#help me im cryin a lil bit

[dawnspath]

"Hey Riku- look!" With a bright smile, Sora came in carrying a full basket of Corn. "We actually ended up with a full harvest! Can you believe it?" Despite their situation, Sora still found reasons to smile. {OH YEAH WE DOING THAT AU <3 @fated-stars }

being trapped in a place like the realm of darkness should've been maddening. after all, it was impossible to tell what the passage of time truly was. did time even pass at all? not for them, it seemed, but in the realm of light it did. it was a scary realization. he certainly remembered being distressed when he first wound up here. this time around, though, it wasn't so bad... especially since he had his best friend with him.

❝ wait really? that's great, sora. looks like the magic you used on them worked wonders, ❞ riku said, rushing over to him. he had his own slight smile from noticing sora's wide beam. it was nice to see the corn, too. it made him miss home a bit. it was nice, though. they didn't need to try and farm anything because the dark realm didn't require that they eat, but it was still a comforting gesture that helped them feel like they were more at home. ❝ honestly, i'm impressed. you usually need light for plants to grow. this realm works in mysterious ways... ❞

#fated-stars #( answered. ) #help me im cryin a lil bit

[gettinshiggywithit]

!Spending Your Birthday With Akutagawa!

(Pt 1)(this is part 2)(pt 3{comin tmrw!})

scenario:- its your birthday and akutagawa wants to do something nice

pairing:- akutagawa x gn!reader

Akutagawa wouldnt really be all that into it tbh

Like he just doesnt get why people would make such a fuss about the day they were brought into this endless struggle of a rat race

But when he sees how excited you get,he thinks that maybe,just maybe, makin an effort to keep that smile on your face wouldn’t be too pointless

He asks higuchi what he should do(OMG HIGUCHI MY LOVE IM SORRY) (also we all know that no matter what,higuchi wants him to succeed.... ITS TRAGIC BRO)

And she ofc has amazing ideas but um akutagawa is just a liiittle bit lost (insert wan face)

But in the end even the black lizard team help him

Ofc he didnt ask em( HE DOESNT NEED HELLPPP(okay buddy sheesssh))

Gin and higuchi picked out a present while hirotsu and tachihara got the decor

Aku was just...there ig? He kindaaa(not rly) helped with the decor but once the gals were back everything was set

They just needed u

And when u got back to a pitch black room,you were confused as FUCKK but a second later they all Jumped out and shouted

SURPRISE !!!!!!!

you were obviously taken by surprise!

And as the night went on tachihara and higuchi goT WASTEDDD while gin and hirotsu were the designated adults :’)

At the end of it all (higuchi and tachi had to be carried back😭) akutagawa took your hand and led you to the rooftop of the building

You were OBVIOUSLY confused all over again and i mean

Rightfully so

But when you finally got your destination you were blown away by the simple yet charmingly perfect set up

Fairy lights hung over a blanket with more blankets and pillows and a picnic basket (no wonder the fuxker wasnt helpin earlier he had just done this!) you were practically tearing up which had HIM confused

Like

WHY WERE YOUUU CRYIN??? WAS IT RLY THAT BADD???

But when you practically tackled him with a hug(something only you were allowed to do fyi) while thanking him over and over,her realized you were

HAPPY crying

And let me tell you

Boi was reallyyyy proud of himself

He then took your hand,and led you to the blanket where you talked and had your lil picnic and sure enough you started to fall asleep soon after

He laid you down before joining you himself and like

EIGHT HOURS LATER you woke up tangled together;his coat wrapped the two of you up in a lil makeshift burrito

Your first words to him that morning were “thank you that was the best birthday ever” and at that moment his heart raced with how pure pride and happiness.

please dont repost my work here as your own on any platform all rights belong to me except that of the characters used,their right belong to their respective owners.but these stories? mine.

feedback,likes,reblogs and comments are so very appreciated tbh :’)i hope you enjoyed and ill catch ya next time!

Comments & Reblogs w/ tags >>>>>>>>>>>likes please

Tag list open for anyone who wants!

#akutagawa ryunosuke x reader #akutagawa x reader #akutagawa headcanons #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #akutagawa fluff #bsd fluff #bsd x gn!reader #akutagawa oneshot #akutagawa x gn!reader #📚jaya’s tales #bsd fanfic #akutagawa fanfic #akutagawa x reader hcs #bsd hcs #bsd oneshot

[mvtricide]

                               @rquitr​​  sent  ;;  “ why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room? ” 

          there   is   a   LONG   MOMENT   where   silence   drags   out--   where   there   is   only   the   dead   of   the   night,   and   heavy   breaths   from   the   pair   of   you.   the   FIGHT   has   long   since   faded   away--   physical   aspect   died   down,   grown   boring   and   pointless   and   instead,   words   have   taken   over.   but   for   a   moment,   you   are   thrown   off.   PAUSED,   as   brow   raises   and   you   look   to   masked   hero   with   a   startled   look.  

          “   well..”     blink,   head   turning   slightly,      “   because   i   am?   ”   you   state   like   it   is   FACT--   like   something   he,   especially,   should   KNOW   better   than   anyone.   he   has   KNOWN   YOU   longer   than   most   now,   has   seen   each   and   every   twisted,   diabolical,   genius   plan   of   yours   unfold.   

                                                            HE   KNOWS.  

          eyes   narrow,   and   you   feel   a   sharpness   about   your   sense--   an   anger   rise.    

          “   batsy,   do   you   take   me   for   one   of   those   OTHER   IDIOTS   in   this   city?   i   thought   i   meant   more   to   you   than   that.   i   thought   you   SAW   ME   and   understood?!   ”

#j: shocked and hurt. im offended. how could u betray me like this cmere imma need to stab u a lil bit #a m y im cryin send help hes so ?!!??! #┊ ɪ·ᴍ ᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴏᴡɴ. ┊ verse five. #┊ ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀᴇᴅ. ┊ the clown. #rquitr

[jupiteroftheuniverse]

i need to seriously rethink my running playlist bc i have this one song on there that has a line thats like smth smth “you’ve never felt so sexy”. and like. here i am: bright red, sweaty, knees weak, arms spaghetti, outgrown me shorts so i have a cameltoe the whole time,, at one point i burped and it tasted like lucky charms. and then ‘confident’ by demi lovato comes on.

#and im cryin a lil bit #help me

[becca-e-barnes]

THAT CHARLES BLURB YOU WROTE???? — “You gone fuckin’ stupid for daddy? Feels like your cunt does all your thinking for you. Hope you stopped takin’ that birth control like I told you to cause baby, you’re pumped full.” —

IM MELTING?? HELLO??? CHARLES AND DUMBIFICATION????? YOUR MIND BECCA!??? I NEED MORE OF THIS PLEASE AND THANK YOU - 🌙

You know what, I had that one saved in my drafts, I’d finished writing it on my lunch break at work and I was waiting to post it. But on my proof read, that last line came into my head and I literally couldn’t help myself, I deadass gasped and then stuck it in before I could talk myself out of it 🤪

And like, let’s maybe consider… A lil bit of Charles (stepdad or otherwise, I don’t mind)… But you’re on your knees, hands clasped in front of you and you’re the absolute picture of obedience.

“Dumb little slut. Everyone round here thinks you’re so innocent but look at you, ready and waiting for me like it’s the only thought in that empty head of yours.” He coos mockingly, letting your eyes flutter shut as you feel a fresh flood of wetness seep through your already soaked panties

The sound of his zipper brings you back to reality and when you open your eyes, you’re immediately met by the sight of his cock.

You swear you never get tired of seeing him like this. He has such a perfect dick, not too long but thick and veiny, slightly curved and so sensitive. He’s so receptive to every little lick and stroke you’ve ever given him.

Almost of it’s own accord, your mouth opens wide, your tongue pressed purposefully flat down towards your chin and it’s the most inviting sight he’s ever laid eyes on.

“You look like such a dumb fuckin’ slut like this, you know that? You’ll do anything to get your mouth on my dick. Ready and waiting for it.” He gives himself a few lazy strokes, working a thick bead of precum from his tip before pressing forward, filling your mouth with his length, the weight resting beautifully on your tongue.

The moan you let out as your tongue licks at his veins makes him hiss but the fact you haven’t started moving yet really gets to him. You know you need to wait until you’re told. Daddy hasn’t let you suck him yet so you have to wait, he’s already taught you that lesson well.

“God look at you. Wish you could see yourself with your mouth stuffed full. Such a stupid little thing, aren’t you? Bet if I felt between those legs your pathetic little pussy would be cryin’ out for daddy’s attention. Don’t worry Kitten, daddy will play with it soon enough. Just wanna fuck this throat first.” His thumb dips into the hollow of your cheek almost lovingly before beginning to thrust in and out of your wet mouth.

“Mhm, shit. O-on second thought, play with your needy pussy for me, baby. ‘M gonna be buried in your throat for a while. Don’t you dare cum though.”

#asks answered <3 #🌙 anon #becca writes spice #apologies for being afk yesterday #tbh I didn’t realise Christmas is so soon and I have so much wrapping to do #Santa paws has brought Belle so many flavours of dreamies 🥰 #and I want to get all my work cleared up bc it would be nice to finish up a day or two early #wanna go to the Christmas markets #I never really get to go ☹️ #so I might go this year!

