#he wouldn’t even have to apologise. I’d run into his arms without thinking. trauma be damned

[bedbellyandbeyond]

The Straw

(Story Post)

After a long day of work, the last thing Sydryn wanted to see was their refrigerator items strewn across the kitchen counters and floor while their sibling took a nap at the kitchen table. There were also several grocery bags among the catastrophe, heaped and overflowing with countless fluffy pink pastries. “What in the world is going on here?” Sydryn demanded, loud and stern enough to startle Seranan awake. “Sissy! What, oh…” Seranan sat up and looked around. “Oh, yes. I was just doing some reorganising… But then I got tired and took a nap, I guess.” “Reorganising my refrigerator? Full of my food?” Sydryn snarled. “Why in the world would you do this? Not to mention, you left the refrigerator door wide open!” “D'uh. How else would I access it during lengthy grocery reorganisation?” Seranan asked, propping up their head. “And I did it to fit in my groceries.” Sydryn picked up one of the shopping bags and held it open. “This is entirely roll cakes!” “Yes. Disgusting, I know. You can blame your little angel for introducing me. Now I have a wicked craving all the time,” Seranan groaned. “Don't blame Köbi for this! When did you even go out and get nine bags of these? You're not to leave the house!” Seranan rolled their eyes and tapped their phone on the table. “They have grocery delivery apps now. Join us in the 21st century, Sissy.” Sydryn fumed. “You of all dragons did not just tell me to modernise...” “Just because I'm a history hoarder does not mean I don't know how to use the internet,” Seranan huffed. Sydryn threw the grocery bag down and pointed to the hall. “Get out of my kitchen immediately!” Seranan rolled their eyes and got up, cradling their underbelly like it was such a struggle. “I bought them for you too, you know. The angel said they’re your favourite.” “Stop talking to Köbi!” Sydryn snarled.

“You should be happy we get along at all...” Seranan shrugged. “All your little pets typically piss me off.” “Köbi is not my pet, he is my employee,” Sydryn growled. “That kind of talk is exactly why I do not want you talking to him.” “Where is the little ‘employee’, anyway?” Seranan huffed. “He should be here to help clean up this mess...” “First of all, he is my assistant, not your maid. Second of all, I was going to ask you the same thing. I had to work late, so he should've been home over an hour ago.” Seranan shrugged. “I haven't seen him.” Sydryn sighed and stepped out into the hall. “Köbi?” they called up the stairs. Köbi poked his head out of the powder room just down the hall. “Yes?” “Ah. You are home. Seranan said they hadn't seen you.” “Huh?” Köbi walked over and looked into the kitchen. “You don't remember me coming in?” Seranan waved a hand. “How am I supposed to pay attention to what you’re doing all the time?” “But you asked for me the minute I got home. We had a whole conversation about where Syd buys their roll cakes,” Köbi reminded. “I thought that was yesterday.” “It was definitely today, because they would've been closed yesterday.” Seranan waved a hand. “Unimportant. Must have slipped my mind. Anyway, your employer's home. Shouldn't you have dinner prepared by now?” “You specifically asked me not to come into the kitchen since you would be occupying it during your delivery,” Köbi reminded. “Several times, I checked back to see if I could get dinner started, but you hissed me away." Seranan frowned and shrugged. Sydryn groaned and grabbed Seranan by the braid. “Clean up this mess immediately, or I will burn all of these desserts and you won't have any dinner tonight!” Seranan whined. “My tail! Sissy, that's so mean! You wouldn't starve a pregnant dragon, would you?” “Starve?” Sydryn motioned the plastic wrappers strewn across the kitchen table. “You've eaten twenty of these already!” “They hold absolutely no nutritional value, though...” “Then stop eating them!” “It's a craving! I can't help it!” Köbi waded through the sea of plastic grocery bags to get to the fridge. “I was going to make a roast, but I don’t really think there’s enough time, so how about…fettuccine?” “Absolutely not. I will vomit if I eat another beet coloured pink pasta noodle,” Seranan declared. Sydryn yanked their sibling’s hair again. “You’ll eat what you’re served.” They looked to Köbi, though. “I need meat.” “Okay… Uh, how about smoked meat sandwiches?” Köbi suggested. “Perfect. Thank you.” Seranan rolled their eyes. “Everything’s always smoked meat, pink pasta, rose tea, salmon, prawns, grapefruit…” With another swift yank, Sydryn spun their sibling around grabbed their wrist tightly. “Are you mocking my hoard?” Seranan snarled, scaling up under Sydryn’s grip. “…You’re hurting me, Sissy.” “Syd, let’s calm down…” Köbi said, reaching out to take the dragon’s arm. Sydryn flinched away. “Don’t! My sibling, whom I so graciously have been putting up and feeding while they escape prosecution for dracocide, seems to think they can have an opinion on how I run my house.” Seranan glared at Sydryn. “Colours are for children. Your hoard is stupid.” Sydryn’s eyes widened, a wild look of pure and concentrated wrath set ablaze inside them. “Syd! No!” A split second later, Köbi was between them, his hands up, his stance wide. Seranan was in shock, having been pushed back down into the kitchen chair, their sibling’s grip relinquished. Sydryn’s crazed look was gone, instead replaced with surprise and distress as they stared at the angel. Light dripped from his cheek as Köbi reached out and placed a hand on Sydryn’s shoulder. “Sleep.” “Köbi—” Before Sydryn could finish, they passed out, falling into the angel’s arms. Köbi grunted under the weight then sighed as they picked up the pregnant dragon bridal style. “You’re hurt,” Seranan finally emitted, slowly standing up. “They struck you.” “I’m fine. Just a little scratch.” Köbi wiped his cheek on his shoulder and the injury completely disappeared. “Better me than you.” “I would’ve been fine,” Seranan stated, straightening up. “Dragons can scar other dragons,” Köbi reminded. “And it’s Syd I’m concerned about. They’re strung out and emotional right now. If they really hurt you, I don’t think they could forgive themself.” Seranan frowned. “So, what are you going to do? They must be heavy…” “I’m going to put them to bed for now,” Köbi said, shaking his head. “But don’t worry about what I’m doing… If I were you, I’d consider cleaning things up around here a bit. Syd won’t stay asleep long. And I think after a long day, waking up to a meal made by family would just make my day. Wouldn’t you agree?” Seranan scrunched their nose. “…You can’t tell me what to do.” “I can’t. I can only make suggestions.” Köbi carried the slumbering dragon out to the hall. “I’ll come back in a minute to help.” The red dragon barely dignified that with a huff. Köbi just continued on, taking Syd up to their bedroom. As soon as they were tucked in, Sydryn began to wake up. “...Köbi.” They looked at the angel standing beside their bed. “Did I... Did I hurt you?” “No.” Köbi shook their head. “Must've been a bad dream.” “Angels shouldn't lie...” Sydryn sighed, rubbing their eyes. “I'm so sorry...” “No, I'm sorry for sleeping you without permission,” Köbi said. “I’m not supposed to touch you...” “You did what you had to,” Syd insisted. “It could have been bad... Is Seranan alright?” Köbi nodded. “Yeah. They're perfectly fine. Don't worry about them. Tell me about your day. What's got you so riled up?” Sydryn sighed and sat up. “Everything. I have patients who shouldn't be getting pregnant getting pregnant, almost getting pregnant, and I'm pregnant, and I also have to keep an eye on Gardi, even though he wants more responsibilities, and Ix and I are supposed to be collaborating on the celestial pregnancy research, but beyond that, they hardly say a word to me and I wonder if somehow I've upset them in some way... I don't know. I genuinely enjoy working with them, but not when they won't even look me in the eyes.” “Oh. Oh, um...” Köbi rubbed his neck. “Well, if you're worried about Ix, I think you should just talk to them about it. With Reid, from what I can tell, he's pretty much fully recovered. If you trusted him to manage your practice while you were away in the Fall, I think you can trust him now. And as for all the patients, maybe giving Reid more responsibilities would be a good thing. You really need a break. You're putting a lot of stress on yourself.” Sydryn shook their head. “I can't take a break. There's too much going on and even if I let Gardi have more responsibilities, he can't take all of them on.” Köbi tilted his head. “Well, right now, you really should just rest. When dinner's ready, I'll bring it up.” “No, I should probably come down and apologise to Seranan,” Sydryn decided. Köbi shook his head. “I don't think you're ready for that. Wait for them to come to you.” Syd sighed, laying their head down. “...Alright. Thank you, Köbi.” “Don't mention it.” Köbi made his way back down the kitchen where Seranan was now trying to stuff away their groceries into any empty cupboard space they could find. Kobi noticed some bread and meat had been pulled out and placed on the kitchen table as well. “Looks like you got started,” Köbi said delighted. “I’ll get the rest out, and—” “I don’t need your help, I am perfectly capable of constructing a few sandwiches…” Seranan growled. “Go about your business.” “Okay… I just wanted to add, um…” Köbi rubbed his neck. “I’m sorry I prioritised Syd in the situation when they lashed out. After what you’ve been through before, I can understand if this situation was…difficult for you.” Seranan’s eyes narrowed as they turned their gaze onto the angel in disgust. “If you’re trying to suggest that any of my experiences have left me weak with ‘emotional trauma’ or some kind of ‘victim complex’, you are sorely mistaken.” “Alright. Well, just so you know, you can always talk to me,” Köbi stated. “Actually, I’ve been explicitly told not to talk to you, and from this point on, I plan to follow along.” “Okay.” Köbi shrugged. “Well, I like pickles with my smoked meat sandwiches.” “I fail to see the one who asked!” Köbi chuckled before backing out. “Talk to you later, then.” “You will not!”

#lore #Sydryn #Seranan #Köbi #nbpreg #ovipreg

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hello, first of all: thank you for the amazing fics!! If you have time here's an idea for a prompt: Sirius has suffered through rape or a sexual assault in the past and has now, like, problems with doing anything sexual and he's afraid, that James won't want him if he was to find out and tries to meet James's needs. Maybe he panics or something it's up to you. And James is really cute and protective about it.

((A/N: Warning for discussions of sexual assault as discussion of assault by a family member and asexuality from trauma is pretty much all this fic is. If that's a topic that could bother you, you might need to skip this one <3 ))

In Sirius's defense, he'd thought that since he loved James so much, that when the time came, he'd be ready; he'd thought that he'd want it.

But it didn't really work out that way. Instead, he ended up panicking and shoving James away. And then he just stared at him with wide eyes, heart in his throat and feeling like he was going to throw up. Then he ran for the loo and locked himself in because he needed space to breathe, but he didn't want to leave James's flat entirely and couldn't very well hide in James's room-- that would've been worse than staying where he'd been on the couch. If he threw up, at least he was in the right place.

He felt like utter rubbish. It was partially a shock to him, but simultaneously not a surprise at all. Ever since his aunt had assaulted him at a family holiday party, he hadn't even been able to wank, let alone hook up with someone else. But, as he said, he'd thought that since he loved James so bloody much, it wouldn't be a problem. James, for one, was nothing like his aunt. For another, him and James had been dating for months. Kissing James was plenty of fun, but every time it started to lead somewhere, Sirius felt nauseous. After it not getting better with time, he'd guessed that the best thing to do was go ahead, and then he'd like it afterwards. He'd been... very wrong about that. Ridiculously wrong. If the situation wasn't buggering up his head so much, it would be funny how wrong he'd been.

A soft knock came on the door. "Sirius? Are you okay?"

He blew out a breath. How the hell was he going to explain this? James had invited him over, and he'd said yes, knowing full well what James had in mind when he offered-- mostly because James had told him straight out.

"Did I hurt you?" James continued when a long moment of silence passed.

The idea of James hurting him was laughable. Sirius had been totally panicked, but it hadn't been fear of James that caused it. He knew that he should say something, but he couldn't think of what to say. That it was ridiculous for James to be worried? It wouldn't be fair to say that when Sirius was the one who had run out.

"Erm, can you at least tell me if you're alive?"

A laugh startled out of him. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm alive."

"Okay, that's good. I erm, I'm sorry."

"What the hell are you sorry for?"

"Thinking we were on the same page when we weren't. I swear, I would never force you into anything. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. We can wait as long as you need."

And there was the problem. Sirius knew himself well enough to know that if he wasn't ready now, then he never would be. He'd been studiously ignoring that fact in an effort to give James the traditional relationship he surely wanted, and look how that had turned out.

"If you want to leave, I'll understand. We can talk tomorrow. Or in a couple days, if you need space. Really, Sirius, it's whatever you want."

"No, I don't- I mean-" Sirius stopped with a frustrated sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. He didn't remember sitting on the toilet lid, but he got up and unlocked the door and opened it, then leaned against the counter. "I don't think I'm ever going to want sex, is the problem."

