#grieving mothers story

[trappednyourheart]

The wrong DNA test

( what if, Sheila wasn't really Jason's mother? The system is already corrupted, then what about the test?).

A huge brawl containing every rogue had started at the time of Halloween, causing the people from downtown to fled there home's as joker had clownized the whole neighborhood with his goon's.

Every bats had taken to groups to take out the three parts of Gotham's as the rogue's had started to make alliances, some had lasted quite long while had conflicts, and causing a big damage to Arkham asylum,

It didn't take long before they captured all of them, none of the bats questions as they observed Jason glowing green eyes starting to flick, they thought it was the pit again, growing wary of the cooperation, but Crime alley was involved and that mean business to Red hood's turf.

Catherine todd love her son as her own even if not biological, Jason knew that. But her thing with drugs couldn't make her stop.

Sometimes after that, they could hear Jason humming a tune,a nice melody from Damian's statement saying that Jason muttered to him “ lullaby” as Jason continued to read his book, maybe it could be from Catherine,

they knew how Jason's past with Catherine todd, his mom even if not related, Catherine loves her son like her own kid but her doing drugs and... overdosing couldn't be stop.

Maybe Jason just remembered his mother maybe reminiscing atleast something familiar...even if it was a bad time.

Jason had constantly have been hearing a woman's? Man's? Voice, singing him a lullaby...it soothing, like as if he known and loved this melody...and that's where the dreams kept coming, there was a person, giving him kisses, Talkin to him stories, singing him lullabies and soothing him, he could dream that he was actually a baby, a baby from a normal couple, well don't count the luxurious baby room.

Jason had took out a conspiracies why he was getting this dreams, ( he swears he's not becoming Tim) and voices, maybe like a misshapen memories from the pits of victims? No it's to peaceful for that, maybe magic? He already contacted Constantine but surely hang up after knowing who it was-

Just how is he getting this dreams? Unless it wasn't.... So he proved again his point, he started a DNA test, again but none had records...of Sheila being his biological mother...that was weird, last time he had a test was from the time as robin..and before his-

So he went to that hospital who had said where Sheila had given birth to him, and most of shock is that no one knows a mother giving birth named Sheila haywood but had a document of a baby, of one Jason jay nightingale, the most believing part was that it's the same day he was born in.

His mother, Daniel F. Nightingale was said to be trans as the doctor who help his mother safely delivered him, And saying that his mother loved him,

one Sheila Haywood had the constant trick to get him and taken him as his own, because his mother's family was a wealthy one they practically sold him to her.

Jason had thought that maybe his mother's family never wanted him to have a son with a man from Gotham's crime alley.

Meanwhile Danny had just been YEETED to the DC universe before the start of Batman's justice thing and had been adopted by a very wealthy fruit loops couple as there kid, so he stayed as the couples daughter even pretending, because he owed ghost writer a favor for the last time, and as DC universe exist so it's story, and one thing for sure the child he had to give birth in this universe has a very complicated fate,

he did the one night stand from his supposed friend Willis Todd? He had to befriend him as Dalia F. nightingale the supposed Wealthy daughter who fell in love with a peasant trope, and gotten pregnant making it a scandal, and reaching to his ‘parents’ circle and getting that drama.

But he never thought he would care for his child, his little jay, his ghost side would purr in delight when they held Jason, he was a very hard sucker especially from his pacifier or his breast, it's so weird being in a women body,

but the way his ‘parents’ sold his son to the women who was supposed to get his son killed and being revived by cheap parody ass of ectoplasm.

He went feral, he had an argument to his ‘parents’ but all fell deaf ears, he couldn't find his son in one of the hotels nearby where that BXtch was.

And that time was where his part of the script was fulfilled, ghost writer already took him, both sides of his, were angry.

He. will. get. his. baby. back.

#dcxdp #Danny phantom #dcxdp crossover #Mom!Danny #Batfam #Jason todd #portraits #When the bats find this they decided to help find Jason's Mom only to find out she went missing #his Jay Nightingale now #yes- im getting of topic #so lets just say that clockwork has also has some things involved with his #dcdp #batfam #and ghostwriter #so if this doesn't go to your timeline aus or smth or cannon idk what to say #when the bats found out about Jason's investigation to find his mother #they gladly help but after finding where jason's grandparents who sold him to Haywood #they meet with them #and the whole revealed was much more depressing because His mother died/missing/suicide #Ghost writer was the one who plan the...The death scene. #so jason is sad #and very much wants his momma #because thats how ghost parents shit is right? #yeah i dont think im educated enough #So the grandparents are like grieving for there son (yes they accepted his trans btw). #and let jason and the rest of the batfam in there manor/castle ( cause there seriously old money) and introduce jason to his mom's things #portraits of danny #telling stories of danny in his youth. #but they avoided the way he ‘died’ for ghost writers plot conveniences but they mention #green...like ectoplasm but they just called it green liquid.

[gingermintpepper]

So, now that Blood of Zeus has also been given its chance to tell the Demeter/Persephone story (and also, similarly, fundamentally misunderstood the themes of the Hymn to Demeter) can we finally, finally talk about Mother Love?

