#i dont feel well ok 😭😭

[kaixserzz]

eons adrift ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ wanderer x gn!reader

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🎐 ꒱ "i'll come and find you in every life celestia will give me." "that's not possible, you and i both know that." "watch me!"

 ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ cw: character analysis-ish, mildly proofread, drabble but it's kinda messy, its more like an idea than a fic LOLLL im sorry, hurt/comfort

scaramouche took you for a naive fool, just as he was when oh so stupidly believed those words as kunikuzushi.

you are but a human. a mere breath of his everlasting eternity. a few hundreds of years and he would forget everything about you.

insignificant, you humans were.

frail.

vulnerable.

so so easy to break.

as he walked into the path of darkness; consuming him and turning him into someone he doesn't recognize in the mirror no longer—kabukimono, kunikuzushi, the love of your life, was long gone. memories like the leaves that turn yellow and crumble to ashes as winter approaches.

yet the winter will remain in his empty chest for as long as he walks teyvat. churning into a blizzard of ice cold pain, destroying everything around him as it grows. he continues to walk this wretched path he chose.

but then he met someone, rekindling the spark that was once there beneath his porcelain skin. trying to light up a burn out wick, to bring an end to his winter and bring forth the beautiful spring he was once.

scaramouche never thought he'd love again.

even after all through the pain he went from the doctor's experiments, after roaming the great expanse of the abyss, after becoming the balladeer, the 6th of the fatui harbingers, he still felt.

love.

happiness.

pain.

sorrow.

and regret.

he hates it, but he loves them, just as much as he loved you.

though he allowed someone new worm their way into his heart, he kept them in arm's reach. he cannot bear to be vulnerable to someone else. they were human, they were to die; he is a puppet, he is meant to live on forever.

but then he heard them say things only you would say. giving him lavender melons you bought off the market, accidentally calling him names only you would know.

he remember that promise you made him before you died.

"i'll come and find you in every life celestia will give me."

scaramouche did not understand what he felt when he realized that his new lover, was in fact, just a reincarnation of you. and just like that, your name burns back itself into his mind—a name he thought he had erased into obscurity, along with his past.

he was a fool, scaramouche thought. he laughed at himself, a laugh void of humor, nor joy.

it was your name, your first incarnation, just in a different language.

it appears that scaramouche didn't like this feeling. of bitter butterflies in his stomach, the familiarity when you try to get close to him, the same smile you had, the light full of love in your eyes—it was all too much for him.

so he left you in the snow of his ever growing blizzard. buried under the thick layers of freezing ice.

and again, to your next reincarnation. a fatui, a vendor, an adventurer, a knight, a scholar—male, female, neither, or all of them; tall, short, plump, slim, dark or light skinned,

he cannot bear to lose you just as he first did.

slipping by his fingers, to the one thing he is not affected by.

death.

he doesn't accept the fact that your love has led you back to him, again and again.

why do you even keep coming back? don't you know he's part of the fatui? don't you know what he has done? don't you know what he has become?

and yet you'd knock on his door, calling his name with your voice full of warmth, arms wide for him to take and allow himself to be called yours again—all he had to do was open the door.

he has kept a lock on it ever since he met you again.

worn down and rotten; chains all rusted, handle jammed and barely working. he approaches the door once again. this time, as wanderer. a better version of himself,

one that's finally willing to open the door to you.

but you weren't there anymore, waiting for him on the other side.

how could you? you were never there in the first place.

not with this version of himself.

not as the wanderer.

and maybe that was for the best. even though he cries himself to sleep at night for all the things he has done to you. weeping, as he curls onto the sheets, praying to the stars above in hopes you'd hear his heartbroken apologies, yearning for your love, your touch, your smiles—

this was his punishment for hurting you, for being a fool. he was underserving of your love, after all.

