#i took two finals today and even tho i went to bed early (midnight) i somehow managed to toss and turn and stay awake until 3 am when i got | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xtinyaurora · 3 years

Note

Heyyyyy I’m new here :3 could I request ATEEZ reaction to you being a brat? :3

Ateez reaction: Bratty Y/N

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➼ requested?: yes

➼ genre: smut

➼ pairing: Ateez x neutral!reader

➼ Word-count: 2k+

➼ Warnings: nsfw content, strong language, cursing, threads, annoyance, bratty behavior, pet names...

➼ Note: This is not based on their real behavior or meant to represent real life. This is simply a fan fiction and is only for the purposes of fun, it’s a hobby. Read at your own risk!

➼ A/N note: Sorry for updating after a longer time, I had a few mental health issues... Thanks to everyone who waited tho and thank you so much for 200+ followers... Please let me know if you have ideas in mind for a ‘special'! Hope you all like this one tho. Feel free to leave some feedback! Also, let me know if any of you wants to be added to my taglist!

➼ Taglist: @teeztheflag @darkstarlights

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Park Seonghwa

You were sulking because Seonghwa didn’t bought you that dress you saw in one of those expensive shops today. Actually, you could call him your „sugar daddy”. He bought you anything you wanted whenever you wanted, but not today. Today was different, because you already started to provoke him in the early morning, disobeying and yelling at him. He didn’t know what happened to you, even after asking a hundredth of times, you just kept on being bratty towards the male. Soon, he had enough. While the two of you were sitting in the car, at the parking lot of the shopping mall, you kept on complaining about that dress. Seonghwa leaned into your side and grabbed your throat, immediately shutting you up. „You better stop talking, before I lose my shit and hit you right in the face and fuck you right on top of this car, baby. Would you like that? For all people to see how I put you in your place. Huh?” You silently shook your head, a hint of fear written on your face. „I thought so. Now stop being a bratty little bitch and start behaving, understood?” Again, you remained silent, nodding your head this time. Seonghwa then sat back and started the power of the car, driving off, back home.

Kim Hongjoong

Hongjoong finally took a day off, immediately calling you to go on a date but you were mad at him. Why? He knew that you had other plans today but still choose this day to take a break. „Y/N, baby, come on. You know I have no say in this. This is not my fault, so please come to the restaurant we always go to, okay?” You let out a ironic laugh. „Tz. First, you pick the worst day and now you want me to come there myself? Oh no, if you really want to get out with me then you are going to pick me the fuck up.” Hongjoong was kinda shocked, not excepting this kind of behavior. After massaging his temples, since this boy was stressed and annoyed by your way of behaving, he just hung up the call, not in the mood to keep up with you right now. You went absolutely insane. Like, how dare he? When midnight came around, Hongjoong entered the front door, food in his hands. You were sitting in the living room, still pissed about earlier today. A knock on the doorframe made you look up. When spotting your boyfriend, you rolled your eyes and kept watching tv. „Haven’t cool down yet?” You got back to 180. „Excuse me?! Get your ass out of this room Mr. 'I think I can allow myself whatever I want' because yes, I am still mad at you.” He stared at you, not believing what was happing. Since when did you get so bratty? Shaking his head while approaching you and placing the food on the table, he grabbed both of your forearms and looked you deep in the eyes. „Okay now listen here you bratty bitch. You’re gonna listen to me and start behaving or I will punish you so hard that you wish you could turn the time back and thank me for making time for you, okay? I want my good little kitten back because I don’t like nasty strays that don’t obey me. No one would like one, so be happy and appreciate me you ungrateful pice of shit and shut the fuck up.”

Jeong Yunho

He was just staring at you blankly, while you were throwing a tantrum. This already happened a couple of times but it was never this bad. He kept on watching you, until you eventually calmed down yourself. It really provoked you that he didn’t stop you or has done anything for that matter. At some point, you gave up because you knew how well Yunho could control his anger. Honestly, you didn’t even know why you freaked out like that. Both of you were searching for a movie to watch and when Yunho picked one that you already saw and absolutely hated, both of you started auguring. It’s his turn to pick the movie because you picked last time, yet that didn’t sit with you. Maybe you were just having a bad day? At least that’s what Yunho told himself. „Are you done now?” You sat there, at the ground while Yunho sat in front of you, on the couch. „Yea... sorry.” Yunho nodded, pulling you up on his lap. You thought he will cuddle with you but sike, he flipped you over so you were laying on your stomach, over his knees, ass in perfect view for him. „How many hits do you think you deserve? Hm? Maybe 20 or 30? Or... 40 or 50?”

Kang Yeosang

He had this furious and annoyed look on his face. You got kinda terrified now, knowing what a beast this boy could be when he was mad. He watched you until you went silent, sitting next to each other and waiting for what’s going to happen next. You started to get nervous because Yeosang kept looking at you without saying or doing anything. His silence never meant anything good... „Stop looking.” He raised one of his eyebrows. „Stop talking.” You did keep quiet, not knowing what else to do now. „Dumb pet, do you think you’re worth my time? Oh how embarrassing... It’s such a shame that there are so many people who want me yet I chose you over everyone else, an ungrateful little bitch.” His words kinda hurt and you stated to doubt your worth. Maybe he’s right? You maybe should have followed the rules. You shouldn’t have told him no and most important, you shouldn’t have done all of that in front of his friends. You kinda started to regret it but it was way too late now. Even if you did apologize now, Yeosang wouldn’t forgive you, he will punish you no matter what. The more silence there is, the harder the punishment will be. „Go into the bedroom. Take your clothes off and wait for me.”

