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sea-buns · 5 months

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Forgive me if I'm a bit nervous about Gorgug this season. It's just that the last Zac Oyama pc was Colin Provolone, who was arguably one of his greatest D20 performances, if not the greatest.

Zac always does great with every pc he plays, but Colin was something else. He came out swinging with actions and words that were teeming with unspoken emotional baggage. The way Colin's presence affected the other pcs; there was this level of depth that I don't think I've seen in any of his other characters. It was understated and quiet in that signature "just a guy" way that he tends to be, while still captivating everyone instantly with just how raw it was.

Not to say we haven't seen emotional depth in Gorgug. It's just that, compared to the other Bad Kids, Gorgug's journey and progression as a character has been very... impersonal? Like, yes, he found his birth parents, and he found friends who appreciate him, and he faced his insecurities about his intelligence, and he navigated relationship troubles, and his trial through the claustrophobic bug-tunnels was a horrifically-uncanny parallel to how he's spent his entire life trying to make himself as small as possible.

But how much of that has actually changed him from the Gorgug we started with? I would agree that he's definitely happier with his life, given all the loving and supportive people that have been added to it when it used to be just him and his parents. And he's certainly grown into himself and become more self-assured in his abilities, even if he's still, and always will be, our anxious little guy. And there's nothing wrong with that. I've always liked how Gorgug was a representation of all the little things. The subtle acts and kindnesses that don't seem like much to most, but to some are everything.

We don't need another Bad Kid living in fear that their mouth could be shit-in at any moment. We've already got one-too-many.

All that being said, I just feel like Gorgug's personal story beats are much easier to sweep under the rug than everyone else's. He has the same soft and understated quality that Colin held, but they lack that extra oomph that pushed Colin over the edge from being just another guy in a series of dudes, to a character that the vast majority of us could not get out of our heads. He took someone who was anxious and softspoken, who ultimately never wanted to be violent— someone who is remarkably similar to Gorgug in many ways— and maintained that demeanor and core in Colin's character while still hitting us in the feels with character development at max velocity at every turn.

I think Zac gets better and better at this with every season that goes by. With each new character, there is always something that leaves me stunned in awe. And it's been, what, three? Four years since we last saw Gorgug?

I'm just,,, I'm cautiously optimistic but also going into a bit of a worry about what violence this man may inflict upon us

#i got SO carried away LMAO #i dont think ive ever written any posts about gorgug specifically #i made a lot about colin. and some about pib. and some more about zacs performances in general.#but never anything gorgug-focused. i just wasnt on tumblr at those other times that hed been on my mind like this #you can tell i still couldnt resist talking about colin lol #he was just so fucking good. a fantastic character all around. i cant imagine a better example to get my point across than him #when i do posts like this its all very much just me taking a vague idea and working with whatever comes out in the moment #so when i tell you i very much did not plan to get lost in the counterargument and had to stop for a second to remember what my point was #my point still stands but so does everything else #you dont realize it. how similar gorgug and colin really are. or how metaphorical the bug tunnel was.#or how gorgug IS the epitome of little details. small acts. quiet rights and wrongs. the faint causes and the even subtler effects.#u dont truly realize it until youre writing it yourself in a free flow fugue state and it all comes to a halt cuz youve blown your own mind #anyway i love gorgug and i love zac pcs and i hope this post makes sense cuz finding the right words was fucking hard hah #dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fantasy high sophomore year #fhsy #gorgug thistlespring #the ravening war #trw #colin provolone #zac oyama

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unmanageably · 2 months

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klay speaks with so much vulnerability and care it really saddens me when people liken him to a selfish egotistical guy who only cares about himself lol it's actually crazy. like say whatever you want about his game but to just blatantly lie and not care to listen to anything he actually has to say??? idk especially from fans and local commentary like this dude has been on your team since the beginning of this dynasty, has given everything-- his whole career, two injuries up for this team. and you still don't know where his heart lies or who he is?

all this talk about how he only cares about money when time and time again he's only shown the care and love he has for the team, his teammates, and even just the bay area in general and building a home there and in the organisation.

#not to mention when everything was going on last year people tried to blame HIM and said he didn't give a fuck about any of the rookies #and that he was Jealous of the rookie players etcetc #meanwhile he always takes the time to praise them and rookies have consistently talked about how helpful and open hei s #lmao..#sorry just saw some of the klay/draymond podcast and got very emotional #klay's vulnerability in his answer abt dray's ejection-- i dont think dray expected that answer from him either and i really hope draymond #took it to heart #anyway i love them so much #PLEASE one more ring and i wont ask for anything else ever...

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braywashed · 9 months

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I think the thing that's fucking with my brain the most is the separation of fact and fiction because it's like... we spent years being told that Bray was this unkillable character that would always come back no matter what, and now it's just like...I have to remind myself that in reality he was just a normal guy, it's weird.

It's..... yeah.

Okay - I'm gonna get real wordy and wax poetically and I'm so sorry I'm incapable of just talking and crying like a normal person.

It's like a big old layered burrito of denial on all fronts, right?

Because on the surface, we have a guy who was so young, and that seems so hard to get past in itself. We also have the fact that he was prone to injury at points and disappearing for... months at a time. He had been released and came back, what, a year later? In the meantime there were always a billion headlines with his name, speculating the worst, and it never had any accuracy or mattered. We were always *looking forward* to him returning and he always inevitably did because he had half his career ahead of him still and it always seemed like the best was to come.

And we have all these stories of what a beautiful person he was, a side we roughly knew of but never got to really experience ourselves as an audience.