"hey, wanderer, was it?"

a new voice, someone unfamiliar. he refrained from sighing, for buer's sake, and instead took a deep, refreshing breath. he turns, and the stranger smiles brightly at him.

immediately, as if the winds of spring has hit him all so suddenly in the face. the fragrance of blooming flowers that was once buried under the snow, the sun shining brightly in the skies, and birds chirping symphonies.

like the mornings brimming with new found hope, the smell of dew sticking onto his clothes as he trace his fingers all over the a tree's trunk. like the the juices of a fruit he sank his teeth into, dribbling down the corners of his lips and down his arms.

warmth tingled on his skin, and his heart leaps.

"nice to meet you!" you say your name, a name he has heard hundreds of versions before, all so different and yet they all felt and tasted like honey dripping down his tongue. "i hope we get along."

"yeah," he says, almost breathless, as the tears begins to well in his eyes. his fingers tremble, and his smile grew wobbly. tipping his hat down to avoid your gaze, his voice cracks. "i hope so too."

his door was wide open, waiting for you come in.

you grin, and take a step inside.

 ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

author's note: "i thought this was a dottore only blog? SHUT UP!!!!! SHUT UP!!! 🥹🥹🥹🥹 IM MAD AT MYSELF TOO BUT THIS IS FOR @fatuismooches also new format because im too lazy to open my files :/ not back yet, i just wanna write this for the pookie 💗💗 ty for listening to me ramble like a madman ur single handedly gettin me thru it ong LMAOOO /lh

#favoniuslibrary #˚₊໒🔪꒱kai writes₊˚ #╰┈➤ wanderer #wanderer x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genhin impact #scaramouche x reader #listening to mitski's new album to this #this is like #so so bad but bear with me #i dont feel well ok 😭😭 #idea came to me while im in the shower

[jkpng]

day 135/547 of missing jungkook

#jk #jungkook #buny #said i would yap abt this live and here it is #ik when i was watching it live i said to smone like. the mood is weirdly melancholic but now hes talking abt food and instantly its lighter #but since then i kinda forgot that the first half of that live is like. SUCH AN ODD VIBE #and i rewatched unprepared for it 😭 and got emotional #like idk. like the vibe is DAMP. its heavy not necessarily sad but it was Heavy #and hes talking abt not sleeping well lately and waxing poetic abt he can come here when he feels unstable and it feels safe n comforting #and like. mentioning he feels nauseous and one song looped for like 20 mins and sitting in the fucking dark just pondering silently #like bro ARE U GOOD????? its giving Me whenever im horribly depressed 😭 #like ik u cant really tell someones feelings from their face esp if u dont know them but he just seemed. troubled #and i was watching it like Bro why are u on a livestream sitting in the dark staring at me w big wet eyes ARE U OK……. #and then he starts talking abt food and my eyes literally got wet bc he just. immediately brightened #and got talkative again #and i cant explain idk it made me emotional like. wuh hes happy telling us abt his noodle recipe….wuh…… #and i had to tap out idk ill watch the rest later. IDK IDKKKKKKK im just fond. whatever

[cerealmonster15]

listen people can have their differing opinions that’s cool I just Personally Feel Like it’s just so mean to be yelling that feedback such as likes on posts and a kudos on fics are “useless”. What do u mean. Why. are ppl not expressing their feelings in a way that makes them comfortable ? ?

Like I Understand i guess in the sense of you don’t get to hear peoples opinions. I also feel kinda lonely and stuff when it’s quiet feedback but calling anything useless sounds so WEIRD to me ??? What is the goal. And also yea they do something still I’m pretty sure????

Take ao3. Isn’t sort by kudos an option on there? If your goal is to be seen more or whatever then if people are looking for high kudos fics, then people giving ur fic a kudos isn’t useless yeah??

