#i am exhausted but cant sleep

[silenthillbunni]

🪦🩹

#it's so mentally draining nd taxing for me to live w my family... #they are never considerate towards me and always treat me like a bother #even after my surgery my sisters kept making sure i knew i was a burden and took up too much space #i could tell how sick my mom is of me too #it's just so exhausting #bc like now when i only slept 3hrs bc of tooth pain nd then couldnt sleep more #nd now still have tooth pain nd im rlly tired nd need to wake up early tmrw to call the dentist #my mom nd sister r in the living room watching tv #so i asked if they could plz be mindful of the volume #nd they sighed nd rolled their eyes nd said yeah yeah whatever #like im an awful demanding person for even daring to ask them this #it's just not fun to have to deal w constantly #sorry im in pain nd i wanna try to sleep as much as i can but i cant even try when i can hear u laugh nd talk etc etc #just rathet be alone :(( #but yeah idek if i'll be able to sleep bc the pain isnt fun #im trying to just breathe nd accept that it is there nd that hopefully the dentist can help T-T #am i bad for wishing to be shown consideration nd sympathy? sometimes i even wanf them to feel sorry for me

[crimeronan]

i used to not relate at all to the existential dread that's sorta ubiquitous for a lot people my age, which is mostly bc i've been dying for three-ish years, so i had fully made my peace with my life being over soon. like i was in a mindset a lot of people enter in hospice care where my body was winding down and i was just getting as comfortable as possible and being content with the life i'd already lived.

however.

now. that it looks like i could not only have, but also Enjoy... another 50 or 60 years on this earth.....

......HOOOOOOOOOOO BOY.

#GOOD GOD A LOT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITHIN THE NEXT 60 YEARS. #I KNOW NOT TO BORROW GRIEF FROM THE FUTURE BUT LIKE #I DIDNT EXPECT TO DEAL WITH ANY OF IT AT ALL. I WAS NOT GONNA *BE HERE* #literally every night for the past week i've lain awake with my heartbeat in my throat just thinking #I Am Going To Be Here . For So Much Shit #Oh God. Oh God . So Much #and i CAN'T SLEEP #this post brought to you by an hour and a half of me trying to sleep and now being exhausted and still So Anxious #like. CHILL. GIRL. IT'S FINE #YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!! PROBLEM FOR FUTURE YOU!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!! OH ! MY ! GOD !!!! #autoimmune tag

[soldier-poet-king]

SAD!

#the duality of fran #ignore me theres just so much its midnight i am perpetually exhausted snd yet cant sleep #melatonin. melatonin save me. save me melatonin #just hugely sad suddenly #desperately terribly sad and idk why #annoyed af bc politics at family dinner my shitty uncles alabaman wife was like IM VOTING FOR TRUMP #MAAM???? MAAM?????????? #it turned into a Whole thing #and ive stopped drinking most weekends. im trying to be good I know how easy it is to just have a glass or two or three of wine #so i only drink when i want to and am in a good mood #so not. just bc shitty family #BUT YKWIM #and then idk. im just. really sad and despairingly lonely and idk whY #OBJECTIVELY LIFE IS GOOD AND EVERYTHING IS FINE #and YET #idk man. im going to curl up into the tiniest ball possible under all my blankets #and pretend that weight is comforting human contact #my joints will complain but i gotta squish myself #touch starved touch averse meltdown yknow. yknow. one of those #disgusting and pathetic and selfish!!!! to delete later #tmrw i have to be responsible and good again #and i will stop moping stop thinking abt it go back to pretending that there isnt a void in my chest!!! #fine!!! this is fine!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#remember when i could draw? when i had time to draw and color? #bleh. im just sorta exhausted and dont feel good and starting to get overwhelmed by all that i need to get done #weirdest version of being sick ive had. i dont have a fever but i feel hot and my throat hurts and i have to take deep breaths but not #really coughing so im like??? am i sick??? #ugh. i dunno ive been going to sleep at like 9pm and its only 7 and im so tired but i have a paper to read #maybe ill read it in the morning and not do pigment analysis tomorrow... but i wanna see those god damn pigment >:-( #i dunno. im also just kinda frustrated bc im running into things that my mum was in control of the info on #so its like: well i cant access my fasfa account. i dont kno where my vaccine info is. i dont kno if my mum had uterine fibroids before it #all turned to cancer. i dunno. im just tired #also i bitched out on a pap smear bc it hurt too bad. so ive had a day. #but ive got a birth control perception again. i dont wanna take it but like i cant really aford to go out of focus and go out of commission #via pain. so like i guess i gotta. ugh. it better not fuck with my medication #hopefully ill wake up tomorrow and all will be well in the world #unrelated

