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#i just wish i was better friends w this person so i don't overthink every interaction i have with her like why is that necessary @ brain
i90soot · 4 months
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“Maybe in another universe-" “¿Why not in this one?"
Tw: alcohol, anguish, ¿broken heart? Mention of self-medication, overthinking, some comfort.
Synopsis: He is in love with you, you are really all he wants but you don't want him or so he thinks and that hurts. (You are both university students)
He's tired of seeing how you end up crying on the floor of your bathroom taking alcohol and sleeping pills. He hates seeing you suffer. You've been his friend for a long time. He's tired of seeing you cry for all your relationships.
The assholes you hang out with are trash, he could treat you better than them if you gave him a chance but he's afraid to say it and just comforts you while crying, hugging you.
You're crying sitting on the ground, you were supposed to go to a camp with some of your friends and your boyfriend but when you went to spend time with your boyfriend you heard moans from him and your "friend," you went in and saw them but they didn't see you, you just went to sit on the ground at night the stars shining just like the moon, a soft breeze falling on you.
"h-hey it's okay, don't cry for that idiot," Wilbur looks at you softly watching your swollen eyes, watching you cry, sitting there. "He's just an idiot. He doesn't know how to value you. You're too much for him." He whispers softly and watches you get stressed and tears fall from your eyes.
He wants to hug you, tell you that all the people you've dated are nothing more than idiots, tell you that it would be much better to tell you that he loves you.
You sob without saying anything before letting your head fall onto Wilbur's shoulder sobbing and he hugs you back rubbing your back.
He sighs heavily and kisses your head while you cry and cry. He wishes he could help you. He wishes he could make you feel happy again.
"¿w-why-? ¿Why does this always end like this? I-I thought this time it would be different," You sob and hide your face in her chest, he just hugs you tightly.
"hey okay okay okay?" He whispers without knowing what to say "he's just an idiot, he doesn't know how to value you" he whispers softly and hugs you and you hug him.
He would only want to hug you in another type of situation, not in a situation where you, the person he is in love with, are crying for another person.
You end up crying all night until you fall asleep, he just sighs and carries you to his camping tent, letting you rest there, he lies down next to you, looking at your sleeping face, your tired eyes.
He sighs and gently runs his finger over your cheeks wiping away some tears. He sighs again. He wishes he could be with you. He wishes he could be the guy you say I love you to every day, wish hr could be the one you kiss with, he wish he could be the boy in your heart.
But it's not like that.
So he will have to keep dreaming until a miracle happens and you fall in love with him like he is in love with you.
He looks at your pink lips they look so warm he wishes he could kiss them.
He looks at you softly before leaning towards you but he doesn't kiss you, he just kisses your forehead, whispering "rest."
Maybe in another universe you are in love with him, in another universe you are not just best friends.
But he wishes it were in this universe.
¿Why not in this universe?
He just wants you to love him...
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focusandrelaxforme · 11 months
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Documenting My Subject's Hypno Slavery Journey (Part 7)
First, I'd like to apologize for the long delay. For anyone still interested and following, we're still doing these. Work has picked up for me, so finding time to sit down and post these can prove a bit difficult. In addition, KittySub has a trip coming up, and while we'll be continuing while she's away, expect either shorter entries or slight delays.
Some notes:
The tone in this one is a bit different from usual. After going incredibly deep the night before, KittySub experienced a fairly severe sub drop after waking up in the morning.
After making sure that she was okay, I asked her if she'd like to write out her thoughts on what happened and how she felt. Like every other entry, she was deep in trance while writing this. The only difference was that she was given an option on whether she wanted to write and share this with everyone.
For those who are here for the more explicit entries or to hear about KittySub being hypnotized, this entry is much more about her thoughts and feelings on everything that is happening. I thought it was important to share the realities of working with a sub, and how important it can be to acknowledge and help tend to their feelings.
