#i am uh worried

[labaguetteisdabest]

– bruno mars, count on me

irl friends: ⭐️

sophie foster εїз – @therealsophieelizabethfoster

bee ☀ – @swans-chirping-in-the-distance

kae ❁ – @queenpiranhadon ⭐️

lula (kate) (⁎˃ᆺ˂) – @iam1withthepeggy ⭐️

css11 ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ – @calla-starkflowerstew11

kale \ (•◡•) / – @kale-of-the-forbidden-cities

eliza ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ – @lizahamilton

everett ◉_◉ – @awful-amateur

nova ౨ৎ – @that-multi-fandom-hijabi

val ⋆ – @yourtwistedlies

sk4el ♥‿♥ – @sokeefe4evalove

oreo ⚆ _ ⚆ – @lillibethnougatesquirethe3rd

loife ☼.☼ – @loife1m

fuzzy ~(˘▾˘~) – @fuzzysoulyt

figf ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ ) – @fuckimgenderfluid

forkman (◕‿◕✿) – @norwegian-trickster-god

aeylis ˏ₍๏ɞ๏₎ˎ – @tastetherainbow290

froggy 𓆏 – @frog-with-a-top-hat

tina ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ – @tinadablackthorn

rithi ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ – @mxnkeydo

nytbs ↜ʚɞ↝ – @newyorktimesbestsellerr

oseg ☞ – @onlyslightlyevilgremlin

leta ☻ – @/itadori-yujiii

fishy ʚʘ͜͡﴿﴿﴿﴿﴿﴿⫷ – @fish-ofishial123

aylin ✦ – @moondust-on-the-hijabi

aether ☁︎ – @riordanverseaddict

queenie ♕ – @queenie-blackthorn

jörm (ง'̀-'́)ง – @your-local-multi-geek ⭐️

kitcat (¬‿¬) – @someonewhogotanaccount

mini ◈ – @reyna-obsessed

lola (^-.-^)⤳ – @nerdy-girlramblings

zeta ʘ‿ʘ – @cinematics06 ⭐️

yuna (ㅇㅅㅇ❀) – @4114yunique

lizard ๑ï – @lizardtheacorn

esme ꧂ – @hijabi-desi-bookworm

seph ☆ – @heartstars

arya 𓍊 – @mushroomcarrotstick

sophie ⁠꒰⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠⑅⁠꒱ – @pyromaniac-on-caffeine

hera ੈ – @aston-martin-in-the-ditch

grace ✎ – @writergracethepanda

ella 𓃰 – @elephantinahawaiianshirt

max ಠ‿↼ – @sabrine-bree-the-bravery

hdm ┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬ – @hijabi-desi-musicals

zoe ٩(`･ω･´)و – @zoesim5

mfr ଘ – @multifandom-romantic

leo valdez ☄ – @team-leoo

#moots #mutuals #my mutuals #rising star speaks #also does anyone know what happened to lana's blog? #notyourlegacygirl #she's just. gone #i am uh worried #i would like my friend back tumblr #intro post #intro post navigation

[sketchy-tour]

A wilting flower is not always beyond healing. It'll just take time.

#a small doodle! Just a little one! Wanted to draw but also didnt want to draw but also needed to draw #you know? idk if that makes any sense #dont mind me- #if anyone is worried I am okay please dont take this as some big vent or anything! #just art I needed to get out of my head. Ya kno??? nothin crazy!!! #anyway anyway im gonna go play a game or something!!! Drink water. Eat a snack! Sit down in some quiet for a moment #Yall should do that too! You! Drink water! Eat something! Sit and be calm for a moment. #welcome home oc #dandy leon #I always feel bad tagging my art of dandy alone with the welcome home tags??? uh- #my art #sketches

[skizwillsuffice]

His smile is all knowing

#submas #submas emmet #submas kidmas #submas ingo #uh #I think he wants you to put him back #free him from this flesh prison #don’t worry he’ll be ok once he meets his brother #I have many headcannons for baby submas that I am so excited to draw #baby submas #pokemon

[aimasup]

throws up my hands in mock resignation but also a hint of frustration Okay Valentino is a cool villain I guess

