#i can almost feel the warmth

[someonewhogotanaccount]

Another bonfire! It looks so dynamic, like the tail of an animal or a growing plant.

It has such a majestic appearance as it is blown into the night by the wind. Like something alive, following the lead to spread warmth in the world…. and now I'm rambling again.

#ask #thanks for the ask #thank you #i just love fire #i can almost feel the warmth #and the savety #and the familiarity #and i'm rambling yet again #but what can i do #it's fire #;)

[itspileofgoodthings]

also it’s interesting because. my family is deeply unsentimental (in a very powerful way) and society is divided into the pretty heartless or the pretty sentimental (generally speaking) and I’m sort of this walking heart wound of emotion trying to straddle these lines (and having a hard time of it!) but one of the things that does guard me from being more sentimental than I am is the secret cruelty and unfairness that lurks at the bottom of all sentimentality.

#like. schools are just such an interesting example #because they HAVE to combat the cruelty of the world #and there has to be love and warmth and support #especially if the school is a good one or trying to be and especially if the staff cares (which good teachers do) #but all the awards and the celebrations and trying to make things feel special can breed bitterness and resentment and a certain #stale weariness almost? #and yes some of that is just the human condition #it doesn’t mean you should do away with all of them just because you can’t please everyone #some of it is just the nature of the game of it all #but there is something where it becomes cloying very quickly #when wanting to celebrate students becomes detached from quality or high expectations #and even when it is united there is something I don’t like about the continual celebration of one student over another #of the kind of instinctive favorite picking schools do in terms of like ‘these are the golden kids’ #and I get it I get it we need things to keep us going too. something to celebrate someone who appreciates us #but it’s just. on some level no! no kid above reproach no kid beyond redemption #because that’s life but it’s also just kids!!! #the only real safe space for me to interact with them is teacher / student and they are allllll my students #and I have a job to do by all of them not just the ones who love me #and many of them do and i love them in return!! #but just sort of letting the love hang in the air without immediately sinking it back into the work #or using it to redirect them #and at some point just stepping all the way back #to see and remind them that my job is to be a door and a guide into something bigger than me #isn’t good. it makes it sour more. and also in some way is me hurting people more #like this senior class is special to me. they just are. and yet to dwell too much on that in my speech (a temptation) actually has all sorts #of pitfalls attendant on it. #including exposing myself to the scorn of the kids who are like ‘who’s that lol’ #which is funny and balancing in itSELF #but even if the whole class is on board the wave of sentimentality it actually shuts me off more from the students I currently teach #making that somehow seem less because they are not my ‘favorite’

[wraithwars]

oh, don't mind me: i'm just thinking about astarion proposing to tav some time after the main plot.

he plans everything to even the most inconsequential detail, wanting everything to be absolutely perfect. he writes a speech. then rewrites it. then rewrites it again and again only to realize, as he's down on one knee in front of the sole individual that has his heart in a death grip he dares not escape from, that no words could expression the adoration and love he haves for them. and he starts to cry when that person accepts wordlessly, taking him into their arms in the tightest hug they can manage, tears of their own sliding down their cheeks.

#there's so much more i can add but it's 4am and i can't miss another appointment with the sandman #but i keep thinking of my durge and astarion being bad at being vulnerable and crying #but the moment one of them proposes to the other the waterworks don't stop and it's almost overwhelming how happy they are #just two people who had nothing but darkness in their lives finding so much warmth with each other and doing what they can to heal together #im crying i can't #bg3 #astarion #may delete bc this is rambly but my feels demanded it

[torchwood-99]

Ok, been sitting on this for a while, been trying to talk myself out of it, but here goes.

The book doesn't sell me on the love Theoden had for Eowyn.

I tried to read it and find something in his actions towards her that tell me he has proper regard, proper respect for her, that gives any weight or meaning to his love for her, but I can't find anything. He dismisses her before the entire court, doesn't consider her an heir or a proper part of his house, and has to have her virtues called out to him by other people, when she has been serving him for years.

Return Of The King sees him spout platitudes and declare her "dearer than daughter", but none of this is backed up by his general actions to her.

He loves Eowyn, fine. But he doesn't love her the way he loves Eomer, or probably loved Theodred. He doesn't love her as a fully realised being. Nor as someone to take pride in and carry on his legacy. He loves her a crutch, a tool, and something between pet and person.

He has affection for Eowyn, but his love feels more like a trivial thing, than something with any real worth or regard to it.

