#i have a good feeling about it ??? for some reason LOL but no matter what. they stuck through thick and thin

[cosmicpearlz]

sweet confessions

summary: in which jude feels the urge to confess his feelings for you before it’s too late.

pairing: jude bellingham x actress!reader

a/n: i haven’t written something in lord knows how long butttt i can’t stop thinking about being friends to lovers with jude. honestly, i can’t stop thinking about jude like what a man lol. anyways enjoy loves <3

it all started when you got a call from your agent about getting the role for a movie in madrid. you were over the moon about it. the movie was a classic love story about a woman falling in love with someone who also happened to be on vacation in spain and the hardships they face being that they are from two different countries. of course, it was very cheesy but it meant you got to work luca guadagnino. he had been one of your favorite directors and you’ve been itching to work with him. another big plus was that archie madekwe played your love interest. literally one of your best friends after working with him during a different project.

luca wanted all of the cast and crew to loosen up after the first two tables reads, so he took everyone to a real madrid match.

“archie, i’m not gonna lie to you but have you seen the players? specifically, number five,” you dramatically fanned yourself while taking your seat next to the boy.

“ew, keep it in your pants y/n. you’ve been talking about him since we’ve been in madrid and it’s only been three days. ‘oh archie he’s so cute’ ‘you think i’ll be able to talk to him?’,” he mocks you with a slight laugh. you playfully slapped his shoulder.

“i do not talk like that.”

“yes you do.”

“no i don’t.”

“shut up the match is starting,” you stick your tongue out at him because he refused to give you the last word.

your eyes were glued to the players that walked out. quickly spotting the golden boy that you developed a crush on in the matter of three days. jude bellingham stood with a smile adorned on his face. maybe it was the fact that you guys were the same age and you were a little delusional that something could spark between the two of you. even if it only meant being friends.

-

“whew, that was a really good game.”

“you’re only saying that because jude made the winning goal,” you pushed archie’s shoulder and pouted.

“you’re such a bully. that is not the reason and-“

“is he coming over here?”

your head snapped to where archie’s gaze was and yes. jude was making his way across the pitch to where you guys were seated. he gave you a warm smile before standing right in front of you.

“hi.”

“uh, hi?”

“i’m jude,” he held his hand out for you to shake with a cheeky smile. you smiled back and shook his hand. your hand fitting perfectly into his.

“i know who you are silly but i’m y/n.”

“i know who you are silly,” he repeats what you said with a teasing tone.

“i’ve never seen you before. well of course in movies but not here. are you here for work?”

it baffles you on how easy it was for him to make conversation. your eyes widened and looked to archie for help but to your disappointment he was gone. that british bastard.

“yeah! our director wanted us to enjoy a day out together before we start filming. plus, this is my first time in madrid actually,” jude smiles while maintaining eye contact with you.

“you need a tour guide? i got some of my favorite places i can show you.”

little did you know, it would be the start to a great friendship with the footballer.

-

“cut! we are done for the day. same time tomorrow, thank you everyone.”

you and archie shared a high five finishing a complex scene. it was the particular scene where your characters are arguing about the vacation almost ending. resulting to a passionate love confession with a hungry kiss.

“your boyfriend is here,” archie whispered into your ear making you push him away from you.

“shut up, he’s not my boyfriend.”

“yet.”

you choose to ignore your ignorant best friend. giving him a quick hug goodbye and rushing towards jude, who already has his arms open for you. you crash into him and he responds immediately by wrapping his arms around you.

it’s been five months since he offered to be your tour guide but he ended up being so much more. he became a staple piece in your life with such a short amount of time.

“hello darling.”

“hi jude. boy am i glad to see you, i’m so hungry. let’s get food,” you feel his chest vibrating from the laughter he gave out.

“oh wow, i come from training to see you and all you can think about is food? what am i? copped liver?”

“well duh, what else are you here for?” you pulled away slightly to look up at him, trying to give him your best straight face. it failed when he started tickling your side successfully causing you to laugh and slap his hands away.

“let’s feed the princess, shall we?”

jude never failed to send butterflies fluttering in your stomach. you wouldn’t dare ruin your friendship with him just because you gained a crush on him. it’s his fault though. all of the nicknames and gestures he does makes your head spin.

“we shall, but i have to stop by my trailer to put up my stuff,” you giggled and lead him to the trailers. jude immediately throws his self onto your bed laying down.

“man if this is what being an actor is like, i might have to try it.”

“you in acting? oh please, you have a better chance being in the production crew,” he gasped loudly while placing his hand on his chest.

“you are cruel. i can totally being an actor if i wanted to,” causing you to playfully scoff.

“yeah right and i can be a footballer.”

