#i dont know why that hit me so hard

[lunarharp]

"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/" #i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want #but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care #i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now #i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit #i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do. #there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know #i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW. #i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends... #btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines #i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words #to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court #anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him #why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it? #they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out #way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone. #the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames? #something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey #I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now

[somethingaboutmint]

Maccready did not need the sadboy deadwife backstory at all but in my mind the idea of his wife being the same lucy from little lamplight is like kind of genius actually. They're both around the same age and got out of lamplight around a simmilar time and the idea of them finding comfort in being the only thing familliar to the other in a huge wasteland thats unkind to everybody is like. DO YOU GET ME. AND THE FACT THAT FROM THE AGES OF 16 (when they left lamplight) TO 22 THEY MANAGED TO SOMEHOW HAVE A KID WHO MANAGED TO GROW OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY IN A BACKYARD BY HIMSELF (im guessing atleast like 2-3 years old i doubt he was unattended but the way maccready says it its like yeah he was just playing one second and suddenly hes randomly sick idk tangent over back to my main point) BEFORE LUCY EVENTUALLY DIES (brutally. Thems the DC for you) AND MACCREADY GOES TO THE COMMONWEALTH WHERE HE'D HAVE TO BE SITUATED FOR ATLEAST A YEAR FOR THE TIMELINE TO MAKE SENSE IS FUCKING INSANE. AND I KNOW ITS JUST BAD BETHESDA PLANNING/WRITING BUT ALSO THEM BEING RAISED IN A COLONY OF STRICTLY CHILDREN BASICALLY AND THEN ACCIDENTALLY HAVING A KID PRETTY MUCH FRESH OUT OF THE CAVES ITS LIKE. IT MAKES SENSE. Dumbasses do not know what sex ed is!!!!! Like everything in maccreadys backstory can literally be explained by the fact that he and his wife were raised in a fucking cave by OTHER CHILDREN and are NOT NORMAL. Maccready is dark and broody because he lived like 40 years worth of emotional trauma in half a decade. Lucy being from lamplight also connects fo4 maccready to fo3 maccready better than if it was just some random girl cuz maccready could be literally any other bastard with a dead wife but if Lucy is also from lamplight then its ALSO AN NPC YOU MEET AND TALK TO AND KNOW IN FO3!!!!!!! Yeah it fucking sucks that they had to resort to the dead wife trope for the 7th time in fallout 4 alone but it really shows just how brutal DC was and gives mac leverage to like connect with the sosu cuz THEY JUST LIKE ME FR LIKE YOU KNOW???????? In reality his backstory is fucking stupid but in my mind i modified it and now it rocks. I want to give lucy depth. I want to make a million stupid headcanons about her from how she was the only person stubborn enough to keep up with maccready to how anxious she was about leaving lamplight before maccready promised they'd go together (you know to help her feel better not because he thinks of her as a friend or likes her or anything b-baka). Todd doesnt understand my vision

#fallout #i dont want to tag this anymore i dont know why i went so unhinged over this specific topic. #its 2 am #i just. shakes my fists at the sky i love overanalyzing insignificant shit especially in fallout 4 #fo4 writing infuriates me cuz its not always bad but when it is it hits so fucking hard and has so many plot holes #still mad about the game being like yeah kellog lived over 100 yrs with some technology we made for especially for him once and never again #like idk. is this anything.

[purpleandstarlight]

A-and then *hic*...he said...*sob*...he said "You're always right Ciel. There was no Father Christmas. That's why...I'm sure there's no such thing as God either."

#i dont know why this hits me so hard #its just that when he was little he was so full of positivity and belief #his parents said santa was real #so ofc he was #and when the cult took them in and fed them he genuinely believed they were being saved #that scene really showed how much that month broke him #in a different way than the other scenes in the manga do #that was him still having SOME form of stability in the presence of r!Ciel #and while still in the situation and therefore unable to fully process it #yet he still shows how something in him broke #kuroshitsuji #black butler #ciel phantomhive #o!ciel

[maeshelix]

Am I really so vain that I'll seriously consider getting into a fighting game just because they have a transfem character in it now?