#Lotr #Lord of the Rings #Eowyn #Theoden #I don't think this is Tolkien's intent #I think I'm meant to believe that Theoden was awesome to Eowyn and did love her more than a daughter #but Tolkien never gave me a reason to believe that #can someone find me a moment in the books where Theoden's love for Eowyn feels like something substantial #where he loves her for who she is and not for the services she has provided #where he shows any respect for her capabilities and pride in her person #and not just going along with it when other people point them out to him #I love them in the films and I want to believe in their love so much #but Theoden's love for Eowyn in the books just feels perfunctory and leaves me feeling empty #I don't think this is how their relationship is meant to make me feel #Eowyn put her life on hold and endured hell for Theoden's sake #and we never even get an implication he regretted what she endured for his sake #we never see a hint of Theoden regretting how he snubbed her before the court #almost every scene between the two of them in Two Towers lacks warmth or regard between them #the minute Theoden's recovered he sends Eowyn away as though she's not longer of use to him #he forgets her bloody existence before everyone in the hall #he has her wait on him while Eomer Aragorn Gimli and Legolas all get to sit with him #and in turn all Eowyn can do is look at him with cool pity #and at their parting she focusses more on Aragorn than Theoden #she clearly isn't feeling the love right now and why should she? #it makes Theoden calling her daughter and showing her some morsels of affection in Return of the King feel empty #like now yeah he can be bothered to acknowledge Eowyn a bit now that it suits him #but when other stuff is going on she falls to the back of his mind #there's enough unseen moments or gaps where perhaps if Tolkien had written them I might have believed in Theoden's love for Eowyn #such as their parting before Pelennor which was described as “painful” #but that pain could have meant a variety of things

[fishnchip3011]

everytime i actually open up sdv to play i get flashbanged with sebastian's white ass sprites because i always forget not everyone sees him as wasian💔 my current hc for him is half chinese (liable to change... but ik for sure he's half asian) but he is Not bilingual he can't rly speak or write the other language he can only understand it when listening but even then he's not very fluent LOL this is just turning into a sebastian hc post might as well go full out. to me sebastian Does have relationship experience but has been thru shitty ones in the past which is part of the reason why he's so pessimistic & brooding </3 and he'd hook up with ppl in zuzu city for a night for a while but it just made him feel shittier so he's stopped since ☝️ also people make him out to be way cooler than he actually is like yea sure he's kinda cool but he's also a Massive Loser especially when he tells you how he hates "seasonal fads" like pumpkin spice and that one line about the potluck soup where he's like "Why ruin the potluck? Hmm... I guess some people feel liberated when the rigid structures of society break down a little. Maybe I'm weird.” WHO ASKED😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 his ass also can NOT cook he can make spaghetti but it's mid. he probably has low ass stamina and yeah he's tall and lanky (rn i see him as around 5'9-5'10) but you could snap him in half over your knee. when he's in an actually healthy relationship he gets really flustered over certain romantic gestures cuz he's not used to feeling valued or being considered someone's #1. he picks up on little things and does acts of service but i also think he can be really callous and insensitive at times because while he can be pretty perceptive he is also Very Emotionally Stunted. he unlearns lots of unhealthy behaviors & mindsets with the help of his partner & family & friends ^__^

#i almost popped a vein trying not to mention rowan in all of this so this post is more. consumable i guess #but rowan to me is soooooo perfect for him to me because rowan's whole thing is empathy and warmth #where it's a strength but also a weakness for him because he's also a chronic people pleaser and a doormat #out of the need he feels to make people feel valued which is a good thing but not when its to the point of self negligence #rowan gives rly good advice but overburdens himself cuz he feels responsible for ppl&doesnt give himself the same treatment he gives others #when he's with sebastian he helps him feel valued and sebastian learns to trust people more and not to immediately assume the worst of ppl #and seb is sooooooo perfect for rowan bc seb is vocal about what he dislikes and when hes not happy w something/one #and is good at setting boundaries whereas rowan is Not. he helps rowan learn how to say no to ppl and be more assertive #& think abt his own feelings more! they both help e/o vocalize their feelings #for rowan its vocalizing his opinions more and valuing himself more & for seb its vocalizing more for the sake of better communication #w other ppl so he can establish better trust & relations w ppl. and stop being so closed off/unapproachable LOL #their differences match up well but it also leads to arguments/tension cuz seb doesnt communicate and resorts to avoidance #and rowan is too pliant sometimes to the point where it hurts not just himself but the ppl around him including seb #also fun fact rowan is the type to cry when he gets really angry/upset & when seb resorts to avoidance instead of reassurance #(which is what rowan wants) rowan sometimes ends up catastrophizing & also bottles up his emotions similarly to seb #they always reconcile in the end tho even if it takes a while </3 they r both learning ok!!!!!!!! #not perfect to the point where they dont argue bc thats Impossible but they suit each other well. they r good for each other qwq #eon babbles #stardew valley #farmer rowan #<- i talk about him in tags. hehehe