As I've mentioned before, KittySub has her own life and responsibilities, and my goal here is to integrate what we're doing with her life in a way that does not disrupt it too much.
I appreciate all the support and feedback, even the ones I don't personally agree with. I think that everyone has their own methodology, logic and style, and there's nothing wrong with differences there.
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Dear Diary,
Today I woke up feeling sluggish and sore. Yesterday was the hardest day i have had with Master. I feel sore from my toes to my head.. my brain is fuzzy and i don't remember yesterday in great detail. Its an odd experience. This morning I discussed my concerns with Master about our first week together. I told him about how sometimes he sounds cold when he posts about me online.. like I am his test subject that he is doing experiments on.. or like he pities me for not loving my body and wants to help. I know he doesnt feel that way.. but my brain says otherwise when I read his wording before each of my journal entries. This is such a challenging relationship ..because there is a delicate balance when you are Master and slave. I read some comments from previous posts.. and there was one that stuck out to me the most... he talked about how he would treat his slaves if he had one.. and about how my Master should be concerned that I have a phone addiction...and he should take away all my social media.. and that just seems mean to me.. it shows that he has absolutely no feelings for his slave.. he wants to cut her off from everything and she must worship him forever.. If you are going into a relationship like this.. especially long distance.. and you don't trust your slave enough to allow her to have contact with friends and family.. then you are trash. I know my Master is much kinder than he.. and that he cares for me. I struggle with going deeper and surrendering all of my self to him...because my brain is constantly wondering what will happen in the future. I am scared.. what if I am a whole new person...and then we end things...and i just feel empty after years of having direction and someone there. I tend to overthink a lot.. its a curse. I hate it.. i wish I was someone who just lived day to day.. but there is always a what if for me.
I am going to try to be better about embracing each day..and just trying me hardest to let go of my worries.
I expressed my feelings to Master this morning and he told me not to be concerned with the way he writes...and that is just the way he was taught. And he gave me the option of having a free day with no orders.. but i didn't want that. I need to be a slave.. i finally feel like i have found a good balance of regular life and being a slave. I just want to keep going and see where this leads. I worry I will fall in love...or grow too deeply infatuated with my Master and he will not feel the same.. or will decide he wants someone closer or different. I hate feeling this way. Why do I do this to myself. I hope I don't have to reread this journal. Can we just lock it away and not talk about it. I feel vulnerable and raw for my Master.. and deeper than I have in a long time. It is hard to let people in when you've been damaged.. Don't break me please.. i know you won't intentionally.. I've said entirely too much... I am going to relax now...and let my emotions go for now.. if only I could get my feel to stop hurting too
Xoxo Slave
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skeppsbrott · 2 years
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Venting some frustrations about autism, social contacts in general and dating in particular below the cut, if you want to chat with me about it that'd be welcome X
I loathe to call it trauma because that seems like an incorrect usage of a quite serious term, but there are a few major experiences I carry with me from being a young autist in combination with a target of bullying from ages uuh 7-14, that I keep thinking I've moved past but which time and time again prove their grip on me.
The experience of "I thought everything was fine but it was not and I have no way of knowing whether the fault was mine and if so what I did wrong" I think is fundamentally human. Second guessing yourself and your impact on others is healthy. That said there is a difference where many of my allistic friends can tell themselves (or have others tell them) they are overthinking and most of the time be right whereas in my case, more often than not over the course of my life, that fear was very much founded and for many years I learned the hard way that I should second guess myself more than I thought. The result is that while I have become a much more socially competent person, it is at the expense of never resting in my ability to assess a situation, always being prepared for things (from my perspective) turning on a dime and really struggling with assigning the cause to anything but myself. This itself is not great for portraying yourself as a wonder of charm and charisma.
This time it was someone I matched with on Tinder who I, today, found out had unmatched me. It happens every so often and usually I just bite the disappointment of "this was an attractive and interesting person who for whatever reason decided the effort wasn't worth it" because it's so superficial anyway. I've unmatched people before. Whatever.