“now you’re taking the piss.”

you join him on the bed, choosing to lay on top of him being that his taller frame takes up the whole bed. it wasn’t unnatural for you two to end up in positions like this. it felt natural and certainly was comfortable. jude wraps an arm around your waist and you wrap yours around his neck.

the boy hoped you couldn’t feel the way his heartbeat sped up. unbeknownst to you, he fully reciprocated your feelings. sometimes it scared him how fast he fell for you. the whole reason he walked up to you in the first place is because he wanted an excuse to talk to the pretty girl that watched the football match.

“comfortable are we?”

“yes, you’re like a warm teddy bear.”

“i thought you were hungry.”

“it can wait.”

“y/n.”

“jude.”

jude felt you snuggle into him more and suddenly he felt the need to tell you his feelings. your warm body pressed against his and it still couldn’t stop the intense warmth that fluttered in his stomach, crawling all the way up to his chest. he grabs your waist firmly and sits the both of you up.

“hey, i was comfortable laying there,” you gave him a pout. all he think of was kissing the pout off your face. jude gazes at you with a small smile suddenly becoming shy.

“can i tell you something?”

“anything.”

“promise it won’t ruin our friendship? i dunno if i can deal with losing you completely.”

“stop being silly, you’ll never lose me jude,” you grabbed his hand and squeezed it, encouraging him to talk to you.

“i like you.”

“what?”

“i like you so much that it hurts to not call you my girlfriend. you’re like the sunshine that radiates through the widow early in the morning. you make me unbelievably happy with your presence. i know you’re going to leave soon but we could do long distance. i’d do it for you in a heartbeat if it-“

“jude relax,” you lay your hand on his face, softly rubbing his cheek.

“i like you too. so so much,” the once nervous boy quickly gained a growing smile.

“really?”

“oh god yes,” jude properly sits you into his lap, pressing your bodies closer together. you guys were practically nose to nose at this point. not that either of you minded .

“can i kiss you?” his whisper fell upon your lips.

“i’d be really mad if you didn’t.”

in a split second, his lips were on yours. a long awaited kiss. one of his hands held the back of your neck to try and push you closer if possible. passion flowing between the two of you as your tongues battle over dominance. you couldn’t stop your smile as you kissed him.

jude playfully nips at your bottom lip before placing two pecks to your lips and then pulling away. he didn’t go far as he rested his forehead on yours.

“fuck, i might be in love with you baby.”

before you could even reply, your stomach growled leading you to burst out into laughter. jude follows suit in laughter right behind you. he kisses the side of your head and stands up, holding a hand out for you. you smiled while sliding your hand into his. he intertwined your fingers with his and pulls you out from your spot.

“for the record, i might be in love with you as well,” you whispered with your spare hand raised to your lips as if you were telling him a secret only he can hear. jude kisses your forehead with a knowing smirk.

“who wouldn’t be in love with me.”

“see now you’re the one taking the piss.”

#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham imagine

[ejtheoneandonly]

COMFORTING THEM AT THEIR WORST (or some sh*t I thought of at 3am)

Feat. Some Windbreaker characters that come in my mind

Haruka Sakura.

Haruka was bruised and normally, you would treat his wounds, he never admits it but L O V E S when you are the one doing it, as he consider your touches to be one of the most warm he has encountered in his whole life, you can even see it in his eyes, he is so mellow. When you try to talk to him about his day (before the brawl, of course) he remains strangely quiet, as if he is reflecting about something, you tilt your head "Haru-kun?", his eyes turned to you "what?" He coldly said...

"Is there something wrong?"

"Nah, nothing at all, why you keep asking?"

"Because it seems like you're going through something, do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

When you're done with your job, you both go sit somewhere outside, Sakura's face seems still at unease. You decide to try talk him out one more time

"Haru-kun-"

"Oh for f*cks sake what?!"

"How did you just talk to me..?"

"I said I'm fine! I don't need anything now!"

"If you say you're fine with that face that means you are not necessarily fine, you don't have to carry everything alone you know?"

"Ugh!" The bi-colored boy stood and groaned "I am not telling you I feel terrible just because you say-...so..." he said it himself. "And?" You were curious to hear the story. "..." Sakura grabbed his head and fell into the ground "Goddammit!!! Why can't I just feel to fit in no matter what I do!!! If I am not strong I am nothing! I really have no other things to offer!! I...I..." His voice was breaking and you didn't think twice before embracing him "You need to be patient, from what I've seen, things have been going very well in Furin for you, and you seem to have fun, I'm pretty sure your peers have already accepted you, or else, who are Nirei and Suo to you?"

Sakura is hesitant, but at the same time...he doesn't want to let you go.