[torosdottir]

wish someone would hurry up and come up with a quick and easy definition of the word "love" and solve so many of my problems

#i feel like i love so many people but i struggle BAD to express it bc. i dont know what that means to them #it feels often like people take it to mean some deeper thing that i never mean at the same time they do #maybe i am simple in many definitions of the word. ive had entire fallings-out with people about it. #people say love is hard love is work people will say they can love someone but not even like them at times #i dont understand it. it leads me to believe i am lacking in this mystical 'love' they describe #but i feel full of love. #i AM simple i feel like i love people the way i love music and food and drink and. idk colours and warmth and. simple things!! #i think it means when something makes you happy!! when you enjoy it when u want it around! #but many people equate it with. things that i would describe differently. #whjatever i just want to tell a million people i love them but i want them to know what i mean. #i mean sure i care for u sure i dont want anything bad to happen to u but i feel that way about almost every human! #what i really mean is u bring me joy and i ENJOY being around u its not hard it doesnt make me feel bad or guilty its good!!! #anyway whatever anthony green just wants me to set myself alight on a fucking pyre. friends in my phone i love u..

[derpinette]

morally i am against bras but i cannot commit because the moment i feel any type of movement against my nips i feel like lopping my entire breast off Skoptsy style

#sorry for the graphic imagery but this is how that truly makes me feel #even just feeling my heartbeat there when i lay on my stomach triggers me like AAARGHHHH i have to get up & shake it off i feel so revolted #& IDK how to fix this or if it even can be in the first place Am i just doomed to this life of Stupid & Baka #( *DIES of disgust due to remembering those pictures of runners with bleeding chafed nipples* ) ( MY WORST NIGHTMARE. ) #the reason i wear a bra is not even for support the band is always too big & i can never get the straps to fit me either #either always falling off my shoulder or too short which make my bra ride up ( my situation RN ) honestly never had one fit me in my life #so i just put them on for warmth & to put a Barrier against Friction. T_T #TBH i should just wear tanktops instead because i have no practical need for bras either anyway & those could work #but unfortunately i got rid of almost all of them in MIDDLE SCHOOL -_- #except of course for my thrifted epic swag H&M black tank that fits me perfectly *-* so yay. just need to find more of that cut & size... #totally freaked out one time because i thought i permanently loosened it when i had only started wearing it recently after all these years #but na it just needed a wash. ♯yay ♯Grateful

[hshouse]

-

#taylor’s roll put #has me thinking sooooo much about H’s whole pr/brand/strategy #and my thoughts have been like falling into place #and it’s just very frustrating #to me bc her absolute MASTERY of building her brand #makes hshq’s mess #even more messy for me #there are MANY points to bring #but the one I am thinking tonight #is how she operates on an even bigger platform so she is one of the few ppl I think are proper to compare H to #and she shows how you can have absolutely crafted to the tee strategies where almost nothing is spontanous and everything is planned and $$ #is front and center and YET feel personal and intimate and like she is our buddy and that we know her and she knows us and she likes us #the reason given for H’s distant persona is privacy but what this comparison shows is that you can get privacy without giving up warmth #harry on stage is such a drastic contrast to every other imput we have from him/his brand its kinda jarring #but it doesnt HAVE TO BE THIS WAY and he doesn’t need to sacrifice privacy to still craft a warmer closer persona. thats what I have been #thinking tonight. like I know 98% of you don’t follow or even like her. but trust ME when I say that being a fan of both its like oil #and water when it comes to how their public persona is. i genuinely feel like I know her. I DONT!! but thats what I feel. and I only feel li #I know H bc I am a super fan. but thats not what his brand portrays. also and this point is more nuanced so bear w me. there is an element #that comes from this brand of Cool and Private that i KNOW is completely inaccurate like I would put my hand on the fire over this but #hshq OFTEN puts out things or implies it that H is Cool and Different and would not like want to hang out w normal ppl that are not Cool #which one I don’t care if it is true and two I dont think it is true but its something that doesnt sit well w ppl. taylor has a persona that #seems like even tho she is a trillionaire she would still sit on your couch and drunk your grocery store wine and talk about dumb shit #this is largely because of ppl like fucking KID HARPOON who are into makinng harry seem like a weird etheral being and not just. a dude #but anyway. i think this is not great. and outside of this corner MANY ppl are fans of both like me. and this is v noticeable even if ppl #dont articulate it like this. and I think he is gonna have to pivot this strategy. i just hope they do it before ppl get more annoyed #and start being even meaner to him than they already are