Choi San

To be direct, you were unnecessarily overreacting. When you visited the boys and watch them while they practiced, San didn’t greet you as usual and you didn’t like that. At all. He was too focused to even notice you tbh. When he finally turned around and spotted you, he rolled his eyes, taking in your grumpy state. He made his way towards you, so he could give you a kiss but you pushed him away. He gave you a questioning look but you just turned your face away. „Hey, give me a kiss.” You still didn’t move, hoping to upset somehow. „Y/N.” His first warning. „Look at me.” Still, you didn’t move. The other members started to notice but kept on practicing because they didn’t wanted to get involved in anything. San exhaled loudly, pulling you up and dragging you out with him. „Don’t touch me!” You yelled at your boyfriend. He didn’t even bother to listen to you. „It hurts!” You hoped that he would loosen his grip a bit, but instead his grip on you got stronger. When he reached his room, he threw you on the bed and undressed himself. „You hurt me!” Still having that attitude on, you again yelled at him. He gave you a murderous look, finally shutting you up. He the hovered over you, staring you dead in the eyes. „If you ever dare to pull something like that in front of the other members again, I will make you regret visiting us, okay? Now better behave, before I completely lose the last bit of my self control, you stupid kid.”

Song Mingi

„Mingi, Mingi! Wake up!” You shook him until he groaned out in annoyance. „Y/N? What’s wrong?” You huffed. „I am bored. You have to do something with me, come on.” You tried to pull him up but he was stronger than you, resulting that you were the one being pulled and laying on top of him now. „Did you loose your mind? It’s three in the morning, let me sleep!” He half yelled, half whispered. As he was about to drift off to sleep again, you pulled on his hair, making him tear his eyes open and cry out loudly. „Ouch! What the heck, Y/N? That hurts!” A smile creeped on your face, finally achieving your goal of waking him up. He just stared at you, giving you a ‘are you serious?’ type of look. „Now that you’re awake, we can do something! Should we watch a movie or should we play some ga-“ „No! We are not going to do any of these! It’s bed time, so lay down! I am not in the mood for all of this.” You smacked his thigh. „No Mingi, get up! What do you not get from 'I am bored, let’s do something’, huh?” He really has enough. „Okay Bunny, you wanna do something? Let’s play a game. It’s called ‘try not to scream while getting your ass beaten and brain fucked out’. Sounds fun, right?” You gulped, then getting pulled and flipped around, so that your backside faced up. At least he’s full of energy now...

Jung Wooyoung

Both of you were sitting in a restaurant. He was already fed up with your behavior but he let go because he didn’t had enough strength to deal with you right now. This cutie was so hungry and tiered after practice, that he didn’t wanted things to go wrong but you really left him no choice. Just because you didn’t wanted to eat in this restaurant and wanted to go to your favorite one instead, you stated to act up, gaining lots of attention from all the nagging and yelling. Wooyoung grabbed your upper arm and pulled you near him, whispering in your ear so others wouldn’t hear. „Shut your mouth now Y/N, I’ve had enough of your bullshit. You’re so fucking embarrassing you stupid brat.” He then let go, harshly shoving your arm away and leaning back. When the waiter approached you two, to note your order, you remained silent. After rolling his eyes, Wooyoung ordered food only for himself. When he finished eating, he stood up and threw some money in the table. He was about to walk away when he turned around to face you. „If you don’t get up within the next two seconds, I will break your legs.” He gave you a last condescending look before walking out. You obeyed and followed him out, joining him in his car. He didn’t even spare you a glance, driving straight to your apartment a grin forming on his face, several ideas for your punishment popping into his head.

Choi Jongho

Hit after hit, you put in more effort to annoy him. You soon realized that this wasn’t enough, so you started pinching and biting him. „Ouch, Y/N, are you crazy?!” Ah, finally! You smirked at him and wiggled your eyebrows, satisfied that he finally showed a reaction. „Do you think that’s funny?” You smiled. „Very. And now that I finally have your attention, you can do something with me. Oh and, get me some water please I am thirsty.” He stared at you in disbelief. „Are you okay, Y/N?” You gave him a look of disapproval. „Uhm, yea? I still am but if you don’t get me my water I won’t be and than I am going to hit you, again.” He was kinda amused now. „Oh? Where does all that attitude come from, all of a sudden?” You shrugged with your shoulders. „I don’t know and I don’t care. You gotta deal with it now.” You laid down on the couch both of you were sitting on and placed your legs on his lap. „I am still waiting for my water Jong.” He didn’t move. You wanted to raise your head up to scold him but he was faster than you, now hovering over you. „I will give you something else to drink. Get down and kneel. We have to clean that bratty mouth of yours, yea? Come on brat, suck me off. You don’t want me to get mad now, do you?”

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heythere-mel · 3 years

Text

Sleepless

Frankie Morales x f!reader

Summary: Your niece comes over to spend the night, as your thoughts of you and Frankie being parents come to the surface.

W/C: 1.3K+

Warnings: none really. This is fluff af, with just a quick euphemism to spice. Tío Frankie being adorable comes with his own warning.

A/N: hey y’all, I’m back on my soft Frankie bullshit (did I ever really leave tho?) with another quick oneshot purely based on my niece staying over with me and her bed hogging ways. Thanks once again to @icanbeyourjedi for literally going back and forth with me over all the soft Frankie thoughts, especially this one that hit me at 6AM today. Also sorry if this is formatted terribly again, literally done on my phone, hahaha. Please enjoy 🥰

The last Saturdays of the month were always reserved for you and your niece to have sleepovers. She loved going over to your place because you were quote “the fun tía” always allowing her to stay up a little later than normal, building forts in the living room, and eating all the sugary treats she couldn’t have much of back home. This didn’t change either after you and Frankie decided to move in together. He practically was a big kid at heart so he didn’t mind getting a chance to partake in the little things such as these. Plus, seeing the bond he was creating with her made you think of the future with him, and maybe even doing all of this with your own kids some day...

Frantic rings from your doorbell signaled the child’s arrival. Opening the door to greet her, “Hi ti-“ she looked passed you with eyes wide and mouth agape as she nearly trampled you when she caught sight of the massive blanket fort that had taken up the entire living room. Frankie had been up super early saying he wanted to surprise her, grabbing every spare sheet and pillow he could possibly find in your little home. From under it all, you see that familiar hat and scruffy face finally pop out of the ‘doorway.’

