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#i probably had this dream bc i watched key's concert before going to sleep
yohankang · 11 months
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i had a dream that i went with my mom to a shopping centre and i heard key's song there so i got all excited and told my mom that he's someone i love and then we went to a bookstore and i saw that a book about jonghyun is a bestseller. the cover was beige with grey letters and there was his picture in white hair. i was surprised because i didn't know a book was coming out
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kayliemusing · 3 years
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30
1: Name - Kaylie
2: Age - 23
3: 3 Fears - Spiders, failure, loss
4: 3 things I love - Reading, writing, Taylor Swift
5: 4 turns on - Kindness, nice hands, humor, someone who has a really warm heart.
6: 4 turns off - Arrogance, moustaches lmao, narcissism, basket ball shorts *shudders*
7: My best friend - Her name is Megan (but also my mom lmao)
8: Sexual orientation - Heterosexual
9: My best first date - I have never been on a date.
10: How tall am I - 5'2
11: What do I miss - My childhood mostly
12: What time were I born - 2:45 pm
13: Favorite color - Red, but sometimes a nice summery, pastel yellow
14: Do I have a crush - no
15: Favorite quote - I have so many that I can't say my utmost favourite, but one that I always think about is from Richard Siken "He was pointing at the moon but I was looking at his hand." I'm not even sure how this is supposed to be interpreted, but I just love the detail of this. Of someone looking at the moon and pointing at it, but you're looking at their hand because you're that consumed by them and also they're like your moon. anyway-
16: Favorite place - My house lol
17: Favorite food - Cheesecake
18: Do I use sarcasm - Yes, but very dryly
19: What am I listening to right now - Nothing actually. I'm just sitting in the quiet.
20: First thing I notice in new person - I used to think it was physical, like eyes or their smile, but I think it's actually their demeanor. i.e., confidence, if they're laid back, talkative or quiet, etc. Or even just how they handle things. Like when I'm at work and I meet a new co-worker I'm always noticing how they are with people.
21: Shoe size - 6.5 US but I can manage a 7 US too.
22: Eye color - Grey
23: Hair color - Ashy blonde, but I usually get it highlighted to be a brighter blonde
24: Favorite style of clothing - I'm super into the French girl vibe right now (elegany, classy, ribbed sweaters tucked into high waisted jeans or dress pants, a blazer thrown over and a nice gold necklace) but I'm also really into a summery boho look (flowy maxi dresses and skirts)
25: Ever done a prank call? No
27: Meaning behind my URL - On this account, it's just my name and then 'muses' because this account is just me talking to myself tbh. My main account is called autumnsletters which is just a combo of my fav things: autumn and handwritten love letters, and finally, my embarrassing taylor swift account is called sixteenavenue which is a lyric from her song I Think He Knows where she mentions her heart skipping down sixteenth avenue.
28: Favorite movie - I feel like i don't have one answer bc I always have a different answer to this question lmao. I think it's called A Christmas Carol (the 2009 version w/ Jim Carrey). It just makes me feel cozy and warm inside. Also: Clueless.
29: Favorite song - All Too Well by Taylor Swift I think.
30: Favorite band - Of Monsters and Men
31: How I feel right now - I actually feel really happy today, which is a change lol. I had an awful week last week, but over the last couple of days I've just felt more creative and happier.
32: Someone I love - My mom
33: My current relationship status - Single
34: My relationship with my parents - Excellent.
35: Favorite holiday - Christmas
36: Tattoos and piercing i have -0 :'(
37: Tattoos and piercing i want - I want to get my ears pierced again bc the holes grew over. Low key want a nose piericing and low key want a tattoo on my collarbone (or somewhere around there)
38: The reason I joined Tumblr - Because everyone else had it and I felt left out LOL
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - I don't have an ex
40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - No
41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - No i've never been kissed rip
42: When did I last hold hands? - never but it's ok bc i can hold my own hand
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Depending on what I'm doing. If I showered the night before and I'm just doing a very low-maintenance look, roughly 15-20 mins. On a normal day in which I shower in the morning and am trying to actually be presentable, roughly an hour.
44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? - Have YOU shaved MY legs? No. Have I shaved my own? Yes
45: Where am I right now? - My room
46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - Most likely I'm not drunk, but IF I WAS, it would be my friend, my mom, or my sister (my sister would probs make fun of me and film me tho tbh)
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - Loud if I'm jamming with nothing else to do but sing along. If I'm trying to do something, I'll turn it down bc I can't focus with loud music (especially if I'm trying to write something/talk to someone/text someone)
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - My mom bc my dads dead
49: Am I excited for anything? - My sister and I are going to Banff in about three weeks so I'm excited for a getaway.
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - No
51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - I work in retail so
52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - I don't know. I think I hugged my mom at some point this week lol
53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - Bye bye babyyyy
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - my cat
55: What is something I disliked about today? - I had to go to work
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - Taylor Alison Swift baby
57: What do I think about most? - Probably Taylor Swift.
58: What’s my strangest talent? - I can make stomach gurgling noises with my mouth closed.
59: Do I have any strange phobias? - Nah, pretty generic ones
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Behind the camera
61: What was the last lie I told? - Some lady asked if a product was good and I said yes so I wouldn't have to help her find another one
62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - Neither what the hell
63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - Neither
64: Do I believe in magic? - No
65: Do I believe in luck? - No
66: What's the weather like right now? - It's calm, but a little cloudy. It was really warm and sunny earlier, but it's gotten a little grey.
67: What was the last book I've read? - I just finished this series called The Winner's Curse by Marie Rutkoski and it was so good but so stressful omg. Still 5/5 stars.
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - Yes
69: Do I have any nicknames? - Not really, but sometimes my coworkers call my Kayls
70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? - Oh my god when I was like 10 I fell during grounders and the bar hit me right on the cooch. Most painful event of my entire life.
71: Do I spend money or save it? - Spend it bitch
72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - No
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - yes!! my blanket!!
74: Favorite animal? - I love hippos and I don't know why.
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - Reading on my phone to avoid sleeping so I could prolong not going to work
76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - Devil. Kind of like Satan The Devil is his full name
77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Shake It Off
78: How can you win my heart? - Learning Taylor Swift's entire discography for my sake
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - tbh I really don't know
80: What is my favorite word? - Wonderstruck
81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - n/a
82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - stream fearless taylor's version
83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no
84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - Healing
85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - N/A
86: What is my current desktop picture? - it's a misty forest
87: Had sex? - no
88: Bought condoms? - no
89: Gotten pregnant? - no
90: Failed a class? - yes
91: Kissed a boy? - no
92: Kissed a girl? - no
93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - no but it's a dream
94: Had a job? - I've had two so far
95: Left the house without my wallet? - Yes, sometimes I do it on purpose so I can make my mom pay for something lmao (chill i'm talking something small like candy)
96: Bullied someone on the internet? - no
97: Had sex in public? - no
98: Played on a sports team? - no
99: Smoked weed? - no
100: Did drugs? - no
101: Smoked cigarettes? - no
102: Drank alcohol? - yes
103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - no
104: Been overweight? - I feel overweight, but technically no
105: Been underweight? - No
106: Been to a wedding? - Yes
107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - Yes, but not since I was younger. I'm mostly on my phone now.
108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - Oh yeah lmao
109: Been outside my home country? - No
110: Gotten my heart broken? - Yes
111: Been to a professional sports game? - No
112: Broken a bone? - No
113: Cut myself? - Yes
114: Been to prom? - Sort of. I'm Canadian so I had grad.
115: Been in airplane? - No
116: Fly by helicopter? - No
117: What concerts have I been to? - Jonas Brothers when I was about 10 lmao and Marianas Trench when I was 15
118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - No
119: Learned another language? - Tried to
120: Wore make up? - Yes. I do work at a makeup store.
121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - no
122: Had oral sex? - no
123: Dyed my hair? - not a funky color, no
124: Voted in a presidential election? - Sort of; I voted for a prime minister
125: Rode in an ambulance? - Yes
126: Had a surgery? - No
127: Met someone famous? - No
128: Stalked someone on a social network? - No
129: Peed outside? - No
130: Been fishing? - No
131: Helped with charity? - Yes
132: Been rejected by a crush? - No bc I never fessed up to any crush lol
133: Broken a mirror? - No
134: What do I want for birthday? - A jewelry box
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sinceileftyoublog · 4 years
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Soft Plastics Interview: Collapse and Imagined Renewals
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Photo by Angela Fama
BY JORDAN MAINZER
The dissolution of beloved Victoria, BC indie rock band Frog Eyes didn’t mean the end of Carey Mercer, Mel Campbell, and Shyla Seller together. Months after Frog Eyes’ stunning conclusion, May 2018′s Violet Psalms and a farewell tour, Soft Plastics was formed. The new trio, born from Mercer’s morning writing exercises in a dream-like state (“between sleeping and waking” reads the description on Bandcamp), formed a thematic grimy underworld buoyed by a variety of genre influences. Their debut album 5 Dreams was released earlier this month, and it continues where Frog Eyes left off simply and importantly because of its instrumental cohesiveness yet boundless creativity. Almost 8-minute opener “St. Tosh the Actor” juxtaposes a shuffling beat with discernible trumpet. The beatific and ambient “I Dreamed of Cold Green Seas” shimmers into the concise pop of “The Party’s Still On”, which leads into the yelping wooziness of “Spartacus Please”. The penultimate “The Angels” is a waltz that leads into the epic “Wyld Thyng”, which combines acoustic guitar and electronic percussion, synthesizers, trailing electric guitars, and horn flutters. Tying it all together are Mercer’s beguiling lyrics that seem to reference the commonalities between his created world and where and how we live today.
I asked Mercer some questions about the record over email, and his answers were as wondrous as the record itself.
Since I Left You: Soft Plastics shares both band members and collaborators with Frog Eyes. Why does this band represent a new phase for you?
Carey Mercer: Names are so important. A name is an empty vessel to fill with meaning. The last name had run over with meaning, which is a way of saying its meaning was done. A name change & abandonment of the songs from the last project leaves me feeling free and breezy.
SILY: What were you hoping to externally communicate, if anything, with this project's debut record?
CM: I was not trying to communicate anything, I was working automatically and watching the dream-structure of roughly five situations or settings work themselves out.
SILY: For 5 Dreams, was it important for you to work with people you had worked with before?
CM: I live in a relatively middle-sized city, and an unliveable city. The sidewalks aren’t chock a block full of musicians. I also am persnickety and occasionally crotchety. 
I wanted to find people who had stuck it out, who had committed. I remember 10 years ago, touring with this insufferable band of Brooklyn youngsters, and the drummer bragging that he had made a graphed up power point presentation to his family as to why drumming in this band was a better fiscal move than going to business school. Oh, if I was a violent man...he would have had a throat punch to go with his graph.
That world is over. Good riddance?
SILY: Did anything specific inspire the lyrics, themes, and overall world of 5 Dreams? Or was it more of a general mood or feeling?
CM: It is both a general mood and feeling as well as having specific ecological and political themes of collapse and imagined renewals.
SILY: While the instrumentation on the record is dense, your vocals seemed to me to be more forward in the mix than I've ever heard from you. Was that a conscious mixing decision? If so, why was that important to you?
CM: Hunh, I thought the opposite. That’s fascinating to me: the myriad ways we all hear. Seeing is much more homogeneous, but hearing so much more mystical.