[mchiti]

guys I'm very sorry if I'm so slow at answering asks, replying to messages, notifications etc

to be honest I'm overworked but more than anything my mental health is bottom low for real. I'm writing this so I can pin it. I come on here when I have 5 minutes but my social energy is generally very low. idk i forgot how to study and these last exams ever are being unbearable and my anxiety has become chronic since last year I guess. I'm very sorry if u see me on here and maybe I don't reply, I just suck at everything lately kfjhds I'll be back full force sorry again 💗✨

#it's 1 am I have to work tomorrow I CANT SLEEP look im genuinely miserable I think I should go back to some therapy after I finish this #if I ever idk #so sorry we can't enjoy afcon as I wished. also #sorry I haven't replied to asks about this or hakim etc it's just. its easier to watch some league games but to follow the whole of afcon #I guess I'm not able to at this time like sorry. If I spent less time crying over studying and actually getting work done I guess. #just exhausted I literally work full time

[kummatty]

ive had a few professors now tell me that I should rly consider getting a phd bc im "at that level" already - it's so strange to stratify 'intelligence' in that way and at the same time I feel deflated in my classes a lot bc I wish discussions would go deeper . the idea sounds nice but then again it sounds like hell on earth. I don't know how I can justify making so little for 7 years and trying to support myself and i rly don't care to work that hard and push myself, nor do I think I have anything particularly special to research or add to, I'm curious im a scholar I like reading and learning and thinking but I'm not sure a phd will be worth it, im not sure i can find an intellectual home in academia.....im getting a headache

#and i dont need to be thinking abt this now #but ofc i am instead of doing my work #or sleeping #something abt being in school makes u ripe for existential crises #also the ableism...... im reminded of it all the time and im almost certain my body and brain cant handle it #it takes me a long time to get to articulation and that in and of itself can be so exhausting #but it would carve out time for some of things i value including language learning

[baeshijima]

i lied im coming out of my day-ia to say that this is now officially a wip

actor!blade u will go far 🙏 in my mind at least 🙏

#sophie talks : one in a million #sobs wails cries barks every sound there is #and yes there will be like. every genre. #fluff angst hurt/comfort probably the on bed trope bc why tf not #locked in a room together slow burn 10k+ fic bc i cant be normal and write less than 7k when it comes to these types of fics #and yeah. actor!blade once again spins in my brain like a microwave #anywho i will now be sleeping even tho its 9pm bc i am. exhausted. from todays exams. weeps. #GN EVERYONE AND I HOPE UR ALL WELL AND LOOKING AFTER URSELVES 🥹🫶

[starofhisheart]

If butcher/homelander is my dick, hughie/butcher is my heart, ya know?

#it is nearly 2am and I am past exhausted but I cannot get them out of my brain #i am a gramma basically who usually sleeps around 8:30pm #so u can imagine the devastation a night like this will bring #anyway unrelated but I cant stop staring at karl urban's butcher beard #I was never a beard-liker but butcher got some kind of toxin help #(this is a lie I love beards. at least not adult me. teen me hadnt wisened up quite yet) #argh i havent even tagged this bitch yet what am I talking abt #butchlander #uhhh what was hughie/butcher's ship name again??? #fuck my 2 braincells have left the building

[piosplayhouse]

I will never understand why people come on my page and hate on scum villain like tf is wrong with you guys lmfao I don't go to random mdzs or tgcf fans and talk in their tags or askbox about how I hate the characters they like even jokingly? It just doesn't seem appropriate at all? Am I the only one who thinks this

#3 am sleep deprived posting sorry im probly gonna regret this in rhe morning #im just sleepy and hormonal #i feel like a bear that cant hibernate ahh #restless and exhausted... thats right its finals season

[arowrath]

im so fucking tired it's unreal i dont want to Do anything i just want to lie in bed for the rest of my life.

