love & enjoy his work while simultaneously retaining the ability to recognise & call him out on his misogyny. #<- one reason why i respect & admire makeo kawakami #one should read her interview w murakami where she calls him out on his misogyny & murakami tries to deflect her (valid) points #on a lighter note though. “her breasts breasted breastily” is a phrase i was genuinely prepared to read in a murakami novel & #was surprised when i was unable to find it #anyway. needed to get this out of my system because damn i have some mixed feelings abt this man

[ssstrawberryflowers]

hmm. uh uhm hi yes hey hello again

here’s a uh (very) low effort Gabe doodle while i finish the released chapters on violent and try to think of a way to draw cool art of the game (i have literally only drawn sketches and ship art of this game) (its been 10 months since i got interested what the fuck)

#sorry for being absent for like. a month or something #‘im sick of social media numbers im going awol’ *starts missing showing my art to strangers online* #this site might be a hellhole or trashfire but i like it a lot :( #ultrakill gabriel #ultrakill #low effort #insane how i started missing a goddamn social media platform #yknow the thing everyone says they feel better without #glad i didn’t delete my blogs in the end lol #really though i did NOT feel lighter without this site and i think that says a lot about my dumb ass

[catominor]

This Years Thoughts On Reading. tbh

the past year i read a lot more than i had in quite some time. to be fair, i didn't finish most of the books i started, didn't start most of the books i want to read, and spent most of my time wasting time on social media still (i don't know why i can't stop doing this. i don't even enjoy it past a certain point). i didn't do well in my university classes. but for a really long time i've found it very difficult to read at all, even to read fiction. i read a lot of fiction (by my standards) this year, especially historical fiction set in ancient rome (though i also read some other good books, favorites among which are probably queer by william burroughs, night side of the river by jeannette winterson, and invisible cities by italo calvino. i also read quite a few short stories and a bit of poetry), i read or started /some/ nonfiction, i read or started /some/ ancient literature, and i had a poem and a short story published in my university's poetry journal and newspaper respectively...

but, really, i feel a little in over my head. i don't really feel like i can do this, by which i mean i still don't think i'm trying hard enough at university. i feel behind everyone else, despite the fact that since i've transferred to a different university having done 2 years before, i still have this and another year before i graduate. even though most of the people in my year will be 2 years younger than me i feel like i am behind them (did i mention that i did badly on my exams last year?)

especially before university i was never a particularly good student, honestly (i was like. a C average, though in my 3rd and 4th years of high school i started to try a little harder) and i think i spend a lot of time now fruitlessly wishing that i had tried harder and taken more of an interest in things. i still wish i tried harder. i still wish that passion was enough to fuel me to actually focus on filling out my historical reading. i wish i just didn't feel so stupid sometimes, honestly. sometimes i'll open a book that's a bit dense or technical and it just makes me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. i wish i was better at articulating my thoughts. i also wish i understood literary analysis or criticism. in a lot of ways now i feel dumber than i was a few years ago, and i don't know why.

#on a lighter note at least i can post about cato on here.even though i may be stupid i think i can be a little funny about history sometimes #tbh. books that made me feel stupid this year: thomas yingling's hart crane and the homosexual text. i tried to read this and it was #utterly incomprehensible to me. which was so sad because i absolutely adore hart crane he's my favorite poet. and also weird cause crane's #poems are also very obscure and hard to understand but one of the few things that makes me Not feel stupid is that i enjoy them and at leas #sort-of understand them to the degree one can (even people who study him admit that he is very difficult) #and books that made me kind of feel stupid but also feel like reading them was making me smarter: girard's violence and the sacred. i am #only like. 2 chapters into it and it takes me days to read one because it's so dense however it's one of those books that like. i can feel #it reordering the way i think about things. it's sooo fascinating and good and i started it cause i heard ppl talking about it on here #honestly i think a lot of my problems around the kind of thing in the post with school though is that i was always this person where everyo #would constantly tell me how well i could do if i would only try harder. but the problem is i just Couldnt try harder. i dont know why and #still dont know why i cant do it. it was constantly told to me that i had Potential. but i can never.actually access this supposed Potentia