[dvrlingrenjun]

boyfriend!minghao

okay i feel like you guys want actual imagines but making bulleted point is so much faster and i feel like you guys like these- or at least i like them so yeah.

and i'll be taking a different approach w this one so :D

infatuated minghao.

tbh i didn't know how to word this like 'what minghao is like having a crush on someone' but i'm just calling it infatuation.

i feel like no one would know that minghao ever had a crush on anyone.

maybe a few people, but i think minghao would rather keep those as privacy things and how do you even tell people you like someone anyways?

like someone just gangsta walks up to their friend and says "yo i like this one person."

???

ANYWAYS-

minghao having a crush would be super low key but once someone puts the two and two together, it would've been obvious.

i have a feeling that sometimes minghao would daydream about them? or glance their way if they were in the same room as him.

and minghao would smile at his crush for every little interaction that happens. LIKE THAT SMILE FROM THE GIF^^^

like 'omg did that really happen???' 'iT REALLY DID-'

dates with minghao.

dates with minghao would consist of mainly late night sudden dates, like him texting at three am asking if you wanted a quick ice cream run.

different from late night dates, mid-day dates are a little bit more planned out. and at least you know when you're going out but anyways, i can imagine one of the dates of being in a park during spring.

anywhere outside during spring is prime time for a photo shoot, especially including the late night dates.

so best believe minghao is going to take pictures of almost everything including you.

also matching clothes during dates???

yes please.

we all know minghao is a fashionista, he would help you choosing your clothes for formal events or even for your dates!

(and he's secretly going to make you guys match)

also imagine being in a savage duo with minghao! (that's if you're like thughao :] )

everyone would burn at the comments both of you make. but dw ! nothing is taken too seriously :) and if it does both of you would apologize.

slightly going into the pda section??

i don't really think he would like to share dates or do pda when seventeen is around, not that he wants you to avoid them.

it's just, i feel like he wants to be intimate when there isn't anyone around. the most skinship he would do in public is hand holding.

but trust me when it's just you and minghao, he clings onto you like a koala. no, like a baby koala.

other than the "no showing big affection in front of my members" sometimes there were slip-ups.

for instance, lets say you were eating out with minghao and the rest of svt until you realized you needed to be somewhere. you stood up abruptly, looking at the time on your watch.

"oh shiz, i gotta go bb. love you."

you peck his cheeks and quickly ran out of the resturant, also waving goodbyes to svt.

on the outside, minghao would play it cool even though he is blushing HARD in front of svt, as if that situation was normal. but inside, minghao wanted to jump and squeal from the affection. slightly embarrassed that it happened in front of his friends, but he was proud. :D

kisses with minghao.

if it was the first time during the relationship, he would not initiate it ever. if he did, he would think and worry that the relationship going too fast for your liking or you weren't ready.

but after that, he would love your cute lil' kisses =].

i feel like minghao loves nose kisses or booping your nose... just me? okay.

but imagine just minghao barging into your place and the first thing he does to greet you is holding your cheeks then giving you a quick nose kiss. BYE IM CRYIN

if minghao had to choose nose/cheek kisses or lip kisses (?? that sounds weird but whatever)

he would have a little bit of an inner dilemma but he would ultimately choose the first option, the main reason is because what i said earlier.

nose kisses isn't as intimate rather than actual kisses and he would always try to avoid making you uncomfortable. so he chooses nose kisses :)

everyone in svt would always try to make anyone comfortable but i'm getting those big vibes from minghao. i don't really know why lmao.

but when you give him long lasting kisses he wouldn't mind it at all. in fact, he would smile in adoration!

would he or not be jealous?

trick question, i don't see him as a jealous person but i also see him at least a little bit jealous??

maybe depends on the situation, like if someone hits on you. i don't think he would be jealous but i think he would be a bit bothered.

but when someone gives you physical attention then he has a problem. only minghao gets to hug you and play with your hair >:(

i honestly don't know-

i would say around 75% not jealous and 25% yes he is jealous.

fights with minghao :(

no one ever likes arguments or serious fights, but things like these helps both individuals to grow closer or fully break apart.

remember i mentioned thughao? he would most probably start spewing out nonsense because of the fact he was so caught up in the argument.

also, i feel like minghao is a really calm and patient person, so when fights like these break out. something must have snapped for him.

the argument will come to a stop when someone leaves the room to cool down. leaving both of you to sulk in the situation in different places.

i don't think he would be one to immediately apologize at first. if minghao is in the wrong, he hates being said he was wrong and stand his ground.

but when it comes to you, he still won't admit it but he wouldn't be as harsh with anyone else.

if you haven't come to say sorry first, he would wait for a week or two and come to your place late at night (again 😗) and apologize.

and let's hope you two make up :D

after the fight.

after the argument, minghao would go back to the first stages of when you two started dating.

a bit more cautious because well, he doesn't want another fight to break out again.

but this behavior of him would probably pass when you say jokes or something like that.

when you're sad.

i think when you're sad minghao would be a little like the argument one??

like he would give you some space but not completely.

if you're asking for advice, he would give you the first thing that pops into his mind.

and i see minghao as a great advice giver or even just listener, so maybe it will help :)

overall.

overall, being in a relationship with minghao would be a realistic but fun relationship!

if you get what i'm talking about-

he wouldn't be really touchy or affectionate as the next person but it's still there :)

#q: love me or leave me #seventeen #svt #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen the8 #seventeen angst #seventeen drabbles #seventeen scenarios #svt fluff #the8 #svt angst #minghao #svt scenarios #svt imagines #svt the8 #the8 imagines #minghao imagines #the8 scenarios

[miaxeu]

      though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, MIA STOEGER is actually a descendent of DIONYSUS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-ONE year old MYTHOLOGICAL STUDIES MAJOR from LOS ANGELES, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite CHARISMATIC & DUPLICITOUS. 

( y’all dont deserve this real messy intro but im workin w half a bwain cell at 4am so i beg thee 4 mercy. nywyy im the excited new girl who’s hella pumped to meet all ur charas : katya ! feel free to hop in my ims to plot or drop a like and i’ll hop in urs ! x  )

POWERS

natural acting abilities — her ma’s a hollywoo agent so she started actin real early & now shes a big shot actress. there r more deetz on her career below !

chlorokinesis — it wasnt as natural as acting n she only started working on it when she turned 13 n started going to camps. b4 she just noticed shes good w plants but it wasnt super crazy or nything. its p good now tho ! shes prioritizing vine binding and manipulation 4 the self defense bc awards r cool n all but they dont rlly protecc from monsters ykwim 

levitation — shes trying her best ur honor

alcokinesis  — she cant conjure it or anything, she’s just immune to it ffff

BIO POINTS — cw: drug use ( full biography here )

her mom raised her by herself bc dionysus the party god was out of the picture immediately. she never told mia she’s a demigod & it was always just “ wow ur so talented ” or “ aww u got a green thumb ! ” but when she saw him claim 13 y/o mia by placing a weird hologram over her head while she slept, she knew she had to spill da beanz & tell her kid

ofc mia thought her mom was jus playing sum weird acting exercise w her bc her powers r so lowkey she could highkey just be a Mortal but insert sad whistle, the realizashun & the claiming meant heightened monster threat !! so yea ,,, one ended up chasing her a couple days later rip 

aside from the trauma, mia was ok. mostly bc she ended up cryin for dionysus like any child would n lo & behold he came & helped !!! as he should. nywy she made sure to go to summer camps every year after that but mostly just for protection purposes

she lowkey rlly hates this whole god business esp now that shes grown lmfao deadass thinks she got a bad deal bc life threats arent sexy !!! went to eonia eventually bc its Too Much Man. she just wants to go back to work and her life w the mortals w/o worryin for her life. would deadass fade her father if she could. may or may not be majoring in greek mythology to figure out the logistics of it all out of spite, who knows !

PERSONALITY

not ! a Drama Queen  —  dont get me wrong, shes hella Extra in the way she moves n acts sorta like shes always bein captured on film. is quick-witted & playful & can be a huge tease/flirt if she feels like it, but miss her w Real Feelings ! totally not sentimental. srsly she will try to rationalize away everything and is just,.,., not good w it. so soz folks, we just keepin it breezy here

ugh, she’s an Actress — aka she can act like she cares tho ! shes very much into keeping ppl on her good side. shes friendly n palatable to everyone bc its how shes been trained & while it doesnt seem fake, its def diff when its genuine

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known —  lemme circle back to the first one, ok so shes good w emotions but only in theory. does intense character work with her roles so she thinks that counts as her having eq when rlly shes just emotionally stunted, projecting n repressing like an idiot

blonde, skinny, rich, & a lil bit of a Bitch — shes only a bitch inwardly or to ppl she trusts enuff to let in on the gossip. if anyone full on opposes her or becomes real emotional, then this lil diva will rear its superiority complex head n snap a lil. will most probably do it v underhandedly n w a smile but it will be Brutal

girls just wanna have FUN ! — shes the child of da party god, so ofc she a true party girl. officially off the rails when she parties. inhibitions ? we dk her. can be insensitive in that case bc smtms its truly no strings attached, tis all abt the fun. likes company a lot & it doesnt even have 2 be loud or particularly abt her, she just likes having people around n the escapism of it all. will make friends with everyone n make sure they have a jolly fun time guaranteed at dionysus parties 

Work Hard, Play Hard — real responsible when it comes to work and commitments and if she trusts/likes u enough, she’ll give it 2 u straight, no bs. def thinks Calling Out is an act of love but maybe does it a lil too harshly smtms. v much into efficiency, sentiments be damned. not the feely words type. will sit next to u or party w u or even pay 4 ur therapist if u need sum1 to talk to. she will Be There while u work thru it, so long as u dont expect her to change n be all emotional n stuff

if she seems a lil contradictory thats bc she kinda is. tis the good ol nurture vs nature. her ma’s a real no nonsense chick n her pops is a frat guy drama geek greek god whos rlly into cottagecore so u get this lil blonde bitch whos sorta teetering on the edges