And then tumblr. People keep saying “likes do nothing here there’s no algorithm” or whatever but that’s not really fully true. On your standard dashboard, sure, likes “don’t do anything” to move a post around on there. BUT that��s not the only place people find posts. If u are looking in the tags for posts, im p sure the default is to sort by popular posts. That’s, as far as I understand, a TOTAL NOTES count. Likes are included. Likes help ur posts her higher in that “popular” zone. I have several posts that have ended up in there in some small ship tags BECAUSE of all the likes, which does still have people seeing those posts now and then when they’re in the tag.

AND I’m pretty sure it’s a similar mechanic for the for you page. I’m sure we think people don’t use that feature but I’m pretty sure people do/ maybe new users. This is more of a theory on my part lol buttttt. I’ve noticed a few rare times where I’ve made an addition to a reblog on someone else’s post, there will be a stretch of time sometimes where random people that Do Not Follow Me keep liking/reblogging the post via my addition. WAY more times for it to just be a stray person wanting it from my addition without comments under (and I don’t think people do that when they’re only liking the post lol). And the few times I’ve accidentally had my for you tab on, I believe it does show via other people’s reblogs lol. So that’s just my way of saying total note count INCLUDING LIKES probably does put posts in peoples eyes on the for you tab / my experience tells me people do use that feature so it’s not just sitting there dusty lol.

Anyway I like mostly understand why people want reblogs and comments, like I do prefer them too bc I like when people tell me what they r thinking (however sometimes people do not add their thoughts in the tags either and that is just how it is!). And I also understand some people maybe just don’t know that others like that kind of feedback and need to hear it first to feel encouraged. I think I just personally do not like the tone that a lot of posts have when they talk about it. When ur calling likes useless bc idk it’s not the right kind of feedback u wanted so it’s inferior ?? 😭😭😭 I also feel like that intense vibe like, idk if this makes sense or if other people felt it too, but it negatively shifted my own perception too? Like. I thought likes were fine. But now with how intense people are about them and not meant if likes bc they just don’t count in ur eyes, now when people like instead of reblogging, I just think of all those posts and I’m like “hmm ok is my post bad did I make a bad post bc everyone says the likes aren’t good so if I’m getting likes I made A Bad Post. It’s Pity Feedback” <- which is SO unhealthy and also tbh has a lot more to do with my own issues that are just getting influenced here so it’s not all on those posts lol. I just Also Have Extra Issues 🫡

Ok jeeze I don’t wanna sound soap boxy tho so I’m NOT letting people rb this aJsndjfcjfjfjcjfj and ppl can absolutely have different feelings and opinions about the situation it’s fine. this is just. how I feel ✌️

#I don’t wanna invalidate how ppl feel about it #and I hope ppl won’t invalidate how I feel either lol … #it just makes me SAAAAAAD it bums me out #I dont wanna feel like it’s all a numbers game #I just wanna share sillies :( #IT JUST FEELS HARSH!!!!! #sometimes I like a post so I can reblog later with tags #but I don’t always remember to do it #and then I’ll see a post that’s like #YOU HAVE TO REBLOG DONT LIKE AND RUN #and then I’m like well. I was gonna like and come back #but o don’t want u to get mad at me #but I don’t have time to add tags rn #so I guess I will just not interact at all ???? #it’s way too stressful. why are there RULES 😭😭😭😭 #and this is all coming from someone who reblogs and comments like mad. I go crazy #I am not a likes and kudos only person lol #but. it is in defense of them. don’t we all share our love differently #is that a crime 😭😭😭😭 #ok I’m fully distracted I gotta go bye

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

crazy how any mlm gojo ship is perfect actually

#stsg? classic. i dont need to say anything theyve ruined me for life #nanago? sweet n cute <33 classic grumpy x sunshine except theyre both repressed men in their late twenties what more could u want #sukugo? hunger as a metaphor for love <33 incredibly homoerotic <3333 just two men teaching each other abt love through violence <333333 #goken? … the forbidden option but im sooo weak for it ok. the longing the hatred the animosity #kenny killing the two six eyes havers before gojo … ending up in the body of the man he loves most …. being forced to feel that love #and gojo being forced to see his one and only’s body being manipulated. being forced to hear kenjaku speak in suguru’s voice #there’s just sooooo much there like im obsessed . peaked divorced couple energy #also throwing in ijichi x gojo for the lols but i do think theyre cute i just need gojo to start treating him well 😭😭😭 #“you’re the man i trust most.” <- gojo pls come out of the closet im so tired of your shit #also if u want crackships pls consider; higuruma x gojo / choso x gojo ….. theyre sooooo his type #ari noises ✩

[bangcakes]

.