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

Normal people: vent about their feelings in a diary or blog post

Me: makes a whole ass zine at nearly midnight

#okay so i was CONSIDERING the vent zine #and then um something and then i was like “yeah no i cant rest until i get this out” #so i sat down and made this vent zine that's gonna embarrass me next year lmao #am i okay? ... actually I'm trying to be okay now #I'm just questioning something about someone #sorry to keep referring back to That Thing it's just been on my mind a lot #even before that vent post for a while now i was wondering if everything really was okay. if it was making me okay. #because i dont want to be selfish and abandon someone when they need me. I've been abandoned before. #but it's been going on like this for a while and I'm taking too much of it in #i cant even see their name on my phone or like receive a message without going through mini heart attacks wondering if something's wrong- #-again and if i need to hear another drama again #it kind of feels uncomfortable as well in a way. like they're oversharing and that I'm not supposed to be knowing so much #maybe that's just me though. maybe im automatically distancing myself without realising it? #i dont know i just want to hide and not be so... involved i guess? #i think maybe I'm a person more suited to lighter friendships. or maybe there's been so much heaviness that this is just too much now #i dont know. i dont hate them at all but i wouldn't be too upset if they ghosted me (maybe thats just how i feel right now) #i dont know if I'm running away from my problems instead of trying to fix them or something #i have fixed them before. i have communicated and fixed issues before but this time i just cant anymore #okay that's enough rambling. it's midnight #mind you my zine does look pretty good. for a zine made out of a single sheet of paper and written/doodled on in black pen with a lil red #alright that's enough from me now. if you've stayed for this long go drink some water-i know you havent hydrated in ages #(says the woman who hasnt hydrated either-)

[unicornsaures]

i’m getting TOH all over my dash..i think the only time i’ve ever even watched the show itself was the morning after one of the most fever dream-like sleepovers of my life that i’m still not sure ever happened

#dolirants #some of my mooties like it though #that’s probably why #but still #its a bit funny #i’ve watched approx 2 episodes #don’t know who anyone is #i just know it’s like #magic shit #that sleepover was also insane #lots of lighters #and #i don’t rememebr #i just know we almost lit the house on fire #oops. #recurring theme with me #i was like #around 9 #and i think the girl who’s house i stayed at #i think she was #around 15 #i will never understand that night #ever #i feel like i made it all up in my head it’s wild #and then we just #woke up #and watched TOH #and i left #now that i think about it #i think that was also one of the first times i can remember disassociating

[falderaletcetera]

I'm only a few episodes into jodie whittaker era (my first time), but thirteen has a lightness to her that's reminding me of nine and, not gonna lie, I'm tearing up a bit. and I'll be really interested to see if the comparison holds when the stakes get more personal.

#doctor who #it's a really weird transition from twelve who I was Not a great fan of and who felt pretty casually dark a lot of the time #nine (imo) was dark inside this very deliberate and consistent kindness and lightness and I'm looking to see if that's what's going on here #though I'm unsure yet if thirteen is lighter (and tbh politer) or if that's my own biases. withholding judgement for now. #also an interesting transition from twelve-era: I'm getting the feeling we're back to a different style of space worldbuilding with this #which I'm very interested in even if the decision to establish that there are white supremacists in the far future is.......... #really not my favourite. I'm english that's how I express deep distaste. #it was fun for like five seconds to compare that guy to jack harkness and notice the differences #but nobody punched this guy in the face and dragged him off to face some sort of justice so it felt a bit unfinished you know? #I would have settled for seeing him suddenly face to face with a dinosaur with the camera cutting away mid-swear. given the circumstances. #(I have perhaps been watching too many shows where repugnant people get punched in the face! this is the opposite of a problem.) #that was a tangent upon a tangent; apologies #falderal speaks #hi I'm still half-asleep and very distracted at any given time but i'll figure out how not to be eventually <3

[spiritofjustice]

Tazmily couples ranked by how cute they are (they’re all S tier except Pusher/Elmore and Lisa/Thomas)