Because I can scream until I'm blue in the face about how modern, popular interpretations of the myth have become so focused on being 'empowering' to women by fixating on giving power to Persephone in her marriage with Hades and, in turn, disparaging Demeter, another woman, - the mother who grieves her lost daughter - that they've some how spun all the way around and gotten back to being misogynistic and reductive, but I feel like talking nebulously about the fact that it's Demeter and Persephone's story and not Hades and Persephone's story never gets the point across hard enough. So:

Anyone who was upset about Demeter's demonisation in Blood of Zeus S2? Read Mother Love. Anyone who is ever upset that retellings of the Homeric Hymn to Demeter constantly demonise, belittle, accuse and insult Demeter and her grief while making excuses to redeem and forgive her daughter's captor? Read Mother Love. Anyone who likes Hades and Persephone as a romantic tale but yearn for complexity outside of arbitrary romantic antagonists impeding the happiness of the couple? Read Mother Love!! Everyone who has even a passing interest in this tale whether it is for the romance, the mother-daughter connections, the themes of grief and loss and eventual comfort and compromise, the wrath of the mother transgressed, the justice that is served due to a mother's insistence in an unjust society, READ MOTHER LOVE!!!

Because it pains me that such a perfect retelling of Demeter and Persephone's story exists, that it focuses on the mother-daughter relationship by comparing it with the poet's own relationship with her mother and it is nearly obscure in the greek mythology community.

#greek mythology #ginger rambles #ginger chats about greek myths #hades and persephone #demeter and persephone #hades #persephone #demeter #poetry #rita dove #More people need to read this poem anthology #blood of zeus #boz #I swear I will not stop in my endeavour to have more people know about the best retelling of Demeter and Persephone's story that exists #I realise I haven't described at all what Mother Love is #I'll make a separate post for that #But I'm so sick of y'all making Demeter a machiavellian supervillain in the story where she loses her daughter and grieves so hard #and forces the justice system to do something about it so she can get her daughter back #READ MOTHER LOVE I BEG YOU

[calli0p3]

q!jaiden will always be important to me

#in the end she’s only a grieving mother #god her story is incredible #qsmp #qsmp fanart #jaiden animations #q!jaiden #jaiden fanart #cal’s doin art

[fadelikeclouds]

“Even if other people don’t forgive you, you need to learn to forgive yourself.” - Team’s mother

But Team can’t forgive himself. He doesn’t know how, and so he goes to Ton’s grave to look for forgiveness from someone who can’t give it to him. (I’m crying.) Not to mention the way he runs away when he hears someone else coming to visit Ton’s grave, like he doesn’t have a right to be there, grieve there. (I’m still crying.)

Then he’s crying behind that bush as he looks at the gold medal that should have belonged to Ton. He feels like he’s stolen everything from Ton from his life to this gold medal. He doesn’t feel like he deserves anything, or has earned anything for himself. It’s all a debt that he’s desperately trying to repay, because he survived and Ton didn’t. It’s all so overwhelming, and he wishes that he had died instead.

But in this dark place, he calls Win. Which is a big deal because Team avoids burdening others with his problems. Sure, he'll beg Pharm for snacks, and ask Win to treat him to a meal. But he doesn’t tell anyone about his insomnia and anxiety. He doesn’t tell anyone that he almost drowned recently. Win discovered these things by accident and because he cared about Team, not because Team told him about them. So just the fact that these two have cultivated a relationship where Team is able to call Win, asking for someone to hold him together while he falls apart, is just so immensely beautiful to me. Because whether Team realizes it or not, he already believes that Win will be there for him no matter what, that Win will catch him.

And here is a person who desperately wants Team to stay alive. Win doesn’t know exactly what happened in Team’s past, and he can’t make Team forgive himself. All he can do is tell him how much he means to him, and that’s just really lovely. Because what Team needs right now isn’t someone who will tell him, “it’s not your fault”. He’s not in the mindset to be able to process and accept that. He needs someone to tell him that his life matters, that if he were to die there’s someone who might be just as devastated as Ton’s mother is. He might not be able to forgive himself yet, but he can start to see that he is valued.

TLDR: I love these two with my whole heart. I love seeing Team reach out for help when he's in the depths of his self-loathing. And I love how Win's love and care have melted away the walls that have been keeping Team isolated in his own pain.

#between us #between us the series #between us ep9 #prem warut #I was crying when Team was talking to Ton at his grave #then I cried harder when Ton's mother was there grieving #then I cried even harder when the shot went back to Team behind the bush. #And I still love this whole scene #does that make me a masochist? #Also - sometimes there are things you can't tell your parents because you don't want to worry them #because you feel like your problems are going to disrupt their happiness #and you don't want to do that to them because you feel that their happiness is more important than your suffering. #I love moments in stories where characters reveal their vulnerabilities and someone else is there to embrace them. #reasons why I love this story #precipitating thts

[queseraphita]

It didn't truly strike me harder how devastating the grief and trauma Cheng Xiaoshi felt about that Chen Xiao mission and how he was probably raised in that part of China by his parents and having to confront the feelings of all the people he had bonds with in that area until i was reading posts from Chinese readers explaining how Cheng Xiaoshi has a northern accent and Lu Guang has a southern Chinese accent