And yet.
Me and this person got directly into some shared passions, she complimented me multiple times, we agreed to meet and it was only after I suggested a different date from one she originally had to turn down that she unmatched me. I was a bit antsy because she was very, very slow to reply so I shared some screenshots with a friend to assure me that I wasn't actually crazy and that aside from the slow replies she seemed genuinely interested, looking back at them I feel none the wiser. I don't know. I explain slow replies with social anxiety or work hours or downplaying interest, I know I am not owed an explanation but I so, so wish for the politeness of a "thank you but for personal reasons I will have to decline". Just anything. Whatever. Maybe she got back together with an ex or maybe she never liked me and was just playing along or maybe her aunt died and she just removed herself off of the internet altogether or maybe she found out she knows someone I once hurt or maybe she has personal issues and couldn't handle following through.
I don't need to know. I genuinely don't expect strangers to reveal those kinds of things to me. But there is something about being ignored or left talking to the void that upsets me deeply. It makes me feel like that middle schooler that people were talking about but not to. It makes me feel like an alien, a wild beast in people's clothing, like everyone has noticed something I have not. Like adults switching to a different language when they talk about scary or important things they don't want their children to hear. Like my faults are inherent and not worth addressing because what is there to do about them? Nothing. It is the kind of thing you understand or you don't.
There is no purpose in self love. There is nothing about me inherently unlovable, repulsive, distasteful. I know this. I know my strengths and I acknowledge those and I prove in my friendships and familial and professional relationships their importance and usefulness and power. I am better than no man, and no man is better than I. All of this is true. I observe myself and in spite of bullies and exclusionary norms I see my own self worth, appreciate what and who I am, feel no shame in stating that. I am attractive in ways which are perhaps unremarkable but nonetheless fine and attractive. I have proven time and time again that I am capable of loving as well as of recieving love.
And yet.
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sequs-art-box · 3 years
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I rewrote this platonic sandycloak fanfic I did a while back. This one is way better I promise hdjfjdjf
"... I-I'm sorry…"
The words barely made their way out of Clay's lips. His eyes averted from the tall man that stood directly in front of him, fingers firmly gripping the brim of his hat.
Nothing but confusion was affixed on Burgh's face. 
"Sorry...? For what?" He inched closer, idling for an answer.
Shit- Hrrr nnnn UGH- Dammit- Don't apologize! That's just gonna bewilder 'im more! What the hell do I even say now!? Clay's mind was racing to find a proper response, but nothing came to his head. 
Great.
What was there to say anyway? He can't just blurt out an "I don't feel the same." That would crush him. But at the same time, they've only known each other for…. 
His thoughts seemed to be overwhelming him; he didn't register that his hands were being clenched by Burgh until it was too late. It made him snap back into reality in an instant; he felt the slightest crimson in his cheeks as his eyes automatically became glued at the artist's worried gaze once again.
Burgh let out a delicate sigh, tugging Clay's arduous hands into his chest. The fabric of his shirt was as soft as always…
He wished he could say the same for his stare. 
"Please, if you have something to say, say it. I can take it." Clay can sense the anxiety in his voice.
This reassurance doesn't feel right. It didn't even make him feel alleviated. Why… Why was it so difficult to spill your guts out? He knows he ain't one to sugarcoat things. And Burgh knows how cold he can be. C'mon. Jus' be honest. Get it over with. Stop bein' a fuCKIN-
stop.
Maybe it was because of the person who was standing in front of him. Yeah, that was… Definitely it. He couldn't help it. Not that anyone would be able to. Especially considering how close they were.
Hmph.
Clay couldn't handle these raw emotions any longer. If it's gonna end like this, so be it.
He gradually slid his hands out of the other man's soft grasp. A harsh sigh followed soon after.