Akihiko Nirei

You and Nirei were in a date, you were walking on the streets, admiring every single thing while you also see the yellow fluffball taking notes of the things you 'wow' at. Today was pretty nice, you bought some food, drinks and took some photos. The thing happened when he was walking you home, it was dusk time and some criminals arrived, threatening to harm you both, Nirei, wanting to be your hero, decided to face them himself but got outnumbered, fortunately, you knew how to fight, so you decided to help him. You both won, they left, you both went to your home, checking if there were any severe injuries. Suddenly, the yellow fluffball wailed.

"Oh no, what happened? Do your injuries hurt?" Your voice sounded so sweet and attentive, you were always like this, main reason he fell in love with you.

"It's just..." *sob* "Just..."

"You can tell me anything."

"I'm tired of being useless, I always wonder, how did I even get to enter Furin if I don't even know how to fight! Even if Suo-san trained me, I will still never be as cool as him or Sakura-san! I am so useless!! I am so useless!!" Nirei was 😭

"No! Don't say that! I love you just how you are! I chose you for you, I could have chosen Sakura or Suo as you say but no, want to know why I chose you?" You said getting closer to him

"🥺?" He looked to your direction

You kissed him in the cheek "Because you always have good intentions, even in the things you are not good at, you always give it all and that's what made me fall in love with you, you are the strongest in my eyes and heart, and always will"

Nirei just kept crying (lol) but it was okay, crybaby and all you still loved him.

Hayato Suo

Hayato Suo is someone who you rarely see sad, this patched person always kept in control of his emotions and thoughts, you were always certain he always had everything under control, but what would happen if those restraints...

...snapped...?

You and the patched guy were drinking tea at a chinese market, both enjoying the view as you enjoyed each other's company, even if you didn't spoke much, the silence was already good enough, but you decided to now check on him, you could feel it, there was stuff he has hiding, you sensed his mind was in a tempest, an unpredictable force that could break out at any moment. Hayato Suo is very good at hiding his emotions to the point it's scary, you will never know what's going on with him, unless he wants to tell you...

At last, you decide to break silence "Suo?"

He turned at you, with a tiny grin "yes?"

"I...have feeling you...you um..." You were sometimes scared that he might take your words the wrong way or worse, that a possible argument arised, but decided to take the risks. The chinese presenting guy blinked "anything you need to say?" He said as he finished his tea.

"You are going through something terrible right now and as much as you want to avoid it I know! I just know it! And I don't care if you say 'I'm fine', I know you're not but let me tell you, whatever you are going through, let me be there for you! As complex as it may be I will do until my last breath to-" You were passionately pronouncing those words you did cause a scene at the market, everyone was now staring at you "...sorry" you sat down again. He chuckled "your passion and dedication towards me is so admirable but..." his aura abruptly changed to a darker one "even if I told you, you would never be able to handle it, this is something very personal of me and I kindly beg you to leave it..."

You were speechless but mainly concerned, of course you never feared he attacked you, you knew he could never but the situation of right now, left you thinking, if he even trusted you enough, maybe not yet...

In the end, you both walked away from that place, you hoped one day, Hayato Suo would trust you and let himself be as vulnerable as ever, so you could be there for him with no doubt...

Forgive if this looks ooc, oh God T-T, also, to the 3 people that read this, you deserve the whole world ⚘️)) if you want another part then say so, I guess.

#yo there #wind breaker #haruka sakura #akihiko nirei #hayato suo

[gregoftom]

speak! good boy!

#tomgreg #SING MY SONG and so he did #until the end #no matter wha thappens in the finale at least they were together until the bitter end #i have a good feeling about it ??? for some reason LOL but no matter what. they stuck through thick and thin #through four seasons right until the end. and that counts for something #right? right. #ALSO LMAO AT GREG LOOKING AT KEN WHILE HE SAYS ATN WITH TOM. HES LIKE; HEY SO MY BOYFRIEND IS GOING TO WIN <3 #greg: takes a deep breath ''i lo--'' everyone who has been around him for 2 seconds: yes we know you love tom you fucking love tom #he's the light of your fucking life we get it we fucking know you love tom. YOU LOVE TOM. WE GET IT #i wanted t omake a video of this but premiere pro kept shitting the bed SOB so you get caps instead smh

[icewindandboringhorror]

boy in silly sitting positions compilation

#cats #I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol #I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh #I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day #so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the #writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird #to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in #it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something #''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way #you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj #Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future'' #things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up #with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just #stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house #in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty #that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn #There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not #even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy #birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public #ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take #anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some #things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like #2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were #playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol.. #Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my #evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas

[sysig]