I went back to a dynamic microphone, the legendary [Electro-Voice RE20]; maybe by forward you mean “less diffuse” and more concentrated. I think a condenser microphone, the usual go-to for vocals, catches more of the room and is more ambient, like a open back guitar cabinet. It is less concentrated.
SILY: Every song on the record has a consistent palate of instruments, and even those that don't appear on every song appear on at least half the album. Do you think this gives the record a coherent aesthetic?
CM: I hope so.
SILY: Why did you decide to bookend the record with its two longest tracks? What was the inspiration behind the sequencing in general?
CM: Sequencing is a dark art, and I think that means something that requires skill but cannot be taught or even explained, except to say for vinyl you try and put your quietest or most spacious sound at the end of the record because the grooves get smaller. And I think you try not to have too many songs in the same key in a row. For me: Does it feel like a journey?
SILY: You open "Andre" by singing, "This town’s a fascist collective / And that’s why I live alone.” To what extent is this line inspired by the real world?
CM: It is the “what is”, to our collective horror.
SILY: On "I Dreamed of Cold Green Seas", you reference the titular characters of the closing track, "Wyld Thyngs". Who are the wyld thyngs?
CM: Creatures in nature unbound by law or civility.
SILY: "The Party's Still On" is probably the most concise pop song on the record, right in the middle. Is it like a palate cleanser, or divider between halves of the album?
CM: Yes.
SILY: On "The Party's Still On", you sing, "Does anybody believe the pure shit that falls naked from my tongue?” Could this line, too, exist outside of the world of the record? Is it self-deprecating?
CM: I am by nature a compulsive exaggerator, amplifying truths for pleasure.
SILY: When in your life were you first aware of the story of Spartacus? The Kubrick film?
CM: Yes, totally. I watched it with my son when he was 9 years old: Ivan’s suffering as Spartacus’ eyes shine brilliance in the darkness of his crucifixion had a marked impact on me.
SILY: In "Rope off the Tigers", you sing, “Rope off the tigers / They’ll spill the tea” and “They’re on bad E”. The reasons given for holding back the predators are that they're misbehaving. To what extent is this song and the album in general humorous and surreal?
CM: But, I can’t answer this question without undermining the humorous and surreal aspects of the record, Jordan.
SILY: What's the inspiration behind the title of the record?
CM: Having what felt like five dreams over and over again.
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SILY: What's the inspiration behind the album art?
CM: Our friend Jason Wright drew it whilst in Norway on an artist’s retreat. I “see” the record as the moments after a huge drench down, glimmering pools abound, the world is silver gelatin. The image is the record is the image is the record. I see an angel in there.
SILY: Are there or were there plans to play these songs live? What about live streams?
CM: Yes, all of that. We were sprinting in March to get our set together for an April concert.  
SILY: I read that you're already working on new music. Would this be a Soft Plastics project? How similar or different is it to the music on 5 Dreams?
CM: It is different in the sense that the writing was fairly automatic. Automatic enough, that I felt impressed by myself, by my subconscious or whatever fuels image clusters while we sleep.
Thanks Jordan.
5 Dreams by Soft Plastics
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lillesbianthatcould · 7 years
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answers to anon
Is a kiss considered cheating? yes
Have you ever faked orgasm? i don’t think so
If you could have one superpower, what would it be? FLY 100%
Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? haha definitely not
Tell us some funny drunk story. i’ve only been ‘drunk’ once and it wasn’t super exciting or anything. i remember running around in circles in the grass w/ my friends seeing how many i could do before i fell down or threw up lmfao
Why are you no longer together with your ex? well, i’ve had quite a few ex’s and none of them are even SLIGHTLY comparable to my current girlfriend. tbh no one ever could be in any way. she’s my soulmate and i wouldn’t trade her for the world.
If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? in my sleep, in bed with my gf holding my hand.
What are your current goals? to get through the next 6 months or so without too many hurdles, and to do exceedingly well with the certificate i’m planning to get in order to get a full-time job so i can live by my gf (:
Do you like someone? obviously yes ^^
Who was the last person to disappoint you? probably one of my old friends
Do you like your body? i’m beginning to honestly
Can you keep a diet? if i put all my effort into it, i’m sure i could manage. i just don’t want to lmao.
If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? love yourself first
Do you work? yep
If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? probably either cheese or potatoes
Would you get a tattoo? already have one, want soooo many more
Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? presents for my girlfriend or my friends
Can you drive? yes, i wouldn’t have a relationship if i couldn’t tbh
When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? uhhh idk
What was the last thing you cried for? a stupid reason lol
Do you keep a journal? yeah sorta
Is life fun? sometimes
Is farting in front of people irrelevant? it’s funny ?? lmao
What’s your dream car? definitely a 67′ chevrolet impala
Are grades in school important? yeah i mean, they weren’t my biggest priority when i was in high school, but they are pretty important if you’re wanting to get into a 4 year college and whatnot.
Describe your crush. she’s fucking stunning. so intelligent. extremely sweet and kind. overall the most amazing woman i’ve ever known. (besides my mom ofc)
What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? the glass castle. great movie.
What was your last lie? probably about eating lunch - i always tell my gf or mom that i ate, when sometimes i don’t (not because i’m restricting myself but because i’m either too lazy to make food or because nothing sounds appetizing).
Dumbest lie you ever told? i haven’t told many crazy lies or anything that i can remember..
Is crying in front of people embarrassing? nah, at least not to me. i always try to tell my friends, “crying is good. we all need to do it. don’t worry about looking dumb because you won’t to me.”
Something you did and you are proud of? uhh well it’s not a huge deal but on my last trip up to see my gf, i gave this lady at the grocery store a ride to her house because it was pouring rain and she lost her keys. i felt really bad, i wasn’t gonna make her walk home with a whole cart of groceries (she had a limp and was on the older side) and although it wasn’t my safest idea, it was still nice and she called me her savior like 100 times and said i was an angel from heaven, so that was sweet. (:
What’s your favourite cocktail? i don’t drink lol
Something you are good at? umm idk tbh.. i’m pretty decent at basketball????
Do you like small kids? yes as long as they’re respectful and sweet
How are you feeling right now? pretty good!
What would you name your daughter/son? son: atticus / daughter: mable
What do you need to be happy? music
Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? yes always
What was the last gift you received? i think it was when my friend zoe surprised me with sweet-tarts on my break at work and it was so nice. i love her sm.
What was the last gift you gave? it’s technically not a gift but i just mailed  some random cute stuff to my gf and she opened it on skype like an hour or so ago (:
What was the last concert you went to? green day in st. louis, missouri!!
Favourite place to shop at? either h&m or old navy
Who inspires you? morgan freeman tbh
How old were you when you first got drunk? like 16 i think
How old were you when you first got high? probably early 16 also.
How old were you when you first had sex? 17 i think ?? or i had just turned 18
When was your first kiss? we don’t speak of that
Something you want to do until the end of this year? bANG MY GF
Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? ohhh so many things
Post a selfie. ok i will 
Who are you most comfortable around? honestly cami
Name one thing that terrifies you. the ocean
What kind of books do you read? the typical basic-as-fuck teen novels
What would you tell your 12 year old self? don’t spend so much time on any of those people. you’ll lose them all in like 5 years. it’s so fckn sad but true like… i am not friends with a single person i was friends with back then.
What is your favourite flower? roses bc i’m baSIC-AS-FUCK
Any bad habits you have? uhhhh overthinking, comparing myself, not eating when i’m stressed, talking to people that aren’t worth my time, giving too many damn chances.. the list goes on and on.
What kind of people are you attracted to? idk nice people?? people who have the same sense of humor as me. idk like if you like trump,,,, we probably wouldn’t work out lmao.
What was the last thing you cried for? i think i already answered this but it was over someone i’m no longer friends with. idk it was earlier today & not worth it.
Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? PINEAPPLE 
Are you in love? very
Something you find romantic? i like random notes or texts or cute shit to remind you that the other person is thinking about u
How long was your longest relationship? it is the current one i am in - 1 year and over 8 months so far.
What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? uhhh idk this is a weird question for me
What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? again ?? it’s weird ??
What are you saving money for? i should be saving it for moving away lmao. but i’m using most of my money on christmas presents for my gf, friends & parents.
How would you describe your bad side? HANGRY
Are you actually a good person? Why? idk think so ? maybe ? but sometimes i think i’m the worst person ever so ????
What are you living for? my future plans with my girlfriend honestly & cause i have the sweetest niece now (’:
Have you ever done anything illegal? yeah
Do you like your body? some of these questions are repeating lol ^ it’s also Q #11
Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? yeah but not directly i don’t think :/
Ever sent nudes? all day erryday
Have you ever cheated on someone? nah
Favourite candy? anything sour especially sour jolly ranchers uggfuugfgf
Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! @wulfwire it’s my alpha gay (; she’s da best, go follow her !!!
Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? i don’t really have time to play anymore :// 
Favourite TV series? THE OFFICE UHGGHHFGHD
Are you religious? Does God exist? i used to be christian and believe in god and whatnot, now i guess you’d call me agnostic?? like i believe in *something* but not in ‘God’ necessarily. 
What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? i haven’t read in so longgggg
What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? i mean, you do you. i know for a fact i couldn’t do it because i’m so picky and depend on dairy products so i know i could never go vegan and idk man it’s just so much work.
How long have you been on Tumblr? since july of 13′ so wow. over 4 years… 0.0
Do you like Chineese food? ehh. i’m trying to like it more!
McDonalds or Subway? mcdonalds probably.
Vodka or whiskey? neither bleh
Alcohol or drugs? drugs ?? i guess - only if weed counts ??
Ever been out of your province/state/country? yes many times
Meaning behind your blog name? don’t wanna talk about it
What are you scared of? lots of things; insects mainly, and open water - like not even just the ocean, but even lakes and ponds too. 
Last time you were insulted? i can’t remember ?? damn, that’s a great feeling
Most traumatic experience? probably the time i was having seizures for 5 years straight. thankfully i’ve been seizure free for about 6 years now.
Perfect date idea? something corny or cheesy idk. i love simple things like going to a park and talking for hours and eating ice cream and laughing about nonsense.
Favourite app on your phone? tumblr for sure, or 8-ball pool *cause i’m such a cool kid* 
What colour are the walls in your room? navy blue
Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? always and forever a fothermucker (; @jackskellin
Share your favourite quote. “i’d rather be hated for who i am, than loved for who i am not.” - miles mckenna 
What is the meaning of life? who knows, man. just enjoy the ride.
Do you like horror movies? eh not really, i’m a total baby. but my new friend is probably gonna end up making me like them cause that’s all she watches.
Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? yeah probably a bunch of times. we used to fight all the time. we both weren’t mentally great a few years ago. mainly due to my dad dealing with being an alcoholic. we’re much better now, thankfully.
Do you feel lucky or special in a way? yeah i definitely feel lucky a lot of the time.
Can you keep a secret? always.
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kafeuka · 7 years
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[1/1] i’ve only felt religion when i’ve lied with you
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█ title: I’ve only felt religion when I’ve lied with you █ author: kafeuka █ pairing: jeon jungkook/park jimin █ rating: nc17
█ summary: Nineteen year old Jeon Jungkook refused to go to church, so his mother brought the church to him. (aka: Jimin was a youth minister who happened to be the man in Jungkook's sexual fantasy and oh crap, was his mother really inviting the pastor in training to dinner to fuel his raging libido?)
