#haley watches s2
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i'm on a mitski kick rn and haley and hotch are so square coded i'm so sad...
#belle yaps again ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆#'here shake my hand'#'you make such a good man'#'never once did you know me'#<- LIKE OH NOOOO#'i tried my hardest for i never learned'#'god's very simple and love doesn't burn'#:((((#i just watched the ep in s2 where her and jack aren't there after he gets back from a case#it's basically this song#criminal minds#aaron hotchner#haley hotchner
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02 — haunted
summary: “something’s gone terribly wrong, you’re all i wanted.”/“you’re not gone, you can’t be gone.”
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader
genre: best friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst
warnings: rated 16+ for alcohol, religious talk (inaccurate portrayal of Christianity), vomit, INCREDIBLY CANON COMPLIANT ‼️IF YOU WERE TRIGGERED BY S2 EP15 REVELATIONS IN CRIMINAL MINDS, DO NOT READ THIS‼️
wc: 10.1k
a/n: another special mention to @astrophileous for beta reading and hyping me up!! love you loads zahra 🤎 (she's also doing an AMAZING derek morgan series that i have the honour in beta-in so if you have time please do check it out!! it is an absolute work of art)
SPARKS FLY MASTERLIST // MAIN MASTERLIST
There is never a dull day when working at the BAU. After weeks of cases and paperwork, a night out was exactly what everyone needed. A place to get drunk, have fun and unwind– and O'Keefe's was the exact place to do just that.
“You know, you can at least try to look like you’re having fun,” Emily muses, nudging your shoulder.
Emily joined the team soon after Elle had resigned, and as much as you missed your friend, you enjoyed Emily’s company. She’s too observant for her own good; grinning at you from across the room whenever you have the slightest interaction with certain people. She’s a brilliant addition to the team, much to your chagrin, but you know it’s all in good fun. Well, all in good fun for her.
You shoot her a playful glare, sipping on your drink. “I am having fun!”
“Liar,” Emily says instantly, grinning at you. “C’mon, what’s going on?”
“Nothing,” you deny, “I’m just tired. Things have been… busy to say the least. I’m just glad that the team is getting some R&R. Well deserved, might I add. How are you? You know, with joining the team and all that.”
She smiles in your direction before downing a shot and shrugging. “It’s been good! Yeah, everyone is so… welcoming. It’s nice.”
“Different to a desk job?” You ask with a teasing lilt in your voice.
Emily laughs softly. “Yeah, totally.”
Your gaze shifts to where Spencer is sitting, for once enjoying himself in such a crowded area. He’s talking to two strangers at a table, his hands gesticulating as he explains something and the two people seem thoroughly amused.
“So… Spencer, huh?”
You frown. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”
Emily laughs, “You’re staring at him with heart eyes. Anyone can tell. Except for him, apparently.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“For a profiler, you’re a horrible liar.”
You let out something that sounds akin to a dying cow, turning your attention back to your drink. Your attention wavers and it shifts back to Spencer who is enthusiastically talking about something to the two amused guests. He grins at them as they drink, his own cup still full. Derek is thoroughly enjoying himself as he dances with a group of girls, and you can see Aaron and Haley dancing together on the floor as well. It’s wholesome, seeing everyone in their casual wear and just having fun.
“You should talk to him,” Emily tries again, nudging you. “I’ll buy you a drink if you do.”
You raise an eyebrow. “You’re bribing me to talk to my best friend?”
“I’m bribing you to give me entertainment,” she corrects, laughing.
“You’re horrible,” you tell her, smiling, as you walk past her in Spencer’s direction. “I expect that drink to be delivered to me.”
“Deal!” She calls after you, downing a shot as she watches you.
Spencer smiles when he sees you make your way over to him, shuffling his chair to the side to give you more room.
“Hi,” he murmurs, pulling your seat closer to him. “Having fun?”
“I should be asking that to you,” you respond, smiling. The two people he was once talking to take their leave, giggling about something you couldn’t quite make out. “I didn’t mean to scare away your company.”
He immediately shakes his head at your words. “I’d rather talk to you anyway.”
You can’t help the silly grin that spreads across your face or the way your cheeks heat up and you cough. “Well, I hope I can live up to your expectations.”
Spencer laughs, his hand gravitating to your knee and he squeezes good-naturedly. “You exceed them.”
You think he’s trying to kill you and you swear you stop breathing as you choke out, “I’m glad.”
It isn’t long before Emily makes good on her promise, and a waiter appears on your left. He presents a drink to your table, the glass adorned with a lemon rind and a raspberry, and you eagerly take a gulp.
Spencer frowns a little as he watches you drink. “Aren’t you going to question who it’s from?”
“I know who it’s from,” you respond cheerfully, letting out a contented sigh. You offer the drink to him, moving the straw so that it’s pointing in his direction. “Want some?”
He eyes the pink drink suspiciously. “What is it?”
“It’s a Pink Bikini!” You chirp, sipping the drink again. “Like… coconut rum, raspberries, and lemonade. It’s good, Spence, you can barely taste the alcohol.”
His nose scrunches at the idea of coconut rum. “I dunno.”
“You’re not gonna get drunk from one sip,” you protest happily, a little tipsy. “It’s good! Besides, how do you know you’re not going to like it if you never try it?”
“You’re literally drunk right now!” He points out, laughing a little and moving the drink out of your reach. “Give it to me.”
“That’s only because I had a couple drinks earlier,” you argue, lunging for the glass. You’re quick but Spencer is quicker (and taller), and he chugs the drink before slamming it back onto the table. “Spencer!”
He grins at you, smacking his lips as he plays with the paper straw. “I’m protecting you, (Y/N). Who knows what you would’ve done if you drank any more.”
“You’re insufferable,” you chastise half-heartedly, “I was thirsty.”
“I have water,” he says, fishing a plastic bottle out of his satchel. He cracks the lid open, taking a sip himself before passing it to you. “Drinking even moderate amounts of alcohol can lead to dehydration. Drinking water slows down this effect, allowing the liver to metabolise the alcohol that was already consumed. This also means you won’t have as bad a hangover tomorrow morning.”
You beam at him, taking tentative sips from his water bottle. The fact that you’re drinking from the same bottle as him is not lost on you, nor the fact that he finished your drink by using your straw– your lipgloss stained straw– and he didn’t even bat an eye.
“What would I do without you?” You croon, handing his bottle back.
“Probably die of dehydration,” he responds, taking one last gulp of water, before returning the bottle back to his bag.
“Ah, yes, that’s right,” you laugh again, beaming at him. You’re not sure if it’s from the drinks, but you can feel your cheeks begin to flush. Did it get hotter in here?
“Hey, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but we have a case,” JJ pats your shoulder sympathetically, frowning. “Horrible timing, but it’s urgent.”
You all but whine. “But I’m tipsy.”
“I’ve got aspirin in my bag,” JJ says, “you’ll be fine.”
“Stupid serial killer,” you huff, getting up from your seat. “They owe me a day off.”
***
“You know it never fails. Just as I’m getting my groove thang going, bam! We’re back at the BAU,” Derek says, pouring himself a much needed cup of coffee and sitting at the roundtable.
Spencer shrugs. “You know, statistically, a case doesn’t come in with any more frequency if you’re at a party or gathering than if you aren’t. It’s a… trick of the mind. We merely remember the ones that came in that way more.”
“Besides, how long does it take for you to get your ‘groove thang’ going anyway?” You tease, sipping from your own cup of coffee, and Emily cackles from beside you.
“Only when he’s sleeping,” Gideon comments, walking into the conference room and taking off his coat.
Hotch’s brows raise in a mixture of surprise and concern. “Where were you tonight?”
“I told you, I went to the Smithsonian,” he grunts as he sits into his chair.
“You missed a good time,” Emily insists, smiling.
“I had a good time,” Gideon responds, his attention turning back to the screen where JJ was getting ready to present the latest case.
“Well, that’s definitely over,” she says, flicking the screen on. “Georgia. The Kyles– Dennis and Lacy– were murdered an hour ago in the suburban Atlanta home.”
Hotch’s brows raise in surprise. “An hour ago?”
JJ nods. “Police were on the scene unusually fast.”
“Why?” Derek asks, leaning over the table.
“One of the UnSubs called them and told them that the other was about to murder the victims.”
You huff out a laugh in disbelief. “You’re kidding.”
“From inside the house.” JJ purses her lips, gesturing to the transcript that was printed out in their files. “According to the dispatcher, the first male sounded terrified and begged them to get there before the other, who they both identified as Raphael, was about to kill the sinners that lived there.”
“‘Sinners’?” Hotch echoes.
JJ nods again, a grimace painted over her features. “The 911 centre is going to send Garcia the tape.”
“How fast was the police response time?” Spencer asks, glancing at the screen.
“Four minutes, twenty-six seconds. During which time Raphael was able to do…” JJ clicks a button on the remote and an array of gruesome crime scene photos popped up onto the screen. “This.”
“In four and a half minutes?” Emily asks incredulously, frowning.
Garcia immediately turns away from the screen, clutching her mug closer to her chest. You can’t help but cringe as well from the violence presented in the photos: blood everywhere, smeared across the walls and floors of the house, and the victims lifeless.
“Mr. Kyle is a dot-com millionaire. His company is one of the largest employers in the community. There’s going to be media coverage. Also, when they arrived, the police found this displayed prominently on the bed.”
Another image appears on the screen, this time a page of the Bible placed into a plastic evidence bag with a certain section highlighted.
“Revelation, Chapter 6, Verse 8,” Hotch reads for the rest of the team.
Derek can’t help but scoff. “They’re killing sinners.”
“These guys are on a mission. And mission-based killers will not stop killing,” Spencer says with a wince.
“‘And I looked, and behold, a pale horse, and his name that sat upon him was Death,” Hotch begins, eyes trained on the Bible page.
Gideon continues, his voice quiet and grim, “And Hell followed with him.”
***
You sigh tiredly as you slump into the seat beside Spencer, playing with the cap of your water bottle. The sky outside is painted in oranges and purples as the sun begins to rise, and you try to hold back the frustrated groan when you see the blaring ‘4:22AM’ flash on your watch.
“Is everything okay?” Spencer asks quietly, looking over at you.
You shake your head, running your fingers through your hair. “I just… I have a bad feeling about this case. There’s something… off about it.”
He hums in thought, “we’ve dealt with religious motives before, though.”
“I know but just–” you huff, leaning against the headrest. “It’s just weird. I mean, usually if one of the UnSubs were partnered with someone who was a liability, they’d eliminate them. But that’s just not happening here.”
“Don’t think about the case,” Spencer says gently, resting the palm of his hand flat against your knee. “It’ll be fine, trust me.”
When you don’t respond, he pokes your cheek gently shooting you a lopsided smile. “Hey. It’ll be okay.”
“I hope it will be,” you respond quietly, moving so that your cheek is pressed against his shoulder. “But you saw those images; what the UnSubs can do in less than five minutes. I know it’s nothing we haven’t seen before but–”
“(Y/N).” He squeezes your knee again and you flush as he continues to speak. “It’ll be okay. We’ll be back home before you know it. Trust me.”