"Look… Burgh… We've known each other fer… Six, er... Eight months. An' I never got t' know anyone else like ya in years. I don' really know how t' put it, but… Ya make me feel special..." He scoffed. 
A man like Clay, considered to be a ruthless businessman, actin' like a big ol' softie. He doesn't show this side often, which made him feel hilariously stupid.
Even if it flustered him, A smile cracked onto the miner's face; it was pointless to try and hide it. Being genuine was the way to go. Besides, his friend knew him too well anyway.
These words gave Burgh a rush of relief, as his gaze of anxiety slowly started to fade away into the adoring smile the businessman always remembered. Now it was his turn for his cheeks to turn red.
 "I could say the same thing about you. This is why I- l-like you so much..." 
The other man chuckled. "Heh, I really like ya too. But…" Oh gosh.
"But…?"
"But- I- Eh-"
Clay struggled yet again, but he knew he dug too deep to back out.
The only thing that was keeping him from collapsing under the weight of the shame he felt was Burgh...
Don' blow this now.
"... Eight months is a long while, 't really is. We've grown closer than ever durin' that period since- I've learnt so much 'bout ya. Yer an amazin' person, Burgh, and spendin time with ya is somethin' I wouldn't trade fer anythin' in the world. Yet, I ain't really ready to move on from what we got right now. Got a lot on my plate, y'know…?"
He looked up at the artist to see if he was listening, which was a mistake because he caught him quietly staring with curiosity and compassion. Clay's blush had to be obvious now.
He cares about ya. Keep goin'...
"And... 'm happy that ya said what ya wanted to say. You knew keepin' it in any longer would've caused a couple hiccups. I like that about ya.. But like I said a few seconds ago, I don' think I'm emotionally prepared, so... If ya could please jus' gimme a bit more time fer this t' play out a little longer, fer me t' process this a little better, I'd really appreciate it…"
Shoving the weight of nervousness off his shoulders, Clay could finally relax a little and proceeded to gently lace their fingers together. 
Silence.
The tiniest of tears made its way out of Burgh's eyes. He placed his other hand on top of the one laced with Clay's. Despite what he does for a living, his hands felt softer than he thought. How is that even possible...
"I- I'm sorry too…"
Huh?
"Clay, I- I shouldn't have tried to rush into things like that. I just… Thought we really had something already…"
"W-we do, b-"
"I know. But I never knew how you'd take it. I tend to overthink things, and…. Agh…" He felt his cheeks getting warmer every second, and moved a hand over his face in embarrassment, swiftly brushing his hair with his fingers. "I don't know why I didn't comprehend how much time you really needed, but… I'm glad you didn't push me away when you had every right to." 
They didn't realize it, but they were unconsciously trekking closer and closer while they conversed. 
Clay rested his hand on Burgh's shoulder. He never had a more bold, yet reassuring stare in his life.
"Hey, c'mon. Don' apologize fer all that hooey. I get it. As long as we know our boundaries movin' forward, I ain't gonna push you away. Ever.  I'm hopin' ya know that this won't change anythin' between us, okay?"
The other man couldn't help but smile, as he caressed the big guy in a hug.
"Of course."
The two stood there, simply enjoying the warmth of each other. This is the first time they actually hugged. It felt… Exhilarating...
"I jus' need some time…" he whispered against his shoulder.
"And I'll give you all the time you need." Burgh replied, placing a tiny peck on his cheek.
...