Note:
this was inspired by an episode in the 70s show lmao i've written this decades ago and stopped halfway before i could get into the smut bc honestly speaking i suck at it and despite the researches i've made, i never seem to get things right and i cant stop turning red when doing so,,,,,, in conclusion: i cant write smut for shit (◕‿◕✿)
warning: i have no idea how the religion works neither do i practice it so if i offend you, please click exit lmao
regarding the hankie jimin mentioned, i just knew there was a thing where people place their hankies according to their preferencing by representing them on their right/left side or colours. isn't that amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me know what you think here! Read on AO3 here.
There were times when Jungkook wondered if his mom was clinically brain dead.
Like, now.
He was already late – thanks to that stupid alarm clock Uncle Jooheon had given him as a present last Christmas (that clock had one job! One job! And it failed Jungkook) – and yet here his mother was, blocking the door with her arms on her hips, glaring at her youngest son as if he was caught stealing cassette tapes from a record store.
“Mom! Please! Just this once, I beg of you!”
His favourite band was in Busan and the tickets for their concert were on sale. There was nothing more Jungkook wanted than to attend Radio Wrecker’s first gig in Busan. He swore that he would never miss it for the whole world.
“Jungkook,” his mom sternly said, eyes staring straight at Jungkook. “It’s Sunday. You’ve got to attend church!”
“But Radio Wrecker is going to be here! The tickets will be sold out in just a few minutes and I can’t believe I’m not at to the amphitheater right now!”
“And I can’t believe my own son refused to come to church.”
“Mom, please!” He purposely widened his eyes, jutting out his lower lip to give his mom his puppy eyes – which, usually worked – but somehow, his mom was not having any of it. By now, she should have caved in and let her son buy tickets to see his favourite band and let Jungkook had the time of his life but no, the woman just had to ruin it.
“No, Jeon Jungkook. You’re going to church. All of us are.”
“But—”
“Go change into something nice. Don’t wear that zombie t-shirt, you hear me?”
“Mom!”
“Shut it, or no allowance for a month.”
   Jungkook ended up crossing his arms, trying not to look like a petulant child, while being seated next to his mom on one of the pews in the House of God. His mom had been bitching inside the car, about how late they were to church, all because each and every one of them was being tardy. Even his father, who had absolutely done nothing wrong, had to listen to his mom rambling about how important it was to go to church.
As soon as his mother was done talking, he abruptly wore the earphones and crank up the volume of the music to the maximum.
If it were not for the cassette player and headphones Jungkook had secretly bought with his allowance (when asked, he lied that Minghao had bought it for him), he did not think he would be able to stand it. He might have jumped out of the car and begged for someone to run him over rather than listening to his mother pointing her finger at him and Junghyun.
(Junghyun just got home from a party that morning – it just so happened that his mom caught him entering his room through the window when the petite woman busted through his bedroom door with the intention of waking her oldest son up.)
Junghyun was not probably listening at all. Despite his eyes being open, Jungkook knew his mind was somewhere else as if he was sleeping. That was the only thing Jungkook found his brother to be good at, and he thought it was an amazing skill too, how his brother’s brain was completely shut down even though he seemed like he was paying attention to everything that came out of their mother’s mouth.
They were sitting on one of the pews behind, which clearly irritated his mom because usually they were either sitting in the middle or on the front seats.
All Jungkook wanted was to wait in a queue for a concert ticket yet, the only concert he would probably gotten in his whole life would probably the choir in front which was singing right now. He let out a sigh, trying his hardest not to cry because he would probably be the only loser in his group of friends who did not manage to get a ticket.
He regretted not accepting Yugyeom’s proposal to camp in front of the ticket stand.
Jungkook tried to focus his attention to something else, not wanting to burst into tears right then, and stared at the children dressed in white in front. He recognized a few of them. His mom let out a sigh, probably because she felt content or whatever and Jungkook could only roll his eyes in annoyance. He wondered if the woman beside him really gave birth to him because how could she do that to Jungkook?!
He had been a very good son all this time — he had manage not to get caught drinking and sneaking out and he never brought any girls or guys home unlike Junghyun. It was unjust for his mom to not let him skip church just for once. He never skipped church before but this was Radio Wrecker. Jungkook believed Radio Wrecker was the whole reason for his existence and it was his one and only chance to see them perform with his own eyes rather than pretending he was a part of the crowd when watching their performances on TV but who knew it would be his own mom that stepped on his dreams and vomit all over it?
Jungkook glanced at the figure clad in black cassock that was playing the grand piano, and scoffed. He recognized the pianist. He was Park Jimin, Jungkook’s senior by two years, who was now working at the church or something like that, Jungkook did not give two fucks. He remembered his mom mentioning about God showing Park Jimin the light or whatever during dinner a few days ago.
Jimin had a stupid grin on his face as he mouthed the lyrics to the song the kids were singing as his fingers pressed on the keys of the organ skillfully.
He cannot believe the guy was the same Park Jimin whom he used to almost kiss at a party a year ago. The one who had coaxed Jungkook to drink another cup with a playful smile on his lips. How can someone change so drastically?
   When the mass ended, Jungkook expected for all of them to went straight to the car and for Jungkook to lock himself in his room and cry himself to sleep. But of course, things did not really go his way recently, and he wondered what he did in his past life to deserve this whole ordeal. Instead of going straight to the car when they went out of the church, his mom decided to have a small talk with Jimin, who was standing outside and wishing everyone to have a pleasant day.
He wondered why his mother wouldn’t just thank Jimin, like everybody else, and then walk the fuck away.
Jungkook groaned when his mother stopped and began to praise Jimin like there was no tomorrow. Junghyun was nowhere to be seen, perhaps he was already heading to the parking lot, even though their dad was still here. Jungkook’s fingers were itching to grab his black headphones and shove it into his ears and turn up the volume of his cassette player to its maximum volume to block out whatever shit his mom was spewing.
At this rate, being deaf seemed appealing.
He almost choked on air when Jimin turned his head slightly to him, gave him a small smile and nodded, “Good to see you, Jungkookie.”
A year ago, Jungkook would probably be crying blood and thank whatever religious figure to ever exist out there that made this happen but now, all he wanted to do was run for his life and wish for a piano to fall from the heavens and crush him deep into the earth. He could only swallow and replied with a nod, not trusting his voice to speak. His voice might have cracked or even worst, he might have started to sob.
“I’m sure your mom is so proud of you, Jimin-ah! Look how handsome you’ve become – you’re going to be a good pastor!” Jungkook’s mother cooed. Jimin smiled, a blush evident on his cheeks as he shook his head, “That’s not true!”
‘Damn right,’ Jungkook wanted to yell out. If only his mother knew how Jimin was literally seducing him on one of the worn out couches in Seokjin’s home and eyefucked him the moment Jungkook entered the house, she would not be talking to Jimin right now. Hell, she would probably even find a new church to go to.
It was only when his dad placed a hand on her shoulder when his mother finally stopped talking and finally, thank God, took the hint that they were supposed to go. She complimented Jimin one more time, thanked him with a small bow before making their way to their small caravan.
‘Finally,’ Jungkook huffed, sliding himself lower on the car seat. ‘I can wallow in self-pity in peace.’
  That afternoon, Jungkook did cry.
He was so ready for Yugyeom to boast about the tickets he obtained and for Yugyeom to slap the fact that Yugyeom got a ticket his face but when the phone rang, Jungkook realized that no, he was not ready at all. His hand was visibly shaking when he picked up the receiver, and despite the number not shown, he knew it was Yugyeom.
“Jungkook!” Yugyeom yelled from the other line, as if he knew that Jungkook would be the one to pick up, not his mother.
Jungkook almost winced, readying himself for the inevitable humiliation that would come upon him.
“Yugyeom,” he answered with a grunt, fingers twirling on the cord of the phone, suddenly feeling antsy and super nervous.
“I was waiting for you to show up at the amphitheater!”
He glared at his mom, who was washing the dishes on the sink. “Yeah, someone stopped me from going there,” he said out loud, hoping his mother would realize it was directed to her.
“Whatever, whatever, whatever! Listen, I’ve got the tickets!! Isn’t it exciting?”
He swallowed. “It is.”
“Now, you just gotta pay me back and we’ll have the best day of our life next week!”
“… What do you mean?”
“I bought three tickets, man.”
Jungkook felt his heart beating quickly as he felt a hunch where Yugyeom might be getting at, but he refused to believe the nagging voice in his head unless Yugyeom said so. He waited for Yugyeom to speak, to tell him that he was joking or whatever explanation he could offer, but it seemed like Yugyeom was waiting for him to say something too.
So, he did.
“Uhuh…”
“One for me. One for Minghao. And one for you!”
“No way!” Jungkook let out a joyous scream, eyes widening in disbelief, earning a pointed look from his mother. “You’re kidding me, Kim Yugyeom! How— wh-what even – please tell me you’re joking, man. I swear, if you’re playing with me, we’re not going to be friends anymore. Don’t get my hopes up!”
Yugyeom let out an excited squeal. Jungkook could vision Yugyeom jumping up and down on his bed, a cordless receiver on one hand and the other holding three tickets for the concert of the most Influential and Amazing Band In The Whole World. Without realizing, Jungkook was jumping up and down too in the kitchen, causing his mother to exclaim, “Jungkook!”
Any other day, Jungkook would have mumbled an apology and silently retreat to his room but not today.
“I’m not lying, dude! How can I attend Radio Wrecker’s first concert without you, man?”
“You’re the best, dude! Oh my god, I love you so much. I think I’m going to cry, I swear.” He could already feel the tears prickling in his eyes and he wiped them with the back of his free hand before it could fall. “I really thought I would’ve missed it.”
Yugyeom giggled. “I love you too. Just bring the mulah, yeah? I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Jungkook hung up with a huge grin and a high-pitched squeal that would have made a siren envious. For that, he received a dirty rag thrown to his face.
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 If you ask Jungkook what was the best moment in his life, he would answer the night he went to Radio Wrecker’s concert. It was on a May 21st, 1978 on a Saturday night. While Jungkook was always the goody two shoes in his parents’ eyes between the Jeon siblings, Jungkook risked his reputation to sneak out to the concert. He knew his dad would be okay with Jungkook going to concerts but not his mom.
It was as if she had never been nineteen. He did not regret sneaking out though. His throat was sore from all the screaming and he cried when they performed ‘Chrysanthemum’ – which was Jungkook’s favourite song – because everyone started to sing along as they slowly waved their arms. Jungkook ended up sleeping over at Yugyeom’s, the boys could not stop babbling about how perfect the concert was even though some idiot accidentally stained Jungkook’s Radio Wrecker’s white tee with fucking ketchup.
(Yugyeom insisted that they had to wear their matching black Radio Wrecker’s tees but Jungkook was a stubborn fuck.)
That night, Jungkook slept peacefully like a baby, unaware of the wrath of his mother that he had to face the next day.
    When Jungkook got home, his mother was already in the living room, flipping through the cosmos magazine with her slender legs crossed. Jungkook gulped, slowly closing the door behind him and tried to go to his room as slow as he can although he knew his mother already sensed that he was there.
“Why, if it isn’t my son who skipped church!”
Fuck.
“Hey, mom! I didn’t see you there!” Jungkook sheepishly grinned, rubbing his nape. “I thought I’ve told you about the concert, didn’t I? My, how forgetful of me!”