#guilty gear #gg #bridget #bridget guilty gear #in all seriousness i dont know why her arcade mode dialogue hit me so hard but it legit did #something about the way she says 'because... i'm a girl' just brings me so much joy #something about the way this is handled in the arcade mode with so much support and thought #i dont even know. the way they handle this is so fucking good!!! how the two other characters verbally support her and encourage her #i cant put these thoughts into words i just #if i wasnt already sure i was trans the dialogue for bridgets arcade mode would have crakced my egg wide open thats all ill say #shit punched through my mental armor like an anti-tank round through balsa wood

[nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius]

.

#the loneliness is hitting me hard today and idk why #i know it's anxiety making me overthink everything #but it is SO easy to fall into the trap of everyone is pretending to like you #they don't really want to talk to you you'll always be the odd one out #i hate it #i wish there was a way to switch it off but it never goes away #and this time i know i dont have a reason to think it but the fear response is the fucking same #i hate it here

[iamfuckingsorry]

Sorry guys, another DE rant incoming. This one's not even on any specific topic, just some feelings about the game that I need to get out.

So, the game absolutely fucking killed me. I intentionally didn't play the entire thing at once to give myself time to process and it still fucking killed me. And by killed I mean I had to take crying breaks at work hiding in the bathroom. Like literally unable to go through a day at work without coming this close to a breakdown. And there's other compounding factors for that, sure, but still.

And it's like... It's a chilling social commentary with too many layers for its own good. The main character is a walking bundle of current and past issues mixed with the consequences of extremely messed-up past actions. The main support character has the best of intentions but is heavily flawed himself. Everyone else in the story is fucked up, really every single fucking thing is fucked up, yet the game itself keeps giving you these little snippets of hope. All the side quests where you can make a difference to someone. Deep conversations. Kim smiling. Realizing the people you originally thought were massive assholes were just hurting. The goddamn stick insect.

You are a violent and irrepressible miracle.

Something beautiful is going to happen.

In the dark times, should the stars also go out?

Streets and sodium lights, the sky, the world. You're still alive.

You still have some years. You still have some hope.

The only way to load the dice is to keep on fighting.

Kim being so hopelessly in love with Revachol even though he's been treated like shit by the city's inhabitants.

Harry being so hopelessly in love with Revachol, too, even though he can't even remember her.

The world is shit, but there's still all these little things that make it worth living.

And I'd... really love for that to be my take away. I would really, really fucking love that. But somehow, I can't.

Because no matter how much good you do preventing an absolute bloodbath in Martinaise, changes are coming, and they aren't good changes. The wheels are already in motion and they cannot be stopped, no matter how vigilant Harry is, no matter how much Revachol loves him.

22 years after Harry wakes up, Revachol's getting nuked to pieces.

Some 5 years after that, the entire world as we know it is getting swallowed by the pale.

Kim Kitsuragi will not live to see 70.

(Honestly, this is the line that kills me the most. He deserves to grow old, to look at his life and be happy with what he's done with it, at peace and fully accepted by everyone including himself for the first time in his life. And instead he's getting killed in a pointless conflict that will usher in the end of the world, or if he won't get killed then, he's getting nuked to death. Kim Kitsuragi will not live to see 70.)

Anyway. I know that that's part of the point. Horrible things are inevitable but that doesn't mean life isn't worth living and good things aren't worth fighting for. You can still fight the inevitable darkness while you're here, you should still fight the inevitable darkness while you're here, you need to fight the inevitable darkness while you're still here because if you don't, then what are you living for? And if not you, then who? If you lose your last sliver of hope, then you lose everything. Yes, life is terrible and terrifying, but life is also so, so, so beautiful.