#text #trying not to think about how fucked i am if i fail this semester. w hich is looking likelier and likelier with every missed assignmetn #also apparentlyu my gov professor sent ellen a rly nice email sayinfg that she could tell im trying and that she appreciates that #and she emaield me saying smiliar and. :(((<3 god. #guy who cries really hard when authority figures are kind towards him #i need to just. get stuff done i need to just keep trying #but im so so exhausted #i want to go to sleep but its room check week and idk if my RA is doing room checks Tonight or later this week #i dont want to be in here when they do them bc im anxious #but i dont want to be in public either #and i cant be outaide bc its very cold. #well ig i could but i wouldnt be able to be on my puter bc my fingers would get so cold you understand #i need to find a dark quiet private room to hang out in that isny my room and theres nobody else in there

[ilonacho]

it hit me what makes me the most miserable abt my work week is how it’s just school all over again. just hanging in there until the weekend. repeat. repeat. repeat

#5 outta 7 days im at work. 2 days of freedom #2 days to do chores n run errands n relax n sleep n draw n catch up w/ friends n go places #and if u gotta reschedule itll be weeks before ur available again #like for months now ive tried to get together w/ friends but our days off dont match n shit keeps coming up #not to mention im fucking tired! im exhausted! i want to sleep in and then draw the rest of the day! #i think the worst part is that back in school.. at least it didnt matter as much? because it all led to an end aka graduation? #like i didnt mind the wait for next weekend as much cuz it was temporary #like eventually ill graduate and then ill have freedom! (i thought? for some reason??) #but now its like.. the weeks are going by so fast this year is already almost over i turn 26 in 2 weeks #and this is.. the rest of my life? like youre kidding right? this cant be it? #i get off work n then i have to take care of the cats n chores n then eat dinner n then shower n then its late and i gotta sleep #before work the next day. i dont have time nor energy to rly do anything #and ill get that feeling of like. oh well at least it brings me closer to the next ‘weekend’ #but i dont wanna live weekend to weekend #i mean im thankful to have a job n coworkers i love like i truly hate it there sometimes but i also am happy and thankful for it #but yknow.. it shouldnt have to be like this #i worded this so much better in the shower but im tired of feeling like school part 2 like what the fuck man #ive had work every single day since we came back from our trip n i just dont have time/energy for anything #i need to open commissions back up but i havent even gotten around to starting one a friend asked for #not to mention this years christmas card ive barely got the sketch done for #and again. my favourite holiday. halloween is on tuesday and while we did plan halloweeny stuff it just has not felt like halloween #i havent had any ideas/energy/time for any halloweeny art #+chores n errands etc lmao we havent even been to the grocery store yet (calling us out here) #it just. suuuuucks aaaaaass man the world is so beautiful life is a gift i dont wanna spend it like this

[sexygaywizard]

How he still look so cute after a 10 hr flight... Must be that sexy gay wizard magic

#tho admittedly I look tired af #i cant sleep on planes so i am fucking exhausted #i talk #sexygaywizard.jpg

[soldier-poet-king]

Redacted health problem that is ongoing and kinda just...should I be worried or do I just keep waiting + Redacted thing that's been everywhere the past few days but I find horrifically triggering in a way little else is but I can't seem to avoid it no matter how hard I try + it's fuckin February + all my usual brain shit

I have not had a single consistent emotion in???? and I feel like I'm in an endless period of limbo

#everyday is 700 different feelings all of them extreme and most of them. bad. #i am. going to sleep #or at least. try #for once i am not on the brink of exhaustion #but instead everything else is! bas! #and idk why i was fine literally AN HOUR ago #the duality of fran #i just. idk. i really dk #debating investing in sleep headphones #bc i find it hard to sleep with just earbuds it hurts my ears #but i need noise #and dont live alone so i cant just. play shit out loud #i am going to curl up in the smallest ball imaginable until my joints hurt extra bad #and put all my heavy blankets and pillows on top #and pretend that that is successful at soothing the ache. i rlly need like. a hydraulic press. or human contact

[everlastiingiimmortals]

on the topic of ships and slowburns, I also want to note some things for my canon muses that I've found out through writing them, especially Jing Yuan:

Jing Yuan in the present tends to be notably disinterested in being romantically or s.exually involved with most people, bar a few exceptions: he has residual feelings for Yingxing and Dan Feng (which will likely apply to Blade and (at least in the time period of the 1.2 update) Dan Heng respectively if the mun is okay with that — otherwise they are just friends) and has a weird arrangement with @/celestial-narwhal's Luocha.

