#gotta wonder what it says about me

[amandaoftherosemire]

Thoughts on Thor: Love and Thunder

Finally got around to Thor: Love and Thunder and I have some notes. As did a lot of people it seems because this feels like a movie made by committee. The tone is all over the place, making it feel like someone insisted on taking two stories that do not mesh and trying to weave them together anyway.

I thought I was in for another technicolor fever dream from infamous madman Taika Waititi. I was, but that dream was bolted to an extremely dark story about the loss of faith in the face of death. As someone who likes BOTH Ragnarok and Dark World, if this was gonna work, it would have worked on me.

I don’t even know how to rate this one. There were things I genuinely liked, even loved. Thor, as always, is a ray of adorable sunshine. I loved the Jane as Thor plot line, for the most part. *sniff* Valkyrie is wonderful, of course, as is Korg. And I didn’t hate Christian Bale or the darker plot line; I just didn’t like it in this movie. The rest of the film is so jokey and silly, but the stakes of the conflict are insanely high, as are the consequences. There are many things to love. The problem is they don’t all go together.

And then there were the things that I genuinely hated.

So I HATE Russell Crowe. I do not have a good reason. There is simply something about his face, voice, and demeanor that brings forth a rush of anger, aggression, and the overwhelming urge to punch him in the face as hard as I can. I cannot explain it, but I have felt this way since I saw him in L.A. Confidential many, many years ago. Since then, I have learned that there is a German word for this impression of someone; backpfeifengesicht, or a face that is crying out for a fist in it. For me, Russell Crowe’s face is BEGGING me to destroy it with bare knuckles. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I spent all of L.A. Confidential distracted by the hostility I couldn’t help but feel toward this actor I’d never seen before. I don’t remember anything that happened in that movie because of the adrenaline pumping through my body in anticipation of a brawl. I have not watched a movie with Russell Crowe in it since L.A. Confidential, in more years than I’m going to admit. I had an epic streak going, but I broke it for Taika. Pfft.

I am not pleased that the movie for which I finally made an exception to the Russell Crowe boycott was as disappointing as Thor: Love and Thunder. And oh so many years later, listening to Russell Crowe do what sounded to me like a stereotypically offensive Italian accent for a Greek god and wasting my time in a largely meaningless plot cul-de-sac, I still want to punch him in the face as hard as I can.

⭐️⭐️ Too much (more than zero) Russell Crowe. Cannot recommend.

#thor love and thunder #my review #not that it matters #but i was disappointed #and i needed others to know that #gotta wonder what it says about me #but i don't really want to #selfawareness is a bummer #manda rambles

[turtleblogatlast]

Thinking about the Don Suave scene and what it means in terms of LGBTQ+ representation because my brain does nothing if not torment me with random topics to ramble about on the regular.

Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about why I like the scene but to get it out of the way - the scene can very easily be interpreted in so many different ways, and all of them are valid. I personally see it as Leo having at least some attraction to a man. And the following is an explanation of my own interpretation and thoughts on it and what it means especially for Leo’s portrayal in the grand scheme of things.

Long-winded interpretation under the cut!

Now, to start with, it’s important to me that in the scene Leo looks at Don Suave in the very beginning and then for the entirety of the rest of the time the man is on screen, Leo’s eyes are closed. Yet, in the end, he is still visibly enamored with Don Suave, happily cuddling up to him as he’s being carried away.

You can very easily interpret this as Leo being spellbound and that’s honestly super valid and I believe he likely was at least somewhat in the beginning, but considering how fast he looked away and how he never looked again, I personally think it makes more sense to read it as Leo just finding the man attractive, at least somewhat. (For the record, I personally headcanon Rise Leo as bisexual with a heavy preference for men, but I want to be blunt when I say that any interpretation is valid. Literally any. Ace, pan, gay, bi, none of the above or a mixture of something new literally all of it is more than okay and fair. Hell you could even interpret this entire scene as more romantic attraction than physical and it would still work. Anything goes!! Don’t bother people, guys, really.)