#so like is the rest of my life just gonna be Yearning from now on NZNXNXJXNXMX #ok maybe not the rest of it. but the forseeable future. god how do ppl do this. how have ppl BEEN doing this. #ignorance is truly bliss like. i talk to my friends about him n they dont like fully understand bc theyve never liked someone so mucg #its just so embarassing to talk about n i just BDNDJDJNDJD #i just !!!! always imagined myself single. and would Say Stuff about not wanting anything like that but now im a big clown JDJDJDJJDDJ #BUT HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ITD BE LIKE THIS. GOD #im also like. trying to talk myself out of it. like oh maybe its all in my head JDJDJDJDJDN #but like just too much has happened. idk. im just........ im feeling impatient 😭😭😭😭 #but like. its progressed well so far with me just progressing things when they feel Right. hhhhh god #and like things wouldnt have progressed this far without him liking me at least a little???? #idk !!!!!!!!!!!! this stuff is so hard. and like i cant even see him now without making plans hhhhhhhhhhh #it was so much easier before we graduated NDJDJDJDJDMMFMD #ah well..... soon i guess. soon #itd be really nice tho if he like asked me out. but i have a feeling that maybe im not being obvious to him?? maybe i gotta spell it out idk #he also said (in ref to a job offer tho) that he wouldnt take it unless it was for sure #and i have a feeling......... that maybe hes not sure ????????? god idk #rip to my simple life. guess i gotta wait til i see him again hhhhhhh #personal

[skorros]

Oh My God (<-just finished saw III)

#moth mumbles #saw iii #saw 3 #saw franchise #i wanted to watch saw today cuz id never watched it #and i watched saw 1 and was like 'ok well i need to see what happens next then' and then thought saw ii was so cool #and then i just watched saw iii. feeling alot of things and its mostly frustration towards jeff #i literally made the 😕 face 😭 #ALSO IT WAS SO MUCH MORE GOREY THAN THE FIRST TWO???? im not rly. squeamish but god it was gross #also the rack death made me tear up a little. #i literally blocked the screen with my hand and went 'i dont like seeing my people in pain' (im black) #LIKE WUWGSHDHFJF that as the most upsettinf one for me #ud think this means i dont wanna wstch the rest. ud be mistaken. im just not gna watch them tonight #i will be tuning in to saw X mark my words

[b1ackpaws]

My omori plushies finally arrived therefore everyone is required to see them (I would commit crimes for them)

#Omori #sunny omori #kel omori #basil omori #EXPLODINH THWM WITH MIND THIS IS ALL IVE EVER WANTED 😭😭😭 #LOOK AT RHEM THEYRE SO SILLY #Plushies #omori plushies #Omori plush #Ok can I just say how tiny they are #LIKE THEYRE LITERALLY POCKET SIZED OMHHG #Smaller than I expected #This is /pos btw I adore them with my whole life #Would love to get aubery mari and hero but the others are sold out and frankly I dont feel like spending another 100 dollars on em #Unless.. #nonono! We need to save money #Uh this is getting a bit long #Oh well! #Its nice being able to throw in some of my thoughts here #I like that about tumblr hehe #To the people who pressed more tags Im sorry #Woe paws thoughts be upon ye #Lmaoooaoao

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

i hate kevin ball. i’m disinterested in veronica fisher. they fucked up svetlana’s whole character by creating the throuple. the end.

