Tumgik
About
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
Tumblr.com rank in the US is 25.
#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she
opens-up-4-nobody
·
30 days
Text
...
#sorry im thinking abt death again
#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died
#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from
#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed
#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she
#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way
#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today
#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days
#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt
#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her
#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that
#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.
#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless
#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club
#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her
#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i
#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my
#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters
#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.
#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.
#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a
#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length
#unrelated
13 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
theprinceofpastels
The Prince of Pastels
demonisedyouth
demonisedyouth
yukqhei
www.funeralflowersuk.org.uk
heavy-is-the-crown-if
Heavy is the Crown
wmiqaqueen
Simply me.