#i think id have to? to make use of all the space?

[another-lost-mc]

accidental off-anon asked: i am currently suffering through the monthly ides of agony, and i was wondering (if you're comfortable ofc) how much your oc's know about periods? if they have had experience with partners who menstruate in the past? how they deal with pms symptoms?

I've thought about this a lot actually, so I'm glad you asked. <3

CW: vague mentions of periods/menstruation; nsfw content is towards the bottom half of the post.

MOST KNOWLEDGEABLE

Azra and Tenebris have the most experience with this since they've spent more time in the human world and have had partners that menstruated. They know there's specific supplies you might need and they'll make sure you have them. In terms of PMS, they'll need some guidance about pain relief or other types of comfort you want or need from them.

THEORETICAL AT BEST

Meta and the other angels know about menstruation/PMS a vague sense from working in the human world for so long, some more than others. Meta "knows" the most from a theoretical standpoint, but his practical experience is non-existent. All of the angels are very patient and willing to learn what it is you go through and how they can help you. Meta is the most enthusiastic to learn and makes sure that the library has up to date literature about it too.

Belial knows a lot about humans in theory, but he doesn't seek out human partners on a regular basis so he might not be confident about the what or how or why components of what you go through. It sounds like a good excuse to pamper you and spoil you so he has no complaints about learning more about it or providing you with whatever you need.

NO EXPERIENCE

Karasu and Zee only venture to the human world on business and don't really interact with them outside of that, so their knowledge about human biology is limited to the basics. They're both more than willing to do the legwork to educate themselves and learn how they can support you.

Karasu turns to the internet to find answers and confirms with you which of the things he's read are accurate/useful for your own needs. He's a little shy at first but he's so grateful that you're willing to confide in him about it. He'll make sure anything you need in terms of supplies or pain relief are added to Akuzon's section of imports from the human world.

Zee makes the mistake of asking Azra if he knows what periods are, and after watching his friend choke on a mouthful of coffee, he decides he needs to figure it out himself. He heads to the library that has a dedicated section for human-related literature, and the texts he reads about human biology are very...technical. He gets the idea, but he clarifies with you that what he's read is accurate and asks more specifically what it is you need (in terms of supplies that he can pick up for you) or what you want from him (comfort, space, or anything else).

As for rampant horniness certain symptoms you might have during that time of the month, the OCs are willing to help with that too - if you want them to, of course.

Azra: There's not much he won't do if you're in the mood for it. He has the stamina to keep up with whatever hormone-fueled sex marathon you have in mind.

Zee: He is a fiend for going down on you if you'll let him. He's a fucking vampire about it, he'll look up and grin at you with his bloody lips and chin so you know exactly how much he likes it. He has no shame and he'll keep going until you want him to stop. (And then he'll fuck you after, if you're willing.)

Karasu: He won't offer because of some weird idea that he might hurt you, but he can't resist if you ask him to touch you first. He's probably going to get tired/need breaks before you do, and while he might normally feel insecure about it, your desire is so attractive to him that he doesn't care. He will gladly let himself be used by you.

Tenebris: He's hesitant at first but that doesn't last long, not if you're fumbling to take off his clothes while whining about how hot he is and all the filthy things you think about him doing to you. He loves fucking you, but he likes it best when you ride him (he'll gladly roll you over and take the lead if you ask him to).

Belial: He'd post a picture of you with this meme on Devilgram if he thought you'd get a laugh out of it. Seriously, he's down bad - whatever you want, however much you want, he'll give it to you. A little bit of blood isn't going to change his mind.

Meta: He probably needs the most reassurance that you actually want to do anything physical because he doesn't want to make your symptoms worse (he's half-hard just from the idea so you know it's not because he doesn't want to). It's easier for him to let go of his inhibitions when you do the same - he's surprisingly passionate with you in the moment, and so sweet with his aftercare later.

