#had internalised lesbophobia lack of self-awareness due to traumas and because I was overall in a terrible mental place

[wild-wombytch]

Healthy anxiety coping mechanism ✅:

using the sophrology exercises I learnt today before tackling the call with my brother

My toxic chosen anxiety coping mechanism 😈 :

Sending a seething reply with thinly veiled threats to my ex harassing me/being creepy + filling it with radfem propaganda before having a 1min monologue with my brother's voicemail

#as a note : said ex is a male who made me realise that my idea of men was very different than the actual male body and being in a #relationship with one. He's also the kind radblr would want dead. He's a conservative pornsick pua who paid prostitues and raped me #on top of about all the male degeneracy you can imagine. So defo a terrible person I got with only because I was groomed #had internalised lesbophobia lack of self-awareness due to traumas and because I was overall in a terrible mental place #so don't feel sorry for him and please don't question my sexuality over him. I literally had my suicide planned back then #and made a lot of terrible and traumatizing life choices back then in order to self-sabotage and prompted by previous traumas #my agency over this was to break up/return in my country after three weeks of rapes under the same roof only to be raped againj #when I completely wasted myself and was coping with the process of whatever happened to me #I shouldn't have to justify it but some people here are quick to make assumptions and I've come to care a lot about radblr #and understand why some women here are wary of lesbians who have been with men given the rampant bi/lesbophobia #I was already repulsed by the male body before my rapes. i just thought I had to fix it and something was wrong with me and that being #a lesbian was bigoted (thanks TRAs for that one) #Anywaaaaays. I hope y'all are having a better day than me. It was fun to dump on my rapist that he has no business giving his opinion #about my sexuality or anything in general tho 🙃 #Tañ ha Gerioù