OTHER INFO  — cw: drug use ( full headcanons here )

re her career, she achieved pegot status when she was 18 aka she truly b dat bitch. shes not super mainstream famous tho, more like indie sweetheart, film snobs/critics fave typa gal. if ya want a trajectory she started w baby commercials then a sitcom from 4-10 ( think modern fam’s lily ) then it was off to the big screen & the stage ! 

mia has a lil bit of a drug habit. its not abusive or dependent, but it is a staple whenever shes parties bc alcohol is useless 2 her. started a lil young too bc hollywoo. primarily uppers/hallucinogens. she smokes weed a lil more liberally but the rest is mostly just an on occasion thing ( which, ngl, is a still a lil problematic when u party a lot rip )

after she got claimed, mia ended up going to demigod camps in a lot of diff places n countries, depending on where production would take her. there was never an established place, more like wherever was nearest when they wrapped up shooting bc monsters afoot n wutnot  

she was always homeschooled but she still managed to go to a prom and homecoming bc party is life. that makes eonia uni p much her first chance at having a normal educational environment & experience and even then its anything but. still tho this is her moment !!! im lit rally begging her to get a personality that isnt her internally rolling her eyes going “ its not that deep ”

might put up a bio/stats page if im feelin sxc but i wud jus like the records to show that mia stoeger is a bi sxc babe bc me ? write a het ? no grassy ass.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS — cw: drug use ( full connections here )

omg danny devito i love ur work ! 

,,, p self explanatory sdkjfs sum1 who loves her work ! it can be lowkey/highkey fangirl to a civil admiration

OR alternatively, y/m can Not Be a fan of her work. they might think the storyline of the projects she takes on r too out of touch n highbrow yada yada yada, but yes, we love to see either of it ! 

summer camp sweetheart !  

someone she met when at camp when they were teens ? doesnt matter in what country/city, but mia was only visiting so it was truly a one summer romance typa thing. bc she was younger, im thinkin 13-17 or w/e she was probably sweeter n a lot more emotional then. was it either’s first puppy love ? first kiss ? first “ relationship ? ” idk, do yk ? truly, so many possibilities. nothin set in stone just hmu bub 

summer camp pals ! 

p much the same as above but make it Platonic

party buddies !

or druggie pals. either way works but she wud luv it if theyre both xoxo

friends w benefits !

most probably ( but not limited to ) sum1 she met at a party skdjhsjk is it exclusive ? is any1 starting to develop feelings ? im down 4 nthing n evrything

alexa play true friend by hannah montana !

give mia her college bestie ! her confidant who knows her feels and can call each other out viciously with no ounce of resentment. we stan the friendships !

omg i love ur skirt !

that is the ugliest effing skirt i've ever seen. lmao basically sum1 mia pretends to like or acts civil w but rlly ,,,, Cannot Stand for w/e rzn   

im p much braindead rn but those are just sum ideas !!! ofc the usual staples like the pals, enemies, wutnots are also v welcome we love to see it. if u also have a wc that u think mia would fit in, id luv to know more ! there are also a couple more detailed ones here, but pls feel free to shoot me a msg n we can get 2 plotting x 

( * wipes brow * how did i type so much n say so little rip. mia is also a completely new muse so pls b patient n if i fuq up from time to time, pretend u do not see >.< nywy thnx 4 readin, sweets ! feel free to hmu here or at discord if ya wanna <3333 )

FULL INFO  ||  EONIA TASKS 

[harrystylinslut]

my live in time review of Emerald Fennell’s ‘Promising Young Woman’ (2020)

Promising Young Woman

Dir Emerald Fennell

So hello friends welcome to my reviews. I type my pure, unfiltered (mostly) thoughts about movies. I call it ‘chey watches films’ and I promise it’s going to stop being so serious. 

My first film I decided to do this on is Promising Young Woman since it was a hit at this past Sunday’s Oscars. Which was amazing - btw. So, of course. Spoilers ahead. These were my thoughts as they happened knowing nothing about the story because I don’t watch trailers on purpose. 

“Boys by charli xcx are you fucking kidding me”

“20 seconds in and i already need fucking help this is so funny”

“This club scene im screaming” ~internally~

“This looks like a blast honestly god I miss clubs”

“Her bangs are so cute” - me abt cassie

“This lighting is so fucking sexy”

“Oh my god YES drunk car rides are the fucking worst”

“Wait is she just acting lol”

“Omg he’s gonna roofie her”

“The way she’s not kissing back has me crying” - was actually cry laughing a lil bit 

TW: bedroom scene ewie

“WAIT QUEEN I LOVE HER”

“Omg she’s so hot”

“It’s raining men omg lmao”

“I’m crying at this movie I hate them” - term of endearment

“I want to marry Bo’s character” - sorta 

“Not him being a foot taller than her”

“Laverne Cox is adorable and needs to wear a gold septum always”

“Luv cassie so much and the Make Me Coffee Shop” - very interesting name for a coffee shop

“That waist yes gawd” - showing her braid

“YAY IT’S BO - oh my god I love that shirt”

“Oh my god they even know each other that’s so cute”

“Interesting choice of name for Bo’s character”

“That flirting style…. I love it. Sorta enemies to loving yep” so endearing 

“NOT HIM DRINKING THE COFFEE WITH SPIT IN IT LMAOOOOO FUCK”

“She’s a fucking clown I love her”

“I love this actor” - about the coke scene

“Oh my god jesus fuck he is so cringe”

“Not shoving drugs in her mouth jesus”

“LMAO HIS NAME IS NEIL THIS IS SOOO STUPID NOT THE KISS….NEIL IS AWFUL”

“She’s so intimidating I love it”

“Oh my god this is ME”

“Cassie is so hot”

“Stealin hearts n never saying sorry”

“Ohhh this thunder is very cool”

“The guitar fuck no”

“Not her forgetting her 30th birthday omg”

“Jesus her Mom is annoying”

“Ryan is so hot omg”

“Whew he looks so good”

“Im laughing so hard Bo Burnham is such a talented actor”

“I love this actress ((Carey)) so much”

“Would have been a great doctor she just didnt want it bad enough ,, very relatable”

“Not him saying she looks like his daughter omg but like she can wear some badass heels and not be taller than him thats kinda hot though”

“Oh my god not sex on the counter JESUS SHE IS BOLD”

“She called him lover boy lmao”

“I hate it I hate it I hate that people dont understand people can be triggered by school I hate that kids even have to go through that”

“Omg the social media stalking that’s so funny”

“Ew yeah… I hate seeing awful people happy”

I

“This seems shady”

“Omg yes bitches get drunk”

“Lmao thats right feel BAD”

“Not her saying they want a good girl shut up stop being pretentious”

“People dont just forget that those things happen and it’s so shitty she’s just passing it off OMG GGGGG I HATE it”

II

“Yep she social media stalks everyone and it sucks seeing so many awful people being happy and not being served proper justice”

“Knew it knew what Alexander had done - they allude to it very well”

“Yep drunk at a party”

“The dean didnt take it seriously at all and passed it off as just some little mistake because she was drunk. People dont just shut up. Yes fuck his life up he deserves jail time - that’s so shitty oh my god”

“There can be a different fucking system we can protect people”

“This is a female Deadpool I fucks with it”

“Oh my god Cassie is CRAZY also is the receptionist in on it LMAO”

“Why do they not have a case file? Did they not file a report with the police? What the entire loving fuck why does no one remember anything about this?”

“This is beautifully filmed”

“Awe Ryan is being v sweet”

“Oh my god shes playing her game again WHHHY”

“Ryan is so protective omg that’s lowkey hot though”

“She’s so hot”

“I love this scene”

III

“Omg not his day of reckoning jesus”

“People have been trying to get him arrested for years jesus”

“Oh my god cops are so fucking corrupt this is so gross”

“I love how genuine he is I cant imagine cops that have had to go through that”

“Lmao I can relate to Nina so much I did so much shit to stand up for people I’m a professional hype man tbqh”

“Jesus I wouldnt just fucking move on either”

“Awe omg Ryan is there for her I love him”

“Oh my god they are so adorable my heart breaks for her so much”

“I wanna dance with Bo wtf”

“THE KISS AHHHH WTF”

“Come and fuck my life up PLEASE”

“Oh my god why am I crying lol”

“This family is wild lmao”

“He’s so freaking sweet”

“Love how Cassie isnt actually crazy people just truly are awful”

“Oh my god them flirting they are so freaking adorable I cant do this”

“THERE IS EVIDENCE WHY IS EVERYONE BEING THIS WAY”

“It sucks so fucking much”

“God everyone was so drunk though you cant watch though you need to help”

“I truly think people dont realize how serious it is Im glad this movie will help that”

IIII

“Um loving this orchestra version of Toxic”

“NOT MAX GREENFIELD LMAO”

“Her posing as a stripper so true”

“Hell no yes go girl bully these men”

It got very serious and uncomfortable so I skipped to the part where Max Greenfield’s character enters the room. 

“This reminds me of the Bo Dukes story”

“That’s really how it was - it’s so funny to watch these investigations how awful they are”

“You can just tell he’s lying just tell the truth plEATHE”

“God he loved her so much this hurts”

IIIII

“Max running away oh my god bitch where u going”

“I hope Ryan isnt turned in I dont think she would do that”

“YES ARREST HIS ASS”

“The necklaces Im cryin”

WHEW 100/10 I really loved that movie a lot !!!