#Psy's no punctuation posts #mother tag #all the couples are just soo cute though... #Abbot/Abbey and Paul/Linda are my top favorites though obviously #but man they're all cute or at the very least interesting #Matt/Jill seems charming too. Matt seems like he'd be a very goofy husband and I'm sure Jill thinks he's the cutest and funniest man ever #Jonel and Brenda seem like they'd have that old married couple vibe but i genuinely think they could be cute sometimes #Ed/Nan has a similar charm of Paul/Lin to me though it's still different. can't put into words why #and Lisa/Thomas is iffy to me because Thomas is kind of a creep... idk #i feel bad for Lisa it seems like she just gets annoyed by him? they should divorce KRGHF #and Pusher and Elmore are like. they are not cute at most they would be extremely funny together #petty bitches together. and also to each other. not healthy they're just together for appearances #(also i. ofc hc Elmore as a lesbian myself) #there's also a lot of rly cute potential couples too but i don't want to muddy the waters #but i am also biased towards Lighter/Caroline and of course Abbot/Abbey/Paul/Linda. and maybe Ollie/Sebastian or Ollie/Isaac idk #also Flint/Hinawa obviously very good. i am ALL over ships with upbeat women with quiet men. considering how hard i stan Paul/Linda #(Ed/Nan also checks this box for me) #anyways i'm done KRHF #this post is 90% tags fml

[skinnymeanfaggot]

also

#im making huge huge changes in my life and i think the next logical step would be to cut off jamie. ive already been ghosting him but thats #just me avoiding the problem. i just like. it feels fucked to be like hey i told you i was ok with what you did but i Changed my mind #i just think like. i have next to no contact with him and i feel fucking fantastic. we talk like every couple months on the rare occurrence #he can text and then i answer in vague short sentences and ghost. and now that i finally have firm boundaries with him and havent engaged #with him sexually its like. i feel like basically all my ties are cut. and i feel like im ready to let go for the first time. like ive #always felt like i just wasnt ready but now i like i Am ready its just a matter of like. doing it. thats difficult. even though i know hell #accept it because hes matured. and like. idk. i think its fine like this #and idk i think its fine like this. being the absolute barest form of acquaintances. i cannot stress how little we interact and how little #affect he has on my life at this point outside of what happened in the past. like i am in a good place he is 99% cut off i just need to do #the last bit. but like also fuck. you know. its hard to kinda finish it off. and its also like ooh it would hurt his feelings but now i #fucking. dont care lol. after everything. with blue i realize every day just how much more respected i feel and less gross and shitty #even with being jamies friend which we never were because whenever i was single we were sexual. i just felt bad. i never wanted to fuck #either. and he would say he loved me and id be like hahaha yeahhhh and now that ive finally drawn that boundary and said he cant do that #anymore i feel so much lighter and i just feel so happy and safe with blue in a way ive never felt with jamie and its like. im almost there #i feel like i might be able to cut him off by the end of the year. and thats crazy to me. i just also have a lot of like shit to unpack #in general too also. with what he did. and i just have a lot. but i feel like im progressing

[crossbackpoke-check]

what are ur thoughts on the winners room trope?

ooooo okay surface level analysis: i like winner’s room fics :)

etwas tieferes: i think it’s cool that it’s (afaik) unique to hockey fandom and i enjoy the way it integrates a lot of unspoken rules in hockey with desire/makes them a physical/tangible reality… also the narrative potentials/world-building it opens up can be fun because there’s not really a set of rules for the “winner’s room” trope. are there in-universe rules? who gets chosen? who’s exempt? who gets to pick? where’s it going down? is it the entire room or one guy? what if your (ex)boyfriend is on another team? does somebody need to be taught a lesson or do you need to remind someone who got traded you still love them? also, most important, winner’s room gives you the chance to put two random-ass guys you saw interact for 0.002 seconds and went “hmmm. interesting” about into a Situation and i love that