But the person we saw was, as you said, this unkillable character. Literally unkillable. He told us from day one he could never die and would persist 5000 years from now when *we* were all gone. Because he was this personification of all the darkest bits of humanity and American society come to force us to face our sins. We watched him, silly as it was, get burned alive and come back a shambling heap of melting flesh and be completely restored. He was forever, he was a god, you could always find him and you could never, ever kill it.

And like, as fans, we kindle that kid in us that wants to believe in superheros and villains and we grow over the years with them. We go to events, and we sing his songs, and we thrust ourselves into that role ourselves of characters in a way. Like we were always *his*. Even if you didn't love him, you played into that for his entrance at the very least because it was such an undeniable experience. He talked and you, and every babyface, listened - whether you wanted to or not.

I'll never forget that one match on Raw, still early on, when the whole crowd was first singing "He's got the whole world in his hands" and just swaying, and then turning around and chanting "Bray is gonna kill you." Like, I remember Big E was in that match, and I'm pretty sure he was on the receiving end of that chant. He was over. He was beloved. And the whole crowd was singing hymns and calling for his demise for this literal cult leader that would speak in tongues and Exorcist walk across the ring, holding his heart and smiling with some masked sinister joy at it.

It's really really hard to reconcile he's not actually some biblical force of nature looming over everything and everyone even though we know better. And like, that fan in me that's that eternal kid in a way, is just stomping my feet screaming "but he CAN'T die!"

The end of Smackdown did, and still is, really fucking me up because I kept waiting for the lantern to go out. And like, I couldn't decide if I wanted that. Because on one hand, there's a symbolism there, and a kind of sad beauty, in the light going out. He was with us, and he's gone now, and he can rest (ahahaha I'm going to start crying again). The light fades. But ultimately I'm so glad it didn't go out because A.) I don't think I could've fucking handled it and was already bawling, and B.) It shouldn't go out. Or fade. His spirit of everything he brought to that world should stay with us and with every single performer who goes out there every night and throws their hearts into playing these characters.

And like... maybe, even though it's so hard now, maybe eventually there's comfort to be found in the idea that even though the vessel is gone - *He* will, somehow, always be there haunting us. Because "I have a thousand faces and a million names." We might not see him, but we can choose to believe every time a hero is forced to face their fears that he's there behind it - silently whispering into our ears, willing us on to indulge in every second of it.

#this is dumb maybe #i guess on a less dramatic note anon #i cant remember where it was - probably jo's instagram #there was a pic of them together and he was wearing those stupid glasses he wore in that last segment for the bobby feud #the ones with the gold side frames that look like he stole them from someones mom #like no homie really had those glasses #and i had this moment of like 'oh god he's such a fucking dad for real'#i dont think anything ever threw me through a loop more than that lmao #like 'no i need to repress this imagery immediately i can't believe the eater of worlds looks like someones quirky uncle at the bbq'#now its like im glad for that stuff and the stories and pics and videos etc because it makes me smile seeing that side of him and how he #touched so many people and made people so happy to be around #but it doesnt help the confusion of it all or make it make any more sense #and i have this awful feeling a year from now im still going to be waiting for him to pop up #feeling lonely because no one else is talking about him anymore #oh it got dramatic again im a dumbass im shutting up now

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bangcakes · 5 months

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#personal #im like so happy rn. but also terrified #bc like. uh. gotta go back to the real world of having a job after bein in school for 3 years DNDNJDNDNDNDN #and also like. my boy problem. like NDJFJDJDJJDJDJDJD #big transitions oml #i can only do 1 thing at once and like so sorry to me but the job search thing is kinda taking a back seat NFNDDJFN #OH I HATE TO SAY IT. AS LIKE. A USUALLY CAREER DRIVEN PERSON BUT..................#JDJDJDJDJDJDDDJDNDNDNDNDND I CANT EVEN SAY IT............#but rn ya. my priorities.... im ashamed NDNNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNNDDNDND #but.... HHHHHHHHHHH its the more fun thing so !!!!!!!!!#but gah..... i also am like takin a break bc its like christmas n who the fuck is looking to hire rn lmao #the time between xmas n new years isnt real so !!!!#and also !!! i think i deserve a break after 4 months of non stop work !!!!!!!!!!#also like the faster i resolve my boy problem the easier itll be to focus #on job searching ?????#or like god i guess i could do both. my mom keeps being like.... youre both looking for jobs... why dont you ask him to do it together NDN #um.... 1. hes my competition LMAO. we literally had the same gpa down to the decimal #(tho this may no longer be the case bc we got our grades for the semester n mine went up. idk the state of his. would be fuckin funny if it #was still the same tho JDJDJFJDJ)#and 2..... LOL ID RATHER DO LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE WITH HIM........#god idk where this post is going. but 1. i wished him merry christmas and he answered back with a 'merry christmas 😄' which !!!@@@#from a reserved/grumpyish guy...... im just kind of like NDNNDNDNDNDND IDK. IDKKKKK. LIKE IM HAPPY ???? BUT IM ALSO LIKE FREAKED OUT ??????#i dont think i'll be able to deal if he actually likes me back #and 2. i like have a draft message of like. asking him to hang out JJDJDJDNDNDM #if youve been following these posts.. maybe u remember me askin him if he wants to keep in touch with me n our mutual friend and he said #he would. so that friend is like. going away for a month and like ok lets be real. if i have to wait until feb to see him i'll um Die JDJJD #so i have a message planned. IDK WHEN IM GONNA SEND IT. BUT IT WILLLL GET SENT. I JUST.... HHHHHHH I HAVE TO GET THE NERVE....#but .... ya idk i hope he says yes but i'll also get if he says no. may be awks just the two of us. maybe we're not ready LMAO IDK. ive bee #alone with him maybe like. 30 mins max. and like the convo keeps going but there are pauses. IDK. maybe i should stop thinking and go to be

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coridallasmultipass · 8 days

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Personal vent post, how I tag things, apologies for this probably showing up in search results because I'm not censoring words (do not have the spoons rn)

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So I'm getting really frustrated (at the situation, not at individual people! Sorry to vague right after getting a request, I was gonna make this post like a week ago) that multiple people have asked me not to tag Bro/Cal reblogs as Stridercest.