#like i knew knew from the story and i vaguely remember that event in 2008 on the news as a child #which also just fucks me up just being similar age as these characters #but i am just depressed and sad knowing that cxs grieved cx's mother with that lullaby #i personally feel like that mission was what allowed cxs to truly grieve the absence of his parents and the possibility that theyre dead #everything about it breaks my heart but i sympathize with that grief that won't let you cry #cxs unshakeable faith being rocked by vicariously feeling the ups and downs of love from a parent #shiguang daili ren #link click #mikh talks #i always end up missing those nuances but i end up appreciating them x10 more #this show is made with so much love hope grief yearning despair

[presiding]

formerly an essay in tags but - billie lurk. half-nameless, misremembered woman. her powers derived from the things taken from her, without any catharsis or empowerment. the rat charm, tied with deidre's hair, her lover's voice in the mouth of rats. her arm and eye, taken, given back only to cause her chronic pain, then lost again. foresight seems a cruel gift for a woman who botched the timing of her takeover of the whalers, and bet wrong when it came to delilah.

she never bore the outsider's blessing; his first visit to her was more like an assault. every other dishonored POV character gets the choice to be selfish, and for that selfishness to mean something, but billie's actions have no effect on the world at large, either, in a game without a chaos system.

some say that corvo is the ghost, but he can reach out and change things. billie's buried herself twice and come back and nothing she does seems to matter - she is less a protagonist, more a convenient full stop in the narrative.

try this: open doto, start a new game. sit in her cabin. notice how little of billie there is. even the woman she loved more than anyone has the face of another named character.

she sits amongst the assets of other games: empty canvases and a dressmaker's mannequin that wears nothing.

#billie lurk #even the wiki is wrong about her its infuriating #pulled this out of tags because fuck it #in daud's DLCs even the stories that weren't about him were about him #but billie's stories are the scrapheap. they're the stuff they couldn't squeeze in elsewhere. cheap jokes and macguffins #i'm not even roasting the devs for this i think releasing dishonored in 2016 then DotO in 2017 was a feat (derogatory) #games should be made slowly and with love #and i know that everyones talked about this endlessly #but billie is my fav and it sucks that she got a game that only causes me to grieve for her as a character #not FOR her as a person #only the potential story that never was. that she never got. #you can have your strong black woman and not turn her into a trope. give her depth and range and heartache and agency. yes there was traged #but how did it SHAPE her? #dont get me started on her being designated caretaker of a former god and dying assassin. what the fuck #some of this i'd be more okay with if she was younger - i mean. the blank canvases? really? #this game could have been about wyman and there's not that much that would have changed in terms of the core story #“found out the asshole that killed your mother is still around. gonna go deal with that.” #emily who is stoned: “cool.bring me snacks on the way back” #wyman: “oh he's saying actually it was gods fault and that its possible to kill him. well i have literally nothing in my schedule” #billie's not surprised by anything anymore but maybe wyman would freak out over most of it. could have been a lot of fun #also you cant fuck up wymans characterisation. they barely exist. #local empress sends her enby girlboyfriend to kill god #pres writes increasingly deranged essays in the tags #death of the outsider spoilers #i have to complain about doto once every year or so or i die #but i'm not really gonna let arkane hide behind dev excuses when it comes to racism like. its not enough

[warrior-cats-junk]

We had to write stories and mine was a tad bit gay but not mentioned and WHILE I WAS ABSENT THE WHOLE FUCKING CLASS READ IT

I can’t even make this shit up IN THE TWO DAYS I was absent he printed and put stories out even though NONE OF US HAD THE OPTION TO STAY ANONYMOUS AND IM CRYING???

it was so fruity…and had a Free Birds reference…end me…

#not wc #IM CRYING #REAL TEARS #IM CRINGING INTERNALLY #NONONO #IT WAS SO FRUITY #LIKE REALLY FRUITY #I CANT #HELP ME #DEAR GOD THE PAIN IM IN #IM ABOUT TO TEAR MY RIBS IN HALF #WHY WOULD MY TEACHER NOT LET OUR STORIES SAY ANONYMOUS #IM SOBBING #WTH #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #sounds of me having a mental breakdown #also like half the class wasn’t done from what I’ve heard??? #still #THE FUCKING FREE BIRDS REFERENCE AS THE ENDING #NO AHAHAGABAHAHAHAH #SO FRUITY #I CANT IM THROWING MYSELF OFF A BRIDGE #SCREAMING AND CRYING #THE MOST BLOOD CURDLING MOTHER GRIEVING LOST SON EAGLE SOUNDING FORK AGAINST KNIFE AGAINST PLATE SOUND EFFECT FROM ME RIGHT NOW #ACTUALL PLEASE I CANT

[demirose-colored-glasses]

Skye did nothing wrong. They're all neck deep in a lot of emotions. Grief can messy even when it seems like the people are estranged.