His mom narrowed her eyes towards him, standing up from the couch and threw the magazine to the wooden coffee table. At this moment, Jungkook wished to disappear to thin air. His mother never really used her fists but rather, her words. One time, she said something to Junghyun that made the grown man cried. And that was because he wanted to move out of the house. Jungkook shuddered remembering the incident.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, Jeon Jungkook.” There was venom when she strongly emphasized his name. “This band of yours is slowly corrupting your mind. Didn’t you realize that?”
“Mom, what—”
“Sure, it’s going to be a one-time thing you say. But I can see you straying away from the right path and live in the streets with only the morning papers as your blanket. Would you like that?”
“I don—”
“And now you’re trying to talk back to the woman who gave you birth. Who gave you life. Who fed you every single day!”
Jungkook grimaced, deciding to remain quiet. If he was a little bit braver like Junghyun, he would have stormed out of the house right now but he had no money with him and he reeked of sweat and ketchup. Speaking of the devil, Junghyun coincidentally walked out of the kitchen and gave Jungkook a sardonic grin when he witnessed the scene unfolding right before his very own eyes. Instead of walking back to the kitchen, he sat on the couch and watched because he, undoubtedly, was a dickhead.
“You’re going to apologize for today, Jungkook, but what will you say when God himself questions you this?”
“Jungkook’s God is Victor Miura, mom,” Junghyun chuckled.
Which proved to be a bad move because their mother whipped her head towards Junghyun with a glare that would normally made any human being ran away from pure terror and begging for forgiveness.
“And you, Jeon Junghyun, don’t you have anything to say to me either? How dare you, you imbecile, still sitting on my damn couch!”
Junghyun abruptly stood up like a soldier given command, dusting his pants with a terrified expression on his face. While their mom had her back on Jungkook, Jungkook took the chance to stick out his tongue at Junghyun and damn, that felt good.
“Is that where your money go to – for you to smoke crack?”
Jungkook hissed internally. He had found a few things under Junghyun’s bed and unlike Junghyun, whom he was sure jacked off to women in bikinis riding motorcycles, Jungkook found the powder in a plastic bag was far more interesting. He had been using it to threaten Junghyun but it seemed like he had lost his blackmail material now that their mother found out.
“Both of you,” his mom hissed, pointing to her boys, “Are disappointments!”
There was nothing to do now except to hung his head, stare at the floor and waited for the lecture to be over. Maybe Jungkook could try to do his puppy eyes but Junghyun was here – his hyung might steal his tactic!
Surprisingly, after a few seconds that somehow felt like years of waiting, the lecture did not come. Jungkook dared to lift his head a bit to look at his mom, who was now crossing her arms and smiling scathingly. Jungkook glanced at Junghyun, who seemed to be waiting too.
Still with her arms crossed, the woman with feathered hair tapped her foot against the wooden floor.
“I’m going to give you boys a second chance – although I’m sure the both of you don’t deserve any,” she began before uncrossing her arms and dusted the high-waisted beige skirt she was wearing.
Jungkook looked at his hyung, who was already looking at him. The both of them exchanged confused looks before exhaling long breaths from their nostrils, slowly relaxing even though their mother was not finished yet. Now, that certainly never happened.
“I shouldn’t have forced my own boys to go to church, don’t I?”
Jungkook’s eyes wavered before gulping, wondering if he should answer or if his mom was just asking a rhetorical question.
“Both of you are grownups, surely the both of you can make up your own mind and know what’s best.”
Junghyun blinked. “Really…?”
“Sure,” their mom smiled. “If you want to turn your backs on God and spend eternity doing laps in a lake of fire, then that’s your choice!” she added, with exaggerated hand motions before glaring at both her sons and stampeded upstairs, purposely stomping her feet loudly with each step she made to show how pissed she was.
The two brothers waited until a door slam was heard before exhaling a loud sigh.
“So. How’s the concert?” Junghyun asked.
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  Jungkook was lying on the worn out fawn-coloured bridgewater sofa that was probably as old as his grandmother – occasionally sitting up and most of the time not, to sip on his cola while the record player that was placed on end table was playing On The Backseat Of My Car by Sunset Patrol – when his moment of peace and pretending to be rockstar was disrupted when Junghyun came down to the basement, with their mother prattling behind him.
“What are you doing, Jeon Junghyun? Why aren’t you dressed? Church starts in ten minutes!”
Jungkook had to tilt his head to observe what was going on. Junghyun grabbed a popsicle from the white freezer, unwrapping it before whining, “Mom, I’m not going!”
“What?” their mother shrieked, mortification was written all over her face.
She was wearing a long-sleeved green floral patterned blouse with a matching long skirt, which meant she was ready for church. Junghyun, on the other hand, was wearing his usual maroon shirt and usual ugly dark bell bottom trousers.
Junghyun gulped, popsicle forgotten in his hand. “Well…” he sputtered and then pointed to Jungkook. “Jungkook isn’t going, isn’t he?!”
Great, Jungkook screamed inside his head. This airhead just had to drag me down with him!
Their mother turned her head to Jungkook and when Jungkook stood up, she looked like she almost had a heart attack. “Why are you still in your zombies shirt!?” she yelped in disbelief.
Jungkook made a mental note to kill Junghyun in his sleep but his plans on murdering his brother by suffocating him with a pillow was interrupted when their mother let out a shrill voice, “Where’s your tie!?”
“Mom,” Jungkook sighed. “I’m not going.”
“WHA— oh dear God, what?”
Jungkook gawped at Junghyun, who was now eating his popsicle as if their mother was not on the brink of rage, silently begging for help.
“I-I thought you said w-we had a choice,” Jungkook stammered, his hands began to fidget and he had to hold on the hem of his shirt to quell the apprehension that was building in his chest.
“Uhuh,” his mom answered. Her brows were furrowed, waiting for Jungkook to continue. Jungkook had to glare at his no good older brother and widened his eyes, indicating that he needed help.
Junghyun was still sucking on the popsicle, nodding for Jungkook to continue. Jungkook envisioned himself lunging forward and throttling his older brother. He took a deep sigh, readying himself for the response he would get from his mother. “Well, my choice is no.”
His mother let out a loud gasp, which was a little bit dramatic in Jungkook’s opinion. It was not like Jungkook was confessing that he had his dick sucked by a senior when he was sixteen. He simply declared that he did not want to go to church on a lovely Sunday morning.
“I don’t understand this at all,” their mother began, massaging her temple. “Tell me one good reason why the both of you are not going.”
“It’s boring,” Junghyun started.
“The music sucks.”
“I have to wear a tie.”
“It’s hot!”
“The girls have to wear bras!”
“The past—”
“ENOUGH,” their mother interrupted, both hands on her slim hips. Junghyun shrugged triumphantly as he licked the popsicle. Jungkook only blinked. “I am going to leave in five minutes and I’m sure the both of you will make the right decision.” Her voice was honeyed, a little bit too sweet for Jungkook’s liking, as he pointed to her sons.
She continued, with a smile added this time, “Something tells me that I won’t be sitting in that pew alone.”
The boys only stared at the woman as he slowly backed away, making her way to the wooden stairs. With another huge smile, she walked upstairs.
Just when Jungkook was about to lie down on the couch again, not giving two fucks about what his brother was now doing at the storage room, he heard his mother’s sweet voice from upstairs again, “Five minutes, okay, boys?”
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  In Jungkook’s defense, his mother was the one who told the both of them that they have a choice and it just so happened that both boys chose not to go. Besides, their mother was not sitting alone on the pew – their father was there! So Jungkook was not really sure why his mother was acting rather odd to the both of them.
When she first got back from the mass, he had been ignoring the boys the whole day. While she would usually set the plates with food ready on the table, the siblings had to grab their own plates and took their own food. It was not a big deal, not at all, but Jungkook began to feel guilty because his mother was not talking at all.
Usually, she would have made a conversation right now and most of the time, Jungkook wished she would shut up but now, he would do anything for the woman to chatter about anything at all – even if she talk about Park Jimin because Jungkook would not mind. Their father kept on clearing his throat, occasionally trying to make a conversation but kept on failing. Their mother only answered shortly and every time she opened her mouth to speak, Jungkook kept on holding his breath for unknown reason.
The next day, however, gotten a little bit better but certainly freaky-deaky. Their mother was acting brighter than usual and she did not even yell when Junghyun placed his dirty feet on the coffee table. Jungkook was beginning to feel cautious at this point, frequently tensing whenever his mother was around.
He even helped in washing the dishes and rejected Yugyeom’s offer to hang out at Minghao’s house to listen to some sick songs by a band Minghao recently discovered. The whole week, he tried to be extra good to his mother and he began to wonder if she was really losing it.
When Sunday came, Jungkook skipped church again and to his surprise, his mother did not force him to wear a stupid tie and get out from this radical shirts. He thought that he was finally going to spend his Sunday doing productive things.
(Productive Things On A Sunday aka Jungkook listening to the songs his friends recommended and sometimes meeting up with Yugyeom and Minghao)
It was in the afternoon when it finally dawned to Jungkook that his mother had something planned all along.
Jungkook was in the kitchen, making a sandwich while humming to Another Boy Without A Sharper Knife, when he heard the sound of the bell ringing. He deliberately took his time to spread the mustard, expecting someone else would open the door for whoever it was. However, the bell rang again and Jungkook let out a groan, wondering where the hell his family members were.
He counted to twenty and the bell rang again. Exasperated, he grabbed his sandwich, took a bite and strode to the front door, cursing whoever it was that had to ruin his moment. Rolling his eyes, he swung the door open to find Park Jimin, clad in a super ugly black turtle neck along with a tawny-coloured blazer that was a little bit too big for him and a matching slacks and— what the fuck? Why was Jungkook staring?
Jimin grinned, revealing his slightly crooked front tooth which was not cute at all.
“Hello, Jungkookie.”
HOW DARE
Jungkook’s jaw dropped and he swore the sandwich almost slipped from his hand but he was thankfully able to hold on to it and oh shit, he must have looked like an idiot right now.
“Wh-what are you doing here?”
“Jimin!” came a sweet voice behind him, that was unmistakably belonged to his mother. Jimin turned his gaze to the woman behind Jungkook and grinned. Jungkook felt his mom’s hands on his shoulders, softly squeezing them as she giggled, “You came right on time!”
“What is going on?”
Jungkook was slowly getting scared now as he slowly tried to back away but his mother was still holding onto him, wondering if he had destroyed a country in his past life because there was no way in hell this was happening.
“Jungkookie here.” His mother said, squeezing Jungkook’s shoulders a bit tightly now that he almost wince, “And Junghyun refused to go to church. So I’m bringing the church to them!”
If it was possible, Jungkook swore Jimin’s smile gotten a little bit bigger. His eyes were now forming half-moons and damn, Jungkook really should have stopped staring.
“What do you think, youth minister Jimin?”
“I think it’ll be groovy!”
‘God, if you’re out there,’ Jungkook thought. ‘Just let me die already.’
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 Jungkook believed in God.
Always have.
But he wondered where the Old Man was now that Jungkook desperately needed him. When his mother just broke the news of Park Jimin being in the same house as him, breathing the same air as him and will try to bring some sense to him about his behavior of skipping church lately, Jungkook found himself dashing to the bathroom, sputtering a made-up reason and locked himself in it, hands clasped together a little too tightly and began praying aloud.