#yeah buddy!! i love answering questions!!! unironically i have so many opinions!!!! #refraining from putting this in the main text but had to go: yeah who doesn’t love a good g*ngb*ng #it also doesn’t just have to be a bunch of dudes fucking though per always: i think winner’s room fics can bring up interesting dialogues #about the idea of bodily autonomy and self-sacrifice or sacrifice in sports #every fic can utilize a trope their own way so you might have lighter versions or heavier versions and #tw: sa #dub-con/CNC elements which. given the truth of SA and abuse in hockey it’s valuable to have tools to explore and i feel like i need to #address that when i talk about this? obvi dead dove do not eat for some fics re:winner’s room but i think a lot of them do talk about #control and power to some extent if you were to do a deep literary analysis. which we don’t need to. sometimes it’s enough to read a fic one #time because you liked the main pairing and didn’t know SHIT about the flyers and then come back to it years later and absolutely lose your #goddamn mind about the fact that actually you DID know about travis konecny before you thought you did and at one point there were all these #guys that you now know and love who were just like. random fuckers in the sides of the fic. i tend to do that a lot bc i will read for #nearly everything (if i love u. i will read your works even if i don’t know anything about the fandom and also i am always willing to jump #on new ships) so also tangentially i think winner’s room fics are a lot of fun because you can see a lot of different interactions between a #lot of guys like not only is it this guy and this guy but also this guy and that guy and these two interacting around the sacrifice etc etc #tangled web many layers und so weiter. not sure if any of that makes sense but also i’m gonna tag for mentions of sa/wjc/hockey canada stuff #i don’t even really know if winner’s room functions as well even in other sports bc of the Team Identity in hockey & cultural context #liv in the replies #winner’s room can be layered with SO many other kinks and tropes and aus and also just like. i like it & that’s probably all i needed to say #also obvi re: rules for trope there aren’t ever any there’s just some popular variations and we can kinda see some of those forming #but i’m not even sure if winner’s room has its own tag on the archive? i’d have to check i know i have a few saved in my bookmarks at least #OH also if you made it this far. wasn’t sure if this was like a ‘do u got recs’ or a ‘what’s your moral stance’ or ‘hey is this something ur #into’ so. good faith good vibes y’all and if this wasn’t what u meant please elaborate the question i do love answering things #ty for the ask!!!! #for the record i do watch hockey like the leonardo dicaprio pointing meme finding milliseconds of interaction to go HAHA GAY NARRATIVE about

[deepspaceclawstation]

I mostly stay away from the whole 'desi' bubble nowadays but I still get a post in the vein of 'just desi things' from time to time, and I can check out op's blog and be 100% sure to get either savarna bullshit, classism, or islamophobia

#That or misguided teenagers. or both. #Rant #If you want to adopt the pretty aesthetics you are going to have to do so along with the baggage of their problematic historical context #On a lighter note #I can excuse the toxic desi-hindu-hindi hegemony but do they have to expose me to their atrocious grammar and spelling #Guys stop misgendering inanimate objects #If you are going to force your language on other people at least be proficient in it yourself smh #Though tbh. I've found that most of these people (on this platform at least) are those who are themselves feeling #some sort of insecurity or disconnect from their 'culture' #and so they wholeheartedly throw themselves into the goal of bringing about some kind of cultural renaissance #or establishing a joint cultural identity which borrows heavily from their limited perspective of the status quo #So you'll see a lot of NRIs and diaspora people on here #It's different in some community spaces where the focus is more on 'othering the other' though they'd still try to #establish an in-group but their means to do so are varied

[arisatohamuko]

so i've been borrowing my brother's copy of pokemon scarlet while he's at work, playing it on and off...i'm not super far in it yet, i'm taking it really slow, but i have to say...even if there are a lot of things that i really don't like about the new games, y'all weren't lying about the plot being solid so far. i really am enjoying arven's story a lot, and i'm interested to see where the team star plot is going to go...that said, i still don't think i'm going to buy the game for myself, and i def don't have any plans to play the next generation when it comes out. there really is a lot of potential with this gen, but there's just so much missing that even if i am enjoying some parts of the game, it still leaves a weird taste in my mouth. idk, maybe i'm just getting old...

#more importantly though i don't want to support the company financially bc of how they're treating the devs #this kind of crunch is unacceptable imo and no matter how much i love pokemon i just can't stand by it like that #just...so many mixed feelings about this gen fr. i really don't know how to feel about it at all #...probably doesn't help that i lost my lifelong pokemon hyperfixation after the whole drama bomb that went down though lmfao #anyways. on a lighter note #i really like maushold a lot #move over marill. there's a new favorite rat in town.