#tsitp #the sunmer i turned pretty #skye had every right to say what they did #you have to understand that Skye sees Susannah though all the ways shes hurt their mother with her toxic positivity #like susannah not telling her kids shes dying so they could enjoy the summer would have been EXTREMELY traumatzing to them #even if they found out when she wanted them to #the recent episode proved that she has always just prefeded to sweep any and all emotions under the rug #which means she barely allowed her sister to grieve the death of their father with her #because Susannah decided itd be best for everyone to ignore it #Skye is likely watching their mother try to get rid of the house in an effort to move on from the past in a way she never got to #and that doesn't mean shes totally in the right but it doesnt mean shes evil #and skye had every right to point out that there were two sides here #Skye and their mother are probally having a very hard and conflicting time with the loss #i had a horrible relationship with my father and when he had a stroke i was a wreck because there were so many things that werent resolved #and they werent even my fault they were his #grief hits people like a truck #skye hasnt seen their cousins in a long time and its under such horrible circumstances #and they have taken every chance to shit on their mother #sure a lot of their points are right but there IS more to the story and it is okay that Skye got upset and pointed that out #neither of the sisters are perfect thats how people work #demirose glasses off #i wouldnt be surprised if we learn even more about how dysfunctional the family was when they were kids or other trauma #tsitp spoillers #the summer i turned pretty spoillers

[natasha-in-space]

The Beginning of the End

Chapter 1 of A Wilted Daffodil.

Rika/cmc Chaewon Lee;

Grief is felt differently by everyone. It can be debilitating and overwhelming, to the point where you have no idea how you're supposed to keep on living without the one you lost. Chaewon is no stranger to grieving families and loved ones. Unfortunately, working as a nurse comes with responsibility of bearing witness to some very tragic events. But, she never thought she'd have to see her own dear friend crushed by a sudden loss nobody has ever seen coming.

TW for: pet loss, grieving.

A Wilted Daffodil: Ch. 1 (you are here!), Ch. 2

Can be read over on AO3

"She got run over, Chaewon, she's dead, and it's all my fault. I knew it. I knew I should've listened to Jumin! Why did I ever think that I knew better what she truly needed? She must've suffered so much... I couldn't do anything, I couldn't save her-!"

A horrible chill ran down Chaewon's spine as she held the phone up to her ear. Rika's voice sounded so utterly broken and anguished that she could feel her breath getting caught in her throat, a heavy lump of dread obstructing her airways and stealing her voice away from her. She felt her entire body freezing up completely as all that she could do in the moment was just stand there, not knowing what to do or what to say. Sally meant everything to Rika. She was so much more than just a beloved dog, and Chaewon didn't need to know her friend for long to understand that. Sally was Rika's loyal companion, her first source of comfort when she needed it most, someone who was by her side long before Chaewon, RFA, or even Jihyun first found their way into her life. To lose someone like that... in such a horrendous and abrupt way nonetheless... Oh, God, she was starting to get really scared for her dear friend now. Who knew what she would do in such a vulnerable state of mind?

She curled her free hand into a tight fist, her fingernails digging into the skin of her palm, until she had to hold herself back from wincing. At the very least, this helped her keep her head above water and not freeze up completely. Swallowing down the lump in her throat, she pushed through the paralyzing unease and spoke up, sounding uncharacteristically stuttery and high-pitched for her usual tone of voice. She would feel embarrassed about it, if not for the horrible situation at hand.

"Rika, listen, just- stay on the phone with me, alright? You're at home currently, correct? I'm coming right over. Just- Hold on for me, okay? I- I'll be right there. It'll be okay. I promise" She muttered hurriedly as she sprinted off from the supply closet she tucked herself into to take this call as fast as her legs could carry her, her heart pounding in her chest with so much force, she was afraid it might just stop beating all together. And, she couldn't allow that. Not right now. Her own words sounded so incredibly stupid. Of course it won't be okay. It won't ever be okay. But, she didn't know what else to say. She needed time to think, and she didn't have that luxury right now. So, she ran.

Everything else was lost in the haze of panic, confusion and frustration. It was probably incredibly reckless and irresponsible of her to just abandon her post at the hospital like this, especially right at the beginning of her night shift, but she barely gave a single damn about any of that right now, however selfish it was on her part. Nothing was more important than getting to Rika's side as fast as humanely possible. Before something bad could happen. Before she would get even more hurt than she already was, in one way or another. Chaewon was always a selfish person, deep down, after all. She accepted that. But Rika... Rika gave so much of herself away to help others, to make others smile, to give them hope for a better future.

Rika was nothing like Chaewon, and that's exactly why she didn't deserve to suffer such a loss alone.

Frankly, it was a miracle she didn't get run over on her way there. Her driving was horribly jerky and borderline dangerous. She won't be at all surprised to find a notification about a fine or two for exceeding the speed limit once this all blows over. Even if she knew, deep down, that it won't. And that was scary to think about. She told herself that she was just panicking, and that's why this harrowing feeling was scratching at her insides like a caged wild animal. The feeling of something going horribly wrong. The feeling of things falling apart and never being the same again.

She ignored it.

Somehow, thanks to pure luck, she made it to Jihyun's secluded place safely and with her car intact. She didn't have time to feel relieved, though. None of it truly mattered once she saw Rika's small trembling frame sitting all alone at the front porch, her head tucked tightly into her knees, almost like she was trying to curl herself up into the tiniest human ball imaginable. It looked painful. Chaewon was sure her back must have hurt from staying in such an unnatural position - how long had she even stayed like that? It broke her heart to see Rika like this. Usually, she'd get greeted by cheerful barking and her friend's soft giggling as she stepped through the front gate to usher her inside for a cup of pomegranate tea. Now, she heard nothing but the heartbreaking sounds of hoarse sobs and labored breathing. It all felt like one big horrible nightmare she would wake up from any minute now. She wished she would wake up. Oh, how she wished for this to he nothing but a cruel trick of the mind.