[boomerang109]

okay so i didn’t cut myself bangs, my hair just already has bangs if brushed differently

SO I’VE HAD BANGS BACK FOR THIRTY SECONDS AND IVE ALREADY DONE SELF-SOOTHING BEHAVIORS THAT MAKE ME FEEL SEVEN AGAIN I AM MY BANGS MY BANGS ARE ME

#i cant explain the amount that my dsyphoria is built around my bangs #my bangs and my self-image =/= #i think #wait this is gonna be awkward I wonder if this is a thing #I’ve never realized this before #but like #i cant see faces in my memories right like I know what people look like but I cant conjure their pictures in my brain #(fuck thinking about this is making me try and I think I’m hurting my head. like I get memories and essences and their face is basically #there but it’s like doctor who where if you focus you can’t actually see. like yeah I know the facts so I feel like I’m seeing it but I cant #actually see their faces. #so anyway. i guess because that probably meant I couldn’t picture my own face #?do people do that??? #i knew what I looked like based on bangs #so family photos. which one am I? bangs #and ever since they’ve been gone I still try to draw myself or picture myself with bangs #it’s def just cause I’m high but I can feel them and they’re like a reassuring warmth on my forehead #i feel so at peace #also like I recognize peoples faces im actually really good at faces so this isn’t me talking about prognosia just in case that’s unclear #it might be some weird imgination thing but I think this is how kinds work? I’ve always been unclear how much is exaggeration and not in the #whole ‘picture this’ thing. cause like. i can get the essence and ALMOST see it. but really trying to see it almost hurts my head. like I #cannot do it. but I kinda have always felt like other people could see it and I was just locked out of my imagination seeing #but also I knew that was dramatic and probably no one could see things and I was just taking idioms too literally and being weird #wow I’m high over sharing but these bangs are unlocking childhood nostalgia for real for real #and damn I really should’ve figured out the combing of this thing earlier but. sometimes I am dumb #and also I know it wouldn’t have worked not that long ago

[dykeinthedark]

me (lives in new york) when it starts snowing outside and its almost christmas: omg this is just like catcher in the rye

#YEARLY REREAD BABY!!!!! fuckin love this book #no but like there's a specific vibe of christmas in the city but ur really lonely #even tho i live in the suburbs i can still feel it when i go into the city itslef #BECAUSE LIKE. during christmas everyone's all about warmth and togetherness and this book hits hard because sometimes u are just lonely #especially in the city bc ur surrounded by people almost constantly and yet nobody knows you

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Me: anyway i'm actually very very dead inside, i haven't used more than 4% of my capacity for warmth in the last 15 years, and i dont feel like i can, i feel super lethargic and beaten all the time

Fella sitting beside me: you're literally burning the stool under your ass and shooting lava from your eyeballs but okay

#contrast is a bitch #like i'll never forget how i was out with a couple of friends and 10 minutes in one of the guys went #''god you have... so much energy... it's unbelievable'' #and i burst out laughing like ''bro i'm operating at a jittery 5% at all times'' #and this is not a joke by the way like #when i have conversations with others i can feel like how i come across as a kids' party active confetti detonator #but the thing is; i can do //so much more// #i know it i have done it before i want to do it again #but the idea that people already see my 5% as ~so much~ #i'm not sure how i feel about it. there's a sense of grief to it almost #because i know that even a solid 15% would be healing to me but it'd be borderline unbearable to them and would drive them away #and i dont feel my energy as in a vital sustaining life force. More like it's a vintage red car with a heart for an engine #and it burns fuel very inefficiently but the ride of lively and it almost gets you to home #i have met so so many people apologising for having the kind of enthusiasm i do though. and that's even sadder #like yes i can feel very lonely in my warmth but i dont feel ashamed of it #and seeing others apologising for being open and excitable hurts

[itspileofgoodthings]

just heard coat of many colors by Dolly Parton for the first time I’m so sorry I’m going to need a minute or several days——

#😭😭😭 #you know #we’re watching the shania twain documentary right now and I am having so many thoughts on Pop (country) Stars #and Dolly and Taylor—they do such different things they have different ministries #but in my (admittedly) limited knowledge of the pantheon of music superstars they’re the only two where I feel like I can compare #And they’re not the same at all. Taylor’s core is romance and Dolly’s is almost just the warmth of faith and love #but the humanity striking so deep and the impact spreading so wide #and this core that is so so solid and doesn’t depend on the (very different) aesthetics to exist #those are the SAME in both #anyway I just #present day dolly parton used to scare me because of the aesthetic and i knew nothing about her #but so many people said they loved her with such warmth and then once I started reading about her/listening more #there’s just this power and this voice and this love #that just. It goes so deep! Strikes deep into the roots of things #I am feeling a lot of things in this Chili’s tonight about female superstars #with shania apparently just being the catalyst (I don’t know shania. I’ve only heard like one Song) #Text posts brought to you by Maria needing to go back to school but not sure quite being ready #thanks 4 listening

[brainrotdotorg]

.