#I gotchu fam <3 #jes.replies #jes.oc asks #cw menstruation #tw menstruation

[cinnabeat]

holy fuck im gonna die

#pushing shit around omfg #my heart shes racing #i moved the bed tho ✌️ #now i gotta figure out where everything else will go #i have it more or less figured out #like indrew a plan and everything weeks ago #i of course forgot to include my book case but we'll see!!!! :) #i think my art supplies will go under the window #easy access for me and prevents my FUCKING CAT from jumping on my desk shelves #ive already had one casualty (hatsune miku my beloved im so sorry) i am NOT having another #i think life would be easier if i put my computer box thing under my desk instead of next to it #it blocks the plugs and thats how my cat fucking gets on the sheleves #it would have the added bonus of preventing my cat from stepping on the power button #i might move my work desk? #i think id have to? to make use of all the space? #i think the issue is that my door when open takes up a lot of wall space which is inconvenient #maybe i dont need my night stand? i dont have anything there except my books #and a lamp which im admittedly attatched too but i can put it somerwhere else? #hm #originally the rearrange idea was so i can put a cat tree but i failed to realize how many objects i have #that need to be placed next to a wall #anyways #im so sweaty man #i stayed in bed for hours earlier trying to get myself to take a shower first before cleaning #before i had the genius epiphany that if im gonna clean im gonna get sweaty and dirty anyways so whats the point #so shower for later <3 #michi tag #moving my bed wiped me out man im so tired 😭 #u know those games where u have to have wnergy to play #thats what i feel like now. like i have 20 little lightning bolts left out of a hundred

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[puppyeared]

i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court

#im joking #i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture #and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet??? #its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure #i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^ #i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th #story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get #that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel #like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty #so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then #i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why #idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens #but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes #smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can #be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn #yapping #oc talk

[spookykestrel]

a $50 increase isnt that extreme. and $500 for rent isnt bad at all

no anon what you dont understand is its 1K for a one bedroom apartment . i could not afford this is if i lived on my own. i d have to share a bedroom with my roommate (which isnt the end of the world but for that id rather just stay with my parents for that). to be fair i did not search hard, but after a quick search, that was the cheapest i could find in like 20 miles. when my aunt was paying $450 rent, she was sharing with a couple other people and they had their own rooms. i dont know the exact details but if she had 2 roommates, that would still only be like 1250 for three bedrooms. thats an average price for a one bedroom around here.

Ok im rereading the tags I left in that post they’re not clear apologies — it’s not the cost I’m balking at, it s what I get for it

#i would love to pay 500 for an apartment that would be great i wouldnt complain! #but first i would have to find a roommate and also an apartment with space us both for $1000 #you can find $500 apartments an hour away from work(factoring in rush hour traffic) #but thats for..100 sq ft and i know nothing more abt location amenities etc #and i dont make enough to afford anything much more than that :] #yippee woohoo #kestrel calls #chitter chatter #i dont think it would be that bad if i could find a roommate but thats the first struggle lolll #its not that i NEED to move out so i cant complain too much #i just...would like the freedom id like to keep my job rather than move across the country to do who knows what #i didnt want to go off like this but you opened a door and this is just all i can think abt lol

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. odd i guess bc my sister is pretty smart #on paper shes smarter than me. or at least less dyslexic than me #but she didnt seem to kno what cancer is. i mean like how it works. i mean. cancer is a mistake. a confluence of unfortunate accidents #leading to unrestrained cellular growth. when it metastasizes. when it moves to other parts of the body. those same cells continue growing #if u have smooth muscle cancer and it moves to your kidney. you body is trying to grow more smooth muscle on your kidney #at least as i understand it. and she asked why it wants to kill you. it doesnt want anything. it just is. its not a thing of malicious #intent. its neutral. it grows. it takes up resources. it takes up space. and it grows and grows until the organ it grows on stops #functioning properly. like a parasite she said. but no. not like a parasite. it grows like an empty space. a mass of flesh. a constant #obstructive pressure. it grows like only a tumor can. i dunno. it didnt seem to connect with her that this thing didnt want to kill our mom #but it did anyway. and she felt weird about how long she lived after they took her off any support. but thats how cancer kills #it stops an organ from functioning and most of those r important so it only takes one. so her heart kept beating for 12 more hrs bc it was #meant to beat for 40 more years. but not much it could do without working kidneys and without working blood #but that's life. that's death. that's nature. its all nutral even if it feels horrible to the individual. #i dunno. i thought it was interesting. shes 25 and her mother had cancer for 10 years so id think shed kno more #we're at a weird phase now bc its been a week since she died and everything feels normal. we'll see what happens at the wake this week #its been interesting for sure bc she was sick for 10 years but my parents didnt prepare at all for her to die #so my dad is scrambling to put together the pieces shr left behind to make sure that all the bills r paid and whatnot. he had to guess her #computer password. she didnt tell us what she wanted us to have. she didnt tell us the importance of her jewelry and who it belonged to #before her. i dunno. we're seeing the outline of my mothers Pathology in what she left behind. both in the physical objects and in the #feelings she imparted. i dunno. its been weird #unrelated