However, this was reality. And she had no choice but to face it head on.

She rushed to Rika's side, clumsily slumping onto her knees in front of her onto the pavement, her hands stopping just inches from touching her. It didn't matter that her pants were now sullied from damp ground from the rain. It didn't matter that she accidentally grazed her hand against the edge of the wooden door that hung right open - another thing that was horribly out of place. It was as if the entire world has faded from existence, leaving only her suffering friend and the deafening sound of her blood pumping in her head, making it very hard to focus. She was honestly starting to suspect that she was on the verge of a panic attack herself, and she wanted to curse at that realization. Of all the times for her to lose her cool, her mind just had to pick this one.

But... She was scared.

She was always terrible at comforting people. She could treat a nasty-looking physical wound and not bat an eye at the blood and gore, fight off a bully just fine or come to someone's defense with a strong word or two without a second thought, but... such fragile and emotionally driven ordeals? They were always Rika's forte. Or Jihyun's, as much as she hated to admit that. Yet another reason why that man would always be better than her in one way or another. But, this was not the time for her pity party. Rika she needed her right now. And any comfort would still be better than no comfort at all. At least, she hoped so. She didn't rush here for nothing.

Don't overthink it, just do it.

"...Rika? We should-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence.

"She's gone forever now, Chaewon, and it's all my fault! I'm never going to see her again. I didn't even... I didn't even get to give her any proper goodbye! She must have died in so much pain, so scared, feeling so hurt and alone... I can't... I can't handle this. Not without her. Oh, Sally... My Sally..." Rika sobbed, choking on every single painful word crawling up from her raw throat, almost like it was her own words tearing at her trachea, and not the globus sensation that appears during emotionally vexing situations. Some part of Chaewon felt gross that she was applying her medical knowledge even in such in an emotional situation. She felt like it was wrong of her. Still, Rika's breathing was growing more and more ragged with every passing second, and she needed to try and fix that. Or, at least mitigate. She knew this was bad. This was very bad. She never saw Rika like this before. So vulnerable, so... so hurt.

She swallowed shakily, trying to make her voice sound softer. This won't do. She needed to ask. "Does V-"

Once again, she was interrupted. She was starting to think that she won't get anywhere at this rate.

"I thought she would be fine on her own. I thought I was doing the right thing! I swear I- I took my eyes off of her for just a moment... I never imagined- Oh, God, I couldn't do anything! Not a single thing!"

"Rika, please, you need to listen to-"

"I wish- I wish it was me who got hit by that car instead! She was so much more deserving of a chance to live! She was good! Not me! I killed her! I- I hate myself! I hate myself for letting her die-!"

"Rika! Stop it!"

On pure impulse, she darted close and gripped Rika's shoulders tight, as her heart dropped all the way into her stomach at such horrible words. She was panicking. Her hands were trembling. Her hands never trembled like this before. What is she supposed to do? What is she supposed to say? Her voice was breaking, every word slipping off her tongue before she could even process them. She couldn't think straight. This was bad. She never acted rationally when she got like this. She would just make everything worse. "Don't you ever say such things! This is not your fault! These sorts of things happen all the time! Please, you had no play in any of this!"

"How can you even say that!? You weren't there!" Rika shouted back, but it sounded more like a broken wail than an angered scream. It still made Chaewon's heart ache all the same. "You don't know how much she suffered, you don't know what pain she was in! If I had just given her that surgery, none of this would have happened!"

Chaewon tried to calm her racing mind by running a hand through her messy black locks that have gotten damp now from the light rain trickling down on them from above. This wasn't good, she was handling this terribly, as expected. She needed to get herself together, think of something, anything. Screaming and arguing won't get her anywhere. This isn't some debate.

"...Sally wouldn't have wanted to see you blaming yourself like this." She murmured in a more hushed tone, letting out a soft sigh to try and calm her nerves before continuing. "She was loved by you. More than I've ever seen anyone love their pet. And you were loved by her, too. You are still loved by her."

Rika whimpered at that, a tiny little sound that almost made Chaewon start crying herself. Her friend looked like a small helpless child: scared, lost, and confused about losing something she never thought she'd lose. It was heartwrenching to see.

"I don't deserve her love... It all feels so empty. Like a part of me was ripped away, and it hurts. It hurts so much, Chaewon. I thought I was used to the pain, but... but it's too much."

There was a part of her that desired to have a separate conversation with Rika about that. Some part of her that had always known there was so much more to the lighthearted beautiful woman she fell head over heels for a year ago. Some part of her that felt concerned about all the tiny signs she pretended not to notice since Rika never brought them up. Some part of her that longed to be the one to ease Rika's wounded heart. But... Wouldn't that be selfish of her? She just wanted to feel wanted by someone who only ever viewed her as a close friend. It wasn't right of her to be greedy. Especially right now. Rika had Jihyun. She was happy with Jihyun. She was supposed to be happy with Jihyun.

