#i’m an inconvenience. i know.

[iceicewifey]

¨

#i am quite literally at my wits end #i have never felt this felt this fucking terrible and i cannot get it to go away #i don’t know what to do about it but i literally cannot take this anymore #i have felt like shit for months straight and it just keeps progressively getting worse #i can’t see a way out of this #i’ve felt so disconnected for so long #i wish i could just disappear. fall off the face of the earth never to be seen again #i’d be out of everybody’s hair then and nobody would have to worry about my big dumb ass bothring them #because i know that’s all i ever do #and i’m sorry #i’m sorry for being a shitty mutual #i’m sorry for taking so long to work on commissions too. it’s really annoying and i don’t have an excuse #all i ever do is cry anymore. and complain. #trust me i hate me too and i can’t blame you at all if you don’t like me #i’m an inconvenience. i know. #it’s so hard to stay alive #joining the 27 club was a joke but man i don’t think i can do this #i’m not gonna do anything ​i have people around me. i just needed to let this out.

[autistic-echo]

the thing i have the biggest beef with in the witcher netflix is the fact that the writers seem to. like. not like jaskier. like they make geralt be a dick to him “i’m not your friend” and then have geralt turn around and be friendly and affectionate with loads of other characters. moussack “old friend”, that flashback with eskel, “you’re important to me, triss” why can’t we get this same energy with jaskier. begging for a proper apology in season 3 that jaskier doesn’t have to basically fish out of geralt my dude deserves better

#i get that geralt is not good at communicating and was busy because of plot shit in s2 #but jaskier and geralt have know each other for over 20 years #jaskier has spent most of his adult life with geralt #(iirc jaskier was 18-20 ish when they met) #so for fucks sake pls show that geralt values jaskier and jaskiers friendship #please for the love of fuck #pls have geralt properly admit he was wrong and a dick #and stop having like almost every single character act like he’s annoying inconvenience #why do i always end up loving the comic relief character who is actually profoundly sad that the writers don’t seem to actually like #the witcher #jaskier #the witcher jaskier #geraskier #only sort of because i’m more pissed off at their whole dynamic from a platonic perspective #queer platonic geraskier #the way i feel about them cannot be explained by simple words like platonic or romantic #the witcher netflix

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me: okay time to go to bed now

my brain: do you mean time to write 1,500 words of milex smut

#why does inspiration always hit JUST before i’m about to go to sleep?? #i mean #i have my theories on why i always write best either side of sleep #but also ffs brain i have to get up in the morning and be a functioning adult for work you know #can’t you please have your bursts of inspiration at a slightly more convenient time?? 😭 #(although actually. inconvenient bursts of inspiration are still inspiration so i’ll take it) #having so much fun finally writing the burn bits of the slow burn lol #anyway #time to actually sleep now 😭 #lulu posts

[akkivee]

i have always wondered how kuukou would walk in those sandals so i appreciate getting to see how lmao

#this is vee speaking #and in any other moment where he isn’t moving in the video those sandals are either off his feet or flying off his feet #so they’re probably as inconvenient to wear as they look lmao #all i’m getting from this is that kuukou wouldn’t struggle wearing heels of any sort LOL #like i can’t remember what he wearing them for but asanuma-san wore heels once for a performance #and went on social media to basically thank women for their service because he thought they were difficult and uncomfortable ASF lol #kuukou clearly finds them an impediment in some way lol but never say he ain’t know how to move in them lmao

[ballisters-lawyer]

Do I write a short few chapter homoerotic sparring fic to motivate myself or do I just jump straight into “a little death” and make you guys wait a bunch until we finally get to the homoerotic sparring?