[luvsavos]

i deserve financial compensation for the amount of fucking hoops i had to jump through to enable tipping on here

#mar.txt #this is /j obviously i'm just trying to be lighthearted to cope with the Anger ha ha ha :) #oh the urge to throw my phone as hard as possible into a hard surface. but i cannot. not Yet at least. but once i get a job and can get a #new one......... this one's getting destroyed through Brute Force :) #lets see how many times did i have to re-login and redo Everything because the verification thing wouldn't accept my id picture bc it was #'too blurry' so i had to take a picture with my phone camera but i had to clear app caches first because this phone is constantly at 99-100 #storage space. but Then because it fucking sucks ass and if i Breathe in the direction of another app whatever app i just tabbed off of #crashes and i have to reopen it. i had to log back in Again which meant waiting for the text message verification code Again (i live in the #middle of nowhere with a phone that Refuses to use the wifi for calls/texts and instead only uses the shitty cell service) #because Apparently tumblr users aren't allowed to stay logged in nor log in with a password. and Then i had to take a picture of the back #of my id too and i tried using my phone camera straight from the gallery option when i clicked upload. but because my phone sucks That also #crashed my browser and made me log back in. this isnt even counting btw how many times i TRIED to do it through tumblr but it kept stalling #and making me back all the way out log all the way back in and wait on it again for it to go further so i said fuck it and went to my #browser to do it. so i log back in and then i find out not only did attempting to take that picture crash my browser but it didnt even #actually TAKE the picture. so i have to click back over to my camera app Again and take the picture Again and log back in and wait the eons #it takes for things on this phone to load AGAIN. and then i Finally. FINALLY get it completed. #oh but did you think that was all? oh no i STILL had to log back in and load all the way back in Again through tumblr one final time to tel #the app i had done all that! and THEN i could turn tipping on. right? #no. i then had to close the app and reopen it again for it to Let me enable it. otherwise it just tried to take me back to stripe then #proceeded to give me an error message when i tried. great job tumblr #anyways that was infuriating #lmao i forgot to finish the original thought and check #anyways. around 7 or 8 times. that took almost a half hour of struggling i'm pretty sure. enraging☺

[tiefling-queer]

there is no universal accessibility. there is no one-size-fits-all.

as a genderqueer person, i'd be over the moon if someone looked at my presentation and stumbled or asked what my pronouns are. there are gnc people, trans and cis, who don't present or perform gender in a way that makes it 'obvious' what they are 'going for'. for me, that pause, however performative, is validating and affirming. for me, as a genderqueer person, presentation anarchy and public acceptance of gender nonconformity is comforting.

and on the other hand, i know trans women who are understandably frustrated at people ignoring cues in wardrobe and makeup and opting to degender them. being degendered or misgendered because cues are being missed or ignored is an awful feeling, and this is especially a problem that trans women and other trans fems face.

we've cultivated these protocols that are polite in specific circles that i genuinely believe are used in good faith most of the time, but that doesn't stop them from mimicing bigotry.

i have no answer. ask for my pronouns and don't ask my trans sisters for theirs. there isn't a nice answer.