The main reason I take this scene to be at the very least LGBTQ+ adjacent isn’t just because of how it’s portrayed, but because of who Leonardo is. Not in terms of Rise of the TMNT, but in terms of the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles™️ franchise.

Leo’s a character who, while changing with each iteration, has still at his core been around for decades upon decades as “the blue one”. One fourth of the team. He’s the one most are going to look at as the Leader, and oftentimes he is the one closest to having the title of Main Character. Not to say the others aren’t just as important, but Leo’s presence in the A plots of basically all TMNT media is often something very main character-esque.

And that’s very, very important to note. Here we have a Main Character of a prolific and decades long-running franchise distributed by a children’s television network. You can play around with his and his brothers’ characters all you like, but there is always going to be challenges to dodge around, especially since this was still in 2018-2019.

For example, you can play around with their designs so long as they’re color coded turtles, but their sexualities? Now that’s tricky.

“But what about Hypno and Warren?” Not main characters and also they’re Rise originals. They have a lot more room to play around with than a character like Leo does. But even talking about main characters in the franchise, you could arguably have an easier time playing around with Donnie or Mikey’s sexualities than Leo or even Raph, as (unfortunately) the former two tend to get more B plots, so they’d likely have had a little more leeway (still not a lot though.)

So, where does this leave us?

It leaves us in a place where outright stating and/or showing undeniable proof of Leo’s attraction to men is very, very difficult. So, workarounds!

Workarounds like the entire Don Suave situation.

To be honest, as left up to interpretation and lowkey and deniable as it is, this whole scene means a lot to me because of who Leo is as a character. It’s just nice when we get so see even the bare bones of representation with characters that have been such a large part of pop culture for decades, y’know? Even if more would be so much nicer, this is better than I thought we’d ever get for these boys.

And, again, literally nothing I’ve said is the only way to interpret it, I’m more than happy when people interpret media on their own honestly, it’s just something I’ve been thinking of lately and I was wondering if others felt the same way.

Whatever you think when you interpret this scene or Rise Leo as a whole, I just thought this would be interesting to think about, even if it was ramble-y, haha.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #rottmnt leo #rise leo #rise don suave #rottmnt don suave #I lied I’m back to ramble because I’m just #so bad at keeping my mouth shut #or uh #not typing word vomit #anyway- yeah this is my personal interpretation #I believe Leo was legitimately mesmerized by Don Suave’s powers…in the beginning #but even the series’ creator says it was ‘at least PART of what was going on with Leo’ so #idk it’s something that’s been on my mind and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same?? #may delete this later who knowssss #pleaaaase feel free to disagree I just like to talk lol #but yeah sometimes I look around at how much media has LGBTQ+ rep in it now and it honestly makes me emotional?? #(we always always ALWAYS could use more but) #we did not have even a crumb of this as kids #but also like most of that rep is new properties #and I just was thinking about what that could mean #idk man idk #once again please don’t take this as facts it is VERY MUCH NOT #man I was looking around for good images to use and found jack all #anyway tho did you know Donnie often has bi colors around him and Leo is often dressed in the colors of the trans flag- #okay anyway back to the caves I go this comic won’t draw itself #I gotta spray myself with water any time I go to type long winded essays because they’re not great for the mental health fr

[soupy-sez]

Faith No More, April 1995 [X/X/X]

#faith no more #music #musicians #90s #dean menta #mike patton #billy gould #roddy bottum #mike bordin #1995 #soupy's #pics #I cannot believe I found a more pics from this shoot that took some excavating. some puts it lightly!!! #and there's a dog ‼️ #one thing about me is I will scroll and use key words for shit. ian windwood's name was the last 'wait. there's more' #it says pic: fat boy in the bottom right corner so um © fat boy I guess #the third link gives you all the text from the magazine #and I gotta say what a wonderful use of the color green like. where are they

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

fuckfuck fuck i need to make more physical crafts i need to create tangible things that i can hold with my two hands and put it somewhere i can See It and think Wow. I Made That.