Otherwise... what point was there in her just standing by all this time?

Without even thinking, her fingers gently brushed up against the side of Rika's face, finding her skin to be damp and cold. Like the misery she was suffering from on the inside was slowly twisting and transforming what was on the outside to match its cruel image. It hurt her heart to see.

"Please don't say that..." What else could she possibly say? She couldn't bring Sally back. She couldn't ask her not to cry. She couldn't make it all okay. She felt so frustratingly helpless. If only she could take away even the smallest portion of this pain Rika was feeling and experience it instead, she would've done so without a second thought.

"I hate this... Why did she have to suffer? Why couldn't she just live a peaceful and happy life...? What did she ever do to deserve such a horrible death? Why does God always hurt those that are innocent in such cruel ways!?"

Chaewon was unsure of what to say to that. It didn't even seem like Rika was listening to her at this point. She just breathed out shakily, pulling herself up to sit beside her and carefully rest her chin atop of Rika's head once she knew she wouldn't push her away. If only her embrace could protect her from all the pain in this world.

"She's not in pain anymore... I promise." That was all she could muster up, however clumsy it was. She gently pulled Rika's small trembling frame close in a somewhat awkward embrace. She didn't force her to let go of her knees or lift her head. She just wanted to make her feel that she wasn't alone right now. A small sigh escaped her as she could feel a damp spot slowly forming in her shirt where Rika buried her face in, her entire body wracking with painful sobs. She wished their first embrace wasn't under such heartbreaking circumstances.

"...It wasn't your fault." She whispered.

Perhaps it would be better to just be honest instead of trying to wing it. She carefully caressed Rika's head, finding her usually soft and beautiful golden locks to be tangled and rough to the touch. It made her purse her lips tightly in displeasure.

"Rika... I want to help you. In any way I can. Please... tell me what should I do. I... I don't know. I need you to tell me."

"J-Just stay. Please." Rika's voice was barely audible, but she managed to make out what she was saying nonetheless. She could feel her fingers digging into her shoulders, almost to the point where it became painful. She didn't care. "I'm scared..."

"Don't be. I'm here. I'm right here." She mumbled, pulling her friend close, and just letting her cry. Maybe, there wasn't any need for words right now. She didn't know. She just knew that she wouldn't leave her alone in such a state. "I'll be here for as long as you need me to be."

About an hour had passed before Chaewon could hear the sound of a car screeching to a stop near the entrance to the front of the house, with hurried footsteps following soon after. She wasn't at all surprised to see the tall man with messy mint locks once she lifted her head up from where it loyally remained atop of Rika's for the past hour. A silent moment of sorrow passed between the two, nothing but the sound of Jihyun's ragged breaths and the quiet pitter-patter if rain filling the air.

Looks like she's not the only one who dropped everything to come as soon as possible.

"Is she...?"

"I think she fell asleep." She replied quietly, not even needing to hear the whole question. Rika was probably exhausted, both physically and mentally from the immense stress she had to go through in the past few hours. No wonder she eventually just drifted off to sleep. Perhaps, it was better for her to just not think about anything for a while and sleep.

Jihyun sighed, his hands shaking as he fumbled with the corners of his jacket. In some ironic sense, Chaewon found it comforting to know that she wasn't the only one overwhelmed by this situation. Finally, he spoke up again, carefully sitting down on the same porch she and Rika were nestled upon, his hand carefully brushing a strand of his fiance's hair behind her ear. There was genuine heartache in his eyes, and she had to look away from the scene dejectedly. "I came as soon as I heard. I... Is she okay?"

Chaewon had a feeling that his question had more to it than just expressing concern about his lover's well-being. She tried to brush that bizarre thought away, but it remained there, in the back of her mind, like a parasite slowly digging its claws into her mind.

He seemed to be asking if Rika has done anything. To herself or someone else, she had no idea. But, it alarmed her nonetheless.

She shook her head slightly to avoid disturbing her unconscious friend. "I think so. Aside from... possible raw throat, tense back and possible headache, she should be fine. Physically."

She would have noticed any wounds right away, she was sure of it.

Jihyun breathed a sigh of relief, but without any joy accompanying it. She couldn't blame him for it. "Thank you, Chaewon... I am... ever so grateful she had you by her side when I couldn't be there."

The small grateful smile he gave her made her want to scream. He was being genuine, and that was the most unfair part of it all. Jihyun was a good and caring man. Although, she had more in common with his friend Jumin, rather than the photographer himself. She couldn't possibly hate him even if she tried. And, having these ugly feelings of jealousy and envy gnawing at her from the inside made her feel disgusted with herself. Jihyun considered her a friend, and here she is, getting all worked up over him rightfully caring and worrying over his partner.

Damn it, she's selfish.

In a mix of frustration and hurt, Chaewon bit the inside of her cheek, feeling the light taste of copper on her tongue. Right. She was just a friend. To Jihyun and Rika all the same. A close friend. Nothing more. Jihyun was the one Rika truly relied on. He knew sides of her she was never allowed to see.

