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7thleveldown · 2 years

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If you would've blinked then I would've Looked away at the first glance If you tasted poison, you could've Spit me out at the first chance If I was some paint, did it splatter On a promising grown man? And if I was a child, did it matter If you got to wash your hands?

Ooh, oh All I used to do was pray Would've, could've, should've If you'd never looked my way

I would've stayed on my knees And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil At nineteen And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts Memories feel like weapons And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering

If you never touched me, I would've Gone along with the righteous If I never blushed, then they could've Never whispered about this And if you never saved me from boredom I could've gone on as I was But, Lord, you made me feel important And then you tried to erase us

Ooh, oh You're a crisis of my faith Would've, could've, should've If I'd only played it safe

If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first

And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil At nineteen And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts Memories feel like weapons And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind I regret you all the time I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign I regret you all the time Oh, God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind I regret you all the time I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign I regret you all the time

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rinkaitoons · 1 month

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Meet the boy who survived🌞🤲

#artists on tumblr #fanart #harry potter #harry potter fanart #I took the images from the books and films as a basis #but also added my vision of the caracter too #I like how Harry combines seriousness and silly naive things he does #It makes him more human and i want to trust him

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beastofwant · 5 months

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ohhh so this saga just will not end, okay!!!

last month I started an emergency fundraiser because the situation with my neighbor, who has been showing stalker-like behavior, escalated to the point where I no longer felt safe staying in my apartment. here's that original post

I'd remade my tiktok a few weeks ago after several years of inactivity to use for venting & vlogging. it had like no followers + just two videos uploaded. I got this text immediately after I saw him at the top of the stairs to the ground floor as I was coming back in from checking the mail. I had the "find by contacts" shit all turned off so idk HOW he found my tiny nothing tiktok (it's privated now) but he decided to send me this message about it. some of the things he mentioned in the text (like listening at my door???? I said listening to hear my door open/close but not listening at it) aren't even things I talked about which is also raising some alarm bells.

I haven't responded to his texts in months but he continues to send them and now it's shit like this. I am truly beyond words. it's incredible how the second he is confronted with how weird his behavior is I am "evil". I didn't film him, I didn't post any identifying information other than "my creepy upstairs neighbor" and now he is mad that the shoe fits when he's the one that tried it on.

My lease is up at the end of the month regardless, and I'm hunting for apartments actively. I need to get out of here, and I'm doing everything in my power to do that, but I need help with application fees, transportation and moving costs, and a deposit. I'm seeing a place on the 11th (tomorrow, as of when I write this) that seems promising and really hope it ends up being the one. I'm sorry I've had to post about this so much, but mutual aid has legitimately been the only way I have ever been able to pull myself out of a hole like this. even just a few dollars does help.

v3nm0 is alumirust c4sh4pp is $doppelgougar p@yp44l is [email protected] buy some of my art GFM fundraiser link

#could it be that I- a chaser harassing this random trans person- am in the wrong?#No. It's clearly the random trans person I have arbitrarily decided is everything I need in life despite being young enough to be my child #who is at fault here!#fucking. hell.#he knows I have ptsd from domestic violence btw I talked about it to him once before he was overtly creepy and i thought i could trust him #he literally started being worse AFTER that and i was like oh. oh that was a mistake and im naive.#idk its a nightmare i really want to be over with soon

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doodlebloo · 14 days

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*weakly, voice hoarse and barely audible* c!clingyduo were so young. so bright eyed. they were sixteen and they played in the creek and ran barefoot over the hills and nothing could hurt them as long as they had each other and c!Wilbur and L'Manberg. and in their minds they were going to win the war. it took them both multiple deaths to start letting go of that idea. years after the war they catch themselves still believing it

#inspired by rät came on shuffle and i was violently thrown back into 2020.#ctommy rät animation changed lives. mine especially #he bit the apple cause he TRUSTED you. And why would you lie? Then he realized youre just as naive as he is.#He loved you he loved you he loved you its true. He wanted to be you and do what you do.#He lived here! He loved here! He bought it! Its true!!! He feels so stupid!!! and so used!!!!!!!!!!!!!#im like 80% sure ive said this exact thing on here before but what is this blog atp if not me reliving old cclingy memories like a war vet #doodle.txt

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pickastitch · 5 months

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the icarus who chose her own sun

the icarus who wrapped themself in the void

the icarus who killed the false sun

the icarus who the stars gave up their life for

the icarus who crash landed onto the earth's surface

the icarus who finally saw her sun; only to see a moon

#anyways was listening to icarus by bastille with extreme shiny duo brainrot #geminitay #secret life #pearlescentmoon #grian #goodtimeswithscar #also i say false sun as in that is what (this version of) gem would believe #and and the fact that she was naive enough to think her and pearl would stay allies and and they lived ontop a moutain and an-#also also the fact that grian (THE SUN) took a large majority of her hearts #guys trust me on this one i swear it makes sense

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cuntyfieddemon · 3 days

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my experience watching the first half of s2ep3

lestat, about the audience in the theatre: "look at them, so still. they totally believe what we're selling them"

later...