He's like. Genuinely unsettling. Wish the show struck a better balance with his character sometimes (like sometimes when he's onscreen I have to skip over because I feel queasy and sometimes he's so unsubtle he feels more like a prop than a guy who's going to be a Huge Deal in s2)

#why yes I have been reading some phenomenal fanfiction lately #a lesser me would be agonising over my inability to ever come close to matching the #masterfully characterised works of these talented WORD WEAVERS #but envy is a spoilt housepest and we must spend less time unleashing it upon new targets #instead let's talk about how these fics discovered its possible?? #to write Val as not only a 3dimensional character but a deeply horrifying person to WITNESS #to depict how he thinks and what he wants and what he contributes to the people around him #while acknowledging that his actions are supremely messed up #also without dumbing whatever the fuck is wrong with him down to just 'can't do math and needs a sippycup' #those jokes are funny but he's also a dealmaker #he doesn't need to be studied under a microscope! he needs to be gawked at in abject horror! Oh the Potential! #he needs to tell us more about how depraved hell can be by linking us to a portion of the culture full of the dead who cannot die! #anyways. rant over. uh I think I like valentino now? in the same way I like the old man villain from hunchback of notre dame. #just. (gestures) what is this dude. ew. oh my god #my post #personal stuff #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel valentino #is this anything #again I am entrenching on dangerous territory of 'expectations for this media I consume' #he really doesn't need to be written all shakespearean-like #too attached mayhaps #delete later #honestly worried that if the show does reveal his backstory or whatever it'll try to paint him in a sympathetic light #and then the online arguments will be a headache for a month #villain with tragic backstory ≠ sympathetic villain

[lloydfrontera]

In my opinion, the reason the reunion scene was skipped was because the author couldn’t figure out a way to write it non-romantically and gave up after a while

honestly. i kinda agree with you nonnie.

it just. the set up to the scene is sooooo romantic. you have lloyd being absolutely devastated at the thought he's not going to see any of his loved ones ever again and that he's been dropped back into his terrible life, to the place he admitted he'd rather die than go back to,,, and then someone knocks at the door and when he opens it this is the sight that greets him:

his best friend, the person he's closest to, the one he's spent years with, the one he promised a peaceful life at his side, the one he wanted to grow old with, the one he sacrificed everything for, the one he effectively gave his life to save, the one he thought he'd never see again, standing at his door, having crossed literal dimensional barriers to get to him, a soft and teary smile on his face as he tells him "i missed you"

like. c'mon.

i'm all for platonic interpretations, i'm aroace, i love me a good best friendship as much as the next guy, but,,,, isn't this,,, like,,, really fucking romantic??? extremely so??? am i??? reading too much into it?? because it feels really, really romantic to me.

and like you say. where do you go from there. what response could lloyd give that doesn't involve throwing himself at javier and clinging to him with all of his strength. what conversation could these two have that doesn't involve them seeing how truly devoted they are to each other. what resolution does their arc together have that isn't them spending the rest of their lives together, at each other's side, like they so dearly wanted to.

but. alas. that wasn't the story bk moon wanted to tell. and that's very much his right. i just think that if he didn't want me to assume there's no in-character and narratively satisfying version of that conversation that doesn't end with them kissing he should've at least tried to give us something. and not completely skipped it lol

but that's just my opinion too :]

#hey i got an ask #Anonymous #tged #the greatest estate developer #tged spoilers #lloyd frontera #javier asrahan #llojavi #ch 401 #and like. god. this really was his favorite scene to write uh. #i just. i don't get it. what was going through his head. what was he thinking. what was the point of all of This. #i just need ten minutes locked in a room with him. preferably with a translator but i am willing to compromise. just gimme ten minutes. #i can make him spill the soup i know this #fuck if i think too long about how this is the. second last chapter we get. before we officially end the novel with the two of them sharing #a relieved smile at the fact they can finally live their lives together without worries. i do go a little crazy. #this would probably be a hot take if there were enough opinions about tged for it to be considered spicy in the first place. but. i don't #love the extra chapters. the one with javier making a wish to a shooting star is acceptable tho it does create more questions than answers. #but the others are. meh. i would've much preferred if tged had ended in ch 401 with an open ending. maybe ch 402 if only because i did want #to see lloyd interact with arcos and marbella as suho. but there would be no last minute shoehorned wedding in my ideal ending. #i just!! i don't like forced romance!!!! i don't like compulsory amato/heteronormativity!!!!!! #i want my fictional relationships to have proper build up and chemistry and to be narratively satisfying!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!! #i'm good. i'm okay. this is fine. we're all fine. #anyway. yeah