#finished my little rudimentary earring holder & one of two arm warmers #MORE!!!! MORE!!!!!! I NEED MORE #maybe... maybe ill go get myself a new little plant and a pot to decorate. a little guy for my windowsill #ohhh i could uh! i could make like a little scrapbook thing and put in there all of my favorite things that ive drawn.... #a little egotistical Perhaps but!! on days where i feel like shit and like my art sucks i could flip through that! #and say 'huh. not too bad actually' #plus it just sounds like a fun craft. i could get stickers and stuff. washi tape. glue flat objects on. add teeny doodles #i just. i need to create more i think thats whats wrong with me lately #i feel such Peace and Joy when i make physical things #i wonder if id like book binding... #no no thats for future me who has a job and an Income to get interested in #that would be fun tho! ive always wanted to try it. #and if i do i'd Really want to do that thing where people take a fanfic and make it into a physical book #that would be so fun... #i could have my favorites on a shelf! with permission of course! #absolutely unprompted #yk when i start to feel that Despair i really just gotta think about what physical things i could create #what art things i still have to discover and attempt and enjoy #today has sucked But! i will take the car tomorrow and by fuck i will do Something #a new plant friend. yeah. i need something alive in my room #and this weekend ill go to michaels and get myself washi tape so that i can secure my posters to the walls #bc my poster tack Is Not Working! #i wonder if our printer can work on cardstock... i wonder if its been Set Up yet i havent seen her #maybe ill make some more tiny vases today. i have clay still... #OH OH i could make small amigurumi keychain things... #*spoken with clenched fists and gritted teeth* there is still so much to discover and delight in in this life #the walls in this house are bare and cold but if my stepdad allows I Can Spruce It The Fuck Up #ohhhhh crochet tapestries... i could probably do that too... #i cant wait to pick up crafts get bored two days later and drop em and i say that sincerely!

[akkivee]

remember how we were told from the very beginning that we were not supposed to take hitoya seriously at all lmao

#this is vee speaking #hitoya: *insults and threatens litigation* #kuukou and jyushi: lolololol he’s so funny #i was thinking about bat’s cross talk and how nakatsuka-san thought takeuchi-san was a scary person based off his voice in this first track #and kept saying he was scary any time takeuchi-san raised his voice at his team for being brats towards him lmao #(if you told me nakatsuka-san was a host of some kind i’d believe you lmao) #which is so funny to me because both character and seiyuu are harmless lol #but i kinda wonder what would hitoya’s vibe be without his teen team lol #what hitoya is capable of is very scary lol!!!!!!!! like he’s a force to be reckoned with and we see that in nagosaka’s manga!!!!!! #so like would he have a lurkingly sinister vibe if he didn’t get humbled by his team all the time lol???? ya gotta wonder sometimes lol

[okkennymay]

This time around I thought I would make a comic relaying the events after the last time I posted, because my gosh is it easier to explain with pretty pictures than upsetting words >vO I prefer to make jokes about my situation than anything, ‘cause honestly it’s a solid way of dealing with it and I take so many medications as it is, why not add laughter to it I say! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Despite my condition’s best efforts I still managed to organise and complete a commission with someone through emails! Thank you @waezi2 you were so patient as I arose from my grave every other day to get things done (❁´◡`❁) Fighting my body and winning to complete it was the victory I needed! The sheer satisfaction I get from a commission well received by someone is like pure nectar to me~ Sweet sustenance I just can’t get enough of! The money don’t hurt either, Disability Support Pensions do not go far in this economy 👀 This is as close as I can get to having a job and I wont let C.V.S (Cyclic vomiting Syndrome) or Chrohns take that from me! 