#probs gonna do the first one but then again I would be killing both birds with a singular stone if I just wrote the second option #which includes them as petty rivals for like 2 days as kids #Bal being scared of a storm and only knowing Ambrosius based on their basic and awkward interactions and running to his room for help #and then eventually in like who knows how many chapters when they are older #they do the gay fighting shit or whatever #but then again… I do need the motivation to do smth bigger #so maybe we start small? #I’m having a whole conversation with myself in the tags of this post #nimona #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister boldheart #ballister #goldenheart #ballister x ambrosius #nimona movie #todd sureblade #(he is an important tag for the ‘a little death’ fic) #(I do apolagise for that inconvenience) #maybe I should stop talking to myself and actually post this

[menalez]

https://www.tumblr.com/tenko-irl/744336546702983168/menabi-has-a-problem-with-a-gs-lesbian-saying?source=share

lmfao lesbians using sex toys doesn’t make them bi and it’s funny they’re insulting me for saying that and acting like it has anything to do with me. i don’t use straps, i hate straps, never sucked a strap, never talked in such a way about a strap (literally said so on the post itself..).. i just don’t think lesbians using sex toys makes them bi even if they use it in a way i find weird or not understandable.

these women fr just want every excuse to bully other lesbians bc nothing i said is how they frame it.

anyways here’s what i said:

anyways don’t send me that woman’s posts she’s weirdly obsessed with me & arguing i’m lying about my abuse and inventing weird false details about my life as if we even know each other. she even falsely claimed there’s polilezzes in the dykery which is funny considering we all openly mock & criticise political lesbianism in the server. i don’t care what she has to say bc she’s a loser that enjoys bullying lesbian rape victims & calling us liars when we talk about our experiences with abuse & coercion.

#ironically what i said in the post they’re vagueposting over me for is #that the women i know who love strap the most are all not only lesbians but also goldstars ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #they left that out and the part where i said i’m a strap-hater bc it’s inconvenient for their narrative #they’re obsessed with the narrative that i secretly am sooo into men but i’m just pretending otherwise. as women from the middle east of #muslim backgrounds apparently do 🙄

[shuckstruck]

IM BACK TO PLAYING DISHONORED!! My friend told me there were multiple endings and I was rly hampering my enjoyment of the game by trying to play in ways that didn’t suit me. Also I was super conservative about using magic but I started playing high one day and realized that doing so is silly and rarely are you ever going to run out of magic entirely.

I’m playing the game now how it’s meant to be played, i think, and it’s way more fun. I’m having a great time sneaking around and exploring and consuming lore now :)

#rumbles #dishonored #i’m not a murder hobo killing machine #my friend made it sound like one or two deaths a level made it so i were fucked on the true ending #but i’m pretty sure it’s linked to chaos. not murder #and even so!! #if i had played the game on launch i wouldnt know about multiple endings at all #i hate when ppl disclose information like that #it personally ruins my fun playing the game and learning myself #ANYWAYS #IM NOT A MURDER HOBO BUT IM NOT ABOVE ASSASSINATING A GUARD WHOS STANDING IN AN INCONVENIENT SPOT!!

[shrekshugebadussy]

finally got to the celebration night after saving emerald grove, but i’ve been figuring out what all i can do and how to make astarions approval go up and i’ve been failing quite a bit at the start bcuz i kept wanting to play hero 😭 but then it became a standstill and recently i’ve gotten it to go up some, and i went back to before the celebration so technically speaking that hadn’t happened yet, but when i started before i reloaded, astarion turned me down 🥲

but what i’m getting at is that several hours of play before now gale one night wanted me to try magic with him. i didn’t know this would turn romantic like and even tho i let it go on for a bit bcuz ya know, magic! but then i called it a night when he asked me how i felt. since then his approval of me shot straight up and he has the most approval of anyone else in my party. now i’m afraid that bcuz i let it go on too long that i’ve lost my chance with astarion 🥲 i’ve spent almost 24hrs of play so far i don’t wanna have to redo a bunch of fights and shit 😭😩🥲

#i know i’m still so early in the game but i don’t wanna have to do over #i literally cannot stand gale #yeah he’s very good in combat being able to cast magic at a distance but he just won’t SHUT UP #ITS ALWAYS AT THE MODT INCONVENIENT OF TIMES TOO #SHUT THE FUCK UP GALE #it’s like he loves to hear himself talk and use big words to sound smart 😭 #anyways #ngl i almost wanted to cry that astarion turned me down #it felt personal #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #bg3 astarion