He hoped the Old Man can hear him. Inguk once told him that he had sex with his brother’s girlfriend in the van and when questioned if he was scared, he simply replied that God cannot see through lead. Jungkook hoped that God can still hear him through the wooden door though, because damn, he really needed his prayers to be answered right about now.
He glanced at his reflection on the mirror, noticing that he had some mustard on his upper lip and abruptly washed it with tap water while berating himself. ‘I must look like an idiot!’
Taking a deep breath as he smoothen the band tee he was wearing, he silently declared that he would walk out of the bathroom door while being Cool and Nonchalant™ despite having Park Jimin sitting down on the living room. His living room.
He tried to act casual when he swung the wooden door open with more force than intended, which somehow only made his presence even more known because of the loud creak and found Jimin turning his head to his direction and gave him a huge grin.
‘Stupid moron with his stupid fluffy hair and his stupid smile. Go to hell.’
Jimin was sitting on the couch across the television, whereas his mother was sitting on a brown recliner. His mother seemed more cheery than he had ever seen before, and instantly, he knew that she was trying to ruin his life.
“Honey, go call your hyung. Tell him I need him down here.”
‘Why don’t you call him yourself?’ Jungkook almost retorted but he found Jimin was already staring at him, somehow making the words Jungkook wanted to say caught in his throat. Jungkook nervously coughed, deciding that he did not want to answer his mom back and went upstairs to Junghyun’s room without knocking.
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 The urge to grab the phone, call his best friend and let out an inhumane scream was too strong. Minghao was probably at Yugyeom’s house, listening to some song right now and Jungkook wished he was there to bang his head with them. He wanted to tell Yugyeom that The Park Jimin was here but he would not want Jimin to overhear his conversation and got the wrong idea.
So he stayed put in his seat, which was unfortunately beside Jimin’s, feet tapping vigorously against the carpeted floor while his older brother was sitting at a small stool beside their dad’s piano. Their mother watched them lovingly, but Jungkook could not help but think of the possible categories of demon that possessed his mother right now.
“Religion can be cool,” Jimin explained, still wearing the same bright grin.
Jungkook tried to focus on the black screen of the TV, and sometimes the cover of his mother’s cosmos magazine on the coffee table (“20 Kissable Lips: What Your Lover Loves About Your Lipsticks – huh, what a rip-off, I didn’t need lipstick to make Jimin wanted to kiss me. Fuck, wait, what?”) while Jimin was prattling about Jesus and some other thing that Jungkook really did not give two fucks about.
“Do you know what’s the best thing God ever did was?”
Jungkook tensed when he felt an unfamiliar weight on his thigh. He took a glimpse, saw Jimin’s small hand resting on his thigh and swore the room temperature rose. His eyes travelled to Jimin’s face and the dork had the nerve to lock his eyes on Jungkook’s, lips parted waiting for response. The thing about Jimin’s lips was that it seemed as if it was made to do something greater than just talk; they were plump and kissable – Jungkook would have to check the cosmos magazine later to see if Jimin’s lips made it into the article – and Jungkook would love to know what those lips could do.
Jimin probably noticed that Jungkook was staring at Jimin’s lips, because the corners of his mouth instantly quirked upwards in a teasing manner before his tongue ran over his lower lip and Jungkook found himself swallowing.
Whatever they were having was soon interrupted, causing Jungkook to jolt in his seat when Junghyun yelled out, “BOOBS!”
Jungkook turned his head around with wide eyes, a bit thankful for Junghyun and saw that their mother’s jaw dropped to the ground. “Junghyun!”
“And God say, ‘Let there be boobs!’” Junghyun continued in a terrible imitation of God’s voice, spreading his arms wide open. Jungkook could hear Jimin giggle and was a bit disappointed when he felt Jimin’s hand leaving his thigh.
“Junghyun, you imbecile,” their mom gritted her teeth, knuckles turning white. Usually, at this moment, their mother would have started yelling by now but Jungkook knew she could not do anything when Jimin was here. Maybe it was the perfect time for Jungkook to start acting up to made their mother realize that they did not need this at all. Perhaps if he annoy Jimin, he would probably refuse their mother’s offer to stay for dinner next time.
Jungkook cleared his throat.  “So, Jimin—” he began, only to be cut off rudely by the same woman who claimed to have given birth to him. Jimin seemed to be a little taken aback when Jungkook attempted to start a conversation with him, but he also seemed amused at the same time.
“It’s hyung, Jeon Jungkook. Where are your manners?”
Jungkook rolled his eyes before continuing. “Jimin hyung,” he emphasized the word hyung just so his mother would stop interrupting him and saw that Jimin’s face broke into a grin for the hundredth time for the past hour. “Did Jesus ever waterski over a shark?”
Jimin blinked and damn, Jungkook could literally feel his mother’s murderous glare burning a hole at the back of his head. Jungkook half-expected Jimin to answer in stutters but instead, the older man only giggled before pinching Jungkook’s cheek, causing the younger to almost whine petulantly.
“Aren’t you too adorable?”
“I’m not.” Jungkook squirmed.
Jungkook’s question was left unanswered when Junghyun added, “Could Jesus start up a jukebox just by hitting it?”
Jimin turned to face Junghyun. “He could, but Jesus doesn’t like to hit anything.”
“Speaking of hit, you never score, did you?”
The question was directed to Jimin but Jungkook was the one who instantly felt the heat rising to his cheeks. Jungkook, somehow, also found himself wondering if Jimin ever Did It with someone because there was no way in hell (or heaven, whatever) Jimin would never score. Even when he was wearing his clerical shirt (which somehow made Jimin ten times more attractive, holy shit thank you jesus), anyone could tell that he probably had some way before he chose to do whatever it was he wanted to do now.
Surprisingly, Jimin seemed calm. “Well, everyone make mistakes at least once in life.”
Then, there was the hand again. Jimin rested his hand on Jungkook’s knee, his thumb softly caressing it and fuck, Jungkook wanted to scream. How can his mother not see this? See what a sinner Jimin truly was? His mother probably took it as Jimin being friendly. If she thought having a very young youth minister who happened to be the reason Jungkook was sexually frustrated one night before was a very good idea, then she was completely wrong.
If anything, Jungkook wanted to commit even more sins than he ever did in the past right now.
So, maybe he was still attracted to Jimin.
Maybe, he still wanted to know how Jimin’s lips felt against his.
It was only then he finally regretted pushing Jimin away when the said man was inching closer to him that one eventful night. His waterfall of gushing regret was interrupted when he felt Jimin’s hand softly squeezing his knee. “But God is merciful, for he will forgive when you seek forgiveness.”
“Cough – Virgin! – Cough.”
“Bless you, Junghyun,” their mother practically yelled out, hoping that Jimin would not catch it and not be offended if he heard it.
Jimin, on the other hand, only had a hint of smile glinted on his lips, almost like he was enjoying the entire situation.
‘He probably was,’ Jungkook thought bitterly. Jungkook almost wanted to stand up and explain that Jimin was not as innocent as he look but decided that he was against it. Besides, he knew his mother would never believe him anyway. She would probably assume that Jungkook tried to make Jimin look bad or even worst, assumed that he was jealous of Jimin.
But how can he make Jimin look bad when Jimin was the one who purposely ran his tongue over his lips and placed his hand somewhere he was not supposed to?
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  Dinner was even worst.
While waiting for his mother to prepare dinner, it was awkward in the living room. Junghyun had abruptly left to lock himself in his room the moment his mother announced she was going to prepare dinner, and when Jungkook tried to do the same, his mother had grab him on his arm and he was sure that she was threatening him.
(“You don’t want our guest to feel uncomfortable, don’t you?” If anything, it was Jimin who made Jungkook felt uncomfortable.
“But mom!”
“Stay, Jeon Jungkook. Make him feel welcome.”)
The couch was spacious, but their thighs still kissed. Jimin just had to sit so close to him. It was at this moment Jungkook decided that God was deaf. Jungkook switched on the TV, watching whatever show was running although his mind was screaming at him to go upstairs. He could hear Jimin humming some tune and fuck, if that wasn’t beautiful, Jungkook did not know what was. It irritated him that he was the one who felt awkward with the whole situation and yet Jimin seemed to be able to look as if he had never wanted to pound on Jungkook before.
When his dad came from the front door and joined them to watch a rerun of a sports event, Jungkook murmured an apology to God for doubting Him. His dad greeted Jimin first, the two were talking about something Jungkook did not care enough to listen to before focusing on the television screen.
After what seemed like forever, his mother finally walked out of the kitchen to announce that dinner was ready. They were sat at the rectangular wooden dining table at the dining room, with Jimin sitting across of Jungkook, his parents sat at the opposite sides while Junghyun came down to grab a chicken and then leave. Jungkook watched, snickering as his mother pinched the bridge of her nose at Junghyun’s behavior.
His parents were conversing with Jimin, leaving him to wonder why he even bothered to be there at all. It seemed like he did not belong in his own house. Clearly, his presence was ignored. It was dull until he felt something tapping on his foot lightly. He ignored it at first, thinking that it was Miura, the dog he secretly brought home a few weeks ago.
(Junghyun had laugh his ass off when Jungkook was caught bringing a dog home and guffawed even harder when Jungkook told him his name was Miura; just like the lead singer in Radio Wrecker)
Only to realize that his mother had been a major fun sponge and forced Jungkook to put the adorable little puppy to an animal shelter.
What the fuck?
Gradually, he straightened his back and chewed his mash potato slowly. Mustering his courage, he stole a glimpse at Park Jimin, who was nodding to whatever his dad had to say while feeding himself a spoonful of mash potato. Whatever, Jungkook thought and resumed eating normally until he felt it again.
There was no way in hell that would have been an accident or just wishful thinking.
He shuddered when he felt someone’s (aka Park fucking-stupid Jimin) foot casually running up to his calf and knee before lightly backing down. He was frozen in his seat, eyes wavering and internally screaming to his parents for help. There was no doubt that Park Jimin was purposely doing this to mess with his mind. When Jungkook looked up, Jimin was softly smiling and appeared to be listening intently to Jungkook’s mother rambling about the influence heavy metal music had on teenagers.
Jungkook was supposed to shift his feet, he even considered sitting crossed legs on the chair but instead, he let out a yelp when he felt Jimin’s foot brushing against his clothed crotch.
“Jesus,” his mother gasped, almost dropping the metal fork she was holding while staring scornfully at Jungkook. “What is wrong with you?”
Jungkook turned to his dad for help, but apparently the man found the chicken wings to be far more important than supporting his son out.
When he turned to Jimin, however, he was so close to lunging forward to snap his neck into half. The fucker was staring at him in fake confusion, as if he had not just purposely played footsie underneath the table while Jungkook’s parents were around. Jungkook cleared his throat in embarrassment, muttering a “nothing” and earned another glare from his mother.
And great, his pants suddenly shrunk a size.
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  Jungkook could finally relax when Jimin went back home. His mother was literally gushing when the door was closed, voicing out her thoughts on how lovely Park Jimin was. Jungkook did not even bother to hide how pissed he felt when he stomped upstairs.
He abruptly dashed to his room, took his towel and locked the bathroom door to have a quick jerk off session. Jungkook almost let out a loud cry at the image of Park Jimin, in his clerical shirt and all, sucking the tip of his dick. He had to swallow the groan at the edge of his tongue as an image of a naked Jimin, wearing a rosary necklace around his neck and legs wide open crossed his mind.