I’m raring to dive into more if anyone’s interested ♪(´▽｀) I’m just about to post a new “commissions sheet” to broadcast that very fact >vO I do love having something to draw between Ectober pages~

#OKKennyMay #chronically ill #chrohns disease #Comic #cyclic vomiting syndrome #If you're wondering about the fire #long story short my body has little to no control over it's temperature and sometimes it tries to overheat me to death during my episodes #it makes it such a hassle constantly changing out ice packs and devouring ice only to vomit it out trying to cool it myself down physically #In a room that's colder than ice but feels like a furnace to me #all the while in a desperate and delirious haze #needless to say it's a bit of a wild time but i've got a really awesome mum who keeps me alive during these moments #I'm determined to be more honest about what's going to in my life for my own sake #i'm tired of having nightmares about people knowing details about my illness so i'm just going to rip the damn bandaid off #no matter how embarrassing or horrifying it is to relay at times I gotta do it #because i'm tired of being ashamed for things I have no control over dang it! It's not my fault my body doesn't work right >:V #hey if you read all these tags thank you #I appreciate you

[thegrimreaperisanerd]

Had to get a 2nd job so I've not had as much time to write, anyway Chapter 12 of DUCKLINGS THAT DROWN is up.

#i gotta go to court on friday (as a witness) and im fucking terrified #guy hatecrimed me and some pals and i know he lives near me so if he doesn't go prison im worried what he'll do #plz read my fic and say wonderful things about it ive been bricking it all month #wah. hopefully i can relax after the weekend *through gritted teeth* just gotta get through this year #breakthrough imminent: post of mine #DUCKLINGS THAT DROWN

[theoryofarson]

our dining table first kiss up there for kisses of all time for me

#its so naturalistic #their little laughs...the mutual understanding of like. this is awkward and silly but thats ok and i am so so so in love with u #minoru says the whole thing was so unromantic and on the one hand hes right and thats what makes it wonderful #but on the other hand everything about the scene and the leadup to it was the PEAK of romance to me #like ive never seen more perfect romance tropes done more perfectly.... #the pep talk leading to an epic change of heart.... #the 'get your man' running sequence where each of the lovers starts running to find the other and they meet in the middle #the conversation where one thinks theyve already been rejected and that they know thats what the other is going to say #until the other says no!! listen!! you DONT know what i feel!! #and im not good at expressing my feelings but im going to try!!! #the hug first. always gotta be a hug first #and how it ended withe ringing in of the new year and the 'tastes like meat bun' and theyre still holding hands and everything.... #oh it was all so perfect my romantic little heart cant handle it #our dining table

[elegyofthemoon]

ok but do i want to actually sit and read through all the clockie animation stuff so i have better foundation for what i want to say? i guess

#avil plays hsr #idk if i actually want to write this ramble because i started rewatching a bunch of scenes that i needed to figure my thoughts out #but the more i gather the more im getting lost with myself so im like MMMMM #i gotta line these pieces up first #i think the trickiest thing about gallagher is wondering how much of what he says is true vs false #UH #ill just tag this as #hsr 2.1 spoilers #because thats the ramble in the tags #but like as a follower of enigmata hes prone to lying and conjuring even more riddles to confuse you #so i just have to wonder too #and if his whole facade as gallagher is fake. then how did he actually become part of the bloodhound? #sunday points out how gallagher stoles features from so many members of the family so. i just have to wonder #he couldnt have changed his identity without being noticed #so thats where i get confused. like How did you get in here in the first place using your disguise? #how did you fool people? #ANSWER MY QUESTIONS MAN (SHAKES GALLAGHER) #at the very least though: i think what he says about mikhail is true #i want to believe those are true even despite his false front #the things i want to talk about is like #well first i wanna make a whole timeline of the historical events of penacony #and that will give me a better idea of how things led to one another to present time #and THANKFULLY i rewatched because now i understand what gallagher meant possibly by traitor #but how did the family come to be? #how did the dreammaster come to be? (SHAKES THE GAME) #ok so i have to read more. so this will take longer #unfortunately maybe by the time i get all the information i want itll be too late and someone else wouldve said #SOMEONE PROBABLY DID #but i like the satisfaction of pulling the pieces together myself. thats the satisfaction of solving cases and puzzles ✨ #my desk looks ridiculous now because its like. sticky notes everywhere because im like I HAVE TO MAKE NOTE OF THIS