ANYWAYS. I will write a more comprehensive review for the blog I wanna start or my podcast - but here it is!

#chey watches filmes #promising young woman #oscars #OSCAR WINNING ACTYALLY #emerald fennell #margot robbie #carey mulligan #alison brie #jennifer coolidge #oscars 2021 #film #cinema #liveblog #bo burnham #the only man to exist #ever #focus features #sundance film festival

[ynkkoo-a]

            ♡◞  𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐨  𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐬  𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒖  !

            not  at  me  repurposing  one  of  my  theme  graphics  bc  i’m  a  lil  lazy  babie  ,  but  !  since  i  jus  hit  another  follower  milestone  n  the  decade  is  comin  to  a  close  ,  i  jus  wanted  to  say  thank  u  to  all  my  mutuals  n  followers  n  such  who  rly  made  this  last  year  enjoyable  on  this  hellsite  !  2019  was  tough  on  a  lot  of  us  in  a  lot  of  ways  ,  but  we  all  did  it  ,  babyluvs  !  we  saw  it  out  to  the  end  n  hopefully  the  20′s  are  a  lot  prettier  for  us  all  !  p.s.  i’m  sorry  to  anyone  not  mentioned  !  i  hav  the  memory  n  attention  span  of  a  babie  fish  ,  but  i  luv  all  of  u  soso  so  much  n  u  rly  all  do  mean  the  absolute  world  to  me  !  ♡

            first  off  ,  jus’  a  quick  an  honourable  mention  to  all  of  my  nonnies  of  the  year  ,  wherever  u  babies  are  now  !  in  particular  ,  my  cherry  nonnie  ,  my  jk  anon  (  @jminacious​​  )  ,  my  boo  ,  my  strawberry  nonnie  ,  n  my  grades  anon  !  n  anyone  else  who  has  sent  me  sweet  nonnies  ,  these  r  jus  the  recurring  ones  of  the  year  heh  !  u  sweet  nonnies  own  my  heart  n  truly  made  this  blog  such  a  lovely  n  pretty  n  positive  experience  for  me  ,  n  i  cannot  properly  express  w  words  how  much  all  of  ur  sweet  mssgs  meant  n  mean  to  me  always  !  ^♡^

            starting  off  w  the  mutuals  i  literally  never  speak  to  ,  bc  of  my  shy  babie  antics  ,  but  who  i  admire  from  afar  so  much  !  ur  all  soso  talented  ,  jus  all  around  beautiful  souls  who  deserve  the  prettiest  days  .  pleathe  feel  free  to  come  talk  to  me  ,  i’ll  luv  u  down  w  my  whole  heart  since  i’m  practically  ur  secret  admirer  anyway  .

@miyanez , @kimseokjvn , @rmsrpt , @capitae , @chunghart , @aronpiper , @jinjeongguks , @yukhciz , @cjdoesrpt , @pocmuzings ,  @chuuiez , @leeieno , @igorrpt , @luvgifs , @joonkookies , @drunkblushed , @savta , @frcylan , @jinsoouls  !

            now  ,  to  give  all  my  luv  to  those  who  literally  . . .  hav  my  heart  .  we  haven’t  talked  much  ,  again  bc  i’m  a  shy  babie  ,  tho  sum  of  us  hav  jus  recently  been  talking  more  which  makes  me  very  sparkly  ,  but  !  we  exchange  ims  here  or  there  ,  send  an  ask  or  two  ,  reply  to  n  like  each  other’s  posts  ,  support  each  other’s  content  ---  u  know  ,  we’re  cute  mutuals  !  the  ‘  will  they  ,  won’t  they  ‘  mutuals  !  for  realsies  ,  tho  ,  ur  all  so  talented  ,  whether  it  be  in  making  gifs  or  themes  or  graphics  or  writing  or  whatever  !  ur  talent  astounds  me  n  i  am  beyond  in  luv  w  u  !

@sprfluous , @chanheez , @loonarz , @jungjnsoul , @yeriimss , @hotjoong , @hiqey , @tcehyvng , @kvinabstract , @stcinfelds , @kermitgrinch , @mcninas , @doyyeon , @jminssii , @jiminslolli , @raihelps , @svnflxwer , @softcarpenters  !

            n  now  for  honourable  mentions  !  the  few  ppl  on  this  site  who  my  shy  babie  antics  did  not  keep  me  from  talking  to  n  becoming  friends  w  .  these  are  the  literal  luvs  of  my  life  !  our  ships  are  literally  *chefs  kiss*  ,  i  feel  comfy  cryin’  n  rantin’  to  u  guys  without  worryin  abt  being  annoying  n  i  hope  the  feelin’  is  mutual  ,  i  don’t  feel  even  an  ounce  of  anxiety  when  talkin’  to  u  guys  which  is  such  a  major  thing  for  me  ?  i  consider  u  guys  my  friends  sm  n  our  friendship  literally  means  the  world  to  me  .  ur  soso  talented  in  so  many  ways  n  u  hav  the  loveliest  hearts  ,  n  i’m  so  honoured  to  be  able  to  be  ur  friend  n  to  write  w  u  all  !  

            p.s.  there’s  cute  lil  mssgs  for  each  of  u  under  the  cut  !

@pointlcss , @ultraviclets , @musetories , @briingmetolifc , @heartvfire  !

♡◞  @pointlcss  !

                    alli  !  ♡  i  am  literally  so  happy  that  u  happened  upon  my  lil  1x1  post  a  couple  months  back  n  decided  to  mssg  me  abt  threading  bc  our  cute  lil  starstruck  plot  turned  into  a  friendship  that  i  am  soso  so  thankful  for  ?  there  is  not  anyone  that  i  wld  hav  rather  gone  thru  it  over  jungoo’s  long  hair  ,  tattoos  ,  n  haircut  w  .  that  one  pic  of  jjk  from  season’s  greetings  as  our  matching  discord  icons  . . .  stayin’  up  to  yell  abt  stray  kids’  n  txt’s  comebacks  . . .  i  literally  luv  this  for  us  ?  ur  soso  talented  n  making  gifsets  n  writing  ,  n  i’m  so  happy  i  cld  make  this  last  year  a  lil  bit  special  for  u  ,  bc  u’ve  made  this  year  such  a  special  n  pretty  one  for  me  too  !  i  can’t  wait  to  see  where  our  cute  lil  plot  n  ship  takes  n  i  hope  the  year  has  even  more  luvly  things  in  store  for  us  !  i  luv  n  adore  u  soso  so  much  .  u  rly  are  the  sweetest  soul  out  there  n  i’m  so  happy  to  consider  u  a  friend  !  also  thank  u  for  jus’  now  informing  me  abt  bts’  2020  tour  i  owe  u  my  lifeKSHDKJ  ♡

♡◞  @ultraviclets  !

                    ness  !  ♡  literally  . . .  the  luv  of  my  life  ,  perhaps  ?  i  remember  following  u  when  u  published  ur  first  theme  ,  bc  i  was  jus  like  .  wowow  wubbzy  ?  this  is  beautiful  n  free  n  i’m  broke  n  u  hav  my  heart  ?  n  u  know  ,  for  a  while  we  were  sort  of  will  they  ,  won’t  they  mutuals  ,  too  ,  which  was  cute  for  us  ,  but  i  think  we  actually  started  talking  when  we  were  both  in  abroad  ?  n  then  u  mssged  me  later  on  to  lmk  that  jjk  was  open  in  ur  rp  if  i  wanted  to  join  n  it  made  me  so  absolutely  soft  ???  like  .  ik  it  was  jus  a  lil  thing  but  u  captured  my  whole  HEART  in  that  moment  ?  n  now  ur  genuinely  sumone  that  i  trust  so  much  ,  like  .  the  other  day  when  u  let  me  rant  to  u  a  lil  bit  abt  smth  kinda  silly  ,  rly  ,  it  jus  meant  the  world  to  me  ?  n  u  mean  the  world  to  me  n  !!!  writing  w  u  is  absolutely  wonderful  always  n  our  current  ship  is  *chefs  kiss*  even  tho  i  hav  yet  to  reply  to  our  thread  again  BUT  !!!  i  will  do  it  ,  i  pinky  promise  ,  i’m  sorry  i’m  the  worst  .  u  deserve  the  whole  wide  world  .  ur  talented  beyond  belief  ,  ur  such  a  blessing  to  the  rpc  n  this  hellsite  as  a  whole  ,  n  i  adore  n  am  soso  so  thankful  for  our  luvly  lil  friendship  every  time  we  talk  .  u  truly  hav  made  this  icky  year  a  lot  less  icky  !  u  hav  my  whole  heart  !  ♡

♡◞  @musetories  !