#kev and v are funny as side characters but i really can’t stand them as main characters and i’m sorry #i feel like once they hit that rough patch in s5 i lost interest #and they had a bit too much screentime #every single season they have like 11 storylines that barely link together and are just for laughs and to make the episode longer #like if you watch shameless without their scenes (that don’t have the gallaghers/milkoviches) you arent missing much #i just dont understand how some people are like THESE ARE THE BEST CHARACTERS and then they’re the least complex and most boring #(kev and v not svetlana) #svetlana was well-written and interesting and easily in my top 10 but the throuple happens and i just can’t #i’m not bothered or bored or even annoyed by her it’s just they were so stuck with her character #like her whole ordeal with mickey ended (or just noel left) and they were really at a loss #so they just literally added her into kev and v’s relationship because those two are the characters they also don’t know what to do with #it’s like the island of misfit toys or whatever it’s called from rudolph the red-nosed reindeer😭😭 #i love shanola and isidora so i’m glad they got screentime #but it’s just like… why #ok that’s the end of my rant that nobody asked for #shameless #kevin ball #veronica fisher #svetlana yevgenivna

[lemongogo]

who 2 draw . worst art dilemma of all time ,

#every singke time i open a canvas #w/o fail i draw ww and evey single time he ssmoking and i feel so bad for whagever i put his lungs thru #but then i rmbr blr!wolfwoods ashtray and im like irs ok thats just how he is #hes litwlly so lucky 2 have those vials . 😭 #idek if i want to draw trigun rn . like i do but also wht else is there 2 draw rn #like so much avtually . i want to draw elendira and ww together but also legato and vash but also knives ans maybe razlo & livio too #and then so #like of course when and also #yknow #and hren im also like hmm.maybe i want to go back 2 spiderverse for a bit since i only drew jess and miguel once #but thwn im also like ok well what if jjkay season 2 . but i also havent watched it and idr much of my read thru #unmm . literally umm rn #UKMMJ!??!??? #i need some fkcing ocs . GET SOME OCSS‼️‼️ #tbh i have been wanting 2 make my trigun oc idr if i talked abt him #biologist . LIKE MEEE .. gung ho sexy but literally dgaf about knives hes like i just want 2 study plants & their metabolism ok #like secure them save them free them i support u i just want 2 help these guys on a scientific level #ugh . sexy awesome and like cool and also sexy and also awesome #no but i dont like .’i cannot design people u have to hear me out im so ass @ chara design #ummm. UMMHHHU. i should wtch trigun 98 instead maybe #or maybe i shld finish that meryl sheet i abandoned T__T #or frwking maybe j should draw vash in his og leather undersuit . GOIDDDDD hes so everyuthing . my miau .. ❤️ #<will fall asleep having done none of the above

[etchedstars]

sorry idk i just think that if you complain abt your partner being the only person who cares about you but then block out every single one of your friends after you grow tired of them then maybe you have some self growth to do

#not to vague post but like. come on lmao #youre not a magnet for shitty ppl man maybe youre just a shitty person #and like admittedly i dont think this person was but come on if you dont have anyone consistent in your life bc YOU shut all of them out #youre doing something wrong. sorry. #ok thats my only ventpost this month. i feel like i have a right to pettiness for not vagueposting three months ago #the overdue asteroid strikes again #i hope the person this is abt sees this lmao <3 i also hope youre doing better and youve gotten over yourself #frankly i didnt need to see anime characters nor your petty complaints over how bad your life is but i did! i put up it with it bc i though #we were friends! but at the same time if you want ppl to care about you youre sure as fuck making it hard to 😭😭 hows anyone gonna care abt #you if you block them once youre tired of them or if they do one thing that offends you #if youre looking for perfect friends then like dont. the point of having friends is loving them. despite despite despite. #hypocritical as fuck lmfao. i thought huh maybe i should block you after you told me you were so jealous of me you couldnt read my writing #you make it so fucking hard for anyone to care about you and im sure you know that bc its all you post about #well. i cared about you. youre fucking awful and i shouldnt have though