“Hi small fry!”

“Tío Frankie!” As she ran to him, engulfing him in a big hug.

Did she just call him tío? Had she called him that before? Frankie had been in your life for the better part of a couple years now so you didn’t feel it necessary to correct her. Your heart nearly bursts right there.

“Did you build this?!” her little mind obviously blown at the construction of it all.

“Sure did! Do you like it?”

“It’s only the coolest thing EVER!”

Frankie’s chest swelled with pride as he took her little hand into his, leading her inside to give the grand tour.

The night went off without a hitch. You had ordered her favorite pizza, had all the ice cream with extra toppings, (Frankie couldn’t decide what to get so grabbed all the candy toppings possible because she “had to have options.”) and you were now settling in to watch her favorite movie, The Princess and the Frog, snuggled with her and about 10 of her favorite plushies in tow, the Baby Yoda plush being her new favorite.

Getting later into the night you and Frankie were trying to see how the both of you would fit into this fort to sleep alongside her, most of the room being taken up by the oversized stuffed animals.

“Tía, you and Tío Frankie don’t have to stay here with me. I am a big girl now!”

“Oh, uhhh, are you sure about that bub? We can find a way to make room.”

“Yeah! I’m 6 now! Duh!” as she stifled out a yawn.

Always the independent one. “Okay then. We’ll be right in the next room if you do decide you need us, okay?”

“Okay.” She softly murmured quietly starting to slip into sleep.

After one final check to see if she was tucked in alright and making sure to have her little night light plugged in, you start heading to your bedroom when you turn back to see Frankie bending down to give her a soft little kiss on the forehead and a whispered, “goodnight small fry.” Your heart couldn’t have been any more full at the moment.

Everything had gone smoothly, until about midnight when you felt something, or more someone tugging at your oversized tshirt. You slowly open your eyes only to bolt out of your sleep when you are met with the silhouette of your niece staring directly at you. Frankie springing up at the same time to see what was going on, instinctively starting to shield you with his body at the “threat.”

“Holy shit! I mean, shoot! You scared me bub!”

She said she couldn’t sleep and if it was alright to get into bed with the two of you. Obliging, you make room in the middle for her, making sure she was tucked in again as it took no time at all before small snores once again begin to emanate the room.

Slap! A small arm hit you directly in the face as you turn to try and move the child back over. Frankie wasn’t fairing any better as he had a small foot in his lower back. Each of you had both been relinquished to the edges of the bed clinging for dear life.

“Whose idea was it again to let her up here?” you groaned.

“She’s sleeping diagonally. How is that even comfortable?!” Frankie stated, now completely sliding out of the bed and staring down at the small girl who now overtook his half of the mattress.

“Here, let me scoot her over a bit. Maybe I can make room for the both of us.”

After a little adjusting, and even a failed attempt at trying to swaddle her to prevent future flailing limbs, you were left with a small space to share as the two of you lie on your sides facing each other, exhaustion starting to kick in.

Your leg was propped up on Frankie’s hip, trying anything to get into a comfortable position when you let out a defeated huff.

“Babe just, here let me.” Frankie taps your thigh signaling you to sit up as best you could with the child so close, as he maneuvered his way on to his back. “Okay you can lay down now.” as he pats his chest, beckoning you to him.

“Frankie, I’m not gonna put my full weight on you, you won’t be comfortable.”

“It’s not like we haven’t been in this position before.” cocking his eyebrow up with a playful smirk.

You huff out a short laugh as a playful “Francisco!” leaves your lips.

“Ven cariño.” as he gently pulls you to his chest.

You situate yourself wrapping your arms around his soft middle, your head falling into the crook of his neck, while his strong arms and broad shoulders encase you as you both let out a relaxed sigh at the closeness.

“This is nice.” you whisper.

“Told you.”

You bring your left hand up to play with some of the curls at the nape of his neck, him running his warm hand up and down your spine.

“Plus, I see this as great practice for when we have kids.”

You slowed the motion of your hand through his hair and slowly leaned up to face him.

“Y-you want to have children with me Frankie?”

The two of you hadn’t really had the “children” discussion yet. Having just moved in together you were taking things slowly. But knowing he was obviously having thoughts about it as well and how he had been so good with your niece, it further cemented the idea in your mind.

“Well, yeah of course.” as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“I mean, when the time is right and all, you know? If you’d want that.” he quickly added.

You gently lean down to capture his lips in a chaste kiss, pouring all the tender love and emotion you were feeling in that moment into it.

“I think I’d like that.” trying hard to contain your growing smile.

“Plus, I know we’d have the cutest kids ever!” he blurted out.

You buried your head into his chest with a muffled laugh, then looking back up in total agreeance.

“Oh, THE cutest!”

Your hushed laughter calmed as you go back to simply embracing each other, allowing the woes of slumber to catch up to you, finally being lulled to sleep by Frankie’s heartbeat falling into rhythm with yours and a tiny hand reaching out to touch your entwined arms, also wanting to be just as close.

#frankie morales x f!reader #frankie morales oneshot #frankie morales fluff #we stay soft for one (1) frankie morales #francisco 'catfish' morales #frankie morales #pedro pascal #mel writes!

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movedbl0g · 3 years

Text

Soulmates - alexa

genre: soulmates!au, angst/comfort, fluff?, genderneutral!reader, reader x female character

Warnings: negative thoughts/self talk

Words: 1,695k

Requested by @roaringtwentys

A/N: i’m sorry that it took me so long to write this but i hope you’ll enjoy this fanfic!!

Feel free to let me know what you think about the fanfic and have fun reading :DD

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Only a few more minutes and you‘ll turn eighteen. Your heart was bumping really fast and you nervously checked your wrist every few seconds waiting for the tattoo to finally show up.