James's expression was expectedly kind. Expected, because James was always kind to him. "It's not really a problem, but I wish you would've told me. I didn't mean to pressure you."

"I thought I could get past it, you know? But ever since- well, I've had sex before and liked it, so I thought that since I love you, I'd be able to do it. You weren't pressuring me, and I'm sorry if I led you on." Sirius made a face. "Well, I did lead you on, but it was sort of an accident. I was supposed to be able to follow through."

"No, it's- gods, don't apologise. But you could have mentioned this when I first brought up sex, and then we could've taken things a bit slower. That way, even if the end result would be the same, you wouldn't have felt so trapped. Bugger, that sounds like I'm accusing you, doesn't it? Sorry, I didn't mean it that way."

Sirius shook his head before James could continue apologising. "I was worried that you wouldn't want to date me anymore if I told you. Which isn't the best way to start a relationship, I'm aware."

"It's fine." It looked like James was going to say something else, then he paused and hitched a thumb over his shoulder. "D'you want to continue this conversation in the living room?" He quirked a smile. "I promise to keep my hands to myself."

Sirius smiled back weakly. "Sure." If only because this room was a little cold. Plus he felt silly, standing in his boyfriend's toilet after having run away from him.

"So I'm not trying to force a label on you or summat, but are you asexual?"

Sirius squinted at him, doing mental gymnastics to try and figure out what that was supposed to mean. "Isn't that a thing bugs do?" he asked slowly.

James blinked, then grinned. He wasn't mocking Sirius-- to date, he never had-- but he was charmingly amused, like he always was when Sirius didn't know something; James claimed it was because he rarely knew something that Sirius didn't, and that actually seemed likely, considering the sort of person that James was. "That's asexual reproduction, where they don't have to mate to have offspring. I meant asexual as, like, a queer orientation."

"Oh." That made sense, but he also hadn't thought about it before. "I dunno. I just haven't wanted to since..."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Sirius looked down and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. "My father sent me to a therapist after it happened. He said it was pretty common for a family member to be the one responsible in underage cases." He shifted his weight uncomfortably. He'd never told anyone before. "Can I hug you?" he mumbled.

"Yeah, of course," James said, holding his arms open.

Sirius dove right in without a second thought. "Thanks," he said automatically.

"Anytime." James rubbed his hand in a soothing circular motion against the middle of Sirius's back. It helped keep his heart from feeling like it was going to beat out of his chest.

He'd never told anyone before because he'd never had to. James was his first boyfriend since then, so it's not as if anyone else he went on dates with had warranted the conversation. Plus, his only friend at the time had been Lily. No one in the family had had to be told, obviously, and Regulus had filled Lily in so that Sirius wouldn't have to; she had never brought it up, except to ask if he was feeling okay every once in a while. "I'm sorry," Sirius muttered. "I thought that I'd be past it by now."

"I hope I'm not overstepping," James said softly, "but have you considered that it's not something you're going to get over? Sometimes things change you. Permanently. Nothing wrong with that."

Unbidden, tears sprung up in his eyes. No one had told him that it was okay for him to be different. Neither Lily nor Regulus had really known what to say to make him feel better. Father had just about killed his sister. Mother liked to pretend that it hadn't happened. The therapist had done his best, but Sirius hadn't really wanted to work with him. He'd gotten Sirius to be comfortable enough going back to school every day, and then Sirius had told his parents that he was better. It was only now, years later, that James told him he was fine for being different than before; Sirius had always wanted to get back to normal.

Sirius sniffled a little, trying to make sure he didn't get any snot on James's shirt. "Thanks. I just- I wanted to be perfect for you."

"Would I sound horribly corny if I said you're already perfect?"

Sirius laughed, wiping at his eyes. "A bit."

"Well. It's the truth."

He laughed again, giving James a grateful squeeze before letting go.

"You want to watch a movie? Or would you rather go home?" James asked.

"A movie sounds good, if you don't mind." In fact, a movie sounded great. There was nothing Sirius wanted more than to cuddle up with James and eat chocolates for the rest of the night.

James smiled at him, like he was delighted that this was the turn their evening had taken. There wasn't a trace of disappointment to be found in his expression, even though Sirius thought it might be warranted. James looked at him like he was always happy to see him, no matter the circumstances. It was hard to believe that Sirius had been so worried about how he'd react.

He was still feeling the lingering effects of his earlier panic, but now he was left feeling the way he always did after he overreacted. In his defense, this was less of an overreaction and more of a miscalculation. He'd assumed that it would always be something he could get past, and what better time to make a recovery than when he was in a loving, wonderful relationship? But he'd been wrong about 'getting back to normal', and he'd definitely been wrong about trying to force his way past it.

#prongsfoot #marauders #james potter #sirius black #fanfic #filled #rape tw #established relationship #no magic au #post hogwarts #siriuslystarbucks

[ditsydaydream]

Catch Me If I Fall

Newt (TMR) x OC

summary: before the events of the maze runner, Newt tried to kill himself and only his girlfriend, Florrie, can save him

notes: Maria and Ada are my other TMR OCs, the rest are pre-existing characters. Only change made or the story is that Florrie is the Keeper of the Med-jacks, not Clint. Florrie, Maria and Ada will each be getting their own post about their profiles and characters etc.

Newt was still asleep on one of the beds, he’d been out for a few hours now; I’d drugged him up on enough poppies so that he’d hopefully sleep for another few hours. I thought it was because I just wanted him to heal, he deserved rest, but my eyes kept jumping back to the ivy scales on the wall, and I knew then I drugged him excessively because I wasn’t ready to talk about what happened. I don’t think I’d ever be ready.  

Every time I blink, I see him up there. Halfway up the walls that imprisoned the Glade, his grip on the vines loosening as he looks down at me, tears running down my cheeks. I could have sworn he mouthed ‘I’m sorry’. But it didn’t matter. Because a second later Newt let go of the vines and plummeted towards the ground.  

The thud as he hit the grass tore through my body. I wasn’t aware of the desperate screams that escaped my mouth, my vision too blurred with tears to see all the Gladers run to his nearly lifeless body, as I collapsed on the ground.  

Clint and Jeff were yelling at me, I was the Keeper of the Med-jacks, I was in charge of healing Gladers. This was my job, my responsibility. Newt’s life was in my hands. Their shouts were muffled, my lungs had tightened up as the only clear thing I could hear was the pounding of my heartbeat in my head.  

I felt a tightness on my shoulders, someone started shaking them, snapping me out of my shock. Gally’s voice was firm, it cut through my despair like a knife.  

‘Florrie! Hey, snap out of it. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re thinking, you gotta push it aside. Newt needs you to save him, we all need you to save him.’  

Regaining my focus and bottling up my shock, I nodded. Gally pulled me up and we both sprinted after the boys that were carrying Newt to the Med Hut.  

‘Put him on the bed.’ I ordered.  

‘Jeff, I need poppies, clean bandages, and a splint. Maria, I need you to grab herbs, get me yarrow, lavender, aloe and as much gingko as you can spare. Clint, examine Newt’s lower body for any broken bones, torn ligaments and wounds. Gally and Ada, I need three buckets of boiled water. Alby, get everyone out. Unless you’re a Med-jack or are getting me supplies, I don’t want you in here.’ I barked, yelling orders at everyone.  

The Gladers darted off to retrieve the supplies I needed, everyone else filtered out of the Hut, trying to return back to their jobs.  

‘You too, Alby.’ I ordered, as I washed my hands.

‘Are you sure you’re okay to do this? Clint and Jeff can do this.’ He said, gently.  

‘Newt is on his death bed. And you think I’m just going to walk away? Alby, I can do this.’ 

He nodded, exiting the Hut. I went back over the bed hurriedly, the love of my life lying almost deadly still.  

‘Sorry, babe’. I apologised, before ripping his mud-splattered shirt in apart, leaving his torso exposed to examine his upper body for injuries. I felt around his torso and shoulders, trying to sense the damage caused by the fall. 

‘What are you thinking?’ Clint asked.  

‘I’m thinking, few broken ribs, fractured arm, nasty cut on one side and head trauma. What you got down your end?’

‘Torn ligaments all along one leg, shattered ankle and a really deep cut.’  

From the window, I saw everyone rush back with the supplies I asked for.  

‘Alright.’ I said as I rolled up my sleeves, ‘let’s get to work.’  

Clint, Jeff and I had worked all through the night, but it was worth it. Newt might not be as strong as was, but the important thing was he was going to make it. I’d made Jeff and Clint go back to their hammocks and get some rest, it wasn’t going to take three of us to watch over Newt and I could deal with any Slicers that needed patching up.

I’d collapsed onto the only other bed in the Hut, exhausted. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow, ignoring the beams of dawn that were breaking through the window.  

A few hours later, I was woken from my deep slumber by a gentle rapping at the door.

‘Come in.’ I groaned, unwilling to drag myself from the bed.  

Ada crept through the door, a fresh stain on her green shirt from the kitchens and holding a steaming plate that smelt so good my stomach rumbled like rolling thunder.  

‘Hey.’ She said.

I pulled myself up on the bed. ‘Hey.’ I yawned back.  

‘You doing okay?’  

‘I’m shucking whacked, I feel like I need to sleep for days.’ I said, unable to suppress another yawn.

‘You’ve done everything you can for him. You deserve to rest.’ As she walked closer, I began to recognise the smell from the plate and my eyes became fixated on what was smelling so utterly delicious. 

‘Did you make me eggs and bacon?’ I asked eagerly, hoping the answer was yes as the thought of my favourite breakfast made me drool. 

‘Yeah. Fry was making everyone else their normal breakfast, but I said I should make something for you and the other Med-jacks.’  

I practically stole the plate from her hands, placing it on my lap as I gobbled up the warm, perfectly cooked meat and the soft egg.  

‘Hungry, are you?’ Ada teased.  

‘Shut up.’ I grinned back, through a mouthful of bacon. ‘You would be too if you spent the entire night trying to save someone’s life.’ 

‘How bad was the damage?’ Ada asked, gently. This was a topic I really didn’t want to talk about.  

‘Bad. Really bad. If we hadn’t got him back here in time…’ I trailed off, unable to even say the rest of my sentence. 

Ada rubbed my shoulders comfortingly, as I shovelled another mouthful of breakfast.  

‘What are you going to say to him?’. She asked.

I sighed, exasperated. ‘I really don’t know. What do you say to someone after they try to kill themselves?’  

‘Well, I don’t think you have long to figure it out.’ She nudged my shoulder, referencing Newt’s small groans and little movements. He was waking up.

‘I’ll leave you guys alone.’ She said, taking my finished plate from my hands and the three dishes on the table of uneaten dinner Clint, Jeff and had been too busy to eat last night.  

‘Florrie…’ Newt mumbled; his eyes still glued shut as he gradually woke from his slumber.  

I stood next to him, waiting for him to wake up.

His eyes fluttered open, I saw those beautiful brown eyes I loved to stare at, filled with such pain. His hair was a ruffled mess and the only thing covering his torso were the bandages I had wrapped around his ribs.  

His eyes darted around the room for a second as he took in his surroundings and slowly realised where he was. His eyes met mine and they interlocked for a second, almost making me forget the horrible tragedy he’d inflicted on everyone, almost.  

‘Florrie-‘. He began.

‘Quite a fall you had.’ I interrupted, unwilling to hear his apologies.  

‘Love-’. He started.  

‘Don’t call me that.’ I shot back, too angry for his pet name.  

‘Was it a fall?’ I asked, ‘or was it a jump?’

Even though I knew better, I begged for him to tell me it was a fall, an accident. But Newt wouldn’t look at me, I had my answer.  

‘I’m not sure your leg will ever full heal. You might have a limp for life.’ I said as I grabbed some clean bandages from the table and began wrapping them around his leg, fiddling with the material and forcing my eyes to not look at him. 

‘Florrie, can we talk?’  

‘No.’ I said solemnly, tying the bandages up and walking back over the table, pretending to play around with some herbs whilst I hid the tears in my eyes.  

‘Please.’ He begged. I could hear the pain in his voice, and it cut through my like a glass shard.  

‘I said no, Newt.’  

‘Please. Just hear me out.’ He shuffled himself over on the bed, making a little room and beckoning for me to perch on it.  

Reluctantly, I walked over to bed and sat next to him.  

‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry for putting you through that. I didn’t mean to hurt you-‘  

‘You didn’t mean to hurt me? Newt, you tried to commit suicide!’ I yelled. ‘I had to watch you fall from the wall, and lay on the ground lifeless! If I hadn’t managed to save your life, your blood would be on my hands! I’m the Keeper of the Med-jacks, I’m meant to keep everyone safe!’  

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t think about you. I was just thinking about them.’  

‘Who’s them?’