This is not me saying it is impossible to ship with him. I'm also not saying I won't be the first to approach you about a ship for him! I am saying it is a process that requires in character progression and out of character communication. As much as he has a tendency to act playful and tease other muses, he will likely not harbor any strong, genuine interest in them without sufficient work. If I approach you about a ship it is me setting up the basis for the conversation to lead to that slowburn: again, I don't like shipping right off the bat.

With Stelle it's even harder to establish a ship, because as is stated in her bio she is demisexual and solidly on the ace spectrum. Again, this is not saying there's an impossibility, but your muse will need to be friends with her first. She's made uncomfortable even by her own silly puppy crushes, so flirting directed at her will not be well received without a strong enough friendship.

Gepard is, despite being my least active muse ( i want to write him more :( ), funnily enough my easiest muse to ship with. He crushes easily and is a disaster bisexual but it'll still take a little time because he's very stubborn about his duty and also being proper. Puts himself into the denial pit a lot HAJDAKFNAKFN but!! it's not as much of a challenge to pull him out of it unless you're Sampo Koski or some other criminal LMAO

anyway this is a followup to the previous post to just clarify on some things and my muses' stances! I am multiship and willing to ship so long as there is chemistry and the dynamic is appropriate, but I like my buildups more than anything else.

#//immortal; (OOC) #psa #pls pls pls also like. dont push ships at me w/o giving me at least a little heads up abt ur muses' stances on mine #even if its just a 'xyz thinks abc is pretty' #i am absolutely not going to say that will make me interested in a ship either #esp if we havent interacted much #briefly mentioning ships =/= establishing them #and even if we do agree to ship i will likely not appreciate sappy or s.uggestive content right away #it is 1:30 am and im exhausted but cant sleep so idk if this makes sense

[volatilemask]

im fucking sick

#id in alt #ultrakill #vm.txt #i had to take a break 4 hours in because it was 3 am and i needed to sleep #so i kept my computer on #and i couldnt sleep because i couldnt stop seeing him in my head #as soon as i closed my eyes. he was there. he was there i couldnt get rid of him #it was like someone strapped me to a chair and was holding my eyes open and forcing me to watch the minos fight over and over #it never stopped. i was so exhausted i wanted to sleep but it didnt stop. my brain was forcing me to watch this fight it never ended #the music wouldnt stop playing #his voice wouldnt stop playing #i cant explain this to you. i dont have the words. it was making me physically exhausted. like this wasnt just thoughts. #the fight was in my head. i couldnt escape i had to fight him in my head #are you listening to me. i had to fight him in my HEAD. I COULDNT ESCAPE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND.

[piplupod]

praying and hoping and begging for things to get better or at least more tolerable soon because i dont know how many more physical symptoms of stress my body can take

#me when i get eczema when the only time i had eczema in the past was when i was about to kill myself lmao #things are Preddy Bad actually fjfkfkfl #theres so many things i have happening and i look them up and its like ''reduce stress :)'' THANKS I WISH I COULD #UNFORTUNATELY. I LIVE IN THIS WORLD. AND THINGS AREN'T GOING WELL. #i actually cant think abt this all anymore tonight or I'll end up crying and i rly dont want to deal w crying rn fhfkdl #but man. things were supposed to go in such a better way. im literally a failure rn #all my siblings are doing way better in life and have a shot at things #and im stuck in my parents basement alone and a loser burn-out #this is so fucked #i realized the reality of my situation at 3am lying awake unable to sleep last night #like. i am.... alone and stuck living in my parents basement. no career prospects because im useless and too exhausted all the time #thats so fucking lame and awful and Peak Failure in society's eyes #man!!! #so unbelievably bleak!!! #anyways i hope this eczema goes away bc wow i rly have not had this except once or twice when i was engaging in suicidal behaviour #i dont want to be doing that again 😭😭 #WHATEVER. it is what it is. live fast die young or whatever #maybe tomorrow something good will happen #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide tw