When he finally came down from his high with his chest still heaving and heart still beating rapidly against his ribcage, Jungkook cursed himself for thinking of unholy thoughts about a very unholy man whom might actually be Satan himself.
He swore it would be the last time he ever think of Park Jimin like that ever again.
   Who the fuck was he kidding, of course God would torture him this way.
Jungkook finally gave in and went to church just to humor his mother, eyes often drifting away to steal glances of Jimin in his black clerical shirt. That stupid black shirt was supposed to be a symbol of holiness or whatever the fuck it was supposed to represent, but Jungkook found himself swallowing when he saw Jimin clad in said outfit. If anything, Jimin looked like the human depiction of sin itself.
He tried to weigh out the pros and cons of going to church. For starters, Jimin would not have to step a foot in his house ever again. But it still did not change the fact that the church was still fucking hot, he still had to wear the goddamn tie and Jimin was there, playing the piano oh so skillfully, making Jungkook wonder how those cute fingers would feel inside of him—
Fuck.
Jungkook was really fucked.
   So, maybe he did want to get fucked by pastor in training Park Jimin.
After all, what was that thing Jimin said about making a mistake at least once in life? Whatever, if Jungkook wanted to make a mistake, he had to make sure it was in the form of Park Jimin. At least he would make the eighteen year old Jungkook feel at ease after pushing Jimin away.
He convinced himself that he was simply trying to take back the chance he had lost.
The sensible part of his brain screamed: ‘Yeah, but he’s a pastor now, you fucking idiot.’
However, the Jimin-induced part of his brain screamed: “Pastor in training, not yet pastor. Pastor or not, son of a bitch is a fucking tease.”
Jungkook thought that he might be able to get through all the torture but every time Sunday came, he found himself ogling Jimin from the pew. Now, he was the one who fussed if they did not get to sit at the front row of the pews.
His mother, unaware of his son’s libido, was in tears. “Ah, look at my son! I’m so glad you’ve opened up your eyes, Jungkookie. I’m so proud of you!”
If only she knew that God was not the reason he was there. (“No offense, man,” Jungkook whispered as he glanced at the sky.)
And Jungkook knew he needed to put an end to it after he found himself, yet again, in the shower with very dirty thoughts of Park Jimin.
   Jungkook finally came up with an idea that would have made Isaac Newton green with envy as he cries in his grave.
“Mom, where does Jimin live?”
“It’s Jimin hyung, you imbecile. How many times should I—”
“Sorry. Where does Jimin hyung lives?” he repeated with an eyeroll.
“I supposed he still lives with his family,” his mother answered, cleaning the ceramic plate with a rag.
He inwardly groaned – he knew pushing Jimin away was a horrible idea. But who was he to blame – he was eighteen, he was scared and the only person he ever kissed was Yugyeom and it was just an experiment for fuck’s sake! (“God, you’re a bad kisser.” “Are you helping me or not? I don’t want Yien hyung to think I’m inexperienced!” “But you are—” “Shut up.”)
“Why?”
Jungkook shook his head, walked over to the small table beside the kitchen counter to grab a cracker. “Nothing. I was just wondering a thing or two about Mary and Joseph.”
Hearing this, his mother’s ears perked up with obvious interest and a wide smile took over her cherry-tainted lips. “Is that so?”
“Mmhm.”
While Jungkook had always dreamed of becoming a professional bassist, he was considering being a soap opera actor now. Damn, he was such a good actor.
“I’ll call the Park household and ask.”
“You’d do that?”
“Anything for my sweet boy.”
   There was absolutely nothing sweet about Jungkook going to Jimin’s apartment at a Thursday evening, holding his mother’s homemade apple pie in one hand and the other softly knocking on Jimin’s blue painted door. He secretly hoped that he got the wrong apartment, and then maybe he would not have to go through this.
But as soon as the door was open, he knew there was no turning back from whatever it was the he planned to do. Jimin had a startled look on his face, but soon enough it morphed into an open mouthed smile that could make the sun hide in shame. Jungkook swallowed before wincing internally – he was supposed to be nonchalant and irresistible but fuck that. Jimin’s usual groomed hair was tousled, making him even more attractive despite only wearing a plain shirt and ugly brown shorts.
“Oh, Jungkookie! Didn’t know you’d be here.”
All of a sudden, it was as if everything in his brain was switched off. The only thing he was able to do was shove the dish into Jimin’s chest in an effort to become Detached.
Jimin raised an eyebrow as he took a hold on the dish, fingers accidentally brushing over Jungkook’s and it was fortunate that the dish did not fell to the ground when Jungkook pulled his hands abruptly. He faked cough into his fist, eyes looking at the hallway as he lied shamelessly, “My mom asked me to come over.”
There was a glint in Jimin’s eyes that Jungkook did not catch. When Jungkook turned to him, Jimin only smiled, “Is that so? Come on in then.”
Jimin’s apartment was small; across the entrance there was a marbled countertop and a kitchen behind it. On Jungkook’s left was what he assumed was the living room, the bulked TV was placed on top of a wooden cabinet filled with books and a peach-coloured couch was situated a few steps away from the TV. Jungkook closed the door behind him, glancing to his right and figured Jimin’s bedroom was the one with the door slightly ajar, whilst the one with the plastic door must have been the bathroom.
“You’ve got a nice home,” Jungkook murmured, looking up at the ceiling and wondered why Jimin did not switch on the fan.
Jimin ran a hand through his hair, walked behind the countertop to place the dish and took out two soda cans from his fridge. “Thanks. Please, sit down.”
He slightly skipped to the couch and sat, noting that it was far more comfortable than it had looked. If there was anything Jungkook noticed about Jimin (other than how pouty his lips were and how gorgeous he absolutely looked in just a plain white shirt), it was the fact that he loved to occupy the space between them, leaving none.
The couch was not as big as the ones in Jungkook’s home, but there was still some space that Jimin could spare but no, he chose to sit right next to Jungkook, let their thighs touched as he placed the red cola can in front of Jungkook on the coffee table.
“So… what brings you here?” Jimin asked casually, opening the can. His eyes were trained on Jungkook the whole time he took a sip and the younger could only avert his gaze away and grabbed his soda just so he would have something to occupy his hands with.
Well, honestly, Jimin, I was planning to have a quick fuck or something like that but now that I think about it – this is such a stupid idea. I shouldn’t have thought with my dick.
“Well,” he stammered before clearing his throat, eyes glued to his lap.
“Mhm?”
“You see—”
“Mhm.”
“R-remember when, uh, how do I say this…” Jungkook muttered, ruffling his hair in frustration. Jimin only stared at him patiently as he set his drink on the table. Jungkook’s whole body tensed when he felt Jimin’s hand on his thigh and he had to physically refrain himself from shuddering when the same hand that played the piano skillfully every Sunday was inching higher.
“Yeah?” Jimin breathed out.
Jungkook swallowed.
“D-don’t do that,” he managed to croak out. “It’s distracting.”
Jimin only let out a small giggle, his hand began to stroke Jungkook’s upper thigh and brought his face nearer. “Do what?”
Jungkook bit his lower lip, his mind screaming for God to take his soul right there and then but his cock begged to differ. He could feel himself slowly hardening at the soft touches and the way Jimin was watching him.
“This,” he answered with a murmur, placing his hand on top of Jimin’s.
Jimin’s lips quirked into an amused smile. “Why is that?”
“Hyung.” Jungkook had imagined that it would come out as Tough and Intimidating, but as soon as he heard himself whine, he wanted to cry. “Don’t.”
Jimin’s hand underneath his was squeezing on his thigh lightly, and he had bitten down his lower lip coyly when he did so. “What was it you were saying earlier?”
Jungkook should have removed Jimin’s hand from his thigh, but he did not. He berated his libido for letting Park Jimin doing this to him. He continued stupidly (or rather bravely, he was not sure), “The night at Seokjin hyung’s party. You tried to kiss me.”
Instead of denying and pulling his hand away, Jimin only nodded and began moving his hand on Jungkook’s inner thigh, almost making Jungkook clamp his thighs together. Jungkook pulled his hand away from Jimin, awkwardly holding the can of soda with both hands.
“I did,” Jimin agreed with a hum. “Still am, honestly.”
While his mind was screaming for him to push Jimin and run as fast as he could, there was a small voice inside his head that was encouraging him to just go with it. Jimin worked in a church that was only a few streets away now, training as a pastor and yet there he was, giving Jungkook suggestive looks and touches that were far from friendly.
“But it’s all wrong,” Jungkook heard himself whisper. He watched as Jimin’s lips curved into a wider grin, revealing his slightly crooked front tooth.
“But it feels right, doesn’t it?” Jimin whispered, his hand now left his thigh to palm on Jungkook’s crotch.
The younger looked away in embarrassment, a crimson flush spread from under his collar when he felt Jimin lightly rubbing his clothed semi. “Jungkookie,” Jimin whispered tantalizingly on his ear. Jungkook was thankfully able to stop himself from letting out a whimper when he felt Jimin’s tongue slowly licking his earlobe. “Hyung wants to do this for so long, do you have any idea?”
“N-no,” he gulped.
“You’ll be a good boy, won’t you?” Jimin asked, before lightly biting his helix, Jimin’s hand still rubbing him.
Jungkook gasped softly before nodding. Shit, he really needed to go now.
Why go when you can finally live your bathroom fantasies?
Before Jungkook could turn his head, to kiss the lips he had been dreading to taste, Jimin pulled away and shifted his position a bit further than before. The emotion Jungkook felt was betrayal and perhaps disappointment at the sudden action. Jimin can’t just get somebody hot and all flustered and then suddenly stop – it was unforgivable.
“When did you change your mind? Last time I remember, you pushed me away.”
Jungkook pursed his lips in a straight line; the forceful waterfall of regret began gushing again. He placed his soda can on the space behind him, it was not like he had the purpose to drink it in the first place. Jimin was watching him with amusement now as he crossed his arms against his chest.
“Well,” Jungkook licked his dry lips. “Things might have changed,” he reasoned lamely, looking up to Jimin to watch his reaction. “And I might have been spending my time in the bathroom tad longer than I was supposed to…”
Jimin chuckled drolly, slowly leaning back to eye Jungkook from head to toe.
“Show me then.”
“Excuse me?” he croaked.
“Why did you spend your time in the bathroom, Jungkookie? Were you doing something you weren’t supposed to?” Jimin lowered his voice an octave, but despite trying to sound intimidating, Jungkook can still hear the enjoyment in his voice.
“You know,” Jungkook muttered, ears burning hot. “The things… boys do sometimes. I’m pretty sure you do it too.”
Jimin blinked with feign innocence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Unless you show me, then maybe I can tell you if I do it too.”
There was no way Jungkook would have jerked off in front of the object of his fantasy, but his hands were already holding the waistband of his jeans. He felt like he was suffocating in the tight jeans, with the tent that was already growing in there so he might as well take it off and start putting on a show. Of course Jimin knew what exactly what he was talking about, he could see the malicious intent behind his innocent façade but somehow Jungkook wanted to give his all to Jimin.
“I…” Jungkook bit his lip in shame, slowly standing up from his seat. Jimin watched as Jungkook lower down his jeans, but still leaving his gray brief on. “I guess I have to show you then.”
    Jimin wanted to backflip to the sun, to scream on top of his lungs because holy fuck, was Jungkook really going to do it? He had been just jesting around, trying to get Jungkook to become bothered and flustered but he had no idea that Jungkook was really going to jack offin front of him.