[quirkle2]

suncaster warriors :)

[please don't tag as LU] ; character info under the cut

goes by wars and captain

24, 5'7"

he/him

demifluix and ace

kind and caring and silly (so silly)

heart of gold

a bit of a workaholic

has to have 1 hug every day or he will Die

in a qpr with legend <3

fights with a sword and shield

excellent leader, excels in fighting against crowds

FAST

banned from his era

dark world form is a silver ferret

#qkdraws #suncaster au #suncaster warriors #the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #tloz #loz #loz au #zelda au #here's the !!!! uh . character sheet!!! ref sheet!!! thing!!! for wars! #idk what to call it <3 but who cares He is here #i know this won't be like . super exciting cuz y'all been fuckin knew who wars is and what he looks like #but i'll post the others' ref sheets soon don't u worry #he is so special to me #he is so good and wholesome and perfect #idk how to say this without sounding stupid and dumb but #if u guys have questions abt him please send em my way i'll literally talk abt him for years #same goes w All of the other sc links #im so ill about them #also just a heads up i am not posting on instagram anymore </3 #just not worth the effort tbh #goodbye instagram u sucked ass <3

[spaceshipkat]

sometimes it takes me ages to reply to ao3 comments because i'll read them when i first notice them and then just kinda dissolve into a pile of goo, then wait a couple days and go reread them with the aim to reply only to promptly dissolve into another pile of goo, and the process repeats until the goo is at least solid enough that i have hands and the ability to string words into a sentence

#aka i have so many comments and i uh #am now goo #again #hence why i haven't even replied to any on peacetime yet #hhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'll get there don't worry #i mean i still have comments to reply to on the other three fics for mota #I PROMISE. I'LL GET THERE. I AM JUST CURRENTLY GOO-SHAPED

[ineed-to-sleep]

I'm watching Berserk and I may or may not have hyped myself up to turn my vampire ocs into dark fantasy characters. mmaybe

#sketch tag #so uh. pepper is kind of a guts basically jdjgkckkc #they're both in an army and they butt heads a lot bc pepper is big and stronk but very impulsive and reckless #but there's no griffith situation or anything like that it's just that vince worries abt her #and he's way more restrained as a fighter and a strategist. maybe a commander or second in command #and just like in vtm he's very paranoid and afraid of change. so he worries abt her and is also unhappy in the army but too scared to leave #so he broods a lot and mopes around and gets on her ass abt her recklessness #and just like in vtm pepper is impulsive and has a lot of pent up frustration and she uses the battlefield to release all of it #sometimes overexerting herself and nearly getting herself killed #she also wants to leave bc she's not sure she believes in what they're fighting for anymore. but then she loses her coping mechanism #things change when they have an argument where he reveals he cares abt her sjfjjfkf YES very cliche I am thriving #and she's dismissive at first but after being alone for a bit his words start sinking in #and when they're on a battlefield again there's a moment where they have to retreat and she's about to absolutely not listen to that #but then she has a change of heart bc she remembers what he said + she cares abt him too so she doesn't want him to be hurt by her actions #neither by him getting worried nor trying to come to her aid and putting his life at risk #so she retreats #and he's very happy abt that he thanks her later for what she did #and then she's like yeah sure I guess I didn't die but also guess what. I'm bored #everything she wanted to release back there she just didn't. so she's still frustrated and especially bc she had to admit defeat #and she's an extremely proud person. she's irritated #and he's like aight. I'm gonna fight you then #and she's like what. and he's like yeah #so he picks up a sword and throws another one to her and there's a *sexual tension play-fight* hell yeah babey #I'm having sm fun w this au can you tell jejfjckckkc #eventually they do desert the army they're in bc things get worse and pepper decides she no longer wants to be a part of it #and in a fight or flight moment she pushes vincent to make a decision and he leaves with her #and like the story is only getting started there bc then there'll be some big misteries in the story they're gonna uncover #which. I haven't figured out what they are yet #but either way akhhdskfha I'm having a lot of fun w this #sleep.txt

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

Hey Pep, were you... stuck in your pizzeria? Couldn't you leave? How did you get ingredients for your pizzas?

