#i love ny parents

[im2tired4usernames]

My parents should be fuckin ashamed

#you borrow 80 bucks then can only find me 21 back then i put that 21 into good for your kids then spend the rest of my paycheck getting #diapers pull ups medicine more food for kids and then i fill up the 15 passenger van and then when dad asks why i don't have money to eat #on my lunchbreaks at work like I'm some over spending wild irresponsible bitch when he's the one going to concerts and paying for fancy dat #s and jewelry for his gf and buying groceries for her but you know it's fine #take all my time and energy #so that i literally am a zombie and fall asleep on the very very very limited free time i get #(after doin extra chores to earn said free time) #wo that i fall asleep half way in which isn't fair to my partner and isn't fair to me #take all my income so i cant afford anything #take all my time #take all my energy #YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED YOU GROOMED ME AND MESHED THE FAMILY'S ENTIRE LIFE STYLE FOR ME TO BE LIKE THIS #I CANT MAKE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS BECAUSE I JUST CAN NOT FUNCTION IF I'M NOT GIVING EVERYTHING TO SOMEONE #IT SUCKS I HATE IT #THEY'LL NEVER ADMIT THEY FUCKED ME OVER #EVER #THEY'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING TO FIX IT OR CHANGE #AND I HAVE NO HOPE FOR ANY CHANGES #MY LITTLE SIBLINGS SEE WHAT I DO FOR THEM AND THEY HUG ME AND TELL ME HOW MUCH THEY LIVE ME #'thank you so much for taking care of us' that tell me all the time 'you do so much for us' #it breaks my heart i wish i could give them the world i love them so much they deserve so much better #my mom lost her chance to be decent my dad better learn soon otherwise all his kids minus his favorite will hate him #i love ny parents #and i know they live me and my siblings #but they groomed me into the most miserable personification of elder daughter syndrome and they should be ashamed for what they've done #and be ashamed that they sucked so bad that they're own child had to step up

[quasieli]

I wish I could convince my family to get a puppy. I need companionship and having a puppy to take care of would be so good for me.

#Eli Speaks #i downloaded and then immediately uninstalled petfinder #i cant do this to myself #cause i know its not gonna happen #a) it's really expensive #and b) my parents (esp my mom) are p adamant about not getting another pet after losing maddie #i know it could me so much good #but ofc i cant really do anything that'll be beneficial to my mental health and life... #like i said yesterday #i just want a friend #and i know my parents would love it if we got a puppy #but convincing them would be an uphill battle #esp since i plan on moving back to ny #cause id want to be responsible for this dog #but moving 1000+ miles with a dog (and finding a place that allows dogs) is gonna be a whole thing #it's not impossible #but it def makes things harder #why is anything that can make me even a little happy so fucking hard

[novaae]

my class teacher sent us a pdf he personally made wishing all of us and for a moment it flared up my daddy issues again because uhhh my CT is a very. commanding personality who does stuff for my issues with my father being absent/hitting me.

but uh.

my surname is my fathers name and he calls me by my surname so the wish for me was "ROCK ON (DADS NAME)"

awugh i can truly never win

#today was emotionally confusing because this was the like. first time ny dad texted me in months to wish me luck for exam tomorrow #killing myself violently i wish i had realised pre age 15 that my real male figure to get love from was my grandpa #i have many daddy issues i should talk about them sometimes #theres a reason im stuck between making self inserts for bumi to parent/self inserts for him to fuck etc eyc #rei rambles

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

If you know any Tumblr tans boys who want a bf lmk, it would help my hunt lol /nf

I feel like you know more people than me, so you might be better at it

ough i think the only one would be me/j and my emotionally constipated no-time-having ass could not handle a relationship lmao

if anyone who follows me is available, go hit up chase babes xx

#eel gets asks! #as much as i would love a bf #a) if ny parents found out i would actually be taken out back and shot/hj #and b) i do not have the emotional capacity or time to keep up with a relationship rn </3 maybe someday ill find me a bf

[enteragoodnamehere]

Look at my horrible low quality Amazon knock off son I got for Christmas

#cicada screams #rain world #<- for my own tagging purposes sorry gamers #ny parents were gonna get me an official one but the downpour guys aren’t coming out till next year (& my dad decided to be a weirdly racist #piece of shit for some reason) so instead I got. he #my son who has every disease #I have such mixed feelings abt him. on one hand I love him he’s so silly looking but on the other. dunno how I feel about why I got him and #not an official one y’know? #idk merry Christmas

[sillypilled-friendcel]

"what do you know about drinking" "what do you know about smoking" "what do you know about weed" "what do you know about drugs" you do not know me or my life!!!!!!

