#about my sexuality or anything in general tho 🙃

[wild-wombytch]

Healthy anxiety coping mechanism ✅:

using the sophrology exercises I learnt today before tackling the call with my brother

My toxic chosen anxiety coping mechanism 😈 :

Sending a seething reply with thinly veiled threats to my ex harassing me/being creepy + filling it with radfem propaganda before having a 1min monologue with my brother's voicemail

#as a note : said ex is a male who made me realise that my idea of men was very different than the actual male body and being in a #relationship with one. He's also the kind radblr would want dead. He's a conservative pornsick pua who paid prostitues and raped me #on top of about all the male degeneracy you can imagine. So defo a terrible person I got with only because I was groomed #had internalised lesbophobia lack of self-awareness due to traumas and because I was overall in a terrible mental place #so don't feel sorry for him and please don't question my sexuality over him. I literally had my suicide planned back then #and made a lot of terrible and traumatizing life choices back then in order to self-sabotage and prompted by previous traumas #my agency over this was to break up/return in my country after three weeks of rapes under the same roof only to be raped againj #when I completely wasted myself and was coping with the process of whatever happened to me #I shouldn't have to justify it but some people here are quick to make assumptions and I've come to care a lot about radblr #and understand why some women here are wary of lesbians who have been with men given the rampant bi/lesbophobia #I was already repulsed by the male body before my rapes. i just thought I had to fix it and something was wrong with me and that being #a lesbian was bigoted (thanks TRAs for that one) #Anywaaaaays. I hope y'all are having a better day than me. It was fun to dump on my rapist that he has no business giving his opinion #about my sexuality or anything in general tho 🙃 #Tañ ha Gerioù

[dedkake]

Hi Lauren, you seem like a grown up person (tho I'm older than you ;-;) so I'd like to take something off my chest/ask for advice(?). I may be on the ace spectrum, not sure, never tried a relationship, but I really like romance stories/slash stories. The situation that has been bothering me is: I was working somewhere and I realized an older colleague was trying to flirt with me, to the point that he confessed to me (although I had been politely turning him down for ages). (1/2)

(2/2)I felt extremely annoyed and even offended by it?? (but I still was polite to the end) I know technically he did nothing wrong. But man, I was so mad internally. I'm still mad to this day, it literally haunts me. I wonder what I did wrong, how I should have avoided that confession from happening in the first place... Thinking I'll lie and say I'm not single from now on. But u know, if it all had been the plot of a slash fic I'd be all over it! wtf is wrong with me! And how do I get over it?

💜💜💜 please feel free to talk to me any time! talking through stuff is always helpful. i'm not an expert on relationships or asexuality by a long shot--i'm just. shuffling through life trying to figure it out as i go. but sharing experiences with one another is a hugely validating thing!!

there’s nothing wrong with you!! and you didn’t do anything wrong!

the situation you've described sucks! i so so so hate it when i find myself in a situation where people are flirting with me. particularly when i don't realize until later or when outsiders point it out. hate it. can think of a dozen times this has happened over the course of my life in vivid detail because like you said, it's haunting. when it is particularly sexual, it feels like a violation. i don’t view myself that way and it is disconcerting to be reminded that others might. particularly people i have to interact with regularly!

but in general, i think we need to be kinder to ourselves. so i try to keep these things in mind:

i can't control other people. i am not responsible for someone else’s feelings or the way they act on those feelings. i'm not doing anything wrong by putting up my boundaries. i'm also not doing anything wrong by not noticing their feelings in the first place 🙃 literally just not on my radar, my flirty friends. 

intention is the entire basis of any relationship--it's what makes a romance different from a friendship, or one friend different from another. the intention one person has in a relationship can change (bc people change). communication and boundaries are important, particularly when things change.

to your other point:

i don’t have to have experienced something to know i don’t want it. ‘try this food you might like it’ is not the way to go for relationships, particularly if the smell or sight of it makes me gag. i think fish looks good as a picture on the menu, but when you bring it near me, i literally have to walk away because the smell is so nauseating to me.

what i enjoy in fiction has nothing to do with what i want for myself. enjoying romantic/sexual fic or even having fantasies about it doesn't really have anything to do with what i want irl. people who like genres like horror and war do not want to experience those things themselves. even allo people like reading about romantic/sexual scenarios they don't want for themselves.

the time that my lawn guy asked if i was single (true story!) was fundamentally different than an au where character a does character b’s lawn and asks for their phone number. because in the fic, it usually becomes clear that they are both into it! i love the idea of this story! my friends loved the idea of that guy asking me that! i did not want this for me and had to find a new lawn guy! the idea of it and it happening to me were Very Different things.

as for advice. i don’t know. people do things to protect themselves and people do things to comfort themselves. people share more about themselves or less about themselves. it’s a deeply personal choice.

you said in your ask that you’re uncertain if you want to use the aspec label, and you seem upset by the mismatch in your feelings, hobbies, and experiences. i found it worthwhile reading the experiences of people in the aspec community (irl or fiction). regardless of whether you end up feeling more comfortable with an aspec label or deciding it’s not for you, it might help!

reading the experiences of other ace and aro people has helped me So Much. i’ve been lurking on some big ace blogs and reading any ace fic i can get my hands on for years. and it’s also helped me feel more comfortable with myself--embracing being ace and embracing the questioning nature of my aro label is much easier when i’m hearing other people express similar experiences and feelings! 