[kaeyapilled]

. (tw heterosexuality)

#i am having the worst sexuality crisis of my life. i was so sure i was a lesbian but there is this One Guy.. #he makes me feel things. i think. but i cant categorize them #relationships w men sound.. unappealing.. if i think about it generally #like a random man? sounds weird. or maybe not. i dont know. i havent even had a first kiss lmao i dont really know stuff #but him............oh...........hes so funny and cool and nice to everyone. his hands are pretty (weird thing to notice but ok) #he explains math to me and i cant focus because he's too close. thats so MORTIFYING I THOUGHT I WAS A DYKE #but at the same time 12 year old me was having heart palpitations around my first girl crush and shit #and he hasnt made me feel anything that strong so far. so. idk. but also i was 12. so idk #well okay generally speaking women make me feel much more doing way less #there was this occasion where this girl who i always had a mild thing for but never did anything about it just came up to me #at school #and just. haha lol i had a dream about you last night ;) #i am not joking when i say i felt weak in the knees. she was smiling in a like playful way so i was gonna make a joke but i could not #because i was going to pass out from being too gay #this guy (or any other guy for that matter) doesn't seem to have the power to make me feel like that #..........am i bisexual with a female lean or whatever people say. or am i experiencinf the worst case of comphet of my life #this is awful. not because i don't wanna like men (its just sexuality idc) but because i don't want to prove my mom right #😭what if it WAS a phase #but who knows. mentioning the girl who dreamt about me kind of replaced the thoughts i was having of him for a bit there #i miss her she was nice. well sort of. but i was never involved in the drama so who cares fr. she graduated last year #anyways sorry for breaking character. tumblr user kaeyapilled is lore dropping

[prxckedradiolove]

so normal about dinahboose 🙃😭

#i don’t even know if people ship it anymore all the stuff i see for it is pretty old 😭 #dont care 😎 #i know im evil #im such a multishipper tho.. cooking oil is so sweet at times… #i feel like if your gonna ship greaseball or c.b with dinah i think everyone has this lil yeah dw they get better tho #which is so me im like #AWWW GUYS THEY ARE SO CUTE #but i only ship them when c.b apologizes to rusty and everyone 😡 #then its okay 🥰 #so many thoughts about what c.b did tho.. #cuz i feel like him braking/crashing rusty and being on electra and greaseball’s side is kind of out of immatureity and naive(ness?) #just a lil bit #and dinah helps him realize good morality in some way #but what i love about dinahboose above any other c.b ship is that i feel like c.b could also improve dinah as well #like during theres me he’s so supportive and guenuine and i feel like he would totally give dianh advice #i’m still figuring out caboose’s character tho because he is.. confusing #a lil deranged guy 😭 #wow ok that was a lot of tag talking alright gn everyone #trainrot #dinahboose

[spaceyflowers]

good afternoon tumblr randomly terminated my account 5 for days but i promise im well and fine 😭

#adrien shush #do u know the fear that instilled in me when tumblr app wouldn't let me log in so i logged into chrome and- #was met with 'Your Account Is Terminated.' my god. #i was like i did not make tumblr acc to create content and interact with ppl for like 5 months just to have it all disappear. #i literally dont even know why my account got terminatednin the first place. i asked questions ahout copyright or spam and- #all tumblr did was apologize which is. fine ig bare minimum but i at least wanted to know why the blog of some 17 yr posting about- #his fave silly blorbos from a webtoon would be marked for termination in the first place !!?????? #was it..... literally pure coincidence.. just an accident.... did someone report me #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #pain and agony pain and agony #well. anyways ive had 5 days to think about this and cry about it and i feel ok now but still a little eugh..... yknow? #at the very least it was a nice break from social media. i guess. i was just plagued by the fear my content was gone 4ever 💔💔 #ANYWAYS x2 im alive and well im back and school is still kicking my ass but hey im here!!!!!!!!