You nod, although you can’t shake this feeling off. “Promise you’ll be safe?”
Spencer smiles at you. “Promise.”
***
“I think I’m gonna be sick,” you mutter, turning away as the video of Mr. Kyle being murdered plays on repeat. Your stomach churns at the mere mental image that pops up in your mind, and a chill run downs your spine.
The case is a lot more gruesome than you expected it to be, especially when it came to the team’s attention that a video of the murder was circulating the internet. The video was currently being played on loop, with the voice of the UnSubs playing out of the computer. You thought you saw it all but this was unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.
That is, until Spencer stood from his seat.
“Agent Franks?” He whispers, looking towards the lead detective. “Does this building have wireless internet?”
Agent Franks nods. “Yeah. Why?”
Spencer swallows, gesturing to the computer. “That camera’s on right now. The computer has connected itself to the internet; it’s streaming a video feed somewhere.”
Hotch’s concern only deepens, along with the frown on his face. “Can we trace the stream to the destination?”
“If we keep it open, Garcia might be able to–” Spencer begins, only to be cut off by a beeping from the computer.
In bright red lettering, the words: ‘THE ARMIES OF SATAN SHALL NOT PREVAIL’ flash against the black screen before turning off.
“So, they’re controlling it remotely?” Hotch asks, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Is that even possible?” Emily asks in disbelief.
“Yeah, you can totally access someone’s computer remotely. It’s actually done a lot today when a mortal calls for tech support. Instead of giving you instructions the tech can work on your computer from wherever she is,” Garcia explains through the phone.
“And they maintain the access even after the work is done?” Hotch asks.
“They’re not supposed to, but I suppose you could install a Trojan horse.”
Spencer turns to Gideon. “Something left in the computer to be turned on later. It’s the same way that websites get pop-up ads onto your computer.”
“Garcia can you check the Kyles’ phone records and see if they called tech support in the last six months?” Hotch requests as he flips through the Kyle family’s folder.
“Right-o. Oh, and if you get me the laptop I can search the drive for anything implanted there.”
Hotch nods. “As fast as we can.”
“By the way, this video? It’s gone crazy viral.”
Gideon frowns. “What does that mean?”
“That means it’s the most downloaded video on the entire Internet. Worldwide. And judging by the responses people seem to think it’s pretty cool.”
“Call us if you find anything on the Kyles’ computer,” Hotch mutters, before the phone hangs up.
“Honestly, they probably don’t even realise that the video is real,” you say quietly, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I mean, you see a video on the internet. The last thing you’d think is that it’s actual people being murdered.”
“They probably think that it’s marketing for a horror film or something,” JJ adds on, but the look on her face is just as disgusted.
“Well, the UnSubs were right about one thing,” Derek mutters, nodding grimly. “The world is pretty screwed up.”
***
After hours of going through files and trying to find a paper trail, you’re left with a mountain of paperwork in front of you and sore eyes. You press the pads of your fingers against the corner of your eyes, slumping over the table.
“Hey.”
Spencer’s voice brings you out of your thoughts and you peek a look at him. “Hm?”
A takeaway cup of coffee is placed in front of you and you immediately perk up. He chuckles softly, patting your head. “You looked like you needed it.”
You spy the name written across the paper cup and frown. “It’s your coffee.”
“You need it more than me,” he says honestly, smiling. “Besides, I’m okay.”
You take a tentative sip of the drink, the sweetness of the sugar overwhelming the bitter taste of the coffee but you don’t mind it. Instead, you didn’t actually mind it; especially because it’s from him.
“Thank you,” you murmur. “We can share it if you want.”
He shakes his head ‘no’, turning back to the files on the page. “Where did you get up to?”
“Nowhere special. Agent Franks is right; there’s nothing in any of the files relating to knife fights that are remotely similar to the case,” you say, slumping against the table and leaning your head on your arm. “I’ve got six or so left to go through but I’m not getting much luck anyway.”
At that moment, JJ enters the room, holding another cream coloured file. “What if we were looking at this the wrong way?”
Hotch turns to her. “What do you mean?”
“I looked for unsolved home invasions. Three months ago there was a prowler called in directly outside of the Kyles’ house.”
Your brows knit together at her words and look up at her. “A prowler?”
JJ nods. “The witness was walking his dog in a nearby park. Going back to his car, he saw a man in dark clothing go over the back wall and start sneaking up to the house. By the time the police got there, the prowler was gone.”
“Only one man?” Hotch asks.
“Apparently.”
“Was the witness able to describe the man?” Spencer questions.
JJ looks into the papers before shaking her head. “If he did, it’s not in this case file.
Hotch looks at JJ then back at the corkboard. “Is there a name and address to the witness?”
“Tobias Hankel,” JJ reads. “Lives about an hour from here.”
Hotch lets out a heavy sigh, rubbing his eyes. “It’s a long shot, but he might be able to give us a description. Why don’t you and Reid go out there, see if you can find Mr Hankel, and see if he remembers anything.”
You immediately frown, perking up at his words. “I can go too, sir. There’s a safety in numbers.”
“You’re exhausted and we need you here,” Hotch says, immediately shutting your suggestion down. “We don’t need three people to talk to a witness.”
Your face falls and your stomach churns. “I understand that, sir, but it’s late and wouldn’t it be safer if more people go?”
“We’ll be fine,” Spencer reassures, squeezing your arm. “We’ll be armed and we’ve got our phones.”
A small breath escapes you and you nod slowly, chewing your bottom lip. “Okay. Be safe.”
He smiles. “I will.”
JJ snickers lightly, turning to Hotch. “Be safe,” she echoes, grinning.
Hotch can’t help but chuckle as he returns with, “I’ll be so safe.”
“Oh shut up,” you laugh, rolling your eyes. “I’m gonna kill you.”
JJ grins. “But how will that keep us safe?”
You throw an eraser at her shoulder in response and she laughs loudly, walking out of the room. Spencer squeezes your arm again, rubbing your shoulder through the fabric of his jumper before following after her.
It isn’t long before the lead detective rushes into the room, his words flying out of his mouth. “Agent Hotchner, we got another murder.”
***
“Tobias Hankel is the UnSub.”
Five words is all it takes for your world to come crashing down around you. Hankel? The UnSub? Your mouth is dry as the head detective explains about the dogs and you think you’re going to throw up. Your mind spins and your chest pounds with anxiety because oh God, what’s going to happen to the others?
“We sent Spencer and JJ there,” you whisper, your throat closing up. You tug desperately at your collar, trying to breathe. “Oh my God, we sent them there. We sent them there.”
“Hey, hey,” Derek is quick to ground you, gripping your shoulders firmly. “They’ll be okay. It’s
Spencer Genius Reid and Jennifer Bad-ass Jareau. They’ll be okay.”
You shake your head firmly, pulling away from his grasp and clutching your head. “I should be there with them. I should have gone with them. We don’t know what Tobias is capable of, Morgan, something could have happened to them.”
“We’re dispatching police now,” the detective says, getting off the phone.
Tears spill from the corners of your eyes and you try to keep your breathing steady. It doesn’t work. The room is spinning and you can’t see straight. The words your team are trying to get through to you fades into background noise and you let out a choked sob.
“They could be–” Your words don’t make it off your tongue and you turn, gesturing to the black screen that was once playing the video of the woman and the dogs. “Oh my God.”
“(Y/N),” Emily holds your shoulders tightly, her words a mixture of firmness and care as she tries to snap you out of it. “They’re going to be okay. We have to go there now.”
“They can’t be gone. Spencer can’t be gone,” you say, more to yourself than anything. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s go. We have to find them.”
The others don’t need to be told twice. You get into the passenger seat with Emily, trying to calm your breathing. One hour is too long. Why does Tobias have to live so far away? You press the palm of your hand to your mouth, the lump in your throat getting bigger. Hot tears fall down your cheeks as the world becomes a blur of flashing lights and you try not to cry. It’s your fault. You should have been there with him. There’s safety in numbers. Why didn’t you trust your gut?
“Don’t do that,” Emily says sternly, gripping the wheel tighter.
You can’t bring yourself to respond, merely shaking your head adamantly.
“Stop blaming yourself,” Emily tries again, glancing at you for a second before turning her attention back to the road. “It’s not your fault.”
“I should be there with them.” Your voice cracks pathetically and you wipe furiously at your eyes.
“You couldn’t have known.”
“I should have.”
She looks at you again. “Stop. You couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault.”
The rest of the car ride is silent. You’ve learned that this is the hardest part of the job: losing someone. Losing someone because of a job. It seems ridiculous, considering that it’s something so miniscule in the grand scheme of things, and yet it is the most common factor in divorces. A lack of commitment. Instead of committing to something that actually matters and can’t be replaced, their attention turns to something so lacklustre. If Spencer were here he would tell you the exact statistics. If Spencer were here, you wouldn’t even need to think about the statistics.
The sound of sirens echo through the once quiet country area and the police officers file out of their cars. You fasten your Kevlar vest over your chest hastily, fumbling with the clasps as you jump out of the car.
“John, Bobby, take the house with Hotch, Gideon and (L/N),” the captain orders, pointing towards the house.
Your stomach lurches as Hotch busts the door open, and you move upstairs with your gun pointed out.
“Clear!” You yell, rendezvousing with Hotch and Gideon soon after.
“Downstairs is clear,” Hotch says, nodding towards you.
“Then where the hell is he?” Gideon mutters, looking around the rooms of the house.
The blood rushes to your ears and the air grows thick. You can’t breathe. The house is unmaintained with mould growing in the corners of the rooms and dust gathering on the shelves, the paint on the walls cracking from water damage. Your eyes sting as the air pricks at your skin, and your legs carry you down the stairs and out the house.
“JJ,” you breathe, your eyes wide as you meet the blonde sitting at the back of an ambulance. You pull her into a hug. “You’re okay.”
It’s a different JJ to what you’re used to. She’s always been put together with not a hair out of place. She’s usually so full of life and mirth, bringing a sense of serenity and security when you need it most but this…
Her blue eyes are red and puffy from crying and she’s shaking miserably against your body. She scratches at her wrists and picks at the bandages, her bottom lip trembling. Her gun is set beside her, not in the holster she usually carries it in.
“(Y/N),” she sobs, her voice cracking. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“What happened?” You demand. “Where’s Spencer?”
“I’m so sorry,” she repeats, shaking her head. “I tried–”
“Where is he, Jennifer?” You ask, pulling away from her like she burned you. “Where is he?”
She sobs again, clutching her head. “I don’t know, we separated–”
“What do you mean you separated?!” You’re trying not to scream. Your thoughts are running a million miles an hour. Spencer is gone. He’s gone. “Why would you do that?”
Jennifer lets out a wail, trying to explain herself through broken words. “We didn’t– he said– I’m sorry I’m sorry–”
“‘Sorry’ doesn’t bring him here, does it?” The words are harsh and low, and you tug at your collar again. “He’s not here, Jennifer! Does that mean nothing to you?!”
“(L/N), that’s enough.”
Hotch’s voice makes you snap your head in his direction and you see red.