*armand and lestat proceed to fuck on the balcony*

me: wait so they fuck in the tv show but not in the books???

also me: sitting very still eyes not blinking, believing everything armand says bc im so gullible and in awe of him

me, realizing: omg im the audience

#i was so naively believing everything until armand said lestat left nicki after getting the Mind Gift #took me like 20 minutes to remember armand was a cunty little liar and i shouldnt trust his words whoopsie #interview with the vampire #iwtv spoilers #armand #lestat de lioncourt

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yourqueenb · 8 months

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I do not think it’s a good idea to keep Nia’s situation from the rest of the group. But the bitchy side of me is glad she doesn’t wanna tell anyone because I know the moment we do, it’ll become all about her again and MC’s issues will get pushed even further into the background 😑🤷🏽‍♀️

#choices bolas #choices blades #blades of light and shadow #choices stories you play #playchoices #‘she’s the baby of the group’ ‘you’re our heart’ ‘poor innocent Nia needs to be protected and saved again’#and the thing is that I do like Nia as a character #but 1) I hate when MCs aren’t treated like MCs #and their only purpose is to observe and facilitate the other characters’ stories and growth #and I feel like that’s ultimately what ended up happening in book 1 of this series and will most likely happen in this one as well #like yes obviously MC experienced growth as well but it’s always in the ‘going from a newbie to a competent individual’ sense #and that’s beyond old #plus it doesn’t work when they pick and choose when they want to acknowledge our competence in book 2 #and 2) I also can’t stand this flawless/perfect character archetype they do #or rather the ‘only flawed in ways that make them look even more perfect’ characters #it’s so overdone and unrealistic imo #like Nia is so selfless she doesn’t consider her own needs?#she’s generally timid and lacks confidence?#she can be naive and a bit too trusting?#please those aren’t even really flaws #they just serve to make the character even more the paragon of virtue which again is just unrealistic #especially because the last two often end up being flipped and portrayed as the person always seeing the good in others #but idk maybe I’m missing the point or something #I know this is a common character archetype but it’s one of my least favorites #which sucks because as I said I do actually like Nia even though I might be coming across as a hater #i like some of the writing for how she fits into the group and I also like how her faith is unwavering #plus she is competent and has skills in her own right #but for whatever reason the writers thought giving her real flaws or at least acknowledging the shallow ones they did give her #beyond face value wasn’t a good idea?#idk maybe I’m wrong though and things will play out different than I expect

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feroluce · 9 days

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Belobog was my fave main quest but a lot of it is so. Contradictory. It's like they had multiple groups doing different shit and none of them checked in with each other for consistency. And you see this so much in Gepard's profile.

So in the main quest, they made him unfailingly, unquestionably loyal to Cocolia. Gepard's character arc is him learning to question authority etc etc. And this isn't even a bad thing; that's a story worth telling! It makes good conflict between him and Serval! And I love that we got Gepard as a boss battle and I get to see him all the time in SU!

But then you look at his character stories and it's like. The complete opposite.

According to his profile, Gepard has already HAD this awakening, long before the Astral Express, and he'd already decided Cocolia sucks. Even outside of his stories, there's a pretty damning readable between him and Pela.

He even disobeyed direct orders right in front of her- he has been disobeying orders for a while now!

So I've decided I'm marrying the two different sides of this into a 1.5k fic-ish thingy, because I think there's some fun potential there with Gepard not trusting Cocolia, but still having to pretend to be a good obedient little soldier.

Anyway. I love to think of it as like. Gepard knows Cocolia has sunk into her apathy. He can see it in her eyes every time he looks at her. She doesn't care. Not about him, not about Pela, not about all his soldiers on the frontlines giving their lives to protect the citizens. And that's... It makes him bristle a bit, but ok. Gepard can deal with this. Even if Cocolia no longer cares, as long as she does her job then it's fine. Having compassion behind an action doesn't matter as much as the action itself. If Cocolia's heart is no longer swayed, then he'll just have to care twice as hard to pick up the slack. He considers it part of his duty as a captain of the guard anyway. It's fine. Gepard can deal with it.

And then, Cocolia starts coming down to the restricted zone. Issuing direct orders.