#hes always like “what do you know” and then theres a chance hell call me the r slur #and like. i was a smoker for 4 years. i was an alcoholic for 6. #i did speed in muddle school #i smoked pot and had edibles. i had edibles woth my fucking parents. #amd then he complains that i have a vape (bought with my own money!!) and that my parents give me alcohol now (they gave my sisters alcohol #at 13!!) #like he smoked and drank around my suster with cigarettes and drinks my parents bought her #but the moment ma buys me a vaoe with ny own money or i have any experience drinking its awful #i guess its because shes sooo mature and hard working and ik just a disrespectful kid #even tho im a fucking adult now and he never had any right to treat me half the way he did/does #“i treat her like i treat my 10 year old brother” srsly. srsly?? am i 10 now? am i your 10 yr old baby brother now? no. im 18 fucking years #old and i had a totally different life experience than your brother when i was 10 too. we are not related. that is NOT what they meant when #they said to treat me like your younger sister. fuck you. fuck off. #also. im SORRY to your brother if this is how you treat him. but it fucking isnt. your kind to him. you play with him. u fckng LOVE him #while ur an absolute abusive POS towards me #u literally talk shit about me! too my friends!! what? u think my bestie since 6th grade and my cousin ive known all my life are gonna agree #with you? how fucking stupid can u be? #also. u r not the expert on disability just becuz u lost half ur foot and have adhd. ur extremely fucking ableist actually #“i could play sports and so cpukd this guy with a pacemaker i knew so no disability is ever an excuse you can do anything and also im gonna #call you (an autistic person) a retard and say the n word constantly and call children n word lettes!!!! becuz i am a totally normal and wel #well adjusted individual!!!“ #i hope someone hears you say half the shit you say and fucking jumps your ass #and i hope those fuckings pigs u love so much dont do shit for you #you ableist racist transphobic homophobic intersexist bigoted piece of fucking shit #like. if a form of bigotry exjsts he fucking loves it. #god. fuck you. fuck you fuck you. #i hope you fucking kill yourself

[bean-pronounced-bawn]

I have leftovers. I ate out for lunch. I want to order food for dinner

#I'm moving out this week and I got rid of my couch which makes me sad bc I don't really have anywhere else comfortable to sit #besides my bed and maybe my desk chair for short periods of time #and I hate eating in bed and my desk chair isn't the same vibe as the couch ofc #so now I gotta either eat at a table (gross) #eat in bed (gross) #or eat at my desk (gross) #my desk is being picked up tomorrow and I will likely be dismantling my bed frame tomorrow as well #aside from large furniture pieces I actually don't have much left in ny apartment #I've been slowly sending it back home with my parents every time they visit #I got most of my miscellaneous stuff in one box #probably one or two boxes for clothes #and a box or two for kitchen items (awkward shaped may be hard to fit in one box) #I don't want to leave I love it here and I'm sad #anyway

[emersonfreepress]

For the Fight Poll, I'm from New York and uh yeah the children throw down worse than rabid raccoons lol. If two kids or god forbid friend groups had beef you could expect a fight to occur between them at any time with literally no warning. 7 am at the bus stop? Valid, 10am in a math class? Yessir, on the bus going home? Of course. Usually two people fighting will evolve into a jumping if the friends are near by and it's so bad here at least that teachers will just wait till the kids tire out and won't jump to stop it unless a weapon gets brought out or killing intent is there. At one point two different schools had lock Downs at the same time in my area cause one had a massive brawl in the cafeteria between around 10 kids at once and the other had a girl get jumped in the main office by like 3 girls plus those girl's parents. It is WILD in these halls lmaoooo

ohh yes... I didn't go to school in NY but I'm from NY originally and have plenty of family there so 😂 I'm aware

down in NoVA, the teachers were pretty much the only ones that stopped fights at my school. any that weren't in the cafeteria or like near buses. even though we had literal security on campus 🙄

#for what lol #lovely anon #fight poll #so glad i didn't grow up in ny i would have been a v v angry child #well. angrier 😂 #the MAIN OFFICE #with PARENTS INVOLVED #smdh #ny stay triflin i s2g lol

[irregularbillcipher]

anyway i don’t have any baggage to work through about being born with severe unexpected birth defects why do you ask

#to be clear my parents were not perfect but loved me very much #and always did their best to take care of my physical health #i don’t want to imply otherwise between the irregularity stuff #and ny characterization with jimmy and joeys mom #and terry’s family #my parents and I had our issues but they pretty much always did the best they could wrt my disabilities #even when they messed up they really and truly cared #but man. it sucks knowing you were not the kid they expected or were hoping for from day one #even when they don’t outwardly say it… anyway shapes!!!

[faeriebabee]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY CONDENSED THE FIRST TWO BOOKS OF LOCKWOOD & CO. INTO EIGHT (8) EPISODES???!!! death by electric chair

#driving to my parents house immediately to get ny copy of the books and wrute an essay about they ruined the pacing #anyway yeah i binged the first 7 episodes and only stopping to go a study group #love this show even if it is Wrong #jenna talks to herself

[xamaxenta]

Sometimes i feel like im lying

#how can i be ny authentic self when i feel like a failure and a fake and liar #i just have so little love for myself #ever look in the mirror and go oh whos that #thats me the stranger in the mirror concepr #i look at my reflection and ????? whos that idk who that is #depersonalisation disorder? #i mean i dont like looking at myself anyway because i just see all the things my parents conditioned me to thing was wrong #i need to let go idk how though

[buckleydiazmp4]

.