[almondcroissantsandink]

uh so the internet has been down at my house for ten days now (I got hit with the windstream update thing where it fried like thousands of modems), and we were supposed to have been sent a new one and we haven’t, so all my new art is stuck on my laptop until further notice :’)

#I’m typing this on my museums Wi-Fi lol #I haven’t watched tv or engage with media other than reading in DAYS and it’s starting to be uncool #not to mention we can’t check our finances or anything at home #it’s been TEN DAYS and they haven’t fixed the problem?? not to mention they didn’t even tell us there was a problem we had to contact them #we thought it was the weather and then it was like wait oh no lol #I’m praying it comes tomorrow like WHAT is HAPPENING #it’s very inconvenient #and also I kind of just don’t know what’s going on in the world

[sisterdragonwithfeathers]

Horrible-feeling but ultimately not permanently damaging mistake made regarding misunderstanding of overlapping work and vacation schedules, hundreds dead thousands injured

#*bangs my head so hard against the wall* #it was all a horrible misunderstanding but there’s nothing I can do to fix it #I hope it doesn’t put them in too much of a bind that I’m not there but I have no wad of knowing and it doesn’t matter because there’s #NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT NOW #*very unhappy noises as I drag my face over my hands* #unrealistic worst case scenario is that she (boss) stops trusting me and starts holding a grudge #REALISTIC worst case scenario is they’re understaffed today and it’s busy #best case scenario she finds someone to fill in AND it’s not too inconvenient for them AND it’s not too busy of a day #*continued upset noises* #I’ve identified why it happened and how it’s never going to happen again but it was still a genuine mistake but I can’t FIX it so now I just #have to forget about it or something

[whumpacabra]

There’s a post going around recently about how the whump community tags for disabled characters and I…have to disagree with its main point.

Simply tagging a post with ‘disabled whumpee’ does not give me enough information to know if a fic will be validating or triggering for me. I need more specific tags to filter out my squicks and triggers, and to identify posts of interest. Specific tags are the keystone of a community that specifically talks about potentially triggering or upsetting content.

For example, I like reading stories with characters that use prostheses and mobility aids. I find these stories relatable and validating as someone with both! But should those posts simply be tagged ‘disabled whumpee’ because it might conflict with the other users of the mobility aids and prostheses tags? I can only find out the nature of the whumpee’s disability by reading, and a negative outcome can at best turn out to be a waste of time or at worst deeply upsetting.

Cancer is a difficult topic for me given my past and current experiences with it. I have the cancer tag and a dozen variants of it blocked. Of course, people on tumblr with cancer or talking about their experiences with it use that tag to talk about it. If someone is writing about a character who has or had cancer, but only tags for ‘disabled whumpee’ I won’t know that I’m getting into a story that will cause me great distress.

I’m disabled. I have severe nerve damage, limited mobility, chronic pain, a plethora of other medical bullshit, and my condition is progressive. Whump is part of how I’ve been learning to deal with and process my struggles, and part of that involves writing and reading about disability in whump.

Do I just block all ‘disabled whumpee’ content and never know if I’m clicking on a story I’ll find relatable and validating or if I’m clicking on a story that will upset me so badly I won’t use tumblr for a few days? No - I block specific tags and specific blogs as necessary. The idea that we should stop using specific tags, when writing about a specific condition or disease, to put everything under one vague blanket is naive at best and dangerous at worst.

I understand the frustration of seeing posts you don’t want to see in a specific tag (the number of x reader headcanon blogs for fandoms I’ve never heard of that I’ve had to block when trying to browse is ridiculous). But at the end of the day if those posts are tagged appropriately (ie. not crosstagged spam in violation of the TOS) you just do what you always do for something you don’t want to see on this site: blacklist, block, and move on.