Looking his very best, as much as he can anyhow (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #The Captain #The theme of this set is ZEX's hair! So I guess Max's hair really lol #But double really it's ZEX's hair because Max would never let this happen to his hair lol poor abused hair haha #Cute floofy ZEX is cute and floofy <3 #He can't control the hair - no hair bones here unfortunately lol - but at least there's something around his head eh? #Max with a buzz cut! Ah!!! The problem is I love him no matter what so I think he looks cute literally anyhow haha #S'cold! As if ZEX wasn't already sensitive haha - he gets a buzz cut and is just ''?????'' the whole time #And then someone pets his hair and it upgrades to ''?!?!?!?!?!'' haha #Weird to not have anything in his peripherals too :0 Always /some/thing to the sides of his head! #I think he looks quite silly in the third one lol - I would say I drew his hair too short but it's actually more accurate isn't it #Max's hair is like chin/shoulder-length! I just can't help myself haha long flowing hair is so fun and pretty <3 #No he's beautiful however I stand by it #ZEX with slightly damp but not actually clean hair haha of course it feels strange! Not just water in there! #Actually drawing his green ends for a change haha ♪ And the grey in his hair! ;; ZEEEX weh #You can just barely see I tried to use one of my skin-tone pencils from the Crayola set but it doesn't scan the best :P #Or apply the best honestly lol they're quite hard pencils - I'm used to a softer formula like the yellow and green there! Very soft and nice #Yaaay Captain hehe <3 This is what you get for trusting someone untrustworthy ZEX lol #Okay but the way I reacted to reading there was Yarn tied in his hair I had a Normal reaction and I'm Fine about it lol #I made it red for Funsies and no other reason lol - really it's just the pen I (still) always have on hand haha #There's some in my blue as well! Just not as obviously lol - no wait that's one of his colours too just ignore that <3 #ZEX is adorable ♪ The alien not understanding human traditions and culture trope is so lovely on him #And honestly the Captain is a very good sport hehe <3 He takes a lot in stride! Good for him

[izzyspussy]

i think a lot of people have never been in a truly desperate situation but think they have, and this causes them to pass really harsh judgment on people who made bad choices when either irrational or having no good choices to pick instead, and i really wish people could get some fucking self-perception and work on their compassion skills and not fucking do that as much anymore

#jack facts #people be banging on about empathy this empathy that #and like sure maybe people have a measurable capacity for it but i can tell you what #that sure as fuck don't mean any fucking one of them ever bothers to make use of it when it matters lol #and i mean on the other hand it's hard to conceptualize how you would feel going through something you've never experienced before #i just wish people would be AWARE of the fact they don't know! #or like that there's a difference between ''i can't afford anything but instant ramen'' and ''i can't get any food or water'' #or a difference between being freaked out by spiders and having clinical arachnophobia #or a difference between ''my loved one is sick and i'm really worried about them'' and ''my loved one is dying in front of me'' #etc etc etc etc etc #anyway the longer i live the more i'm convinced that empathy is a garbage concept #and actually a more reliable way to act with true compassion is through at least some capacity for relative objectivity #the ability to say ''i don't know how that feels and i cannot understand it through comparison'' and to be able AND WILLING #to take people's self reports on their feelings thought processes or lackthereof in good faith and with sympathy #and also the ability to acknowledge that doing a bad thing for good reasons does not negate the bad thing being bad #but also should and does change what consequences are appropriate and/or most effective #and also like............... things people do in desperation or other irrational states do not represent Who They Are As A Person #or what it's like to hang out with them in a day to day situation #another thing i keep getting more and more aware of is like. if y'all can't even handle an irrational or impulsive choice that does harm #done by an otherwise ''good'' person under short term desperate situations #that they then do their best to reduce the harm of after the situation is over #i can not even imagine how absolutely unforgiving you must be of anyone who has delusions #and i mean real delusions and real psychosis not the hyperbolic babytalk version lol #like i don't think most of you even know what the fuck a delusion even is the way you act about things as simple & straightforward as like #fear. hunger. pain. #absolutely fucking exhausting

[girl-bateman]

Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍

#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all #literally my soul is gone or something #i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed #which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually. #ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better #alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off #like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot #like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy #moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously #but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends #i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help #idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho #like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me ! #so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback #kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk #it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore #but who knows 🤷‍♀️ #there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol #that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown #like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way #and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever #and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality #plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good #but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you #but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !

[devilsskettle]

whenever i hear a song that i would like if it weren’t for the fact that it was too long, i think about this:

like you can afford to write tangentially if you/your music is already popular and you know that people are going to listen to you no matter what and in fact laud your longer pieces as being genius etc but can you really be releasing 5+ minute long songs without a built-in audience?