#i miss my parents so much #we're not even. like #i just mean like i'm not living alone or anything but i'm not living with them anymore #and like. even if i did #or like if i wanted to be with them right now it's logistically not difficult #they live like an hour away at most #but i'm like. #ugh i don't know how to. word this #i can't. have them the way i want to anymore because i'm not. y'know. a child #i am also not a full adult though and i #i had them. um. all to myself?? (i don't know how else to say it??) for the biggest chunk of my life #until my brother was born #and i love him. with ny heart and soul i would do anything for that kid #but sometimes i feel like a kid as well and i realize that that place i had when i actually was one is just. gone #it's miserable and lonely and it makes me feel pathetic and i don't know what i'm even typing right now #or why i'm typing it. i just #i miss something that i cant have and it shouldn't be that serious it's really stupid but i wanna cry

[borderlinegerard]

i always want you when im finally fine. how youd be over me looking in my eyes when i come. someone to watch me die.

#journal #my posts #i can be sooo notmal right mow. i can sooo not relapse righr nmow #i hate yoy and i hope you die snd you are lowkey making my life hell 👍 #but somehow i got stuck in the crazy ex category #literally need to die so bad.lol lol lol lol lol lol #there is nooo way im livinf to see the end of high school and imjust like. its kinda way shocking that i even made it this far #like jfc it was bad from the start.the second i gotto this city #he made me a worse cersion of myself and he kinda just gets to chill with the fact thatbhe Broke Me #he was. not good to me thiugh ? #pretty sure he liked anither guy 👍 #but uts so stuoid because yiu were just some random 16 year old. how did i let you mess me up so badly #it all felt Fully misleading because it all started without me knowiny what inwas gettingmyself into #at least i won the “i love yoy more” game. thats for sure #fucking hate that i flinch at the sound of uour name and i cant listen to that aong #that i stuoidly labelled as: our song #i shouldve know that Nothing js permanenr with you #i shouldve known that all ikl ever be is a : remmever him? #j was one wildsummer. i hope it ws worth the next three winters of hurt youve boigjt me #a d i know you balme everyrhinf on your shitty parents. but i had shitty parents too #maybe its ny fault for loving you like a dog. but maybe uts also your fault for mot tellung me to stop #i really diubt ill ever know anyone luke you again and for that i an so gratefuk #thanks for being a warning sign at the very least #Spotify

[bassia-bassensis]

This is my favorite thing

#i love you so much #i want to take it home but ny parents said no #but we have been feeding him a lot of tuna so he is getting stronger #damn he was so frail now looks so much better #cats #bassem posting

[gardenstateofmind]

i mean if you have a good relationship with your parents, yes they should have an opinion on your relationships? if the people who care about you most in the world don't approve of the person you are spending your life with, then that's a sign that perhaps that person isn't the best for you

#and i stress good relationship not loving relationship #bc parents can genuinely love you but still be shitty parents ofc #anyway my mom is overly sensitive about any slight towards me #so she literally has a fit over just my friends #and usually i have to like try to reason with her lol #but if she were to stand her ground on it and say that person is not good to you #then yeah i would absolutely re-examine ny relationship with that person #personal

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Moving! Moving in two months! Working on moving when I was literally doing this shit exactly a year ago! *SCREAM*

#so im actually feeling so good and normal about this #im feeling so so cool about getting rid of a bunch of my belongings #asking my roommate if she wants them. then listing them on marketplace. or donsting them #i love deciding whoch of my belongings are important enough to go with me back to my hometown #whoch ones are worth the trouble of weathering the 18 hour move #i just got unpacked (never even fully unpacked tbh) and now im packing up again #i just got done buying furniture again. i have a bed frame now #i had to get rid of a lot during the last move because i couodnt afford a uhaul so i just packed it all in my van #and whatever didnt fit didnt go. now my dad is bringing a uhaul trailer #so i dont have to get rid of as much. but still some. theres a lot of clutter #but i think generated clutter is a sign of a home #idk im just feeling so weird because last May i moved. and now this May im moving again #ive only spent a year here. and im not sad to leave. this city isnt right for me. its just weird #i think moving kills a part of your soul and i dont mean that poetically i mean i feel like dying rn #moving is so fucking stressful and i just super don't like it #'but austyn if you dont like movong then why have you never spent more than 1.5 years in the same place #for the last four years?' stfu i didnt ask for this #its worse because im moving back in with my parents into my childhood home. which is gonna be super great for ny mental health #but on the bright side ill be able to see my old psychiatrist and therapist again! had to srop when i moved halfway across the country #its fine. its all gonns be fine #my sibling and i just did a lot of cleaning and decluttering and listing shit on marketplace today #it killed a little bit of my soul i think