Stridercest does not mean incest, it means Strider/Strider relationship. I'm tagging it for followers who don't want to see Strider/Strider at all (or for those who do, too, I guess). On MY blog, it has NO bearing on whether or not something is incest. Lil Cal has been a Strider since Day 1 to me, way before any of the events after Act 6, as a pure vanilla puppet. A Strider by marriage, in my opinion. But I'm not opposed to calculating the amount of Strider that got put in Lil Cal, as I've done before. You also have Dirk/Hal which is also Stridercest, but not incest (at least in canon, sometimes it is incest in fan depictions). Or Guardiancest, which I don't think counts as incest in canon either (but usually always is in fan depictions). Even selfcest between one Strider (beta!Dave/beta!Dave in a time travel situation, for example) is still gonna be Stridercest to me.

The ONLY Stridercest I add the specific ship tag for is Bro/Cal, because that's otp5eva for me, separate from any other Strider stuff (Stridercest probably doesn't even make top 3 HS ships for me). Everything else only gets the blanket Stridercest in reblogs, because I already tag a lot, I don't have the energy to add nuanced tags for weird Strider situations, and whether or not that constitutes incest, or which version of a character it is, especially when the artist/authors don't usually make the difference explicitly stated in their own caption/tags, and sometimes it's vague on purpose! (I'm currently writing a fic where Bro and Dirk are the same person! I'm not gonna make the distinction a big deal.)

It's mostly frustrating because then I have to decide if untagging the relationship as Stridercest is going to make someone else following me uncomfortable who will then see it untagged.

Going forth, I am going to delete whatever reblog I made if I get this request from someone else again. I'm trying to remember names, so I don't reblog any future content that would conflict with their requests, but this has already happened with three people in like the past two weeks. Had to block one person for telling me to die because I tagged "Stridercest" on the post preventatively, as usual, because I care about tagging for my followers. (I literally checked their blog like 3 times to make sure they didn't have a DNI pinned, and I still got told to die for my efforts lmao.)

Literally, please just DM me privately (thank you to the other people who did, sorry for the trouble!), and I will either delete the reblog, or block you if you request that. I'm not TRYING to make people uncomfortable, which is the whole reason why I tag it to begin with.

So, I'm not un-tagging shit anymore, it's delete only from now on. I'm not going against my own blog rules I set both to try and accommodate my followers, and to make searching my blog easier for myself. (Used to not tag anything from like 2011-2016 or later, and I'm still in the process of back-tagging everything, since it's been so frustrating to find old fandom posts.)

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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Do you think Aoki's going to spend 6.8 quintillion years in Buddhist Hell instead of 3.4 because Arakawa was both

i think he gets 3.4 but only on the technicality he didn't kill anyone directly otherwise Yeah 🥰

#snap chats #do you think thats a thing thats judged in limbo #like youre just waiting anubis's weighing your heart or whatever (ik we're talkin buddhism but bear with me)#and its just like 'ok /i/ didnt inflict harm on the flesh alright. i just told someone else to do it. and then they didnt even do it.'#LIKE YOU THINK LMAO NO IMAGINE THE FUCKIN JUDGE LOOKIN AT THAT SHIT #like 'i mean TECHNICALLY you didnt do anything but you still called for it..... and it still happened... on coincidence...'#second-degree-murder type of charge in the afterlife im fucking cackling 😭☠️☠️☠️#BUT IN REALITY WHAT THE. WHO CARES BETWEEN X QUINTILLION YEARS OR Y QUINTILLION YEARS #'would you rather saw an arm off or a leg off' GIRL BOTH OPTIONS SUCK #the universe aint even quintillion years old yet bro ass gonna be there A WHILE REGARDLESS ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️#but its back to the whole 'labeling crimes specifically just for the fun of it' yeah <3 6.8 quintillion years in the death cabin <3 #for killing your mom dad 😭😭😭😭#i have GOT to stop mentioning the death cabin but it was one of the first things i learned about #and its my favorite thing to say like HORRIBLE outcome. no hell scares me more than buddhist hell #but hilarious term Youre Going To The Skinning Cabin #wait dont look im talking bout funger again i just watched more mates play it #but damn hilarious coincidence that skin granny's in a cabin... i know that's nordic mythos but still....#i think every culture deserves a cabin where you get your skin ripped off. as a shared horror yk

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oflgtfol · 2 years

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everyones all like wah i have wrist problems bc im an #Artist yeah well waht about ganglion cysts. Wheres my ganglion cyst gang at

#brot posts #i think this is the first time i puvlicly said whats wrong with me. lmao #and even then i have a weird version of it that like nobody else has 😔#everybody else can get a diagnosis instantly bc the cysts are very obviously visible outside #but not me baby it took me four doctors appointments and an MRI in both wrists to get a diagnosis #bc mine are so small and embedded deep inside #which also means that they tore my ligaments and caused so much more pain than normal ganglion cysts should (:#i was essentially walking around with chronically sprained wrists for like four years #i say was cuz i think the cysts have finally disappeared since i dont have flareups nearly as much/as bad as i used to #so whenever my wrists act up nowadays i think its probably just the. yknow. longterm side effects of having 4 year long sprains #i cant know for sure without another MRI and its been years since i last got one (for the initial diagnosis) so like. lol. whatever #wait i also had x rays done before the MRI. they obviously did not find anything in the x rays but i think i should mention that #they also had me get bloodwork done to test if i had LUPUS like #it took fucking forever to get a diagnosis it was wild 😭