#whump #whump community #tagging etiquette #beans speaks #it’s fine if you disagree/are changing how you tag your disabled whumpee writing but I’m not so please feel free to block me (genuine) #if you see me in a specific tag you don’t want to see whump writing in #I understand where that post is coming from but also. is we stop tagging specific tags. how the fuck am I supposed to avoid my triggers??? #I just don’t understand tumblr’s block and blacklist options are wayyy more effective than they’ve ever been. #and I don’t see how tagging a post that contains the depiction of apples would be clogging the apple tag? it’s an appropriate use of the tag #do I want to see posts about the fictional mlp character applejack when browsing the apple tag? probably not. #but I understand why the tag search included those posts and why the poster tagged the post with such. I block them and move on. #my blood sugar is low sorry if this is rambly and incoherent and. I don’t know stupid or insensitive? #disabled people are not a monolith we all have different opinions and preferences for how we interact with the topic of our disabilities #and removing specificity for the sake of…inconvenience just seems silly #sorry I haven’t read that post in a few days I might sound like a complete asshole in which case idk send gore and death threats I guess #I haven’t done tumblr discourse since 2015. do people still send KYS or is it all kungpowpenis these days?

[iceicewifey]

been fighting with myself about feeling like it’d be an inconvenience and also just not wanting to be rude by correcting anyone, plus i know i didn’t really make a real post and just kinda started using it…

but this is me saying i’ve changed my online name; please call me Spanky

pronouns.page for other stuff if u want

#i know it’s inconvenient and i’m sorry #i feel like an ass lol #‘spanks’ is also okay #spankz chat

[goldkirk]

oh man, owning a body is way scarier than being in one while not owning it is

#wow it is so inconvenient to have a concept of autonomy that isn’t restricted #like it is better yes I get it but that doesn’t mean it isn’t an adjustment #I’m panicking less drastically with more time in between #but it’s still so hard to retain a grasp on the fullness of This Is Totally Only Your Body You Have The Ultimate Control Over It #because there’s just SO MUCH MORE that comes along WITH that and I have very little #processing power to sore as is #*spare #I don’t even know what a body is optimally supposed to be like how am I supposed to know how to make my way over to that? #and that’s all I have to say about that #shh katie #trauma recovery #and I just like. get to make every ultimate decision about it forever. like how close people can get or whether to do an activity or what #clothes I get to choose #and I get to say no to things and I get to defend myself if I want and I get to do fun scary new things in it if I want etc etc #and I love getting all these things! I love that it’s ‘I get’ #but most of the time what I actually feel is ‘I HAVE’ #I HAVE to decide each moment if I want someone to touch me I HAVE to decide if something feels good or not I HAVE to defend myself if I need #to be defended I HAVE to choose clothes with JUST me making my decisions I HAVE to change my body to be healthier I HAVE to etc etc #but then I feel ashamed and unworthy because I feel like I’m doing something wrong by acting or appearing ungrateful while #having such lucky amazing incredible way-more-than-I-could-have-imagined change in the past year #and so much to be grateful for beyond words #anyway there’s no lesson here it’s just a post it note saying where I’m at #I’ll move on from this to something else in a new stage as time passes #it’s chill #cult survivor #add to journal

[ilikecheeseandchocolatee]

Well not exactly a vent but it’s just stuff pertaining to my personal life that only a few mutuals know about sooooooo yeah read the tags first for content warnings

Just talked to a friend from school after a long long time because i wanted to make sure he’s doing okay (he’s Palestinian) and yeah i just talked about how I hope i see him whole and healthy when I come back to school next month, and he said that he hopes I’m better too

And I was like wait what

So yeah idk if you guys know but memory issues are probably my main main problem right now in that they’re actually horrifically bad and I should really see a professional about this as soon as I am financially able to. So I was like okay what if there was something wrong with me last time I was in school

So I asked him what I was like last October and he said that I seemed really stressed/paranoid and that I seemed really on edge (those are his words) and like damn. In that regard yeah I’m doing so so much better now than back then. Which is understandable because England always fucks up my mental health I just didn’t expect it to be that bad in October. What in the world was a stressed about? I had nothing to be stressed about except my medications doing their job. NOW I have about a billion things to be stressed about. And honestly what was I being paranoid about. I have pretty much no memories of last year now which is obviously not ideal because I have exams for fucks sake.