                    sarah  !  ♡  u’ve  genuinely  been  one  of  my  best  friends  for  four  years  +  one  month  now  n  like  ?  wowow  wubbzy  ?  that’s  such  a  long  time  !  from  the  rp  that  shall  not  be  named  to  lit  rally  whatever  tf  we’re  doin  rn  .  u  were  the  first  person  i  ever  rly  shipped  w  on  this  hellsite  ,  even  tho  i  was  a  whole  babie  n  my  writing  was  godforsaken  at  the  time  .  n  now  we  lit  rally  hav  so  many  ships  up  our  sleeves  that  i  can’t  even  name  them  all  ,  but  i  luv  each  n  every  one  of  them  soso  so  much  ?  sum  of  them  are  so  iconic  that  they’re  jus’  eternal  now  (  we’re  rly  ALWAYS  on  our  eli  &  zazzy  bullshit  )  n  i  kind  of  adore  that  for  us  ?  we’ve  spent  so  many  our  jus’  stayin  up  into  the  night  /  morning  writing  novels  in  my  dms  ,  n  those  are  genuinely  sum  of  my  fondest  rp  memories  ?  we  don’t  rly  talk  quite  as  much  anymore  ,  but  that’s  okay  n  it  happens  !  we’ve  had  sum  ups  n  downs  ,  but  i’m  genuinely  soso  so  thankful  for  ur  friendship  these  last  four  years  n  here’s  to  four  more  heh  !  n  also  u  got  my  into  bts  so  i  owe  u  my  lifeKJSHKD  ♡

♡◞  @briingmetolifc  !

                    mozzie  !  ♡  wowow  wubbzy  ,  i  cld  genuinely  write  a  novel  abt  u  ?  we’ve  been  friends  for  practically  four  years  now  ,  too  ,  n  to  think  it  all  started  w  our  one  lil  ship  in  the  rp  that  shall  not  be  named  !  i  can  actually  n  genuinely  jus  talk  to  u  abt  anything  ?  whether  it  be  our  ships  ,  a  random  plot  i  wanna  write  ,  the  political  state  of  our  country  ,  how  fucked  ap  classes  are  ,  mister  jungoo  himself  ,  whatever  issues  i’m  having  w  sumone  that  i  need  to  get  off  my  chest  ---  there’s  literally  no  limit  or  bounds  to  what  we  can  talk  to  n  it’s  so  nice  ?  like  .  i  genuinely  trust  u  so  much  ?  u’ve  always  jus  kinda  been  That  Person  who  i  know  i  can  trust  w  anything  ,  who  i  never  felt  wld  judge  me  ?  like  i  can  jus  tell  u  anythin  ,  i  trust  u  so  much  .  ur  genuinely  one  of  my  best  friends  ,  even  when  ur  tryin  to  fight  my  babie  or  we’re  both  bein’  bratty  n  silent  treatmenting  each  other  or  ur  bein  a  stubborn  lil  babie  n  won’t  let  me  do  ur  theme  for  u  even  tho  !!!  i  luv  doing  ur  themes  !  but  it’s  okay  bc  u  hav  my  heart  ,  n  i  genuinely  ???  wld  be  such  a  different  person  w/o  u  in  my  life  for  the  past  four  years  i’m  sure  ?  n  also  ur  such  an  amazing  writer  ,  ur  muses  are  so  unique  n  ur  writing  is  so  fluid  n  ???  god  !!!  everythin  abt  u  is  smth  that  i  adore  .  pleathe  come  to  california  n  be  my  first  kissie  . . .  i  luv  u  !  ♡

♡◞  @heartvfire​  !

                    kacchan  !  ♡  oh  my  god  ???  where  in  the  world  do  i  even  BEGIN  ???  ur  genuinely  one  of  the  most  important  ppl  in  my  life  .  i  met  u  first  when  i  was  a  literal  fckin  babie  in  the  rp  that  shall  not  be  named  a  whole  four  years  ago  now  ,  n  like  .  we  didn’t  talk  a  ton  at  first  ,  but  u  were  never  weird  or  condescending  bc  i  was  young  ?  like  ,  we  eventually  did  start  talking  n  i’m  soso  like  ???  happy  that  we  got  close  ?  like  .  since  day  one  ,  i’ve  looked  up  to  ur  writing  n  u  as  a  person  ?  ur  characters  were  always  so  insanely  creative  and  unique  and  ur  writing  was  so  fluid  n  beautiful  n  just  ?  u  were  literal  goals  to  lil  14yr  old  kookoo  .  n  even  now  ,  whenever  i  do  a  reply  to  u  ,  i  will  literally  write  n  rewrite  it  five  times  over  before  posting  it  bc  i  want  to  make  sure  it’s  as  good  as  urs  is  !  like  !!!  god  ur  so  talented  !  n  like  .  especially  as  of  late  ,  we’ve  jus  gotten  super  close  ?  n  like  .  i’m  genuinely  so  happy  abt  it  ???  our  friendship  is  genuinely  a  WHOLE  blessing  in  my  life  ,  like  .  ik  i  can  talk  to  u  abt  anything  n  u  can  talk  to  me  abt  anything  n  we’ll  meet  eachother  w  the  same  amount  of  enthusiasm  ?  we  can  vent  to  each  other  n  completely  understand  n  empathise  n  talk  things  out  so  we  feel  better  n  it’s  jus  ???  we  jus’  get  each  other  ??  so  nice  .  thank  u  for  listening  to  me  when  i’m  anxious  or  sad  ,  n  for  not  thinkin  ill  of  me  when  i’m  bein  a  brat  ,  even  when  it’s  for  silly  reasons  ,  n  for  listenin  to  n  not  judging  me  when  i  talk  abt  jungoo  n  bts  ,  even  tho  i  talk  to  them  a  lot  n  ik  i  can  be  a  bit  much  sumtimes  .  like  ,  genuinely  ?  i’m  abt  to  start  crying  rn  ,  i’m  so  thankful  for  u  .  u’ve  helped  shape  me  so  much  as  a  person  .  helped  me  grow  as  a  writer  .  i  met  u  at  one  of  the  worst  n  most  important  ages  of  my  life  n  u’ve  impacted  my  life  such  an  insane  amount  ???  u’ve  always  been  the  first  person  to  talk  to  n  comfort  me  when  things  go  to  shit  n  i  truly  cannot  express  how  much  that  has  always  meant  to  me  .  i  genuinely  think  i  wld  be  a  bit  of  a  different  person  n  not  as  confident  in  my  writing  if  i  didn’t  hav  u  to  look  up  to  for  these  past  four  years  .  i  trust  u  so  much  n  i  luv  u  soso  so  much  !  n  i  am  going  to  reply  to  the  dm  u  sent  me  properly  ,  i  jus  need  2  formulate  my  thoughts  properly  first  ,  so  pleathe  hav  this  for  now  !  u  literally  hav  my  whole  HEART  !!!  ♡

#* koo rambles ! #hi i luv all of u !!! #this is the first milestone . i hav done anything for ! #will try 2 get that psd posted later ! ^♡^

[jamesdeerest]

dating james potter hcs

oof what a babe

pairing: james potter x reader

requested by: anon :)

okay so even tho james is a cocky boi he is sOfT

cuddles?? all the time?? common room?? great hall?? transfiguration class?? detention?? you fkn know it

‘mister potter, please refrain from cuddling miss l/n during my lessons’

‘but minnie, she’s so cute! look at her lil face, how am i not supposed to cuddle this?? don’t be jealous darling, you know i still love you’

also in quidditch matches james is the most embarrassing lil shit ever

he literally flies over to remus whos commentating

‘here’s an announcement from our very own loverboy, james potter everyone!’ 

‘hi everyone, just wanted to let you all know I LOVE Y/N L/N THANK YOU FOR LISTENING RIGHT THERE’S THE QUAFFLE I’LL BE BACK IN A MO’

you are bright red

after the match you go up to him

‘ughghgh jamessss’

but u snog him anyways bc ur proud of ur bby 

ok so i have this nickname hc with james

u call him jam pot

jimjampotts

jimjam potter

jimjam  pot

jam potter

THERE’S SO MANY OPTIONS WHY NOT

and he calls u love, babe, muffin, love of my life, wifey etc

he calls u wifey in transfiguration one time and mcgonagall nearly faints

‘aRe yOu tWo mArRiEd yOu’Re tOo yOunG’

‘not yet ;)’ james fkn winks

ur dead im dead mcgonagalls dead sound the alarm everybody faints james potter just WINKED I DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH COFFEE TO HANDLE THIS

spoiler: sirius just shouted that

sirius is a vvv supportive boi

loves u and jampot

even if ‘i can’t believe u broke us up thot’

whenever u see snape ‘begone thot’

snape is a dick im sorry

also if snape makes any sort of mean comments to u

u bet he’s waking up bald

‘jAmEs he looks like an EGG’

‘...’

‘I LOVE IT’

‘ME TOO’

anyway

even tho james is always happy boi

sometimes he is sad boi :(

‘why do sirius’ family have to be twats?’

‘why can’t i play quidditch well?’

‘why did i fail this test?’ even tho he got like 80%

but

u are ready with cuddles

and tea

and chocolate digestives and jaffa cakes and all the good muggle snacks

like monster munch

he LOVES roast beef flavour and u have a special stash under your bed for sad jamie

and oh my god he would love wham bars

especially the sour bits

‘james stop u’ve had way too much sugar today’

‘dOn’T yOu tEll mE WHaT tO dO’

and dates with james would be the cutest??

bc u can bet that the marauders would stalk u on them

sirius always squeals and gives them away

u and james have a game of who can spot them first

fights with james are the worst :(

he is vvv stubborn

and will not back down

but he will sneak into ur bed in the middle of the night and cuddle u

bc neither of you can sleep if ur fighting

oh my god MARRIED JAMES

DOMESTIC JAMES

PROTECTIVE JAMES

GIVE ME ALL THE JAMES

literally everybody would cry at his vows

even mcgonagall bc u bet ur ass she came

sirius would be cryin buckets

‘MY BABY’S ALL GROWN UP’- sirius and mrs potter

u just love each other sooo much and are perfect together :’)))

also voldemort shmoldemort he can go fuck himself 

u guys live forever with lil bby hazza

and omg u guys are the best parents

but u can’t say no to harry

‘mum can we make the pancakes fly’

‘...’