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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#earlier today u was staring up at the roof if a wooden pavilion thinking abt hsrm's body corroded and rotting with water damge #and i wanted to do one last big drawing before i leave tomorrow but i took too long and tomorrow ive gotta prep to leave so >:-(#im not bringing my pens so i cant color anything and ill prob b too tired and busy anyway #idk how much internet access ill have #but i will draw. maybe some cursed hsrm horrors. maybe #idk im slightly worried abt how itll go bc this just hasn't been a v good year #and ive got 16hrs in the car 1 way with 2 ppl #idk how we'll fill that time. usually i try to talk the whole way thru to make myself a good co piolet bc im too #neurotic to drive but that's v exhausting and i do worry abt the things ill say #bc i dont have much of a filter #and we're collecting these samples that r gonna make my life agony later this year #but ill b nice to see somewhere else #hopefully i wont start losing my mind #but idk i also have ti share a room with my boss on the way up. which is fine shes cool but also i get extremely stressed abt #sleeping around ppl. and idk what the housing conditions at the place r so.... hhhh i guess we'll find out.#its only like 9 days or something?#that seems like a long time. ill probably have at least one meltdown #last big sampling thing i very quietly had a panic attack in a restaurant lmao #hhhh i should sleep. but i dont wanna. i just wanna draw and not think and roll around in the dirt #unrelated

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rayvern-sheep · 10 days

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Update on my mental health: I am doing better! Just in case anyone read those concerning posts the past few weeks and was worried.

I have kinda long-winded advice sorta shit under the cut if you are thinking of top surgery but know you don’t deal w/ change well, or have got it but are wondering why you still feel like shit weeks later when everyone else seems to feel better. And then some more rambling in the tags if you’re into that sorta thing.

Oh boy it’s long under the cut… Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Some advice: if you have a hard time w/ big change, small change, any kind of change. Be prepared to have a hard time w/ top surgery recovery. The general consensus if you research it is that post-op depression is over by abt the fourth week, and that is actually deemed late by some sources. Many said the second or third week. If you are starting to feel worse after that point it does not mean you made a mistake! Don’t panic!

Even though I wrote several notes to myself before the procedure explaining that I did in fact want this, and I know I am bad w/ change, that did not help me when I was in the pits of a doom spiral. I’m ngl that was genuinely the worst I’ve been mentally in years. I had to ring a suicide hotline at one point because I thought I’d lost the point of life. Talk to someone you trust abt how you’re feeling. I just straight up sobbed into my mum’s shoulder abt how I didn’t understand anything anymore and I was terrified I’d made a mistake getting surgery. She talked me through it and reminded me that I’d wanted this for years, that I didn’t go outside w/out a binder on, etc. She reminded me that everyone deals w/ things at different times, just because most ppl feel perfectly fine by the one month mark it doesn’t mean I would. Then after that I just hung out w/ her. The day after that we went and did some chores outside the house. A little time outside is often a good idea, I do regret to inform you.

I’m not gonna say I’m all fixed and perfect now. I’m still low energy and back to hiding in my baggy hoodies (now I can get them on again yippee!!!) but I’m not pushing myself rn. And I wish I had some good advice other than idk have a good system of loved-ones. If you have a therapist talk to them. Don’t be like me and bottle shit up. I’m so good at bottling shit up that I do not notice smthn is getting bad until I’m at the very bottom of the fucking doom spiral and I look up and see how far I fell down it lmao.

I wrote a whole diff paragraph but deleted it. Better version though is just try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Surgery is exhausting, and feeling burned-out even after a month isn’t smthn to be ashamed of. Just focus on keeping yourself sane. If possible take it easy, do things half-assed and low-effort for a while if you can get away w/ it. Just while you mentally catch up to your new stuff.

For some ppl top surgery “fixes” all their problems, but for most it does not. Whatever mental or physical problems you had before surgery, you will still have. Now, my surgeon literally told me surgery would not fix everything. I knew this before going into this, before I even had my first conversation with him, and I still had a bad fucking time mentally. So don’t expect to feel perfect. I was in a weird surreal bubble for the first like 3(?) weeks where I was just physically recovering before my head fucking lost it.

I don’t wanna put anyone off, and tbh worrying abt how bad you’re gonna feel can be a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I just wanna say that it can get rough. But if it does, you are not alone!!! You’ve not ruined your life, it’s not the end of the world, you still have something to live for. Keep pushing through, take it slow, talk to someone you trust. Try to do things that comfort you and help you feel safe. You’re gonna get through it.

Idk man I just wanted to share my experience on this. Because in my frantic research from the bottom of the pit all I could see were smiling faces saying they felt the best they’d ever felt in their life. It was euphoria all day every day. And the only ppl who weren’t feeling perfect were the ppl unhappy w/ their results. But the thing is I love my results, everything looks as expected. It’s literally how I drew it lmao, couldn’t have gone better. Not to brag sorry. But the point was, nothing was wrong physically. The majority of the physical healing was done, but my brain hadn’t been healing at all during that time. It was just putting itself to the side while the body did it’s thing. And when even proper medical sources are saying that ppl usually start to feel mentally better after the fourth week, and I was actually starting to feel shitty by that point, it rlly made me worry smthn was wrong. I was frantically trying to blame something for what I was feeling. And it was likely a whole mess of shit, with the main culprit being my inability to process change. Dude I freak out when a loved-one gets a tattoo or a piercing or changes their fucking hair. I wish I was joking, but I’m not. It stresses me out. And although I always get over it eventually, I should’ve known that this was gonna happen. After those early weeks of the itchy haze, I totally should’ve known a mental spiral was on the horizon. But I was just so lost in the sauce that was the whole experience.