All of your friends already turned eighteen, tattoos with the name of their soulmates marking their wrists and even some of them already found their soulmate after recognizing the name on their body or finding them through their names.

Only a few seconds were left and your eyes didn’t leave your wrist. You held your breath out of excitement, hoping the name that‘ll appear will be the one you were hoping for. You were pretty sure that it was your your best friend, or let’s say you really hoped that it was your best friend. She already turned eighteen a month ago, but you both made a promise to look at it together when you both turn eighteen, so you talked over facetime, waiting impatiently for the clock striking midnight.

The friendship between you and your bestfriend Lin was pretty close and you‘d be lying if you‘d say that you didn’t have any feelings for her. All the years you already spent together, countless sleepovers and adventures, the two of you growing closer and closer, sharing some of your deepest secrets and enjoying some of the best moments in your life together.

The only thing that was different between the two of you was that Lin always jumped from relationship to relationship, never really finding the right one, while you never even had a relationship before.And you couldn’t help but believe that those relationships didn’t work out because she tried to escape her feelings for you and that those relationships just weren’t meant to be.

Together with Lin, you counted down the last seconds. Five...four...three...two..one...and your eyes immediately spotted the name on your wrist, the letters written cursively and small, making it hard to see from a distance. But as you read the letters that marked your skin, you completely froze, your heart suddenly stopped beating and your eyes were furrowed in confusion as you read the name again and again,but you just couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t Lins name, but neither it was from someone you knew.

You’re eyes started filling with tears. You couldn’t believe that your emotions tricked you. You were so incredibly sure, so incredibly convinced that she was the one,but all of your hopes and daydreams were broken in one second. How the hell was that possible. You couldn’t imagine feeling closer to another person than Lin and it felt like there never would be anyone as close as Lin.

A worried “Y/N??” interrupted your thoughts from circling in your head, your friend worriedly looking at you through the screen.

“Look who i got!”, she said while happily showing her tattoo to the camera, trying to lift you up, but in that moment, it just made things worse. You weren’t the one on her wrist and she doesn’t seem to be bothered at all. You felt incredibly stupid. Stupid for believing that she would be the one on your wrist, stupid for thinking that she had feelings for you too, stupid for thinking that you were on her wrist. All of this was just stupid.

“Which name did you get??” Lin asked with excitement, her eyes looking curiously at you.

You took a deep breath, trying to hide the pain in your voice. “Actually”, you started speaking,” i never heard of this name before...”

Your friend looked at you, her eyes glancing in excitement “so who is it??what does it say??”

“Alexandra Christine Schneidermann”

—————

Time skip

A day has passed and you still weren’t in the right space to talk with Lin, you ignored her texts and didn’t pick up when she called. You didn’t even have the energy to get out of bed, not knowing what to believe anymore because your emotions betrayed you and the strong feeling you had was completely wrong. You kept thinking about the name on your wrist, questioning if you did something wrong and thinking that that was the reason for having someone else’s name on your wrist.

It already was late in the afternoon when you finally decided to get out of your bed and went for a walk, trying to clear you head. When you walked along the streets, a cold breeze passed by, making you shiver a little bit. It was early spring, the sun was shining through the green trees and the fields you passed by were covered in flowers, but the wind was still cold and some clouds covered the sky.

Before you returned home, you wanted to get something to warm up a little bit, so you mindlessly walked through the streets until you spotted a small cafe. The typical coffee smell entered your nose as soon as you entered through the door, a bell ringing as you entered.

You overheard a little conversation from the few people that sat in the cafe while a cozy warmth spread in your body. You walked up to the counter and scanned the menu, until you finally decided on your drink. You walked up to the counter and ordered your drink, receiving it shortly after.

As you wanted to walk up to an empty seat you bumped into something all of the sudden, your drink spilling everywhere. As you looked up you saw a shocked woman in front of you, completely frozen and mouth wide open.

“Are you okay??”, you asked while reaching your hand out to help her up.

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’m fine, nothing happened and it’s my fault anyway, i’m really sorry I just wasn’t paying attention at all and I-“ she started stumbling nervously while shaking away some of the dust from her pants with her hands.

“Don’t worry it’s alright” you reassured her, laying one of your hands on her shoulder in order to calm her down a bit. Your eyes flew over her body and you only noticed now that she was really small. Besides that she was dressed very cutely, with her brown hair braided back,some strands already hanging around loosely, her minimalistic pink make up and a light pink tint on her lips making her look even more cute.

There was an awkward silence for a second,before the eyes of the woman fell onto your drink, seeing that it was spilled everywhere in the floor.

“Oh my god!! I’m really sorry about your drink it’s spilled everywhere and-“

“It’s fine” you reassured her once again, but she eagerly shook her head. “Come and let me buy you a new one” she said and started to drag you towards the counter before you could say anything and not that much later you had a new drink and you both sat together on a table, talking about the most random things and whatever came to your minds.

You only met her about an hour ago, but something made you feel extremely safe around her, there was nothing awkward, no bad feeling. You didn’t hesitate to tell her about all the things you like to do, sharing some of your childhood stories and even mentioning Lin.

After you told a story about when you and Lin build a treehouse together, her facial expressions dropped and she seemed to be a little bit tensed all of the sudden.

“That girl Lin” she asked “is she your soulmate?”

“No” you answered after a short pause,the word hardly leaving your tongue. “At first i thought so, but i guess i was completely wrong with that” you continued to speak while fidgeting with the straw of your drink.

An “Oh” formed on the woman’s lips and she nodded her head understandingly.

“To be honest” she spoke up after a while “I’m not all to sure about that soulmate stuff...i feel like everyone forgets about the people they value once their soulmate is revealed..they all go crazy searching for their soulmate and a lot of them just forget about the rest...but in my opinion it doesn’t matter if I’m somebody’s soulmate or not - what matters are the memories you create together, having good times together, soulmates or not”

You took a second to think about the words she just said and the more you thought it the more you realized that she was right. Even tho Lin isn’t your soulmate, you still have her as an amazing friend, you still have all the memories with her. And even if it’s not in a romantic way, you can still be together as friends and your emotions would probably sort themselves out with time.