[wasabi-gumdrop]

"Slow burn but they're having sex the whole time" is pretty much your brand at this point

so true 😞🫶🏼 that tweet got a lil too personal but i know what i am 🤧

#fwb to lovers #those are my roots yknow 😭 #there’s just something that continues to drive me so insane over it?? #like the aspect of knowing this person over a few years and like - actively pushing away certain feelings #because of some reason or another #like it’s just not the right time you’re not with the right person or even in the right place #but then life opens up and suddenly this person who’s just been an adjacent presence in your life #becomes Somebody To You #and you gotta wonder why didn’t see it before when it feels so obvious now??? #and then you’re hit by a truck full of feelings and uh feelings 😳 #and you don’t quite know what to do but maybe you’re a little dumb so you say to this person #‘hey we’re already friends so - wanna take the long scenic route to commitment lmao’ #anywaaaay what do i know about all that #neon glory #wasabi rambles #albino pony #ilu Ash 🫶🏼

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[bmpmp3]

I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away

#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd #ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding. #i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way #when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee #but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo #and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards #not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony #my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like #marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there #i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my #parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL) #but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school #nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is #same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL #i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not. #i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds #but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice #i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring #that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases #and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason #you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident #im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like #i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS #i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3 #i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔

[niyana-the-ambiguous-mobian]

Why do certain coworkers have to get you so annoyed with them without even trying, and they don't realize how annoying/obnoxious they are?? Or worse, they KNOW how annoying they are but don't seem to care cause they find it funny?

It's like the silence and neutral expressions aren't enough of a hint that I don't think you're funny and you should just stop while you still have your dignity...

Longer rant in the tags cause it's a lot.

#rant post #personal rant #idk what is with boys and think whenever you get annoyed with them means that its ok to keep going on with the shit 😒 #i know it's not all boys but just certain ones #he's only 1-2 years younger than me but he acts pretty immature sometimes #he was trying to get my attention by doing stupid shit as distance away but i didn't acknowledge him and he got that message #but afterwards he tries other stuff and cracks himself up whenever he gets me to look at him thinking I'm giving him a reaction #he's....an odd puzzle piece to place #and my workplace is as small as a typical subway so i can't really keep my distance from him unless i go outside or got to the restrooms #ugh i just wish he wasn't like this ALL THE TIME and he wonders i act the way i do around him on the rare occasions he is serious #and it's just me and him working there other than my manager but can't really do anything about that for now #i just wanna scream at him to not smirk at me and dance around me like he's trying to do a mating dance that makes me uncomfortable each tim #-me but i gotta say it in a way that doesn't sound like I'm hysterical about it or cause ridges since I'm still working there #basically he's one of the reasons i want a new job. it shouldn't be the case where a coworker causes you to leave a job #but unfortunately this is where i am at this point #ok rant over XD #I'm going to wash my face and eat something

[thebleedingeffect]

.

#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere #one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions #so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so #despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself #and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral #it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me #not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared #and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her #I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else #but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult #and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side #to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side #she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences #and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control #religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk #having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe #she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough #I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike #and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends #because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting #now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side #it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks. #ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-

[cave-monkey]

I'm watching Monkey King 2009, and I know a bit of what happens to Six Ears later so I can't help but look at things through that lens, specifically the ways the FFM troop are a hot mess in a way that's actually kind of interesting and addressed in the show (to the extent a kid's show generally touches on those things). Like! The fact it's only the second episode and the troop is now two-for-two throwing Six Ears to the wolves at the first available opportunity! I decided to look back on what happened the last time they did this and go ahead and outline the thoughts I was having on it because, apparently(!), this was not a one-off! And I was not overreacting!