Jimin swallowed, eyes glued to the obvious bulge.
He should have stopped, he knew he should have but a part of him refused to voice this out. Jungkook looked vulnerable, adorable even, with his blushing cheeks and eyes that can’t seem to turn to Jimin. The room’s temperature suddenly grew hotter, he blamed it for not switching on the fan.
The Jimin A Year Ago would have started to pound on Jungkook the moment Jungkook whined, but after spending a few months training with Father Choi, he had grown to be collected and tranquil but fuck, no one actually taught him to stop himself from tainting the younger.
Jungkook was his junior, whom he tried to sleep with a year ago because he saw the orange hankie on the left side of his jeans, and Jimin had lost his chance when Jungkook rejected him. While he should have moved on and maybe kick Jungkook out of his apartment right this instant, he found himself letting out a groan when Jungkook slowly and rather torturously, placed a hand inside his brief while the other inched his tee up just a bit.
Jimin’s breath hitched in his throat when Jungkook glanced up to him, doe eyes watching his reaction. It was getting difficult for Jimin to remain composed when Jungkook let out the prettiest sigh, his hand tenderly massaging his aching cock.
Jimin had to clear his throat as quiet as he could, knowing well that his voice might come out hoarse if he did not do so, before blinking innocently. “Did you have your brief on when you usually do this?”
“No, but—”
Jimin cocked a brow. Jungkook bit his lower lip for umpteenth time today, hesitating to expose himself but he was already here. Shutting his eyes, he finally discarded his briefs, lightly kicking it to get it off from his feet. Jungkook did not dare to look up to Jimin, feeling a little bit humiliated as this was the first time someone saw his dick – and it was half hard, at that.
“Proceed.” He heard Jimin instructed.
Jungkook licked his lips as he pumped himself.
Jimin began shifting uncomfortably in his seat, his cock twitching with excitement as Jungkook clamped his lips shut to stay silent.
It was only when Jungkook’s mouth dropped open, head thrown back that Jimin finally spoke. “Stop.”
Jungkook’s strokes gradually slowed down and finally stopped to thumb his slit that was oozing with precum.
“I understand,” Jimin nodded. He may have looked collected on the outside, but he was literally burning on the inside. The devil inside of him was screaming at him to pin the younger against the wall, fuck him so hard he would not be able to walk for days but he managed to breathe through his nose properly before standing up from the couch.
Jungkook’s half-lidded eyes followed Jimin’s movement; finger did not stop to swirl around the head. Jimin strode closer, a smirk on his lips and Jungkook gasped softly when he felt Jimin’s hand wrapped around the base of his cock and squeezed it lightly. “To answer your question earlier,” Jimin murmured, nosing the crook of Jungkook’s neck.
“I touch myself too, sometimes,” he continued, hand began moving to stroke Jungkook.
Jungkook held back the groan at the back of his throat, one hand flew to grab Jimin’s arm. Jimin only smirked against his collarbone, satisfied at the way Jungkook’s hand holding on to his arm. Jimin stopped at the tip, gave it a squeeze before pulling his hand away, earning a small whimper from Jungkook.
Jimin stepped back, sardonically grin at Jungkook’s expression – half-lidded eyes, lips parted and chest heaving. He was beautiful.
“Hyung…”
Jimin would be lying if he said it was not a turn on. Jungkook had been difficult, a little bit hardheaded in showing respect to Jimin. When they first interacted at Seokjin’s house, the younger had rolled his eyes when Jimin asked to be called ‘hyung’, he even assumed that Jimin had been lying about his age. But now that Jungkook was flustered, Jimin did not need to remind him who was older now.
“Yeah?” Jimin chuckled.
He thought it was impossible for Jungkook to turn even redder, but he was wrong. Unlike the times he would turn his eyes away, Jungkook mustered every courage he had to look up to Jimin and hoped he looked enticing enough when he said, “Want you.”
Fuck.
“Right now?”
“Right now.”
“Here?”
“Here.”
Jimin seemed to be pleased with Jungkook’s answer when he grinned.
“Well,” Jimin huffed, sitting on the couch. “Come here.” He patted his lap.
Jungkook obeyed, sitting astride him. He sighed when Jimin moved closer, causing his hardened cock to brush against Jimin’s stomach. “You’re so cute,” Jimin murmured before tilting his head slightly and let his lips rested on Jungkook’s tenderly. Jimin parted his lips slightly, running a tongue on Jungkook’s bottom lip and the younger opened up, letting Jimin’s tongue slid over his. He did not even realize that Jimin had one hand on his nape, softly massaging it.
It was Jimin who pulled away, and Jungkook found himself leaning as if he wanted to prolong the kiss.
“You wanna come see my room?”
   Jungkook lied on Jimin’s bed, shirt was thrown somewhere on the floor while Jimin began undressing himself. Jungkook did not dare to look up, only focused his gaze on the ceiling as his mind tried to convince him to back out before things could get even worst. But damn, he had been thinking about this for days and Jimin was such a fucking tease and yeah, he deserved it.
“You alright?” he heard Jimin murmur.
“Yeah.”
“First time?”
Jungkook gulped before nodding.
He felt the bed dip beside his legs and before he knew it, Jimin spread him open. He tilted his head to look at Jimin, and thank fucking God, he was finally naked too. Jimin lowered himself, stomach flat on the bed as his legs kicked the air. “Up a bit,” Jimin instructed, placing a hand underneath Jungkook’s cheek to spread it. Jungkook lifted his hips a little, one foot planted on the mattress.
“H-hyung…” he gasped when he felt Jimin’s tongue licking his entrance. “What are you—” he was unable to form a coherent sentence when he felt it again.
“Wanna make you feel good,” Jimin answered, one finger circling on the rim before kissing Jungkook’s balls, causing the younger to shudder.
“I…” Jungkook panted. “Wanna make you feel good too.”
Jimin chuckled.
Jungkook was about to sit up, to probably switch their position but was abruptly against it when he felt Jimin’s warm mouth sucking on his scrotum, back arched at the sensation. “J-Jimin… Oh my god…”
Jimin softly tug on his balls before pulling away, earning a groan from Jungkook that was soon replaced with a whimper when Jimin gave his perineum a lick.
“Wanna fuck you. Can I?”
Jungkook nodded, a little too eagerly. Jimin smiled the 1000 watt smile and at that moment, Jungkook felt something swell in his chest, despite Jimin resting his cheek against his inner thigh and his hand kneading his ass.
“Have you ever fingered yourself?” Jimin asked, sitting up from his position and Jungkook could now see Jimin’s cock standing proud, curving towards his stomach. Jimin was thick and Jungkook, fuck, found himself gulping at the sight.
It was only when he heard a click that Jungkook realized he had not answered Jimin’s question yet. He willed himself to look up from Jimin’s dick, and focused on the older’s lips instead. “No, never,” his voice drowned into a whisper.
Jimin smirked, closing the lid of the bottle he was holding. “You wanna do it yourself, or shall I?”
The question made Jungkook wonder the amount of times Jimin had probably done this. He grimaced at the thought of Jimin doing it with someone else that was not him. The only thing Jungkook ever did with another guy was giving him a head, and it was something he wished to never relive again. It was a horrible experience – the guy was practically fucking his mouth and fuck, he had to swallow it all. It was nasty.
But Jimin seemed like he had done more than just a sloppy blowjob, he could tell from the way he was prepared with the lube. Jungkook had one at home, but never had the chance to use it. He was afraid he’ll get caught with a finger up his ass by anyone in the house.
Jungkook blushed as he replied, “Do it for me.”
“If you say so. Turn around, on fours.”
Jungkook obeyed, using his arms to prop himself. He wanted to look at Jimin, to see his face expression, see the way his lips fall when he came. He heard the click again and this time, Jungkook turned around. Jimin cocked an eyebrow, his hand squeezing the lube into his hands.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he faked cough. “Just wanna see you, that is all.”
“That’s cute,” Jimin giggled. “If it hurts, tell me and I’ll stop.”
Jungkook frowned – why would I stop when I got you where I wanted? – but nodded nonetheless.
“Relax, okay? Trust me.”
Jungkook took a deep breath, attempting to calm his wildly beating heart.
Jimin inserted two fingers inside the pink rim, as much as his eyes wanted to watch Jungkook’s hold clenched around his fingers, he had to look up to see any sign of discomfort from Jungkook. Jungkook was biting his lower lip so hard, eyes shut and nose scrunched. In spite of being worried, he could not help but to think how cute Jungkook was.
He began to twist his fingers, moving them in and out slowly, often curving them and scissoring them before adding in another digit.
Initially, it was painful but as soon as Jimin thrusted his fingers, the pain subsided. Jungkook’s mouth opened into a silent moan, his tensed arms slowly relaxing. Jimin began to increase his speed then with Jungkook’s moans fueling him. When Jungkook began to rut himself back onto his fingers, Jimin pulled out.
“Hyung, no no, put them back in,” Jungkook whined.
Jimin snickered at the younger, pouring a liberal amount of lube onto his shaft, shuddered at the coolness and stroked his dick with it.
“Shh,” he murmured, brought himself closer to peck on Jungkook’s nose, one arm propped at Jungkook’s side while he used the other one to align his cock to Jungkook’s entrance. “This will be better.”
“Holy—” Jungkook inhaled sharply when he felt Jimin’s tip pressed against his entrance. Jimin entered rather slowly, stretching the inside of his walls and it was more agonizing than his fingers. Jungkook threw his head back and Jimin took the chance to nip on his neck.
“Fuck,” Jimin panted when he was fully inside. “You’re so tight.”
Jungkook would have snapped (“What the fuck do you think?!”), but he had Jimin inside of him and there really was no space in his brain that would let him do anything other than think about how huge Jimin felt inside of him. His own cock was hot and heavy, but he made no move to pump himself.
Jungkook was about to instruct Jimin to move, but he let out a yelp when Jimin pulled out and snapped his hips.
“Shit, hyung…”
Jimin began moving slowly, straightened his back to hold onto Jungkook’s hips as he moved.
Jungkook was so lovely underneath him, as if he was made to be like this – to have his dark hair sticking up everywhere, half-lidded eyes staring straight at Jimin, pink lips open to produce such dirty sounds that sound beautiful in Jimin’s ears and knuckles gripping tightly on the mattress.
He knew he found the spot when Jungkook let out a particularly loud moan, back arching so gorgeously.
“T-there… Keep going…”
Jimin loved seeing Jungkook writing on his bed, loved the obscene noises they both made, loved the way Jungkook’s hand wrapped around his while the other grip tightly on the pillow beneath his head and god, he absolutely loved the way Jungkook kept on calling him hyung, begging for Jimin to go faster as his breathing became erratic.
The younger came untouched, painting their chests and stomachs white, toes curling and hips lifted from the bed when the orgasm hit him. On the other hand, Jimin kept on going, despite Jungkook jerking every single time he hit the bundle of nerves due to sensitivity. Jungkook began whimpering then when Jimin touched his cock, milking him and at the same time, bucking his hips into him.
Jungkook watched as Jimin moaned his name, eyes scrunched tightly as his body stilled from a minute, before he felt Jimin filling his inside. He abruptly pulled out from Jungkook, collapsing on his chest with a groan. Jungkook let out a yelp as he pushed Jimin off, can’t bear to have his dick being in contact with anything.