#id tell everyone to get over it but i shouldnt have to and you shouldnt either #nobody asks my pronouns but everyone asks allie's and these are fruit of the same tree #i dont want to use the master's tools to deconstruct gender i want to use god's tools fire and wrath to destroy it #there's also something to be said #about how under cisheteropatriarchy trans feminine people are defective enough to lose all gendered class status #but trans masculine people have a liiiiittle space in there where we're still useful as breeders so we don't get degendered yet #it's only after we cross a threshold of usefulness that we are finally stripped of the class of womanhood #this is not a privilege. it's a different path to the same place #i dunno. if i think about it too long i get angry #it's easy to look at posts from trans women getting a courtesy never afforded to me and being hurt by it and get bitter. but that's the dev #but yeah. not fair that my girlfriend says she doesnt try to pass because it makes no difference if she does or not. #not fair that i get misgendered more frequenyly at this job than i did at my previous one. #not fair that we can't have anything without cis people making it into a weapon against us. #not fair that maintaining gender is a violence to me and destroying it is a violence to other trans people #gonna accept that as another absurdity and remind myself that if i despair about it then im a little bitch #thanks camus

[dexaroth]

i cant believe the day but i finally got a full tower pc. bought it already built and at a considerable discount of some 320 dollars off. its fucking huge and theres so many things going on inside... i was initially planning on choosing the parts myself but finding the graphics card was so hard and everyone else convinced me to just buy it built and honestly? good. id probably have fucked this up so badly by myself

i cant use it yet bc i took too long to buy the monitor that was also on sale and now its regular price -_- tho i managed to find a discount used one for now. well see how that goes since ill get it tomorrow. i tested it on out living room tv and it had some kaspersky thingy open and like thats so cute. i hope they left some treats in the browsing history for me to search through before i wipe it clean

#its a hexer case and wouldnt you guess the front has a hexagonal pattern. so pretty.. #it came with 3 fans installed there too that have a cmyk color style to them and it looks quite neat. im thinking of buying some leds to pu #inside the case to go with my keyboard tho idk if id go that far tbh (< gamer rot is setting in. im not immune to pretty lighting..) #its also got a lot of unused space inside. im thinking of making more sculptures to put in. though idk if thatd be safe for it #bc cold porcelain is glue and water. what if it evaporates inside and suddenly everythings covered in a glue film #i wonder if varnish would help? the transparent nail polish sure didnt do shit it came off like 2 days after sculpting the rw slug sleeping #which like yeah of course. its nail polish. but i didnt expect it to flake since all it does is sleep on top of my laptop keyboard #i need miniature glass cake cover tops to encapsule every sculpture inside for safety #looking at it still no wonder these are called towers gotdamn its legit so huge.. #it looks awkward tho bc i cant fully make it glue to the wall bc of the cables so its like. awkwardly a bit in front of the wall #im scaared as to how to tell if it ever gets too hot. on a laptop u just press ur head against the left half and feel how hot it is #i think im gonna need software for this.. sigh. tho maybe ill never get to that point since its supposed to be decent #AND its not 8 years old + the 3 fans and gpu fan and cpu fan. surely thats enough. the case even has space for more than that!! #the acrylic side reflects my keyboard too. so niceys. stimulation for my creature eyes #my desk is gonna be so fucked up when i have to organize everything too bc the one i have now is perfecly laptop-oriented #it sits on a custom wooden desk and the keyboard+drawing tablet sit below. but theres a shelf on top of my desk thats too low for the> #>normal monitor to sit to so i wont be able to use the custom desk. and i dont even know what ill do with my laptop either #finally a good change in my sad life routine fr. i cant wait to play watchdogs on this and overgrowth and other ones #AND LAGLESS KRITA SMUDGE ENGINE BRUSHES!!! AND DOUBLE BRUSHES. THEYRE SO LAGGY #A N D ACTUAL FULL HD NORMAL MONITOR. maybe that will get me to not draw in small canvases anymore #now im anxious i just want the day to be over to get the monitor tomorrow aouugh.. just bc i started coding my resources neocities page #dextxt #<the 'major life events' ((sorta)) tag returns. one for the books.. if something bad happens.. itll be here to remind me of the good times

[mrfoox]