“I told you I should have gone with them,” you snap, and it doesn’t even occur to you that this man is your boss. “If I went with them, Spencer would still be here right now!”
“(L/N).”
“No.” You glare at him menacingly, too deep in your anger to even comprehend anything else. “He should be here right now! He should– he should be spouting out statistics or coming up with some theory! He should be here and he’s not!”
“We’ll find him. Trust me.”
“I did!” You yell, your voice fervent. “I trusted your judgement! And look where that got us. Spencer is gone. He’s not here, Hotch, because I trusted you!”
“(Y/N), enough.” Hotch is firm and he stares you down. “That is enough, do I need to remind you who you are speaking to?”
In an instant you stop, your heart lurching and you quiver. “... This is my fault.”
He immediately shakes his head no. “It’s not your fault.”
“I should have gone with him. I should have– it’s my fault. It’s my fault.” Your eyes well with tears and you tug at your hair erratically. “He can’t be gone. He’s not gone. He’ll figure something out. Why didn’t I do something? I should have–”
“Stop it. (Y/N), stop.” Hotch grips your shoulders squarely, bending down so that he’s eye level with you. “Take deep breaths.”
Your lungs burn as you try to breathe, hot ragged breaths leaving your lips shakily as you cover your face with the palms of your hands. Tears fall down your cheeks and gather in your hands as you make a desperate attempt to calm yourself down. It’s all too much. The sky is pitch black and the feeling of cold rain stings and bites your skin. The sounds of sirens fade away and for a moment it’s just quiet. Quiet, except for the words and the voices that swirl in your mind.
“A man that matches Hankel’s description was spotted in the next town over.”
Derek’s words bring you out of your thoughts and you manage a soft, “What?”
“Alright,” Hotch nods, before turning back to you. “Go back to the police department.”
“What?” Your ears are ringing. You must have heard wrong. “No. No, no, I can’t– no, Hotch, I’m not going back to the police department. Spencer is missing.”
“You’re too close to the case.”
A humourless laugh leaves your lips as you stare at him. “We’re all too close to the case, Hotch. Look around!”
“You attacked JJ and you raised your voice at me. I want you to go back to the police department and work the case from there.” He speaks to you as if he were speaking to a child and it makes you feel sick.
“Oh, so you’re punishing me?”
“No, I’m using you,” he says firmly, and then his voice softens. “It won’t do you any good to be here, (Y/N), you know that.”
“Aaron,” you try again, your voice wavering. “Please, don’t do this to me.”
“Go back and find us something that we can use.” He turns to one of the policemen. “Make sure she gets there.”
The policeman nods, tipping his hat, and gesturing for you to follow him.
“Wait I– let me talk to JJ. I need– just, please,” you say quickly, clearing your throat. “Sir.”
He’s sceptical before nodding. “Go ahead.”
You don’t need to be told twice. In moments you turn back to the ambulance, letting out a heavy breath. “I’m sorry.”
JJ shakes her head adamantly. “No, you’re right. It was my fault.”
“It’s not,” you say quietly. “I know Spencer and I know you. It was… probably his idea to split up.”
She smiles wryly, fiddling at the bandage on her arm.
“It’s not your fault,” you say again. You’re not sure who you’re trying to convince anymore. “You went through something too and I ignored that and that wasn’t right of me. I’m sorry.”
JJ sniffles, pursing her lips. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” you respond quietly, patting her arm. “I need to go. Um, Hotch wants me off the case, or something.”
She nods. “Okay.”
You look at her again, the guilt building like bile in your stomach. “I really am sorry.”
“I know,” she whispers, wiping the tears away from her eyes. “We’ll find him.”
You don’t respond.
***
Everything hurts. His head is pounding and he can feel the sticky blood drip from the side of his head and against his cheek. His feet hurt from each thwack of wood, and his wrists hurt from the handcuffs. It’s cold. So, so cold, and he feels so weak. No amount of knowledge or training could have prepared him for this.
Spencer’s throat throbs from crying. No matter how many times he tries to convince whatever personality is taking over Tobias, it never seems to work. What’s the point of being a profiler if he can’t even save himself?
The creaking of the door brings him out of his thoughts and he jolts. Tobias, at least who appears to be Tobias, enters the room carrying a slaughtered animal. A shiver runs down Spencer’s spine and all he can do is watch.
“You need to eat,” the man says, his voice strangely soft and oddly calm.
“What’s your name?” Spencer asks, his voice small.
The man looks back at him. “Tobias.”
“Tobias, who was here before?” The fear is obvious in his voice and Spencer just wishes for an ounce of Hotch’s stoicism or Derek’s bravery.
Tobias chuckles weakly. “It was probably my father. I’m sorry if he hurt you.”
Before he could comprehend his movements, Tobias takes off his belt and walks over to him. Spencer fears the worst. Did Tobias’s father take over again? He tries to inch away, struggling against the restraints as best he could.
“W-What are you doing?” Spencer asks shakily, trying to pull away from him.
Tobias doesn’t respond, slipping one end of the belt above his elbow. Everything begins to click.
“No, no. Don’t. Please, please don’t.” He resorts to begging.
In this moment, Spencer hates the way his mind works because he doesn’t need to know the statistics. He doesn’t need to know that 75% of drug abusers started out using pain killers. His head swirls with what Tobias could be using. Codeine? Heroin? Opium? The list goes on and he tries to keep his breathing steady.
“It helps,” Tobias says, ignoring the way Spencer trembles and shakes his head adamantly. “Don’t tell my father. He doesn’t know they’re here.”
Tobias takes the syringe and the bottle out of his pocket and Spencer sobs even harder. He tries to appease him again, shrinking away as best he could in his chair.
“Please,” he tries again, his chest heaving and tears wetting his waterline. “Please, I don’t want it, I don’t want it.”
“Trust me. I know.”
“Please,” he begs, tears slipping down his cheeks. “Don’t.”
Tobias doesn’t listen.
The effects are far too quick for codeine, heroin or opium and Spencer can feel it hit. He knows it’s wrong. He can go on for hours about the statistics about it but the feeling so euphoric that he can’t help it. And then he sees it.
“We have another recruit as well. Came in a couple weeks ago,” Derek told him, walking him through the halls of the BAU headquarters. “She’s part of the academy Honours program. Top of the class, apparently.”
“Oh.” Spencer nodded slowly, fidgeting with the zip of his bag.
Derek grinned. “Relax, kid. You still have the most impressive résumé. She’s just an intern; doing paperwork, mainly.”
“I wasn’t– I wasn’t worried about that,” Spencer stammered, wetting his bottom lip. “I mean– not that I think she isn’t smart or anything. I just meant–”
“Kid, I mean it when you have to relax,” Derek snorted as he opens up the door to the bullpen “Meet the rest of the team.”
He walked through the doors, ready to make his mark. He’s spent so long believing that he was nothing but now… he took another step, meeting Hotch’s gaze and– he didn’t get very far when something catapulted into his side. There was a flurry of paper work and cream coloured files, case details splayed all over the floor. Spencer grunted a little, tumbling to the ground like a house of cards.
“Oh, my God, I am– I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going and I was running and I am not used to office attire! I am so sorry!”
The ramblings of a girl– she couldn’t be older than him, at least, not by much– filled Spencer’s ears and he grimaces. “No, it’s– it’s okay. Don’t– uh– don’t worry about it.”
“(Y/N)...” JJ huffed out a quiet laugh, helping the other girl to her feet. “Are you guys okay?”
“I’m okay,” Spencer said, slowly getting to his feet.
The girl didn’t do the same, instead scrambling to pick up the multitude of papers that litter the floor. “I’m fine! Just– great. Great. Brilliant.”
Spencer immediately started to reach for the papers, trying his best not crumple them up anymore than they already were. “You’re… the intern?”
“Is it that obvious?” You ask, breathless. “I’m still getting used to all…” You gesture wildly to the interior of the bullpen. “... this.”
“(Y/N), meet Doctor Spencer Reid. He’s the youngest addition to the team. Reid, meet (Y/N) (L/N). She’s part of the Academy Honours Program,” Gideon introduces, peering at the two of you from behind his glasses.
“Hi,” you said meekly, stretching out your hand.
His words hitched in his throat because once he’s gotten past the flying papers and the fact that you literally ran into him, he realises just how beautiful you are. You were right there in front of him, close enough to touch but–
“I don’t shake hands,” he said quietly, the anxiety gnawing at his stomach. His fingers twitch at his sides and he moves them to grip the handle of his satchel. “Sorry.”
You smile at him and his heart thunders in his chest. Is this how Romeo felt when he met Juliet? Or how Charles Bingley felt when he met Jane Bennett?
“It’s okay,” you told him, tucking the papers under your arm. “Don’t worry about it. So, you’re a doctor? That’s really cool!”
“Reid here got accepted into the BAU without even taking a physical exam,” Derek chimed in, practically bragging about Spencer’s intellectual prowess. “Isn’t that right, kid?”
“I’m not an athletic person,” Spencer said awkwardly, his worries dissipating when he heard you laugh good-naturedly. Regardless, he felt the urge to defend himself. “I’m not weak.”
JJ laughed along. “We know, Spencer.”
“I’m not weak… I’m not weak…”
“I don’t give a damn whether you’re weak or strong.”
Spencer barely manages to blink his eyes open as he hears the familiar timbre of Tobias’s father’s voice fill the room. He’s slowly coming down from the high of the drugs and the room spins as he does.
“Yell all you want boy,” Tobias sneers, bending down so that he’s eye level with Spencer. “Ain’t no one gonna hear you where you are.”
As if to prove his point, he begins to scream. Deep and rumbly, and it jolts Spencer back to reality. He wishes he was careful. He wishes he was with you.
***
“Tobias has dissociative identity disorder,” Garcia explains to you through the phone, and you slap a hand to your forehead.
“That makes so much sense,” You mutter to yourself, pacing around the room of the police department. “I should have seen it. It was right there in front of me and I missed it.”
Penelope hums, her voice tense with worry. “Don’t beat yourself up about it. No one knew until we started digging into the journals and cross-checking dates.”
“I know but–” You rub your eyes, cringing as stars litter your vision– “it was just so obvious. What else have you gotten?”
It has been a little over ten hours since Hotch sent you back to the police department and you haven’t gotten much sleep. You tried, you swear you tried, but every time you see the terrified face of Spencer and it makes you sick. The whiteboard in front of you is littered with different evidence files and profiles. Profiles on Tobias, profiles on the victims, geographical profiles… the list goes on.
“We know that Tobias is an addict,” Emily says. “He picked dilaudid as his poison.”
“For someone so hellbent on following the Bible, he’s incredibly hypocritical,” You say, jotting down the words onto the whiteboard.
“His personality is split into that of his father, Charles, and Raphael,” Emily continues, and you can hear the frown in her voice.
You’re about to say something when Garcia’s voice raises by an octave.
“Oh God,” she squeaks, and you can hear the clicking of keys in the background. “Morgan? Emily, get the others, oh my God!”
“What’s going on?” You demand urgently, gripping the phone tighter. “Garcia, what’s going on?”
“It’s Spencer,” her voice is hushed and far from the speaker, and your heart sinks to your stomach.