The very first fight scene in the series in Episode 1. Analysis, go!

Specifically, the part where a child is the one facing down the leader of the enemy warband, a combatant who already mowed through the advances of two experienced, trained adults with minimal effort, and the show...actually kind of goes a semi-realistic route with it?

Six Ears starts off strong and confident. He's basically an adult, his king put him up to this, of course he can handle it! He won't let him down!

And he does a pretty good job! It's very kid's show fun and punchy.

But then the Demon King of Havoc - an adult, a trained fighter, a blooded fighter - starts buckling down. And Six Ears slips up. And then he keeps slipping up.

It's not fun anymore. Six Ears is in way over his head and he knows it. So you get this (honestly kind of heartstring-tugging) shot of him glancing away while the Demon King approaches to look for his mentor and idol for help or guidance or something. He's a kid, he's scared now, and he wants his grandfather.

...and finds him asleep.

Now in most media I'd expect this to either be the mentor-figure feigning indifference or carelessness to encourage their pupil to handle the problem themselves (and implying in the process that they never doubted their pupil's ability to handle it - that they were never in actual danger), or this would just be building tension before the seemingly-oblivious mentor-figure suddenly intervenes at the critical moment.

But, of course, Six Ears isn't the actual protagonist, and that's not what happens. Six Ears looks to his king for help, finds none, and that's it. The Demon King of Havoc goes in for the kill and all Six Ears can do is run.

And he does, and he runs and runs and runs, farther and farther from his troop and anyone who can help because apparently no one was paying attention to the kid who was taking on the leader of the entire opposing force by himself, and he barely stays ahead of the sword, the trees the Demon King sends crashing down on him, and he's blatantly not able to do anything more than survive moment to moment.

And then he can't run anymore.

And the Old Monkey King doesn't show up. We find out he was never going to show up.

We get a shot of the Old Monkey King slowly waking up way back in the camp well after this scene, in response to Stone Monkey's hatching. (He also stands bolt right up, which is probably meant to be in shock at the giant stone rocketing into the sky wreathed in universe energy but I also like to think might also have been a "Where the FUCK is my KID" just so I can imagine someone was concerned about Six Ears during all this.)

Like, I cannot emphasize enough, Six Ears would be dead if Stone Monkey hadn't been hatching at this exact moment. An energy burst from the hatching blinds the Demon King long enough for Six Ears to bolt and start the chase again. That's what saves him. And then again when Six Ears manages to get the egg between him and a blow from the Demon King's sword.

Considering how eager the generals are to throw Six Ears to Stone Monkey when they're still convinced he's a legitimate danger in literally just the next episode, presumably just days after all this went down, and I...sort of think they were fully aware Six Ears was likely going to die to the Demon King. While I hesitate to say they didn't care at all, they showed in Episode 2 pretty clearly that they definitely cared way less about a child of their troop's likely death than they did about saving their own skins. Not enough to back him up, not enough to go after him when he's forced to flee, not enough to take on the fight in his place.

Which is tremendously messed up all on it's own, but it gets worse because these generals are all for treating him like a young kid when it's convenient for them. They see him as a child! But they're just as quick to throw him under the bus of adulthood as soon as that's convenient for them. Whatever requires the least effort from them, that's what they want him to be.

Seriously, who the hell is taking care of this kid? Because at this point it sure seems like the Old Monkey King - who is very old and very tired and whose body is blatantly failing him - is stuck not only trying to keep his troop in something vaguely resembling working order and secure them as much as possible for his imminent death no one but him seems concerned with, but is also somehow expected to be the primary (if not sole) caregiver of a young child. Something he can't be. Like, geez, guys. Let the man wither away in peace without piling on him more fraying threads of the things he can't possibly tie up properly before he goes, thanks!