And Gepard realizes he is in way over his head.

Because Cocolia orders him to stay back and issue commands from the ramparts, away from all his comrades, away from where he can protect them.

Gepard had thought nothing could be as bad as watching a fellow guard die right next to him. But the first time he watches someone struck by a killing blow, so far away, it hurts. Every defensive scar across his arms itches, his fingers curl in want of a weapon, the cold cannot numb his hands enough as they desperately ache for his shield. It hurts.

Gepard tries to find any reason to stay. Because surely... He knows Cocolia has lost her love for her people, but surely... She wouldn't...

One day, Cocolia orders for their gunners to advance 20 yards. There are no survivors. She almost looks like she smiles.

Gepard doesn't sleep that night.

Pela brings him the report at the end of the first month; and then the month after that, and the month after that. A significant uptick in losses, and all of it started on that first day Cocolia started overriding his authority and issuing her own orders. The ends of Gepard's pens have all been nearly chewed off. Pela outright calls Cocolia an idiot, and Gepard corrects her. Cocolia isn't an idiot. Gepard had known her through Serval, knew her through all her college years and then some, and he knows how intelligent she is. It's not that she's stupid, and it's not that she's inexperienced, it's nothing of the sort.

Cocolia knows exactly what she's doing.

She must, there's no way she could make such a horrible mess of things so badly by accident. And Pela, quick as a whip, sharp as a tack, always too smart for her own good, catches onto the meaning behind Gepard's correction without any further prompting. The tent goes deathly quiet, nothing but the wind howling outside.

"...She's trying to kill us," Pela whispers, her voice swiftly suffocated by the silence.

Gepard swallows. He can't bring himself to correct her this time. There is nothing he could say that he would actually mean.

His gaze drops, back down to his desk and the reports on it. The names aren't listed, just the numbers, but Gepard knows them, knew them, and there must be something wrong, something he's missing, because why, why would she-? What could this possibly accomplish-?

“Gepard! Focus!” Something snaps right under his nose, and Gepard startles, eyes instantly honing in on Pela's irritated face as she leans over his desk. She holds his gaze for a moment before she huffs and begins to pace, wedges a knuckle between her teeth and bites like Gepard hasn't seen her do since cadet school.

Pela angrily strides from one end of his tent to the other, words hissed between her grit teeth. “What are we going to do?” In the dim lighting, Gepard can just barely see the damp spot of blood weeping under her gloves. “We need a plan.”

“A plan?”

“Wh- Yes, a plan! Unless you want more people to die!” Pela rounds on him then, all the wrath of a blizzard, winds roaring and snow sharp enough to cut.

“We don't even know-”

“What does it matter?! She killed-!!” Pela cuts off with a garbled noise when Gepard leaps up from his desk, hastily shoves his hand over her mouth. The prosthetic, not the flesh one, because he knows better than to assume Pela won't seize the opportunity to leave teeth marks in his skin.

“You're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry; you're right. But you need to keep quiet.” Pela quirks an eyebrow at him and Gepard can read the question in her face. “Because we both saw what she did to Serval,” he hisses.

It's amazing the snow plains haven't thawed out yet, the amount of heat Pela can put behind a glare. The mere mention of Serval, and the smoking ruins Cocolia had made of her life and career, have her bristling up like a riled cat. The sudden hot breath she takes fans fog across his metal skin, and Gepard wisely keeps it in place until Pela finally sighs and reaches up, taps her fingertips against the back of his hand.

The second she's free, Pela bats him away and then her knuckle is right back between her teeth again, Gepard leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed to watch her resume her pacing. “If we spread the word, she'll have us discharged and make sure we can't even touch the frontlines,” Pela's voice seethes like an open sore. Gepard nods but keeps his silence. He knows better than to get in her way.

“And if you and I are both out of the picture, Belobog is fucked.” A little harsher than how he would have put it, but there's no denying that they're both important to the city's survival. Pela has the restricted zone running as efficiently as ever, and Gepard had become the youngest captain on record for a reason. “We need to keep this tight under wraps, at least for now… It can't leak to anyone higher up the chain.” Another nod. “Serval might know other discontents…” Another n-

Gepard's head snaps up. “No.”

“No what?”

“No. We're not involving Serval in this.”

Somehow, even the same tone that leaves entire squadrons shaking in their boots has never worked on her. “You're not deciding that for her, Gepard.”

Pela hadn't seen the worst of it, though, back when his sister had just been banned from the Architects. Serval's pride hadn't allowed it. Pela wasn't the one to find her passed out bottle still in hand, hadn't been the one to wash the sick out of her hair or carry her to bed.