The worst part of it all? She was aware that Jihyun was a better match for Rika. He was kind, gentle, artistic, loving. He was everything that Rika valued in a person. Meanwhile, Chaewon was blunt, forceful, and practical. She couldn't ever compete with this man for her heart. Did she even want to do that? It's not like she tried. She just stood back, without doing or saying a thing.

This seemed to be a pattern in her life.

Agh, just look at yourself. Your friend just lost her beloved companion, and you're too busy feeling sorry for yourself over some stupid crush. Get a grip. Chaewon quickly chastised herself as she tried to redirect her attention back to what was truly important right now, rather than her pitiful lovesickness.

"We should... probably carry her in. You should have her take a warm bath once she wakes up. Or give her a warm beverage. She might get sick after staying out in the rain like this." She mumbled quietly while untangling a few of Rika's golden locks to keep her mind on something else. She certainly did not want to picture Jihyun taking care of Rika like that. But... She wasn't one to be petty. At least not outwardly. She could be petty, angry and upset all she wanted once she gets home, where her selfish outbursts won't harm anyone.

Jihyun nodded as he carefully stood up from his spot. "Yes, you're right. I'll keep in contact with you. She might need her friend once she wakes up."

"...Right."

Her friend. She sure hoped that didn't sound too bitter. She didn't want to come off as an asshole. Chaewon made sure to help Jihyun carry Rika back into the house, offering a few more tips out of what little she knew. Of course, those were all health-related. Not much she could advise in when it came to emotions.

That night, after a miserable few hours of drinking her stress away, she slumped onto her bed with a bad feeling that kept her up until early morning. A horrible, nasty, chilling feeling. The same one that she felt back in her car. It never left. It just faded onto the bacround. But, it was there. Demanding to be listened to. The feeling of things would never being the same again. The feeling of something horrible awaiting just around the corner. Something that would change everything forever.

A point of no return. The beginning of the end.

And, just like she did before, she ignored it. She always did.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #rika kim #kim rika #rika x cmc #rika x oc #oc chaewon lee #rika x chaewon #tw grieving #tw pet loss #gonna start posting my cmc stories in a more or less chronological order #aside from aus of course #chaewon and rika specifically bc their relationship is very complicated and i am excited to share its many sides #they unfortunately do not get a very happy ending bc i love to keep things realistic #but that doesn't mean they do not care for each other #also this helps get myself writing again jftjftht #i feel like sally's death is one of the most important parts in rika's downfall #after the twins' mother death and mika's manipulation #she blamed herself so much for sally's unfortunate passing #she didn't save her #she COULDN'T save her #because she didn't have control #please let me know if i should add any more warnings! #i swear more cute stuff coming soon #especially with the new wedding cg

[digitalafterlife]

i’ve never made a movie/tv edit to a song in my life but i want to learn just so i can create an edit of nuwho companions’ tragic cyclical stories to this townes van zandt song (woman wanders into the narrative saves the world ends up dead or immortal which are both the same after all or returns irrevocably changed) doctor who edits are cringe probably but not if you’re me about it

#st john the gambler and his bells #when she was 20 years she turned to her mother saying mother i know that you’ll grieve but i’ve given my soul to st john the #gambler and tomorrow comes time to leave #you get me? maybe i should wait until we know ruby’s story but i can’t wait until may #dw #jamie.txt #jamie catches up #Spotify

[impgall]

A woman talks to her maternal grandmother and the whole world collapses

#a woman visits her maternal grandmother with her older sister 1 dying 2 drunk #a woman and her older sister visit their maternal grandmother 2 dead 3 injured the killer is still at large #etc etc a family ruined. shes mothering her mother. shes enemies with herself. after 25 years she remains chained w umbilical cordage #a 5'6 brunette stands in front of a mirror and it reflects back with a 4'11 woman with green hair. listen to their voices #im standing at the end of a hallway. a 4 year old is on the other end. shes speaking Pennsylvanian dutch. #i know her. i hear stories about her. i took a picture of her gravestone a few years back #it was with family plot that we arent related to. #a 13 year old girl sits in the car with her mother. its been a few months since her parents separation. #rejoice! this 13 year old had been promoted to therapist. entry level no experience required. #a woman drinks at a bar with her older sister after visiting their grandmother #a woman grieves the loss of her father with his mother in law #a woman lays on her bed in the evening #she laments her strained feelings towards her family but it wont be forever. one day theyll stop causing strain #and then she'll grieve them too

[kaonite]

here's to healing and peace for the rest of 2023

#its been a rough go and im trying my hardest #i am still grieving the loss of my relationship with my mother and not having any parents to turn to for nurturing. love. advice. etc - #has been extremely hard #but i am trying #and im okay #but still its a hard go #i dont think ill ever have a good relationship with either of my parents ever again #i was fine with letting go of my father but my mom hits harder #after what happened #long story short #this is why I am mostly not online anymore #just have been overwhelmed with a number of things but this hits the most #i know it will be okay #but i still have to grieve #tmi but ya know #thought id share something about my absences #kaonite.exe

[iamonlyhereforthefreefood]

I’m thankful Unmask Alice took the time to tell Alden Barrett’s life story because it’s important to remember that he was a real person who’s life was exploited so Beatrice Sparks could write her shitty “real life” Satanic Panic novel. 