‘Everyone. Every Glader we’ve had to watch die. I couldn’t keep losing my friends, I couldn’t keep seeing them die and have their deaths on my conscious. I couldn’t watch anyone else I care about die.’  

‘Newt,’ I slipped my hand into his, ‘We all feel that. I see Nick and George every time I go to sleep at night. No one should ever have to watch their loved ones die, but you can’t let it destroy you. We did everything we could for them.’  

‘This place is a prison. We’re prisoners. We’ve been here for so long, what if there’s no way out.’  

‘There is.’ I reassured. 

‘How can you know that, love?’  

‘I can’t believe that we are stuck in here for the rest of our lives, I won’t. There has to be a way out, because if there isn’t,’ I paused, ‘I don’t know what I’ll do. The hope that someday we’ll be out of here, is the one thing keeping me going.’

‘I think I’ve lost my hope.’  

‘Find it again. You can’t give up, Newt. We’re Gladers, we got each other. We’re here for you, Alby, Maria, Ada, Frypan, even Gally. And I’m here for you, and I’m not going anywhere.’ I smiled.  

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.  

‘Thank you, love’ 

‘Promise me.’ I said, looking up from his chest into his eyes, feeling his warm breath smother my face, ‘Promise me, you’ll keep fighting, Newt.’ 

‘I will.’ He promised.

‘I know you want to die because of them, but I need you to live for me.’ I begged. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you, Newt.’ 

‘I love you too, Florrie’. He said back, pressing a gentle kiss on my lips.  

For a while we stayed there, Newt drifted back off to sleep but I was wide awake. I cuddled into him, refusing to let got. Because, deep down, a part of me was afraid that if I let go, Newt would slip away.

#maze runner #newt maze runner #oc #maze runner gally #newt imagine #newt fanfic #scorch trials #death cure #newt deserved better #x reader #x oc #the glade #tmr frypan #tmr x reader #tmr newt #tmr alby #tmr fanfic #tmr fandom

[timextoxhajima]

Playlist Feels

*SHORT SERIES

Member: JUYEON

Genre: romantic smut or whatever you call a romantic version of having sex + drama with chaebol/lawyer juyeon

A/N: *IMPORTANT* i wrote this chapter whilst communicating with a part of my history that has caused both physical and emotional trauma to me. right now, i’m a safe mixture of upset/depressed/on the verge of a break down and it’s definitely going to show in my work, so i apologise if it doesn’t turn out well/uncomfortable. 

Links to other parts:

I Never Wanna See You Again

Frustrated (light smut)

Love Somebody (light smut)

Play With Fire (smut)

Stigma

Bourbon

~

“you want to run from being a chaebol? that’s fine.” 

“but know that you can’t run from me.”

“do you have any suites available?” juyeon holds you behind him, and it takes you awhile to understand what was happening. your fingers were tightly interlocked with his, and you could feel something burning in your abdomen.

maybe it was the realisation that there was nothing that could tear you away from him, and the way he fueled your assurance gave you a sense of security you don’t think you’ve ever felt before.

he’s defended you in the face of his mother, chose you over an engagement with another chaebol, and gave you the love you never received from your mother.

you wonder if he was only doing it because he knew you were a chaebol.

but he didn’t. 

not until an hour ago.

“yes, sir, we have the king, deluxe and premium suite. the premium suite comes with a city view and it’s on the top floor.”

he’s definitely going for that last one.

“the premium suite please,” he pulls out his wallet and takes out a black and silver card. the receptionist takes it with such grace, and you remember the last time you touched a black and silver card. 

you hurled it back at your parents and ran out the door the night they gave it to you.

keeping that stupid card meant accepting your chaebol role, and that was not going to happen. 

juyeon gets the door open, and he closes it by gently pushing you against it, lips connecting with yours without hesitation. your hands find the lining of the blazer and you begin pushing it off his shoulder, but he gets the deed done even before you realise it. 

he pulls away and lowers his head into your neck, but you stop him abruptly, and he looks up at you with worried eyes, the lust and need disappearing in an instant.

“oh, nothing’s wrong baby,” you chuckle softly, pecking him on the lips. “your... little marks haven’t healed in two days and i had to put concealer to hide them. i wouldn’t want you to eat up that shit,” you push against his chest and help yourself into the bathroom. 

it wasn’t as pretty as his bathroom, and you suddenly can’t remember seeing any other bathroom that’s as impressive as his. 

juyeon pouts a little, picking up his blazer from the ground and hanging it somewhere, a tad bit annoyed that you broke off the momentum just because you didn’t want him to ingest concealer. 

by the time you clean the concealer off, the collar rim of your dress was already wet and you’ve lost all the need to get it on with juyeon. you couldn’t help but to laugh while you watch him sit idly on the single seater chair, scrolling through his phone. 

“i’m sorry for ruining the moment,” you stroll over, gathering your gown material high enough for you to lift your leg over him and straddle his lap. 

“i’d be pissed, but i can’t if you were just worried about me swallowing your concealer, can i?” he grins, tracing the circumference of your waist with his arms. you expect him to kiss you and pick up the pace from there, but instead, he presses his head on your chest, ear against your cleavage. 

he’s never hugged you like this before, but the warmth his hold provides you naturally cues you to wrap your arms around his neck. you twirl his hair around your fingers, leaning your chin on the crown of his head. 

“can i tell you something, but you gotta swear not to tell anybody else?” you hear him say, the movement of his jaw pressing against your chest. 

you laugh, leaning backwards and brushing his fringe out of his forehead. “what, you killed someone?”

he scoffs, eyes halving into little crescents as he reaches up and tucks your hair behind your ear. 

“i told your mother that you were my fiance not because i wanted to hide the fact that your mother was the director, but because i wanted her approval.”

you feel the smile disappear off your lips, desperately trying to search his face for any hint of mischief that he was messing with you.

“...huh?” your mind was completely blank while your supposed law-abled brain feels like it’s being dragged across a minefield. juyeon’s eyes never leave yours, his hands now trailing along the edges of your ear and your jaw.

there was no hint of lust or need, and if you could see love, that was what you were looking at right now. 

“stay with me forever,” his hands leave your jaw and find your hands. “i know it’s been like two days since i asked you to be my girlfriend, but...”

he plants a kiss on the back of your hand. 

“i can’t pretend you’re not the best thing that’s happened to me.”

it’s another one of his speeches.

“just last friday, you saw through me, and the entire time after that prior to today, i simply saw you as a capable lawyer, and someone i needed to protect and keep close... but after finding out you are a chaebol...”

oh, no.

“i now know you are more of a person than i ever was. you had the guts and determination to run away from a life that most people would want, and you treat everything you see with care and caution. not to mention my house staff who consistently made fun of me the weekend for bringing home such a nice girl, as compared to my ‘cold’ complexity.”

the smile returns to your lips and you feel your heart melt into a puddle of goop. 

“you are the person i need in my life, and i don’t think i’ll be able to reach the version of myself i want without your help.”

you inhale sharply, hands reaching for his cheek and his hands follow yours. 

“can i tell you something too, but you promise not to tell anybody else?” you cock your head to the side, noticing him tilting his head into your palm and nodding. 

“you talk too much.”

a chuckle escapes his lips and it warms you to see him smile. he finds your lips and kisses you so slowly, so sensuously, that you don’t recognise it. 

“i love you.”

you feel tears collect in the corners of your eyes, and the words naturally roll off your tongue in response to his confession.

“i love you too.”

you feel him smile into the kiss, your heads tilted the opposite direction while he picks you up and walks over to the bed. your back hits the soft mattress, and he leans over you, arms supporting himself as the mattress around your head sinks. 

he starts kissing you again as his hand pulls up the gown, trying to find your skin. your fingers start fiddling with the buttons on his dress shirt, and you start undoing them slowly. 

his touch was so gentle and careful compared to the session in his bathroom, and you feel the love and affection he has for you ooze out through his fingertips and over your skin, the sensation causing your skin to crawl all over your body. 

you arch your back when his hands try to go under you in attempt to find the zipper of your dress, and he dips his nose into your collarbones and the remnants of his marks. 

you feel the wrap around your torso loosening, and he pushes it off your skin, exposing all the fading bruises that he left on you. 

he takes a second to admire his fading artwork, as if contemplating if he should make more. 

you finally get his dress shirt undone, and he lets you pull it off, exposing his arms and the veins that lined his skin. 

“you’re too hot for my own good, lee juyeon.”

his lips find the skin of your cleavage, sucking on a spot that wasn’t already painted. with one hand still supporting himself, his free hand gets rid of your gown and he tosses it aside, leaving you only in your lingerie. 

the sight of your bare skin and the marks on your chest and neck sends him over an edge, and he roughly lifts you from the mattress by the waist. you feel your head land on a pillow and he fits his hips between your knees, hands reaching to your back and undoing your bra. 

“also,” your words leave your lips sounding like a moan as he gets your bra off and begins sucking on your tip. “please don’t make me beg like the previous time. i haven’t really--” you arch your back at the sensation of his tongue around your sensitive tip while his left hand fondles with your other breast. 

“restored my pride yet--” 

you begin to mewl and whine under him, and your hands recklessly find his belt, mindlessly yanking on it just to get it loose.

“i liked it when you beg though, especially now that i know your last name is technically worth more than mine... there’s a kick to that,” he breathes against your skin before pulling backwards and sitting on his heels, undoing his belt between your knees. the angle gives you a perfect view of his toned body, and your feasted your eyes on the way his pants hugged his thighs while he leaned back. 

oh, good god, what a sight.

“so what if my last name is worth more than yours? i’m pretty sure you’ve earned more money for your family than i have anyway,” you wrap your arm over your chest, watching him get his pants off. the view of the contours of his hips dipping under his boxers creates butterflies in your stomach, and you wanted nothing more than for him to prove his love for you. 

“you really have no clue how that works,” he gives you a low chuckle, crawling back towards you and resting some of his body weight on your pelvis. his growing manhood was pressing against your inner thigh as he hungrily but gently tastes you, hands caressing your waist and fingers slipping under the only piece of clothing you had on. 

he leaves light kisses on your collarbone, chest and stomach, trailing his way south as his fingers drag your underwear off your hips. you feel the cold air hit your already wet core, and juyeon doesn’t bother to say anything to rile you up.

your voice comes out strained and it probably sounded like you were in pain when he presses his tongue flat against your heat. digging your fingers into the sheets, you feel his hands press down on your thighs to keep your legs apart. 

he fits a finger into you, then two, with his tongue circling around your sensitive nub. the sensation rids your head of any coherent thought, and you find yourself arching your back and your hips shivering against the mattress. 

he pulls away, sticking his fingers into his mouth and makes you watch. the sight doesn’t do much besides make you want him even more. your eyes find the tent on his groin, and it cues you to start tugging on the rim on his pelvis, desperately trying to get rid of the material.

he senses your urgency, and does it for you, giving you the perfect view of his length. you realise you haven’t actually seen it because the first time you slept with him, he fucked you from the back on his couch. the second time he was already buried inside you before he completely ruined you in his bathroom. 

seeing it for yourself with a clear mind ironically makes you lose all sense of thought. 

“that’s what you’re staring at... after you let me ruin you two times over?” his low voice rumbles into your neck, and his hands find yours to interlock your fingers. 

“i’d spend all my free time staring at you if i could,” a moan runs out of your throat when you feel him right at the entrance of your core. you feel his weight pressing into your palms on the mattress on either side of your head. 

“gladly,” he smiles into your skin. he looks up back at you with soft eyes, and the lack of lust surprises you. 

he’s not going to ruin you today.

he was going to show you that he loved you.

you feel him push into you, and your voice disappears as you look up at the ceiling. he finds your lips and starts making out with you like high school lovers, hands on your hips and fingers digging into your skin as he thrusts into you. 

they weren’t harsh like you remembered them to be, and the thought of him making love to you created butterflies in your stomach. the heat inside you intensifies with each gentle thrust, and you hear his breathing start to become irregular by your ear. 

you eyes were closed, mouth held open as he keeps your hands pinned to the bed, and your legs wrapped around his waist, trying to push him deeper and deeper inside you. 

the room starts to fill with louder and harder breaths, every now and then a moan escapes from your lips that he seals with a kiss. 

you hear his breathing halt for a split second just as he thrusts into you, and you feel something inside start to snap as well.

“juyeon, i’m gonna--”

“me too--” he groans into your ear, his pace picking up as the both of you mindlessly chase your high. “can i--”

“do it.”

he lifts himself to look at you in the eye for a moment, his hips not showing any signs of slowing down. 

“do it, juyeon.”

your approval gives him one last push, and you feel him all over your walls inside you. your wetness mixed with his as you huff and pant, your vision turned white while your body goes into a spasm. 

his grunts and growls help you ride out your high, his thrusts losing power and pace as he rides out his. 

finding your lips, he releases his hold on your hands and dig his fingers into your hair behind your ear. he holds your face as he lets himself finish inside you, and you could feel the load slowly seeping out of you and around his length. 

he presses his forehead on you, your pants hitting each other in your faces and a smile appears on his lips. 