‘yes but shhh’

I LOVE YOU GUYS HELP

woo we posted! finally getting a request done

likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated!

send an ask if you wanna be tagged :)

tag list: @blackpinkdolan @hoewkeye @shadyladyperfection @sassy-specter @i-am-eating-rn

#james potter x reader #james potter fanfiction #james potter angst #james potter fluff #harry potter #james potter #pottair writes

[johnnyzest]

hi!! I've loved your blog for a while but i just wanted to say thank you for trying so hard. idk if stress is starting to get to you but i just hope you keep doing what you do, sorry for talking like a toddler but i just wanted to let you know how great you are

im cryin a lil bit omg this is so sweet and i appreciate u thinking of me!!!! :’) thank u so much!!!! i’m not gonna lie, figuring out tags has been a bit stressful but overall i’m doin alright and i’ve had a few kind people already offer to help out with the blog if i need it, so things are going well and i’m excited!! i hope u have a great day my friend i love u!!

#jzanswers #NICE THINGS #I LOV U!!!!!!! #anonymous

[bellatrixobsessed1]

The Mechanical Dragon (Part 9)

Zirin wishes that she can get into Azula’s head, to uncover the thoughts that lay behind those distant golden eyes. Lately she has taken to running her pointer over the scars on her arms. Zirin can’t discern any emotion.

 “They ain’t look so bad.” She notes. Azula tosses a look over her shoulder. “The scars I mean, they ain’t so bad.” She doesn’t think that the princess believes her. Lately she has been very straight forward, waking up, dressing herself, and then going to Okon to work on drilling through the wolf-bat bones. She still flinches at the drill. The sight of it alone puts the princess on edge and the sound worsens it. Zirin never knew her to be a woman of phobias.

 This day is different. “I have’a job fer ya, Zizi. I gotta get on werkin’ on them new wings.”

 Zirin clenches her teeth, she knows what he’s going to request of her. She knew he would from the start but has been hoping that she assumed wrong. When she was a small thing, she liked to help her father tinker with his machines. She liked to play with wheels and cogs and nuts and bolts. Mostly she had liked to create little sculptures that served no real point other than decoration or practice.

 He is an inventor. A mechanist. She is a mechanist’s daughter.

But she isn’t by birth.

But she isn’t practiced.

 “When ya was lil’ ya use ta be good with a drill.  Wh‘never I needed a hole, I jus han’ed it over ta ya ‘n let ya do yer thing.”

 “She ain’t some scrappa metal, father.” Zirin sputters. “She ain’t a blocka wood. I can hurt her. I ain’t know what I’m doing.”  

 “Ken ya buil’ a paira wings, Zizi?” He asked. “Ya know I ain’t got me much time lef…”

She has been trying to put it out of her head since Azula disappeared. It was more than enough to think about losing one person.

“Who gonna make ‘er wings if I ain’t? I need ta get ‘em done.”

 “You ain’t gonna leave me so soon.” Zirin whispers. “You can’t go ‘n leave me so soon.”

 “I ain’t got no choice, Zizi. Imma frail ol’ man, I been a frail ol’ man fer a long time.”

 Her stomach knots for the state of her father and for the state she could land Azula in if she messes things up. He hands her the drill and she is so very thankful that the princess is still working on breakfast and out of earshot. She finds herself pacing, trying to ease her nerves before Azula arrives. She wishes that she had the precision, patience, and forethought to work out the intricacies of mechanical wings. The knowledge to have them working and the skill to craft them.

 She watches Azula approach, her fear increasing with every step forward.  With Azula everything is routine and repetition. Like clockwork, she casts her shirt aside and lays down. Zirin takes a deep breath and steps forward. The princess shoots her a questioning look. “Father has to start workin’ on your wings.” She explains. “So I’m gonna do the drillin’ today.” She hopes her expression betrays nothing. Either it’s working or Azula is having less trouble masking her concern. “You trust me, right?”

 At Azula’s nod, she can’t help but think, good, ‘cause I don’t.  Holding the drill in her hand she is just as scared of it as Azula probably is.

 “I’m scared” she says as she brings the drill closer. “I’m his daughter but it ain’t run in my genes this stuff.” Maybe it isn’t the best thing to confess right now. She inserts the drill. Mercifully her father is a has given her a generous start. It takes a lot of strength to grind through the bone and Azula jerks more than usual. But, mostly healed, it doesn’t seem to bother her much. Or maybe, Zirin thinks, it is that she has simply been through much worse.

 “Memer when I tol’ you ‘bout how I was adopted.” She isn’t sure who she is trying to distract, herself or the princess.

 Azula shakes her head no. Zirin expected as much, but it still stings. “Well, when I was lil’ my real father and mother decided that they ain’t like me no more. I were a bit of a wil’ kid. ‘N they couldn’t handle me. One day they was buyin’ something from father—Okon, ‘n I guess I were bein’ real annoyin’ that day, askin’ if I could have this ‘n that.” She paused. “So I guess they couldn’t take it no more ‘cause they says, ‘if ya like it here so much then why ain’t you stay.’ I didn’t think they meant anythin’ by it so I kept on lookin’ ‘round the shop ‘n when I finally was done, my folks was gone.”

 Azula blinks.

 “It’s okay ‘cause they liked to hurt me anyway. Well Okon found me wanderin’ around cryin’ ‘n stuff. When my real parents ain’t come back he tol’ me I could stay with him, long as I helped out ‘round the shop a bit.”

 “My mother doesn’t like me either…”

 Zirin smiles at the sound of her voice. It is lovely to hear it again. It sounds just like she remembers it, darkly soothing like a cursed lullaby. “That’s how we met, ya know, I was yellin’ about how much I hated my ma, throwin’ a real good fit and you came up to me and said you felt the same.” Zirin paused. “But I don’t think you’re mother hates you she seemed worried when we was playin’ Kemurikage ‘n she found out it was you.”

 Azula makes a face.

 “I ain’t hurtin’ you am I?”

 Azula shakes her head. Zirin is thankful to hear it. She guesses then, that Azula still doesn’t fancy discussing her mother.

 Hours down, and she doesn’t know how much further she needs to go. So she slips the drill into the finished bone, gauging how deeply Okon had tunneled. A little more than halfway. Zirin sticks the drill back into the left wing. She does this twice more until she feels as though she has perceived the depth right. If she has, then she only has a few more turns of the drill to make. She makes them with more confidence than when she first began. “There.” She rubs Azula’s back. “I’ll jus’ get my father to check my work.”

 She hopes fruitlessly, that Azula will vocally answer, but she is back to only her head gestures. Her father has made great time with the wings, as she came to find. He looks at his new invention—he calls it the ticker for the noise it makes—and then at his sundial. The times seem to match up. “That late a’ready?”

 “Yeah we been workin’ for a while, father.” Zirin replies. “I was hopin’ you could make sure I done everythin’ right.”

 He gets up from his workbench and approaches Azula. “Ya did a fine job, Zizi. They’s nearly even.” He picks up the drill and evens the holes to his liking.

 Azula sits up and Zirin hands her, her shirt. Without another word, she wanders back to her room.

 “Thank you, father. For doin’ this for her.” She wants to say more. Usually she doesn’t but she isn’t sure that she’ll get her chance later, so she continues. “Thank you for bein’ my fa, when my own ain’t want me.”

 Okon’s wrinkled face warms. He puts his arm around her hand holds her very close, like when she was just a child. “Thank ya fer bein’ my daughter. I always wan’ed one. Didn’t think I were ever gonna get one.” For the longest time they simply stand like that. She supposes that there isn’t much else to say, that it’s best to just hang onto the feeling of the moment.

It just isn’t long enough.

But Okon needs his sleep.

 And so she makes her way to Azula. At first she doesn’t think that the princess is going to acknowledge her. Maybe she just wants to sleep as well. So Zirin stands back up, nearly as quickly as she had sat down. “Im gonna just let you rest then.”

A hand pulls her back down. She remembers again, what a relief it is to not feel claws against her skin. “Ya know, I do wish you would jus’ say that you want me to stay, ‘stead of pullin’ me down.”

 The princess refuses to answer the request any which way. But she does nuzzle herself against Zirin as she had in days passed. She wonders if the princess recalls having done so before. Zirin wraps her arms around her.

Still no yes or no.

But she does speak.

 “Thank you.”

 She doesn’t elaborate, but Zirin gets the point. “It ain’t no big deal.” She bends her head down and kisses the top of the princess’ head.

#Azula #Zirin #Avatar #Fanfiction

[uwooyoungs]

//

#hi im just gonna whine abt how much pain im in for a sec #my head is killing me (i rly think i might need to see a doctor bc i have been getting awful headaches so ffrequently) #i have awful awful hay rash all up my arms from throwing hay bales around earlier and it s t i n g s #like i put some calming cream or w/e on it and it (ofc) stung more before calming down and i though i was gonna die #i got a massive extremely painful on my inner thigh earlier today #again while dealing w/ hay #and it like.... i keep resting my elbow on it and cryin a lil bit #its ugly af toosfnjdgf #and my legs are sore from walking 2 miles then riding my horse then doing chores and tossing hay bales #and my wonderful fucked ankle is acting up again which is some like hell level pain #just..... #let me sleep for several years pls #and my back/ribs/abs hurt too i wanna fuckin g die #i wanna sleep but my head hurts too much pls #also i leave for school this weekend and i've barely even thought abt packing asdksgflh #im #heLP ME IM DYING #im done now i'll stop whining

[bloomvroom]

anger issue vent poetry

tw for .. idk gross stuff

I dont wanna go to jail so all I can do is fantasize and whine about it on my blog, or somewhere else but I dream of it being a possibility where I show you just exactly what you did to me, dad I’ll try to convince you to hop on my knife like you tried to convince me to hop on your cock I’ll try to make you see just how fair it is that im trying to coerce you into your own misery, im not doing anything bad to you with keeping you in fear all day, am I?