Not to mention how this would blatantly conflict with the Old Monkey King's need to have a successor as soon as possible, since the most eligible adults in his troop are, apparently, all lazy cowards who are entirely unsuitable. He brings it up like two or three times in the first episode alone, so this is clearly something that's stressing him out, and his best option is still a boy. Meaning Old Monkey King is in a position of having to desperately (but trying not to show that he's desperate) push Six Ears to grow up just a little faster because he doesn't know how much longer he has left. There's just not a lot of room for him to just let Six Ears be a kid, in those circumstances. He needs a king. He needs Six Ears to make decisions and lead and take risks, even if the ones he's taking are far beyond the sort of things that should be on a kid's shoulders. He can't be his mentor and his grandfather and his king. No one person can be all three of those. Something is going to give. And so the Old Monkey King makes his mistakes. He piles too much on Six Ears too soon. He expects too much of him too soon. He nearly gets Six Ears killed in the first episode. (He accidentally leaves Six Ears vulnerable in the future to adults who want to use him.)

It's a fascinating little set-up. Obviously not really addressed in the show, since it's for kids and framed from a kid's perspective, which is also sort of genius? I'm thinking of the second episode where the generals are more than willing to dump Six Ears on the sacrificial alter, even physically carrying him out the door, an adult on each arm, like he might wise up and get scared and run (and if he did, like they wouldn't let him), and all Six Ears does is laugh. He's a kid. We've all been kids who think some of the most messed up things are perfectly normal simply because you don't have anything to compare it to. This is just the generals being the generals, obviously. They're so silly :)

But adults were writing this show, and I can't imagine an adult writing this not knowing exactly what they were doing. Especially knowing what happens to Six Ears.

Anyway, long story short: I want to fight the generals with my bare hands. I do not want to fight the Old Monkey King with my bare hands, but I do want to give him a long, disappointed glare over his cups that I feel like he would understand perfectly.

Also, someone needs to wrap Six Ears up in a burrito blanket and stuff him in a pillow fort with Stone Monkey where nothing can hurt them. That would be nice.

#images under cut #mhw09 personal #if this had a structure it went out the window real fast it's just me yelling about things at some point #okay look I guess I just had a lot to say after just two episodes. that's what blogs are for. (right? right. right.) #not even getting INTO how they talk about Stone Monkey #okay actually let's just not allow these guys around young teens at all. they can't be trusted. #you know what old monkey king how about you just point at one of the random background NPC monkeys we see hanging around and make THEM #your successor? #come on now #you're desperate and it's gotta be better than the literal child you are lovingly handcrafting SEVERAL major complexes for as we speak #and while we're on this topic how about you point to four random ones and make them your new Generals! #I mean sure the fact Ma Beng Liu and Ba are the Marshals/Generals probably means the others are somehow LESS competent or able #(maybe a cultivation level thing?) #but come on #actually I'm wondering if the Generals' lack of care for Six Ears comes from a similar place as their #fear and aversion to Stone Monkey #Six Ears is pretty blatantly noooot really a monkey “like them” either? #so wherever he came from I wonder if they had just as strong objections about HIM at some point #obviously they'd be mostly over them by now but...I dunno man #I wonder if they think of him less as a monkey kid and more as their king's weird alien pet project #oh! almost forgot! episode 2! the fact they off-handedly say they'll at least be hiding nearby in case Six Ears needs help #but uh...a whole-ass imp attacks him and they are nowhere to be found. Surprise surprise. #ugh they're the worst #they better get kicked into shape and grow better as people or they better get buried istg #that's a bit extreme #I mean it though #or at least replaced all right we'll go with 'get better or get kicked'

[whatudottu]

Something that I have been secretly obsessing over for forever is the idea of a Ben 10 (or general Omnitrix wielder) that goes full superhero and goes and designs secret identities for EVERY transformation, seeing as how though perhaps the wielder themself is from a human perspective disguised behind the face of an alien, well- fairly certain that transformations have their own degree of recognisability themselves-

Find out more in the cut below-

I mean, from the perspective of a human Omnitrix wielder like Ben or many other characters from canon to original may focus on the visual aspect of recognition, so maybe species with more than one recognisable feature or a completely different set of recognition (vulpimancers may recognise scent and perhaps sound, pyronites may recognise - among sight - heat signature or temperature) are kinda looked over without actually putting their all into studying ‘what makes me recognisable’, but like- in all honesty this is just me rambling about what human masks would fit the Omnitrix translation to certain alien transformations without proving detrimental to any of their abilities.