#idk. thinking about this because of the new lana album and i think i’d like a lot of these songs better if they were shorter lol #some of these songs drag so much especially when she includes these long sections of like one repeated line over and over again #or like when taylor swift releases the extended version of all too well and everyone freaked out #that’s all good and well but she HAD to release the shorter version first #and she knows she has this huge fanbase that will eat that shit up no matter what she does really #part of it is nostalgia admittedly but i also think the shorter version is just a better song #that song is on the longer side to begin with but 10 minutes???? why #(i did listen to both songs back to back to make sure my opinion was still the same as when the 10 minute version was released & it is lol) #idk! obviously i’m bad at this myself because i write so fucking much to express a simple point but it is more skillful to be able #to say things as effectively and precisely in a more concise way #not saying this ONLY applies to mitski because she’s the one this article is about but she is a good example of it #like being able to express a feeling in just a couple lines that would probably take a less skilled writer like a novel to express #it also reminds me of how my high school latin teacher described how in college he took a class about museum design or something like that #and their first assignment was to write a description of an artifact to tell museum visitors what it was #and every time he submitted a draft the professor would tell him to make it shorter while still communicating the necessary information #until he literally could not make it any shorter than it already was #because you have to assume that people are not gonna read all that! because they won’t unless they have some kind of external motivation to #idk there IS something to be said for including ‘unnecessary’ parts of writing etc obviously there’s nuance #but a lot of the time i think if there isn’t a reason to include something then why include it!

[pepprs]

mutuals i got myself into a situation so sticky i don’t even know how to describe it (edit: *describes it* lol). please send thoughts of successful escape my way lol

#purrs #delete later #i SONT understand anything about retirement or insurance whatever and basically imightve signed a contract for smth i didn’t understand #fully and im so scared lol. and i feel so bad bc im stupid and i don’t understand anything and no matter how much peopel #xolain it to me i don’t understand it. i feel like a stupid silly naive little girl rn LOLLLLL i feel so sick #it’s probably fine and not that bad and i didn’t do the wrong step but im freaking out. not just bc of the money situation but also bc they #have to do a. medical exam on me to see how much i would have to pay or whatever 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 wtf #im making it sound like a big bad scary freak thing isigned up for when really it’s not i don’t thin&. it’s just dividend lige insirance but #i don’t understand what any of it means and apparently other stuff is better. idk anything about retirement i only got into this stupid #situation because i had a mandatory retirement selection for work and ididnt understand anything so i scheduled a meeting with a retirement #counselor person to help me figure out which option would be the best for me and he was really nice and helped me a lot but then he started #saying he could help me w additional retirement stuff if i wanted to see what the options were and i was like sure and then he told me abt t #this thing and had me fill out / sign the application in that same meeting to ‘get the process started bc it takes. a long time’ even if i d #decided to pull out later it would be a good thing to get the ball rolling asap if i did end up wanting to do it. but i didn’t understand an #anythi ng and i went along with it anyway and now i might’ve fucked myself over so bad. except i probably didn’t but i feel so bad. bc he wa #was so nice and genuine but maybe he was just trying to sell me a product bc he gets a commission from the insurance company which i he told #me wheni asked him if im getting his help for free. i feel so stupid and guilty omg #and also i signed up for my first credit card but the interest rates are really high which i didn’t realize. and i can’t log into the bank a #account for some reason liek it says my acc doesn’t work. and hr fucked up my pay so i haven’t gotten a time sheet for like 2 pay periods an #and im getting retroactively paid in august but it’s just one more fucking thing and i haven’t gotten the chance to pick new benefits yet #and idk if i can / will bc of my stupid pay situation like i literaly don’t exist in the system rn apparently. i fucking hate all of this i #hate adulting i hate it i hate it i want to explode and hide forever and cry a lot. and my bank account isn’t even my own rn and i don’t und #understand anything about mony or insurance or benefits or credit cards or anything. im so overwhelmed FUCK

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

most of the examples i see of this are in a vacuum harmless but i do find it concerning how often i witness an exchange on the internet that’s like:

some complete fucking rando on social media, potentially a self-branded expert of some kind but probably not even that, like literally just a person with internet access: did you know that actually [information that may or may not be factually accurate, because it’s literally just some person saying stuff on twitter]?

other people: wow this is so helpful, thanks so much for telling me, i had no idea

like even when the thing the person is saying is true i find this concerning. because like, Some Person On Twitter should not be an automatically accepted source on…… anything. like it’s fine to read something like that and be like “oh interesting i’d never heard of this” and then do some more digging. or i mean if it’s not serious it’s also fine to be like “oh huh cool if true” lol. but it stresses me out how many people are wandering around with their default reaction to certain kinds of alleged information, regardless of its provenance, being “thank you for enlightening me, o kind stranger,” and not, “hm, i wonder if there is literally any basis for believing this other than that someone said it was true?”