“What happened? Penelope, what happened?”
“We have to go,” she says hurriedly, and the sound of footsteps from the rest of the team fill the speaker.
“No! Wait, don’t hang—“
The sound of the prolonged dial tone echoes in your ears and you resist the urge to scream. You press the pads of your fingers to your eyes, hot tears wetting your skin. Crying will get you nowhere and you know that. You know that Spencer is holding on. He’s relying on the BAU to save him.
You gather all the available files on Charles Hankel, spreading them around the table. There’s not much to read; he’s lived a relatively quiet life. He was a farmer, his wife left him… dead end. Again. You’re at your wit’s end and you grab your keys.
“John, want to work on a federal case?” You ask, shaking your keys. The younger policeman nods eagerly and you point to the door. “Great. Let’s go.”
It’s a small country town in Atlanta. Someone has to know something, especially if Tobias was a drug abuser.
“We’re going to a few Narcotics Anonymous groups,” You explain to John who looks a little too excited to be sitting in a federal car. “Ask questions on Tobias Hankel and Charles Hankel. Someone has to know something.”
“All due respect, um, ma’am,” John stammers, and you raise an eyebrow amusedly. He coughs before continuing, “why aren’t you with the rest of the team?”
You falter, turning your attention back to the road. “They need me to work it from here. It doesn’t matter, anyway.”
Two miserable hours pass by with not much luck. Two hours that could have been used for something more meaningful than asking a bunch of drugged up assholes about the UnSub. Anxiety claws at your chest again as you flick through the answers. It’s nothing you didn’t already know.
“I got something,” John says a little breathlessly, jogging back over to you.
“Yes?” You need something. Anything.
“A few sheep were stolen off of a farmer’s property,” he says, flipping through the notebook and reading off his scrawny handwriting. “Wasn’t Charles a farmer?”
“What does that have to do with–” You feel your mouth go dry and you turn to him. “Which farm?”
“Which– um…” He swallows. “Mcallister? Shawn Mcallister.”
In seconds you’re dialling Garcia again and she picks up with a trembling, “hello?”
“Is Spencer alive?” You ask firmly, slamming the car door.
“Y-Yes. He’s– it’s not good, (Y/N),” she whimpers, clicking on the keyboard. “There was another murder. Spencer had to– he had to– he had to choose who to save. The UnSub fed a video to us, (Y/N), it’s horrible.”
There was another murder? John seizes up beside you and you grimace. You keep forgetting that John is practically a kid, barely twenty-one, and he hasn’t even seen the horrors of the world yet.
“But he came back, right? To Spencer?” You ask, gripping the steering wheel tighter in an effort to keep yourself steady. “Penelope, Tobias posted a video of the latest murder, right? When was it posted?”
“9:23,” she says woefully, typing away.
“Okay, and…” you check the police radio, biting your lip nervously. “Okay, it says that the call for the murder came in at 9:04.”
There’s a little static in the background along with some shuffling before she responds. “Um… okay?”
“John, I need a map. Where’s– goddamn it– where’s the map of the area, John?!”
He fumbles, spreading the paper open. “Here!”
“That road– it’s 60 miles an hour, right? That means he needs to be–” you scribble across the map, frowning. “That’s within seventeen miles of the crime scene. There’s a farm, uh, poaching or something. Mcallister farm?”
“We’ll find something,” Penelope says quietly. “I’ll try find the farm area. He is going to be okay, I promise.”
You let out a heavy breath. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
***
The guilt alone is enough to kill him. Spencer knows that he is not at fault for this; Gideon said so. Regardless, he can’t get their faces out of his head. They were happy. What if they had kids? They were good people; they didn’t deserve to die the way they did. Spencer’s head pounds as he slumps against the chair, his breath quickening when he realises that Tobias is right there.
“Sorry, I had to leave for a while,” Tobias, the real Tobias, says quietly, strapping the belt to Spencer’s arm again.
He’s felt this so many times now. The high, and then the inevitable low. There’s no point fighting it, Spencer tries to justify, it’s biology.
“You can leave again,” he says softly, “and you can take me with you.”
“My father would be angry,” Tobias says, drawing the liquid up the syringe.
“Not if he can’t find us.”
Tobias scoffs. “He always finds me.”
“If you tell me where we are, my friends will come and they’ll save us,” Spencer pleads, trying to look him in the eye.
“We can’t be saved,” he says dismissively, flicking the syringe.
Spencer sniffles, and for a split second he feels the fear course through his veins. “We can. We can, I promise, if you tell me where we are I’ll save us both.”
“Listen to me. It’s not worth fighting.” Tobias pauses, readying the syringe. “Tell me it doesn't make it better.”
The silence that follows is humiliating. He hates the way that he isn’t fighting anymore but he can’t. It’s almost as if his body doesn’t even want to listen to him. Tobias doesn’t waste another moment and the familiar feeling of artificial ecstasy floods Spencer’s mind.
“Tell me something I don’t know about you.”
The phrase was so unfamiliar and Spencer’s brows furrowed as he looked at you. It has been a couple weeks since you were officially indoctrinated into the BAU and he couldn’t be any happier. It felt nice to talk to someone who was his age, especially because he never really knew anyone of his age back in Las Vegas.
“What do you mean?” He asked.
You laughed and his heart fluttered in his chest. He remembered the feeling distinctly; how could he forget? The feeling is still the same now.
“I mean… tell me something not a lot of people know about you. Like… okay, I’ll go first. Um… my favourite flowers are hydrangeas. The purple ones.”
He committed that information to memory. Every year for your birthday he would buy you a new pot of hydrangeas for your apartment or something flower related like an automatic waterer or a replacement sun lamp.
“Hydrangea macrophylla,” Spencer said slowly, his cheeks flushed. “It means… gratitude, grace, and beauty. It’s fitting.”
He relished in the way your eyes lit up and the way you smiled at him. “Okay, your turn. Tell me something I don’t know about you.”
“Um… my middle name is Walter?” He chuckled awkwardly, wetting his bottom lip. “No one really calls me that, though.”
You typed something on your computer, reading out loud, “The name Walter is Germanic in origin and means ‘commander of the army’.”
His cheeks burned in embarrassment and he nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
“I like it.” You grinned at him. “Walter.”
Spencer choked a little, the hairs on his neck standing on end and heat crawling up his cheeks. “You– you don’t have to call me that.”
“I won’t if you don’t like it,” you told him.
“It’s not that I don’t like it,” he said quickly, his eyes widening. “I’m just not used to it.”
He remembers the way you beamed at him and the way he felt knowing that he made you happy.
“Well then,” You began, meeting his gaze, “I guess that means I just have to call you that more often.”
Tobias’s yelling brings him back and all he can do is stare as he watches him slam on the keyboard angrily. A bright red pop up is flashing on his computer, and Tobias turns to Spencer with a murderous scowl.
“They’re trying to silence my message.”
“I can’t control what they do,” Spencer defends tearfully, his voice wavering. “I’m not with them, I’m with you.”
Tobias scoffs again. “Really?”
He types something onto the keyboard and Gideon’s face show’s up on the screen. He’s leaning towards the camera, his words a mantra that Spencer repeats in his mind.
“Reid,” the crackly audio sounds with Gideon’s voice, “if you’re watching, you’re not responsible for this, understand me? He’s perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He cannot break you.”
Tobias slams the computer off, walking back to him. “You think you can defy me?”
“I don’t know what he’s talking about–”
“You’re a liar!”
Spencer can only grimace in response, the words caught in his throat. Tobias must have been able to see something and the fear creeps into his heart again as the man lunges for his arm. Tobias forces Spencer’s sleeve up and the guilt crashes like waves.
“You’re pitiful,” Tobias sneers, “Just like my son.”
Spencer wracks out a sob, silent pleas of mercy never leaving his lips. Maybe he does deserve this. Maybe, in some sick and twisted way, the universe is out to get him for all his shortcomings. Maybe, he thinks to himself as he watches Tobias turn the camera on, maybe he does deserve to die this way.
“This ends now,” Tobias snarls. “Confess your sins.”
“No,” he whimpers.
Tobias’s fist collides with the side of Spencer’s face with a resounding slap.
“Confess!”
“I haven’t done anything…”
His fist meets Spencer’s cheek again and all he can do is recoil in his chair.
“Tobias, help me,” he manages, but his plea is shut down almost instantly.
“He can’t help you, he’s weak. Confess!” He hits him again and the pain is almost too much to bear. “Confess your sins.”
Spencer sobs. “No…”
In a fit of anger, Tobias throws Spencer to the ground. It hurts. Everything hurts as he feels the back of his head meet the cold musty ground. He can’t breathe. He feels like he’s underwater. Have to breathe, he needs to breathe, why can’t he breathe? He needs to see you again. He can’t die like this. He can’t, he can’t, he needs to breathe. He tries to take a breath of air but it’s like his mouth is full of water. And just when he thinks he reached the surface, he’s pulled under once again.
Warmth. The feeling of his blood pumping to his ears is the first thing Spencer feels and his fingers twitch. He’s alive. There’s only one reason why that must have happened.
“I was given CPR,” he rasps out, Tobias’s words swirling in his head.
“There are no accidents,” Tobias says slowly. “How many members are in your team?”
Spencer can barely whisper the word. “Eight.”
“Seven, not including you. ‘The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail and they were thrown to Earth’.” He hoists Spencer’s chair upright, standing before him. “Tell me who you serve.”
“I serve you.”
“Then choose one to die.”
Spencer blanches, looking up at him. “What?”
“Your team members. Choose one to die.”
He doesn’t need to think when he responds, “kill me.”
Tobias jeers. “You said you weren’t one of them.”
“I lied.”
“Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies.”
Spencer breathes in as if it were his last. “No.”
Tobias pulls out a revolver from his jacket pocket, spinning the cylinder before aiming it for Spencer’s head. “Choose, and prove you’ll do God’s will.”
“No.”
Tobias clicks the trigger and nothing happens so he repeats, “choose.”
“I won’t do it.”
The trigger clicks again and nothing happens. “Life is a choice.”
“No.”
Spencer’s mind is racing. His first thought goes to you. He knows you would understand any and all references he throws in your direction, but it makes him sick just thinking about putting your life on the line. He needs something. He needs to think.
“Choose.”
“I choose…” his voice stammers and he can barely see straight. “Aaron Hotchner.”
***
“We got him.”
The words echo in your mind as you pace up and down your hotel room, chewing on your destroyed nailbeds. It’s nearing two in the morning and you can’t sleep. The rest of the team are awake. Why should you be given the privilege of rest when none of them were able to? Why should you be given the privilege of rest when Spencer is out there fighting for his life? It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair.
When you hear the sirens outside you run out the door. Blood is pulsing in your ears and you’re still wearing the thin hotel slippers but it doesn’t matter. How could anything else matter? The car door clicks open and Emily helps Spencer out of the car. She whispers something to him and he looks in your direction. Those big hazel eyes stare at you with so much hurt and you can’t contain it anymore.
“Spencer.”
His arms wrap around your waist, his nose pressing against your neck as he holds you, breathing in the smell of your vanilla perfume. He almost doesn’t believe you’re real. He pulls you impossibly closer, sniffling, and he can feel your fingers run through his hair.