What kind of mask would a lepidopterran wear, one that conserves confidentiality without detracting from mouth-based protectiles, what about piscciss volann with their biting? What about a mask with a beaded mouth covering, perhaps one with antennae (or lures) of it’s own? What kind of mask that a human can wear be safely used on a pyronite? Give em a flame retardant gas mask, one maybe with an open back just to maintain the flame headed aesthetic.

Can you even mask every transformation? Beyond the Omnitrix sample of arburian pelarota being the very few examples of the newly practically if not extinct species, can you mask a face that rests on the main body? Is recognition of Arburia dictacted in fact by the face of a pelarota or is it determined by shell and (apparently they have hair) fur patterns?

Well, perhaps in that case a superhero outfit is best for the situation!

What superhero mask doesn’t come it with it’s own superhero costume? Well perhaps you could outfit your arburian pelarota transformation with a cloth ‘mask’ that physically acts as the shirt, they do after all have ‘eyeless vision’, all in due part according to their sensory fur (how do you think they see when rolling rolling?). Why not pair our pyronite mask with a firefighter coat, make them seem like a heroic rescuer rather than a TF2 Pyro main, the chunkier and more Fire Force it looks the better. And what about another member or a near extinct species petrosapiens sporting layers of sound absorbing clothing, worn with perhaps a full head mask that also helps insulate from sound as a defense whilst keeping up an optimal level of anonymity.

Masks with bells, give them to aliens that recognise with sound. Masks with real flowers, give them to aliens that recognise with scent. Put a mask in the fridge or let it sit in the sun, give it to an alien that recognises temperature.

What degree does body shape affect alien recognition, how different do you want to make the body look, how does your superhero outfit work to perhaps benefit your transformation.

How do you mask an opticoid? Give them a lacy mask/shirt, they don’t give a shit about chest nudity! How do you costume a gourmand? Give them a jacket they can zip right open, maybe just straight up sleeves with extra material that MIMICS a jacket! How about a loboan? Give them a long-nosed eye mask, it doesn’t need to cover the mouth so long as it covers the top of the snout!

Ough I love masks so much-

#ben 10 #what do i even tag this as... #eh *shrugs* this is just complete #rambling #honestly i was gonna use this post as an excuse to take a picture of all my non-covid masks #which is about *does a kinda literal head check* about 21 unique masks #which includes one of those dollar store masks who's only feature is the fake flower i decorate it with #but excludes the two masks that i painted for an art protect which- while functionally wearable- are a bit too precious to consider doing so #says me who owns amongst the 21 masks 3 genuine venetian masks one of which is the most elaborate mask i own #but anyway i found an old omnitrix wielder oc that had gone with the whole superhero id thing #but it was clearly when i was a fan of tokyo ghoul (aka one mask across all forms regardless of if it worked + casual outfit) #somewhat related i wonder what other alien cultures have as superhero designs because i guess that informs what 'disguised' means #does one who recognise scent used a perfume instead of a mask? does one cover themselves in icepacks to look colder? #and keep in mind- why the omnitrix wielder may be so attached to masks (aside from me being obsessed with them) #is that before and after transformation they gotta also protect themselves too #i guess this is like super reliant on picking the right outfit or getting the right transformation #but like if you can access the clothing programming of the omnitrix (which it clearly would have if ben gets unique clothes) #then you can have your very own human superhero outfit that only uses it's base component materials to act as source for alien outfits haha #ough i am thinking of firefighter hero heatblast (aka the theme and design that really inspired me to ramble)