Pep: "Hcum evael ot ekil t'ndid tsuj I, airezzip ym ni kcuts t'nsaw I."

Pep: "Yletelpmoc meht diova ot reisae tsuj saw ti os, thgis no dekcatta senolc rehto eht fo ynam tub, stneidergni teg ot semitemos tuo og ot evah did I."

Pep: "Deirrow tog llits I, enog saw I nehw meht hctaw ot Olleb dna Otrop detsurt I dna, sselpleh ton erew seno elttil eht elihw tub, airezzip ym morf yawa yats ot dednet yeht..."

Pep: "Deneppah ti nehw deticxe os syawla erew seno elttil eht tub, morf saw ti ohw erus ton ma I. Niaga dna won yreve stneidergni fo yreviled a teg osla did ew tub!"

Pep: "Ecalp eht dnuora saw revetahw pu gnikcip naht doof rehserf hcum. Oot saw I dna."

Pep: "Heh. Ydal ynnub ytterp eht, mhu... Ion... Mu... N... Hu ees d'I osla dna..."

Pep: "Emoh kcab ekat ot doof em evag dna ecin os syawla saw ehs dna, tol a reh ees d'I."

Pep: "Oot sgniht rehto emos dna azzip eht a-kooc ot elba saw I emit eht fo tsom os."

#pizza tower #fake peppino #noisette #peppino clone #pizza tower oc #Parmesan the Peppiclone #Prosciutto the Peppiclone #Cremepuff the Peppiclone #Maraschino the Peppiclone #the two clones fighting are just npcs #story post #translation: “I wasn't stuck in my pizzeria I just didn't like to leave much.” #“I did have to go out sometimes to get ingredients but many of the other clones attacked on sight” #“so it was just easier to avoid them completely.” #“They tended to stay away from my pizzeria but while the little ones were not helpless” #“and I trusted Porto and Bello to watch them when I was gone I still got worried...” #“But we did also get a delivery of ingredients every now and again!” #“I am not sure who it was from but the little ones were always so excited when it happened.” #“And I was too. Much fresher food than picking up whatever was around the place.” #“And also I'd see uh... N... Um... Noi... Uhm the pretty bunny lady... Heh.” #“I'd see her a lot and she was always so nice and gave me food to take back home.” #“So most of the time I was able to cook-a the pizza and some other things too.” #Noisette reveal hehe #and more clones being cute bc I love them and I wouldn't let anything happen to them #also some fightin bc it was kind of a warzone in there #wordplay intended even if WAR is the floor above #many of the WAR clones did end up on Pep's floor thooo

[n0bluev]

+

(eyes only 4 u)

EDIT: HI IM IRRATIONALLY ANGRY AT THIS DRAWING HAVE SOME COLOUR BLORBSIFICATIONS

#crunchy ah (slightly edited for my sanity) screenshot i took from the procreate timelapse #its so different to the 'final product [linked in “+”]' cuz i kinda ended up scratching the whole thing and sketching on top at the end lol #the process of drawing this was PAINFUL (was fighting for dear life against art block at the time) #but while checking the (painful. awful.) timelapse i kinda went 'hm. the eye kinda popped right tho...' #so i took that and went beep boop to fix it just a bit and im posting this too enjoy #呪術廻戦 #五条悟 #gojo satoru #jjk #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanart #satosugu #gojo fanart #gojo satoru fanart #gojo #stsg #and yeah. i was messing with artstyles (and failing and crying-) and still am so... uh hope u like the art and that you can see details tha #make my art mine even when i cant rly see or appreciate it myself lol #that being said art is bound to improve and evolve with time and life so im not too worried ^^ (artblock still sucks tho hah) #+ the glasses are crooked / in a wrong angle and I KNEW THIS WHILE DRAWING BUT WAS TOO DARN LAZY + ratio (YEAH! RATIO!!)

[invinciblerodent]

I have been thinking fucking incessantly about this one Todd May quote ever since that scene meeting Mystra:

"Why, for the Immortals, are all undertakings in vain? Given an infinite amount of time for existence, everything will happen of its own accord. There is nothing an immortal being cannot eventually do; and, in fact, nothing he or she will not eventually do."