“how’s that for a no-begging session?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

your eyes flutter open as the sleepy realisation that you didn’t jerk awake enters your mind. light was shining into the room, but it was raining outside and the soft pitter-patter of the rain drops encourage you not to freak out and wonder about the time.

it shouldn’t have mattered, but the rain does affect your decision. 

the blanket was pulled all the way up to your collarbone, and you feel your breasts against the soft material. you subtly shift your leg, and you realise you were only in your underwear. 

juyeon had helped you clean up and you spent nearly an hour with him in the bathtub, doing nothing but eat each other’s faces without having anymore sex. 

three times in five days was a little excessive. 

the only clothes the both of you had were your formal wear from the night before, so it wasn’t a curious case why the both of you were nearly fully naked and pressed against each other. 

you notice the weight of his arm on your waist over the blanket, so you turn carefully, trying not to wake him. 

your eyes trail along his forearm, up to his biceps and his shoulder. his chest disappears under the blanket, and you couldn’t resist the urge to brush your thumb over his cheekbone. 

the thought of his mother knowing how often her son was having sex with someone he wasn’t even married to tickles a funny bone in you, and there was nothing that could stop you from feeling the pride and glory when you remember you were, by blood, a chaebol of a higher rank than him.

even if this love wasn’t real, you could’ve ordered him to be your fiance and they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

but because this is real, you didn’t want your relationship with him to be decided based on your family backgrounds. 

you could only picture how confused she would be if the two of you got married before she found out you were a chaebol. 

maybe then she’d believe your feelings for juyeon were true. 

she’d find some excuse and say she was worried you were some ‘normal’ girl digging for his wealth. she’d probably apologise, even. but the thought of it sickens you. 

why should it matter if you were a chaebol or not? it’s not like you identified as one. in fact, you were so good at hiding who you really were, even juyeon didn’t know until you told him. 

your thoughts come to screeching stop when you notice juyeon’s eyes shift under his lids. he sucks in a deep breath, smacking his lips and turning his head a little. 

his eyes finally open and meet yours, his hand going under the blanket and snaking around your bare waist to pull you in. 

“good morning, my love.”

Part 8: I Like Me Better

#timetohajima #lee juyeon #juyeon smut #the boyz smut #the boyz #juyeon #juyeon imagine #juyeon series #drama #chaebol juyeon

[catboymingi]

forgiveness - in this life and the next chap. 6

navi/masterlist

story masterlist

pairing: mingi x reader

genre: angst, a little fluff; soulmates & reincarnation au

word count: 6.3k

warnings: language, insecurity, slight trauma (from emotional neglect)

a/n: @ the itlatn anon i hope you will like mingi more now… he is trying his best i promise he is

forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, and forgiving doesn’t mean acceptance. but forgiving can lead to a new start

“what the fuck are you doing here?”

it was yunho that spoke, and that made it obvious to you that mingi must have followed him without him knowing. you were relieved by that, relieved that the blond hadn’t betrayed you the way you’d feared he had when you first saw the other tall frame in your field of vision, a tall frame you wished you hadn’t recognised as easily. your friend had taken a few long steps towards his friend, staring him down angrily while he was telling you that he hadn’t told mingi anything about this, and for once it seemed like the brunette didn’t fuck up with his words, because he reassured that this was on him only, that he’d figured out yunho was going to meet you even when he hadn’t said anything about it and even when he’d told him time and time again to not fuck this up for him.

“mingi, i told you to stay the hell away. you can’t just turn up here. you can’t just fucking stalk me just so you’ll… so you’ll what? what even was your plan?”

he didn’t know what to say, completely taken aback by his friend’s angry outburst. yes, he’d fucked up again, but this was almost worse than when he’d yelled at him about having broken your heart. he hadn’t even yelled like this when you’d run away from them, feeling too empty to be angry like that. now, he was almost scary.

“you don’t even know, do you? you just do things without thinking, i can’t stand it. i want you to leave. i want you to move out.”

this was definitely new. no matter how much they’d argued, yunho had never told him to move out. he’d never even hinted at it. so mingi was just staring at him dumbfounded as you watched their interaction, and when yunho told his friend to move out you gently grabbed the taller boy’s arm, trying to get his attention.

“don’t, yunho, it’s fine. you’re friends, don’t ruin that, please.”

and only because it was you who was the one actually affected by mingi’s behaviour did he give in, glaring at the other man before moving closer to you protectively, making it easy for mingi to tell that he was going to lose his best friend to the girl he’d already lost if he didn’t fix things, and fast.

“thank you, y/n. and i’m sorry.”

it looked like he might mean it, but you weren’t about to get your hopes up again when it came to him. you weren’t about to get your heart broken again.

“you’re not sorry for me”, you replied, trying hard to keep your voice neutral, to keep it from shaking. you knew he cared about her only, not about your feelings, and while you wanted to pretend it didn’t it still hurt you.

“i am, though. i get you won’t believe me, but i am. i’m sorry for what i said and i’m especially sorry for how i acted.”

yunho was protective, making himself as tall as possible as he stared mingi down, because he felt you tense up at his words, trying so hard to not believe him because you knew it was just lies anyway.

“do you want him to leave?”, because he knew you wouldn’t tell mingi to fuck off yourself, but he had no hesitation to do so. and you nodded, avoiding to look at the brunette whose heart was breaking even though he should’ve expected this, because you had made it clear that you didn’t want to hear from him, not now and maybe never. but, to his surprise, you spoke up again before yunho could kick his ass to the other end of the continent.

“can you give me his number? so i can call him somewhen and hide mine.”

the blond nodded before sending a glare his friend’s way that made it obvious that he was no longer wanted here, and when mingi actually left you sighed in relief, letting out the breath you’d subconsciously been holding as you feared they’d start fighting.

needless to say, the rest of your meet-up with your friend wasn’t very relaxed after that.

//

mingi spent the entire rest of the day at his flat, the flat that no longer felt like theirs because he’d now accepted that she was gone, logically and emotionally, though that didn’t make it hurt less. he sent a message to yunho apologising for having fucked up again, though at least he hadn’t fucked up so bad that you’d leave their lives entirely now, and told him that if he did want him to move out he shouldn’t let their friendship stop him, because he deserved it, objectively. then he waited, nervously, anxiously, both hoping and fearing you would call him.

when his phone lit up with a secret number calling him he near dropped it when he tried to pick up, and you were almost about to hang up when you heard his voice, seeming out of breath even though he was very much just sitting on his couch, forcing out a “y/n?”

“yeah, it’s me.”

then it was silent for a little, because you didn’t know what to say, and neither did he.

“are you going to say something?”, you asked after about a minute of the two of you just breathing and thinking, a sharpness in your voice that hurt but was deserved.

“do you want me to say something? i want to apologise, but not if you don’t want to hear it. i’ve fucked up enough with saying things i shouldn’t have.”

he seemed genuine to you - he was -, and you gave him a chance to say what he had to say.

“just do it”, though your voice was still cold, because you were hurt and because he’d proven, just today, that he was unable to respect your space, so you weren’t going to get your hopes up now about whatever apology he was going to half-assedly (as you were convinced it would be) force out.

“i’m sorry. for everything, for the things i said and the way i acted, i’m sorry i even thought those things. i was hurting, sure, but that didn’t give me the right to hurt you. and i don’t expect you to forgive me, i just want you to know that i really am sorry, and i’m sorry for showing up today, too, but again, yunho didn’t know. i basically stalked him because he always has his location on and he’s not good at lying. but he didn’t say anything, so if you want to be angry at someone, don’t be angry at yunho. that’s what i really ask of you, to not blame yunho for my fuck-ups. please.”

he hated that he was almost crying now, but he deserved the pain he was feeling right now. guilt hurt, guilt sucked, guilt felt horrible, but that was how it worked. that was how it was supposed to be, because if guilt felt nice people wouldn’t want to change their behaviour. and he really needed to change his behaviour, even now, because he knew that it hadn’t been right to go after yunho, it hadn’t been right to stalk you like that, none of what he’d done had been right.

“i’m not angry at yunho. i don’t even know if i’m angry at you. i’m just hurt, you know?”

he knew. he couldn’t even blame you - his behaviour had been unacceptable, he had even hurt himself with it, so he couldn’t imagine how much worse it must have been for you.

“i know, and i’m sorry. i really am. and i’m so thankful that you still called me. god knows i don’t deserve it.”

mingi was really close to crying now, and while he tried to keep his voice steady you could hear him sniffle, something that, despite it all, made your heart hurt even more than it already did.

“do you have anything else to say?”

you couldn’t help sounding so cold, you were just trying to not let your weakness, your hurt show, because you were scared it was only going to get worse if you did.

“just- i’m sorry. there’s not much more to say. i can’t even say i didn’t mean it, because i did, in the moment, but i don’t think like that now. i was… i don’t know what to call it, i was kind of unable to really think about what i’m thinking because i was just happy and mourning and i was glad it was you of all people but i shouldn’t have said any of the things i did. it’s probably unforgivable, but if you could forgive me, or even just allow me to see you again or talk to you again so you can see that i’m not that fucking stupid anymore… i’d- i’d be so endlessly grateful.”

it was him who was crying this time, and you who was overwhelmed. you couldn’t stand the way he was sobbing into the line, so you hung up, a stupid and hasty decision, but you hung up, leaving him to fear he’d fucked up even worse now than he already had.

//

you weren’t able to listen to him cry because of you when you hadn’t even been able to figure out how you felt about him. and, most of all, you didn’t want him to hear you cry, because you’d been close ever since you called him, and when he’d started crying your tears had started to run down your cheeks, too, and you knew it would only be a matter of seconds before you’d be sobbing into the line. you didn’t exactly want to do that, so, instead of saying anything, you’d just hung up, and your hands were shaking too hard now to even text him. not that you would - you wanted your number to be secret, still, not sure if you were ready for him to reach you yet.

you kept crying, long, took a shower to calm down and were about to call him again when you started crying again, unable to stop because you were still so incredibly hurt, and you weren’t sure if his apology had made it better or worse. he seemed to know that he’d fucked up, he seemed like he was trying to change his behaviour and the thoughts he shouldn’t have, but that hurt, too, in a way, because now you couldn’t even be as angry at him anymore; if he knew what he’d done was wrong, if he regretted it, you couldn’t find it in you to hate him the way you pretended you had these past weeks. you couldn’t find it in you to cope through anger, and the only other way to cope was through sadness. you didn’t know if you liked this any better.

anger was easier, it was easy to direct your emotions outside and not have to deal with the pain his behaviour had caused, to not have to deal with the heartbreak and the feeling of just not being good enough. but he didn’t deserve the anger anymore, you thought, he didn’t deserve to feel as bad as he seemed to be feeling. surprising even to you, you didn’t want him to suffer from the guilt, even though he had all reason to.

so, when you’d finally stopped crying, heartbeat steadier and breathing even, one in the night, you called again.

//

of course mingi was still awake when you called, having texted yunho, who hadn’t really been able to reach you, either. you’d shot him a message saying not to worry and that you just needed a little time right now, and he could understand, really, telling you to text him when anything was up and threatening mingi with ending their friendship immediately if he dared to hurt you again even just once.

though, in all fairness, the brunette hadn’t even expected to have the chance to hurt you again. he hadn’t expected to ever hear from you again after you’d hung up on him like that, although he was hoping you’d call again, of course. and you did.

he near dropped his phone for the second time that night when his phone screen lit up again, a secret number calling once more, but this time he managed to pick up sooner, although his voice gave away that he’d been crying about as much as you had, hoarse and somewhat weak.

“y/n?”

“mhm.”

and though you hadn’t actually said anything he recognised your voice, immediately, and he was so relieved that you’d called him again, so incredibly relieved.

“you called again.”

“mhm.”

“i thought you hated me.”

“h-m”, because you couldn’t get yourself to say no, but a rise-fall-intonation hum would do the deal, being a no except you didn’t have to say the word “no”.

“i’m sorry.”

“mh.”

your one-word-replies left him uncertain, self-conscious, scared he was fucking up the more he said.

“can you please say something?”

but if he’d known what you’d say and the near heart attack it would cause him maybe he would’ve asked after a little more of your single-syllable conversation.

“i missed you.”

you had no idea why you said that, and mingi almost choked on the breath he was taking in anticipation, coughing into the line.

“you… what?”

he didn’t mean for you to repeat it, that wasn’t his intention, he was just not sure if he’d even heard you right, but your reply sounded slightly angry, as if he’d tried to get you to reveal your emotions again so he could hurt you all over again.

