#i already broke a tooth too from clattering out of anxiety so like i can quite literally not afford anything else

[bittwitchy]

ive been five seconds away from a breakdown every second since the 26th and honestly im gonna keep being five seconds from another breakdown until at least saturday

#at this point im just fuckin confused like #the contradictions the weirdness the feeling like im being set up for failure #the fact that if it does happen thats a p massive betrayal all things xonsidered bc other ppl aint gonna want me now that #i literally got broken from doing this #the other form of betrayal from things i was doing being claimed as promo reasons for others #ive been practicing this thing for the entire time and im 50/50 on if ill fuck it up again on nervousness bc i get so badly nervous #and dont want to disappont which leads to disappointing #also going crom being praised to being insulted to being bashed to learningthe same person was praising u behind ur baxk is like??? #such a weird feeling like idk maybe its my tism but i dont understand #and thats making me freak out more #i already broke a tooth too from clattering out of anxiety so like i can quite literally not afford anything else #ive put off my genetic gum disease treatment too long bc of my last beoken tooth and only bejbg able to afford one #if i lose this i wont ve able to afford anything #and thinking about it makes me break down and cry #but also how am i supposed to do xyz when other lpl will yell at me if i do it #anytime untkl a week after monday nights event #but my deadline is friday #which is why its like im being set up to fail #tbd #im panicking and have been panicking and dont know whag to do and just want to die tvh #ikik how ppl feel abt that sentiment but like im sorry its true thags how i fookin feel idk jow else to put it #other than everything would be easier for me if i stopped existing #and maybe id stop disappointing people #depression cw