Uh. Like month... 4... Without an big breakdown and im 😳 what.... Wha

#miranda talking shit #I always say this but holy shit what the fuck i didnt think medication could have so much impact #I thought be being numb would be the best case. But here i am like 👍 life's not so bleak. I have loved ones. There's more for me to see #Like what the fuck.... Ive been sucidal since i was 11... I thought that would just be permanent for me... That it would kill me one day #But here i am just.... Like...living? #I mean im still not living life to the fullest mainly bc im still not used to just ... Be and not feel like garbage #I still have many problems and inner battles but they don't .... Send me into the abyss or worse #Anti medication people can probably argue if im ACTUALLY happy or just high of my meds or something but i... #I just feel like myself but ...kinda like when you put on glasses after being without them for a while #You see things clearer again and you had forgotten that your eyes were bad #I see the same things who would make me smile for 1 second. Now i see them and they make me smile for half a minute or more #I feel i think a lot more and notice smaller things. Smaller delights. A little cute bug flying by. An pretty flower outside. Someone #Laughing with their friend. A child playing outside. They all make me happy now and i just ... Yeah. #I am not the most positive person alive or am super happy all the time... But having actual ... Normal days #Actually be just... Just fine. Not 'i have managed to not cry and kept my mental health in check somewhat etc' but actually just #Things are fine. On an scale more in tune with others version if fine. Im used to my okay days just being like... Oh i was awake today #I ate a meal today. I didn't cry. But i still had my usual bad mental space but it was fine bc it was a bit more manageable #That was a fine day. Now I'm like... Id describe my days now as great days. I usually have one or two of these days #Per year ... Now i have them like daily... Theyre just fine. It blows my mind... #Ive always been positive to medication despite not finding one that helped me as much as i... Wanted. But now it's like #Holy shit yeah. Wish i found this medicine at age 15 when i started and not 10 years later but man im glad i finally found it #So glad i decided not to just settle with the one i had. When i brought up i wanted to try new medication again #Doctors were like what... But why? And it's like.... Yeah that one i had was.... The best i had found at the time and i had kept it for 3 #Years. But it did only help me to stabilize some. I still felt like garbage... And explaining that to a doctor is like... Idk how to do that #Like id say my old medication helped 25% i know it helped mostly with my general anxiety. But it wasn't like to a point i felt #It was a GOOD medication for me. Just ... It was the best i had tried so... It was fine...

[orcelito]

With gay moon post approaching 600 notes (600 notes... 😥) I have had a few realizations

1: not everyone shares the same observations that I do. Which I say just bc I was IMMEDIATELY struck by the framing of Vash with the moon in that one panel the first time I saw it, but I've had a number of ppl mention they hadn't noticed it

Which leads into 2: the reason that post has so many notes is bc pointing out moments like that holds value to people. Plus I guess my commentary & conclusions? Plus acting as something for people to bounce their own ideas off of.

And then 3: there are probably more moments I could explore in such a way, & that could hold value to people

#speculation nation #im thinking about this a bit too matter of fact probably. but im just trying to make it make sense to myself lol #bc it doesnt FEEL like a post that should be approaching 600 notes to me #im just like. i was just saying some thoughts about things i thought other ppl also noticed #mostly a 'hey isnt this cool?' kinda post. which it is for a lot of ppl. and then there r more ppl who are like. enlightened lol #i have ALSO learned that if i have a post i put out there like this. i should uh. plan for the possibility of it blowing up. #aka i should thoroughly think thru it instead of spitballing it out & having ppl comment things i shouldve included #also possibly do IDs? with the post reaching a wider audience that sure is smth that could matter to some #i havent bothered for my personal posts bc like. idk ive never had anyone in my personal circle of followers mention it being necessary #and i probably still wont for dumb offhanded images lol. but for my analysis posts. probably would be good to do. #I Have Learned to not put things out there if i wouldn't want it to blow up in the state it's in hfkshdj #aka. Baby's First Kinda Big Post. #ultimately not that big compared to other ppl's stuff (right now 😥😥😥😥) but bigger than Aaaanything ive ever had #id been hiding with searches off for Years. and prior to that i didnt post anything of value anyways. #in terms of like. fandom stuff lol. mostly just my rambles & live reactions to things #WHICH SOME PPL HAVE BEEN INTERACTING WITH MY REACTION POSTS... most hilarious being the times i was inconsolable #after reading volume 10. like we all get it lol but Lmfao #ultimately i just hope ppl arent expecting perfection with my posts bc im just kinda bullshitting Everything #i have Never had a big blog. only a handful of my fanfic readers ever followed me here. #im used to the attention being on ao3 lol and this just a space for my bullshit #I Will Still Post Bullshit. but i have learned things for any posts i purposefully put in main tag lol #also sorry i keep posting about my post hfkshfj but it's just kinda crazy to me still. i am noooooot used to this.