#you think someone would do that? just go on the internet and lie? #i thought about this bc i remembered the p*yt*n b**chd**th louisa may alcott thread lol #and how the replies on twitter were so like…. #like it wasn’t even ‘i’d never considered this but now that you mention it you make a good point’ #(which like. He Did Not. but whatever) #like the tone of it was very ‘thank you so much for enlightening me with your expertise’ #with a side of ‘it’s crazy how this objective historical fact was only brought to light by Some Guy On Twitter With A Podcast’ #like there was no awareness of it even *as* an argument being put forth #that’s the element of this that i find a concerning behavior pattern even though in this case it reallt #does not matter that much #like it wasn’t people agreeing with this bad argument. that’s annoying. but it’s different #than people taking something as like empirical fact literally just because the person saying it said that it was #anyway but i was also sort of thinking about this phenomenon re: a mutual’s post on the twitter definition of intrusive thoughts #because i feel like i see this a LOT with psych stuff #where someone will be like ‘hey did you know that [behavior or feeling] is ACTUALLY [term for a symptom]? #and people will be like ‘wow thanks so much for educating me kind stranger’ #like you should really aim to build into your thought process some degree of #‘this sounds interesting but back up. do i have other reasons to believe that it is actually true?’ #nobody’s perfect and i let stuff slide without noticing i’m sure #but many people really seem to think ‘uncritically accepting what someone who seems cool says’ is like the correct approach #it is not!!!! #don’t take my word for it :) use your brain to decide if i am right (i am)

[burger-goblin]

.

#in my lil head today‚ thinkin bout ff stuff #like what reason they have to try to push these like‚ ~feelings~ about zenos onto the WoL #i hate zenos. like really genuinely do not like him as a character. he's also ugly as hell LOL #but he's not a good villain and his motivations for doing the things he does are weak and one dimensional. he's the sephiroth of xiv #so no matter how many cutscenes they try to make to give my WoL some kinda sympathy towards Zenos‚ they ain't gettin it #shit just ain't canon for my Boy. we're glad he's dead 👍 #zero can stay tho. she's good #spoilers

[elektroyu]

This may sound a little esoteric, but sometimes I really wonder what my higher purpose in life is. By now I think I have a pretty good idea of which (overall) direction I need to go (= art stuff in the widest sense). This is exclusively because that's what feels right to me and seems to be what I always come back to in some way.

But beyond that? I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for living (literally living, like eating and housing, let alone pets orz). Are these things supposed to be connected? Or am I supposed to find another way to get income, somehow despite my health condition?

What am I supposed to do for other people so that I can get income of my own*? What is it that I can GIVE others? Where is the thing that I can do that can provide others with a high enough value?

I have no fucking clue at all, and that's scary as hell.

*at least I'd like to have an income of my own that I basically earn myself with some kind of work. Not at all looking forward to end up depending on benefits for the rest of my life

#I think I'm pretty good mental health wise but this shit gets me every time #what are the lessons I need to learn and what can I do for others #and apart from that #if my life is supposed to be in poverty for some reason and that doesn't change no matter what I do #that's even more scary in a way #but if that's the lesson I need to learn... #idk #can you guess what my views are about life and death XD #by writing this I really feel a struggle about letting go of certain things #and I'm afraid that's where my growth will be #and I'm really afraid of that #almost to the point of tears #random stuff #I know I can deal with big challenges and changes even if it's hard #I know I have a lot of inner strength #even if things are difficult #I know I'll be fine either way #but that doesn't mean that those things aren't scaring the living shit out of me lol #thank you for reading my rambling #😂😅 #I mean there has to be some use for my art skills #you can't tell me these are just for me #then there's always that possibility that everything will click in 10 or 20 or another 40 years #which is also kinda scary #I want to use my time for something meaningful #ideally meaningful not just for me y'know

[icewindandboringhorror]

I think the hardest thing in writing for me sometimes is the like “show don’t tell/let people communicate through subtext/Normal People don’t just walk around openly explaining their motivations for everything That’s Unnatural” thing because like.. I literally DO walk around openly explaining my motivations for everything, that is how I talk, I am an analytical detail oriented over-communicator who explains everything as thoroughly as possible and and will give a fully detailed 2 minute long answer to something simple like “how are you doing today?” .. like it’s hard to make things sound Natural and Normal when you yourself are inherently unnatural and abnormal in your methods of communication to an extent lol