I want you to know what its like to be me, why dont you wear that cosplay for me? Why dont we stitch your mouth small enough, as small as it was when I was a child, why dont I ask you too “Do you think with a mouth that small a cock would even fit inside?” why dont we try? Ah but dont look so scared, im not even doing anything to you’ im not even doing anything to you, it was just a joke, my dear you know I love you so much id never hurt you, so quit fighting back, quit bitching and being so hysterical when youre being cut all over your body, these cuts arent that deep, so what you bleeding for? what you bleeding for? Do you think someone could die on a thousand, on ten thousand small cuts? But why are you crying so much? Its nothing to bad or to deep right? We just keep doing it for a couple of years, youll never know when it happens next, oh come on, what you scared for?

Whats that wanting some privacy? Why would you? Im not even doing anything that bad watching you like that, what do you think trying to hide yourself from me? No, we cant have. Just like you did to me. Show me, youre not allowed to hide it, hide it, cuz im entitled to see. Just like you did to me. If you dont want this why wont you fight back? oh, but if you do ill threaten to beat you black and blue for being disrespectful towards me, ah but you can cry all you want but whats being done to you simply aint bad enough to matter, nobody is gonna care, lets place someone next room that you think cares bout you and watch them stare into the TV or read a book instead of helping you, come on beg for their help like I did, beg and get hit in the face for it, dont fucking cry now, the world wont care for it, how pathetic of you, how truly pathetic of you to cry as if someone has been doing something bad to ya’ What are you so scared of? I do not compute, Why are you so afraid of me? Id never do anything to you, I never said the things I said to you, and if I did you deserved it - whats it if I kick you in the stomach when youre cryin there? Its not that hard, and you can take it cant ya? So lemme kick, lemme kick you right there or drag you by the hair, its all fair game, cuz its not like im really beating you up im not doing it hard enough to leave bruises Im just keeping you on your toes a lil bit, just how it should be

Thinking of killing yourself? But you dont even know what pain is, wnat me to teach you? Oh sure ill teach you what pain is if you wanna play that way you ungrateful piece of shit’

Theres people you like? I could just kill em you know? Hm? I was just joking my dear, but seriously, id kill them in cold blood, why dont you wanna be close to me? Come on be close to me, I just love love love love you so much oh I love you so much why dont you wanna be on my lap? why dontcha? Hey, dad, maybe if you think my skirt was meant as an invitation we should cut open your head, look into your brain find whats responsible for thinking your delusions matter more than my truth? Lets cut it out, its just no good to let you be with it, you do so much damage, its only fair and right to cut every little bad thing out of you, lets put you on the table and tie you down, lets start cutting, like you tried to cut me into your little lolicon dreamgirl, let me cut you apart, let me cut you apart until theres nothin left of you that resembles yourself so you finally be less sensitive, less, less sensitive, youve been so oversensitive and hysterical dear dad, lets make sure that wont happen again’ cuz like you said its just a matter of time until I give in, one day I have to accept you, so you can be patient, and the day has come where ive accepted that youre beyond saving, so lets make sure youre sedated and out of it, just like I was when you sexually abused me in my sleep, lets see you wake up not knowing quite what happened, but you’ll feel so different, but its all just in your head - youre just imagining things, oh dear’

you bitches are so fucking hysterical eitherway

[r-o-se]

Produce 101 S2 Episode 9 summary nice nice very nice 10/10

first off the eliminated trainees and LAST SEASON TRAINEES got more screentime than half of the trainees lkrjelj im so mad lol anyways lets do this jake paulers

1.      Oh nice we start with flashback scenes from the last elimination great good amazing I love pain

2.      BoA back at it again with giving kids heart attacks

3.      Oh my fucking god WHAT they’re…. They’re changing the number of debuting people*? Why? What? They’re revealing it after this evaluation…. Why….

4.      Anyways the benefit is 220k votes, 100k for the member who brought in most votes and 20k for the rest PLUS the winning team will get to present their song on MCountdown

5.      Open up team lost so many members they’re left with only 4,everyone from Daniks training group got eliminate. I know you know and Showtime also need one extra member

6.      Oh Little Girl and Never are going to vote people out from the team and the teams that lack members are going to choose new members from the ones who got voted out

7.      Everyone are trying to save their asses to satay in their teams now

8.      Oh my fucking god Minhyun just shaded Haknyeon lmaooo

9.      ‘Ong why did you move are you uncomfortable?’ ‘What am I, an amateur?’

10.   Open up only has Baekho, Danik, Kenta and Yongguk right now

11.   Moonbok gets eliminated from Oh Little Girl riperoni poor dude

12.   Sungwoon, Haknyeon, Youngmin and Seonho get eliminated as well

13.   I feel so so sorry for Seungwoon he tries so hard and his vocals are AMAZING and he looks super cute and is so determined with his skills and he is a great dancer but people won’t fucking give him attention please take better care of my boy he is so cute and so skilled

14.   They actually chose Guanlin over Sungwoon. Why. I love Guanlin but Sungwoon is so much more skilled. This hurts. Let my boy be center. Let my boy sing. L

15.   LMAO THEY DEADASS ELIMINATED SUNGWOON SO THEYD HAVE MORE SINGING PARTS COME THE FUCK ON

16.   Danik will choose people now, he picks Seonho, Youngmin and Haknyeon. Why Haknyeon. Pick Sungwoon. Why does no one like Sungwoon. Let Sungwoon sing. Bitch

17.   Jisung chooses Sungwoon as his vocal and Moonbok automatically goese to I Know You Know

18.   TAEHYUN EXPOSED SUNGWOON THAT HE HATED THE SHOWTIME SONG AAAHAHAHAHHA

19.   Oh Little Girl team is sad and moping and choose the center from Ren and Jihoon. Ren really wants it and honestly he has a good reason to be it since Jihoon is popular and not in danger at all

20.   SOMEONE WROTE JIHOON DOWN AS PARK WINK HOW CUTE AKJGRNK

21.   Anyways they do a blind written vote and Ren became center WOOO BABE GOOD GOING!!!

22.   They have another nemesis as well, Gunhee vs Sewoon for main vocal

23.   Sewoon has never been main vocal apparently??? What is this blasphemy??? Blocked LET HIM SING BUT ALSO LET GUNHEE SING HE IS IN DANGER IM CONFUSED AND SAD

24.   They did a blind vote, Baejy was thee only one who voted for Gunhee, others for Sewoon and Sewoon got the main vocal part. Gunhee takes the sub-vocal part from Baejy

25.   Sungwoon just expressed his heartbreak over being rejected by the Never team, people are laughing with him, offering him the leader spot and he’s like ‘Weeeeeeellll I’d like to be center actually J’ FEARIJKJFEKR I LOVE MY BOY Jisung and Samuel got heart attacks from that I swear to god

26.   Taehyun keeps giving him small snide remarks and it’s BEAUTIFUL let Hotshot live

27.   Anyways the Showtime center is Samuel rip Jisung and Sungwoon

28.   IM CRYING JISUNG TOOK OFF HIS CENTER STICKER AND SUNGWOON PICKED IT UP AND STUCK ON HIMSELF LET MY BOY BE CENTER I BEG PLEASE PLEASE

29.   Sammy boyo has problems reaching the high notes poor baby

30.   HYUNBIN BAB VOLUNNTEERS AS LEADER FOR I KNOW YOU KNOW AND EVENTHO DONGHYUN VOLUNTEERS AS WELL HYUNBIN GETS THE SPOT DO WELL BABE I LOVE U

31.   I hope Donghan can stay center this dude is so good hearted and gorgeous but low ranked he deserves better NVM RIP taedong is center

32.   Kenta and Seonho and Haknyeon all volunteer as Open Up centers

33.   FHRAEID THEYRE DOING THE CRINGEFEST OF FACIAL EXPRESSION COMPETITION SAVE ME

34.   It looks like Youngmin has adopted Seonho this is cute as fuck he keeps asking how others think about him

35.   They are blind voting again, Baekho, Yongguk and Danik choose Haknyeon, Youngmin and Seonho Kenta but….. Yongguk is like…. Entirely edited out from here lol what did he do @MNET STOP HATING ON CHILDREN but at least Kenta has screentime it’s the small things that matter

36.   Haknyeon has a loooot of problems with both choreo and singing and Baekho is guiding him a lot this is so cute ajeofljlkeslvnl

37.   Anyways Never is practicing and Minhyun gets chosen to be the center literally everyone are favouring him

38.   Never team are doing reallllllly well, they have no aired problems lol

39.   Ong is dumb as fuck and just claps slates thanks Mnet true quality content we all needed

40.   Rlaejfoaiejsof Big Woojin is filming Jonghyun who’s like ‘DON’T AIR THIS’ lol too late babe

41.   Someone nominate Woojin for the best cameraman those clips are SO GOOD LET THAT BOY DEBUT

42.   This team is so pure seriously

43.   They are preparing for the stage everyone look so good this is SINFUL KANG DANIEL SIT YO ASS DOWN

44.   THEY SHOWED JINWOO!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!! AND TAEWOONG AND JAEHAN!! MMO LIVES!! SUNGWOO IS THERE AS WELL

45.   Sammy bab is so taken aback by the crowd aw also seriously Jinwoo has gotten more screentime here in the crowd than the rest of the show combined

46.   Anyways back to practicing Triple H is there and literally everyone get so giddy when they see Hyuna SAME TBH but yeah all producers are there

47.   Showtime team really fuckin kills it during the showcase for the producers and Sammy babe gets praised a lot I’m HAPPY!!!