And even when life is shit, it's all just part of a cycle. Sometimes bad things need to happen in order for the good ones to be able to come back again. One day I'll return to your side. After death, life again. After the pale, the world again. The good connected to the bad, intertwined so tightly they cannot be separated in any meaningful way.

And I think I'm starting to get there, I really do. After the pale, the world again. Even in the darkest of times there is always hope of a brighter future. After the pale, the world again. After death, life again. Un jour je serai de retour près de toi. The only way to load the dice is to keep on fighting. The stars will never go out, not even in the darkest of times.

But instead I just... I close my eyes and I think of Revachol herself begging Harry to save her, and I think of her burning, and I think of Kim not living to see 70.

And I want to cry.

#DE #disco elysium #herr's personal tag #god this rant got so so heavily edited down and it's still so fucking long #god #i /need/ to talk about DE to someone alright #i /need/ to or i swear i'm gonna go crazy #if you're wondering about the kim line #he says he is 43 and planning to live to see 70 #when harry wants to climb up that rusty fire ladder to the building ruby's hiding in #and i dont know why #but that line just hits me so fucking hard

[needylittlegirl]

i think more people who arent like ceos or neurosurgeons or insane professionals should talk about where they were at certain points in life because Brother i have no clue where im supposed to be rn !!!

#i dont know why this just hit me So hard randomly #usually i dont feel like this unless ive been overthinking for a few hours this came out of nowhere #i will not cry at work ‼️ #tbd

[boatemboys]

unpleasant mob shows up at your door

#ok ok so #someone who actually knows this mfing game TELL ME WHY THE VEX SPAWNS ARE SO FUCKED #minecraft #milgramblr smp #soz forgot tags ANYWAY #EASY MODE server. EASY. #me and moon are easily being chased by like 20 VEXES AT ALL TIMES #granted they dont hit hard but for some reason i thought easy capped the vex spawning???? #i mean idc it was funny #jasper speaks

[janujaja]

:)

:))))

:)

This scene and these three dialogues are so important to me.

#Gun wanted tinn to know how much he means to him #GUN SAID EYE ON ME BICH DONT TURN UR FACE AWAY M DECLARING MY UNDYING AFFECTION AND WARMTH THAT I HAVE FOR YOU TO YOU #no but seriously i just love how gun found it so necessary that tinn looks at him #it was such a phrase we all say irl #this ep has hit me a bit hard and the post ep sadness is hitting me HARDER IDEK WHY #to think i have to wait a week more to see my bois #my school president series #my school president the series #my school president #tinngun #thai drama

[skyburger]

"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die

#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf #because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game... #to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series #anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know. #well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years #fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself #but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary #and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS #so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it! #anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post #MY POINT HERE. my point here #IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY #its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again #and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w #she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all #and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations) #so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭 #my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only #anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level #and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game. #this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change #anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat! #imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level #I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post #anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today #scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died #muffin mumbles

[hella1975]

something specifically shitty about IN THE MOMENT as the conversation is happening knowing you're in the wrong and you're being a cunt and continuing to do it anyway