“i’m not going to repeat that.”

“no, of course, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean… i just didn’t expect that. i missed you too. i still miss you.”

your confession had made his thoughts go crazy, so he wasn’t thinking too much about what he said, the same mistake that had driven you away the first time, and when you replied he was scared he was doing it again.

“don’t say that, mingi.”

“i’m sorry, i just, i should think more. i just didn’t expect it. i don’t want to hurt you again.”

you could tell he was overwhelmed, and you pretended it was that and not the fact that you still missed him, too, that made you tell him that it was okay. that you were fine. that you hoped he was, too. you pretended you didn’t still care about him.

“thank you, i… i’m getting there, at least. slowly.”

you nodded, though he couldn’t see it, and he took a deep breath, unsure of what to do. he was tired, but he didn’t want the call to end, he was scared that if it did he’d never get to hear from you again. he was scared of losing you when his heart had given him the stupid idea now that he might get you back if he just acted right, if he showed you that he meant it.

as if you could read his thoughts you quietly told him that you were tired, and he subconsciously held his breath, fearing that this was it, that this was your goodbye, but you surprised him again.

“can we fall asleep like this? on the phone, i mean.”

he hadn’t expected this at all, and it took him a moment to even realise what you’d said, what these words meant, and another moment before he could react at all, but in those two moments you’d already come to regret suggesting it because you were scared he thought it was stupid.

“i’m sorry i shouldn’t-”

“of course we can-”

talking at the same time, and mingi immediately continued before you had the chance to think he wouldn’t want to.

“i’d like that, falling asleep like this. you need sleep. but can i ask something?”

“what?”

“can you please wake me up before you hang up? if i’m not awake yet. i want the chance to say goodbye.”

he wasn’t at all expecting you’d ever talk to him again afterwards, so this was important to him, having the chance to say his goodbyes this time, maybe get some closure. he didn’t want you to just be gone again.

“i’ll wake you up. now i want to sleep.”

this time it was him nodding and you not seeing it, but you didn’t have to, you just continued speaking.

“i’m already in bed, so i’ll just try to fall asleep now. if you still need to get ready, do that, no need to turn the mic off or anything. just… don’t hurt me again.”

how he could on a phone call you didn’t know, but you were scared. you were vulnerable and you were giving him more than he could ever have asked for with this call, and he wasn’t about to fuck it up.

“i won’t. goodnight, y/n. sweet dreams.”

laying back down, both of you, and pulling the blanket up to your chins.

“goodnight, mingi.”

and you fell asleep to his even breathing on the line, while he took another thirty minutes to get over his fear of you being gone the next morning, because he needed sleep, too.

despite being so anxious this was the best sleep he’d had in ages.

//

the next morning you accidentally ended the call when your alarm rang, swiping on your screen half-asleep and panicking slightly as soon as you noticed, calling mingi again right away because you didn’t want him to think you’d not keep your word.

“y/n?”

his voice was hard to interpret, left you unsure if he was upset, so you went to explain.

“my alarm rang and i accidentally ended the call. i’m sorry if i woke you up, but i didn’t want you to think i’d just hung up.”

he was surprised by your thoughtfulness, but he appreciated it.

“thank you. and good morning.”

“good morning.”

then it was silent, because he didn’t know if you still wanted to talk to him and you didn’t know what to say at all, what to make of this situation you hadn’t at all expected to ever find yourself in, but here you were, with mingi on the phone, each staring into thin air silently as you wondered what to do.

“i think i need to hang up” was how you disrupted the awkward silence, mostly wanting to hang up because you didn’t want to be alone with your thoughts while he was still on the line. you didn’t want to risk starting to cry again when he could hear you. you didn’t want him to see - or rather, hear - you be weak.

“oh, oh okay. goodbye.”

he hoped for nothing more than for this goodbye to be a “see you”, but he was certain it wasn’t. you were tired of him, of course you were.

“i’ll text yunho. goodbye.”

and you hung up, sighing loudly and deciding to text yunho right now so you’d at least have this over with.

[y/n]: i know it’s a lot to ask, but can you play messenger pigeon for me with mingi? i don’t want him to have my number, but if i want to call him i want to know he’s free, so could you text him in my place and ask if he is?

the reply came soon after, leaving you only a couple minutes of anxiety.

[yunho]: of course. just try not to get hurt, okay?

you smiled at this, knowing that even if you did get hurt he’d be there to support you, as he’d been the entire last one and a half weeks.

[y/n]: i’ll do my best. can you let mingi know? that i might call again, i mean

the blond could and would, asking you how you felt after and making sure his idiot of a friend’s stupid behaviour hadn’t upset you too much. he cared, you could tell, and you were grateful for it, grateful to have an actual friend that really did care about you and wanted you to be okay.

and you cared, too, asking him how he was doing and if he was okay and telling him that you hoped you hadn’t ruined something you could tell had been a very close friendship before you came in, telling him that he shouldn’t be angry at his friend on your behalf, that you didn’t want to affect their friendship, and making sure he didn’t feel so protective of you that it affected himself negatively.

[yunho]: dont worry, its my own decisions and tbh he really would deserve an ass kicking

[y/n]: i mean, he would

[y/n]: but kicking his ass is my job

then, because you missed the shelter and because you missed dancing, you sent another message, entirely off topic.

[y/n]: do you think that if i start volunteering again mingi would come after me and try to see me or has he finally got it

he left you on read for a moment and you knew he was thinking. but then his reply came, relieving you a little.

[yunho]: i think he got it. looked like a beat puppy when i came home yesterday, waiting in front of my door to apologise

[yunho]: and id guess he apologised to you again too

[y/n]: yeah he did

[y/n]: i hope youre right, i missed the animals

and because you really did you wasted not a single minute more, calling the shelter where you’d said you’d had a health emergency that kept you from being able to work when you warned them about not coming for a while, and they seemed more than happy to have you back. you could come today already, they said, if you wanted to and if your health allowed it. something you most definitely would - you wanted nothing more than to play with the dogs again. so you got ready to leave right away, telling yunho you might not reply a lot because you had a few puppies to love.

//

when yunho had let him know that, if he was lucky and didn’t fuck this up, you might call him again, using the blond as a messenger pigeon to make sure the time fit, mingi near couldn’t believe it. he’d given up hope, in all honesty, willing to accept that he’d fucked up too bad to get you to forgive him.

and when you called him a day later, while he was cleaning his apartment and changing it some more to be more him and less them, he was considering getting carpet floor for the entire apartment because sooner or later he would drop his phone and it might not survive it.

“hey”, you greeted him when he’d picked up, “i hope right now fits, yunho said it does.”

“of course, of course. i’m just at home right now.”

it was his home again, though he still spent a lot of time at his friend’s place, too. but he lived here now. it was his home again.

“okay. how are you?”

you were obviously trying to make smalltalk, but it was okay. it was better than not talking at all. and the situation was awkward, so he just joined in on the smalltalk.

“i’m good. how are you?”

“good, too. feeling a little weird about calling you, though.”

of course you did. he couldn’t blame you - you hadn’t been in contact for weeks, and now barely for two and a half days.

“i get it. it’s a little weird, to be honest. but what’s up?”

“not much. if i tell you what’s up, promise you won’t randomly show up again?”

the barking in the background had let him know from the start that you were at the shelter, so it wasn’t a secret to him, but of course he wouldn’t just show up. he knew the risks, he wasn’t going to take those again.

“you’re at the shelter right now, aren’t you? i can hear the dogs bark. i won’t show up though, don’t worry, unless you want me to.”

a stupid comment, wishful thinking, but he hoped you’d see it as him being respectful of your space and wishes.

“i guess you could”, and mingi would definitely need to get carpet floor, because it was last second that he caught his falling phone, trying desperately to prevent it from falling to the hard wood.

“right now? or when do you mean? do you even mean it?”

he didn’t want to pressure you, but he couldn’t help the hopeful tone that snuck into his voice. maybe you’d actually want to meet him, maybe you’d give him another chance. maybe you’d forgive him.

and he felt like a red bull advertisement, ready to fly, when you told him that he could come over if he left right away.

//

you couldn’t believe yourself, couldn’t believe that you actually let mingi join you, but you didn’t regret it when he came to the shelter, smiling at you awkwardly before kneeling down next to you to pet the little dog demanding attention.

“i’m glad you’re back here. i know you haven’t been in a while, i came here once to tell them i wouldn’t be here to help anymore and they told me that you’d said the same. but i know you loved this place”, he told you after a few minutes of just paying attention to the animals and not talking.

“i was scared you’d show up, honestly.”

he nodded - he hadn’t come there, but you couldn’t have known that. now you were back, though, and still as in love with the animals as you’d always been. you’d missed them, the little sweethearts brightening up your day as soon as you got there.

“i’m not going to stalk you or anything, don’t worry. though i probably kind of ruined that for myself, you believing me, i mean”, a lopsided grin because he was still embarrassed about just having shown up like that.

“you can prove it if you only show up invited”, you let him know, and he stared at you with an incredulous expression on his face. had you just implied that you might want to meet him again? he’d thought he’d fucked that up, and had kind of already accepted that any crumb of affection was something to be cherished, because it could be the last time you paid any attention to him at all.

“don’t look at me like that”, you then whined out, and it almost sounded like the way it had when you’d still been friends. maybe you could be again, if he’d understood you right.

“i just didn’t think you’d actually ever invite me again.”

“if you fuck up you know i won’t repeat that, so don’t.” a warning that was supposed to hide the fact that you were scared he would, but he saw through you.

“i’ll try my best.”

you hoped he would. you hoped he wouldn’t break your heart again, because your heart couldn’t handle another crushing, another breaking. you hoped he knew that, and you hoped he’d remove himself from your life if he couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t hurt you. you hoped for a lot of things, but most of all part of you hoped you’d be able to be friends again. especially when he gave you his sweet smile, trying to reassure you because he could tell you were anxious. you hated to admit it, but his smile still made some butterflies appear in your stomach, butterflies you tried to swallow down because the fear they caused you made you nauseous.

despite that, you gave him a chance. you texted yunho a few times after that to arrange the calls, then you gave mingi your number, telling him that he could text you but not overdo it. you were going to be friends again, maybe, if he kept up the way he was acting, if he kept treating you with respect, if he kept acting like a friend.

and because you were trying to be friends again you picked up dancing again, though you found your long hair to be annoying - you’d found that when you first started, too, but had forgotten about just how annoying it was -, so you decided it was time for a change again.

//

you’d buzzed your hair, he found out when you met up at the dance studio again, and mingi thought it looked great. especially with your dancing clothes you looked like you belonged in the studio, you looked cool, and he found himself cursing his stupid actions again because if he’d just fucking waited, if he’d just waited with making a move until he was ready to and until he was able to accept the fact that he’d caught feelings for you, then maybe he’d be able to call you his. but now he wasn’t, having no one to blame but himself.

still, the fact that he was able to dance with you again was more than he could ask for, the fact that he had your number and that you let him talk to you. the fact that you seemed to become friends again, slowly because you were cautious and because you still expected him to fuck up, but you were becoming friends again. you slowly allowed him back into your life, and he couldn’t have asked for more than to get to spend some time with you.

you let him join you at the shelter regularly again, too, thinking that he deserved a second chance, and you met him sometimes outside of both dance classes and shelter volunteering, going on walks and talking. you still avoided the topic of what had happened to cause the need for a complete rebuild of your relationship, though, because it hurt you and mingi knew that, and he didn’t want to hurt you any more. he’d apologised, and he couldn’t do more than that other than show you that he meant it and that he liked you for you, always had, that he’d just been stupid, fucking idiotic to not show it right away. to not even realise it right away.

the topic remained taboo until one evening, when you were hanging out with him, your parents asked you if you wanted to come over on sunday (which was in two days), and that they’d make your favourite food, except they didn’t list your actual favourite food. and even though you liked to pretend you were over it that hurt, and you asked mingi to bring you home right away because you weren’t able to hang out any more after that and he didn’t want you to go home by yourself if you were upset like this, and because he’d never even asked for your address before you knew he wasn’t doing this just to inconspicuously stalk you, so you agreed.

he hadn’t planned to do more than make sure that you were okay, but then you pulled him into your flat, telling him that you didn’t want to be alone and telling him that if he still wanted you to make him forget you could do that, because you in all honesty wanted to forget, too. you wanted to forget who you were so you could maybe fit the mold other people had set out for you, even though it had been a honest mistake from your parents, but you were near traumatised from the lack of affection this mold of the daughter they used to have had caused before you’d run away and now you were scared it was going to start all over again.