I would not change the experience of top surgery for the world. I only wish I’d been more prepared for the dive my mental health would take so late in the game. I expected post-op depression. But as I said that’s usually only in the first couple of weeks. So when it didn’t happen I thought I was okay. But oooooo boy. I forgot how slow my brain is at processing shit. And hey, if I did “make a mistake” in getting my tits chopped off. If in the future I’m like “Hey I’m a woman now!” then so fucking what. There are titless women out there, and they’re no less woman than a woman w/ tits so big they break her back. Life is for living so fucking do that. I’ve not butchered or ruined my body even if my gender does change in the future. Get rekt transphobes.

ANYWAY… I think I’ve rambled enough. If I remember smthn I’ll prob add it in a RB cos this post is already long enough now. Thank fuck for the “read more” function. So I can hide all my stupid mushy shit under here and not clog up someone’s dash. Yippee!!

#shut up ray #after four days in a row of crying and doom spiraling and feeling like an alien in a strangers body whilst also lost at sea #i finally fucking talked to my mum abt how i’d been feeling #i think i was overwhelmed #thats the short version of it #im not gonna go into every individual piece of that fucking nightmare jenga tower #but boy did it topple quite spectacularly #suffice to say i do not regret top surgery #IBS still sucks ass but im not ready to kms over it just yet #and i do actually still have shit to live for #change is fucking terrifying #its also scary when you’ve been looking forward to getting smthn for YEARS #youve been single-mindedly fixated on getting this thing for abt a year #unable to think abt mucn else as you prep for it #then you get it and youre sorta still in that surreal haze while your body heals #after that though its like ‘wtf so i do now???’#i was feeling a LOT of that #and it rlly hurt tbh #id been so focused on getting top surgery i couldnt think of anything else i wanted in life #i thought ‘welp… thats it i guess’#its not tho is the thing #im only 23 lmao there is so much i can still do #even w/ a chronic illness its not the end of the world #i do feel like i need to look into getting checked for some other mental problems but ehhhhh #i dont have the energy #okay even the main post got WAY longer than i though it would….#hope it helps someone?#it is now 1 in the morning and I’m still writing this aslsjkdsjdh

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snekdood · 6 months

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my culture is midwestern emo

#i mean what else could it be #midwestern emo who hangs out in forests #so midwestern stoner emo #do americans have a culture? do we get to claim to have a culture? bc it seems like a mishmash of stuff really #wait no.#my culture is dog culture. fr.#midwestern emo stoner dog culture.#thats me right there.#im at the intersection of midwestern emo and stoner dog #and my anthem is obviously boulevard of broken dreams #what counts as american culture #is culture just all the stuff i care about? bc then i dont think everyone else shares the same culture with me #what is american culture to the point that it could apply to every single person who's lived here for like 20 years #i think growing up in the suburbs has greatly effected my view of american culture or lack thereof #i think most of the actual CULTURE culture is anywhere bu the suburbs. the most i get is like. idk. i got a good connection w the #trees n stuff in the area.... thats about it #no town squares. just some parks. lots of strip malls- everywhere. parking lots. forests. grassy areas. businesses. houses....#the most we get is like going to parks and smoking weed in the woods. and thats barely anything if you're someone who doesnt even #care about other plants than pot lmao. other than that we have houses and ig the different ways we express ourselves #ig we do fireworks a lot?? for like......... stupid occasions......................

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milf-louis · 1 year

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#this is a rant #x #this has been the worst academic year for me ever lmao i need it to end so badly #just submitted an assignment that is sooo bad I cringe just thinking about it #and ofc I turned it in late. it was the stupidest thing ever but i still managed to do bad #i try to reassure myself with words like yeah! it’s ok this is just not your strength! you’re good at something else!#but even then i feel like im lying to myself #procrastination is my worst enemy and it Killed me this year lol #I barely got anything done completely. did little to no homework #i guess that explains why even when I study for a test the night before #i still dont get a good grade #anyway idk i like to think that if i had done at least half of the homework and daily studying that i should’ve done I would be in a better #position. that I would get academic validation #it’s almost over anyways but I’ll try and do everything i can for my finals. and then im free #and im gonna do better in general for next year #felt good to let that out <3

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thecherrygod · 1 year

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hm

#my posts #well hi hello you sorta know the drill!! making this so that if you read more its bc you clicked and its not my fault <3 #i am just probably being dramatic or overreacting or like. just not mentally alright lmao but whats new. the sun burns and water #makes thigns wet. anyways yeah i just saw a post that was like 'you spend all your childhood wanting to be an adult and once you-#-become one you regret wanting it' or something like that right?#and im sitting here like you guys wanted to become adults thats so wild to me. actually the post also said that its stronger when youre 17 #like. the only times i wanted to be an adult was when i was very small and got told 'youll get it when youre older' but other than that #i never wanted to stop being a kid and the more i grew up the more i sorta. hated it #being a teen was a nightmare and actually being 17/18 was so bad i was dreading it and you all desired it????#it probably has to do with the fact i spent all years since i was 12 going 'whatever ill kms before im 18. worst case scenario before im20'#but yeah no i cant believe people actually wanted to become adults. its. idk. i know im the odd one here which kinda makes it worst #so like. idk lmao it just hurts knowing people experienced things so different than i did. way better than i did #and that no matter what i cant really change that. i could try to live my best life since i stopped believing kms is a valid future plan #i still feel like theres.. something stopping me. like i am stuck as the kid that never wanted to grow up #and was never ready to deal with anything thats adult life. i guess. i just always feel very innadecuate?#like i shouldnt be living this life. like maybe there is something out there for me but t his isnt it really. but like.#i also dont think theres anything for me at the same time. like genuinely i wasnt meant to ever get older than a teen #..................... im. gonna get back to post anything else but i just wanted to get this out of me bc its. a lot lmao #man i need therapy

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iamthescalesofjustice · 2 years

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fairly recently i encountered some fnv content again and had a sudden jarring re-realization that fallout new vegas is an actual video game, which has been experienced by other people, and has an associated accompanying fandom, rather than, as i had subconsciously come to classify it, a peculiar sort of psychosis i experienced during the period between by father getting a stage 4 cancer diagnosis and the months after he died.