#like yeah im being a bitch. im lashing out because of an insecurity. i dont know how else to be though #hiiii im dadposting again <3 i feel bad bc YES i have so so much bitterness towards my dad #but he is genuinely a nice man. like i had this thought the other night that he is such a good kind soft man. he just isn't a good father #and the tragedy is he COULD HAVE BEEN if he'd just SHOWED UP but he DIDNT and that's that im twenty childhood's gone #we're never getting those years back my brain has developed without a need for him and now im angry. whatever #but he's still good. he's still kind. so he'll do stuff to try help me and i just am so horrid about it #and i FEEL myself doing it i literally have a voice in my head going 'i know you've interpreted this as him condescending you #but you know that isn't the case so stop lashing out' and i literally CANT because id rather be angry than insecure #bc it all goes back to pride and shame with me EVERYTHING always does #like im so convinced my dad thinks im stupid and useless and can't do anything myself at my big age etc #which is why im SO hard on myself when shit goes wrong like not just bc of my dad like i have a general fleabagesque position in my family #of being the trainwreck one that fucks up all the time so when shit goes wrong (like my rent or my walls) it hits me 10x harder #than it logically should bc i can just FEEL my dad and sister going 'yeah well that's hella for you' #and my dad got the autistic ticky boxy numbers brain neurodivergence and i got the adhd scatterbrained neurodivergence #so for admin stuff he tries to PARENT me bc he's my DAD but i just completely reject it even though i KNOW he's not being mean #like he literally just said to me in his nervous as fuck voice bc he doesn't know how to talk to us #'remember to sort phone chargers out because the sockets are different in america' that's it. that's all he said. just looking out for me #tell me why i BARKED OUT 'i KNOW dad it's MY TRIP stop hounding me about things ive got it sorted' #in the SHITTIEST tone you ever heard. ugh i cant even be too angry at myself bc he has blame here too but it's a shitty feeling #to know i always have that propensity for cruelty even now. idk. im just thinking thoughts idkkkk hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii #hella goes home

[crystalpallette]

my best friend, onstage ringo, who I spent every last one of my magic gems on and pulled exactly zero of

#puyo puyo #ringo ando #my art #anyway i was (machine) translating her flavor text and monologue lines that were on nexus #and one of them said 'im getting closer to my dream' and augh i was just so emotional about it. i stayed up til 2 am to draw this #(then i went to bed and finished it this morning) #and also like i love you girl but why the hell has your guitar only got three strings #do you know how hard it is to try and draw proper guitar chords and you gotta hit me with 'theres only three strings here actually' #anyway i tried to make it an a chord (shes an a girl and also its one that only requires 3 strings) but i dont know how well that turned ou #its also dual shift because i love her mega form from 7? i was looking at ds/ep change for a bit but i decided on dual shift for this one #maybe ill draw a ds/ep ringo next time! #my stuff

[little-shiny-sharpies]

“Hm it’s been almost a year since I fixated on Kalec and Wrathion.. maybe I’m not gonna feel the same way about them really soon. What if I stop feeling happy when I hear their voices the next time?”

*Clicks on Kalec*

“It’s good to see you again. :]”

#I LOVE HIMMMMM 😭 HOW CAN I PLAY MY GAME IF ALL I WANT TO DO IS IDLE NEXT TO THWM AND GEAR THEIR LINESSSS 😭 #THE WAY HE SAYS IT SO SOFTLY IM SOBBING NOW I DONT KNOW WHY ITS HITTING DIFFERENT TONIGHT I LOGGED IN A FEW DAYS AGO AND DIDNT CLICK HIM #BUT I WAS JUST QUESTING IN THE AZURE SPAN AND POPPED BY B4 I WENT TO SLEEP AND ITS HITTING ME SO HARD #HES SO SOFT AND SWEET AND HE WOULD NEVER HURT ME AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BABY I LOVE YOUHUHUUU 😭 😭💙😭💙💙😭😭😭😭💙😭 #💙✨this must be magic✨💙 #shiny speaks

[hellhoundlair]

venting sorry. i get emotional thinking of the media both me and my dad loved growing up and the father daughter bonds that were the highlights of those movies and tv shows to him and i feel like i failed