48.   Showtime stage is ALIVE and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! HOTSHOT BOYS!!!! LOOK SO GOOD!!!!!! PEACHY SUNGWOON AND ASHY TAEHEYUN!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT LIVING IS ALL ABOUT

49.   Fiaerjofiej they show the last season trainees more often than they show some of the current ones like damn u ever heard of Kim Yongguk?

50.   Showtime stage was SO LIT AND HAD SUCH GOOD VIBES!!!!!! THEY ALL LOOK SO GOOD TAEHYUN GOT HIS DUMB LIL TONGUE OUT AND SAMMY DID THE RABBIT POSE

51.   Next up is I Know You Know and ppl are cheering really loudly for Hyunbin my heart hurts thank u everyone for loving my tall child

52.   This teams mood is pretty low since they’re all really low ranks I hope they can do alright

53.   The fucking slurping noses they record need to ALL be deleted and burned

54.   The producer for I Know You Know is suuuuuper tight up lol and wants everyone to be perfect BUT HE PRAISES HYUNBIN!!!!!!!! GOOD BABY IM PROUD!!! GOOD KID!!!!!

55.   Akaefhkdifhaseoifd all trainers are praising Hyunbin this feels like heaven I’m crying

56.   This team has the ‘we are probs gonna be eliminated anyways so let’s just have fun’ mentality and honestly? I love it good luck kids love ya do well

57.   Sunghyuk is so cute I can’t get over this small byoo and then theres Hyunbin whose legs are like what two meters long

58.   OPEN UP OPEN UP OPEN UP WOOOOOOOOOOO MY BOYSSS THEY SHOWED MMO YEEE

59.   Haknyeon is really lacking so they gotta change the center. Even Seonho can do it (the choreo and vocals at the same time) so anyways Yongguk is the center now but they didn’t even say his name jesus damn

60.   Never stage is a goddamn bedroom and Seonho pushed Kenta onto a bed and straddled him BOI WYD UR LIKE 12

61.   DANIEL KANG IS ILLEGAL!!!! FUCK THAT GUY!!!!!!! KANG DONGHO WHO!!!!! NOONE THEY CAN GO FUCK RIGHT OFF

62.   BAEKHOS VOCALS!!!!!! BRUH!!!!!

63.   KENTA GETTING ACTUAL SCREENTIME!!!!!!! AS WELL AS MMO LMAO MNET WHY COULDN’T U SHOW THEM BACK WHEN THEY WERE IN  THE SHOW

64.   It’s time for Oh Little Girl ye boiiiiiiiii

65.   Afijoiajos Jihoon has a new aegyo oaireojfijw it’s the Jooheons baby voice gugugaga thing I for once support Park McWink

66.   Jihoon is dressed up in all pink while others are monochrome black and white aaaaahhahaha

67.   OLG team has some problems apparently plus the center is still not clear. Baejy has problems with his vocals and Sewoon is helping I’m glad

68.   Sewoon does really well and gets praised by the producers and hes all jumpy and cute lil baby overall EVERYONE are doing really well Baejy as well this is so cute what a pure recording session

69.   Minki has prorblems concentrating and Gunhee is being a bit shady and holy damn Jihoon fuckin slammed thhe door and walked out

70.   Sewoon followed him and Jihoon apparently finds the groups atmosphere problematic and Gunhee is like tell us whats wrong?? (To Ren) and Ren walks out and slams the door even harder holy fucking god

71.   AAAAHAHHAHAHAH THE DUMBOS GUNHEE WALKED INTO THE ROOM AND THE TWO IDIOTS HUGGED AND GIGGLED WHATS GOIN ON

72.   DUMBASSES THIS IS A HIDDEN CAMERA AS A BDAY PRESENT TO SEWOON AND PARK WINK

73.   Jihoon looks shook af and hides his face in hands and Sewoon doesn’t really realize what’s going on and just claps along and then falls on his back oigjrolawirjo SOFT KIDS

74.   ‘We slammed the door too, this will definitely get into the trailer’

75.   Is eating cake with chopsticks a thing people do

76.   Aejofiejwafofi Jihoon looks like a McDonalds mascot I’m cryin

77.   Gunhee looks SO GOOD! BRO WTF HYUNGSEOB AS WELL

78.   And Mnet did Ren’s visuals dirty as literally Always

79.   Oh my triple H are visiting the never team and everyone are dying inside

80.   Everyone are freaking out and Guanlin is like oh hyungs came lol

81.   Everyone love the Never team and tbh? They deserve it the song is great the team is good and everything just fits

82.   Guanlin took the Never team to Cube HQ everyone are like woaaaaaaahhhhhh holy shiiiiiiiiiiitttt

83.   His locker is messy as fuck lol clean after yourself boy

84.   Krehhfnlakjwef hes presenting his first evaluation choreo he did with Seonho and others are able to follow it right away this is so funny lol

85.   ERAFKLAEN THE CUBE CHICKS WERE SUPPPOSED TO DO THE EVALUATION WITH A TROUBLEMAKER COVER BUT DIDN’T BECAUSE THEIR SKILLS WERE TOO INCONSISTENT THIS IS SO FUNNY DUDE I SAW THE VID BUT I DIDN’T KNOW THEY WERE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO AUDITION WITH THAT AGELRIJFAEL

86.   THE SLAPPING SOUNDS WHEN GUANLIN HITS SEONHOS BUTT BOI UR LIKE 12

87.   This team is so giddy at every single little compliment and they’re also treating them as equals not trainees

88.   JAEWHAN IS RAPPING WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! KIM JAEHWAN!!!! MY BOY!!!! GODDAMN

89.   What the fuck is Hyojong wearing does he even see behind his hat

90.   AEAAAHAHAHAHAHAH HYOJONG ASKED WOOJIN TO SIGH INTO THE MIC AS AN EXTRA EFFECT THIS IS SO FUNNY FUCK EVERYONE ARE SIGHING AND BREATHING REALLY LLOUD

91.   Minhyun looks so good he has everyone whipped

92.   Ongs ‘everytime, everywere’ is…….. wow…………. Fuck……………. Why is he in danger of dropping like seriously yall he’s so good

93.   The vid keeps freezing every few seconds I hate this I’m just tryna look at Kim Jaehwan is this too much to ask for

94.   HYUNA LOOKS AT GUANLIN WITH SO MUCH AFFECTION THIS IS SO PURE

95.   Woojin got so much praise by the trainees they personally went down to praise them

96.   The team that got last place is I know you know…….. it only got 83 votes I’m super emo…. They really deserved better this is so sad…. Showtime got fourth with 135, Oh Little Girl got third with 398

97.   The jumps in votes are so fucking massive it feels so humiliating to see them all laid out like this….

98.   Ong repeated his really very totally hella etc etc thing and then Baekho copied it but added Japanese and Chinese as well aaahahah what an intellectual

99.   ANYWAYS Never got second with 443 votes and Open Up first with 552 THE TEAM IS SO FUCKING SHOOK AND CHEERFUL AND BUBBLY I LOVE THIS I AM REALLY HAPPY AND APPARENTLY BAEKHO ADOPTED SEONHO TOO AND FUCK IM SO EMO THIS IS SO GOOD AND PURE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

100.   DANIK IS SO HAPPY AND SMILEY THIS IS SO PURE AND SWEET I LOVE THIS

101.   The overall first place got 205 votes….. the entire I Know You Know team together had 83 votes…….. The entire last row, people like Woodam and Yehyun with two votes, all on the last row have 2-12 votes this makes me so sad poor kids

102.   KENTA GOT RANKED LAST IN OPEN UP IM SAD anyways the others from last to first are Youngmin-Yongguk- Seonho-Haknyeon and they don’t say if the first is Daniel or Baekho it’s the battle of Kang D’s I’m mad lol

103.   ??????? They only revealed where Minhyun ranked what the hell anyways hes 12th L that’s one hell of a fall

#produce 101 season 2 #broduce 101 #p101 #pd101 #pd101 s2 #pd101 season 2 #nuest #baekho #kang dongho #ren #choi minki #choi mingi #jr #nuest jr #kim jonghyun #pledis jonghyun #nuest jonghyun #hwang minhyun #ygk+ #kwon hyunbin #kim jaehwan #mmo #mmo trainees #kang daniel #kangdan #yoon jisung #kim jaehan #kim taewoong #joo jinwoo #park woodam

[haeroniel-doliet]

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully. 

#tf when youre your own therapist #hah yeah thanks tumblr for being my digital diary #cringey enough and private enough it may as well never be read by anyone #but still if some crazy dumbass read it all theyd know me all too god damn well #but its not like...anyone ive mentioned will ever fucking read it. even consider to #aka #if you stumble past this #i guess you can assume its not abt you #ugh #this didnt even help that much #time to try option c #ignore everything and numb it with some rad youtbe videos for another 4 hrs and crash asleep at 5 am and everything continues to be bad #but like bad tomorrow #sorry this was a vent post #a very long one over 6000 words #i am SO sorry if youre on mobile and the readmore didnt work