You looked at the phone and saw all of the notifications and missed calls from Lin on your phone and all of the sudden you felt really bad for her. It probably would be the best if you told her about your emotions and explained your situation.

“I think i have to go and clear up some things” you said while standing up from your seat. “But i think i was really lucky to meet you, you really helped me out a lot, you know”, you said while giving her a big smile.

“No problem, i mean i somehow owed you something anyway for spilling your drink. And besides that, it felt really nice to talk to you and I’m more than happy to help you out”, she said while giving back an even bigger smile.

“Maybe we can meet again sometime,....uhmmm...i totally forgot to ask about your name” you realized.

“Oh yeah,i totally forgot! My name is Alexandra, but you can just call me Alex” she said while she held her hand out in order to shake your hand as a goodbye.

You took her hand and shook it tightly. “My name is y/n by the way!!” you shouted over to her ,before you walked out of the cafe.

You almost were back in your apartment, when it finally hit you. Could that be? Could that really be her? You rolled up the sleeve of your shirt, scanning your wrist for the name of your soulmate. And there it was. Alexandra. Alexandra Christine Schneidermann.

Was that the reason you felt so close? Was all of that meant to be? Was that really her? Only one day ago you felt like you never would meet someone and would be closer to them as Lin, but the warmth, the safeness you felt around her today was so intense, that you only realized now, that you only had met today.

This time you were 100% sure. She must be the one. The way she completed you just felt so right.

Alexandra Christine Schneidermann, your Soulmate.

~ the end

🖤masterlist

#alexa #kpop fanfic #kpop imagine #kpop scenarios #soulmate #aleXa #alex christine #kpop alexa #alexa fanfic #alexa imagine #alexa icons #alexa scenario #alexa x reader #x reader #insert reader #soulmates au

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itsjayyyy · 5 years

Text

January 16, 2019 4:51 pm

So on last thursday after that update, I met up with heather for the first time since October. We met up at starbucks, but neither of us bought a drink. She already knew about my moving out because she saw me posting about it on snapchat. I told her all about how my new roommates don’t really talk to me (or do the dishes, or pay rent on time...) and also how my parents didn’t let me have my own bed (she was really shocked at that, which i didn’t understand like girl ive been homeless because of my parents no shit they won’t let me take a bed they bought themselves). I also told her about the whole rose situation, and ofc anna. I thought it was funny how when i told her about the whole “surgery on a porcupine” she was like “how is that possible? you mean she did surgery on those things that fall off of trees?”

After hanging with her, I went home since I had like 5 hours until my next class. rose kept messaging me like “hey are you ready to meet up?” “i can see you’re home now” etc. I didn’t answer, and honestly i was annoyed that she used my location as a weapon, so i left my phone at home when i went to class. Which was kinda annoying tbh, i felt so disconnected without it. (just got sidetracked, but i think when i get my student refund i’m gonna buy an ipod nano 1st gen, which was the first mp3 player i ever had. prob gonna fill it with the 3 vocaloid cd’s i found). After class i went to get a smoothie, then drove home. rose was waiting outside my door for me to get home, and she started going on about “omg i was so worried you weren’t answering my texts etc” we get into my apartment, and i just kinda unloaded onto her (again). just told her how it’s not even just the whole mom situation, but all of them had piled so much hate onto me since i was a kid that i’m incapable of loving myself, and it only frustrates me when they say “don’t see yourself negatively!” it’s like someone breaking your arm and then saying “just use your hand to grab x” without acknowledging that your arm was broken by them. she starts crying (as she always does tbh), then we go to get sushi.

friday i only had one class (psychology) so i chilled at home most of the day. can’t really remember what i did lol. oh wait i think i hung out with rose, to make up for not hanging out on thursday. yea we chilled at my apartment for a bit, then went to the west side to scoop up peter and get hooter’s. and then i complained about how i started feeling sick, and then called in saturday. i told myself that i would get ahead on my homework and clean my room, but i spent most of the day chilling. the gray cat that hangs around my apartment walked by my window, so i opened it and pet her. She climbed into my room, and i spent a good 3 hours just playing with her. I texted the owner asking if she was pregnant or not (bc she really looked like she was about to give birth) but he texted back saying it was a boy, and neutered. apparently he’s just super cuddly.

i called in sunday too, since it’s like i already lost an attendance point and i didn’t feel like going to work. i actually was productive that day, like i did laundry and cleaned my room. still getting the depressive episode out of my system, though, so i wasn’t running at full capacity.

on monday, i checked anna’s twitter (btw after i soft blocked her i felt that she was still looking at my profile tho, like our tweets would mirror each other in mood a lot), and she tweeted “omg i think my crush is flirting with me” so rip my chances with her. and yea i know it wasn’t about me bc outside of class i heard her talking about how they were talking thru snapchat. :c

i really can’t wait until fall when i get transferred to the downtown campus, though. as i was walking up to msb, i saw someone sitting directly next to the entrance. and you can probably guess who it was. I really thought “new semester, new schedule, no more stalker savon waiting outside my classes” but i guess i was wrong. as i sat in the hall waiting for my class to start, I had a minor anxiety attack that i tried to cover up by talking to my classmates and professor about high school funding. luckily in that conversation, i learned that msb has two side exits, so now i have different paths to take. (honestly this whole time i’ve gone here, i thought the “handicap accessible” sign in front of the side entrance was trying to say that wheelchairs should go down the stairs, but my classmate pointed out that it was supposed to say “handicap accessible, up this path to the right,” not directly forward. I took the side stairs after class and basically ran to the garage in case he was following. At home i still had an assignment for comp, which was “visit a place on campus that you’ve never been to before and draw it in a 4-panel comic” (this class is all about multimodal writing) which, by the way, is really only possible for freshmen. as a spohomore, there isn’t a single place on campus that i haven’t been to. except for that side stairwell. so i drew my experiences taking a new staircase as an exit. let me make this journal entry multimodal by adding my comic:

anyways, that comic was apparently way overdrawn, when all of my classmates did simple stick figures at memory mall. kinda felt like wednesday addams wearing a long black dress at summer camp. it was nice tho, gave me a way to express all of my feelings about the whole thing (since i had nobody to talk to). it was like art therapy.