[autistickaitovocaloid]

Top song playlist is here what are my vibes?

#art talks about stuff #tbh i didn't use spotify much this year but i obviously used it enough to have every song on here except for like 5 be vocaloid #also it does not surprise me at all that the first train and kafka + hydrangea are near the top #at first i couldn't remember why romeo and cinderella was there then i remembered i listen to it a bunch earlier this year #because the live version goes so fucking hard #anyway cast your votes on what's wrong with me in the notes below /j #no id #<- my brain's too mushy to make one sorry #edit: i don't have the actual wrapped thing bcuz spotify mobile is useless to me + i don't think i have the space to redownload it

[toastsnaffler]

this assay is so fucking fake......

#same one ive been working on for like 3 months. every other assay ive trained on took me a couple goes to get but ive done this one ~45x #and i keep getting 2 good runs and then 1 fail. which SUCKS bc i need 3 passes in a row to sign off on it #and its so sensitive that changing even tiny things like using a different brand same volume beaker. or a 0.5cm longer flea #anyway i had another 2 good runs this week so this was my 3rd but bc its a friday afternoon im tired as fuck and keep making dumb mistakes #like overstirring it + one of my samples leaked which is soooo embarrassing bc ive already had to ask for more before bc its taken me- #almost 50 fucking attempts already #anyway. hour and a half into prep and im at the most crucial time sensitive part which is pipetting thr enzyme into the substrate #and i manage to do it all w even time spacing (u have to replicate the exact same pace at the end of the timer or it doesnt work) #and then realise id picked up a different identical model pipette that was set to half the volume i was meant to put in FUUUUCK #by that point i was like fuck it im almost 2 hours in and nothing else to do the rest of the day. so ill work around it + see what happens #i figured well its half the volume. so if i add the same half volume again at the 5 minute mark and leave it for 12.5 instead of 10 mins #then itll hydrolyse the substrate to the same degree. IN THEORY in practice this stuff never works bc of error margins etc #bearing in mind this js like 30 seconds of thought bc it took me a couple mins to realise what i did #but the thing abt working in a lab is u make these split second decisions constantly bc everything is so time sensitive #so u have to be quick thinking on ur feet #anyway long story short got to the end of the 3 hour process. which i was carrying out v sloppily bc the chances of it working were- #slim by that point lmao. but lo and behold it was completely fucking fine. all cvs less than 5% and averages <5% of spec #which is awesome bc it means after THREE MONTHS and like. 45x3 whats that AT LEAST 135 HOURS OF FOCUSED TIME ON IT #not counting attempts i gave up on halfway thru bc id alreaady fucked them up bad #i can FINALLY sign off on it lmfao. but im just so mad like why does it play these mind games with me. it shouldnt have worked #whatever chemistry is such a fickle stupid science. anyway wahoo weekend time baby #gorgeous weather here + im gonna get pizza on the way home...... maybe life doesnt suck sometimes 😇 #mutuals if ur still at work stay strong soldiers #.diaries

[ineedaplacetostay]

Fuck it, I’m saying this one on main, name and all.

[Image ID: screenshot of a post in tumblr dark mode by user nottobeadickoranything, reading “Hey um, everyone,,,uhh do you think the Drake-Kendrick beef started to draw attention away from Israel doing a trail of tears in Rafah,,,,mayb??”

Under the post are the tags ‘kendrick lamar,’ ‘drake,’ and ‘free palestine.’

End ID]

We’re not doing this. We are not fucking giving space for this conspiratorial bullshit that mirrors white supremacist rhetoric about Jewish people using Black people and/or some cabal Illuminati nonsense.

Was the #beef manufactured at all? I don’t think so, but I don’t know.

Would an entire other government call up a pair of Black rappers and have them bringing up predator allegations years in the making only to start attacking once it all died down?

Use your brains! Help Palestinians escape if you can! Donate to the PCRF! (Maybe or maybe not the PCRF part)

But this racist, antisemitic shit with no proof? We’re not fucking doing that.

EDIT: adding on that neither the Met Gala nor Eurovision were/are planned distractions. Those are things that happen. Y’all are acting antisemitic and ridiculous.