Jimin rolled lazily onto his side, placing a peck on his cheek. He looked gorgeous, cheeks tainted red and bangs matted on his forehead. His ribcage expanded and contracted heavily against the mattress, hand slowly travelled to entwine his fingers with Jungkook’s.
With heaving chest, Jungkook croaked out, “Now what?”
The thought of having to meet Jimin at church every Sunday pained him, not that it dawned to him that he loved seeing the half-moons Jimin’s eyes made when he smiled.
“Now,” Jimin breathed on his ear, causing him to shudder. “We have a secret.”
“What would…” Jungkook gulped, trying to steady his breathing. “What would they say, if they knew?”
“Who?”
“Everyone.”
“Screw them.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Jungkook decided that he found Jimin’s smile to no longer be annoying, but contagious. He found himself grinning when the older did, and he could not help the fluttery feelings he felt in his chest, slowly bubbling its way up to his throat and came out as a giggle.
Jimin pressed his lips on Jungkook’s shoulder, slightly grazing his teeth on his skin before asking, “Wanna go again?”
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reneehearts · 4 years
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angel; do you have a nickname? yes, nee
awe; how old are you? 27
baby; favorite color? Purple
bloop; spirit animal? Monkey
blossom; favorite book/movie/song? Water for Elephants/Remember the Titans/Props and Mayhem
blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child? Lumpy a pastel horse
breeze; most precious childhood memory? Gardening with my pop pop
bright; mermaids or fairies? Fairies
bubbles; do you have a best friend? I have a couple
buttercup; showers or baths? Showers
butterfly; dream destination? Anywhere tropical really - bonus points if I can swim with dolphins Bahamas, Aruba, Key West, Bermuda OR Germany
buttons; are you religious or spiritual? Spiritual if anything
calm; favorite scent? Pine trees or sandalwood
candlelight; what did you dream about last night? I can’t remember but the night before I had a crazy dream about having a baby
charming; have you ever been in love? Yes
cozy; eye/hair color? Brown/blonde
cuddly; what’s your favorite time period? 1920s
cupcake; favorite flower/plant? Sunflower, tulip, daisy, lilac
cute; what did you get on your last birthday? An Aaron judge jersey, rings, a longchamp bag, a bracelet and money
cutie pie; most precious item you own? My puppy
cutsie; what makes you happy? My puppy, genuine human connection, dancing
daisies; describe a moment when you felt free. I really haven’t felt completely free ever
daydream; how do you want to be remembered? Kind, caring, passionate, funny
daylight; favorite album of all time? Collide with the Sky
dear; zodiac sign? Leo
delightful; concerts or museums? Concerts
dimples; have you ever written a letter? Yes
dobby; dream job? Own an ice cream and candy shop
doll; how do you like to dress? Casual - leggings and oversized sweatshirt or long sleeve shirt or jean shorts and crop top with a bralette in summer
dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences? Just some premonitions
dreams; do you want or have any tattoos? I have 8
drizzle; do you believe in aliens? Not really
euphoric; talk about someone you love. She understands me on a whole other level
fairy; do you have a pet? Yes, a mini Australian Shepherd
fluffy; ocean or mountain? Ocean
forever; where do you feel time stop? When I’m at work
froglet; are you a good plant owner? Nah
garden; how many languages do you know? 1 fluently, Italian and French a little
gem; who are your favorite tumblrs? My mutuals
giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice? Fairy/princess/angel with a naughty side
glittery; do you like anons? why/why not? Yeah but I never get any
glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself 1. My smile 2. My hair 3. My kindness 4. My work ethic 5. My ability to make people laugh
heart; silk or lace? Lace
honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it? Coffee with milk
hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why? Bird because I just love animals
hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep? Fan, tv, music anything so it’s not silent
jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather? Hot and sunny
jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends? Relax, shop, see friends
joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more? Loudly
kinky; do you blush easily? Nah not really
kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most? The big grand gesture
kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day? 10 am
ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad? I don’t have one artist I have a playlist of various songs
love; what is your favorite season and why? Summer bc I love the heat
lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream? Macaron - birthday cake Ice cream - coffee with brownie and cookie dough
magic; what are five flaws you have? I’m impatient, I’m emotional, I take things personally, I back down from fights, I dont say how I really feel because I’m scared
moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks? Soft pastels
munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other? Caring about their body/health, kindness, loyalty, humor
paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date? Depends on the season
pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself? On social media with the tv on in the background
precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life? All you really have is yourself
pretty; do you like to cook or bake more? Bake
prince; how would you describe your handwriting? Neat with a little script sometimes
princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play? I used to play flute and a little piano. I wish I could play guitar or drums
prinky; how do you relieve stress? Work out, smoke
pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable? Raspberry/asparagus
rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read? No idea
roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far? Death of my gramma
smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you? ^^^
shine; art or music? Music
shimmer; do animals tend to like you? Yes
smitten; do you collect anything? Not really
smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with? 2
snuggle; what is your favourite candy? Dark chocolate non-pareills
snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind? Just on my phone
sparkle; do you wear jewelry? I wear rings, bracelets and earrings everyday
spooky; sunrise or sunset? Sunrise
sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones? No headphones
starlight; what was your favourite show as a child? Little kid - Barney then Lizzie McGuire then friends
soft; describe your favourite spot in your house. My bed
soothe; digital or vinyl? Digital
squeezed; who do you miss right now? Too many people
sugary; what traits do you value most in friends? Loyalty
sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing? Usually practical but occasionally aesthetically pleasing
sweet; do you find it easy to open up? Depends on the person
sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any? Yes but not right now
thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they? There used to be, now not really
toot; what is something you find unique about yourself? I can lick my elbow
tootsie; what kind of friend are you? The friend that cares too much
treasure; what was something that made you smile today? A co-worker
velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl? Depends on the day
whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be? Teleportation
whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out? Home
whiskers; do you usually wear makeup? Nope
wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person? Tidy
wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older? Yes I do but it is so expensive I probably won’t be able to afford it
wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star? Not that I recall
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subjectsilver · 7 years
Text
I wish i was mr happy.
here a story for you - i can't see anything because i got drunk and didn't properly close my contact case then i kicked them on the floor while i was sleeping...now I'm blind as fuck because i have only 1 contact left and don't want to wear just one... i asked my mom to send some like a week ago but she didn't so I'm going to be blind until tuesday afternoon....btw  being blind is not fun because what I've learned is that when you can't see you have one less distraction for your thoughts -  laid in bed all day with thoughts of suicide and refused to leave so i didn't hurt myself. eventually it passed as i took a shower and cried for a little
Monday night i had a dream that emma was bragging to me about her next boyfriend and my response was “HA HA tbh i don give a fuck and they shouldn't either (i was pointing at josh and hand)” bc she was bragging about how her life is set and all planned out now and i was like tbh they should be just as disappointed in you as i am for planning out your life because thats not happiness i was like spontaneity  is happiness - and thats not who you are you are spontaneous not this future planner girl - and then she got up and ran to me started crying and hitting me and hugging me and she was like i wanna be with you and i started crying and i was like no i can't do that right now
i woke up sobbing and soaked in sweat
TUESDAY i had a dream that i was on the side of this road in this own wish grass field with my mom and grandma and suddenly josh smith showed up and i distinctly remember him wearing a white shirt with horizontal orange stripes one inch thick and all the trees around me had n leaves and i went to climb one so i could pee off of it and my mom climbed up and pushed me off and i woke up.
i had a second dream that night that was at a are sremmurd concert except it wasn't at a large venue it was some basement looking type place and it was some random artist that was complete trash i went to this board that had facts about the show and i saw that the show was put on by this guy who was famous in history for his tragedies  - so i think the show was suppose to emulate some trash event in history but it as modern day rap and it was god awful.
WEDNESDAY i had a dream that i ate this caesar salad then i couldn't stop spying out lettuce from my mouth....kinda like  how a clown pulls scarves out continuously, i just kept pulling out mouthful sizes of lettuce it was extremely weird, I've never had a dream like it before
this week started off decent but then went downhill tbh.. when I'm not actively doing something to distract me i literally just sit and  my own head until i tilt off the face of the planet. i hate how much i think about dying and death in general i just can't escape the thoughts. there are multiple times a day or a week that i feel so numb and i just want to hurt myself just so i can feel something physically not really sure if it makes a lot of sense but its like an addictive feeling t me...its like a craving like cigarettes like i want to hurt myself so badly sometimes i just want to see myself bleed.
its really sad when i think aboutt it
when you think thoughts in your head i feel like generally its your own voice that you hear your thoughts in and u are consciously generating these thoughts.... sometimes when i get low i hear a voice in my head that ins my own and like it just appears and I'm not really sure if its just there or if I'm generating it..because when i catch it finally it goes away...but whatever it tells me is usually horrible and downs the fuck out of me and tilts me and makes me feel so small.
6 days into taking prozac one or two weeks to go.....havent really been eating - nothing new i have noticed tho that when you're skinny and don't need a lot to fill up you save so much money on food. i bought 2 chippotl bowls and i got 4 meals out of it.
i think that I'm going to try harder to stay away. maybe less snapchat stories - and less soundcloud reposting of songs because like my ex can hate me but for her to actually move soon i feel like i need to just become a memory to her and maybe thats not for e to say but i feel like she wants to move on from me and doesn't like me and even though its the exact opposite of what i want ill try to give her that.
its actually so annoying to type when you can't even see the letters of the keys when ur mac sits 18 inches from your face. i have to pull the laptop super close to my face if i think i made a mistake so i can correct it. even though i literally laid in bed all day i still kinda feel tired...im also trying to get 8 hours of sleep a night bc my mom said it'll make me feel better -  well that and I'm not really trynna have many episodes of forgetting 30 minutes of my life by zoning out into a sleep or day dream.
i had so many thoughts during the week for this moment where i sit down and type it all back to myself but now that I'm sitting ere I'm just kind of drawing a blank.
lief is just crazy for me right now.... its just such a weight on my back and its crushing me and suffocating me and drowning me
when i get down i feel like I'm a completely different person.. when I'm up or even bc I'm never really up killing myself makes zero sense to me...but when I'm really low i feel like its the only thing that makes sense like it is my destiny. 
i laid in bed and watch batman and youtube and listened to hella music toady it was pretty relaxing ig guess except not rule because i was role low and had a ton of anxiety until i started watching batman after i took a hot shower.
my whole family on my dads side is actually in NC right now... they drove thru the city I'm in to go on vacation to the beach...wouldve loved to go to the beach with the little ones but i guess they didn't feel like picking me up or thought i was busy or something, maybe didn't have the room idk.
loose rocks gotta fall its part of the climb...i am a few peoples loose rock and i understand  that as much sense as it doesn't make i can still see where it does. but i need to start my own climb. the thing that gets me is that i feel like if I'm a loose rock to someones life they are a loose rock to mine bc thats not the people i want in my life but i do understand....idk ?fate? ?trial?
that whole paragraph probably didn't even make sene I'm  not rule sure how to convey it and i can't even see what I'm saying so whatever...
oh shit i almost forgot that i watched so many fucking space views today it was crazy dude space is wild and we probably live in a snow globe also the earth is flat.
i hope this week is better than the last. i really do
“every breathe that i inhaled felt like i was trying to push 150 pounds with the movement of my lungs” -cam meekins
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