"Thanks…"
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poptartmochi · 3 years
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15, 36 and 56 for the ask game! 🌼💖
ohhh celina!!! 🥺 thank you for these! <3 i struggled with the first one a bit and it's kind of 😬negative?😬 but I made a good recovery from there! anyhow, i hope you are well and that this week goes swimmingly for you! <3
prompt
15. personality description
the way this one makes me feel like dio... hohoo you're approaching me! 👀 i'm actually terrible at describing myself so!! wish me luck! i think the best way to describe myself would be like a flurry, i'm just. A Mess haha. I'm always thinking and thinking and overthinking and sometimes this can be good, like when I'm writing, but most times it's 😬 not healthy! I feel like I'm intangible, or maybe wishy-washy. i have bad memory and I never Really Know how i feel about mundane things, and my mood often flips from sulky to peachy on the drop of a hat. I try to think and be positive to pull myself up outta the slump, but outwardly I think it makes me come off like I'm overcompensating.. actually I'm not even sure that's true- a lot of my performing arts kids have said I'm like a squirrel, in that I'm kind of always stressed and trying to balance and/or jump from one thing to another. but that was 3 years ago and I think or at least hope I've mellowed out since then?
ultimately, I really don't know! T w T I think my defining personality trait is anxiety, and everything else kind of gets lost in that sauce, if that makes sense?
36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?
this one!! alongside the 5 things that make you happy question! these are the 🥺😭🙌🏼 (i don't have the finger purse [fun fact: i had NO idea what this gesture was called before this lmao] emoji on desktop so i hope those make sense XD) questions, I feel like they reflect who a person is SO well 🥺🥺 here are my three!
live within driving distance to the ocean.. the closer the better 😈😈
visit Vietnam with my mom+ ideally my grandma!
develop a decent ASMR channel! (once i get some confidence, it's over for the dust that's been on my yt channel since 2018 😈)
56. favourite food(s)
ohhhhhhhh this. >:) you have opened pandora's box my friend!! I have so many, but I think gỏi cuốn is my all-time favorite! whenever my mom makes those i fr inhale them and every time it almost ends in me choking (since the noodles + rice wrapper Should Not Be Inhaled), but I never learn... my passion for them is immeasurable and I need to learn how to make them! From there I think it goes to chili, specifically my brother-in-law's chili ^^ There's just something about the way he makes it that hits different- thankfully I've made this one many times so I will never be without it muahahaha! I'm a big fan of soups, so many of my favorite foods are soup... pho, chao, wonton, tortilla.... sos! During quarantine, my sister made this like?? Dorito? nacho?? casserole thing? that was actually heavenly and I've been hardcore yearning for it since I came home... OH banh xeo is SO good too! beyond full-on dishes, I typically love things that are Crunchy- corn nuts, sunflower seeds, takis lmao. it's like a primordial Need to crunch on things and I couldn't tell you why! 😆
OH also i forgot........dairy my belovie my enemy..... dairy gets its own little section because i have the lack toes n'taller ants 😔😔 but i eat milky/cheesy things anyways 😈😈 some of my faves in this category are linguini alfredo my fucking BELOVED 😭😭😭😭💗 queso burgers from chili's (although I need to learn how to make them myself bc theirs kinda sucks D:), cheese + broccoli soup, the aforementioned tortilla soup..... so much love in my heart for these, but so much pain in my stomach, too(;´д`)ゞ
adding this bit in after tags.... bun thit nuong cha gio (which for my entire life, i imagined was spelt bun tit nun chaio..... help) is conceptually very very good but I have yet to have one that Hits The Spot.. despite this, I Know when i do get that conceptual bun thit nuong cha gio i Will fucking Lose It on the Spot
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himbowelsh · 4 years
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I love your writing! I don't think I have seen him yet, so sweet Carwood Lip please for the Valentine's alphabet, if you have the time 💖
valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )
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A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?
He has a very gentle presence, which allows him to share space with someone without being overwhelming. Lip’s love languages are quality time  ---  he thrives in being around people, actively listening to them and getting to know them  ---  and acts of service. Once he knows them well, he’s able to be there for them, doing little things to help them out when they need it most. Lip is a generous guy to begin with, but he’s at his best when able to do things for others. He’s a giver. While not shy about physical affection, he uses it strategically, more to reinforce his presence than be excessively affectionate.
B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?