This is from his book "Death", from the chapter "Death and immortality", about... well, immortality, and the morals of it, as contrasted with its mortal conceptions.

Essentially, in the most straightforward way I can phrase it, May describes how for mortals, life is fraught with urgency. We are always at least tangentially aware of our existence being temporary: which is in part what makes our actions meaningful. We are aware that there is a finite amount of things that we are able to accomplish in our lifetimes, and we are at least kind of aware of our existence being singular in time (even considering religious beliefs of things like reincarnation or an eternal afterlife, the here and now when I am both this and present is still unique), so the end, or the idea of it, in its way, generates the meaning of the limited number of events within this particular chunk of time.

An immortal, like a goddess, would likely be more of a disinterested spectator of life than an active participant in it. Without the urgency of a time limit to drive them forward, and the precariousness of living to make the future uncertain, a goddess has no real interest in things that happen in the world of mortals. With good turning to bad, and bad turning to good over the centuries, it's easy enough to kind of stop caring about what is currently going on, because, well, it'll eventually be different, and then the same again.

Of fucking course she doesn't care for Gale the way he cares for her: it's impossible for her, which is what he, with his limited, human perspective, is (imo) initially incapable of understanding. In his very short, limited life, there is room for one, maybe two such great loves, but in hers? There is an endless, constant stream of near-faceless people, flowing through and not making a permanent mark, because permanence for an immortal is a word largely devoid of meaning. Bad or good, the guilt/pleasure will always fade, the people will all die and get replaced by a brand new crop of similarly expendable people, and the goddess will still have an infinity of time to go.

Even considering that she was once Mystryl, and that technically this incarnation of her was once mortal, and keeping her brush with a kind of death in mind, the future for Mystra, as she can conceive of it, is an empty, vast expanse of nothing but the certainty that she will live, and she will be present in some way. Even if slain (if I recall correctly how this works in DnD), her essence just kinda returns to the cosmic soup, and eventually, she'll... reform, or be resurrected, or changed as she has been already, or she'll remain as an immaterial fragment, or something. Point is, she is unending, and he is no more than a blip on her radar.

That's why she's so callous about asking him to die, and in turn essentially dooming Faerun: she doesn't care. She can't care. He was going to die anyway in what feels to her like the blink of an eye (whether it's 5 days, 50 years, or 500, it's not important), and what does she care if the Grand Design comes to fruition? Whether there are people or mind flayers inhabiting the world, it's of no real concern to her. Eventually, either people will strike back, or go extinct, or the mind flayers will cease to exist and something different will come from it, all without truly affecting her. In a year, a hundred years, or a million years, she will be here, and there will be another bright mageling to amuse her.

Fun as it is to joke about it, I don't think that the toxicity of their relationship is her fault, strictly speaking. It's not the ocean's fault when a tsunami destroys a village and kills hundreds. It's not the storm's fault when lightning strikes and kills a tree. Her very nature is this nebulous, capricious existence, only truly occupied with having the power to indulge her whimsies, and filling an infinite amount of time with things to do- unconcerned about how that affects others, because their whole lives barely affect her for a short segment of her eternal soup of undefined presence.

It can be argued that any relationship that may exist between mortal and immortal is necessarily tragic, toxic, desperately unequal, and grossly unhealthy for the mortal. By its very nature, such a relationship pushes the needs and feelings of the mortal party into essential inconsequence to their partner. There can be no regret to feel when the mortal is hurt or gone, because there have been others like them, and there will be others to come still, and everything will happen, or has happened, and will happen again.

Gale was always doomed to be her devoted plaything, only to be discarded once he stops being fun. That could have been once his appearance stopped pleasing her, or once his wit stopped entertaining her, or for any reason whatsoever, and him recognizing that this relationship was never anything more than entertainment to her, while it was devastating and singularly defining to him, is such an important thing for his future happiness.

(This is mainly why his throwaway "Let me make myself indispensable" line is so important to me, tbh. He yearns to matter, and that is only possible if he either finds contentment entirely within the mortal realm, or becomes a god himself, which in turn just dooms him to essentially become Mystra and continue this vicious cycle.)

(Fucking tragic-ass low-wis wizard man, making me fkin... re-read my philosophy books. Honestly the gall, Larian.)