“You’re okay,” you whisper, trying to be reassuring, but he can hear the way your voice cracks. “You’re okay.”
“I should have listened to you,” He whimpers, feeling the cold wet rain soak through his shirt. “I should have– I’m so sorry.”
You shake your head. “Don’t be, Walter.”
The moment he hears that name spill from your lips he begins to cry. He’s okay. He’s with you now. You’re right here.
“I thought–”
You shush him for the first and last time, squeezing his arms. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay.”
He wonders how a person could be so warm. Even in the cold Atlanta weather you’re still so warm.
“Hotch wouldn’t let me work the case from the house,” you tell him quietly as you sit beside him on the bed. “Understandable. I screamed at him.”
He chuckles a little, flinching when you gently pull the bandage off the side of his face. He feels a lot better now that he’s clean, the shower more than necessary and he savours the feeling of warm water on his skin. The gash on his head is oozing sticky blood and you dispose of it accordingly, reaching into the first aid kit.
“It’s gonna sting a little,” you tell him, pressing a damp cloth to the wound.
He hisses at the contact, gripping your arm and he tries to change the subject. “Why did you scream at Hotch?”
You hum, continuing to clean the blood off his head. “I was mad at him.”
“It wasn’t his fault.”
“I know.”
You smile at him, applying a new bandage to his head. “It’s okay. I was able to help the case from here, anyway.”
“Stay with me,” he whispers, squeezing your hand. “Please?”
Your gaze softens. “Of course, Walter.”
He curls into your side, an arm wrapped around your middle and he breathes in the scent of your strawberry and honey shampoo. Your fingers curl in his hair, untangling the knots when your eyes flicker to your desk, the letter of resignation tucked inside your bag. He doesn’t need to know that. At least, not yet.
***
You knock at the door of Hotch’s office, chewing on your bottom lip. You remember being in this office for the first time four years ago when you were an intern; the way you shook with nerves and anticipation as you handed in your résumé for the honours program and then again when you were hoping to take the job full time. It’s ironic that you’re back at his office again, but for a very different reason.
“Come in.”
The breath that leaves your lips is shaky and you take a seat in front of his desk. “Hotch.”
“(Y/N).”
You place the pristine white envelope onto the desk,watching the way his face shifts from stoic to surprised.
“You don’t have to do this,” He says, not touching the envelope. “The situation at hand was stressful. No one blames you for reacting the way you did.”
“It’s not just because of that,” you say slowly. “You were right. I was too involved.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not true.”
“It is,” you say quickly, a humourless laugh slipping at your words. “I would have killed him.”
Hotch looks at you, his eyes meeting yours. “You wouldn’t have.”
“I would have,” you say surely. “After what he did to Spencer, if I had found him I would have killed him. And I would have– I would have slept well. I love this team, Hotch, but I can’t separate those feelings when I’m on the field no matter how hard I try.”
He’s quiet for a moment before nodding, rising from his seat. “I’m assuming it’s a two-week’s notice?”
You nod, also getting up from your chair. “Yeah. I– I don’t want to just leave, you know?”
“We’re going to miss you,” he says, walking with you to the door, “but this will be good for you.”
“I know.” You can feel the stares of the rest of the team through the glass and you can’t help but smile. “They’re horrible at being nonchalant.”
“They’re profilers,” Aaron chuckles. “Can you blame them?”
“I guess not,” you muse, pulling the door open. “Thank you, Aaron.”
“You always have a place here, (Y/N),” he says gently as you walk back down to the bullpen.
It doesn’t take long before the overflowing dam of questions burst and in moments Emily is crossing the room and sitting next to you.
“You’re leaving the BAU?”
You look at her with wide eyes before laughing a little. “You… are very good at your job, huh?”
“Oh…” Penelope tackles you in a hug, her arms tight around your frame. “We’re going to miss you.”
JJ sniffles a little, joining the hug. “Don’t forget us.”
“As if I ever could.” A bittersweet smile rests on your lips.
Derek hugs you as well, his chin on the top of your head. “Look after yourself, kid. We’ll make these last two weeks the best you’ve ever had.”
“If you ever need anything…” Emily begins slowly, squeezing your hands. “I’m here, okay?”
Gideon pats your shoulder lightly, a sad smile on his face. “You’re a good person. Never forget that.”
You nod, trying to blink away the tears that fill your eyes. “I know. Thanks, you guys.”
The opening and shutting of the BAU doors brings you out of your thoughts and the familiar head of brown hair stalking away makes your face fall. Gideon meets your gaze, gesturing towards the door. That’s all you need to run out of the bullpen.
“Spencer– Spencer, wait, please.” You tug on his arm desperately. “Please–”
“What do you mean you’re leaving?” He asks, his voice cracking. It has only been a few days since the incident and he looks a little better. The scratches on his face are still visible, but they’re fading slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I–” you falter, flinching at the pain and hostility in his voice. “It was never a good time.”
He scoffs quietly, rubbing at his arm. “You should have told me.”
“I couldn’t just randomly tell you,” you say, frowning. “How would that be fair?”
Spencer rubs his eyes, the dark bags beneath them even more prominent. “Why are you leaving?”
“I have to,” you say gently, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I love this job but I can’t do it anymore–”
“Why not?!”
“Because–!” You exhale, trying to calm yourself down. “Because I swore an oath when I took this job that I will put this country above myself. And I can do that. I would die for this country to protect the people in it, I will hunt down the people who make this country so unsafe and I will sacrifice myself willingly, but you? I can’t– I can’t lose you. If I had to choose between catching the UnSub and saving you, I would save you in a heartbeat. Even if that meant letting a bad guy go. Even if that meant more people would get hurt I would still choose you and I can’t let that happen.”
Your words deem him speechless and he shifts his weight on his feet. For a moment, all he can do is stare at you as your reasoning sinks in. It makes sense. He hates that it makes sense.
“So that’s it?” He asks quietly, finally looking you in the eye. “You’re actually leaving?”
“Not for another two weeks,” you tell him truthfully. “Besides, you can still text me. And call me. You know where I live so you can always visit.”
He bites the inside of his cheek anxiously, teetering on his feet before hugging you tightly, burying his nose into your hair. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
“I’m going to miss you too.”
His grip is tight around you and if you paid attention you could feel him tremble. “I can’t do this job without you.”
“Don’t say that,” you whisper. “You can, Walter. You’re stronger than you think you are.”
There are so many things he wishes he could tell you. You’re right here. He doesn’t have to yearn for your touch anymore because you’re right here in his arms. He wants to tell you so many things. Like how he adores the colour of your eyes, or the way you smile, or the way your hair falls. He wants to tell you how much he likes spending time with you and how he feels so good with you but he can’t. The words are at the tip of his tongue so how can he not say anything?
“I–” love you– “I’m really going to miss you.”
“Me too,” you whisper. “Me too.”
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So the C!Sherb playlist stream...
I know I literally just finished yelling about the playlist for 3 hours but I wanted to put out a lil smaller version hehe- so here are some of my top songs that I think are right on the nose...
Sharks by Imagine Dragons - [CORRUPTION ARC S1]
I absolutely love this song for Ominous Bane messing with Athena, and just overall Athena's POV of the corruption arc.
Favorite Line: "Take advantage of you niceness, cut you up in even slices"
The Main Character by Will Wood [PRISON ARC S2]
This song is a perfect representation of Sherb's mental space after remembering in season 2. It's very "there are worse people than me, and therefore I can do no wrong! i can do anything and it will be good" and I eat it up--
Favorite Line: "Villians are everywhere, that's how I know that I'm the hero"
Moonsickness by Penelope Scott [END OF S2]
For me, this is learning more about the wack and trying to fit into the role of Fable's child. It's the idea of trying so hard to bring back Haley and ending in just dead ends.
Favorite Line: "But I make lemons out of lemonade..."
The Tornado by Owl City [UNLOCKED S3]
The way I look at this song is that the weather and the storm is a metaphor for the wack. At the start, small changes are increasing leading to the wings shattering, and Fable finding them. (And then ya know the end section could totally by Icarus ascending hehehe)
Favorite line: "But if I went home to heaven, at least that's where I'd belong"
Hero by Regina Spektor [CENTROSS DEATH S3]
This song represents the direct spiraling after Centross fades away. Icarus is in shock and still processing what just happened (very poorly).
Favorite Line: "I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved"
Solitary Confinement by Everybody's Worried About Owen [ISOLATION ARC S3]
A representation of Icarus "being in too deep." it's the idea that just because they did choose this, that doesn't mean it's good for them.
Favorite Line: "You cannot isolate me past the walls that I have built"
Ruin by The Amazing Devil [ICARIXIS ASCENSION S3]
The female voice is Icarus, male voice is Midas. The song follows the full scene of Icarus entering the Worldport all the way until they are Quixis. (I absolutely love Midas's lines in this)
Favorite Line: "Nothing quite prepares you for when they don't come back..."
Ghost Song by Ratwyfe [EPILOGUE]
After ascending to quixis, this song is them being able to watch their world, but barely interact with it (like a ghost!). I have several songs with ghost imagery that I like for Icarixis but this one is by far the best.
Favorite Line: "Trying to show the world I still exist..."
I love all of the songs on the playlist, but if you only listen to a few of them, make it these ones. I'll also drop the playlist link here (which you can find already on my youtube!)
...and if you made it this far I have a special treat for you! the link to my personal C!sherb playlist (not public)! theres some overlap but also some other ones :)
my silly icarus playlist
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Girl!Dad Hotch threatening his daughter’s date??
hello, hey! i considered here that reader is hotch's daughter's mother and not the daughter itself. i hope you like it s2 (yes, i got a bit carried away here)
Requests are open! ✨
Aaron never believed himself to be the jealous kind of parent.
When Haley got pregnant with Jack, they discussed what kind of parents they'd be to him. Haley, having been raised in a family in which familiar relationships were cherished and encouraged, believed she'd be a kind, loving mother; always the one to cheer their baby up in times of need, which would automatically make her the good cop.
Aaron, on the other hand, always believed he'd be the "hangman" — the one responsible for putting things back into place, the one to give restricted looks and tell Jack that having candy before bed was a no-go.
In his mind, there was just no way he'd be a jealous parent, just because it didn't suit him.
That is, until his little girl started to date. And at that specific moment, Aaron went to hell and back very quickly.
Jack had been the first to know, mostly because he had seen it happening. Him and Mauve were only a few years apart, and the fact they studied at the same school didn't left much room for his big sister to keep a secret from him; and after a very heated discussion between the two of them, Jack had "let escape" Mauve's secret, believing that no one was at home to hear what he had to say.
You had been. And then you were the second to know.
Mauve was an absolute mess as she told you everything about the boy she was dating, how he was lovely and everything she had always dreamed about, but everything Aaron would despise. He was the quarterback (which was honestly a surprise, considering everyone knew Mauve was a nerd, just like Aaron had been), and the whole school knew him as a womanizer; still, he was different with Mauve — sweet, friendly, respectful.
She had begged you to keep it a secret, promising she'd be the one to tell Aaron when the time came. And, since Mauve never broke a promise, she did.