#cancer mention cw #genuinely i almost completely lost two years of memory surrounding these events #and the role that fmv played in my life during that time was. probably better described in terms of #horrifying yet transcendent psychological alchemy than anything else #it was not A Game I Got Into so much as a base ingredient and lens and catalyst for some eldritch emotional processes i was experiencing #the use of the word psychosis up there is flippant but not wrong. i do have a history of it and i was very much experiencing psychosis then #fnv wasnt The psychosis but it was a major factor in it at the time #iirc i think i avoided involving myself in the fandom bc both it and i were undergoing severe volatility #i barely had the resources to get a handle on my own problems let alone internet peoples problems #anyway several months after he passed i abruptly shut down all fnv related mental processes i could and then #well okay i did still lose the next several months after that as well barring a few scattered memories but i know i had like completely #forgotten it existed at all outside brief moments that were quickly lost #i guess its been enough time that the radiation levels attached to all that have gone enough to think about any of it again?#anyway i know everyone has a secret better version of it in their head But Also i did achieve the 49th level of awareness tho #my secret better version of fnv that lives in my head is so much better than the secretbetter versions of fnv that live in yalls heads etc #joking but very much it was a thing where others were honing their understanding and art by following known paths and clashing blades with #each other while i was in a pocket dimension of accelerated time with my arms cut off having to survive against beasts and shit #developing powers the old masters didnt think were possible like a shounen protag and all that lmao #anyway thats why ive only ever posted about like. pared down versions of 1.5% of whats ever gone through my head about fnv #i didnt want the radioactivity out there or for people who dont have the context to try interacting with me about it

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sonoyoung · 19 days

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— Fly away

nonidol!scoups x gn!reader | fluff + friends to lovers (lmao) | 0.8k | dent jusay - matt martians “He dont keep you satisfied but I’ll be here when you decide”

a/n. i think i'm manifesting with all the friends to lovers i'm writing, I swear I can write other tropes I'm just a little hyperfixated on the idea

“I know you” His voice echoed from the kitchen, the buzzing of the microwave filling the silent apartment. It was your average Saturday but Cheol was here, so it wasn’t so average, you got to see him about 3 times a year so it was actually a pretty rare Saturday.

You giggled in anticipation as he walked into the room bowl of popcorn in his hands, the look he gave you made you calm down immediately, he wasn’t done scolding you. He had been on it since he saw the text flash on your phone earlier in the afternoon, “You hate guys like that, you’ve said it every time you’ve complained about guys” you nod your head understandingly, he wasn’t wrong.

“I’m trying new things Cheol…” his brows furrow at you, the confusion is oozing on you at this point. You didn’t really have an explanation for your dear friend who knew you ultimately better than you knew yourself, things just lined up in this way and it wasn’t as bad as you had assumed it would be, “he’s really nice.”

Now he was laughing, that was fair, you didn’t really have anything else to justify yourself with, you give him a soft punch on the shoulder almost immediately regretting it forgetting how big he was under the oversized hoodie he covered himself in, a sharp pain ringing throughout your hand from the impact. He just shook his head as he watched you before turning back to you with a more serious expression, you already knew where it was going and you didn’t want it, standing up immediately from the couch walking to the other side of the room, “No Cheol”

He covered his mouth for a second, trying to hide his obvious amusement, his squinted eyes said it all, “This is on you, you know exactly how this is going to go.” You slammed your hands on your ears walking further away from his noise, once he stood up you knew it was going to get serious.

“Seungcheol please” you squeal as he took a couple steps towards you in your corner, he looked at you in disbelief “I can’t believe you’re doing all this” you shook your head in denial, pursing your bottom lips at him silently begging him to let you live in your delusion.

Now you were cornered, nowhere to run, no space for your eyes to wander, you looked up at him reluctantly, as much as you loved his advice, you were starting to feel out of luck. You knew he was just looking out for you but sticking to your dreams was exhausting because as much as you tried to hold on to your values, to stay in line with all the hopes you had of a future love, you kept getting slammed in the face. It almost felt like what you were looking for didn’t exist in this reality , that only the extremely lucky ones got a chance to taste that fairytale.

The look in his eyes was gentle, he couldn’t read your mind but whatever you had was close enough, he never intended to scold you or tell you your decision was wrong, he just hated seeing you undermine your aspirations. He knew your dreams, he knew how far you wanted to reach so he just couldn’t let you tie yourself to the ground when you were meant to be so up high.

“Listen—” simultaneously the words clashed bringing you both back to your familiar warmth, he nods his head at you kindly giving you the first word.

“I know you’re worried because I get all fantasy and wishful about love, but you know that’s all it is, a fantasy. If I get too unrealistic, I’ll just end up being alone.”

You can see the frown forming on his face as he listens to your words taking them into account, his lips part open for a second before immediately shutting close letting him take a deep breath to formulate his thoughts right.

“I want you to dream y/n, you’ve said you want to fly, I want you to fly.”