He has a special fondness for flowers, in the “I should probably not be left alone to grow any of them myself” way. He enjoys looking at them, and his mother maintained a lovely garden which he helped with on occasion, under her strict supervision. Bouquets are a favorite gift, and he’s likely to show up with a nice one to any special occasion.
C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?
He’s not a big fan...  so he’d claim, 'til he spots a bowl of brownie batter, at which point he must be fought off with the nearest ladle.
D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?
He wouldn’t mind something simple and quiet  ---  maybe a night at home, where he gets to surprise his partner with a homemade dinner. He’d light some candles, get out the nice silverware, and just enjoy the time with his partner; afterwards, they’d go out onto the porch with mugs of coffee or tea, drinking in the quiet night. He’s also partial to visits to museums. Being surrounded by art gives him a certain sense of peace, an insight into humanity as more than it currently is; that’s something he’d love to share with his partner.
E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?
It’s all about the arms, man. We knows this. He had the arms of a bear-faced god, and isn’t afraid to use them. Being hugged by Lip is like curling up by a fire, under your comfiest blanket, with a good book and a warm drink. He makes people feel safe.
F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?
Shy boy. Flirting is definitely not where he excels, and he’s too guileless to do it properly. Just...  approaching a stranger and winking at them? “Chatting them up”? That’s...  uncomfortable.He’s the sort of guy to buy people drinks at the bar and genuinely not expect anything in return, though it’d be nice if they did. Lip is much more flirtatious once actually in a relationship  ---  he jokes and teases in a charming, restrained way that’s utterly him.
G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?
He’s a very thoughtful gift giver, who takes the time to observe what people need, and genuinely listens to them when they talk about things they’re looking for. Unconsciously, he keeps mental lists of gift ideas for all the people in his life, and refers to them whenever a birthday or holiday comes up. He’s not excessive with his gifts, but they’re always just right. (Except when it comes to clothes. He should never be allowed to pick out clothes for other people, especially women’s clothing.)
H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?
He cares for a lot of people, but Lip is always cautious; his heart is a carefully guarded thing, and once he trusts someone with it, he wants to know that they’re the right person. His heart is won gradually, over a period of coming to know and love a person better. 
I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?
He finds it very easy, as soon as he knows it within his own heart. Lip could absolutely be the first one to say it in a relationship  ---  and wouldn’t be discouraged if his partner didn’t immediately say it back, because everything comes in it’s own time. He’d rather it be natural than forced in the moment. Lip doesn’t say it constantly, but every time he does, the words carry twice their original meaning.
J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?
While certainly not intimidated easily, Lip has a jealous streak he goes to great efforts to smother. It’s not gentlemanly, it’s not always sensible, and certainly not something to make a scene in public over...  but he might pointedly capture his partner’s attention if he feels it straying, and try to discuss things in private afterwards. He doesn’t like this part of himself, but he can get a bit defensive sometimes.
K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?
Lip...  thinks he’s a worse kisser than he is. He underestimates himself. Sometimes overthinking gets the better of him; he’s hyperconscious of where his hands are, what his partner’s body is doing, how they’re responding, whether he’s being gentlemanly or over-forceful...  Lip’s kisses tend to be restrained and respectful, not assuming anything. The farthest he’ll go is sucking on his partner’s lip a little, just to test their response. Whatever response they give, and whatever lead they take, he’ll go from there. Given the proper cues,
L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?
His mother and brother, absolutely; his friends, completely; his neighbors, because he’s the sort of guy who knows his neighbors’ names, and helps Old Mrs. Huston down the street with her groceries every week; and his partner, with all his heart, if he were to have one.
M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?
He’s at his most sappy romantic mid-morning, when the sun’s high in the sky and the world is finding its rhythm. Getting to spend a quiet morning in with his partner sounds like heaven.
N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?