#i've been angry at her on alden barrett's behalf since i learned the story in 2018 #and now that i'm reading unmask alice i'm even more angry #he was a real boy who committed suicide and his grieving mother thought beatrice sparks could help #and that evil bitch fucked them over #fuck beatrice sparks #jay's journal #alden barrett #unmask alice #go ask alice

[nostomannia]

now knowing that mother mary is connected to the name Solita, I’ve been doing a little research into her cause why not. 

Not only is she “Our lady of solitude,” she’s also 

Queen of martyrs

Lily Among Thorns

Living Temple of the Deity

Our Lady of Sorrows

Our Lady of Exile

Our Lady of the Slain

Theotokos (Literally god-bearer)

Woman Clothed With the Sun

Mystical Rose

Star of the Sea

just to name a few that especially caught my eye.

#Fawn speaks || ooc #religion tw #go figure I've been using roses for an aesthetic bc #theres a story of a rose bush growing at jesus' crucifixion which loops back to mary's grieving over her son #also mary is also called our lady of the underground which is also the title of a song in Hadestown which #means that mother mary = persephone in that musical ig KSDLJGBHDLFKJHG;L #but apparently i very slightly mother mary-coded Sol???

[wrdn-tabris]

ooooh my god

#cara speaks #am i projecting #i mean i am i always project onto my faves but do i project famiky ahit onto him mostly regarding death and grief #bc i have t properly grieved my cousins death and justin u know died at like 17 i think #or maybe im just thinking about it a lot bc the anniversary is coming up but am i projecting????? am i i have jo idea #he’ll never know hes got two nephews named after him #my aunt tols this story at christmas bc my mom made manigoti for dinner abt how he visted and came home and went #‘mom your manigoti is good but it doesnt beat aunt beths’ #but ive also been thinking and i love my aunt and my cousins i do but i think abt how i feel #like #justins death severed something in my mom and aunts relationship #bc my mom talks tk me you kno bc live in therapist right AAAY anyways #she said it felt like it was only my aunt was hurt or grieving and like nooo my mother didnt also love justin and jeff n tonya didnt love #him too nooo it was only my aunt and she lost her son but they lost their brother n i lost my #cousin and my mom lost her nephew and wow i cant remember #if grandma was still alive when he died or if she passed after #when we had a family reunion a few years ago they made this nice little video and at the end it showed my uncle andrew n grandma and justin #as a lil in memorium #anyways wow this got away fast am i using dc characters to project my own grief HA I THINK SO

[debtsunpaid]

Let's say cheryl gets to see gemma again (via idk ghost shenanigans? Back from the dead?? Dream visions???) How would she feel about gemma being some sort of wizard full time

AAA THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION!! in short, i think she'd be deeply conflicted, at best, grieving at worst.

first and foremost, that has NEVER been a life that she wanted for gemma — in fact, it's a life she's been so terrified of gemma falling into that she'd rather stay with shitheel tony just to give gemma an "unbroken home," because she's always been under the impression that their turbulent family life (and her leaving) is what led john down the path of the occult in the first place, and she's seen what it's done to john in spades. she remembers how little she used to see of him because of it, and how bad he looked sometimes when she did see him; she remembers every single heartbreaking "final" goodbye, each shocking reappearance after, and how scared she was any time the police came down their street, half-convinced that they were going to come to her door and finally pronounce her little brother dead. she doesn't want that uncertain and tumultuous future for gemma, not in a million years, and if cheryl were still alive, she'd be spending her days petrified for her daughter's safety.

for cheryl, gemma becoming a full-fledged magus would mean that she failed her daughter the same way she failed her little brother; that she couldn't provide gemma the kind of safe, nurturing environment in which people don't feel the need to go plumbing the depths of the insane to feel alive. ( and honestly, cheryl did her best; she had to make a lot of difficult choices and she chose stability overall, she chose going along to get along. but tony was not a good or reliable parental figure to trust, and theirs was not a stable household. )

on the other hand, cheryl will always support her daughter to her dying breath, and far beyond that, as it happens. she knows that gem is quick and clever and brilliant and charming and has a good heart to boot; so while it's not the life she would have wanted for gemma, i think ultimately cheryl would be infinitely proud of her for making do and scraping together the best life she can from what they had to start with. still hand-wringing and agonizing and horribly heartbroken that she can't be there to hug her kid when she's going through a tough time, of course, but the fiercest and proudest mama bear you can imagine. and if she could, she'd be ringing john from hell incessantly to make sure her baby girl is as safe as houses, or so help her jesus she'll haunt him to death herself. ( after she killed him for letting gemma continue chasing after magic in the first place. but, details. )

#OOC. #CHERYL HC. ( there's more to this story than i've been letting on. ) #she's truly like those mothers who will complain about your job and then stuff you full of sandwiches sometimes shdjk #honestly i think gemma grows up to be the woman cheryl wishes She could have been: strong and independent and brave #and i think cheryl grieves that part of herself as much as she grieves the death of gemma's innocence that leads her to Become that woman #there's no conceivable universe in which cheryl is Happy about gemma being a magus #but there's Every universe in which cheryl is proud of her daughter regardless. and would drag herself out of the depths to protect her #ANSWERED.