It just happened to be on her prom day.
She had been mysterious about who'd be her date, and you knew Aaron believed firmly she and Jack would go together. The fact that Jack hadn't brought a pair up yet only confirmed Aaron's beliefs, and honestly, you knew he was psyching himself into not noticing how meticulously Mauve had chosen the dress, speaking about matching her pair's tie (and then picking a tie that in nothing matched Jack's), how she had been singing out loud while in the bath (songs that talked about young love, and proms, and dancing with someone you love) and, the ultimate clue, how she forced Aaron into teaching her how to waltz since she didn't want to step on her partner's feet (and Mauve certainly wouldn't give a damn about stepping into Jack's feet).
At some point, you just gave up hoping he'd notice before prom night. You were just dying to see his reaction to the news.
It happened quicker than you thought, though.
Mauve had been ready for the past hour, sitting anxiously at the couch beside Aaron, fidgeting with her thumb — the same tell Aaron had — as the two of them watched a rerun of Hawaii Five-0, Aaron making small comments about how stupid their methods were, and how no one would do something like that in real life, as Mauve giggled nervously, placing a rebel strand of hair behind her ear whenever she heard a car passing outside.
When the doorbell finally rang, Mauve was the first to stand from the couch, immediately intertwining her fingers as she looked at your image making your way from the kitchen (where you had already poured a whiskey glass to offer Aaron once they were gone), Jack's stomps on the stairs loud as he ran to see whether it was his partner or yours.
"Are your friends joining you tonight?" Aaron asked, looking up at Mauve, his brows furrowed in confusion as he looked between the door and his younger daughter.
"Cassie is my pair tonight” Jack revealed as you opened up the door, revealing Cassandra — Cassie, for short — in a beautiful blue dress. You knew that dress because you and Mauve had went out with her to buy it only a few weeks before that day, and she had picked it to match Jack’s tie.
But Aaron hadn’t gone with you — he had gone with Jack to buy his corsage. A corsage that happened to be green, like Mauve’s dress.
It was green because it matched Cassie’s eyes.
"Come in, Cassie" you smiled politely at your daughter's best friend, ushering her inside as Jack finished moving down the stairs, a dumbfounded smile plastered all over his face as he showed her the corsage he bought.
"Thank you, dear" Cassie smiled, observing the corsage lovingly before looking up at Aaron, waving softly at him, "Hi, Uncle Hotch!".
And while in a usual day Aaron would have greeted Cassie with a smile, the only thing he could do was stare at Mauve, his face even more confused, jaw dropped.
"If Jack's going with Cassie..." he pointed between Jack and Cassandra, his eyes widening at the minute, "Who are you-".
As if on cue, the doorbell rang once again, all the eyes turning immediately to the door. Maybe you should've opened the door, maybe Mauve should've started speaking non-stop in order to distract her father, but no one moved as Aaron strode towards the door, opening it up in a swift movement, his features closed off as he faced the man on the other side of the door.
"Hello, Mr. Hotchner! I'm Louis, Mauve's date!".
You admired Louis' courage.
"Date?" Aaron raised one brow, turning slowly to face Mauve — that had moved all the way to the door, standing beside you with worried eyes, "I didn't know about any date".
Louis seemed to deflate at the reveal, his eyes looking past Aaron's shoulders and also meeting Mauve's eyes, "You didn't?".
"No" Aaron replied immediately, crossing his arms over his chest, "Mauve?".
"I..." Mauve pouted, fidgeting with her hands, "I wanted to tell you, Daddy, but I knew you'd be like this. So Jack found out and Mom, too, and everyone kept asking questions and, and... I thought you'd notice by yourself. You're a profiler!".
"She's not wrong" you commented, "I mean, she did give a lot of signs".
"Signs are not the message!" Aaron replied, completely turning to face Mauve, Louis suddenly forgotten at the door, his eyes going from Aaron to his pair for the night, "Why you didn't tell me, Mauve?".
"Because you'd be upset. You always tell me 'you won't date until you're 30, Mauve' and 'you're my baby girl and no one will ever deserve you' and I got so worried that you wouldn't approve Louis!" Mauve sniffled, clearly on the verge of tears, but trying to keep them hidden for the sake of her perfectly made makeup, "I'm sorry, Daddy! I just... I like him so much!".
Louis seemed to have regained his courage, clearing his throat and straightening his jersey (yes, he was wearing the school's soccer team's jersey, just like any popular quarterback would) and touching Aaron's shoulder respectfully, "And I like Mauve to, uh..." he dropped his hand when Aaron looked madly over his shoulder, having suddenly turn his gaze into the Unit Chief look, "Mr. Hotchner, sir".
You chuckled at Louis' stutter — you'd like the boy.
"I promise we can talk about it after the prom, and I'll tell you everything," Mauve said lowly, holding Aaron's hand, "But can I go with Louis, please Daddy? Please".
Aaron knew he would go with whatever Mauve asked at the moment she pouted, her voice embargoed and eyes on verge of tears, but a part of him didn't want to let her go. Because, in his jealous father head, allowing her to walk outside their house with that Louis (he grimaced at the thought of the other guy) would mean you were growing up, that you weren't his little Mauve anymore, and the thought hurt like hell.
"I want you and your brother home by midnight" Aaron stated, his voice holding no space for negotiations — you can't negotiate with the negotiator, after all, "And Cassie and..." he scoffed, "Louis are invited to dinner tomorrow".
Cassie smiled broadly, clinging at Jack's arms immediately at the invitation, "If Uncle Hotch's cooking, I'm in!".
You snorted, "Yeah, that's why you're coming over" you commented under your breath, looking with a smile how whipped Jack looked as he stared intently at Cassandra.
"Thank you for the invite, Mr. Hotchner" Louis replied with a sided, but still frightened, smile, "I'll be here".
Aaron nodded, finally turning to face Louis, "Now let me be clear, young boy..." he took a step towards Louis, placing his right hand on the boy's shoulder. It would've looked like a friendly gesture if it wasn't for the squeeze he gave — not too much to hurt him, Aaron definitely wasn't that kind of man, but enough to make his point clear, "You touch my daughter in an inappropriate way, your break her heart or you pretty much think about any of those things, and I'll have you on juvie in no time. Are we understood?".
Louis gulped, a nervous smile on his face as he looked between the four people behind Aaron, his eyes lingering on Mauve for a bit longer, "He can't do this, can he?".
"Oh, I can" Aaron squeezed his shoulder once more, forcing the younger boy to look at him, "And I will. Was I clear?".
"As crystal" Louis nodded nervously.
“Good” Aaron replied, letting go of Louis shoulder, “Have fun, you kids”.
None of them waited one more minute before moving out the door, and you couldn’t stop but smile when Mauve held Aaron’s hand, kissing his cheeks sweetly before muttering a reverent, “Thank you” on his ear.
You both watched as they moved towards the limo, and you beamed proudly as you intertwined your arm with Aaron’s as you waved them goodbye, the loud song they were hearing making the vehicle tremble only slightly before it left.
“I’m proud of you” you whispered, kissing the skin of Aaron’s neck softly, “Even if you threatened him to death”.
Aaron’s smile was strangled, painful. And the fact that he found it in himself to be dramatic at that moment (or at least you thought he was playing dramatic) only made you smile more.
“I need a drink” he mumbled desperately, “I really need a drink. I think I need to get drunk”.
You laughed, shaking your head as you guided him towards the kitchen, “Come on, old man. Let’s get you a drink”.
Thank you for the request ✨
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x reader#criminal minds#hotch#hotch x reader#hotch x you#aaron hotchner fanfic#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotchner oneshot#Hotch’s daughter
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(i know you almost never publish asks but i will still await the essay and your response for my eyes only if you do answer)
it’s that time of year again… 🎄🎅🎉🎊 no. the highlights of your 2023 media consumption of course! just like last year, i want to know your top 5 films, books, tv shows, songs/albums, pop culture moments if that’s your thing, and as a bonus: any favourite personal moment/achievement in the last year? new to you, new in release, either works! can’t wait to see your response and wishing you a happy new year! 😁🩷
MO!!! hello, ilu 😍💌 thank you for sending me this!! i actually am gonna publish it though omg because consuming media is like. 99.99999% of my entire personality 😀
top 5 shows
The Bear S2 (S2, ep4....you will always be famous 2 me)
Succession S4 (i literally think about ep3 like....weekly)
Normal People (made me abnormal and sad for weeks after)
Severance (a rewatch because it's just SO good)
The Last of Us S1 (such a cool collective experience to watch it as it aired, i have 0 interest in S2 at this point though)
top 5 movies
Saltburn (despicable, freaky women won w/ this one, sorry)
Past Lives (me when love and loss are sometimes the same thing: 😀)
Priscilla (beautiful...made me want to commit crimes)
Fargo (can't believe i hadn't watched this before...it was fun!)
Bottoms (will almost certainly end up as a campy gay cult classic, it's ridiculous)
top 5 albums
Boygenius - The Record + The Rest
Mitski - The Land Is Inhospitable and So Are We
Chappell Roan - The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess
Haley Blais - Wisecrack
The Japanese House - In the End It Always Does
I also read like 21 books this year?? I don't think I have 5 faves, but Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer was my #1, hands down. In this house we love stories about love and grief disguised as cosmic horror 💌 I'm actually reading the final book in the trilogy right now!
#such a good year for film/tv/music like everything was amazing#thank you again for sending this mo <3#replies
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hey, any sq mutuals who haven't already should check out haley whipjack's ouat season recaps
youtube
youtube
she's only done two so far, but she's planning to do the whole series, and she's got pretty good takes + hilarious delivery
(also watching her start to warm up to regina + start to really see swan queen in s2 is very satisfying + entertaining)
#i am waiting SO eagerly for her recaps of s3 and s4#ouat#highly highly rec#these videos are so good
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Song stream notes time
Aesthetic of C!sherb is up until 2 birds
Just kind of vibes for C!sherb (up until maybe brass goggles)
Songs with themes of loneliness potions bleeding - almost magic but more interdimensional stuffs (the beloved)
Brothers starts at 2 birds :)
(family jewels isla coded wait hold on just a minute there)
(When the day met the night Rae and Caspian as well as the fable isla marriage to —> Isla/Enderian to —> alone.)
S1 starts at Fine
Corruption I think starts mainly at Laplace’s Angel
SECOND HALF OF I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE BEING COWORKERS I CARE
WhisperDuo is secret and Hawk in the night
PLAY WITH FIRE CENTROSS AND ENDERIAN
When the world caves in as the finale
Start of s2 as new life
Next section starts at Brutus and it’s the prison
NOT WELCOME BEING CENTROSS
Ends prison arc in Rock in gods shoe
S2 —>3 break starts as is there anybody here (Icarus in the worldport)
S3 starts with Maybe man
Chasing you - The emptiness of not knowing what to do after Haley’s been brought back, it having been their main goal before (very Ic + Haley coded song)
The garden - getting sick of quixis changes. I cannot get the changes to stop, I don’t know what to do, nothing is helping. (whenever talking about crows is talking about chat)
New eyes - Stream where sherb goes to Ulysses and finding out there eyes not their own and then the raft :)
(Two samples I think it’s called?)