He’s willing to follow his partner anywhere they want to take him; Lip can never be comfortable until he’s sure his partner is, and is sure of what they want. Now, if they want him to be dominant, he’ll do it gladly...  but he’ll never be rough. He’s very into hearing his partner talk during sex, mostly because he wants to keep tabs and know how they’re doing; but if his partner’s the one who seizes control, Lip runs out of words very quickly. Harsh breathing, moans even when he tries to hold them back, eyes squeezed shut to cling to his self-control... into hand holding during sex.  He’s a very physical lover, with a lot of stamina; sometimes leaves bruises without meaning to and feels guilty afterwards  (aftercare with Lip is like going to a spa). Occasionally he enjoys music to set the mood, or even candlelight, but Lip’s versatile. If his partner’s up for it, he can rumble pretty much anywhere.
O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?
He’s a surprisingly skilled writer, and can be quite eloquent when he puts his mind to it. Though plainspoken by nature, Lip’s written a few poems for his private collection, and would definitely try his hand at love poetry for his partner. They’re not half-bad.
P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?
Lip kind of wants someone who can keep him on his toes a bit. For as steady as he is, he’s drawn to unpredictable people, with a healthy sense of humor. Someone who appreciates quiet, but knows exactly when to fill it; someone who isn’t afraid of responsibility or commitment. A hard worker; someone who can carry an intelligent conversation, and is naturally a thinker. If they share common interests, like literature/museums/engineering, he’d be absolutely delighted. Above all else, Lip’s drawn to people with beautiful smiles, even if they don’t show it off that often.
Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?
Call him traditional (it’s valid, cause he is) but Lip would like to be the one to pop the question. As soon as he decides that, yes, he wants to spend the rest of his life with this person, Lip’s next step is to evaluate  ---  do they feel the same way? He spends a while overthinking this question before finally deciding to just take the leap and buy a ring. The proposal will come in a quiet moment, when he and his partner are both feeling equally at peace. If his partner beats him to it, he’ll be surprised, of course...  but either way, the end result is the same. If it means spending
R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?
He wishes he were more romantic...  but, unfortunately, practicality is ingrained in this man’s bones. He’ll definitely surprise his partner with bouquets on occasion, and thinks very carefully about gifts, but he’s not the ‘spontaneous romantic adventure’ sort.
S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?
He had a few middle school crushes that never went anywhere; that’s as far as Little Lip’s love life ever went. He bore a lot of responsibility from a young age, so never really had time to mess around.
T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?
He...  would have to see it firsthand to believe in it, but he believes in individual cases of it. Like, his mother and father  ---  that was true love. Lip saw the way they looked at each other, so there’s not a doubt in his mind. He doesn’t believe it’s everywhere, or even common, but in certain cases true love definitely exists. Maybe it’s out there for him, too...  he hopes so.
U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?
In a romantic relationship? Not...  not really. Lip’s got a strong heart. It’s endured a lot, and can endure more.
V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?
He’s a very proper “dinner date and a box of chocolates” type, so would go out of his way to do something nice for a partner, but doesn’t make much of the day himself.
W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?
Yes, this is absolutely something he wants! Lip’s given it a lot of thought, and the idea of raising his own family appeals greatly to him; he lost his father at such a young age that he really wants to be a constant, supportive presence in his childrens’ lives. And, more than anything, he wants to spend a lifetime with someone he loves. That would make any future struggles and past strifes worth it.
X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?
Very conservative with them. “Sweetheart” or dimunitives of someone’s name is probably as far as he’d go.
Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?
Again, yes, and he doesn’t like it about himself! Of course, Lip would move mountains when the people he loves need help  ---  there’s no shame in that  ---  but when it comes to his partner, he can get territorial. Seeing someone threaten his partner is one of the few things he’ll get angry about, and a pissed off Carwood Lipton is not something anyone wants to confront firsthand.
Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?
Not a lot. He went to college for a short time, and that was really where he was able to let loose; while still a diligent student, he went to a few parties and met a few girls. So, by the time of the war, maybe three partners? Enough that he’s not nervous in bed, and has a good idea what goes where.
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