#my dad and i used to watch adventure time together and my dad LOVED simon and marcy and he learnt daddy why did you eat my fries on the #guitar and i used to sing it with him. and one time when i was 14 ish and severely depressed and anxious we had people over #and my dad was talking about adventure time lmao and was getting his guitar and wanted me to sing it with him and i just said NO. #because i was mad at him. and embarassed. and we never sung it together ever again. its been too long now. that window has closed. #but i wish we could #my relationships with my dad never really recovered after my teen years and its hard to talk to him. #i wish i could talk to him. we are really similar. in the bad ways too #vent #SORRY GUYS i need to find a therapist #my family just never talks abt their feelings. or when they do its when theyre angry. i dont feel like i can bring this up to them. #i just hate knowing i rejected my dad like that. he probably saw me not wanting to sing w him as very personal. not that hed ever say it #AND FUCKIN INTERSTELLAR me and my dad both loved interstellar at a time when i was -again- severely depressed and locking myself in my room #and the father and daughter go have scenes that feel very similar to things that were going on in my house at the time. where shes #baracading the door and not letting people in. it rly hit home is what im saying #and my dad loved the movie i loved it too but the family relationships in the movie were never discussed whenever we talked abt it #but for christmas one year my dad gave me a watch. like the one fuckin matthew mcconoughey give his daughter in the movie #and i wear it all the time. it makes me fuckin cry sometimes that stupid fucking watch. but it means so much. #i just wish hed talk abt his fucking feelings so i wouldnt need a watch to know my dad still loves me #also this post is about transitioning and my dad feeling like he lost that father daughter bond with me but we wont get into all that

[jvpiterstears]

this is going to be pointless for me to write, because i’m not in source anymore, but i really feel like i need to say it nonetheless.

i am sorry. truly. i’ve done and said things that were never necessary or called for and many people dislike me for it. i was a bad person to both of them, i will admit that. but i want to make things better. i grew up thinking that manipulation was the way to go, that if i made something go my way i would be happy, but i was wrong about that. i had two documented chances and sever un-documented chances to fix myself and make my life right again and each time i failed. i lied to myself so much that i lied to others, which was what brought me to where i ended up being. scrapped letters, old friends that hated me, and a life that i tried so hard to survive by myself in.

i know sorry isn’t enough for what i did to mic and pickle in source, but i want to apologize either way.

-🌮

#written with sorrow by a taco inanimate insanity alter #i really hope this doesnt reach the wrong people #i dont really want that much interaction or audience on this i just needed to write this #inanimate insanity #ii taco #ii pickle #ii microphone #ii mic #i dont know why im tagging this #osdd system #i feel horrible about what i did to them in source #i hurt them so bad #theres no turning back after what i said #i just wish i could tell them how much i cared about them #i loved them so much it hurts that people villianize me for what happened #please dont negatively comment on my relationship with mic or pickle negatively i do genuinely care about them a lot #they mean so much to me i just want them to see im trying to be better #im trying so hard to be better #it hurts to see people hate on simple interaction between me and either of them #im gonna stop venting in tags before i hit the limit or something

[nyctoheart]

I suggested my friend (new KH player) streams Days before KH2 but I also warned him I'm in the far minority and there might be a little backlash

#IN MY DEFENSE! #These are all the things he said he's been spoiled on: ''Roxas exists because Sora became a heartless'' (he didn't use the term Nobody) #he knows about ''Organization XIII and how they all have X's in their names'' (once again didn't say Nobody) #and that ''Ansem is a bald guy but also not.'' and while he hasn't reached KH1 Hollow Bastion yet-- #he HAS been reading the Ansem Reports he's collected so far. #so 1. he already knows that Ansem's identity is sus af; so I think he WON'T be that confused when he realizes Xemnas is Ansem with an X etc #2. Roxas's twist is the main reason I've seen people say ''play KH2 before Days'' but he ALREADY knows that pretty much #I die on the hill that knowing Roxas Xion AND Axel's emotional story arcs will make KH2 hit SOOO HARDDD #like could you imagine watching Axel die KNOWING what happens in Days!!! UGH!!!!! #Like I really just don't understand why people say play KH2 before Days. #they always yell ''just play release order! it's not that hard!'' but that's such a shallow reason to me #WHAT ABOUT THE EMOTIONAL CONTEXT !!!!!!! #*shakes you by your shoulders* WHAT ABOUT THE WEIGHT OF KNOWING EVERYONE FORGOT XION AND THEY DONT EVEN CARE!!!!