tuesday we had a quiz at the end of calc. i know hindsight’s 20/20, but seriously how the fuck did i fail this class it’s so damn simple. I finished the quiz in a literal 30 seconds and then sat there because i didn’t want to be the first person to finish. all of my classmates looked really deep in thought too, so i started to wonder if i was maybe not doing it right. but then the professor walked by and saw i wasn’t doing anything, so i was like “is this all that we have to do (setting up an integral but not even solving it)” and he was like yea, ur good. surreal.

then i went home and chilled until my evening class, then after that drove to peter’s bc we were gonna hang. so rose remembered that i was coming over, but peter forgot; while peter remembered they invited paul over, but rose forgot. i know that they’re kinda close with paul and all but tbh i don’t really know him that well, and it feels awkward hanging with him. when i told rose that, she was like “but you guys have hung out together, remember that time you got blackout drunk and slept on his bed, i felt like that was a real bonding moment for yall” um no i actually didn’t remember that, probably because i was BLACKOUT DRUNK. anyways i told all of them about anna (since peter and paul didn’t hear the story), then we smoked a little and played comer. We all won a round except for peter lol. then we watched an episode of marie kondo’s show (i wanted them to see how she lowkey looks like a robot), and then i headed home. i got home at like midnight tho, and since we had a sub today in calc, i figured i could skip it. so today i woke up around 10, got on campus at 2 since i was gonna hang with heather (but her boss didn’t let her have a break since she only worked 5 hours so we’re gonna meet tomorrow instead), went to psychology (and we finished the chapter early so no class friday!!!), and since then i’ve been in the library writing this.

here’s my plan for surviving this semester: i’m gonna act like this is fuckin birdbox, but extreme version. he wants to get a reaction out of me, and he’s not gonna. from now on, any time that i’m outside of a building (and even most times that i’m indoors but not in class) I’m going to have headphones in, and look down at the ground (not like directly at my feet, but like looking forward but at the ground ahead of me) or at my phone. that way if he finds me, he still can’t get a reaction bc i’m visibly distracted in the only two senses that he can reach me through. i don’t think he would go as far as to try to touch me, so i should be safe.

i hate that i feel like i’m always on the defensive at my own damn college. i hate feeling like i can’t even walk around freely without being followed. but hopefully i just need to make it to fall, hopefully ucf doesn’t delay the opening of the downtown campus, hopefully i transfer in a few months and can *really* put this all behind me. then it’s all smooth sailing, just gonna go through my final two years at uni, then graduate, get a job in CPS for a few years, then go back to school for my master’s. from there become a licensed clinical social worker, so that i can maybe work for cps but in a hospital setting where i get paid more, buy a house, have a family. get out of orlando. (but i kinda like orlando...)

anyways it’s 6 o clock now, so in about 15 minutes i’m gonna leave the library, use the guidelines i wrote above, use the side entrance, and get to class.

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theastonishingkylejackson · 6 years

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When It Comes To Getting Over Your Pain, You Can’t Drink It Away, Snort It Away Or Screw It Away, You Have To Work It Out – Written By Kelly Lynn Meadows, Owner of Dollhouse Boutique and Salon, Contributing Columnist for The Astonishing Tales Digital Magazine

The Astonishing Kelly Meadows, in her clay mask… she really classes up a clay mask……

It’s early in the morning New Years Day and I woke up from good sleep filled with vivid dreams, and grateful that I am not hungover or having to worry about where I left my car.

I, instead, never even considered making plans but chose to spend the day and night, New Year’s Eve, at home with my slightly crazy and dysfunctional family.

My youngest child helped me find a recipe for drumsticks out of one of the new keto cookbooks and actually gladly liked being of assistance to me in the kitchen. He was thrilled that “his recipe” was so delicious.

Then I spent the rest of the evening studying my Personal trainer certification course, even finally getting in the group discussion question, passing the quiz (that took me three tries) and starting the next unit. I took a break once to watch some Family Guy with The wee one.

He never even made it to midnight and chose to go to bed, so I closed up the textbook to ring in the countdown in my bathtub, aka “office” with a face make on listening to Stevie Nicks and covered in bubbles, sweating. There were a few moments of angst as I thought it was my first year without the ex.

And I realized I would have no new year’s kiss, and I am single and sober. I’ve always been the wild, fun, party girl known for my antics and filling the space with my presence and noise.

The last nearly decade of my life, my shenanigans were only alcohol and weed fueled, but if I look back, back beyond my Ex, and before Rollerderby, I am reminded of the years of my life that are a blur because I was wasted. I hid it well. I still functioned. I went to school and had a job and a small child and still kept my life in order.

I partied alone way more than with others. During the darkest time of my life in the post Katrina New Orleans, I can really look back on those days and relate to what drives a person to use.

Alone, separated from my oldest child, I was binging on cocaine and whiskey and xananx. Watching people die regularly and still not caring. I’d shut my curtains and turn off my phone and sit in my little apartment and continue to party. Only I wasn’t having fun I was praying that maybe this time I wouldn’t wake up. I couldn’t deal with the guilt of being separated from my boy who back then was only 5 and I was completely alone in the world. I always telling myself that I wasn’t addicted to anything that I was just an abuser, that addicts lived in squalor and filth and couldn’t keep a job.

Only recently did I find out there’s a name for that and it’s a thing, called a functioning addict. Even after those years were over and I stopped doing hard drugs and left Nola to straighten my act up, it was the same bleeding hole in my soul I tried to stuff.