Serval still has trouble thinking clearly when it comes to Cocolia, still can't quite bring herself to be objective. And Gepard maybe doesn't want her to be purely objective- but he would worry a lot less if she thought twice before she acted more often.

“At least let me be the one to bring it up to her.”

“Whatever, fine,” Pela gestures affirmatively at him as she paces past, and Gepard sighs. Good, at least that's one thing he can help.

From there, it's a lot of hemming and hawing and frustration. Cocolia has them under her boot, and Gepard and Pela both know it. Even with the way she's been cracking down on freedoms lately, Cocolia is still, overall, liked by the people. It's unlikely anyone would believe them. They don't even have solid proof, because most people don't know Cocolia as well as they do and won't see the clues in the same light.

The Fragmentum has been ramping up in recent years, too. Everyone is struggling just to survive as is, they can't afford a fight on two fronts. Gepard is a damn good captain, one of the best for that matter. But they're at a massive disadvantage, his experience is narrowed to fighting a defensive battle against monsters, that's all he's ever done. That's all anyone there has ever done. He has no way of finding first-hand knowledge for taking the offensive against a human opponent, and if he goes at this blind, there's no way he'll get everyone out unscathed. He's going to lose people. He's going to lose a lot of people.

He'd never thought before that Cocolia would have it in her to have someone killed. And with this new knowledge, he has no guarantee she won't go after Serval or Lynx if she decides to retaliate.

Gepard has to remind himself to breathe when he realizes this.

Pela writes down every name the two of them can come up with. Lists and lists of names and groups and anyone they can think of who might be an ally in all of this. They memorize every bit of it, make their plans of who to talk to and when. Gepard watches the sparks reflect off Pela's glasses as they burn the evidence together.

Pela finally leaves, far too late to make it home, but says she wants to stay in the restricted zone anyway to investigate. Gepard watches her make her way in the direction of Dunn's tent, watches her back until she's out of his sight and squashes down the urge to follow and keep an eye on her. His tent feels empty.

In the morning, Gepard is up before the wake up bells. He drags himself out of bed, leads his soldiers through their morning training. The same people gravitate to each other everyday. Friend groups and training partners. There's an ongoing rivalry between a few squadrons that everyone bets on. Some of them have lockets around their necks, keepsakes, mementos. Some of them wear wedding rings.

Gepard is suddenly, painfully aware of something acidic clawing at the inside of his throat, of a heavy weight low in his chest that blooms, takes up room until it threatens to spread his ribs. His mouth tastes of bile and blood.

He rearranges the schedules. Puts himself down for every open patrol into the Fragmentum, makes sure he'll be on the frontlines every single time Cocolia visits.

He only hopes that it's enough.

#honkai star rail #gepard landau #hsr gepard #pelageya sergeyevna #hsr pela #hsr #smacking Gepard out of Hoyo's hands and running off with him skzjmdkd #tentatively Figuring Out how to write these two... It feels a little tricky starting out with extreme circumstances like this haha #I feel like a lot of people see Gepard as naive for trusting Cocolia so much but I don't think that's quite it. He's not stupid.#He's not even naive.#He's someone who has been groomed since birth by his own parents to be an obedient Guard and nothing outside of that role.#You are not immune to propaganda etc etc #But even then there are a lot of things like all the included screenshots where he. Doesn't actually seem to like/trust Cocolia much.#I think Serval was a really good influence on him as a kid. He might have turned out much much worse without her.#and even with how I've written him here. I don't think he's normally slow to act or one to stand aside and make other people lead.#it's just that this specifically was a pretty extreme circumstance for him.#and also he openly states elsewhere that Pela is overbearing and he tries not to interfere with her work whenever possible nskzhdjdjd #Pela too. I don't know that I normally see her as someone with a bad temper or quick to anger.#But again; extreme circumstances haha #Bc like. they both would have seen what happened to Serval when she stood up to Cocolia. they know damn well what's going to happen to them.#if they fuck this up and get caught then they're done.#and I mean. What are they supposed to do? they're two people against the highest authority of the entire nation.#regardless I do love Gepard agonizing over this in the future after Bronya takes over and everything has settled down #did he do the right thing? did he make the right choice? if he went vigilante how many soldiers would have died without his protection?#would Belobog have fallen completely? how many people died because he DIDN'T run away? was it actually enough?#I love characters forced between a rock and a hard place. no good options. pick your poison.#no winning- only weighing what you can and cannot bear to lose.#make your choice and decide whether you want to rot or to burn.