“i won’t do that. i know you don’t actually mean it, so i won’t. but i can stay anyway, if you want me to.”

you did. god, you really did. you wanted someone there, to hold you and tell you it was okay, so after both of you had kicked off your shoes you pulled him to the bed, and he was about to protest, but then you just dropped yourself in his lap, face hidden in his neck, hugging him as if your life depended on it, as you finally let out the tears you’d held in not just today, but the entire past few weeks, maybe months. there were so many feelings you hadn’t realised you still had, and he was here right now so he’d have to deal with it.

“no one’s ever going to think i’m enough or even like me”, you sobbed against him, and he stroked your back, the other one of his big large hands holding your head in an attempt to bring some comfort.

“you’re enough. i think so and other people do, too. and i like you, even though that’s not that important anymore, hm? but yunho likes you, too, he really does, and he’s been there all the time to like you, hasn’t he? he’s never acted like you weren’t enough. so if you can’t believe me, believe yunho, because he really cares. he’d love you if you let him.”

because mingi had noticed, of course he had. he’d noticed that yunho had fallen for you, maybe just a bit, maybe really deep, and just didn’t say anything because he knew his best friend cared about you and that you cared about the brunette, too. but yunho did care about you, it was obvious from the way he was willing and ready to beat mingi up if there was as much as the smallest chance that he was hurting you, and if your happiness meant bringing you into yunho’s arms so someone could love you that hadn’t ever made you doubt that you were enough and that you were important then he’d do it, even if it hurt. even if he wanted to be the one to make you happy. even if he wanted to be the one to erase your doubts. what he wanted more than his selfish desires was for you to be okay and maybe even happy. and he knew that, just like him, his friend would do everything he could to make you feel okay.

in that moment, however, you didn’t want anyone like that, you just wanted a hug and to cry and to be told that it wasn’t your fault that everything was so bad.

“i just thought they’d actually realised i’m a whole person again but they keep slipping up on the small things, and it makes it so hard to not feel like they still don’t care. to not feel like you still don’t care, either. what if it’s just an act? what if it’s all just a fucking act to get her back and it’s not about me, you don’t care about me, not even as a friend, i don’t know, i don’t know”, and now you were pushing yourself off with your hands against his chest, and he let go immediately but hesitantly, scared of what you’d do or say.

“i can promise you that that’s not it. do you want me to leave?”

your sobbing stopped for a moment in surprise, not at his first words but at him asking if he should leave, because he wouldn’t be asking that if he really didn’t care, because it would be so easy to take advantage of you right now, but he didn’t, instead he asked you what you wanted even when he obviously didn’t want the same. and that made you think. did you want him to leave?

“no.”

he nodded, somewhat relieved, mainly because he didn’t feel like he should leave you alone like this.

“do you want another hug? what do you need, y/n?”

instead of a reply you climbed back into his arms, hiding your face again, and he held you tightly, rocking you back and forth and whispering sweet nothings, telling you that you were enough, that you were a beautiful individual, that you were unique, that people loved you, all the things you so longed to hear and that he genuinely did mean, and then, because you seemed to slowly have calmed down and because it was getting late, he told you that you should sleep, and you asked him to stay the night and just hold you, and he said “okay” and pressed a small kiss to the top of your head.

he hadn’t thought about it. he hadn’t planned it. he hadn’t even noticed the spot he chose to softly press his lips against as he hugged you, trying to comfort you and make up for all the hurt he’d caused. it was an apologetic kiss, a thankful kiss, a comforting kiss. it was a spontaneous kiss.

but then the birthmark he’d adored that he was able to see through your buzzed hair started to fade, expand a little before it shrunk into itself, turning a little more vibrant in colour right after he’d kissed it, and he realised that it hadn’t been a birthmark. it was your soulmate mark, he just hadn’t realised it because he hadn’t been able to see it before. but now it was disappearing, right after he had pressed his lips to that spot, and he knew what it meant. he knew he was in some deep shit now. but this time, he wasn’t stupid like he’d been the last time that the soulmate business had left him unable to think straight. this time he controlled himself, until you’d turned off the light and were fast asleep next to him and he could be sure you wouldn’t notice his panicked state. he texted the only person he knew would be able to think clearly and give decent advice: yunho.

[mingi]: i kissed y/ns head and her birthmark disappeared what the fuck do i do

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[captainofthebrokentides]

Drug Addled Confessions Michael Ragosa x OC

Rhia, a nurse at San Antonio is enlisted to keep her boss in check after he accidentally takes MDMA, advice is given and the start of something big is kindled. 

Rhia sighed as she reached the nurses’ station, joining in Kenny’s emergency huddle.

“So I promised, I’d keep this on the DL, But I think it might need some damage control.” Kenny nodded subtly over to the far wall, where Michael Ragosa was leaning. The dark-haired administrator’s shirt was untucked, the collar loose and tie barely hanging around his neck. He was staring intently at a pump of hand gel, pointing the bubbles out to anyone who was passing by; very loudly. “How long has he been doing that?” She asked furrowing her eyebrows. Michael Ragosa was always so straight laced. She couldn’t think of a time she’d seem him properly smile – like a cheek hurting, uncontrollable smile, and she’d been working the night shift for six months. They’d had a few run ins in the recent months, their last big one had ended with him hissing at her that this was her last chance, her paperwork was about five weeks behind and she’s forgotten to stock count the pharmacy three days before, but it was on her to do list. She’s tried apologising, had explained that she was only human after all, but he had reeled off that the board were unprepared to take the heat of a missed stock take and he didn’t have the time or money to deal with an incompetent nurse. She’d been angry, shouting at him that if they weren’t so low on staff she wouldn’t have had to run between three trauma emergencies at the same time, and did he expect her to pull extra hours of the day out of her ass? She’d finished off her tirade by throwing her iced coffee at him. The brown liquid coating his fine features and soaking through his expensive looking white shirt. Luckily she had walked away and bribed Mollie to put her finished paperwork on Ragosa’s desk for her by the end of the shift, so she could at least cling to the last vestiges of being able to save her job. That was a fortnight ago … and the last time she’d spoken to him.

They’d got on well until about three months ago. He’d made her feel comfortable and laugh during her interview. He’d been nice enough to take an hour out of his day on her first shift to introduce her to the night shift big wigs like TC and Topher, both of whom now treated her like a member of their family, and to show her around the place, buying her a welcome cup of coffee when they’d arrived at the food truck. In the early months he’s even made a point of stopping her for chat in the corridors, his eyes looking warm and caring as he checked how she was settling in and if she needed anything. But over the last couple of months he had been becoming steadily more and more cold. He was being a dick, sometimes with, but mostly without reason. The only person he’d talk to without an edge in his voice was Landry. It hurt Rhia a bit to think that those nice, kind eyes that once welcomed her, now looked at her as though they were hard as stone, with no feeling behind them except annoyance and anger.

“About ten minutes” Kenny said quietly, watching as their boss gently ran his fingers across the wall as if he was lovingly caressing someone’s cheek. “Mhmm you should have seen him earlier, gazing into the ceiling mirror in admissions for a good five minutes, like a child staring into a candy store window.” Mollie agreed, closing the chart she was looking at sharply. The unexpected noise made Ragosa jump, the soles of his leather shoes actually leaving the floor, but his eyes never left the bubbles. “Is he having a breakdown? Do I need to get a psych eval?” Rhia asked, feeling equally worried and perplexed. “I know the whole Jordan and the Christian Scientist thing is a big bundle of hell, but I’ve never seen him like that.”

Kenny chuckled and ducked his head, beckoning Rhia closer to him so he could whisper. “Na, he’s fine. He’s high as a kite.” Rhia’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline, surely she had misheard, “What?” “Yup, he took some aspirin from Landry’s desk, but they weren’t aspirin, they were MDMA, and now he’s totally spaced” Mollie laughed and sauntered away “And making an ass of himself”

Rhia sighed, she had a feeling she knew what the answer would be before it even left her mouth. “I’m not even going to ask why Landry has MDMA on her desk, but what are we going to do Kenny?” The male nurse grinned at her, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “We aren’t doing anything, I’m needed in trauma two.” He clapped a large hand over her shoulder, “You however are going to keep him out of trouble, Jordan is already having a hell of a night, we don’t need him drawing attention too.” Rhia shook her head and tried to back away, but Kenny caught her by the crook of her elbow, his fingers gently squeezing the joint. “Oh hell no, Ken, he hates me. I’m not doing that.” Kenny smirked. “Who? Ragosa? That man doesn’t hate you. He can’t keep his damned eyes off you.” “Oh really?” Rhia pulled herself away from Kenny’s grip and crossed her arms defiantly over her chest. “What was all that shit he spewed at me the other week? He was so angry.” “You’re still here though, right? Did he even give you a disciplinary for giving him a bath in coffee?” Kenny had a point, she’d not heard a peep out of Ragosa since the incident, no word of apology or reprimand. “No.” “Exactly, the man has a sweet spot for you. Why don’t you use it to help us out?” Kenny wrapped his arm around her in a one-sided hug. Rhia sighed, she didn’t believe Kenny’s reasoning – Ragosa was married, sure it may be a little rocky right now, but she doubted he would be looking at her like that. She did have to admit though, she wouldn’t mind if he did, really. Michael Ragosa was an attractive man, with the warmest brown eyes she’d ever seen. She knew she’d get no peace for the night if she didn’t agree to Kenny’s plan. “Ok, but you gotta keep my back covered if we get busy.” “Sure thing! Good Luck!” Kenny nodded, grabbed a stack of files and walked away from the nurses’ station with a final chuckle at Ragosa, leaving Rhia alone.

She took a couple of deep breaths, she could do this, it was only Michael, he couldn’t hurt a fly really. She made her way over to the far wall, and reached out to touch Ragosa’s shoulder. He flinched for a second, but then turned to look at her, his eyes taking a second to focus. “Rhia!” he whispered breathily, and he smiled, and actual smile. Rhia found herself smiling back, his grin was infectious. “Hey Michael” she opened her mouth to coax him to leave with her when he cut her off. “Your hair, its so pretty, it always looks soft. Like silk. Can I touch it?” he didn’t wait for her to answer before twining his fingers through some of her loose waves, closing his eyes to indulge in the feel of it on his skin. “Sure you can Michael. And thank you, it’s nice of you to say.” His eyes sprang open again, and he gazed at her intensely. “I’ve got many nice things to say to you.” “Is that right?” he nodded, and fiddled with the ends of a curl. “Well, how about we go grab some water, sit in your office, and you could tell me them?” “Water” he repeated again. He allowed Rhia to take his hand in hers and pull him in the direction of his office. After a couple if seconds, he threaded his warm fingers through hers, and Rhia had to stifle a smile as a warm feeling began to bubble in the bottom of her belly.

Rhia closed the door of Ragosa’s office softly behind them and lead him over to the sofa. Michael sat down like a dead weight, the furniture complaining with a loud creek. “’m not that heavy” he mumbled. Rhia chuckled lightly and went to fill two glasses with water from the jug on his bookcase.  She passed one to Michael, and took a mouthful of her own, stowing it safely on the floor before herself down next to him. She made herself comfortable, crossing her legs underneath her. Michael watched her movements intently, sipping from his glass. Rhia looked up and caught his gaze, she smiled softly, but didn’t say anything, he looked like he was thinking. A few moments of peaceful silence passed.

“I didn’t mean it you know.” His head was hung in shame and he was looking up at her through thick, dark eyelashes. “I don’t think you’re an incompetent nurse. You’re so good at what you do.” He started counting compliments off on his fingers, avoiding Rhia’s eyes. “You’re kind, you’re caring. You always have a smile, people need to see that smile, it’s too beautiful to be hidden away. All the staff and patients love you. This hospital needs you, and I …” he swallowed heavily “I need you too.”

Rhia stayed quiet, listening to his speech, but she took his hand in hers, squeezing his fingers lightly for comfort.

“I’m sorry for saying it all. I’ve not been handling myself well lately, I let things get on top of me. Lydia and I are getting a divorce. She’s been keeping my kids from me. They have to call me in secret. Do you know how painful that is?” his handsome face crumpled slightly and his eyes became red with brimming tears. He rubbed a finger gently over her knuckles. “Everyone treats me like I’m a dick. All the time. Here and at home. Here at least it’s part of the job. Landry says I need to meet people halfway.” He slouched forwards, shoulders pulling themselves together in an unconscious self-protection move. Rhea sighed, it looked like these thoughts had been taking chunks out of him for a while. “I think that’s a good idea, it shows people you care and offers them some respect. That works for both here and at home. I won’t pretend to know what’s going on at home for you Michael, or how painful it all must be, but it can’t let you turn away from being the good, caring person you are. You should be you, live your life your way, give everyone respect and treat people fairly, and unduly judge no one.” Michael laughed and smiled at her. Another proper smile. Showing his pearly white teeth and displaying slight dimples. “Is that your key advice?”