Had you been waiting to hear those words? Why did hearing them come with a wave of relief? Or was it just the fact that they came from a voice that you paired with that feeling?

You didn’t know how badly you wanted to hold on to that fantasy till you heard someone ask you to, someone wanted you to dream amidst all the chaos.

“Is he letting you fly?” a playful smirk dances on his lips, his head tilted to the side as he wonders. With a tight pout you shake your head looking down at his hands following them as they cup your cheeks forcing you to look back up at him,

“I’d let you fly, you can let go with me” you couldn’t help the way your eyes bounced between his, trying to catch a hint of a joke, a speck of comedy and yet. The thunder in your chest only getting more imposing as you realized how badly you wanted this, how this was always at the back of your mind whenever you were together, how you’ve always wanted him.

“I know you.”

ty for reading feedback is much appreciated

#seventeen #seventeen fluff #seventeen x reader #svt #svt fanfic #svt fluff #svt imagines #svt x reader #choi seungcheol #seungcheol x reader #seventeen seungcheol #seungcheol fluff #svt seungcheol #scoups x reader #scoups fluff #scoups

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hopelesslyromanticshark · 2 months

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HII okay so ik this is a bit of a weird request (or maybe im js rlly anxious rn for some reason??) BUT i was wondering if u could do like little head canons of Leo and a female reader who has like, a really deep country accent IYKWIM?? PLS N THANK U dont rush or anything js a small request🫶🫶

✮⋆˙ howdys, yeehaws, and cowgirls; leo valdez x western! daughter of apollo! reader blurb

content: leo valdez x western! daughter of apollo! reader blurb warning: lanauage and stereotyping (?) of texans but it's okay yall will get over it author's note: as someone from rural california (yes ive been trying to gaslight you guys into thinking i live on the beach when really it's three hours away stfu) and literally just went to a school sanctioned line dance that is quite literally more anticipated than prom, i feel more than qualified to answer this prompt lmao. ive seen a pair of cowboys more than once everyday my whole life. for FUN kids i know raise pigs and cows and lambs and shit and then sell them off at fairs. also do not stress bby, this wasn't a weird request at all! in fact it was so good i made a whole blurb lmao. ALEXA play my childhood country playlist, thank you miss girl. 10 year old me knew good music when she heard it okay, stfu. OH AND PLAY COWBOY CARTER WHILE YOUR AT IT YALL COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE BEYOUNCE LEAVE MY GIRL ALONE FRFR you just dont wanna admit the albums good smh

to say leo missed texas, would be a lie. there was a deep ache in his chest to just go home. it was a strange feeling, considering he couldn't remember the last time he was in that state, as the foster system was eager to drag him all over the country. he missed the sticky and dry heat, he missed the longhorn cows that always seemed to be in the roads, and what he missed most of all was whattaburger. him and will mourned the loss of the beloved food chain weekly, if not daily. but, he only ever mentioned these feelings around will and simply in passing. he didn't think people would understand why he missed the state who's accent he tried his best to rid himself of.

which is why, when news spread of a new camper from texas, leo was buzzing to meet them. what was failed to be mentioned in the rumors, though, was the fact that you were a girl and also drop dead gorgeous. he was staring at you in a way that would have his mother smacking him upside the head, cursing him out in spanish. it took a bit for him to introduce himself, his nerves allowing his accent to slip through occationally.

"are ya from texas?" you asked, eagerly, your eyes brightening in a way that had leo's knees buckling. your voice, oh gods, your voice-

"yeah," he breathed out, bordering on a coo as you cheered.

"finally! and here i thought there were no cowboys left in new york," you teased, poking his chest with a finger before someone from the hermes cabin was calling you over. you flashed him a smile brigther than the sun on a hot texas day and scampered off, your cowgirl booties with bows clanking to the beat of leo's heart as you went.

from that day forwards, it was hard to see you without leo close by. finally, someone else to talk to about texas. sure, will was great, but he was a busy guy with all his medical stuff and boyfriend. and your voice left leo like a fly to honey. it was sexy and got him hot and heavy. but, it was also a comforting dialect that had him thinking of childhood, sweet tea, and sweltering heat.

and then you were claimed by apollo, only a few days after your arrival. i guess apollo has a thing for cowgirls, and leo couldn't relate to the god more if he tried. leo was slightly worried that you'd turn out just like will, locked up inside the infirmary, destined only to share passing comments of missing real texan barbeque. but, then you came up to leo during lunch, blushing as you admitted that you fainted when kayla pressed the scalpel into your hand. and leo laughed, and silently thanked his lucky lone star.

then the more musically talented apollo kids caught wind of the fact that you sang in your church's choir as a kid and nearly blew the whole camp up in excitement. something about wanting to do a country performance for camp but never having a lead singer with the accent as they'd rather jump into the sea of monsters in speedos then listen to will attempt to sing. naturally, you were more than happy to sing, excitedly telling leo about the country songs you were picking out, even letting him request a few of his childhood favorites.

and as you were prancing around on that slapdash stage with your siblings, singing proudly into a mic with your accent clear as day, leo fell a little bit more in love with you every note. and he fell back in love with texas, too, and everything it meant to him - everything he knew it meant to his mom. every twang of your voice and every playful tip of your cowboy hat had him thinking of how much his mother would have loved you or how he had wished the two of you could have met. nevertheless, he was laughing and singing along, front and center with will, there arms thrown around each other. they both wore barely thrown together western outfits, thought will had a hat, that despite leo's begging, he wouldn't give up.

at some point in the show, you were singing of coca cola and tight shirts, kneeling near the edge of the stage. leo was entranced as you locked eyes with him, just barely computing that you took your hat off and set it on his curls before jumping back up to your feet, singing about wanting to be wherever your boy was, throwing a wink to leo over your shoulder.

and gods, you were hotter than the blazing texas sun in the middle of summer, that much leo valdez was sure.