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dapperrokyuu · 1 month

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Needing a Sua perspective from the ALNST auditions to Round 1. I never put much thought into what happens to the cast post-Anakt Garden graduation (do they immediately go to the auditions? Is there a period of time where they dont see each other until they recognize each other at the audition? Theres a considerable amount of time between the auditions and their Alien Stage season, did they see each other often between then or...? etc.), but regardless, imagine being her and having to choose between sabotaging your own audition so you dont have to go the the Sing, Win, or Die Show or putting your in your all in hopes of winning and spending just a bit more time with this girl you love because you know itll likely be the last time you see her. Imagine...

#dee p thoughts #alien stage #alnst #vivinos #like. not as if life wouldve been sunshine and rainbows if sua failed the audition and never went on alien stage hashtag Im a Pet to Aliens #but like. sua was definitely more in the know. Im not the type to believe mizi was completely naive but I think mizi may have bought into #the idea that dying Wasnt That Bad due to what she was taught and her trust in her owners...until round 1- maybe mizi was confident she'd #truly win and/or her owners praised and made her feel so. sua: ''My dream is Mizi's dream. (paraphrased)'' etc etc #maybe it was the dream of mizi's owners that mizi wanted to fulfill or mizi just wanted to impress her owners in return for their care...#but sua knew. she knew it would either be she never sees mizi again whether she dies or achieve such fame that sua could never reach her...#or sua can spend a little time with her. whatever they have left. whether it was her or mizi the likelihood of them ever seeing each other #again... because mizi is intent on this. she is going to join alien stage. she is going to pass the auditions because she is so dazzling.#...I need to be with her.#I think considering the ivan and sua comic anakt garden may be a pipeline to alien stage? its functionally a music school iirc so I think i #at least gives them a leg up and humans are put into anakt garden with at least some intention of having them try out for alien stage-#but nonetheless I imagine there was a liminal space where none of the cast really knew where their lives were going post-anakt garden.#not that they have much choice in the matter but still dalkjdalkbn- that liminal space mustve been a dark time for majority of them #because well. their owners. and they couldnt meet each other and may never meet again...#regarding the time between the auditions and their alien stage season I imagine its funnily a lot of. training. pr vocals visuals...#they have autographs despite them all potentially dying quickly they had them draft and practice and perfect autographs guys adjlkbnadlfkjf #the look mizi and sua shared in sweet dream when they both passed the auditions together...AUGH.....

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jayktoralldaylong · 1 month

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TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF RAPE

CAPTIVE PRINCE SPOILERS

You know what? This is.... Paces the room and slaps the wall with an open palm. No, this is definitely..... Punches a hole through the wall.

At this point, at this point, if I was Laurent, I would just let my uncle kill to be fucking honest. This is the height of things that have happened and I am losing my mind. It's not like I'm surprised, it's just the overwhelming audacity and endless betrayal.

I'm the one with unnatural feelings? ME?? YOU'RE the one who f*cking RAPED ME at the vulnerable age of THIRTEEN!!! I would lose my shit.

Not only has the Regent let this stupid believable rumour foster because everyone is well aware of how much Laurent worshipped his brother Auguste, but now he raises it as a countermeasure against Laurent ever revealing the truth. Like who the fuck are the people going to believe? Their bitchy prince or their seemingly benevolent leader with a heart of gold (he goes around fucking children!!! He's been bedding Nico since he was TEN!!! SCREAMS IN UNDILUTED RAGE!!)

I can't! I can't stand him. How?! Omg. Hoooow can people lie like they speak the truth? How can they do it without a shred of remorse? He took advantage of a young child at the time he needed him the most and he's flaunting that vulnerability, he's using it to his advantage because no one knows he likes children, because those who do know would never fathom that such a good man would do such a thing to his fucking nephew! He turned his nephew into a viper, he is the reason Laurent has no friends, no allies, betrayal and betrayal and yet another betrayal. And when the truth about Damen comes out everything is going to fall apart and I can't stand it. I can't stand any of this! I'm losing my mind. How? How has Laurent possibly put up with this for nearly ten years? I would have just given up and let the Regent take me, this is madness!!

#Please ignore how incoherent this whole thing is #reading this book has been an.... experience #It is so good #omg #not the dynamic I expected but i #genuinely adore every single narrative choice that went into the creation of this book #I'm just losing my mind because I've got to one to talk to and the happy moments are coming to an end and the slow is finally burning #but nah #some people are just shamelessly despicable.#I hope the Regent's balls rott off from the same diseased poison he keeps in his heart #Laurent would have been so small and slightly naive and so very trusting at that age. His brother being the only thing standing between him #and the Regent #and Damen took him away #the revelation will shake him #I feel like I'm going to cry #captive prince #damen of akielos #damianos of akielos #laurent of vere #the regent #The fucking asshole

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