Rhia smiled back warmly. “It certainly is.” Michael nodded. He pulled his hands away and rubbed at his eyes. “Do you want to know a secret?” he leaned in, so their faces were only a foot apart. His warm breath brushed cross her cheeks and Rhea felt her tummy clench with anticipation. His beautiful dark eyes held hers. He smelled like expensive aftershave, mint and coffee. She swallowed thickly and nodded, her words leaving her at their proximity. “I always wanted to be a doctor, you know, spend my life doing something to make other peoples’ lives better. I wanted to be good, beautiful Rhia. I wanted to be good, just like you.” He lightly touched his finger to the nip of her nose and gave her another heart-breaking smile.

“Why didn’t you?” She breathed, her brain clouded. He shuffled closer to her and put his lips next to her ear, his hand resting on her forearm. “I can’t see well enough, my eyes are deteriorating, I went with the next best thing. I’ve been waiting for something to push me to get surgery, something worth me facing my fear. I think I found it.” He pulled away from her, and watched her with sparkling dark eyes. Rhia smiled and cupped his face in her hands. “I think you should be you. Do what you want to do.” Michael nodded, and slid the tip of his tongue across his bottom lip, his eyes flicking between her eyes and rosy lips. His brows furrowed for a second, before smoothing out again. Clearly dealing with a inner battle. “You know what I’d like to do, right now?” his voice held a bubbling excitement Rhia laughed, “What would you like to do right now?” Michael got to his feet and took both Rhia’s hands in his, pulling her off the sofa with surprisingly controlled strength for someone that was rolling heavily on ecstasy. “I want to dance. Come on. I know where we can dance.” Rhia smiled and laughed, she let him lead her out of the office and into the courtyard where half the night shift were taking their breaks. A rhythmic Latino beat poured out of the speakers and filled the night air.

Michael, not caring about all the eyes on him, started to dance, arms in the air and hips swaying to the music. Unable to control her laugh or her smile that was mirroring Michael’s Rhia accepted his outstretched hand when it was offered, and tried to forget her surroundings. Ragosa spun her around and expertly helped her with every twist and turn. She laughed with him, and breathed in the fresh many scent of his aftershave every time she came up flush against his body.

“Rhia!” Rhia vaguely caught someone saying her name, trying to pull her out of her and Michael’s personal moment. “Rhia!” The voice belonged to Topher, who stood watching the two with his eyebrows raised. Rhia nodded at her friend and placed her hands firmly on Ragosa’s chest. “Michael stop, stop.” She coaxed, and he stopped, perplexed, watching Topher over her shoulder. “Yes Topher, what can I do for you?” she asked trying to catch her breath. “Kenny says you’re needed for an emergency assistance in Trauma three … if that’s not disrupting your night?” he grinned at her. Rhia looked at Ragosa who looked like a kicked puppy, his dark eyes sad. She gave his hand a squeeze. “I’ll be back, duty calls. Keep yourself out of mischief Mikey.” Rhia smiled and nodded at Topher as she passed him, “Cheers Toph, have a good break, we’ll talk later.” “Oh yes we will, you’ve got some explaining to do!” the older man shouted back as he made his way to the food truck.

Rhia pushed through people to get to the hospital doors, but stopped as she pushed them open. She watched as Michael continued to dance on his own, without a care in the world. “Wooh! Topher!! This is my jam!!” he yelled to the doctor over the music. Topher looked over at Rhia who laughed and shrugged going inside.

****

Rhia hadn’t seen Ragosa since she left him out in the courtyard, she’d figured he’d called it a night and gone home early, so she slung her rucksack over her shoulder and made her way out of the locker room and headed towards the entry doors to the ER department. To her pleasant surprise she found Michael waiting for her, leaning against a gurney. He had cleaned himself up, back to his usual smart standard, and his eyes were once again bright and clear. He shot her one of his dazzling smiles and waited for her to approach. “Hey, you’re looking good, how are you feeling?” she asked, placed herself next to him on the gurney, they were so close their shoulders rubbed against each other. He looked at her through his dark lashes. “Much better, I feel some … clarity.” He looked down at his toes. “my divorce is coming through, I worked out with Lydia that I can see my kids. And I decided to get the surgery.” He took a deep breath a looked up at her, his brow furrow free and open. “Thank you so much for tonight and everything you did for me. Thank you for listening. For being there. For indulging me. It means a lot.” He reached his hand out and grabbed Rhia’s giving it a squeeze. “I’m starting again. It’s a new chapter.” Rhia smiled at him, her cheeks flushing. She squeezed his hand back. “It’s a pleasure Michael, I’m always here, if you ever need me.” He breathed out a little chuckle and cupped her cheek in his hand. “I feel I might always need you.” Her cheeks burned with a blush and Rhia bit her lip through a smile that threatened to split her cheeks. “Would you like to come and grab a cup of coffee with me? One that we can drink, and wont end with it ruining my favourite shirt?” Rhia laughed and squeezed his hand tightly in hers. “I’m really sorry about that. I should have apologised sooner.” Ragosa waved his hand nonchalantly with a grin. “Never mind about that. So … coffee?” Rhia gave a sigh and leaned in pressing a kiss against his soft cheek. She liked how his skin felt under hers. “Right now, I think you need some rest.” She gathered her things and headed to the door. She turned back to look at him. He looked dejected and forlorn. “But let me know when your divorce comes through, then I’ll hold you to that coffee.” His face brightened and she waved, blowing him a quick kiss, “Have a good morning, Mikey.”

@reelovesbennycolon​ - it’s not Benny, but i thought you still might like.

#michael ragosa #the night shift #nbcthenightshift #topher #topher zia #tc callahan #dr ragosa #ragosa x reader #Ragosa x oc #the night shift imagines #freddy rodriguez

[saibh29]

Minor Head Trauma (Part 3)

Pairing: Will Halstead x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Drugs (misuse)

AN: I’m not a doctor, please don’t think my medical advice etc is in any way accurate. Also i’m not American and haven’t been to Chicago so I apologise if my geography or depiction isn’t right. 

When an old friend of Ethan Choi show’s up in Chicago ED she’s about to make life very uncomfortable for Will Halstead

Part One  Part Two 

********

Predictably, you had not been allowed to rest when you’d gotten back to the base. After giving your team a debrief of what had actually happened to you the General had then sent you straight back to regular duty. Sometimes he made you wonder whether he was more inclined to be your General or your father. You only thought about it sometimes, because if you tried too hard and really thought about it you were worried you wouldn’t like the answer.

That had been a week ago, your head was pretty much fully healed, you were still getting the occasional headache but it wasn’t anything that was making you suffer too greatly, you suffered much more simply from having to deal with Nolan 24 hours a day.

Rooting around in the pockets of your jeans you found a handful of change and counted it up desperate that it reached the right amount for a large mug of black coffee.

Luckily it seemed your pockets for once were deep enough to scrounge the right coins.

You pushed your way into the tiny coffee shop near the base, it was always filled to the brim with off duty service men and women. Men and women who had more sense than to risk the base’s cafeteria.

Elbowing your way to the front of the queue and glaring at any squaddies that tried to get in your way you ordered your coffee from the overly stressed barista and then fought with another customer who insisted that the coffee you’d ordered was his instead of yours.

By the time you squeezed back out of the café you were once again in a miserable, pissed off mood. What you saw though in front of you shocked you right out of that mood once again.

“Dr Halstead?”

“Captain Y/L/N” he looked almost embarrassed.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was, uh, I was looking for you”

“for me?”

Rubbing at the back of his neck Will took a few steps towards you. “I thought I’d check up on you, on your head”

“My head is fine. I told you, it’s pretty thick” you moved out of the way of a group of squaddies coming through the doors again which put you a bit closer to Will. “How’d you even find me?”

“Oh, uh, Nolan, he had to give a phone number on your arrival to the ED. I rang him, he told me you’d probably be here”

“Ok” frowning you sipped at the coffee in one hand. “next question, why?”

“Why?”

“Why are you ringing Nolan and turning up outside the coffee shop I go to to try and find me?”

Ok, now he really did look embarrassed. It was sort of cute, but didn’t answer your question. “Are you busy? I mean, do you have to head back to the base straight away?”

“I don’t” you did. Why were you saying you didn’t? You were going to get in so much trouble for this. Will was smiling though and your brain wasn’t functioning. “What did you have in mind Dr Halstead?”

“You really need to call me Will”

“You going to stop calling me Captain?”

“Maybe”

He was too charming for his own good, with that little half smile thing he was pulling off, hell the man was just… yummy. “So, what do you want to do Will?”

“Walk with me?” It was getting to be Autumn and even though the chill was starting to settle it was still warm enough to walk without turning into an icicle. “You look good in a uniform Captain”

“You didn’t look bad in your own either Doctor Halstead”

Together you walked down the street, you weren’t in the best area of Chicago and dilapidated social housing marred most of your view. Windows boarded over with chipboard and gang tags sprayed onto them. You didn’t even notice though; you were focused on Will.

Being focused so much on Will was probably what made you miss it, the shadow in the alley coming up in front of you, the hand waving at you and then suddenly the whisper of your name.

“Y/N”

Stalling beside Will you peered around him and found the frantic eyes of your informant. What the hell was he doing this side of Chicago.

“Daniel, what the hell?” you moved quickly pushing him back into the alley out of sight of any curious residents who still had glass in their windows. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you Y/N, real bad like”

The boy was shivering and trembling uncontrollably and the frantic look in his eyes filled you into the problem quite quickly. “Fuck Daniel, you’re strung out”

“Please Y/N…”

“I told you” you snapped “no drugs, I'm not fuelling your addiction”

“Y/N?” Will, crap, he’d followed you into the alley and was looking at Daniel in concern. “He doesn’t look so good”

“He’s fine”

“Y/N…”

“No drugs Daniel. It was our deal”

“I think they were bad” he chattered out “Y/N, I'm not high like usual”

“What?” you weren’t a doctor, you had no idea how different drugs affected the body. Really looking at him though you realised that maybe Will was right. Daniel didn’t look good and you’d seen him at some pretty fucking low points. “Will?”

Will was already moving to Daniel pushing him down onto a broken packing crate, the young man’s trembling seemed to have turned almost violent now and the shivers were racking his whole body.

“What did you take?”

Daniel’s eyes flicked off Will and back to you, not strung out enough to not be naturally nervous of a stranger he didn’t know. “Speak Daniel, he’s safe”

“Don’t know” you could barely understand him, he was finding it difficult to speak from the chattering of his teeth. “They gave me a syringe”

“You fucking idiot, and you just took it?”

“I had no choice”

“Y/N, we need to get him to the ED” Will was pressing his fingers onto various parts of Daniels body, obviously looking for something.

“How did you get here?”

“Drove”

“Let’s go then”

Will got his shoulder underneath Daniel’s arm and helped get the younger man back up to his feet he then rooted around in his pocket throwing his car keys at you. “I want to keep an eye on him, you drive” Will pointed back down the street. “Car’s that way”

That was quite a decent distance to go in broad daylight. The last thing Daniel, or you for that matter, needed was to be seen together. “Wait”

Pulling off your jacket you removed the top layer of your uniform, the simple khaki fleece, put the jacket back on and then shoved Daniel’s skinny arms through the fleece which also had a hood thank the lord, you pulled that over Daniel’s head.

Will thankfully didn’t question this just held Daniel still enough for you to dress him. When you were as happy as you could be that no one would be able to recognise him you nodded at Will. “Let’s get him to hospital”

Will bundled Daniel into the back seat of his car getting in as well and you started up the engine. Your driving skills had been honed in a military Humvee, driving through the sand dunes of Afghan being shot at by insurgents hence it had been mentioned by your civilian friends that you were a little… crazy.

Your dangerous (you’d debate that label) driving meant you got back to Chicago Med in record time. Daniel was now turning a sickly yellow colour and sweat was beading his face. He really didn’t look good.

Will had to practically carry him into the ED shouting for various other drugs and tox screenings while he laid Daniel down onto a trolley.

“You idiot” you said again, a lot less vehemence behind it though this time. “What was your big plan here? Wait in that alley until I randomly turned up?”

You couldn’t understand a single word that Daniel said this time. Instead you took hold of his hand. “Will’s a good doctor. He’ll get you fixed up. Then me and you, we’re going to have a discussion”

Will was back and breaking the hold you had on Daniel’s hand as he moved you out of the room. “He needs to be registered on the system”

“He can’t be registered Will”

“I thought that may be the answer”

“I'm sorry…” nurses were running in and out of the cubicle that Daniel was laid in, doing the various tests that Will had ordered. “I can register myself again”

“What?”

“I came back for a check up for my head. Charge me for everything”

“You wouldn’t need those tests for a head wound. It would be questioned why I ordered them”

“Will” grabbing his hand you pulled him away from the bustle of the ED and into a quieter corner. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you’re being involved in this but understand me when I say that Daniel can NOT be registered at this ED. For more than his own sake”

Will remained silent staring down at you.