#postcards from covey ౨ৎ #all my love ౨ৎ #hoo #pjo #heroes of olympus x reader #leo valdez x reader #leo valdez #leo valdez x y/n #leo valdez x you #leo valdez x oc

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beatcroc · 4 months

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a year!!! as of today i have now been drawing these funny little pizza freaks, to the exclusion of almost everything else, for!!! an entire year!!! i wanted to do a nice group shot/lineup of everybody to compare to when i first started trying to draw them because oh boy were they bad. i never even posted most of them anywhere because they were so bad. but im posting them here, now, to see how everything's changed/evolved.

this is probably the hardest time i've ever had trying to figure out how to work with a style, but we got there eventually; i'm pretty happy with the handle i've got on everybody now...dont let ur memes be dreams. lots of unimportant journaling and idle thoughts abt it below.

older pics

the first one is the VERY first time i drew them, before i thought i was going to actually have any interest in drawing them [lmao]; it was just the one isolated image, for my friendserver, to illustrate the funney message, so there was no attempt to make it Good or actually understand anything going on w/ the designs or style.

second is the original run of practices sketches to start trying to figure them out for real; done after i started having ideas for the comics and such and realized oh god maybe i am actually gonna draw fanart for this. [again, lol, and lmao.]

third one is the first pt art thing i posted on here. there were a couple weeks of sprite studies between this one and the previous image. the one on the top right wasn't part of that post i just threw it on as space filler; i'd intended to shift to doing Sprite Redraws But Stylized to explore tings more, but that was the only one i did. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

individual characters

peppino: by far the hardest dear god. bro what ARE your shapes how DOES your face work. jesus christ. everything i have trouble with this style for, peppino has it in excess. i draw in polygons! i need consistency! and that is the last thing this kind of style is concerned with. they are made of squarshy clay and i do not understand how to mold them. i was really hoping trying to learn this game's style would GIVE me that kind of flexibility for fun exaggerated facial expression but i don't think much came of it in the end 😔. anyway on the bright side all this means once i got peppino figured out a little bit everybody else clicked way easier.

fake peppino: honestly i never did anything with him on purpose except for how his eyes work + the perma-smile thing. i figured ok hes supposed to look weird and off model so whatever happens with him happens. and it did. and it kept happening. it is still, in fact, happening.

noise/ette: somehow, for every bit that peppino was the least natural thing i've ever tried, these two worked pretty much right off the bat. i still don't understand it, seeing as pretty much all the things at play for peppino are also at work for them. i think the new sketches are actually a little worse than older ones but not enough that i care.

gustavo: really funny bc i drew him on model twice and just went 'okay, cool nice, easy, um. he doesn't have any fucking legs?' fortunately he was the only one i had a strong idea for how to stylize him [square] and it worked exactly as i was hoping so wahoo.

brick: is an animal and therefore 5000x easier and more natural for me to draw/stylize than anything else in the cast. that is Just a rat bro. i can draw a rat.

gerome: i think the funniest one here. the most drastic and least necessary change imo. i was gonna have him be really small at first, like smaller than the noises, but then i just... didn't. he's just peppino-sized now. also i gave him like. actual human facial structure, which is funny bc in most cases i'd do anything to avoid, but it works well for his being A Rock to give him some angles and definition like that+ to differentiate his vibe from the rest of the cast who are all very squishy. also since he is essentially Just A Head it's good to emphasize that too ig.

john: i only drew john a couple times but he gets to be here because i like him. and because most of the stuff i applied to gerome was readily applicable to john, though i did try to keep him a little more uncanny because he is a Huge And Lanky Freak. i hate that he is barefoot btw but idk how to make his color balance look right with shoes.

pizzahead: i did not want to put him on here honestly but i Have drawn him a handful of times and more importantly i didn't know what i was gonna do with john's pose if i didn't have him there to be glared at. the only thing that's different with him is giving him wider-bottomed pants, which i got from when i tried to draw these guys in clone high style [i never posted that one either][i will eventually]

snick: he gets to be here because 1. he's like 6 lines 2. i like him and 3. ive scribbled him a few times offhand and it went pretty well

misc

there are some guys missing because those are guys i didn't draw enough [or at all] to have gotten comfortable with them. sorry

i would have Liked to shade these but for the time being i have accepted that my grasp of light/shadow has decayed to the point im not going to be happy with anything i try there, so For Now i am working on my presentation with flats i guess. gerome has a shadow only because he's shaded like that ingame and looks naked without it

anyway if you are still reading [hi?] i get to shamelessly plug now. i'm over the hill of my pizza run now, and while i still have plenty of things i want to make here, most of the bigger more in-depth ones have passed. pizza tower was the first thing in THREE YEARS to get me out of my oc groove to doing fanart, and once i am done with my ideas here i will be going right back to it. if you like my art or how i write characters/interactions you should check out my oc/webcomic blog @jamverse . i can't promise people who like pizza stuff will be terribly into my designs, but i can guarantee i treat my guys with the exact same sort of tone i handle the pt guys with. and hell, i've mentioned it a few times before, but like 70% of my characterization for fake pep is just copied off one of my characters, so if u are going to miss him... he will still be there in spirit >;p

and if you dont care about any of that and are still reading thank you anyway. actually making these comics + seeing how shockingly well-received they've been has done a lot for my confidence, and for seeing that my kind of stuff IS something people enjoy :')

#pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #fake peppino #gustavo and brick #the noise #noisette #pizzahead #arting #pizzaposting

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