#hi anon #i hope you're okay #!! #sorry for a delayed response #anonymous #also thank you for thinking i'm a grown up person #ldkfja;sld #i appreciate it #idk if any of this makes sense #or if it's helpful at all <3

[peachydinosaur]

i was tagged by @cyphonism​ to do this a hot minute ago but I couldn’t get it to work on mobile and this is the first time in maybe a year or two I’m actually on tumblr on my laptop lol

NAME: paranoid bitch ♥ but if you’re a mutual you’re welcome to message and i’ll tell you

NICKNAMES: people mostly call me my full name or lizbit but my favorite nickname i’ve ever had was il. i miss people calling me fun names tho so feel free to give me a new one

GENDER: [REDACTED]

SEXUALITY: i’m a bi bitch 😎

HEIGHT: somewhere between 5′6″ and 5′8″, i genuinely dont know and at this point I don’t need to. i know that I’m at least 6 feet tall when i wear my platforms and that’s all that matters ♥

LANGUAGES: english! i used to know a decent bit of french but now i only remember very basic things that i thought were fun.

NATIONALITY: unfortunately, american. i hate it here!

CURRENT TIME: 00:40 when i filled out this part but 1:35 when i actually posted it

FAV SEASON: fall!!

FAV FLOWER: lavender

FAV SCENT: teak wood!! i want my room to smell like teak wood until the day that I die.

FAV COLOR: dark green i think? haven’t thought about it in a hot minute

FAV ANIMAL: domestic cats and all rodents ever :)

FAV FICTIONAL CHARACTER: hmm. i think zuko from atla. he’s a complex and well rounded character with amazing character and redemption arcs.

AVG HOURS OF SLEEP: 6-16 that’s just the way it is when you have to quarantine for fear of your life and have episodes all the time and also convince yourself that time isn’t real   🙃

COFFEE, TEE, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: coffee

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH: 1-3

DOGS OR CATS: full on a cat person. dogs are cool and all but i learned this past year that i do not, under any circumstances, enjoy living with them.

DREAM TRIP: a road trip with people who love me. we have time to stop anywhere that looks interesting. we have no pressing things to get back to or time constraints. we don’t need to stress about spending $20 here and there. we fit in some 420 time. we sleep in ridiculous looking cheap motels and find little local shops and restaurants in the towns we visit. eventually we make our way home. my souvenirs are rocks and stickers and little found objects and tacky things i saw and fell in love with. when we do get home we don’t want to part ways, but we do all want to sleep in our own beds again. i feel at peace.

DREAM JOB: dressing/wardrobe crew for live theater. i’m really hoping that after the pandemic is over i’ll be able to pick up more jobs here and there. i’ve worked two shows and i’ve never felt more fulfilled.

FOLLOWERS: 317 but i’m pretty sure most of those blogs ahven’t been active in years. i’ve got about ten people who interact with my posts regularly.

BLOG ESTABLISHED: 2012

REASON FOR MY URL: when i was in jr high my friend wanted me to join a website to roleplay with her and at the time i was writing a self insert harry potter fanfiction and the character’s middle name was peach and i was like cool, peachy, an adjective. i want a noun next but what noun? hmm. i think dinosaurs are really cool. and then i made it my username on every website i used for the next three years. i don’t use it anywhere else anymore, but i’m very attached to it so i’ll probably never change it to anything else on here.

RANDOM FACT: the fruit orange was named first. the way languages tend to evolve, they start with having very few words for colors, generally starting with primary colors, and eventually they start to have more specific names to differentiate. shades of orange actually used to be considered red. oranges as a fruit had been named that for a while before the word orange was used to describe what we now perceive as the color family of orange :)

Tagging @saintemry​ @peachfern​ @archehalfbatter @pity-boi

if anyone else wants to do this say i tagged you!

#i said things #about me #if anyone wants to come at me about using a 24 hr clock: dont #i CANNOT and will not choose to use a time system where 12 is the first hour of the day and also it jumps from 11 pm to 12 am #that's disgusting! it's confusing!!! #with a 24 hr clock you don't even need am and pm! #you can never ever accidentally set an alarm for 6pm instead of 6am because you don't always notice everything and then end up missing #something important. #you can't do that because there is 6 and there is 18 #the first hour of the day is zero and it goes up from there and after 23? #it's 00 again babey! #also once you get the hang of it it's not at all hard to convert the 24 hr time into its 12hr equivalent #eventually you look at the clock and it says 23:14 and you're like cool it's 11:14 immediately