“Please”

“I’ll bring you the forms. Fill them out for yourself… Y/N if this…”

“It won’t bounce back on you. I promise I won’t let it”

“The general?”

“Among other things. Just don’t let him die Will”

“You’re going to be a problem, aren’t you?”

“Always”

Before you could really compute what was happening Will had bent down, pressed his lips against yours in a kiss that seared a trail all the way through your body and then he’d disappeared again. Striding back into Daniels room, where you could hear his voice shouting out demands for even more tests.

Fuck, this was going to be all kinds of problems and you weren’t even sure if it was Daniel that you were thinking about.

*****

@clementines-x​ @the-chosen-one-time-lord​ @no-other-names-availible-blog​ @angelaiswriting​ @selldraug​ @angryares​ @thenovarose​ @georgiagrl1990​ @punk-rock-5-sos @mindofthescattered​  @dontstopxx​ @iamabeautifulperson18​ @madelinecraig03​ @ka-x-in​ @im-hurric4ne @mesmericbell​ @something–awesome @weirdpotato-14​ @putinontheritzz​ @soulslaststand​ @fuckthatfeeling​  @ember1201​ @morganlb23​ @kitkatbadass @tomhopperarms​  @fakingintrest​ @artprincessbree​  @dreamer-lover-laughter​ @artprincessbree​ @rime-warrior​ @captainvaneswife​ @jaib2-blog @kapolisradomthoughts​ @thingsandstuffienjoy​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​ @aya-fay​  @itsbubbaog​ @hp-hogwartsexpress​ @emmykinzs​ @thatbadassunicorn​ @sassywingednightmare​ @weirdnewbie​ @goyawriter​ @shipperfangirling​ @nathaliabakes​ @stillreadingfantasy @waywardblueshun

#chicago med #chicago MD #chicago med imagine #one chicago #chicago fanfic #will halstead #will halstead x reader #will halstead x you #will halstead imagine #will halstead fanfic #halstead #halstead x reader #halstead x fanfic #imagine #reader #reader fanf #Dr halstead #Dr Will Halstead

[wellamarke]

someday

humans challenge, week 4, day 2: prequels this is a prequel to the actual setting of @nachocheese-itsmycheese’s fic ’finally’ but refers to a time period mentioned within it

Sophie had taken her niece to the park, since it was a sunny afternoon and Mattie was busy with work. She sat in her flat, listening to how empty and silent it was without her daughter in it. Even the tapping of her fingers against computer keys couldn’t distract her from that absence.

It was funny to think that only two years ago, she’d scarcely been able to imagine herself with a child at all. Now, being without one, even for an hour or so, was what felt unnatural.

Mattie glanced over her laptop screen, at a picture on the wall behind it. It was a framed photograph of a sleeping baby, one pudgy hand curled up next to her cheek, the other tucked under her blanket. Her eyes were closed, the soft, pink eyelids hiding the piercing blue eyes she’d inherited from her father. It was unfair, really, how closely she resembled him. Sometimes Mattie wondered guiltily if that particular picture was actually all that good, or if she’d just chosen to display that one because it hid the most defining Leo-feature from view. The further he was from her thoughts, the easier it was to carry on.

It had been almost six months since she’d last heard from him at all. Leo was in the States these days, helping Athena Morrow with her research. He was still the only one of his kind, but Dr Morrow was convinced that with enough observation, she could figure out how David Elster had ‘resurrected’ him, and rework it for other head trauma patients. It would be a major breakthrough; it would rewrite whole fields of medical science. It also kept him well out of Mattie’s way, which was a bittersweet bonus. Part of her still loved him at least as much as she hated him, if not more. The balance was fragile, and tiring, and never-ending.

She finished fixing the faulty code she’d been asked to work on, and sent it back to her client, with instructions on how to check if their synth friend was responding to the update. That done, she was just about to click on the next email when the buzzer sounded, letting her know someone wanted to be let into the building.

She got up from her desk and pressed the intercom button, half expecting it to be Sophie, back from the park a little early. “Hello?”

At first there was no response. Then the intercom gave a crackle, and a voice that certainly wasn’t Sophie said, “Hi. It’s me.”

There was a pause. Then, “Can I come up?”

Mattie’s chest felt suddenly hollow, like a huge gulf had opened there, vast and terrible and able to swallow her whole if she didn’t do something to escape it. “Leo,” she all but croaked.

Another crackle. “Yes,” he said, sounding hesitant, as though answering a roll-call for a class he hadn’t signed up for.

“I’ll come down,” she said. She didn’t want him in her flat. She didn’t want to be enclosed in this space with him. Not because she had ever feared him or what he could do or say to her, but because this was her place: the home she shared with her daughter and no-one else, that had a bed Leo had never slept in and a door he’d never so much as knocked on. It worked for her because he wasn’t part of it. If she let him inside, even once, the trace of him would never go away. She wouldn’t put herself through that.

Mattie grabbed her keys from the hook and left the flat, pausing briefly outside the lift, but then drifting past it in favour of the stairs. She was four floors up. She would take the small delay, and use it to attempt to gather her thoughts.

Why was he here? What could possibly have brought him to her block, after all these months of silence? If there was any big, awful news in the family, she would know via Mia or Max by now. Surely he wasn’t here to apologise, or ask forgiveness, or any of those things she’d given up hoping for sometime between the start of her third trimester and the sound of a newborn cry. None of that was ever going to happen. They were always going to be unfinished, and she’d learnt to call the frayed endings ‘closure’. It was healthier that way.

Mattie’s heart was beating far too fast for just four flights of stairs, by the time she reached the bottom. She couldn’t pretend it was the physical exertion. Talking to Leo was, somehow, both the last thing she wanted to do, and the thing she wanted most in the world. Why did everything with him have to be a duality, a contradiction in terms?

She made her way along the hallway, her stride several times more confident than she felt inside. Eventually she reached the door, and she gave herself a final second to prepare before opening it.

He wasn’t on the doorstep, as she might have expected. He’d retreated to the bottom of the path that lead to the block of flats, hunched over, his hands in his pockets. Looking as he so often did, like a fish out of water, cut adrift from everything. He looked up at the sound of the door opening, and their eyes met across the short distance between them.

Part of Mattie wanted to stand her ground, and force him to be the one to close the gap, but part of her didn’t want to associate him even with the outside of her building. She went down the path and met him, fixing him with her coldest glance as she did so.

“What do you want?” she asked, bluntly.

He didn’t answer. Instead he looked about her, as if expecting her not to be alone. “Where’s…?”

She noted with hostility that he couldn’t even bring himself to say his daughter’s name. “She’s not here,” Mattie said.

Leo’s eyes widened slightly, but whatever he was wondering, he didn’t voice it.

“She’s out with Sophie,” Mattie added, before she could stop herself. She refused to wonder if her subconscious had taken pity on his obvious confusion. “Did you want to see her?”

He nodded. Mattie was taken aback, but she tried not to show it.

“Both of you,” he clarified, voice somewhat hoarse. “I wanted to see both of you.”

“Well, come back in an hour,” she said. “Or meet them at the park. Whatever you want.”

“You don’t mind?”

Mattie’s eyes flashed with fury. “Mind?” Her throat felt tight and strained, but somehow the words forced themselves out regardless. “It was never me who wanted her to grow up without a dad, Leo. That was you. I’ve wanted her to see you every single day since the moment she was born. I don't—” She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “I don’t personally believe that you deserve to see her. But I’m not going to stand in the way of my daughter seeing her father. She deserves that much, even if you don’t.”

She turned away from him. She’d said too much already, less than two minutes in - the conversation wasn’t going to end with a civil handshake now. She wished he would leave. She wished he would stay. She wanted him to never come back and never leave her side again. Most of all she wished she’d gone to the park with Sophie, and left an empty flat for him to ring up. She would never have even known he’d been here.

“I thought I’d left it too late,” he said. He cleared his throat, a strangled sound. “She won’t remember me.”

“And whose fault is that,” Mattie said bitterly.

“Mine,” he said, without hesitation. “Obviously, mine. Everything has been my fault. I don’t expect anything from you, I just… had to ask if you’d let me see her again.”

“Well, I’ve said you can. I’ve told you how. Is that all you came for?”

“No. I�� want to try. I want to try and… be something, to her.”

“Something,” Mattie repeated sourly. “As in ‘better than nothing’? How about just being her father?”

“I…”

He trailed off completely. Long moments passed before he spoke again. “I was wrong before. I said I never wanted to be a father, but what I meant was that I didn’t want to be my father. I think you knew that. We had that long argument about frames of reference, but I wasn’t hearing you properly. I couldn’t… I just kept coming back to all the ways I’m exactly like him. Do you know how often I’ve wished he’d just left me at the bottom of that lake? I couldn’t see myself doing any better than he did.”

“So you decided to punish our daughter for your own insecurities,” said Mattie. “This isn’t news, Leo. I’m not stupid. I don’t have to be a psychiatrist to know you’ve got issues with the concept of fatherhood - it would be weirder if you didn’t. But you can’t just…use that as an excuse. It’s not her fault. It’s not my fault. But you left both of us.”

“I know,” he said. “I shouldn’t have run away, or said any of the things I said. I don’t have any justification for that.”

“So what’s changed?” Mattie folded her arms in front of her. “Why show up now?”

“I realised I was wasting Doctor Morrow’s time,” said Leo. “She wanted to study my memories, the way they’re ordered and how the recall works. I let her see some of them. The old ones, from… before. But it was the newer files she was interested in, how my brain creates new paths for itself. And I wouldn’t let her see them, because I didn’t want to look up on that screen and see… you.”

Mattie pressed her lips together, and stared down at her feet, giving him nothing.

“I’d closed off everything about you. I hadn’t even realised I could do that. I don’t think I ever could before. When we first met, I told you I was unable to forget, and that’s still true, but I realised only recently that I can partition off whole sections of data. Like moving them to another drive. It’s something to do with the grafts Athena put in after… after Hester. There’s still a disconnect. Everything I didn’t want to think about, I was transferring across so that it wouldn’t keep surfacing, and that made all her research pretty much defunct, because she wasn’t trying to replicate a repair that went wrong. She wanted the real thing, and I couldn’t let myself show her it, because that would mean… admitting that I’d been avoiding even thinking about you.” He kicked at a stray stone on the path in front. “So I told her I was sorry, and I caught the next flight. The others don’t even know I’m back in England.”

Mattie stood there, stock still, taking in what she could.

“You asked me what changed,” Leo continued. “And I suppose what I’m trying to say is… nothing changed. All this time thinking I didn’t need you any more, but none of it was true. I just wasn’t letting myself remember. It’s all the same as it ever was.”

For a while there was silence between them. A breeze whipped Mattie’s hair over her shoulder, and she raised her hand to swipe it away from her face. She tried not to notice the dampness on her skin as she did so.

“It isn’t the same,” she said softly. “It’s two years later. We can’t just… pick up where we left off.”

“I know.”

“I meant it when I said I won’t stop you seeing her. But please don’t make her any promises if you’re not going to keep them. Just… spend some time with her. But not here. Her home is for people who are permanent.”

Leo nodded. “Okay. I’ll… think of something.”

“I really wish I could just say I understand,” Mattie said, honestly. "And that we can try again. But if…”

She shook her head. “No. I’m not going to start any ‘ifs’ today. Give me some time to work those out.”

She dared to look at him again, and wondered if she saw a glimmer of hope in those eyes. She had grown unaccustomed to reading them.

“I think you should go, for now,“ she said. “I’ve got to process some of this without you standing there.”

“Of course.”

“And...I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Mattie added, “But it was good to see you. I think I’ve been doing a bit of memory partitioning myself.”

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards, a sad quarter-smile.

“Where are you staying?” she asked.

“A B&B in town. Just until I find out if Max and Flash can put me up.”

Mattie nodded. “Get Max to let me know, if they do. I can bring her over to theirs whenever you’re ready.”

“Alright. I will.”

He met her eyes again. “Thank you. For giving me a chance.”

“I’m only doing it for her,” she reminded him, although she wasn’t sure how true the words were, even as she spoke them.

He would have to work a lot harder and longer than this, that was for sure. But maybe there was a reason the ends had frayed so wildly, like they’d always been meant to knit back together. Someday. Somehow.

Perhaps it wasn't too late, not just yet.

#humanschallenge #leotilda #mattie hawkins #leo elster #im sorry if I messed the timeline anywhere :/ #also hehe note how I Refused to name their child #hope you like it Jessi 😘 #sorry it doesn't really end I didn't really know what I was doing #my phone tried to change your name to Jesus #I guess I hope he likes it too