The tornado - UNLOCKED THE BELOVED ITS PERFECT (THE END BEING ICARUS BECOMING QUIXIS I LOVE IT SM)
Birds - “I just want to sit here and feed my birds” energy
Look who’s inside again - father isolation
Let me make you proud - self explanatory Icarus wanting to make him proud and earn their fathers love
The fruits - Part of them isn’t them so they can’t be what their father wants them to be
Down the river - Athena and Icarus making potions and they argue about corruption a lil but I care “the dust never settles when you’re around” WHACK
Hero - them spiraling about Centross’s death before fable starts talking I’ll sob
When Centross saves them. Me when. I’ll cry about it.
Can’t catch me now - oh it’s me hallucinating wait he’s actually there rarararara they aren’t coping well but violets watching them
Do what you gotta do - HELP ITS SELF EXPLANATORY ALSO BANGER SONG AND SO FUNNY
Paid in exposure - Coworkers
Natural - also coworkers
Burning pile - CMV
Can’t go back - EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG
Try to change - Icarus spiraling by themself - I can only do what I’m told I can only repeat history
Lima bean man - killing momboo :d
Shots - why do I kill everything I love?
Prodigal ^^ spiraling and I’m really his son
Solitary confinement - I LOVE THIS SONG FIRST OF ALL
No longer you - (EPIC THE BELOVED) Up to interpretation????
Monster - Penelope Centross - Telemachus (idk spelling) momboo
No children - singing about fable - Rae coming with Vanda
Mr author - Icarus to quixis other half Sherbert to rina
Icarus by luvbug - Fables death I EAT THIS UP (ITS SO GOOD I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS SO MUCH AFTER THE FINALE YOU DONT EVEN KNOWWW)
The bad guy + in my blood - OH MY GOD I WAS SO WRONG (the lyrics in in my blood I yell I rarara)
Daniel in the den - Fable is dead we did it we can move on!
Ruin - female voice is Icarus male voice is Midas (ME WHEN THIS SONG AND THE AMAZING DEVIL) getting ready to jump and die (mainly talking to quixis or the things)
“Nothing quite prepares you for when they don’t come back-“ AGH I LOVE THAT SONG ITS SO THEM AND I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT ICARUS AND MIDAS
Icarus and Apollo - ME WHEN ICARUS AND MIDAS
Show yourself - ASCENTION and Midas welcoming them
Who you are - Midas welcoming Icarus
The last goodbye - Him thinking he’s gonna die then SIKE NOPE WORLDPORT TIME ICARUS AND MIDAS TIME THEM HELPING EACHOTHER AND THEN THE PART WITH CHAT
Still feel - If fable had a bow this is the song when bowing I love it
epilogue things then Icarus
Back to black - WETBIRDS??? ILL UPDATE AFTER WATCHING THE VEN FINALE I GUESS???
SPRING AND A STORM STORYBOARD
Then the next section is specifically Icarixus times
Today today being years of time passing in the worldport I yell
Last section (after today today) is group songs :)
LOSER BABY AS THE DRINKING STREAM
The cave below hero
Ahhhh I love that playlist sm I had THOGUGHTS I was yelling in chat
#fable smp#i have so many thoughts#I’m so hype for the Ven epilogue you don’t eVEN know guys#you don’t understand how much I love Ven#I don’t talk about him as much as I really should
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character impressions centross
First impression: I actually couldn't stand them at first! I thought he was needlessly melodramatic and not a very compelling villain. Maybe part of that comes down to me being an archival viewer of S1; it seems like some of his POV from then wasn't saved. But then I started watching S2 and went ohhh. and then the prison and castle arcs happened and i went ohhhhhhhhh.
Impression now: Brain go brrrrrrr. I grab him on either side of his head and go "You. You my beloved exploration of evil and devotion and justice and redemption and love and forgiveness and family. You dumbass jackass angst-riddled sorry sack of a person. You search for love without knowing what it looks like until you do. You." Actually not my favourite Fable character, that's a tossup between Wolf and Ari, but definitely the one I have the most Big Thoughts and Feelings TM about. In case you couldn't tell lol.
Favorite moment: Might be recency bias but I think it's got to be their talk with Haley in An Oracle's Truth. The subtleties, the looming tragedy, the foreshadowing that his death isn't quite the end, i rotate it in my head like a microwave. Also literally any breakfast stream.
Idea for a story: I actually have two that i'm in the process of brainstorming! One that revolves around him and oscar post-cathedral, when the loss of innocence is inevitable and you don't know what on fucking earth to say. And another that's a wolftross hurt/comfort twoshot about nightmares.
Unpopular opinion: S1 centross isn't very interesting. Killing a bunch of people isn't compelling to me; trying to be a person again afterwards is.
Favorite relationship: Can I cheat and say all of castle trio? The three of them together work so well, emotionally and narratively. They can all serve as another one's foil and parallel at the same time and they're idiots and i love them.
Favorite headcanon: In the first part of S3, their focus on Epros was him trying to find a new god to worship. Because he couldn't in good conscience worship Enderian anymore, but he didn't know how to function in a non-religious worldview. And then Epros let them down and the whole thing fell apart.
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This could just be a Reid x reader thought but you know my mind always be on Rossi-Reid
So anyways here’s your Rossi-Reid thought of the day—
Whenever spencer is unsure or concerned abt RR and he doesn’t know how to bring it up with her he goes to hotch for advice
Hotch is the best big brother
I HAD SUCH A HARD DAY YESTERDAY AND I NEEDED TO WAKE UP TO THIS MY HEART CAN HEAL NOW
Especially pre S1-mid S2 Spencer when he's still gaining confidence.
"Hotch."
"Yes?"
"She's doing that thing again."
"What thing?"
"The thing where she buys a bunch of ice cream and cries while watching Legally Blonde on repeat. She did it last month too."
"She's on her period, Spencer."
"...Oh."
"Haley's movie of choice is Dirty Dancing."
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Get to know tag
Tagged by @iceddragon (idk who u are but tnx)
Last Song: Y Si Fuera Ella - SHINee (rec listening w/ headphones while staring out the window/at the ceiling)
Favorite color: the colours of the world? uhmmm... certain shades of mustard yellow and deep, rich greens (and blues.) Kudos to anyone that can confidently choose a single colour :')
Currently Watching: Dungeon Meshi and House of the Dragon (just binged s2 of heartbreak high and loved it)
Spicey, savory, sweet: none (prefer salty) but savory if i have to pick
Current obsession: currently experiencing Obsession droughts to Extreme degrees, but i have also played year 1 of stardew in less than a few days, earned 480k, and now has next to nothing to do because i did pretty much everything that 1st year ((mental) excel spreadsheet and min-max strats let's go!!). I mean, i can befriend people better, go deeper in the skull cavern and collect more for the museum but i don't have any BIG goals now besides "get money and wait for new main tasks" (I was not immune to the Chappell Roan edits of Haley)
oh! And until dawn. 2024 is the year where i get Obsessed with blondes apparently :/
Tag people. (Feel free to ignore!)
idk who to tag. but! if you haven't done any of these in a while, feel free to do so! :) or if you just did one. i won't judge. have fun <3
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i just started to re-watch criminal minds.
my highlights of season 1 (spoiler warning ig)
aaron hotchner is so daddy
reid is so baby
gideon is so unhinged and crazy - and a dad
derek is just sooo cocky and it's so funny how he wears a suit in the first few episodes
the cuts and edits in s1 are peak cinema
elle my darling <3
god i missed the title music
why is gideon always talking to someone, then gets an idea and runs the other way w/o another word lol
"ocd? i'm thinking more like omg." hahhahahahah
reid and gideon playing chess aaaaah
the mandarine scene in ep5 lives in my mind rent free, so dad coded
how is it that i'm surprised everytime again when gideon starts yelling for help in ep7
hotch almost gets strangled and gideon looseness his tie and says "take your tie off for once in your life, huh?" dad energy.
gideon yelling at rats? lol
elle calling gideon dad!!!
"what kind of doctor are you?" harsh
"billie is running out of time, guys." "so are the parents." "oh, come on. a little hope, huh? we'll make it. we'll make it." i'm repeating myself: DAD ENERGY.
aaron hotchner in his vest? ouff. i'm sweating. and elle? oh lord.
"divorce is not uncommon in the bau." is that right, aaron?
"just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie." whoever said hotch doesn't have humor was blind.
love sassy hotch so much i'd fuck him senseless
"do i look twelve years old to you?" "fourteen." lol
"if i wasn't a lesbian i'd jump your bones. i've always had this thing for middle-aged men." relatable af
reid just called morgan a whore??
haley called gideon hotch's wife? i didn't remember that. also so passive-aggressive: if she's pissed by his job, she should just say so.
also hotch with baby on his arm? lord have merthy
elle speaking spanish: so hot
gideon imitating a russian accent: dad energy (i sound like a broken record)
i am convinced that david rossi taught gideon how to cook
i'll never understand why fisher king I is in s1 and fisher king II is in s2
i love that aaron is cleaning the blood of elle's walls
like always: stay away from white males in their early 20s to early 40s, don't go outside and keep your windows and doors locked.
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tag nine people you would like to know better: thank u mao @itoshisoup for the tag!!!!
last song: the bug collector by haley heynderickx
currently watching: just finished vinland saga s2 and slowing getting through gundam: iron blooded orphans (it's rough out here)
currently reading: rereading roland barthes a lover's discourse (it's my comfort book....) and seeing ghosts: a memoir by kat chow
current obsession: nagumo.....................................also i have been ingesting an insanely unhealthy amount of geto fan art in the last couple of days...he's on the mind (uh oh)
no pressure tag: @eruru-ru @seravphs @tabioli @k-emii and uhhh literally anybody else (also absolutely no pressure do or don't!!!!)