Past me I am sorry for always throwing shade at you, I’m trying to remember that I don’t remember the past and I can’t possibly judge you for things if I don’t remember what you were going through. But I keep forgetting about my memory issues. I’m very sorry and please know I still love you and I know you’ve been doing your best since you turned 15. I’m sorry that I keep doubting you and hating you. I’ll try to remind myself that I have issues.

Future me here is a promise. I promise that I’ll try to be kind to myself, ALL versions of myself. I’ll try to be kind to myself when I feel lazy and hopeless, and I’ll try to be kind to myself when my thoughts are getting the better of me. I’ll try to be kind to myself as I work on myself and I’ll try to see the progress I’ve made in the past few years. I’ll try to be kind when im struggling and I’ll try to be kind when I’m doing better. I’ll try to remember to not throw shade at any past version of me, because I’ll try to remind myself that I don’t remember most things anymore. I know I keep feeling like I DO remember but I need to accept that I don’t, not just the times when I get proof that I don’t. I need to remember that I do not remember things and to not judge past me anymore. Im sorry past me. And I promise future me. See you both

#okay yeah it’s a vent sorta #vent #rant #tw vent #tw rant #it’s not that long tho #cw paranoia #cw England mention #cw mental health #cw memory issues #cw current events #meep meeeeeeeeeeeep #as a side note I know that a lot of the time I’m grateful for my memory issues because then I can also forget bad things #and stressful problems and whatnot. but there seem to be a lot of downsides too. #i forget important things. i still haven’t sorted out my voter id which I was supposed to do in the past couple of months #i forget to drink water? but I think everyone has that #idk I can’t remember what I forget right now #yeah one of the worst things about the memory issues is the paradox of not knowing what I forget because I’ve obviously forgotten it #and a lot of the time I get the feeling that I’m forgetting something but the problem with that now is #maybe I have that feeling almost constantly these days because I’ve started just ignoring it #before this recent downgrade of my memory those feelings that im forgetting something were my greatest superpower #I’d be like okay. my brain is telling me im forgetting something. and then I’d sit and think for a while until I remembered. #but now I just straight up ignore the feeling because I have it all the damn time. #which is not good? i think? #like yeah the issues keep me stressfree most of the time but it’s still so horribly inconvenient #what if im travelling on a plane and I forget where I put my passport and boarding pass #that would be disastrous #it’s scary sometimes #the knowledge that I have memory issues but no knowledge of what I can do about it to make sure I stay safe #it’s a weird and paradoxical existence with having memory issues if im honest

[mymelodyisme]

😔 unrelated but related my sister (same as the last post) said I was bossy

#🥺 she specifically said to me that i was just going to be bossy again like i always am #my mom then also proceeded to say my sister told her I was being bossy and she lowkey agreed 😭 #she swears it wasn’t in a bad way but that i even nods her around #and yesterday?? my mom 😭 commented on my clothes and yes I know I didn’t look too nice I was sweaty and tired #but i don’t have pretty clothes or style as sister once pointed out so like 🥹 just let me be #i thought I was cute and now I’m a lil insecure about them #😔 okay that’s enough it was just stuff that bothered me #actually this is completely unrelated but i always wanna participate in those #‘show me your oc and I’ll draw it for this themed thing’ posts my friends do #but 😭 i don’t wanna inconvenience them so I never participate #it makes me a little sad that my life is an inconvenience to others in my head #okay That’s it hope you’re well if you read all that

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

the parallels between hatred of children for not knowing how to do things like emotional regulation or fine motor skills parallels with a lot of attitudes around disabilities that I hadn’t made the connection with before

#like the blatant frustration and impatience ?? #whenever young kids and babies scream and cry I view it as like. an environmental circumstance if that makes sense #like an ‘ah dammit I happened to be here at a time where the stars aligned for this child to start screaming’ and put on my headphones #and then i’m baffled by parents who do nothing to soothe a child in Active Distress ??? like how are you able to tune that out #physically AND emotionally I mean #which i know is a result of no community support and poverty being a drain on emotional availability #so like.. that same Hatred is transferred onto disabled people as well who ‘inconvenience’ others #disabled people and children are viewed as burdens if there’s no way for them to ‘compensate’ for these things