EDIT 2: I have to keep adding onto this for some reason, but Israel is also not using events that happen to “hide” their actions. Thinking of a Jewish government as being uniquely underhanded or sneaky instead of a country making decisions (often openly stated, for better or worse) is.

Well, you can guess what that is by now, can’t you?

#kendrick lamar #palestine #antisemitism

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#christ. so i was selected as the top candidate for the program i interviewed with on Friday #and im very annoyed and very pleased and also annoyed that im pleased #im pleased bc it means that they were impressed with what ive done to this point and they think i communicate well. which is cool #and the project is very very cool and id love to work on it #am annoyed bc this does put pressure on me to accept bc they can only put one student forward so if i dip out then thats it for them #which i find extremely stressful. and everything is just so much more complicated if i go to the uk for a phd #and i dont get the luxury of faffing about and taking a bunch of classes like i could in the us. ugh but it would b so cool to go back to #the uk and i wouldn't have to fucking drive. ugh. this project. #ugh its like my boss said #sometimes the project is more worth it than the school. id have crazy cool opportunities to learn things on this project #but at the cost of taking a lot of classes in the us. but every project is what u make of it #but im so fucking dyslexic thst its hard to learn outside a classroom bc i cant concentrate and i dont have a person talking me thru the #info. so idk idk. hopefully when i visit the other school ill kno how i feel #god but i loved living in the uk. and i could travel so much more freely there bc the trains and all that. im so fucking restricted bc im #so terrified of driving. i dont have good reaction speed and i space out too much and i get intrusive thoughts #sigh... but id be a whole 24hrs of travel away from my family instead of the 10hrs thst i am now #so id probably only get to see them once a year maybe? in contrast to 2 or 3 times #and im just worried something terrible will happen and then ill be like fuck i wasted all my time making myself miserable so far away #idk. im so tired. we had like a mile abd a half hike out to a site one way and we left at 7.30 got back at like 4 #it was a long fucking day. and im tried. and i have no filter. and when i talk too much it really annoys me #also! i got confirmation that i fucking suck at recording data. wow im so shocked. its basically designed for me to be terrible at #but its still slightly embarrassing. like srry i fucked up ur data. i cant write words correctly #literally i kept writing my Ls upside down today. why? idk that not how i see them. my brain just cant make Language right lol #whatever. my parents r calling tomorrow and i can info dump at them abt my dyslexia knowledge and my academic knowledge of biblical history #bc instead of listening to anything useful to my job. i choose to listen to lectures on neurology and theology. bc fucking idk #its interesting im relearning my bible lore from a non religious perspective. theology is fucking fascinating. ugh anyway #i shoulf sleep im so fucking tried #unrelated

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#diary #personal #im gonna finish eating and go back to lay in my bed all day... #im just sorta. it really really hurts and i honeslty cant handle interacting with others right now. #hell. everything just hurts so much right now. #like. i tried to force myself to do something and just. i end up getting instantaneous backlash. #im really tired. and id just like to exist calmly. #so imma go back to bed after eating and using the washroom and do nothing else at all today. #i honeslty dont think i can today. like. i obviously can. but at what cost? #im beyond burnt out. still recovering from a meltdown/shutdown/breakdown/whatever. and im sore and in pain #im really tired of living like this. and id rather stay in bed. and actually feel okay there instead. #here? its just painful. i barely got out of bed to eat and now i just regret it. #i wouldve not eaten. i would've liked to have not eaten. but i barely convinced myself to get outta bed. #but then the thing i was gonna gave we were out of. and then i got stressed while making porridge #and while i barely finished everything hurts beyond all else. #i just. im used to this. its fine. but i still hate it. #i dont mind taking care of myself. really. i just wish i had enough space to do so without being set back again and again #im so fucking tired. and i dont think anyone ever really understands what that means? #not to me at least. they seem to think itll be fine #but its not. its really not. i have to keep supressing the urge to just quit my job and actually just be okay. #but i have to press on. i have to work. i dont know why. but its not like i have much of a choice? #i dont know why im bothering. i dont know. #im really tired. and theres no break that could ever realy fix this. im sorta just fucked arent i? #haaah. what i wouldnt give to live differently. what i wouldnt give to just live elsewhere.