#the more i like i character the less i talk about them#take that as you will on this gojo centric blog#mt
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Do you have any TV show recs with really good romances?
oh boy, do i! one thing about me? i’m gonna watch a show for the romance subplot. but also this is such a broad topic, i’ll try to narrow it down into two categories: show recs with romance as a main plot, or at least a good majority of the plot, and show recs with romantic subplots that aren’t the main focus! so without further ado…
starting with the former:
bridgerton. i know there’s a lot of mixed feelings about this show, a lot of them are definitely valid, and while the first season romance is kinda meh (and questionable), the second season makes up for it completely imo. i was obsessed with kanthony for a good few months after s2 came out, just because the chemistry between the actors was just so potent and explosive. it’s a true enemies to lovers trope if i’ve ever seen one and it’s just so well done imo
one tree hill. early 00s cheesy teen dramas are kind of my kryptonite and oth is probably the king teen drama of all imo. i wouldn’t say the romance is the main plot of most of the show (and not a lot of the romance is great 😭), but it is a major plot point of a lot of the seasons. i’m recommending this for one reason and one reason only: nathan and haley. it’s a classic popular guy x nerd girl and they get together after she starts tutoring him in secret and i just love what their relationship turned out to be. haley is a badass and i Love her and naley basically raised me, so that’s why it’s here :)
doom at your service. honestly, i could recommend quite a few kdramas, bc a lot of them do have what i consider “true” romantic main plots, but i thought i would narrow it down to one. it’s about this young woman who has an extremely shitty day and wishes on a shooting star for the world to end, not knowing that the spirit of Doom himself is actually listening. idk how else to describe this show honestly, the main couple between the young woman and Doom is just soooo so so so good, it’s so sweet and very romantic, i just really can’t recommend it enough.
as i was starting this list, i realized i didn’t have very many true romance shows so let’s move onto the next category, which are the romantic subplots 😭
marvel’s runaways. i think i would maybe recommend this show before everything else just because it has a lot of similarities to gen v and the romantic subplots are *chef’s kiss*. i LOVED karolina and nico, one of my favorite wlw ships, and i also really loved gert and chase as well. it did, unfortunately, get cancelled pretty early but still well worth the watch imo.
agents of shield. another marvel show, honestly one of their most underrated shows. i’ve never really been super interested in the mcu, but i loved some of the older, adjacent tv shows (aos, runaways, CLOAK & DAGGER.) my favorite romantic subplot in this show is fitzsimmons, one of my FAVORITE friends to lovers ships, i think the way they were developed was so perfect, had just the right amount of pining, angst, and slowburn. i also love mackelena and may and coulson!
the wilds. okay, so i have a complicated relationship with this tv show, but just know that s1 is AMAZING. shelby and toni are another one of my fave wlw ships and don’t even get me started on leah and fatin…they weren’t a crackship, it was real to ME. i don’t wanna talk about s2, but s1 is definitely worth the watch.
anne with an e. gilbert and anne. that’s all i have to say. if you liked the rivals to lovers aspect in limoreau, you’ll love shirbert. also, it’s just a very cozy and comforting watch.
the good place. this show had me fucked up but in a good way. the romance between eleanor and chidi isn’t the main focus, but i think it adds so much to the characters development and to the plot of the show. even the crackships are good, tahani and eleanor had great chemistry, and jason and janet were just hilarious.
alchemy of souls. another kdrama and i want to preface this by saying kdramas, especially costume dramas like this one, can be super hard to get into. they’re very long (episodes can go up to an hour and a half) and often veeeery slow, but it’s TOTALLY worth it in my opinion because this show has one of my favorite romances EVER. that first season ending? oh it’s so good. i binged this in like a week and i couldn’t watch anything for a while after because i couldn’t stop thinking about it.
mozart in the jungle. probably the most obscure show on this list, and FARRRR under appreciated. as a classical musician who is currently studying music in university, this show was right up my alley when it came out. the romance between hailey and rodrigo is slow and a bit subtle at first but they were such a fun and dysfunctional duo that somehow fit together perfectly. they just got each other perfectly, imo. the ending left me heartbroken a bit, but i’ve since come to realize it was the best possible ending they could’ve given us and i’ve made peace.
ALRIGHT THAT’S IT THAT’S THE LIST (pt. 3)
i had fun making this! anon, i hope you find that one of these shows works for you and also that you still think i have great taste after 😭
#why am i kinda nervous to post this 😭#if it turns out i do have bad taste pls look away 😭😭#asks#recs
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Could you elaborate on why you didn't enjoy season 3 as much as the previous seasons?
Sure :) Few things I wanna say before I get into it.
1) I'm not an articulate person at all. I suck at wording my thoughts well.
2) I'm not saying I didn't enjoy season 3, I'm just saying Season 1 was the show's best in my opinion.
3) No I'm not saying I didn't enjoy season 3 bc of daxton.. if it was all about daxton I wouldn't be saying season 1 was the show's best season
4) I'll be using certain lines from other metas bc they've worded it really well and I'll link it to the original post as well.
I liked season 3 for personal growth. Nalini and Devi's relationship season was amazing this season, especially in episode 9, "How dare you come into my house and talk about my daughter this way" . I really enjoyed Trent and Eleanor as well and Paxton's character... I was so scared going into season 3 that they'd ruin his character for the love triangle drama but they didn't and he thrived outside the love triangle this season.
Now.. onto the things I didn't enjoy/like.
Too many new characters who were used as plot devices to move the plot forward.
There were so many new characters this season and they all were thrown in for an episode or two and they just disappeared after a couple of episodes. The Lady Whistle boy, anonymous texter / Haley just disappeared after daxton broke up. I didn't like how the anonymous texter was a random new character we've never seen before.
There were so many new plots every single episode which didn't excite me. It felt like it was all over the place. Story lines were being raised and then just dropped. It kinda reminded me of disney shows haha (no hate). They kept adding love interests (Margot and Des) to trouble the already existing love triangle which they spent two whole seasons working on only to constantly rival the established relationships (Benvi and Daxton) instead of letting them develop.
Fabiola and Aneesa were cute, Aneesa's character had so much potential but they just threw her out. Fabiola went with a randomly added new love interest (Addison) who was in two scenes.. two scenes only. One of the reasons trent and Eleanor are so fun to watch imo is that they're characters who've been there since the beginning. I know realistically people will date people outside of their friend group but this is a show... I wanted to see the characters I already knew.
Kamala, she didn’t want to get married in s2 because she wanted to focus on her career etc. She also left Prashanth because she felt like he wouldn’t be supportive of her career but her whole plot in s3 revolved around her boyfriend. Like I get it, this season she stood up against Nirmala and moved out etc but idk it just felt incomplete(?).
Two episodes frustrated me a lot this season. 3x05 and 3x10.
3x05 : Instead of this random thing in school where Devi had to ‘kiss some boy to activate her romantic vibes’ or some shit. Instead of that they could have just focused on Devi working on herself that episode. Paxton made a very valid point about Devi not loving herself. We could have had a scene with her therapist talking about why she thinks she doesn’t “deserve” to be in a relationship with someone.
3x10: The finale.. Devi gets an offer to go to some school in Colorado.. was this ever mentioned in the previous seasons? The build up just wasn’t there. If they had at least mentioned in in the start of the season that would have been fine. The Colorado school was again another plot device to give us some emotional scenes between Nalini and Devi. I did love the scene but the number of plot devices just frustrated me a lot. Instead of giving actual issues like they did in season 1 they only used plot devices this season. I just felt like they had a lot of lazy - poor writing.
I’ve not completely covered why I didn’t like this season as much as the previous ones and I don’t think I’ve worded it well so yeah.. Thanks for the ask :)
#my asks#nhie#never have I ever#NHIE Netflix#never have i ever netflix#nhie s3#daxton#Devi vishwakumar#paxton hall yoshida#Fabiola Torres#aneesa qureshi#nalini vishwakumar#maxi pax
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Viste Jake Long no es asi?? bien entonces cuales son tus episodios y personajes favoritos?? vas a incluir algun concepto, personaje, tu en tu historia??
Perdón, otra vez, contesto en inglés porque es demasiado para traducir.
(Transl.)
Q: You watched Jake Long didn't you?? okay then what are your favorite episodes and characters?? are you gonna include any concept, character, in your story??
A: Sorry, again, answering in english because it's too much to translate.
I actually really liked the finale, and generally the episodes where you have a bit of actual stakes when they play around with Rose and Jake's identities. I was pretty disappointed by the Dark Dragon, tbh, though I have some ideas to fix things for the Kverse (and yes, I've already mentioned I plan to include Jake Long eventually). The Huntsclan was cool until they bizarrely decided they needed tween dumbasses in their ranks (definitely some weird choices in this show).
I'd say my favorite characters were Rose and Grandpa Lao Shi (I liked him better in S1 admittedly, he became kind of a joke in S2). I like Jake, too, but he makes bafflingly stupid choices sometimes. I found Trixie and Spud acceptable in small doses, but more often than not they annoyed me too much to like them. I only like Fu Dog when isn't being misogynistic, which...isn't as often as you'd think (??? wtf was that choice about ???). Haley was also really grating usually (but I have a really fun idea for her!). Jake's dad was fun when he didn't outstay his welcome. Jake's mom was...barely there (and I actually don't like that the dragon powers "skipped her generation", they do absolutely nothing with that). And yeah, despite the stereotype, I did actually enjoy Rotwood (the VA's line delivery just really sold it for me and I freakin' loved when he finally proved Jake was a dragon).
As I've mentioned before, I'm going to be adapting the Jake Long lore into the established magical world of the Kverse. This does mean a few important changes, but I've tried to keep the important stuff intact. You'll have to wait and see how that develops!
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I'm a strong believer that (in fandoms) if you put your mind to it you can like almost anything.
One Tree Hill is a good example of what I mean. So many people are negative towards the later seasons. And I am a strong believer that people allow/want themselves to hate it.
One thing i've found with Stranger Things is after every season I completely shut myself off from the fandom and the negativity that comes with it. I watch the season at least 4 times to get my own opinions set in stone and then I just focus on the things I love about it. In fact, with S3... I remember watching and feeling a little negativity towards it. I stopped focusing on the things I didn't enjoy and instead kept thinking about the things I liked... and now I legit can't remember what I disliked about it. It's a perfect season as far as i'm concerned.
It's the same with One Tree Hill. If you think about the things you hate then pretty soon that's all your gonna think about. And there are plotlines I don't like in the later seasons. Like Nathan's injury early on or the Nanny Carrie plot early on or anything having to do with Mouth and Millie. But I don't focus on those things. When I think about the later seasons I think about Nathan and Haley, Brooke and Julian, Victoria, Sylvia, the absolute incredible acting on the part of Joy, the funny episodes, the fun plotlines. And now when I think of those seasons.... my heart is filled with happiness.
Each season is a different vibe. As the characters grow the vibe changes. And honestly OTH was always that way. S2 is not the same as S1. S1 was way more dramatic and soap opera-ish than S2. And S3 has a different vibe then S2. S4 is different as well... it's like a horror movie or murder mystery or thriller type of vibe. And then as they grow out of high school the vibe changes again. It's almost like each season is a new show. Which there's a certain enjoyment to that... it keeps it from getting stale. But people confuse different with bad. Stranger Things is the same way. Each season is different because the scope gets bigger and also each season is an homage to different 80s movie. Just take each season for what it is and enjoy it. Believe me, it's much more fun to enjoy something vs having all that negativity in your heart and passing it on to other people.
And i'm not saying that you have to like every show or every plotline within a show. I'm mostly talking about people who are in a fandom already and then allow their overall opinion of the show to change or their opinion of later or earlier seasons to be extra negative. Also fine, have your own opinions but don't act like your opinions are definitive or objectively correct. Like just cause you don't like a plot or a season or whatever doesn't mean it's bad. I just wanted to let ya'll know this trick cause I really believe that it can change the way you view the shows you love.
In general I feel like fandoms have become cesspools where people just constantly talk about what they hate. There may be situations where you may want to speak up... like if a character is problematic or a plot is really fucked up. And in that case, I say speak your truth. But I feel like fandoms used to be a group of like minded people getting together and talking about how they love something. Maybe I have a rosy colored view of what fandoms used to be but I do know that the Stranger Things fandom used to be so positive and filled with funny people making funny memes and now it's a cesspool.
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