guys my favorite teacher is leaving :(
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Lucy could not get out of the house quicker - so the night of her 18th birthday she snuck out to meet Joseph and head for the train station.
She felt conflicted about leaving her family. Although she felt they had treated her badly, she knew that her leaving like this would crush them. Lucy worried that she might never get to see them again. Would they even want to now that she had defied them?
As soon as they entered the train station a feeling of relief washed over her. Lucy felt free. A feeling she had only felt when playing in the fields as a child, making flower crowns with her friends, and the first time her and Joseph had shared their first kiss. She realized she didn't care that she was leaving her family anymore. She would rather be happy.
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I'm so on and off on social media including tumblr and I really miss this one mutual i used to have here on tumblr who i tagged as "my beloved sri" <33 i have the fondest memories of her but can't find her now:'
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I miss you everyday , night , week and every time ... I just want to hug you ... 😿
I miss my wife a lot ..
I just want to see her again ...
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Do you guys know what has replaced my base needs in Maslow's hierarchy? The need to hear Donna call the Doctor "Spaceman" again.
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…I could put on airs like that, but with you it’s no good. You’re a typical, generic savior-type protagonist. Loved by the readers, loved by the characters, loved even by the plot. Boring. Short cuts aren’t my style. I can’t talk about you, and you don’t have enough value.
this evaluation of hakuno's character (thanks hans christian andersen) and titles and roles............ really reminds me of the other side of the coin for hakuno's dilemma with being a nameless nobody– losing sight of yourself from taking on too many roles and names 🫠 it's pretty interesting though cuz i can see shades of it with hakuno too ! albeit in a very different way..
real quick tho YES I KNOW A LOT OF THIS IS JUST BECAUSE OF SELF INSERT PROTAG REASONS (DEROGATORY) 🥹 but hakuno deserves better than that!!! so i prefer 2 look at it in a different way 4 my hakuno 🫶
"hakuno" doesn't know herself, hakuno is useless, but she can do her best to fulfill whatever's expected from a role like the "leader" or "hero" that a situation might call for. hakuno can't find value in herself, so she tries to get it from others and fulfilling what they want and what they need. she's good at following guidelines for what's expected from others but lacks that for herself as an individual, if that makes sense.
it's a very integral part of hakuno's character! even when she doesn't understand how she feels, she's always thinking of others and acting with them in mind. but i gotta make it clear that she's no actor!! she's just stepping up to the job in her own way. i like 2 think of it as something like water filling the shape of the glass it's put into.
doing that and taking up whatever role she has to comes from necessity rather than hakuno wanting to be something bigger than herself. hakuno sees a problem that only she can fix, and is willing to do a lot in order to fix it. (<- what we see in canon too from fate/extra when she acts in the way of a "martyr" and in ccc when she takes on the role of being "president") whether she likes it or not isn't something she thinks about, but on a deep down, it's really just something she takes on to make up for her self-perceived flaws.
trying to fit into these roles could be an attempt to find herself too in a way..... hakuno's always been concerned about the meaning and purpose of her life, so she could try to find her own self worth in this way. she'll always think of it as titles that don't suit her though :,) cough impostor syndrome cough. i can imagine her trying become someone "worthy" of it, but she'll still feel undeserving in the end for one reason or another. it never feels enough, it never feels right, there's always going to be a sense of disconnect for her.
I can’t speak of something that isn’t there. Hakuno Kishinami. You still have nothing at all.
it's because she still doesn't know who she is </3 the lack of a personal identity that is so essential to being a person is something that just can't be fixed in this way. taking up roles and living up to others' expectations could maybe provide a temporary happiness or gratification for hakuno (via gaining affection and praise through being useful because that's something she's never had), but at the end of the day hakuno won't be satisfied with that. it's a shallow reasoning and even if she obtained the love she may have desired, it'd feel misplaced because it's a love that she got for being something that she feels like she isn't.
remember– all hakuno ever wanted was to live. she's a really simple gal! i'd say that at the moment, she's just grateful to have her basic survival needs met and still wants to find herself and become her own person, but she doesn't have any grand goals or ambitions. though she might not realize it herself, what she really wants is just a normal life tbh :,) live a normal life, die a normal death and afterwards, she'd want to be remembered as "hakuno kishinami" rather than a "hero" or "savior" or "protagonist" or any other grandiose title or role
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I've been thinking a lot about you recently. About being with you. What it would be like.
How it would feel to sit with you on the bed, my legs straddling yours. To kiss you softly, sweetly, my hands in your soft hair as I gently pull your braid out. How I'd push you back gently to lay on the bed, my arms on either side of you as I kiss you again, and again, and again.
I want to trace soft fingers under the edge of your nightshirt, trailing gently across the skin of your stomach. The way you'd giggle and gasp softly beneath me. I want to know what it would be like to pull the soft fabric over your head, to press gentle kisses to your warm skin. How I would admire every inch of you, every freckle and scar, every curve and dimple.
How I would sit up again, to brush the hair from your face and tuck it gently behind your ear. To cup your cheek as I press kisses to you lips. To take your hands and kiss them softly, one knuckle at a time, before pressing little kisses to your palms and wrists.
I want those moments of quiet intimacy with you. With all their giggles and jokes, sighs and smiles. I want you
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