#sorry to do two of these in a row #but bro i fuckign hate having my brain #do the corny ridiculous shit that it does #im sitting here eating some heated up fries and they arent as good #and my brain deadass went #'wow... so symbolic....' #'they dont have the warmth they once held.... theyre a cold fascimile of how they used to be......' #'you truly can never go back...... it will never be the way it was before.....' #'how apt..... how appropriate.....' #GOD DAMN JUST LET ME ENJOY MY SHITTY POTATOES #THAT ARE GONNA GIVE ME THE FUCKING HICCUPS!!!! OKAY!!!!!! DAMN!!!!! #you can laugh its okay. its stupid #almost started crying because i can never catch a break from. making connections. #how did my brain get wired to be like this to fuckign. treat myself like im a character in a novel #i swear to god. i always used to daydream about my life being like. a show that my guardian angel was watching #i really hope that bitch is writing an essay about these past few weeks ive been having #she has a lot of content #babe. do you see the potato symbolism too #i hope she does it would make me feel less alone #google how do you delete a tumblr post

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

the fact that Helen Gamble, vicious, ruthless prosecuting attorney, would do just about anything for Lucy Hatcher, a defense firm's flighty pest of a secretary, is something that can be so personal

#generally this show is a comfort watch for me but also I'm SO emotional about helen and lucy's relationship #it's like lucy is helen's little sister that's how she acts #helen would do anything for this girl and i wonder if lucy even knows it #helen will argue even with lindsay- her best friend of many many years!- but as soon as lucy is involved she gives #it's insane to me bc helen projects SUCH a tough woman attitude she's SO sharp and icy and vicious in a courtroom or office #but if it involves snarky little lucy she can get almost to the point of being *soft* and that's SO close to being out of character #except for that it isn't!! because helen is a very very KIND woman even if her methods aren't always #which is the main tension of the show- the primary d.a. and the defense attorneys all believe in unfailing kindness #no matter the cost or drain on their own morality #but they have different beliefs about what that means and how it should be done #but another thing that makes them the same? they all have a tremendous soft spot for lucy #listen i don't usually rant about this show but HNNDNDJNSJCJD having feelings about this tonight #helen is actually very protective by nature and i love that about her. she's sharp and cold but she has the capacity for warmth #if that makes sense at all. #Lu rambles #the practice #meta finding tag

[dcvotion]

❀ ||  Hi hello, I promise I’m still here-- I’m in the process of moving literally across the country this coming Sunday night (East coast to west coast, babyyyy~) so it’s been rough with picking up extra hours at work and getting things all prepped, but I promise in August, things will officially pick back up again ♡

I miss everyone here !! Hope y’all are having a lovely night, take care of yourselves, and I will see you soonish!!

#✿• ᴬ ʷᵉᵃᵛᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵃˡᵉˢ; ᴾᵃⁱⁿᵗᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ (MUN SPEAKS) #I'm so excited y'all have no idea ;; ;; I've been vibrating for like two months now and now it's almost time #my body is so bruised and broken from all this hard work but my god will it all be worth it in the end. I'll be going to a new home #where I'll be cultivating warmth and love and care and I'm just-- I'm so excited guys I can't say it enough #I legit teared up and cried today at work just thinking about it all I'm so excited I'm bouncing out of my skin #it's been so rough at work though for sure my body and my mental health is in the gutter which is funny #considering how excited and happy I am about the move dfjhgsk can that happen at the same time??? Because it sure feels like it #but I'm good; Hanging in there and excited and just-- UGH I'M EXCITED ANYWAYS THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY HAVE A GOOD NIGHT

[a-cosmic-elf]

30 day Song Challenge: Day 3 - a song that reminds you of summertime.

Nuyorican Soul - I am the black gold of the sun 🌞

That start… wait for it… ahhhh *takes drink and sits by the pool* ☀️🏝️🍹😎

#30 day song challenge #day 3 #nuyorican soul #I am the black gold of the sun #warmth just radiates from this track #you can almost feel it #Youtube