I used men for years like objects and toys and blew threw them faster than I drive. I’ve shopped and ate and drank wine and smoked weed because I justified it. I had become known for being the funny salty wino, in the last few years. Especially the 2.5 years I was retired from rollerderby and separated from my tribe.

My children have suffered with suicide attempts and depression and behavioral problems so severe the little one would spend six hours a day cycling through irrational, explosive tantrums. So to deal I ate and drank and smoked weed to dull it all.

I manged to lose a bunch of weigh and get fit and get back to rollerderby, but was still smoking so much that I couldn’t do anything without it. I couldn’t drive or leave home or do anything with friends because I had nothing to say. I was tired from talking at the salon all day and just wanted to get home, be left alone and get stoned so I could feel better. only I realized I wasn’t feeling better.

I had become the butt of everyone’s wine memes and that I couldn’t even get stoned anymore. This past summer there was a pretty heavy break up and although I thought I was good and moved on, it became apparent that I wasn’t after making some pretty horrible alcohol-fueled vaguebook posts.

If there’s anything in this world I don’t like it’s being embarrassed and having to apologize for my own behavior.

A good friend called me and so kindly and gently reminded me that I’m so much more that, and reminded me what my life be like if I was living up to my full potential.

This friend said he wouldn’t judge me and would still be my friend regardless but to consider what he was saying. He said, Kelly you’re already doing well in life, business owner, athlete, successful single mom – what else could you accomplish if you gave up the wine and the weed?

I guess everything in the universe is about timing and those words right then really hit home and resonated in my soul. So I started with the wine, that was so easy to eliminate. Then I was like, I will never give up my pot and it’s legal in Oregon where I live. It’s been my best friend for so long, always there for me getting me through my morning coffee and my hard nights and my everything.

I stewed on the possibility for a few weeks when one morning I wrote to that friend and asked, ‘Do you really think I could quit smoking weed after this long?” After a few encouraging words from him I put it away. telling myself it was just for today and it wasn’t permanent and I was only going to step out of the cloud to see what it was like. To be able to focus more and stop making such stupid little mistakes, to be able to push my lung capacity to be a better athlete for my team, to be a better mother and friend and best human I could.

It’s been six weeks now since I’ve had alcohol and four since I put down the weed. My word, it hasn’t been easy to give up my smelly green friend who has been with me daily since I was like 17. I couldn’t sleep for weeks and was used to just passing out stoned and waking up from a dreamless sleep. I’ve spent more time crying and trying to regulate my emotions than I’ve smiled.

I lifted off two veils and hadn’t realized I hadn’t even been feeling all of my own feelings before. It wasn’t even until recently that I figured out I’ve been a functioning addict my whole adult life.

Two nights ago tho I found myself sitting in on my first NA meeting, even tried to blow it off cause I was like I don’t belong here. I don’t need a damn meeting, but ok what the hell I’ll go once. I feel like I’m drowning in my own feelings lately, I didn’t even know I had so many ‘cuz I have always just been stoned. I would smoke and drink to take the edge off so I can deal with my emotions, only I wasn’t dealing, I was cramming everything to the bottom while I just kept getting more stoned or drunk to fill that hole.

The hole that’s been in my soul since the summer I turned 16. I lost my dad to a heart attack when he was 51-years-old, and my horse was killed tragically in the same three months span and I don’t think I ever was able to close that bleeding hole.

Maybe it’s only coming to me now because I’ve been sober long enough to let the smoke clear and show me where my blood was spilling. Turns out you can’t drink it, snort it or screw away the pain. Cuz believe me I’ve tried. I tried for years to fill the loss of my father with men. Lots of men. I used them, they used me. All in the name of fun or so I thought. I tried meth, and cocaine and ectasy, ketamine, heroin, vicodin, whiskey.

Although it’s been over 10 years and I’ve just been the funny wino stoner, the speaker at the NA meeting that night said something that I had to write down and take home with me.

He said,“Once you start cleaning up your mess you’re not going to want to turn back.”

I sat there that meeting and with tears streaming down my face, I was relating to so many of their stories of hope, strength and despair.

We keep what we have by giving, there is always someone to stand for me when I can’t stand for myself.

It’s true.

I don’t know if I’m going to go back to NA or how often, but I do know that now that I’ve started cleaning up my own mess and that feels astonishing.

I’m The Astonishing Kelly Lynn Meadows, owner of The DollHouse Boutique and Salon and Contributor for The Astonishing Tales Digital Magazine and I Am Astonishing, and I Approve This Message.

To view more of Kelly Lynn Meadows work, check her out on Instagram by clicking HERE.

You can check her out on Facebook by clicking HERE and find links to her social media accounts for her hair boutique, The Dollhouse Salon.

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The Road To Recovery Is Never Easy, But It’s Worth It: Kelly’s Story Of Recovering From Addiction When It Comes To Getting Over Your Pain, You Can't Drink It Away, Snort It Away Or Screw It Away, You Have To Work It Out - …

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beccawastaken · 7 years

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My life summarized Pt.2

Pt.1 ended at about age 11, or so I thought, I now realize I was not finished. I also want to apologize in advance for any repetition I do not catch, I have some major memory issues and will do my best to keep the redundancy to a minimum.

Not long after my parents divorce was finalized and my grandfather died. After reading back on the first part I realized I neglected to mention (a lot of things lol) what growing up just me and mum was like. When her and dad separated she started Nursing school, she worked so hard at this and she graduated! For as long as I remember my mother seemed as if she was two different people, on one hand she could walk into a room and light it up. Make people smile and laugh and it was as if nothing ever bothered her, she seemed on top of the world. The flip side was extremely opposite, you could feel the tension when you were around her, I walked on eggshells and made sure to behave. Since it was just her and I growing up I learned to adapt to these moods and used myself as a tool to bring her out of them, I was like her personal court jester. I would do anything to try to make her laugh, hoping she would just get out of bed, or even crack a smile.