#''hey. whats up? you look kind of sad.. is something wrong?'' normal answer (apparently how people are supposed to talk): *looks away #remosefully and stares into the distance* ''n-no.. I'm fine. don't worry about it.'' abnormal answer (how I would respond): ''Yeah I #'m mostly fine. I was just thinking about what the future is going to be like 30 years from now and if I'll ever actually accomplish anythin #g that I want to. which makes me feel X way for XYZ reason. you see because I had a dream last night that made me think of *continues to exp #lain my exact emotional state and inner thought process completely matter of factly in exact detail for 5 more minutes* #tfw you would be a badly written character if you existed in a story lol #This is also why I struggle making conflict because most conflicts can be resolved through conversation and I personally love to have long #detailed conversations about everything. Like literally I don't have hardly any conflicts interpersonally because if something happens it's #immediately followed up with like ''hey sorry if my tone of voice sounded a bit pointed or harsh. when you were talking to me I was trying #to balance all the stuff I was taking up the stairs and also my leg hurts so I think all my mental energy was being used there and I just #didn't feel like talking. I should have just said 'wait a minute and we can discuss it inside' instead of trying to end the conversation qui #ckly in a short rude way.' ''oh yeah thats fine. I thought it was something like that. sorry for hounding you about the topic as well. i #havent eaten in a while so I think I'm just a bit prickly at the moment. we should both rest for a while and destress from the store #trip and then talk about it later. maybe after lunch?' 'sure. sounds good.' like LITERALLY. lol #it is so hard for me to write characters who are bad communicators or don't understand their own internal states or arent constantly #analyzing their own actions to understand what they do/don't feel and why and what the cause of it is and etc. etc. etc. #I just naturally want everyone to perfectly undertsand everything and communicate amazingly and have complete self awareness and #logical presence of mind gjhbj.. which like.. of course comes across as unnatyural and also those type of people rarely ever get involved in #conflict and conflict is APPARENTLY what drives stories (even though I don't like most conflicts and just want to resolve them lol) so ...aa #I mean you can get around this to some degree by the fact that (at least in my opinion) no rule for dialogue is 100%. dialogue is good if it #sounds naturally like it comes from the character who said it. It can be meandering and pointless and rambly IF that matches the character. #it can be dry and overly self aware IF your character is that way and it suits them. So like throwing in a few detached scholar types or lik #e '5000 year old cave dwelling hermit' type people is good for me and works BUT the thing is an ENTIRE cast of characters can't be that way. #at some point - even in a setting where everyone is reserved and academic (like a research camp in the wilderness full of scholars and stuff #) still SOMEBODY has to be the one who's conflict prone and doesn't pristinely understand all of their emotions and etc. etc. Because statis #tically that is still literally the majority. Kind of like my tendency to make everyone 100% aromantic and asexul when it's like.. YES.. may #be 2 or 3 or even 4 out of 10 of them could be that way. but like.. an entire group? a diverse group of 10 people from all walks of life and #EVERY single one is like that??? hgjh . you have to add realistic variety #As much as I'm pro 'have more stories where sex or romance are literally NOT involved at all in any capacity since it's already oversaturate #d in media' I'm also dedicated to realism. alas. (at least as realistic as you can get in a fantasy setting lol)

[luxraydyne]

wait, dude, wait. aini was supposed to be cosmic horror??

girl, seriously? i dunnooooo i’m not really feeling it fellas

#i'm some i've read some cosmic horror(/weird fic prob more fitting here) in my time and i do not get those vibes from it at aaaaall #i can believe that cosmic horror is what aini *thought* it was doing. but no. #game doesn't commit nearly enough and its so like. self conscious in terms of 'we gotta make this appeal to more people' to commit #and like in this economy it's just not weird enough tbh #simulation theory as plot point in and of itself does not a cosmic horror/weird fiction make. or like. an interesting one #and when the writing ultimately chickens out with the 'but its okay because even if it's a simulation we all matter and should be content' #which it will #i should be feeling existentially uneasy and instead i'm like 'my god i totally know exactly where this is going' #and it's so needless! you have a scifi concept ripe with fic psychological weird horror potential that went untapped! #why let that just shrivel up in the corner cause sim theory's more big brain?? make a different game then! #i simply do not care about the ''frayer'' or whomstever the player avatar is called today. cause the game don't care either lol #its heart somehow aint in it. which is weird considering how much other good shit was tossed in favour of the new Thing #its pure mechanics. which could work if the game goes all in on mechanical narrative. but the mechanics dont even work #it's not even interested in the interesting meaty bit of the concept it's so completely linear it misses its own point entirely #the mechanics arent integrated with the thematics at all its so clunky which is a shame cause clearly a lot of nitpicking went in #from like the dialogue writers #proofing this thing was a nightmare i would imagine #and like. you can't have a pandemic rocket and stormtrooper horde as the climax of your story and expect me to seriously inspect it #as a proper serious work of cosmic horror i'm too busy rolling my eyes and laughing at it #not saying that something can't have both weird horror and comedy elements to it reasonably speaking #but the horror elements aren't beefy and deeply thought out enough nor is the comedy integrated in such a way to hit that sweet spot #uuuugh theres something in here somewhere but not like. as one game. take one or two elements split them off and develop them #like properly. fully with care and gusto and focus on what the writing actually feels. then you could have a couple of good games #and maybe even a decent cosmic horror product #but this Aint It. weird fiction/cosmic horror is more than a base concept or aesthetic flairs you gotta gets the guts underneath #it will not tag this properly but i will make the walls of tag attached #of increasing and therefore increasingly absurd length. for the bit

