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#the fact that if it does happen thats a p massive betrayal all things xonsidered bc other ppl aint gonna want me now that
bittwitchy
·
4 months
Text
ive been five seconds away from a breakdown every second since the 26th and honestly im gonna keep being five seconds from another breakdown until at least saturday
#at this point im just fuckin confused like
#the contradictions the weirdness the feeling like im being set up for failure
#the fact that if it does happen thats a p massive betrayal all things xonsidered bc other ppl aint gonna want me now that
#i literally got broken from doing this
#the other form of betrayal from things i was doing being claimed as promo reasons for others
#ive been practicing this thing for the entire time and im 50/50 on if ill fuck it up again on nervousness bc i get so badly nervous
#and dont want to disappont which leads to disappointing
#also going crom being praised to being insulted to being bashed to learningthe same person was praising u behind ur baxk is like???
#such a weird feeling like idk maybe its my tism but i dont understand
#and thats making me freak out more
#i already broke a tooth too from clattering out of anxiety so like i can quite literally not afford anything else
#ive put off my genetic gum disease treatment too long bc of my last beoken tooth and only bejbg able to afford one
#if i lose this i wont ve able to afford anything
#and thinking about it makes me break down and cry
#but also how am i supposed to do xyz when other lpl will yell at me if i do it
#anytime untkl a week after monday nights event
#but my deadline is friday
#which is why its like im being set up to fail
#tbd
#im panicking and have been panicking and dont know whag to do and just want to die tvh
#ikik how ppl feel abt that sentiment but like im sorry its true thags how i fookin feel idk jow else to put it
#other than everything would be easier for me if i stopped existing
#and maybe id stop disappointing people
#depression cw
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