#mystra #bg3 mystra #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 gale #baldur's gate 3 #what else uh #i'm not tagging philosophy because that's fucking pretentious as hell #and that's coming from someone who just unironically used the phrases “capricious existence” #and “the precariousness of living” #AFTER quoting Todd May #don't worry I hate that I am like this too #squirrel plays bg3

[grirnoires]

#nadia: the secret of blue water #phone art #i am . uh having a moment. dint worry about it

[madphantom]

On Tuesday evening I ranted to a friend about my neighbour loudly talking on the phone all night and as a goodbye he said "I hope he's more quiet tomorrow" and on Tuesday night I heard my neighbour talking on the phone again and then the man suddenly stopped talking and. He fucking died on Tuesday night what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

#personal post #don't worry i don't actually think my friend is responsible for my neighbour's death #but uh #i am currently coming to terms with the fact that i straight up heard a man die this week #fun times

[rainymoodlet]

Kiss Me in Komorebi+ 🌸

[Ep. 16] The Beach Episode Spa Arc

[ Part 7.5 of 15 ] 🌹

@anarchosimdicalist @mattodore @morrigan-sims

#ts4 #ts4 gameplay #ts4 screenshots #ts4 challenge #ts4 bachelor challenge #;kmik #ivor korrapati by anarchosimdicalist #julian vance by mattodore #julien west by morrigan-sims #|| #ohhh.... #... so he was jealous OF daniel... not jealous OVER him... #RIVER MORRI I’M SORRY IT HAPPENED WHILE I WAS TECHNICALLY FILMING AND IT I CAN’T THE RULES— #i am actively losing my mind over this and dont y’all worry if these seems random as all hell there’s summary posts to come bUT UH #YEAH??? #i’m sat…

[b4kuch1n]

more sk8. I think the cindereki stuff is extremely stupid but I am not immune to trying to conceptualize a princess gown in any setting

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #if ur wondering yes the first gown I uh. pulled? from the brothers grimm version's idea #which I do prefer to the perrault/disney version. specifically bc there's no fairy #there are three balls happening on three consecutive nights and each night cinderella gets a gown and accessories from a tree #growing on her mom's grave #(the version I grew up with (translated to vietnamese) actually wrote it to be her dad's grave instead I literally dont know why) #and the wording is like. ''rain gold and silver on me'' or something like that? which is why all of the dangly bits in that design #(dont worry about the rest of the brothers grimms version. thats not important. dont think about it its not in the room with us) #also in this post: future!renga bc of fucking course. who do you think I am. who do you think I am #I see a character I love I immediately try to imagine a good future for them it is Simply my ways #ft. the lethal combo of being three kinds of queer + adhd + a teen #may just be bc I myself don't go to college lol. but I can't really imagine reki going to college. he'd get apprenticeship somewhere #like immediately. on sight. some uncle in nago would snatch him up a sentence in #I waffle on langa but him just getting out of the biggest shock of his life + severe depression would Not let go of his loved ones #so tbh I can't imagine him leaving okinawa either. at least right after high school #langa has the advantage of not giving a single shit about ''his potentials'' so he'll be chasing life's pleasures for a hot second thank you #also I believe in reki speaking at least passable conversational english thank you. he's trans and gay in asia #he's just also the kind of guy who has to think for a hot second to remember which way the written number 3 faces #''nailed the logic just plugged the wrong number in several times'' kind of guy #while langa's the ''doesn't understand the fundamental concept of puzzles'' kind of guy #man. this is like having two homunculi implanted in my brain. welcome boys come join leon pokemon #talk to each others while I do my job ok? thank you #that said. the comm queue should be finished up soon #(funny thing to say about three comms I know. but I will say it anyway) #and I'll take a few days break to unclench my brain and then get back into it #every day I learn new things about the dip pen. its great #okay. nap now tho. anything else can wait

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill #well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst #like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc. #so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made #bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you #but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings #and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste #there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc #so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously) #but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything #if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is #which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose #anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate. #and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic! #if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it. #like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages #or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing #i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know #it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess #as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence #the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education #i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is- #writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl- #will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype #sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen #there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions #like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of- #'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity #like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem #but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.