[vaugarde]

its not whiplash per say bc ive seen all the episodes in between these but it sure is wild how ash’s main battle with his rival in the sinnoh league was a 3 episode long back and forth struggle that served as the climax for their individual arcs and rivalry, followed by a loss that still provided a very good battle and atmosphere that leaves you proud of ash regardless, and then ash’s main battle with his rival in the unova league is an underwhelming preliminary battle they immediately try to get out of the way, rival has already had his emotional arc completed, and then when ash does lose its intended as a literal punchline

#like. i cant believe these happened back to back. what the hell #i know i sound like a broken record about trip but i honestly cannot emphasize enough how underwhelming and mishandled his entire character #also im not too far into it but im sensing that another thing they brought back from indigo was ‘’um its realistic this way’’ thinking #like. ‘’um realistically ash isnt always gonna fight his main rival in the climax lol’’ #‘’um realistically ash isnt always gonna fight the guy we set him up to fight with’’ #‘’um realistically we arent always gonna know who the winner is and hes probably just some guy’’ #which like…. was my least favorite aspect abt indigo btw. writing with more ‘’realistic’’ probabilities is fine #but theres a reason people get annoyed when you set something up and dont follow up on it properly #subverting expectations is a thing and it can be done very well! hell they did that with tobias and i defend him a lot #but you have to do it in a way that still feels natural for the narrative and satisfies people and serves some kind of purpose #otherwise youre just going to annoy people and youre just gonna look pretentious when you excuse your bad writing with ‘um realism?’’ #and yknow. sinnoh was so good that unova league was probably gonna be looked down on no matter what #but holy shit they dropped the ball #echoed voice #pokeani lb

[cockringhoratio]

im not gonna lie i expected wendell and wild to be,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, better,,,,,,,

#smashy the cache #murder your babies henry selick good lord lol #they needed an exrta 20 minutes or smthn bc that shit was just like #oof #it was a lot of ground to cover for 90 minutes and unfortunately they decided hitting all the story beats was more important than like #making characters with inner worlds. that feel things. and do things based on their feelings. and not Because The Plot Needs Them To #also theres stuff like. fairly early on they introduce that kat went to juvie and im like yeah sure this is a common trope #her trauma and insufficient tools to process it lead to her Acting Out in some way #maybe stole something breaking and entering graffiti maybe arson for some Symbolism idk It Doesnt Matter really bc its shorthand #NO SHE KILLED SOMEONE??? #and this information is dropped LITERALLY SECONDS BEFORE SHE 'lets go' AND 'makes her peace with it' LIKE WHAT???? #like first of all she INSISTS she is the reason her parents died when it is pretty solidly her dads fault sorry delroy #and its like okay her Angst stems from the survivors guilt and grief and all that and then when she is facing #A LITERAL MANIFESTATION OF HER OWN GUILT AND TRAUMA #the film is like No Actually it stems from all this other shit that weare only showing you JUST NOW MOMENTS BEFORE THIS WILL BE RESOLVED #like idk i feel like a child blaming herself for the death of her parents AND THEN ACCIDENTALLY CAUSING THE DEATH OF ANOTHER CHILD would idk #FEEL A BIT MORE ABOUT THAT than just offhand mentioning right before it doesnt matter anymore #also just EVERYTHING about hell maidens lmao #'hey youre a hell maiden' 'sounds cool i have no further questions im gonna summon demons which is something i can do' #'also i can see the future which is connected to that somehow' #literally what the fuck is a hell maiden and why do they have different powers and why does swearing an oath matter #and more importantly WHAT THE FUCK DID HELL MAIDENS EVEN DO BEFORE THAT GUY MADE THE EVIL TEDDY BEAR??????? #like idk its a very Telling Not Showing story but like theyre telling you stuff you just watched happen and not like. necessary context lol #also idk why they bothered w siobhan's 'wait prisons are bad actually :(' arc or the dj dad demon coming to the surface #hes literally chasing wendell and wild down to punish them and then sees a mural and is like 'am i a bad dad :(' and lets them go #why did that need to happen like they coulda just ran away and thats it damn sorry yall had a shitty dad like the story doesnt change #xcept maybe wendell and wild have to do some actual soul searching and penance to get back in kat's good graces #god im gonna stop myself here lol i just keep thinking of other stupid shit they wasted runtime on instead of making a compelling story #anyway lol #i liked the visual design and the hell themepark