Early on I learned to set my feelings aside to ensure she was alright. It broke her heart when I was sad or upset so I started keeping those feelings to myself. She was able to read my facial expressions, so I taught myself to control those as well. Anything to keep her in a good mood. This was exhausting and unfair. I had no idea that this was an abnormal home life, why would I think that, I had nothing to compare it to. She loved me dearly and did everything for me, we always had food on the table and the basic needs were taken care of.

Mum had a hard time sleeping at night as I do now, she would take it to extremes tho, she would rearrange furniture while blasting classical music. She was a heavy smoker and always had a cup of coffee nearby. She didn't have many friends and dated sometimes but I was never really exposed to that side of her. She used to take me out for midnight cruises and she was always snapping pictures of the sunset as she drove, she would just hold the camera out in front of me or towards whatever window and always got the most beautiful shots.

She was such a beautiful soul, in my eyes she was incapable of hurting a fly, I never saw her lash out violently or anything like that. When the family was at odds she got kind of loud but so did the rest of them. She was definitely the black sheep of the family.

She had her first child when she was 17 and long story short my sister was raised by my grandmother as my aunt. Yes, you read that correctly. My mother told me the truth when I was 8 cause she was afraid some spiteful family member would tell me in order to hurt her. Now that I am writing all this out and have made two long entries and have not gotten past age 11 I am starting to realize why I was/am such a mess as an adult.

I just had a memory (part of the memory issues I mentioned, I have either blocked out or forgotten parts of my life due to trauma, or self inflicted brain damage from drug use however, sometimes something will trigger a memory, like right now) by the time I was not seeing my grandparents for those years cause of mums drama regarding grandpa (see Pt 1) I had been molested by a teenage boy that was my babysitters son, another female babysitter that lived on my grandmas street and some cousins. I never told anyone about this, as I didn’t see it as important. Also, my first consensual sexual experience was with a girl my age when we were 8 or 9.

I was a ball of childhood anxiety to the point I would grind my teeth at night and needed a special retainer. I had been in some form of therapy for as long as I could remember, Al-anon is what I remember first, then I remember a Dr Switzer I think his name was. I remember he smelled odd, had bad hair and I believe his shirt was pink, I liked the shirt. He showed me ink blot pics I think, not quite sure, anyway, what I am saying is that clearly mum knew something was up with me and tried to get me help for it...if only she had shifted perspective and realized she was allowing me to do the work she refused to do for herself. Had she faced her own issues, I would have been a totally different person, and she still might have found some happiness.

When I was 11 puberty hit and I got my period and instabreasts, the boys started to take notice and the girls started to dislike me. I was often bullied in school, I never fought back, instead I would do things like steal their stuff from the locker room during gym class etc. I had a really bad attitude, lots of anger and zero respect for authority. I still struggle with respecting authority.

So when I was in grade 7, so I guess I was 12, I met the best friend I had ever had. She was new to my school, although I spoz I was too as it was my first year however she started mid-year. She had this thick, long, curly hair and the boys in my class were spitting spitballs into it, not sure what I did but I made them stop and told her what was happening. That was it, we were instantly bonded.

This friend of mine and I were inseparable and got into a lot of trouble together. We had differently fucked up home lives and never anyone to defend us against the bullies or life in general so we did it for each other. It was so nice having someone to lean on, someone to love me back. By time we met we were both so angry with our parents that we had lost major respect for them. Mine, a mentally ill nurse and hers a biker bitch with problems of her own, we needed an outlet for these emotions, even though we hadn't realized what was wrong at the time. We needed each other, loved each other and got into a lot of trouble together. And found out as if by magic she would be moving into my housing complex. Two doors down to be exact! We couldn't have been happier.

The school we met at eventually kicked us out for calling in a bomb threat, I say this so casually now, I can’t imagine a kid today calling something like this in, but keep in mind in 1989-1990 terrorism and bombings weren't nearly as common, or weren't widely publicized anyhow. I am not trying to justify our behaviour in any way, and as I type it I am mildly appalled at my behaviour. We ransacked a school where my fathers was speaking at an AA meeting. That made the papers but it was never revealed as to who the culprits were. We stole countless dollars from my dads safe, which wasn't locked up at all just a secret place he had it hidden.

Before I was 13 I had been charged with assault and uttering threats as this same friend, I was there so I was also charged. I ended up on probation with a curfew as a result. They (our parents) tried to keep us apart, but it didn’t work. We needed each other in a way they could not understand. I feared no authority, especially my often at this point delusional or drunk mother. So I just did what I wanted, and I wanted to see her, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. We had crushes on two best friends, we had plans for the future away from our parents and all the others that opposed us. Her mum tho, was something I had never encountered.

I loved her mum, she was my aunty and raised me for quite some time, I had never seen her get violent and my friend (who we shall call Lanie) never spoke of how she was treated at home, I never asked, all I knew is she had a lot of anger and I was glad to be on her good side. She also had a lot of chores, something I had few of so I would help her with hers so it would get done faster and we could get out of the house. I was not experienced with dish washing but that was the job she asked me to do so I did. I guess I did a really bad job cause when her mum got home she screamed, and took a (i still remember the exact cup) glass tumbler with a handle and pointed at some stuff stuck in the bottom that I hadn't gotten and hit Lanie over the head with it...numerous times. I was in such shock I couldn’t move, I definitely couldn't muster the courage to admit it was me. Scared shitless we went to her room and she asked me why I hadn't said anything, and i admitted I didn't know how and that I was sorry.

Needless to say we were separated for good, and she was too scared to cross her mum to chill with me so I left her be...she had a birthday party and all our friends went, I wasn't allowed, we lived two doors apart, this became really hard for me. I guess that is when I turned my attention to the opposite sex, full force.

Every time I reread to edit I think of things I feel I should add...I honestly had no idea I had been through so much. Life was just that exactly, Life. If I ever write an actual book I will have to work harder on the hows and whens to better organize these events.

I haven’t even gotten to the teen years yet...I will start that in Pt 3.

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