[guinevereslancelot]

imagine a supergirl story but good and original....dc get on this

#literally let me write supergirl since you dont wanna!!! #i'll doo it!! i have ideas #like coherent ones even #there is a well developed supergirl who lives in my brain and she could live in canon too #anyway this million dollar idea for free....dc feel free to use this idea...... #like imagine if she had her own city and rogues gallery and supporting characters and it wasnt all a lazy ripoff of clarks..... #it would be so easy im begging 😭 #first of all the only good job she ever had was guidance counselor do NOT make her a reporter or put her in a dang soap opera #now ur already ahead of 90 percent of supergirl content #then just. tell a coherent plot <3 #give her a good love interest for ONCE and dont let it be a walmart kryptonian or lois lane but a dude #fr her love interest should be from earth this is essential and ideally not superpowered but could still be a superhero #but no aliens! and not braniac ffs #and not a knockoff lois lane #a non powered or low powered hero who is still awesome would be very cool #let her fall in love with humanity #and give her her own rogues gallery make some new bad guys its ok i promise 😭 #anyway.....infinite bitterness i could go on forever #also dont call her linda and dont make her a danvers she is a kent she should be kara kent its fine i promise its fine #smallville was right abt that part #i will NEVER draw an in depth web comic but i might write a fic thats just the supergirl story as it should be from start to present lol #anyway dc has no ideas for her and they have never had ideas for her and it shows #having no story to tell never stopped them from telling a story tho bless <3 #this has been a shitpost #welcome back to me complaining

[dballzposting]

I domt think that I can look at this redbubble sticker the same way anymore now that I know that he licks that cat

#im over it now but i wanted to make the posts i drafted in my head while at work anyway.... #Like Ok ive been considering buying this pattern on a hat and i almsot did for my birthday but i didnt and #if i had then that shit would be in transit right now and i domt know how i would feel about that .. Think id lose it. #Im over it but earlier today i was a little hung up and honestly i frowned at thag bc #i dont want it to be like a Thing(tm)bc i HATE IT when things are Things i hate it when i get tunnel vision like that #things are much more enjoyable when i can be expansive and wholesome abt it and not get stuck on one needlepoint perspective or detail #EXAMPLE goten shitting in the urinals. i loved it but for a long time it was all i had 😭😭i got so sick of GOING ON ABOUT IT. #so im glad im over this glad i was able to let it pass naturally w/o getting stuck on it.. was getting a bit disquieting there but im good.. #ive been wanting that on a hat for months maybe one day i really will get it .. honestly maybe i need to now more than ever. Well anyway #dballz posting #yajirobeposting

[bloggirl8842]

I feel like one of my friends is being weird with me but I’ve got no proof all I know is I asked her for another friend’s number (someone I haven’t spoken to in 4 yrs 😟) and she stopped texting me back and liking my posts. Which could be entirely incidental like it should just be entirely incidental but I am getting a weird vibe

#i had a massive crush on the other friend for awhile. that could be it? but she didnt know abt that so idk. im reaching out to him bc im try #ing to text a bunch of artists i grew up and he was like the main one for a bit so avoiding him would be way weirder than just being normal. #also ofc i got over the crush years ago. i regret it a bit i mean not the feeling i guess bc u cant regret honest things like that but i #regret the way it made me act i couldve just been normal! i didnt learn how to do that til after #i think i just had a lot of shame around existing like i didnt enjoy my personality i didnt socialize well i wasnt pretty i had no real pass #ion for anything so i felt like a burden whenever i liked anyone and got REALLY weird about it. like stop talking to them start memorizing t #heir hallway routes weird 😭 anyways im mostly worried like girl please dont be weird w me i value our friendship and also directness #though i do think it must be incidental. but the little possibility that its not…. #it bothers me bc shes like niku ur so real and its like ok b real w me back. but im guessing shes just busy or distracted or something like #ive got a lot of people lm supposed to write who i just havent